of course you can't. We can't do anything without God. That's the thing. And this is exactly what I was saying. You're going through the motions but not committing. You're forcing yourself through it but it's not sinking in because it hùrts to let it. Again, going through it to placate your conscience. "I tried, I've tried for so long, i MUST be lost." You know who else struggled with a lot for years? David. I'm not talking about school, this is about this sin and this sin alone. You *have to* read yourself, you *have to* reach out. You have to leave this (agaib, this sounds méân) "defé@ted b@d man, victim to the ďévíļ" complex, because no one can heal through that. At this point, I certain that once you let that that and begin to read on your own, begin to think there's something there for you, youll get better

Ii?

finished the lego fort I been working on. I'll make a video tomorrow tho, it's too dark rn, you'd never see it and... well the light in this room sucks, it's like 10 lumens lol.

@@Under_Your_Bed_ So how do I let it sink in? Jordyn, if you think that's the key then tell me, I'll do it. I know people have struggled with worse than what I am, and... well I kinda H*te myself more for that because it just proves I'm weak. I don't want to sit in a victim mindset, that's why I really keep trying to stop sinning, but I guess that's where we're at now. I don't know how to stop, I don't know how to let whatever sink in. Reading, prayer, all of it, I just don't know. I know you weren't talking about school, but I can use it as an example. I've been reading. If not daily then weekly. What do you want me to see? Honestly, at this point only time will tell if I ever beat this sin. I know we'll be perfect in heaven, I know it'll all be washed from the record, but there's things that happen in this life, and our sanctification is important. My elder says we're sanctified by trials and hardship, that God uses those to teach us and grow us. In over a decade I've gone backwards, only backwards. That's what I'm trying to say. That's why I worry I'm too weak to get over this sin. That's why I worry nothing will get better, why I debated leaving the church, why I thought about k!lling myself, and no matter what's behind me, it seems like something worse hits me the next year. I'm sick of being discouraged, feeling weak, and being stuck. I hate trying to get better to go backwards. Maybe in a few months, or even years this work I'm doing with my elder and visiting him regularly will help. I know it already has as of this month and last to some extent. As in I am reading the bible again. As in I have gotten it in me to pray more. You know, my next question of my elder is going to be on how we even love God. Communication is not conventional. Yeah, he saved us, we ought to love him, but it feels to me a whole lot like mercy of a judge than love, and while it's both, I'm just having a hard time putting it all together. As stupid as it sounds, I don't really know how loving God works. I did as a kid, but it was easy when you never thought about it. I'm having a hard time feeling affection. Fear, respect, and gratitude are there in droves, but love is just hard.

@@Under_Your_Bed_ ooc?

Fixed.

(* It only starts to make the purple fade slightly. Gold saves the individual from death, then covers the other threats to the body. She lives. And as such, Korin can barely hold himself together. All the boy sees is his eyes blink rapidly all of a sudden, and his jaw clamp harder than a snake on prey.*)

rp?

​@@ilikefire9710 (*That emotion doesn't stop him from turning on him. Yes, surprisingly, he actually slaps korin, staring at him with narrowed eyes) "If you really care about her, next time she needs you, you'll be there for her. You freeze up like that again, you lose her. Get it together, and *keep it together."* (*and then he steps down from the little platform and yanks his bag of metals with him, putting it in the safe across the room. He definitely thinks korins gonna steal from him)

​@@ilikefire9710ze?

@@Under_Your_Bed_ "That's where everyone gets me wrong." (* Korin says. He doesn't explain further. He doesn't have to. The kid's right. If he actually cared, he'd help her. Korin walks out of the room.*) "I'll be back." (* he says quietly.*) (* No words stop him from leaving. He just goes. No protests, no words of caution or accusation. He just walks out. He goes down the street a little way, and down an alley. He can't even cry right now, only tremble. She's still about to d!e. It's not like anything's changed yet. Korin lets himself down to his knees and punches the ground. That hurt. He punches it again, a little different this time. It hurts, but it's not so bad it'll break his fist. Yet. So he keeps going. Then he switches to his head, just hitting it. And then one good strike on the ground. That one makes him grunt. (* ok... probably should stop now. too much more and... and what? He'll die? Is that some sort of loss? To anyone? (* Now a tear pushes at his eye, but it just... hurts. No tears come. Because yes. It would be a loss to someone. One person in the whole world that still cares. Nellaine. She never saw him different, just... treated him the right way. Like he's wholly untrustworthy. And even in treating him that way, she gave him a chance. A chance with everything. (* Korin closes his eyes, and folds his hands on the back of his head as it rests on the ground. He wishes he could love someone, not just hurt everyone.*)

You can find the pixiv link in the description. Is an original character, not fanart. Her name is either Qianye or Tianling. Am using Google translate so it's a bit unclear. Edit: It's "Tian ling", that's her name. You can find a lot more art of her art by searching "Tian ling OC".

All fromsoft bosses have. Metal theme. Not bieng rude but literally all boss tracks have metal covers.

Skadi: kyaa

Kyaa Skadi