I've been like this at least since I was 6. I'd go to bed but monologue these fictions, sometimes whispering or muttering speech. Later i'd find myself pacing about my room. Listening to music makes me compulsively move to the beat and sing the lyrics (I dearn't use headphones/earphones in public because I can't hear myself singing or muttering lyrics. Certain things in my daydreams won't go my way and I'll become furious. My daydreams will become violent and angry followed by immediate regret and almost grief. The only relief I know is to be with someone else, anyone really. One doesn't need to socialize but simply be in the presence of another and, for me at least, it simply stops. As soon as i'm alone it begins.

Thank you for sharing! I didn't know bout MD until today, haha. I’ve struggle with MD for my entire life. This video gave me much needed clarity. I have really bad MD when it comes to dating and relationships or trauma. Great video!

Jesus will heal you

Worst thing is getting attached and not getting away from that, its like a sticky glue that you need extensive work to get off that.

I am so glad people are talking about this now. I could’ve really used videos like this when I was 12 and I had no idea why I was always in “another world”. Thank you for making this video!

This video really inspired me to keep going- I’m so proud of you!

Can MD causes headache?

You explain it better thanks

I'm an introvert with no friends. Most of my life is just pasing, I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. It doesn't bother me.. Probably because i like md. Maybe i dont have md. Because i can't feel that I'm actually inside it. Also, i can only can daydream properly when I'm walking or pasing or running. It's almost impossible to daydream without walking or smth. I stopped once, and i felt lonely and sad. I just felt like i lost all meaning to life.

I tried explaining this to my parents but they called it fake or that people make these things to get money form it but no it isn’t, and they told me to get rid of it as quickly as possible and they also said maybe it’s because of quarantine, like no I’ve been doing this for so long even before quarantine, I don’t know what type of professional should I go to and I’m just 13 I’ve been doing this for 5 years or more, it started out small but now it’s getting worse, I want it to go away.

It's so hard! I don't really communicate with any people with MD online or irl, amd it makes me feel so sad. Everyone says you're not alone, but they don't realize I have trouble finding people like me! I've cried so much about it, that when I hear someone coming, I can pretend I'm fine in five seconds. But what's THE ABSOLUTE WORST is that usually most Daydreamers pace and move their lips when they Daydream, I do that, but I ALSO MOVE MY HANDS AROUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON! It becomes so noticable and so awkward! And don't get me started on the times I accidentally hit someone while Daydreaming!

I can't sleep anymore I hate it, I'm only partially "awake" at all times

I've been day dreaming since I was 4 or 5, mine was triggered by loneliness as a kid, and I learned to live my life around it. I got good grades, got into a good college undergrad and post-grad, have held down busy, fast-paced jobs in news and marketing, and have a strict routine about personal hygiene and keeping my environment clean and tidy. I never miss a rent payment, and I still call and meet-up with friends. So I'd say that if your daydreaming is interrupting your basic necessities of life, it's something you'd want to address with a professional. I say all that to say, there are different experiences with MaDD.

it gives me euphoria

I appreciate your video. I especially appreciate your concerns about how this could possibly steal your life and years. They are valid - I am 50yrs old and currently on permanent social security disability. I have been a depressive since childhood and (i am almost positive, incorrectly) been labeled schizophrenic. I am an extremely naturally talented creative, extremely intelligent, and never got off the ground because I can't get out of my head. I have lost jobs and my social life because I can't control of my thoughts. I don't want you to be afraid but I wanted to say that your concerns are valib. People of my generation did not grow up with the openness about mental health that there is today especially black folk so I know what it is to feel doomed by this. I wish you success in this journey

I think i might have maladalptive daydreaming disorder bc since i moved to the us im often alone (bc i left all of my close friends and some family members) and i didn't do this back where i used to live. But what i do is i kinda just walk around and pretend im in different situations but mostly i day dream about fighting like big huge monsters or things like that idk why tbh. And sometimes i daydream about adventures i would have with my old friends and stuff like that. And i used to think that i did this bc i was still a kid (bc i moved when i was 10) but im 14 going to 15 and i still do it everyday. I wanna tell my mom but i don't think shell belive me so idk what to do

Is it weird that I’m freaking out that this might be a mental disorder? With there being so many stigmas attached and some family history of mental disorders (I wonder if my dad has this to some extent), plus me having a learning disability, I’m totally scared of not being seen as normal. Ever since I was little, maybe starting around 7-8, I would have “make believe” friends. I could spend hours playing by myself, doing all of the kid pretend play scenarios, which is completely normal for that age, but I kinda wonder if I somehow didn’t fully “out grow” it. Keep in mind, as I got older, I would “pretend” (for lack of a better word) with age appropriate conversations and people...usually someone as I would perceive as close friend. Funny enough, one of mine perceived people had a name, and a few years later, I met an actual person with the same name, and she became one of my real life best friends. Anyways, I don’t know how much of this happens because I live by myself, and am probably more towards the introvert side. However, since I am by myself so much, I kinda wonder if talking myself is a way to possibly get rid of excess energy. I am fully aware of what I’m doing, and can stop if I need to (like if people are close by), but have been “caught” before, so I try not to do it. I often find that I do when I’m walking by myself somewhere, or if I’m waiting by myself (like for a bus). I may not even be stressed when I do it, but I also use to practice future conversations I may have with others. However, as for the percentage of the day that I do it, I honestly don’t know. I do feel like it happens more at night as I’m usually more out an about during the day. I definitely use to keep myself up for hours when I was younger. It was like I could not get my brain to shut the conversation off so that I could sleep. I would try to keep them quiet so that I wouldn’t keep anyone up, but I’m sure my parents heard a lot over the years and probably wonder “WTF is she talking about?” So yeah....finding this to be so confusing, and stressful with thinking it might be a mental disorder. Yet, I have also heard that talking to myself can be a good stress relief, and that most people seem to do some form of this.

Hearing you talk about this made me feel so relieved in a way cuz I thought I was the only one feeling this way particularly. All other MD vids I watched never talked about the anxiousness and feeling lonely at night.

What sucks is when you make characters or pretend to know people and get attached to them, then you kinda pause and it sinks in your sitting in your room or something just imagining these fantasies I usually get anxiety or shame after my day dreaming because of those realizations

One thing I hate that I almost never hear anyone mention is how MD starts making reality feel like It's fake. Like especially if a daydream is inspired by something that happened in my real life then I start to convince yourself that it never happened because I'm fantasizing about it so it kind of takes the meaning out of what happens in real life. Does that make sense?

I'm glad your still alive! I was wondering how you were doing as well! Sending positive peaceful vibes!

Hey there, i am a MaDD channel too. Was wondering if you would let me mention your channel in an up coming video of mine. I am going to be making a video mentioning other MaDD dedicated youtube channel so that my subscribers can be awear of other channels they can follow.

Thank you for being so transparent about this. I fully relate to everything you said and being a person of color makes it even harder since we don’t really acknowledge these types of issues, especially anxiety. Rooting for you sister ❤️

these are my exact feelings. i lost a huge chunk of my life and i can't even hang out with anyone because of it :(

we should message or sum cause i’ve never met someone who’s actually has md. i’ve been struggling for yearsssssss with this. it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it cause everyone else kinda thinks it’s a joke

Very relatable. Thanks for the video <3

I think the worst thing about md is that your so attached to your characters, but they’re not real. Like your so in love with them and they seem to get you, but they’re not real. Or, like you said, when it hits that you’ll never be what your daydream are. You seem to make yourself the center of attention, when your not and probably never will be. Great video! Stay strong!

I love you for your honesty and for your NC Central shirt! Seriously, I wish I had an understanding of these things when I was your age. Please keep up your studies and continue to help people!

you have to understand this very broadly. MD is just one of dozens of symptoms that emerges due to weak self-regulation or poor Executive Function. to be precise it's a sign of poor inhibitory control. you should read about these stuff more deeply. the solution to treating this isssue is to strengthen your executive function. i had these issues, and Thank God i have successfuly managed all these by using a brain fitness program called 'Learning Breakthrough Program'. i spend for few minutes every month to sharing these kind of info so that people can get the same benefit like i did. visit their web-site, www.learningbreakthrough.com . make sure to do the exercises every day(twice each day) for three years. i promise you it will change your life. if it feels doing the exercise for three years seems a lot, then at least try it for one year and see it yourself on how powerful it is. Good Luck!

Dude those feelings you were talking about getting at night?? SAME. I have to go to bed hella early just to keep those feelings away

Its hard to see people going through this but i can relate so much with what youre going through.I truly admire you for putting yourself out there for the whole world to see. It's people like you and me that can make a difference by sharing our experiences. I truly think we can help each other. KZbin and its platform has helped a lot in reaching out to others and sharing our stories and how we cope with Anxiety and Depression. Stop by some time. Let go of what’s gone, be grateful for what remains and look forward to what is coming. You never realize how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Don’t forget you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Refocus on where you’re headed. You are limited only by the walls you build yourself. Knock down those walls, and you will be free. Build your confidence. Two things will ultimately define your life: Your accomplishments, and your character. You are so worth it. Your biggest successes are still to come. A step at a time. I wish you good health & happiness on your journey:)I am a text book case when it comes to Anxiety. I have had all the symptoms that are classic examples of an Anxiety state. Such as those , rapid heart palpitations, I get Panic or Anxiety attacks, some of which are really frightening. I feel extremely uneasy around people, and I have had counselling for this, including Cognitive Therapy, but this has not really helped me very much in my case. Stay strong and don't be afraid to reach out, together we can shed some light and hopefully move forward with some happiness.

I dont daydream excessively but I talk to myself damn near nonstop. I'm my own best friend.😳

You are so cute and beautiful! I love seeing black females like me struggling in similar ways like me. It makes me feel inspired.

It’s honestly like being on crack,

thank u for this video, it's very motivating and supporting 💕

Mine started in 2012. It’s my coping mechanism when things get hard it just happens everything is my trigger. I was playing with barbies with a friend I was 13 don’t judge 👀 and the next day I jus started daydreaming after awhile I started enjoying it now it’s boring too me bc I can’t have a normal life bc of it. Mine started off as doing dreams abt being a celebrity, fictional characters 😭 now I jus do it around me. My mom neglected me I wanted her attention & till this day she don’t say I love u I always had to say it first it still affects me 😭. I wanna stop the longest I went was 2 months but then I slipped bk into it. It’s hard to slip into it 😭 I thought I was the only one to a couple years ago I found it. I only do it bc I cope with it & I know how to stop when someone comes in the room. I can stop. 😭I’m jus going to keep it a secret my mom doesn’t kno wat it is she wanted to send me to a psych ward I’m not crazy I kno reality & fantasy i jus wanna stop I think I’ll have more friends n did better in school if I didn’t have it

Great video!! But guess what my MD having self did? I saw the chickfila in the background and daydreamed about going there with someone I admire. Then I had to rewind the video. Damn it

I can relate to literally everything you said in this video, it scares me haha. No, seriously, thank you! I needed this. I have had MDD since as long as I can remember and the older I got the more I realised how far from reality I was living. I lost so much time... Thanks again for this great video. Next week I will finally tell my therapist about it. Phew.... Wish me luck :')

My MaDD kicked into overdrive when I heard Cranes in the Sky lol. Thanks for making this vid it's super helpful, I'm just realizing I have MaDD.

i relate to every single thing you said, and trust me i know how scary it must have been to make this knowing how secretive I've been about my MD my entire life. I commend you for bringing awareness to this!

also thanks! for the video cuz that's prove that i'm not insane

Thank you for this <3

this is amazing! please make more videos!

Also, you're super adorable and beautiful

I feel exactly the same! When I found out that my condition that I'd been keeping secret my whole life had a name, I cried. I actually just found out maybe a week ago from a Tumblr post! All these years I had been keeping it a shameful secret. I figured if anyone found out, I'd be shamed, and someone would try to heal me of it. Honestly, I never want to cure it. It's a huge part of my life, and it's my personal therapy. Reality is scary, and my personal world makes it a hell-of-a-lot easier to live through.

omh you must be my cosmic twin. I have MDD too as a black female.

Yo..you better be uploading soon ..i subscribed. It feels like no one can help

Thank you for this video, you are awesome :) I am 19 and I am daydreamer too. I am from Russia and unfortunately it's not talking about this phenomenon there :( I am waiting for your videos! <3

my anti depressant meds are giving me madd block so I feel forced into reality and it gets overwhelming sometimes. Being a little more 'normal' is overrated to be completely honest lol great video, you're so lovely!

thank you so much for this video. MD has been in my life for about 4 years now and gotten worse over time. it got so bad this year i actually have to stay back a grade in school (i was failing almost all of my classes) i never really knew why i was daydreaming so much but found out about MD a little while ago. this video explains it perfectly and helps a lot thank you