[Camera fades in to a poorly lit room with a cluttered desk. A person, dressed in a tacky outfit, sits uncomfortably close to the camera with a forced smile.] Person: Hey guys, what's up? It's your favorite internet sensation, [insert name here], and today I've got something to address. Yeah, you read that right. Something serious. [Person leans in closer to the camera, their eyes darting around nervously.] Person: So, apparently, there's been this big fuss about me allegedly stealing from small children. [Person scoffs and rolls their eyes dramatically.] Like seriously, guys? Do I look like the Grinch to you? [Person chuckles insincerely, adjusting their hair before continuing.] Person: Look, let's get real for a sec. I may have, um, borrowed a few things here and there, but come on, they're just kids. What are they gonna do with all that stuff anyway? Probably just break it or lose it, am I right? [Person leans back, crossing their arms defensively.] Person: And to those parents out there making a big deal about it, chill out, will ya? It's not like I stole their college fund or anything... yet. [Person winks exaggeratedly at the camera, then quickly regains composure.] Person: But hey, I'm a changed person now. From now on, I promise to only steal from adults. They can handle it, right? And to all my fans out there, keep supporting me, because without you, who else would I steal from? I mean, entertain. [Person flashes a thumbs up and an awkward grin before the screen fades to black.] [End of scene.