Because he let go. And he wanted it to be over. Watching your parent slip away in front of you is awful. My dad neglected his health almost our entire life. He had his first heart attack when i was 11. It started this horrible roller coaster/cycle. He would have a crisis so severe we almost lost him, he would start making better choices, he would go back to his ways until another one happened. At first it might be years between crisis. By the time i was 20 it was every year he was in having heart surgeries, strokes, blockages. 2 years ago the big ones started. Right after another it was diabetic coma, stroke, heart attacks, blood clots. He lost so much ability to function. He was slipping mentally. Then in february 2023 he had the big stroke. He never truly recovered. He needed so much care and he wasnt the same person. By fall he was basically living in the hospital and visiting home. He would come home and go into crisis or fall again. His legs started rotting and he wouldnt let them properly treat it. By thanksgiving he was practically bed bound, in diapers and needed help with even basic tasks. He would cuss you out, say awful things. The only times we werent on constant pins and needles was when he was admitted. And the feeling was so conflicting. It was killing us all mentally to continue the cycle. And his condition kept worsening. Shortly before easter the cycle ended. By that point he couldnt get out of bed without falling and couldnt stand anymore. One night i went in to do my final nightly check and make sure he was safe and had what he needed. He was gone. The horrible cycle was over. And it was awful. For connor watching his mom hurt is awful. But he knows wanting it stop means losing her. He wants the pain to stop but feels bad for it. Its conflicting. In his nightmare she doesnt slip away, he lets go.

@@skylerjameson5682 oh... 🥺 I'm very sorry to hear about that, seems like it's gotta be a terrible mix of sadness, hurt, anger, and the like. Thank you so much for taking the time to share, man. I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you and your family soon heal from this 🥺

Bro this is deep. How is it right now

@@smmshoe she passed away on the 15th of January.

its in the title, "a monter calls"

Still same nightmare even as before

She was still alive. It was a nightmare

Perhaps something in here might help: ‘A message to myself’: 2022 ‘I am in the solitude of this February midnight. I hear the silent howling of the wind in the trees and it rattles against my window. I lie awake under a blanket of blue as I read your the message. It looks like there is a lot of hurting. And it’s true this week brought back many memories. Seems like a lot of things we should have said, and things which we should not have said. Very few of us get it right, if any. And it’s true we remember the regrets. And it is not fair that we cannot fix our regrets when time passes the gate. As my Uncle said: ‘That will always be because the ones who could truly forgive us are no longer.’ And when we learn to accept this, we can come closer to atonement. And perhaps, that is as close as we ever get at finding some form of forgiveness. But there is always the lingering doubt if when all else can forgive, we can never forgive ourselves. You see, many of us see regrets is like a big stick. And we punish ourself for our mistakes. But, we can say it’s there to remind us that we got it wrong, as well as point us in the direction - to try to make our world more beautiful. And it’s not true that time heals. We just learn to cope with it in a different way. We surround our black hole with all pretty things and keep a distance before it consumes us. We know this. There will be days when we kick the stone that did us no harm, and curse the drenching rain instead of feeling it’s warmth. We loose our rag with those we love, when all they wanted was to be heard. And how can we find peace when we are in this storm as we tumble and drown in its turmoil? We convince ourselves we did the right thing at the time, out of love. And it will always be true that the more we loved, the more it hurts. And years later, it still rips out our heart just thinking about it. But, there will be peace. We will find it in those we love, in those who are near and those who are far. We will find it in every drop of rain in a storm, under every rock and in the still of the night. We will find under every footstep we take, under our pillow when we rest and in every breath we take. Peace is all around us. It always is and always will be. Feel for it and you will find it. It will embrace you and comfort you, like our best friend. And when we find this place, we will finally find peace in ourselves. I turn in my bed. It’s almost dawn. I still hear the wind the howels tearing through my head. Tomorrow, or the day after, it will scarcely have the strength to turn a rabbits hair to silver.

Hello, i do your words my words. I lost my grandmother and grandfather for cancer in a 2 years interval. The feeling of being at the hospital day after day, sleeping in a unconfortable chair, watching the weight fall and fall more, until the person becomes skeletal, this film translated something I never got, the feeling that it is necessary to lose the fight for both the patient and the companion. There comes a time when it's just not worth the suffering anymore

Hey, I am in a very similar situation, and It’s difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel but don’t stop looking for it. That’s what keeps me going. I wish you and your mother all the best

I think it must be more clear what is coming in the book. I too was surprised at the final admission.

Hope you're coping alright

No it is not stupid. It’s exactly what this little boy felt.

Nope not stupid at all.

Hell no that aint stupid my brother. I feel you my man. Love to you and your siblings

Same man my 18 year old dog finally passed after almost dying many times back in April 2021

"it'll kill me if I do" "it'll kill you if you don't!"

@@seemlees891 when the weight of your failures and your fears become so heavy that you feel like you're going to die if you talk about it when it's the opposite, if you keep everything inside you it will end up killing you.

@@mongeau98perfect summary. You can even use that for people with mental health. If people hide it then it only gets worse and sometimes it literally can kill you. If you speak up and accept help and get the help and support you will be saved

Lost my mum to alcohol when I was 14 and my dad a few months ago. I'm having a bad day today, thinking about both my parents, wishing things were different. I said to myself in my head "I don't know what life would be like if both my parents were still here, all I know is it could only be better as they'd be here with me. I don't know where their spirits have gone, but if it's nowhere, I want to join them in nothingness". Though I felt really defeatist after telling myself that. I thought the only way to not get stuck in sadness is to believe that whilst they're not here, I can at least take responsibility for my own life and make it as good as it can be. I can still live a meaningful and happy life, I just have to be strong and count my blessings, as while life has been tough, I've certainly still got a lot of things to be grateful for. Grief is a slow process but you'll get through it - you find your way to cope and be happy.

I lost my nana who’s been like a mother figure to me ever since I was a kid in 2018 I was only 16 I remember shouting TAKE ME INSTEAD DONT TAKE MY LOVED ONES AWAY FROM ME I didn’t get to spend much time with her because of high school Since she died if I was home alone I would whip my back with my studded belt until bruises and scars come One day at p.e when I was getting changed the girls asked about my bruises (they were green and yellow) I lied and said I fell of the swing and hit my back on some stones I stopped whipping my back in June 2018 cause that’s when I started therapy and it helped me a lot Even though I miss her so much I’ll never forget her