Привет. Почему Вы удаляете видео и не снимаете новые. И я не могу найти Вас в инстаграм. Привет из ДНР.
@turbulencemedia23292 жыл бұрын
Very interesting.
@mikejb2009a2 жыл бұрын
Come back ...... Please
@memethingz60042 жыл бұрын
Women can be masculine ppl need to unlearn patriarchy smh
@mikejb2009a2 жыл бұрын
Come back Chris.....
@007sarabond3 жыл бұрын
"The tomboy wasn't cute anymore". I hear ya. (Stayed a tomboy though 😉)
@btofan4 жыл бұрын
Sorry, but you look like a man. It never ceases to amaze me that all Butch women look like poor excuses of men. The thing they "hate" they become.
@danamuller50164 жыл бұрын
We really need to make more progress. I am at university, and whenever a guy says something everybody respects his opinion. If I say my opinion (I am a girl) it’s always looked down upon. One guy even told the teacher he couldn’t make it to class because he was hungover. If a girl would said that OMG that would be unacceptable!!!
@ButchAsWoman3 жыл бұрын
I know. We are still so far behind. its sad!
@ButchAsWoman3 жыл бұрын
sorry you have that experience in university, a place to learn and grow and be respected for opinions and thoughts!
@fseesauras4 жыл бұрын
Femininity is not inherant to long hair. It is imposed on it.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
yes, at the end of the day masculinity and femininity in a lot of ways are social constructions. These ideas vary so dramatically across the globe that it is impossible to actually nail down one universal way of being. I am certainly not attempting to tell anyone what is or what isn't. Language is one of our greatest restrictors but if we all allow each other to exist in the language/presentation they feel the most comfortable in, than the words become irrelevant.
@fseesauras4 жыл бұрын
I disagree about the haircut
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
And a lot of people will too. And that's ok. I haven't watched this video in a while so I will rewatch it and let you know what I was getting at and if I feel different these days. Do you remember what minute?
@actuallykaren8504 жыл бұрын
Even though the world has slightly moved forward using the word tolerance!!! Truly it has also stood still.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
I couldn't agree more. I think that the progress we make some times leaves us in a position to be taken aback sometimes. I get caught off guard from time to time but I think that is a good thing, as much as it can be trying. Reminders of work left to be completed will keep us all on track!
@Nomnomonurface5 жыл бұрын
I love your videos. I hope you make more in the future. 😊👍
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thanks a lot. Life got pretty overwhelming but I am back and ready to engage again. If you have any ideas as to what to talk about I'd love to hear it. I lost my voice a little the last year so any help is appreciated. Plus I love to see what people are curious about
@killerkandi1335 жыл бұрын
You’re so brave
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much!!!!!!
@megalodon42285 жыл бұрын
you will soon realize what a shitthole India really is and why they want to come over here
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Turns out, you're wrong again!
@munii32166 жыл бұрын
wow you are so smart, so handsome and so interesting!...butch womyn are a god-sent blessing to this sadly heteronormative, restrictive, transphobic & mysoginstic world that we live in...you give me hope and inspiration to continue to be me even though the world gives so much crap and hatefullness towards gender minorities...thankyou for being unapolagetically you and living as your most authentic self💖
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments!! I am very sorry it took me so long to respond! It's been quite the year. But I am back and I hope you continue to watch and comment. I am sorry the world pushes again your path but your very existence carves the way a little more every day!!!!
@team1martialartsfitness1306 жыл бұрын
Listening to your videos it makes me ask the question maybe we should get rid of the concepts of Butch lesbian heterosexual why can't we just Define you as Christy? Or identify me as Steve? Maybe the time has come to drop the definitions and drop the pronouns and it done the five people with their given identification which is their name? And let that be it.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I do think the idea of labels and boxes, even if we are expanding them with more labels and boxes, can have the opposite effect we are trying to accomplish. However defining me as "Christy" wouldn't work as thats not my name. lol But yeah, I spend a lot of time trying to work to be allowed to just be me.
@team1martialartsfitness1306 жыл бұрын
Gender as a performance. A terminology I have never heard before. Thank you for posting I'm going to continue to follow your blog and get caught up on past videos. I think your exclamations are easy to understand as a lesbro as I have been called videos like this not only help me to understand more of the people around me but also allow the vocabulary for cultural interface. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain these various terms and theories two people like myself who are very interested in how to communicate more effectively. Thank you for posting
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
You are most welcome!!! Sorry it took so long to respond. its been a whirlwind of a year! But I am glad my videos have helped. I know different people often have different approaches to the terminology and may not always agree with me, but I try to use as many ideas as I have learned over the years. Simplify things and just allow people to learn. I really do love the engaging conversations that can be produced when someone asks questions!
@dunkelkatze4206 жыл бұрын
Gender isn't a performance. Gender expression most certainly is. Gender and gender expression aren't the same thing.
@noshpr45346 жыл бұрын
Haruka speaks gender rules are social performances/expectations Sorry I meant gender = social performances/expectations
@dunkelkatze4206 жыл бұрын
So? Gender rules also aren't the same as gender itself. Gender is state of being psycho-socialy a man or a woman.
@noshpr45346 жыл бұрын
Haruka speaks. Gender rules = Masculine/Feminine = Social expectations/performances. Expression is just expression. In reality there is no masculinity or femininity, there are just humans doing (different) things. Female/Woman = Biological sex
@dunkelkatze4206 жыл бұрын
Men and Women aren't their expectations and performances. We aren't just our behaviour but also our internal processes. Gender is the state of being male or female in a psychological, meaning also neurological sense. Psychology today is about how the brain makes us us. Behaviorism had its right to exist, when there were no fMRI scans.
@noshpr45346 жыл бұрын
Haruka speaks Men/Male or Woman/Female = Biological sex. Gender is a social construct. In reality we are humans. There female humans and male humans who psychologicaly can do/achieve/like/express same things or different things. But society teach people since their birth how to act/do things or what to like/believe based on their biological sex.
@mariairiny6 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing this. I wonder if you ever got any response and even better the time you so bravely asked for. Looking forward to an update. Strong thoughts from Holland.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Alas, he never responded. I can't say I am surprised as he was facing legal action against him for being accused of violating peoples human rights with his comments. I do not know the outcome of that but hopefully he was found guilty. I just posted a short update video after a year of taking care of life. I will definitely be more present moving forward. I miss connecting with our community
@mikejb2009a6 жыл бұрын
I need your opinion "kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaXJpY2GgZKebbs" how many genders are there. I say two sexual genders male and female but there are shades of grey as far as preference. People that consider them selves straight (but year after year are bi curious) both men and women as well as people that are not bi curious but just plain bi. People that will do same sex oral but do not like kissing and hugging same sex while naked.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Sorry again that I didn't see this. I am not sure one can put a number on genders. To be honest, I really don't even like the word. Boxes us in too much. I think expressing gender is infinite and is fluid, at least for a lot of people. How we seek intimacy is entirely different and nothing related to gender. Sexuality, whether it be gay, lesbian, bi, pan, etc, or what we enjoy, kink, pain, soft, vanilla, are an entirely different set of human existences. Both equally important, just different things. I think how people express love and romance and intimacy and sexuality is so variant. It changes from mood to mood, year to year, partner to partner. Flows along a spectrum back and forth and as we learn about ourselves, we add to that spectrum. Gender presentation can absolutely do the same thing but has no bearing on sexual pleasure really. It can be a component to pursuing it or how one pursues you, but not in reaching orgasm or pleasure. Hope that helps
@mo-su9yd6 жыл бұрын
Did you ever get that conversation? I just came upon your channel and I admire you a lot!
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately no. I am not surprised. I wanted to read it at a local meeting but never got the chance as I missed the timing. He did just lose his defamation suit again someone who spoke out against him so that is good! I also know there is legal action against him accusing him of violating human rights in BC for his chosen words. That is still pending.
@dreadlixxxbelle16686 жыл бұрын
Am really excited to find your channel! Love your smart, honest, practical and personable delivery and explanations loving your work handsome woman xXx
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Awe shucks! I am glad you are enjoying it. Sorry i have been absent for a bit. I am back now and ready to engage!!!
@queerstars16 жыл бұрын
Good job. Thanks. XO
@mikejb2009a6 жыл бұрын
Unless a person is LGB they can never understand that sexual preference is never black and white. I have met guys that consider themselves mostly straight not mostly bi do oral on a guy in threesomes and like it. I have also met people switch from same sex to opposite and back. The first girl I brought home looked like Theresa Rubel on that show Grimm but the women that knew was a lot more masculine looking. I think I have an impossible quest. Find a women that looks butch lesbian but will still jump in bed with a guy. In Toronto Wellesley area near Yonge or Church when pride is on makes me turn my head constantly. I knew one women that at pride she had more women looking at her then men. Not really masculine but as close as I could ever find.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I really wish more guys like you would feel safe to share their stories. Same with butch women who like butch women. We, as a culture, are so stuck in this binary that it is so easily ignored, and even shamed, that a masculine woman might be bi. I know they exist, Keep looking and I will wish you all the wonderful bi butch woman you can find!!!!!
@cheri_b6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these. Thank you for being a brigde builder. 💙💙💙
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much! sorry it took so long to respond!
@matthewpegram89636 жыл бұрын
CRIS YOU WILL DO FINE IN INDIA, JUST BE YOURSELF AND SOAK UP THE WONDERS OF INDIA'S BEST! NOM MA STAI!!!
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
India was amazing. I posted a few videos and have some more somewhere in all my stuff I will post on day. I hope you check them out!
@sleepyccs6 жыл бұрын
These new anti-bullying polices are not going to support children like the one you were. With this new push to promote "gender identity" in schools, a little gender non-conforming girl will be groomed into thinking that she is really a boy. What do you think constantly asking a little gnc girl what her pronouns are over and over again will do? It's a form of grooming. *Transing the gay away.* These anti-bully polices would not have offered you support. You would have been pushed out of girlhood and pushed into being genderqueer / trans.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
I hope that's not the case. I know some teachers in our community here and it sounds like its not being applied that way.
@flyingsquirrel9656 жыл бұрын
Awesome thanks
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
You are most welcome!!
@user-wt5if6rx8m6 жыл бұрын
The ponytail thing is so important to me right now. Thing is I'm a butch lesbian myself, but I've had short hair since 14yo, so everyone is kinda used to it. I'm 21 now and though I'd love to grow my hair for a little change, it's weird, I'm scared because I know what's coming for me. "Oh so now you're becoming a girl again". "Halfway done, now put on a skirt" "Your clothes won't suit you anymore". People will bother me with femininity even more because of something they associate with it, the long hair, that I don't.
@cheri_b6 жыл бұрын
ナビイ I never knew y'all struggled with the ponytail. This is a great video for us heteros to learn from.
@user-wt5if6rx8m6 жыл бұрын
cblck7 It's very subjective I guess, many girls don't have any problems with that but I particularly feel uncomfortable when people force femininity on me. Of course I know how the world works and I try not to bother, because I cannot control people's perceptions on me. I just wish I wouldn't feel really bad when I do something and people see it as being "girly" even if I don't agree with their definitions of "girly"
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
And that why the boxes and language are culture lives by makes it so difficult for people to be able to express themselves. I can totally understand why that would scare you. It's probably a very real possibility. I think its great when we challenge norms, even if those norms are the understanding that you didn't and haven't conformed to those norms. Its why I love seeing butch women walk hand in hand with each other! I say go for it. I hope you found a decision that brought you peace. Id love to hear more about what you decided and if you grew your hair out, how you were received! sorry it took so long to respond. Its been a long year
@pseudonamed3 жыл бұрын
My ex GF teased me because I had short hair when we were together and now it's long. she was implying I'm trying to conform to femininity.. I was like 'no, this is actually lower maintenance than getting a haircut all the time'. Like I literally stopped putting effort into my hair and now it's immediately labelled as "feminine" when for me it's just "natural".
@hannahwyliewylie70146 жыл бұрын
There's a gender nonconforming little girl on good girls on nbc who's bullied. www.imdb.com/title/tt6474378/ My "liberal" abusive "narcissistic" mother obsesses over my gender nonconformity as a child. She complained about it to a psychiatrist when I was 25 and she wrote possible "gender identity disorder" in my medical records even though this "disorder" is not in the dsm v and I she never spoke about this "issue" with me. I did have a short hair cut at the time though. Thanks for these videos.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
As an adult, my mom told me a child psychologist also "diagnosed" me as trans. Not sure if my mom softened the explanation for me or not but I am sure it didn't come from a place of understanding. After all, it was the late 80's. I'm sorry you had to experience trauma related to your gender presentation. Such a tough road so many of us have travelled, but be proud of yourself for still being here.
@valentina97376 жыл бұрын
Oh, that was painful to watch. Sending you some love from Slovenija too (and wandering, what are you going to do with all that europian love).:)
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sending some love. I will take all that you want to ship this way!! lol I plan on basking in all of it!!! sorry it took so long to respond!
@theresejonsson54506 жыл бұрын
❤lots of love from Sweden ❤ You are fantastic 😍and perfekt😍 ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
Awe thank you!!! You're kindness means a lot!!
@ravenraven53746 жыл бұрын
Do you never get plain angry or even furious with people you don´t know who believe it to be their job to ask you intimate questions? I honestly REALLY do myself. How do you cope with anger? I know ignorant people should be forgiven but there are times I think a linguistic, not physical, punch in the face is a better "solution." If this is offensive to anybody so be it. I need not take offences from people I do not know and have no desire to get to know and with whom I would absolutely never sleep. They have no right whatsoever to ask me intimate questions.
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
My anger usually results when I am met with disdain and disgust. I generally appreciate questions, even if they are inappropriate, as long as they are asked from a place of true desire to learn and humility. the bathroom is generally the place my anger surfaces because that's where I am treated with the most disgust. For some reason, thats where my apparent true deviance is on display. But for the most part, even when angry, I try to handle each situation with care. We are all products of the same prejudices, we all just play different roles in it. I truly believe that when we engage thoughtfully, particularly with those that approach us with anger, we can slowly break down the walls and build bridges. With that said, its not my f*k'g job to educate people, its theirs. Sometimes I am tired and will respond with a sharp tongue and I feel entitled to that because the world treats me really poorly sometimes. but I also know that on those days, I lost an opportunity to take a piece from that wall. But thats ok too. Sometimes we need those walls to protect us!
@lbbutch6 жыл бұрын
I came out to basically everyone important in my life last year and im trying to be more me everyday. I have "gender problems" and it still scares me tbh. I cut my hair and but not as short as i want it to be and im trying i really am but im still scared. Im from a small town so if i dont already have a target on my face because the way i dress a haircut certainly will put it there. And im an adult now. I cant stop thinking about how to keep/get a job and the social pressure is too much so i waste my time watching videos of people like me so i make sure ill be ok. so thank you so much! i hope one day i get the courage to cut my hair and be unapologetic me
@lbbutch6 жыл бұрын
Butch. As.Woman thank you! And I guess you're right. I should practice being more proud of what I've accomplished so far
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
It's can be tough to not concentrate on what you're not accomplishing but absolutely don't forget about what you have. Don't ifnore where you want to be but there should be no shame in having to take your time to get there no matter what the reason for the delay! Being here and being you is something to be proud of!!
@valentina97376 жыл бұрын
Yep. I like to listen to you talk.
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
Well I'm glad I'm not boring you. Ha. I never really know what to talk about on this so feel free to shoot me questions. :)
@drekaflugan6 жыл бұрын
thank you for this video, i'm a lesbian wondering if i'm butch
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome. Sorry it took so long for me to respond. It took me a while to figure things out but looking back I knew it all along. Your heart knows what's right for you, it's just a matter of workingnuo the courage to listen. At least it was for me. Once I listened my heart led the way.
@badbutches39596 жыл бұрын
Pony tail... Spot on about the arrival of violence in the absence of at least one placatory feminine signifier. That means we're not even apologizing now ...which is the same as "asking for it" then. There is no Butch Invisibility :'( We can try dress it in "girl drag" but people still sense the "otherness" either way. Sorry about the experiences you've been having. I was just "tranny man" bashed at lunch time on the Toronto subway, people and staff who were initially coming to help turned away once they saw the assault target was a masculine woman. This started when I was 6 that was 40 years ago and the years of boundary and safety violations has made it hard to even want to date: Hello here's dapper, handsome me and my MASSIVE SUITCASE FULL OF TRAUMA! Lol ... Yeah. :-) All the best! Enjoying the vids.
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
We butch types have a massive suitcase that's for sure! I'm sorry about your experiences though. The world is a shitty place sometimes but people like yourself reaching out remind me we have a community within all of it. :)
@catfri19956 жыл бұрын
You said exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell people for so long. Great explanation.
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
I'm glad my words speak to you!!! It took a long time for me to find them myself. :)
@Missteree876 жыл бұрын
My dream woman 😍
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
☺️
@myescape73656 жыл бұрын
Do u have any social media
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
I have an Instagram account of the same name, Butch.as.woman
@sabetzero77156 жыл бұрын
it's amazing how relaxed and informed you are on that topic
@ButchAsWoman4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much! I don't know if I'd say informed, but I do try to keep tabs on all ideas that have been presented to me over the years and then try to express them through this page.
@seannaceleste27877 жыл бұрын
I love this two-part video, you'd think it's preaching to the choir since I'm butch too, but it's just really affirming and uplifting to hear other, especially older butch women say these things. (by older I just mean like, not a teen/20-something year old like me, I mean no offense!!) Thanks for sharing this :^)
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome! When I was really doing some soul searching I found there was so few voices out there sharing experiences like mine. I felt really alone so I wanted to bring a voice and a different experience to the conversation around gender and gender presentation. Affirming people's being, people like us, is a huge part of what I'm doing! Thank you so much for your comments. I'm very happy to hear my videos have helped
@Queenv3287 жыл бұрын
Hi I would like to private message you I have a question and need your advice.
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
You can find me on Instagram at Butch.as.woman. Pm me there :)
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
Did you end up pm'ing me? I'd love to hear from you!
@idaho17w7 жыл бұрын
thank you for this video! It's like you have to do 2 coming out, I thought it would be easier to be express my masculinity once I came out, actually no, I felt like I have to come out again on it too.....
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome! I'm very happy to hear my videos have helped!
@tumblrlikebutton12027 жыл бұрын
You're so hot
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
Shucks ☺️☺️☺️ Thank you!
@DvidTheGnome6 жыл бұрын
I wonder how many young women this person has dragged into hell with her.
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
That's a very unfortunate way to look at it but I'm guessing you're coming from a religious perspective here. I. Sure Jesus would agree your approach is going to find you with very warm toes when your time comes.
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
Perhaps I should be more explicit. Hates gonna find you in hell my friend!
@DvidTheGnome6 жыл бұрын
Look at the homosexual talking about God and hell like they have any understanding. God gave you up years ago to follow your lusts and you retain nothing of him in your mind. I only hope the parents around you are careful not to let you near their young daughters.
@stars111franz37 жыл бұрын
What makes you so attractive you are confident, smart and beautiful. I love the strength of Butch woman. <3 you Slay
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry it took so long to respond. I was having difficulties with my account. Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot to me. It's hard putting myself out there and it's part of the reason I haven't done a video in a while. But more is coming and it's beciase of awesome people like you reaching out!
@beatrizlima25777 жыл бұрын
I'm a Brazilian student of design and my project of graduacion is about the esthetic butch and their symbolic values. I really liked your video, helped me alot because it's difficult find people in Brazil who understend the meaning so well, even though it is a country with so much diversity. thanks, and sorry for my terrible english.
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
What an awesome project! I'd love to read that! Thank you for reaching out. I'm very happy to hear it's helped you. More videos are coming soon too! (And sorry it took so long to respond. I was having troubles with my account)
@forestfolkoffgrid7 жыл бұрын
You're beautiful exactly as you are. VIVA BUTCH WOMEN!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
👏
@ButchAsWoman6 жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@entish27 жыл бұрын
I have found your videos to be interesting, mostly because I have presented as a masculine woman for the vast majority of my life. I stumbled on your video on your trip to India. I currently live in India and have for going on 9 years. I presented as a masculine woman for around 6 of though years. I have also many times been warned that I am walking into the wrong bathroom, and usually people are very embarrassed when I have to tell them I am a woman. I usually do not correct auto drivers, guards, or cab drivers who mistake me as a man because in a way, I feel I am safer and treated better if they think I am a man - maybe I should correct them and be a bigger voice for trans-masculine women. But for now, I generally ignore it. I guess more than anything, I would like you to know you're not alone in your experiences. I used to think I was, but joined a group in my current city where I met other women who present as masculine and who have also gone through the types of things we face - the bathrooms, the confrontations and so on. Stay strong, thanks for being a voice for us, and if you'd like to be friends, please find me on Facebook if you're there.
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your message. I will respond better soon but just wanted to apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I've been having trouble with my account. More videos are coming soon too. I'm excited.
@MingusTale7 жыл бұрын
It's sad to me that the comments section is taken up by a slightly unpleasant conversation, since this was an amazing video and I'm really impressed with your channel. I'm always really glad to find the channels of masculine women who will talk about gender. I think in the video you said you don't like the word tomboy but that's the main word I use for myself since I am just 18 and I suppose I have a bit of a feeling of a boy who is not yet a man, or a tomboy who is not yet a butch haha. Besides I'm sort of softly masculine - very much into the masculine gender role and obviosuly not "enough" in the girly box but probably too effeminate to pass for a man if I wanted, which I'm not sure butch encompasses. Anyway, I often end up watching transguys' videos when looking for people with some similar thoughts about gender to me. But that makes me feel a little more insecure, because I wonder whether I am trans sometimes, even though I don't want surgery and crazy things, and I am fairly content, it just gives me that feeling in the back of my mind. I do wish my breasts werent so large that they completely distorted the shape of my men's shirts tho. Anyway, so I am really happy to find a channel like this, which makes me feel understood but calm in not needing to change myself. I have definitely had a weird time trying to assert my more masculine presentation after years as a early and mid teen madly trying to fit in a bit with other girls just so they'd stop treating me terribly. it's alarming to me how I was always a boyish kid but as soon as I assert my identity as a legal adult, when I should have control over myself, I suddenly get a lot of interrogation and hostility. Thanks for this channel, I will keep watching.
@ButchAsWoman7 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your comments. Your kind words definitely help keep me going! I am very happy to hear that you have enjoyed my videos (have you checked out my instagram account? butch.as.woman on instagram. I talk more about my adventures as a masculine woman). I did mention I don't like the word Tomboy but it is because it was used as ammunition against me. There was always a tone that told me there was something wrong with me for being a tomboy. I do know many masculine identified women and female bodied individuals that did not have negative experiences with the word growing up and feel a connection to using it. I have found that language can be used in so many ways and for each of us non-conforming people, those words can mean so many different things. I've always used the term baby-butch to describe myself when I think of my younger years and the period as I transitioned into my masculine self. I totally understand how you feel about your own adolescent growth into your masculinity. It took years before I really understood who I was and what masculinity and the word butch meant to me. I am still learning. lol I did (and do) the same thing watching transguy's videos. There is so much in the trans experience that I identify with and can relate to that I feel at home in a lot of ways sharing my experience through their words. But I always felt it fell short and my experience wasn't being talked about. It left me confused and like you, wondered what the surgical and medical components meant to me. They never felt right (and still don't) despite the dysphoria I experience with my more "feminine" features. I have a hard time navigating anything we grow up with as femininity and female, particularly when it comes to the features I was born with. But when I began to understand my views on gender and how they interplay with my life and my presentation, I began to find a calmness. I was very close once to pursuing testosterone to more masculinize myself but i am currently happy I didn't. I know now that that is now what I was missing. I too struggle with clothing as I often look like i am swimming in men's shirts. I don't wear a bra but that can be problematic in men's tank tops and t-shirts too. I think there is so much we attach to breasts and femininity that for those of us female bodied individuals who do not identify as feminine, it makes it very difficult to have a healthy relationship to our bodies. I think you are doing the right thing seeking out information and others to gain more insight. If you are some where that has clinics for gender non-conforming and trans individuals there may be counselling options and information. I was in counselling for a year to help me discover what gender meant. I felt I couldn't make any decisions on my own gender if I didn't understand how gender shaped my upbringing and my current view of myself. Sorry to hear you are struggling with acceptance (I hope thats the right word) too. I found the more confident and empowered I became in my masculinity the more pushback I received. I'd imagine it is the same for you. I think you are amazingly strong for being able to pursue your authentic self. Thank you again for you message. It keeps me doing what I am doing. Message me anytime here or Instagram if you ever have any questions. I wish I had someone to talk to when I was younger. Someone who understood what I was going through. Take care and continue holding your head up proud! You too are a trailblazer for those younger than you!!!