Just beautiful

15 years as an inner city paramedic. So many screams and fear in my head. I could never quiet the agony that was inside my head. Looking for the answers in the bottom of the bottle. It made me numb just a bit but almost caused my family to be ripped apart. When I saw this video and heard your words. I saw the emotions on your face singing this one. I sobbed like a little boy. It poured from me. Needles to say I found God in that moment. Saved my life. Thank you for your truth, your raw struggles and feelings put on paper for the rest of us to hear and know we're never alone.

December 2024? Yeah? Me too.

Those who are just feeling like they can't anymore. YES the heck you can. This one is hitting in place I didn't think it would.

This song saved my life after my fiance passed away. All of Justins songs and his personal struggles w mental health, too. But this song, man. Literally brought me back fm the brink! Yall are gonna think i am nuts for even sharing this story, but i swear to God it's true... little backstory here..... My fiance and i LOVED Blue October. Jammed out to them and Incubus all the time! Well, I fell into a pretty deep depression and then addiction after losing Mike on Aug 16 2005. Mike was only 20 & I was 19. Ended up doing anything and everything to numb the intense pain of losing him. Ended up getting pregnant w my oldest child on Aug 16 2006 w my "drunken hookup" then subsequently having 2 more babies after him. BUT in 2011 i couldnt handle life anymore. I was done. I tried at this life thing w out Mike and just couldnt IMAGINE going however many years more w a broken soul. My youngest was born on Jan 25 2011. My 3 innocent, beautiful babies deserved a great life, and a great mama. Not me and what I was giving them. My kids and I lived w my parents, they could give my babies a better life than I ever could. Ya know, the amazing things we tell ourselves when we just cant do life anymore..... So, on Aug 16 2011 i attempted suicide. Now, this is the part yall are NEVER gonna believe. I KNOW I died. I walked out of complete darkness and saw 2 men standing right inside this bright room. I looked over and saw my brother Brett. He passed at age 12 and I was only 9. I ran and hugged him and just bawled! Then he wiped my tears and said, "dont forget abt him" and pointed to the other man. It was my Michael. I was SO HAPPY to see him! Gave him the biggest hug and kiss. Told him all I wanted was to see him n to be w him again. That I couldn't live w out him w me. Then i said, "im dreaming. This has to be a dream. Right?!" My brother said, "Rachel, when u dream, do i ever visit u in them? NO! Only Mike does. So u know damn well ur not dreaming rn. This is real." I then asked Mike if I was really w them. Mike told me to take a walk w him so i did and my brother followed us to a small bedroom. Mike and I sat on the bed, and my brother said, " Why did u do it? Why are u here w us instead of being at home? U have left my nephews and my niece alone. They need u. they'll always need u. I'll let u 2 talk now. But I love u Rachey poo (which is what they used to call me when I was little), " then left and shut the door. I looked at Mike and told him I was so happy he was there. But i wanted proof, undeniable proof he was really there. He said he would gove me that, then said, "Can u feel me touching u rn? How about this? "as he kissed my forehead. Yep, it was real. I felt everything. Him and I sat and just talked about how hard life had been the past 6 yrs. How amazing my kids are, but how I felt like a failure to them. How WE were supposed to have kids together and grow old together, etc. I will never forget this part as long as I live.... Mike said, "Dance w me," n put on a song. It was Blue October. Then I asked him what song it was, because I'd never heard that song before. I knew all of their songs, just not this one.....we kept dancing and holding each other when Mike said, "u know u can't stay here, right? I love you so so much! But it's not time yet. Ur beautiful babies need u. Ur all they have Ray. I will be here when it IS ur time. Then we will get married and spend eternity together. If u stay here now, then one of ur babies will go down this same road ur on now. They will struggle w losing u so bad that they'll also use drugs to escape the pain. And it'll be too late if u stay here. U can't help them fm here. Do u want Cayd to go thru the pain ur going thru rn?!" I just started bawling, Cayds my oldest son. I would NEVER want one of my kids to suffer what i did. Feel the way ive felt. Mike knew that. He then said, "I need u to remember this song. Its called Fear. And u know its obviously Blue October. This is the acoustic version. It hasnt come out yet." And I didnt understand what he meant by that. But he pushed it into my head to remember it. Cuz it was very important to remember. Mike then said, "as much as this is gonna hurt me to let u go back, its time Ray. U gotta go" so i started bawling and begging him not to make me go back it was too painful. I then said, "why this song Mike? Why do I have to remember this song for?" He grabbed my face w both hands on my cheeks and gave me a smile, then said to me, "because this song is the only thing thats gonna absolutely convince u that this whole conversation w Brett and I is really real. Its also going to be ur personal anthem to get u thru the toughest of times to come! It'll be the one song that helps u to survive thru this hell ur living. So i need u to wait until the next albums released. Then u will have absolutely zero doubts and know we aren't a dream. That this moment is 1000% real. And so u know I'll always wait for u. And I'll be w u every step of the way until it's ur time. I'll wait for u right by that front door until then. I'll welcome u back w a kiss and open arms!" I then said, "I miss u so much Mike. Ill always love u, my cowboy" he said, "forever and always Ray. More than there are stars in the sky, my cowgirl" then kissed me 1 more time on the lips, then said "goodbye my love" then kissed my forehead. As soon as he did that, I woke up back in my bed and threw up violently. I swallowed a bunch of pills, was home alone waiting to die in bed, somehow threw all of them up and survived. That entire time telling myself, "wow what a weird ass dream man! I wish it was real, cuz it just felt so fucking real!" Then thru the years, i completely forgot abt the dream. 2 yrs later Blue October released their album Sway. Of course I bought the CD, i had every single one ever produced. Again, I had basically forgotten abt the entire near death thing. Until fear started playing. I KNEW i had heard those same lyrics before. I just KNEW IT! I listened to that song over and over just convinced i had heard that song before! I just didnt know where! Then it all came flooding back to me, i always convinced myself that it was just a super realistic pill induced dream! I pulled out my laptop and searched KZbin for an acoustic version of this song....and there it was. The exact song I REMEMBER dancing w mike to! But how?! Its NOT possible! But then I remembered him saying he KNEW that was the only thing that would convince me that it wasnt a dream. That it all really did happen. And I burst into tears and listened to this song on repeat! Mike was right too, it IS the song thats become my anthem. I had gotten sober 10 days after I attempted suicide. I boarded a plane fm Oklahoma and went to rehab in Michigan for the next 6 mos. Even after getting home and remaining sober, I felt as if I was living in a fog. Until that day in my bedroom w this song on repeat! I've battled my depression and suicide w this song. I've helped my own children battle thru lifes toughest times w this song. It is now THEIR life anthem! I owe Justin and Blue October my entire life. Im so beyond blessed now, and my babies are 13, 15 n 17, and the most wonderful things I've ever done! Not wanting my oldest child to suffer losing me, being he's the only one old enough to actually remember who I was, I got sober. And I've stayed sober! Just passed my 13 yr anniversary in August! And I haven't attempted suicide since! Yes, my lifes been hard, and I still struggle w out having Mike here w me. But i KNOW he's watching over me n waiting for my day to come so he can meet me and embrace me again! After getting home from my parents' house Thanksgiving night, my 15 yr old and I were fixing to pull into the garage. We had youtube music in my car on singing loudly a Bruno Mars album (that is his and I thing. Bruno Mars karaoke). As soon as I started to pull into the garage, Fear started playing. Him n I just looked at each other in disbelief! Then the next song was mine n Mikes song. Then the one after is what they played at his funeral. I was a big puddled mess of tears while my son just held me. I KNEW it was Mike. Just showing us he was there. And still protecting us to this day! 🩵🩵 Sorry for the long ass comment. It's just completely surreal to me still! Thank u for saving my life, Justin! 💙💙

So emotionally moving. Justin never disappoints

This is a beautiful song. Yes, i have a preference to that stripped down style. And rhythmic, poetic, lyrical content. Having a chameleonistic vocal range, is a huge bonus, not all songs get. It's what defines a song as Great. Rather than just good. If a song can tug at your emotions... *every, time you hear it...* then you have a masterpiece. They are rare. And *must* be appreciated for that fact. They are few.

Watching him struggle and contort his face to hit them notes makes me less sad that I can't hit a single note.

First time hearing this wow incredible

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnWvXnlpocx5fMUsi=1gc9PfgpCg3hN6ew. ❤

It sure can. I say believe in Jesus. You can hate me, I am use to it. But I still care. ❤ believe it or not.

Legend.

I am so lost and sitting he I have no family and I say no family I've raised 5 children with a dv husband 2018 found out I illness no cure then shortly after 2819 my son was diagnosed with autism and then flee from NZ only to carry more then I could as the disease also aggressive then had surgery in 2022 and 2023

Contentment is happiness is what i realize whether im content or not

❤❤❤

This! This will always be a real song for those who suffer and fight the temptation of drugs and alcohol. Seeing the song performed live was Haunting, saving Fear and Hate Me for the Encore was EPIC!

Thank you Justin

Amazing performance

Your voice is pure inflection of your soul. Fantastic brother.

I always turn to Blue October when I’m having a rough day 😢

This is my favorite song right now. I’m going through a rough time health wise and this song I feel to my core

46 and just discovered this artist (and similar genre/vulnerable writing). It's just what I need during this healing phase of my life. thank you friend.

❤ crying love you forever ♾️ Becky Powers

Whaaaaaat

I was very close to the point of no return one night,when my daughter sent me a link to this song.after a major break down i made it to the morning.thank you for this beauty.

Helped in countless ways to break my opiate addiction. In addition, as a psychotherapist, I have shared this song with countless clients.

fuck.........God smacked.

Love this song

There's way too much of this going on in this country today. Men/fathers are crapped on by the courts and scorned women. Men are killing themselves over being so heartbroken about not seeing their children. No man on earth should be denied his right to be a loving father. Nobody cares though. Hang in there guys. I finally got custody of mine about 6 months ago. Don't stop fighting for them.

Just amazing how this speaks to me. So powerful.

This is my favorite Blue October song. I feel it very deeply

This guy is pure love and absolute talent 🥰

g o a t . f i l m . c r e a t o r / d i v i z n .

Wow! Just WOW

Thank you for the gift of this song.

Nothing....nothing else moves me like this mans voice

I hope my son Vincent gets my dedication to him.....I love you son

Fastest 6 and a half minutes of beautiful pain I've ever seen he is absolutely fantastic!!!!

Top 5 all time song for me. Just so good.

I love the acoustic version..its raw an real

This song touches my heart. Like you wouldn't believe. I want to thank you, and tell you, your an amazing artist. And a great singer, your music will always hold a special spot in my heart.. and again Thank You..

I wish these songs would resonate with my ex.

I like to think I was content we're still running in fear and it's probably going to get worse before it's gets better I'll never give up

I might have been gone but I never walked out. That counts, mister.

@5:24 I froze, tears sprang into my eyes and goosebumps sprang up all over me.

First time i have saw this video or even heard this song was today october 19, 2023 😮😮😮😮 and wow just wow i have no words the end when he stops playing i had chills from head to toe like his voice was speaking straight to my soul ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ absolutely amazing 👏 ALL IMA SAY IF YOU NEVER SAW THIS WAIT UNTIL END OF SONG 🔥🔥🔥❤❤❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤

Dang! Heard that song so many times, but this version on acoustic is POWERFUL!

[>::<]

I wish I could like this video a thousand times. By far one of the most beautiful songs in the world. How Justin can sing / scream with no music and it's so amazing it gives me goosebumps, he is one freaking talented man.

No words... I love it...❤