She was her godmother

probable

Yeah

I only realized what it really meant when I was like 17 or 18 😭

I was on the verge of coming, then just for a split second I saw my former guy in my mind.. a real bad 'hallicunation' out of nowhere it was.. he looked much too young, like totally depressed or maybe even dead already, as if expressing a silent but deep sound of 'help' or disappointment, maybe even an accusation.. probably because of the help I had promised him to give, making him promise to come for a weekly visit to get to the bottom of the problem he couldn 't talk about.. why 'he couldn 't function in a relationship anymore' when having started that new job. It took him about 3 years to give me some facts making me understand, still unwillingly though to really do something about it, while it was ever so obvious.. he could have solved it immediately in fact. He was still the biggest coward ever.. holding a grudge but working it out on innocent people. Some childhood facts had played a role too.. the bad habit was very old already. In the meanwhile I had met you, very soon after I made that promise to the former one while putting him finally at the door. Meeting you was a happy coincidence, but nailed me with my feet at the ground the moment I saw you.. it was so love at first sight! I tried to ignore it, but couldn 't resist you, it was so magical.. it must have been too early though.. really deep in me I must have felt still sorry for the other guy, 'cause it had looked that long as if he was suffering.. while in fact he had been spoiled and was a ruthless coward! Different story all together!!!! But I had still other stories too, not even worth mentioning though.. they couldn 't even begin to match you!!