You're describig my teenage years here. In school, was kind of in many group but I didn't really belong to any group, so I still felt like an outcast despite having a friend circle which was in hindsight more diverse than anyone else's, although back then I thought I was normal and everyone was like me. Only later I realized that my experience of school was different from most others. Most have their group and they never even bother to listen or care about voices from "the others".

Oh man, I feel you on connecting with people over things that AREN'T about my aceness; like.... it's just ONE aspect of me. XD There's SO MUCH MORE to me than that.... And I totally agree that it's important to find groups outside of just one specific thing to get invested in. As for the youtube algorithm stuff, I have a habit of just manually searching out stuff I want based on what I'm needing/ready for, so sometimes more of my soap making channels will pop up, or other times more of my political stuff will pop up and everything in between. But - a lot of it is really positive and if it's not and started to really get me down, I let it pass me by and I search out the positive stuff and change my feed that way. XDa

Tbh, I think you're right about social anxiety being a significant component. And as part of that social anxiety, fear of rejection and/or aggression, personal insecurity of self and personal depletion, and systemically ingrained habits of segregation and reduction. Probably the root of small-mindedness too, now that I think of it. It's definitely healthiest to understand ourselves and others as multi-faceted, but the easier way is to reduce to one or two attributes.

The queer community, though experience, is not as tolerant and welcoming as they claim. And abuse does occur.

I'm on the arospec so I just wanna say my experience with aromanticism is gonna be different from everyone else who uses this term and I think that's beautiful. I understand it is exhausting to explain to people but that's why I just don't unless I know that person is open to know me. And I also love talking about myself so that makes a difference haha. I just don't think making labels even more rigid will help any of us when the real problem is society's own allonormativity. I love being a part of a community where we all have some similarity, yes, but also our own unique experiences and differences with it. It's just so human to me to be able to find that thread of connection within it.

LOVE that coffin bookshelf! > w< Yeah, it can be hard to connect; so I just hang out with randos, not even just ace people.... the ace community accepts some goofy shit, and really isn't very coherent. It's annoying. I'm not in many ace communities for this reason; I'll hang out in AVEN and with you, but that's it for ace-specific places. I don't want to know what other communities are like because of the shitshow I always hear about and it's like naw, I'll not deal with that drama. XD

really insightful video. It's unfortunate asexuality and the ace community has been so co-opted by ppl who are not ace!!

im not asexual but I am aromantic. I used to kind of have the opposite problem where people would expect me to get into a romantic relationship when I did not want to just because we are close as friends. I have extremely close friendships with the people I'm friends with because I'm actually quite amicable and vulnerability comes naturally to me. So there's this weird expectation that I need to make it a Thing that I don't really appreciate, I have frequently seen friends get jealous of eachother when i was younger and it was really bizarre honestly. Luckily I've made friends who are also both queer and racialized who dont have these weird expectations of what I should do with my life and time so I can just *live*. The reason i mention this si because there's these really bizarre expectations people have for relationships, and what relationships should be for, and a lot of ideas of intimacy have been tied to both romantic and sexual relationship when they dont have to be, and that's probably the main cause of the loneliness issue for a lot of people. People expect you to both have sex and be romantically involved to achieve intimacy but in reality intimacy only requires vulnerability. Additionally with the complaint about label discourse I would liek to point out that actually a lot of ppl who could be considered bi sexual do just use the gay label, additionally there are also lesbians who will just call themselves gay as well. Gay is also frequently used as an umbrella term for just any queer person and people still manage to find out what definition someone is talking about despite multiple groups of people using the term interchangeably. Terms like lesbians also have a similar thing where its used as a gender identity by some (yes really), used to be a label for bisexual women and still is (yes really), is a political action (yes really), includes nonbinary people who like other nonbinary people sometimes (yes really) and ofc the more mainstream usage as just women who like other women exclusively. And boy is lesbian discourse a cesspit. I think the issue with the non acceptance of asexual people who are just asexual is just that people have these expectations of relationships ingrained in their minds more deeply than say heterosexuality in general. People expect you to get married and have kids esp when you're a woman whether you want to or not etc etc. Its just simply not possible for a label to be clearly defined because of the way semantics and language operates its a losing battle, which is why political activism done on the basis of personal identification almost always fails. Focusing on deconstructing expectations of how people should and can live their lives specifically eliminating the expectation of sex from others is probably the only way to really advocate for this stuff.

i think in general, its definitely hard to meet folks. especially online. especially for folks who don't drink (like me) and who want, well, a deep connection. i don't want something superficial. i want something deep, something emotional. and like, with all the scammers and superficial folks online, its hard to meet people. and for me, like, i dont even care at this point if i wind up with someone asexual or allosexual. if the person is allo, i would want them to understand about asexuality. but so far, its hard to really even make friends, let alone find someone to date. and i think, working full time, you dont have the time or energy to be social, and the limited time you do have, you dont want to waste it. and with the limited free time folks do have, they got errands to run, chores to do, etc. and whatever actual free time is left for something social, youre left exhausted and with not many spoons left. so its hard cycle to break out of and if youre in a constant cycle of work and being busy, its hard to break out of it

to comment on trauma, I'm a baby ace who after reflection has found the opposite of the bigoted claims of "asexuality being caused by trauma" to be true for me. I was exposed to sexual abuse and sexual repression from about the age of four and that, in combination, caused what I can only describe as an obsession with sex. What's interesting about it for me is that I look back and see all of those struggles as happening in an asexual CONTEXT. The way I expressed hypersexuality was in private and the feelings I repressed were never actual sexual attractions or urges towards other people; they were my aesthetic and platonic attraction that I reinterpreted as romantic and sexual. Even MORE interesting is that I still wasn't physically able to exist beyond the platonic/aesthetic. as obsessed with sex as I was, either in breaking taboo or "graduating to adulthood" my aversion & indifference to sex remained a practical reality, even if my obsession with it consumed my life in the theoretical. I realize that my trauma-induced hypersexuality happened not only separately from, but in the context of my asexuality. So not only do I experience the "trauma causes aceness" as false, my experience demonstrates the opposite. Also,I wanted to comment on the "liberal problem" of the online ace spaces. I'm not in many online ace spaces as of yet, but I do see the broader problem you mentioned and i wanted to say that it doesn't exist (or at least not in the same way) in militant leftist/anti-colonial/queer-leftist/spaces. I think that there is (at least) less of it in those spaces because they depend on clearly-defined set of beliefs and cultures of resistance against eroding those beliefs. I think asexuals don't feel we have strong histories of resistance to look to. We definitely do have MAJOR involvement in resistance movements, historically. We don't yet have a well-defined culture of resistance that we militantly internalize. Videos like this one (no matter how old it is) move us toward a dedicated and concerted effort to be represented in the broader queer community as people who work towards queer liberation. Like I said, I'm a baby ace so my take is likely inherently (majorly) flawed, but it's this: we need more militancy and willingness to be aggressive about being taken seriously.

I have a friend who went to trade school and makes more money than I probably ever will 😅 I think everyone deserves the opportunity to go to college, but since that's not the world we live in, most of us have to be practical about it. Going because you need a degree for the job you want makes sense, but going because "it's just what you do" once you finish high school, I mean, unless you just happen to have all that money lying around, it's probably not a good reason to go into lifelong debt.

It's not worth it. It's a 2 trillion debt scam. Why? In opinion is because we are chasing reward, that is paper then job, instead of building skill. And it takes time to build skill because everyone is different. It can take me a year to build skill for me and someone else 6 years. With exceptions such as medicine but the rest of the degrees are useless. For computer science for example people a 6 month course it being dragged down the road for 4 years by taking useless electives. Also we can learn anything on the internet these days making the only reason we go to college political rather than a necessity. College is a scam. We should have more training institutions instead.

Hi, new kid on the block here, just came across your channel, i think i'll wait for part two before i say anything substantial

Some colleges are required to report, at a high level, what their operating budgets look like, and it's interesting. Public k-12 can be "free" because it's built on the assumption that we'll underpay everyone but they are passionate about their job so they'll do it anyway. That fails at the college level. Especially if it's a "full service" college with dorms and cafeterias/restaurants and a dozen different supporting offices (career and international and recruiting etc etc) outside of the 30 different academic departments people expect every college to have. Imagine 100 professors who expect to make 2-3 times what each student is paying in tuition, then another 50 of deans and assistant deans and vice presidents who expect to make the same, then the full time support staff and people in the cafeteria and a small clinic and therapists and people to mow the lawn. Like it's a LOT of salaries to pay, and we all want our college to be paying a living wage and good benefits to the employees. Like, tuition is crazy, but if you look at the budgets for smaller colleges, most of them operate at a loss. The ones that survive had massive donations 50-100 years ago and depend on slowly draining those endowments.

Husband and I fell for wwdb too they are a cult

I know this video is super old but you have great camera presence and a fun personality! You should have blown up on KZbin 😊 i hope you are successful and im glad you got out of the mlm cult.

I've always wanted to work in wildlife conservation, but it didn't take me long to learn that it's one of those fields that, for one thing, requires you to spend a lot time getting unpaid experience to actually get a paying job (which most people can't afford,) and once you get a paying job, in most cases it won't pay you enough to live off. I still want to volunteer, but I think I have a more realistic idea about it. Definitely a reality check LOL. I think it's sad the way passionate people in such an important and necessary field get treated. Anyway, I agree, it's necessary a lot of the time to get a job you don't love and do what you're passionate about on the side, if you don't want to starve and be homeless. And if you do get a job you love, that is awesome. But it doesn't always happen sadly.

extremely relatable. i have adhd and my current job is an office job where all i do is answer calls. its incredibly boring but its so great because i have a lot of downtime to focus in making art and making things for my itty bitty art business. multitasking while taking calls helps SO MUCH. i have worked corporate jobs and restaurant jobs where i've earned much more than what i make now. but each job stomped on my soul enough to get me to my breaking point. i work hard in every single area of my life. I will never have to work hard at this job and its been super helpful.

I know this an older video but I feel like the Reddit communities are a little better about this. They will tell people libido or erectile functionality has nothing to do with being ace, which I think is really fair. Not sure if you feel comfortable sharing but what is the ace dating community you talked about? I've been wanting to meet other ace folk since coming out (for friendship, not dating) and havent known where to look

Whaaaat you bought a house that's amazing! Congrats!

Minu: Sadie, if you could please sit down. Sadie: /Stands up on top of Minu. Lol, the reoccurring saga. I suppose Sadie thinks that you should be giving the attention to her, not the camera. Would it work to have a cat bed nearby when you film? So Sadie could feel included. Idk though, maybe she just likes being a little disruptive. Anyway, sounds like, stress of transitioning situations aside, you've gotten set up for longterm less stress. Excellent that there are good GF food options for you, about and accommodated.

So much positivity in this video I love it 😭 so glad you have a workplace that supports and accepts you!

It will be okay

It will be ok ❤

I thought I experienced this but I just realized how big your audience is… not a subscriber or viewer but good luck with this and hope you can upload soon ♥️

We understand. I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Sounds like a lot, but you got this! Everything will be ok 🙏🏽❤️

Its ok to be stressed ik i would be too but, its ok lifes tough but you just gotta be tougher ❤ ❤

<3

We will wait for you Minu! 🖤No apologies needed! I am so sorry for the frustration, confusion, constant to-do list, unpleasant surprises, etc. That is so much. You are doing what you can, and that is okay. IT IS OKAY. AND YOU WILL BE OKAY! Imma send good vibes that someone with my interests (organizing, putting furniture together and such) appears and helps you! Slim chance but that's what I got haha.

Hey, it's okay about not having videos up yet and it's also okay to be freaking out about everything. When there's a lot happening and a lot of adjusting to do and like, no auto-pilot or solid footing you can fall back on to stabilize, that is stressful as heck, and even if everything is going well your brain is still processing everything that could go wrong. It sounds like you are handling everything pretty well, all things considered. Take care as best you can, Minu, you can do this <3.

Sounds like "my lived experience is that other ppls lived experience is what I want it to be" lol ppl need to stop trying to turn every group into an incell group... much love❤

I came looking for ace videos after witnessing rowan ellis' video on "ace discourse" where she says a women with hormone imbalance post menopause and a man that lost his libido from pain med side effects were not only asexual but that i was a gatekeeper? I was shocked, i haven't interacted with ace communities much and didn't know this was something people believed? It felt like being told asexuals are just sick. I shared these feelings with an ace discord i had joined and was scolded. I brought up she said being asexual could be temporary and they agreed. Someone told me that an asexual can still feel attraction. They directed me to a server rule to not invalidate others. I don't want to sound overdramatic but it feels like everything i thought i understood about asexuality was gone. I was confused. I hope i can find a community to talk to other asexuals one day And thank you for making this video. I'm very happy to know i'm not alone

This video reminds me of Babylon Berlin. A "normie" who just stumbles upon this without in-depth knowledge of the subject matter might consider all of this confusing made up nonsense, but if one understands the subject matter, trends in society and the LGBT+-community and knows what all the words mean, one realizes what a well thought-out masterpiece this is.

0:52 My mum did that for me when I was in a hurry to go to school once. 😁

So much bullshit in this video, I don't even know from where to begin

i was scared when you mentioned genki because i had this video playing in the background as i did some of the exercises!! i think you’re right that you have to find an enjoyable/entertaining way to study and practice, i remember all sorts of vocabulary words and phrases from music that i’ve encountered only once, as compared to some anki cards i’ve struggled with for months.

Asexual means you can reproduce by yourself. A different word should be used for us. Because asexual just isn't correct.

thanks for sharing

Blackout curtains for the summertime so you can sleep in!

Rental Co's make so much money in fees, it pays to keep people moving. 😢 like 60% of my take home pay goes to rent. I understand we arent actually having a conversation. But all the comments cant hurt the algo. Lol

Just inspired to say..yes! October and November are THE best months!

I also do not like summer. The heat, the insects, the humidity, and yes, the sun always being there incessantly and limiting available sleep hours. The spring, I guess, should still be tolerable, but since it heralds the coming of summer its arrival just brings a feeling of despair for me.

I relate to a lot of what was said here, Minu.

i would be nervous to tell my employers i am autistic

Hey Minu, I've been a silent subscriber for some time but I just wanted to tell you I am so proud of you and the progress you have made!

I'm not sure having a "purpose" (not sure if I fully believe in the concept anyway) is a privilege thing (but getting to do it might be) because I have known since I was a little kid what I'm here to do (again, not sure if I believe in this stuff but it always has just felt like this to me, like an inner knowing, something I didn't even really choose but that just seems natural to me). And I grew up in chaos, poverty and with lots of abuse and struggle. Also with no real support and I still am in this fight to try to get out of all this suffering. I now am chronically ill, a lot of normal things are not possible for me or really big hurdles and just existing is difficult and exhausting. I also still have almost no support (never have had that really), have cut contact with most of my family (due to abuse) and also I am autistic so I have a lot of difficulties that most people do not. My life has been pretty awful when looked at objectively and I have just been trying to survive and somehow get to a point where not everything is suffering. But despite all this I always have had this pull to what I feel like is to be my contribution here. Despite everything it has never left me even though I purposefully mostly turned away from actively doing stuff related to that because I thought it was the responsible thing to do, that I had to get my life in order first (that didn't work out). And that makes it kind of worse because the impulse is still there, pulling at me, it never goes away. At times I felt it would be easier if I could just give up but this thing always comes back up and it feels like, I can't leave till I haven't done my part. I don't even believe in any sort of "purpose" as a concept really but I just always had this strong feeling to what I should be doing. Although it is also what I want to do and what makes me happy, it seems to go beyond just enjoyment and also feels kind of like a duty and a task I'm meant to accomplish and like it's not really about me but about the thing I'm doing - I can get really lost in that. But that last part is also just a thing that happens when I do stuff and get really focused which might just be an autistic thing... so I don't know. I have noticed so far, that ignoring this pull seems to be the very thing that not only makes me unhappy but sicker everyday I push it away from me.

omg. that really sucks about the torrent issues you were facing. digital media has been a real joke. if you need help finidng a new video editing software, i know a few legit ones that are free and open source.

Idk. The way you describe it there are two very different situations - The people on the dating site obviously either need to clarify or be booted, but the people saying "I'm asexual because of trauma/erectile dysfunction" I'm not so sure about. The way you describe it, they weren't saying "trauma/erectile dysfunction automatically leads to asexuality", but that in their personal experience that was what they experienced happening. I feel it's a bit scaremongering to take these few examples and then conclude we need more gatekeeping, when oftentimes people love to use gatekeeping as a way to police and bully and create uncertainty, doubt and fear in people who are questioning. When people become obsessed with rooting out the "transtrenders", that hurts the trans community as a whole, and I think the same would likely be true of the ace community. I know that even without trauma or dysfunction, I've asked myself if I would be less asexual if I wasn't depressed, or if my parents were nicer, or if I wasn't bullied, or if I was prettier, or less autistic, or if I found the perfect person, and like, what is the point of all that? It's a black box - and sure, maybe something will someday change in my biology or mind and my sexuality will shift, but should I hold off on identifying myself in any way just because it might turn out to have been slightly conditional? Even when it's immensely helpful to have the asexual label to communicate my current experience and to be able to find community with people who are very much like me? I'm not saying you're arguing that, but I feel that is where the rhetoric of gatekeeping ultimately leads - to people trying to separate the "true" aces from the "false" and destroying the community in the process. That is why we should always be extremely careful in choosing to exclude people, and I think the people in the forum are wise to be cautious and gentle. My response with the commenters you mentioned would be to be curious and ask them more about their experience in a non-judgemental way. Just because having trauma or sexual dysfunction are stereotypes about asexuals doesn't mean aces can't have trauma or sexual dysfunction, and the relationship between those things can be fascinating. And I think getting allosexuals to accept aceness has more to do with getting them to accept that not having sex isn't the end of the world, than it has to do with them understanding the specifics of ace identity and its boundaries. When people immediately tell aces to check their hormones, it's not because they actually care about them fitting into their identity - they don't even know what asexuality is most of the time, but because they think not having sex or sexual attraction will immediately lead to an unhappy, lesser life. Whether somebody has erectile dysfunction, or is ace, or both, that idea is still false and very hurtful when the person is expressing that they do not have sexual attraction or want sex.

When I try to explain that 'some' asexual people have sex for particular reasons, it doesn't mean that this applies to all asexuals, but people prefer to generalize

I really relate to your channel a lot. I am a 22 year old, asexual woman who is neurodivergent and has PTSD. I thank you for sharing your insights. It makes me feel like I will overcome my obstacles. Congratulations on all your accomplishments and achievements. You deserve them!