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hi :) thank you for watching.

thank you for commenting and watching our videos, that is a very insightful message.

Great suggestion!

Whew! I’m so sorry to hear all this. I’m sure you’re feeling not only frustrated, but isolated and a lack of real connection - for quite awhile now. Here’s a few thoughts. First, here’s a link to a free webinar I gave awhile back (kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJrVZIOHi7Kjgbc) where I share reasons (including many of the ones you mentioned in your comment) about why couples drift apart. Then I share a few tips on what couples can do to create connection. There are other free resources on our strongermarriage.org website. I also recommend looking for a good counselor. When this type of pattern is created (which is really common actually), it can be challenging to work through and change. I don’t know all of the dynamics, but I’m guessing when you approach and seek connection of any kind, she backs off a bit, so a cycle has formed. There could be all kinds of other things going on that I’m not aware of, health, mental health, physiological reasons (low hormones, energy, all contribute to lack of sex drive and desire for any type of closeness). Again, I’m so sorry about this frustrating situation that sounds like roommates instead of best friends and lovers. There is help and hope and all kinds of resources, including any books by John Gottman to read together. There are relationship and marriage education workshops, assessments, etc. Again, please visit strongermarriage.org for more information and tips!

Sorry to hear that you lost physical intimacy with your wife. I experienced this issue in past long term relationships and it become a problem that I became determined to solve. The way I handled it was I wrote a list called My 5 must haves for an amazing relationship This list was five things that were NOT negotiable. About 3 months into a relationship I would sit down with the girl I was dating and read the list out loud. I told them that If they were not ok with anything on the list then I'd prefer to go our separate ways and I would feel no ill will. If they are ok with my list I would gladly continue exploring the relationship with them. The 5 things are.... 1) Agreed upon conflict resolution protocol 2) We must have Sexual compatibility 3) We both must be curious about and research healthy relationship habits 4) Decide in advance how to part ways if it doesn't work out 5) We must know where we are going (Are we moving in together for example) (when is our next date?) etc... I discuss each in detail especially sexual compatibility which also includes physical intimacy I simply state that I don't date women that are not sexually compatible with me or begin to lose sexual compatibility over time. I calmy explain that a healthy sex life is a healthy and very important part of a relationship and that it serves as a barometer for the health of the relationship. If it begins to degrade over time that signals the relationship is no longer healthy and thriving and I dont remain in relationships that are not healthy and thriving. I make it a point to not shame or blame but rather state up front what I expect and give the women the opportunity to either stay, or leave. And I actually am happy with either scenario. If the woman stays then she is also interested in participating in keeping the relationship and sex at a healthy level. If the woman leaves then she can go find a partner she is more compatible with. Which means I will also find someone im more compatible with. Which means I get to have the healthy sex life no matter what. So this is a long way of saying that you need to state your expectations and boundaries and be willing to walk away. I understand you are in a bit of a different scenario because you've been married and have let this issue brew for far too long. These issues need to be talked about up front to make them most effective and less painful. So you will have to have a come to Jesus moment and decide if you are willing to walk away. It really comes down to that. I notice that women don't respect men who won't or can't walk away. And women can't love a man they don't respect. And if a women doesn't respect you she won't want to have sex anymore. Also keep in mind you can still enact different forms of walking away without divorce. You could go sleep at a hotel for a week. You could rebt another small house and live there. get some space between you and your wife whatever way works best for you. If she threatens you with divorce you'll have to be ready to call her bluff and come to realizeyour marriagemay have ended long ago. And honestly if it gets to that point I suggest going to see a therapist or counselor because you will need a support structure around you. If your wife doesn't want you to be happy if you bring up issues with her in a calm reasonable way way. Then it may be over. But things could also turn around and you and your wife may work it out just fine too. It could go either way. I hope for the latter. Good luck!

That is such an excellent point! What are some small bids that you envision as that glue?

@@utahmarriagecommission Saying ‘good morning’, a kiss when your partner comes home or goes out, reaching for a hand, asking ‘can I bring you anything?’, looking out the car window and making an observation that actually gets a reply, a touch when your partner walks past, remembering what your partner especially likes, a little smile of acknowledgement across a room. There are so many opportunities in a day for these connections. But it is hard to sustain them when they go unreciprocated. Thanks for asking.

Glad it was helpful!

We are so glad that you enjoyed this podcast episode!

At the Utah Marriage Commission we seek to be welcoming to all people in their stage of life. We understand that this can be a divisive topic and so that is why in all of our videos we seek to acknowledge and celebrate marriages in whatever way they may look. Additionally, we want to celebrate woman and their roles as mothers and wives. Thank you for your comment and perspective shared on our channel.

becca just fantastic 😊