Really crazy my heritage language is Spanish and my parents are Colombian lollll, I think if my eventual wife speaks a language other than English our kids will have to grow up speaking 3 languages

Do you think it is possible for viewers like your own children to pass on the heritage language to their own children? Ie 2nd generation heritage speakers, who didn’t grow up in their heritage environment. I think a lot of of such people wish they could, but it is just infinitely even harder

What's your family's heritage language? Share in the comments below!!😁

Great video! I’ve never heard of the different categories of bilingualism. Thanks for sharing!

Which do you struggle with more? Language ACQUISITION or LEARNING? Share in the comments below!

Three most powerful languages.

Thanks for your sharing. My baby is 6 months old. I speak Vietnamese, my husband Rumanian, we are living in Germany and speak German with eachother. I would love to teach my baby Vietnamese, German and English. Should i do that? Sometimes my husband speaks to her in rumanian as well. Would it be overwhelming for her and she could not start to speak properly a language?

Thanks for your sharing. My baby is 6 months old. I speak Vietnamese, my husband Rumanian, we are living in Germany and speak German with eachother. I would love to teach my baby Vietnamese, German and English. Should i do that? Sometimes my husband speaks to her in rumanian as well. Would it be overwhelming for her and she could not start to speak properly a language?

Your kids won't learn Chinese if you dont live in China. Especially not with a white husband. Give up. Im chinese american and painstakingly learnt chinese myself but thats after 2 years of living in China and being ridiculed by local Chinese people

Great video! Our baby girl is 7 weeks now and I've been struggling making time for everything. I will definitely use your tips, especially when I get back to work 😊

There are many reasons why children reply in the other language and there are other ways that are causing less resistance to the tip you give at the end of the video. There are other strategies that have been proven to be more successful and less stressful for the children & parents 😊

Hi, I'm very happy I found your channel! I really like your videos and the honesty with which you describe the journey of multilingualism.

Are you a LARK or a NIGHT OWL? Do you think you can CHANGE?

Cantonese is a language, not a dialect. Shame on you.... Кантонский это язык, не диалект. Как вам не стыдно...

Dear Ka Yee, I'm so glad that you've also found out that short reading sessions of 10-15 minutes followed by discussion or retelling and drawing the short story make wonders in language acquisition. I've been teaching my daughter in such a manner 20 years ago. She is C2 level English speaker with perfect pronunciation and impeccable spelling. You are on the right track! It's so great that you've clearly explained to the viewers the problem with over-stimulation of kid's dopamine system. I fully agree with you that attention span and ability to stay focused is deteriorating when kids spend much time watchingwith video

Thank you for sharing. I don't have kids myself but i think it can be applied to myself too

Thanks ❤

Hi Ka Yee, thank you for this video! I think you would really like the book "Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability" by Adam Beck. In his book, he describes in detail how he created a homework routine for his children in the minority language. There are several ideas in there I think you might like, since they resonate with what you described in this video.

Which of the expansion activities I've shared in this video are you most excited to try with your child? Share in the comments below!

It is so true. Parents who think 'my child, my child, my child' need to take a look in the mirror and own up. It's not the child, it's you. You put it so well. But this shouldn't just be something to be ashamed about, but actually it should be taken as a good thing. Because while it means the child's failures are your fault, it also means you can change things and turn things around. It's all in your hands, for better or for worse!

What I like about you and your channel is that it is really obvious that you have grown and learned a lot. Before you started creating videos, but also since you first started creating videos. It's obvious that you are really developing as a parent of multilingual children, and that is both helpful and inspiring to us viewers.

Thank you so much for this video. I think you really got this right.

I used to work with a woman from Shanghai who had lived in Denmark before I worked with her. Her daughter was trilingual in Danish, English, and Shanghainese. She told me she had never thought for a minute about trying to use Mandarin with her daughter, and it had never been necessary. She and her daughter returned to Shanghai almost every year, and her daughter felt completely at home there and with her extended family speaking Shanghainese. Obviously her situation was different from Ka Yee's. I share this just for anyone who might be interested.

I studied both Mandarin and Russian for many years (although I have forgotten most of both of them now). I reached a much higher level in Mandarin, but still I think that the Mandarin "x" sound is harder to get exactly right than any of the sounds of Russian. On the other hand, like you said, Russian grammar is simply much more difficult. Not only the verbs of motion, which you mentioned, but also the 'perfective' versus 'imperfective' verb system. And don't forget Russian numbers and how they take different cases! Mandarin grammar is effortlessly simple and intuitive in comparison.

You didn't mention one of the most important features of Russian pronunciation, which is the hard and soft consonants. Every consonant (for example 'l' or 'n') has two different versions - hard and soft. Just like you said your husband can't hear the difference between the tones of Mandarin, it's possible that you can't hear the difference between hard and soft consonants in Russian.

Thank you for this video. It is so important to be prepared for this before it happens, because unless you are expecting it and mentally ready, it can be so devastating to your confidence. The UK, the US, Australia, these countries are not multilingual-friendly, so inevitably something will happen to you and you need to be prepared!

I think your argument to use Mandarin versus Cantonese because of the comparative value of Mandarin is not persuasive (for me). However, the difficulty of teaching a child to read and write in Cantonese is a valid, and more persuasive argument. I think the only effective way to teach literacy in Cantonese would probably be for you to use the latin alphabet, or something like bopomofo and to basically create all of your materials yourself. This challenge, of a language that is not typically written, at least not in a way that matches how it is spoken, is one that is actually more common than people might think, and is a real struggle for parents abroad trying to pass their languages. And given how challenging reading and writing can be with Chinese in general, this just makes it worse!!!

Thank you for making this video. This question was the first thing I asked when I first saw one of your videos. I appreciate your explaning your decision. Of course, this decision is yours to make, not mine. It is clear that we have different values. I would not have made the choice you did. However, there is a side of this question that is important for me. First of all, I know I have already commented and others have commented about how Cantonese is not a dialect, and that using the term dialect can be dismissive. I also want to reiterate that since this is your language, you are free to call it whatever you want, and so I respect your choice to use the term dialect, which may not hold the same stigma for you as for others. Now, with that said, in my situation, there is actually a question of dialect. My language, like many, has regional dialects. These are different versions that are all the same language (we can completely understand each other, unlike Cantonese vs. Shanghainese, for example). It also has a standard version. As a parent, I wonder if I should choose to use standard forms (for example the conjugation of the irregular verb 'to say') or if I should use the dialect form. When my child visits the region of my dialect, people would say it one way, but books and educational materials and other standard things would have it a different way. Their accent, or the sound of their speech, would be the same (regional) regardless, so they would still have an obvious connection to the region. Do you have any thoughts, Ka Yee? I assume that you would choose to use the standard forms, since that is more pragmatic. For me, I'm not sure. I don't know how much certain grammatical forms that are not hugely different matter in terms of identity. I often am not sure which ones I want to use when I speak, even, since being educated is not something I am ashamed of, but I also like for people to hear me and know I 'belong'. It's a difficult, although not that important, question. After all, it's simple for someone to learn a different verb form any time in life, as opposed to a completely new language.

I loved this video! These are all 'so real', by which I mean definitely things that parents in this situation hear. I commented on the other video that a friend of mine was asked this week "Is that your secret language you use to talk about people?" That is one I had never heard before...

I also really enjoyed Annika's book!

There is a big difference between a situation like these women's in Italy, where the children will all easily learn Italian, and the situation of, for example, immigrants in the UK who try to speak English with their children even though it's not their first language. The women in Italy will, if they ever don't have the right words in English, be able to express themselves fully to their children in Italian, because their children will speak both languages. But the parents in the UK, when they don't have the right words in English, are not able to express themselves to their children, because, they don't speak Greek (for example). This second situation, where the parents cannot ever truly express themselves to their children because their children don't speak the parents' native language, is the situation that experts warn against, as opposed to the first, although some do not bother to make a distinction.

You probably already know this, and I don't mean to talk about politics, but Cantonese, Shanghainese, and Mandarin are completely different languages. They are only called 'dialects' within China because of the government policy to diminish non-Mandarin languages, by using this pejorative term 'dialect' for them, suggesting they are somehow just 'colloquial variants' instead of full-fledged, unique languages with their own histories, literatures, and cultural nuances. I don't mean to try to tell you about your own languages and culture, but I really hate when people diminish the value of minority languages, whether by pretending they're not actually languages or other means.

Children are very perceptive. If they see that you are embarrassed or hesitant to speak your language in public, they will think it is something rude or embarrassing to do. If they see that you always switch to English in front of other people, they will think that speaking your language is something to hide. Being confident about your language is so important, because your children will feel it. If you need to speak English in a situation, it's important to consider how your children will perceive it. Depending on the situation, you could even explain to your child "I am going to try to use some English to speak to Suzie's mom, even though that is not normal for me, because Suzie's mom doesn't understand Mandarin" or something similar.

People can certainly be rude. A friend of mine had an experience just this week, where a woman came up to her and said, "Is that your secret language so you can say whatever you want about people?" I mean imagine saying that to someone...

In a way, I can sympathise with the Russian woman you met at the playground. As I have read many books, blogs, etc., about this topic, I've started to have a sense of what will work and what won't work. When I meet people and I get the sense that it won't work, I have in the past, sometimes said something hurtful like her. It's something I feel bad about doing, and have consciously tried to avoid going forward, but the reality is that the large majority of people in the US and UK trying to raise their children bilingually fail, and so it's hard not to be cynical, especially towards people who are still early in the journey.

Your morning sounds so productive!

Thank you for sharing these personal stories about your friends. It's really easy as a listener to imagine being in that situation, or to think of similar experiences I might have had.

I didn’t raise my children bilingual because I was already very fluent in my new country’s language and my husband couldn’t understand a word of my language. I didn’t have anyone else to speak in my native language to and didn’t feel it was an advantage for my children to be able to speak my quite rare native language. When I was at home my husband was at home- speaking a language he didn’t want to learn wasn’t really an option.

I have started watching your videos from the beginning, so pardon me if you answer this later, but I'm a bit surprised and confused why your name sounds so clearly not to be Mandarin, but you are speaking Mandarin with your child instead of what I would guess is your actual native language. It seems very utilitarian, like "I am doing this for business success not for a connection to my family and culture". I hope to learn more about why you made this choice, or if your family history is more complicated than just your name suggests.

You mentioned that training your child to speak to you in your language by making them repeat sounded harsh, but was no different from potty training or sleep training. I think I would just say you might put more focus on what you mentioned at the end of the video. That it was just for a short while, similar to potty + sleep training, and after that it just became a normal part of life. It's not like everyday you 'force' your child to struggle to communicate with you. It was just a step you took to what became a completely normal communicative relationship.

As someone who has read many books, listened to many podcasts, watched many youtube videos, etc., about this topic, I can't say I learned anything completely new from this video. But I loved the way you drew on your experience with other families to give examples. I am excited to watch other videos now on your channel!!!

hypothetically if i speak both english and french' and want my children to speak both what language should their television be in?

What language do your children use when speaking to each other?

Are there any other mistakes you'd like to add? Share in the comments!

At 6:58 in your video. Most people in Moldova speak Romanian as their native language.

They are so ahead!! I have to learn both on my own. Lucky kids. Russian grammar isn't hard, but annoying, and Chinese grammar is easier, but tones are harder. Much respect to you and your family!!

After first watching this video, I nearly burst into tears, especially after that "idealist" v. "pragmatic" argument that was offered. The only thing that I could ask was, "pragmatic" for whom? The parent, or the child? I had to take a break for several days before commenting because the argument was so disturbing to me. A parent's first and foremost responsibility to their kids, in addition to teaching them how to get along and function in life, is to transmit their family history, heritage and culture (which includes language) to their child. Only parents (or other close family members, such as grandparents, or maybe aunts and uncles) can really effectively do this. No one else can. By bypassing this step, the parent is doing a great disservice to the child, no matter how "pragmatic" their intentions may seem to them. A child will grow up with the feeling that they have lost their heritage. This is no small matter and can affect them psychologically for the rest of their lives. Heritage language and culture should be the utmost importance for a parent to transmit to their child, especially at the younger ages, (ie, 0-6), but actually continuing throughout the childhood. The child can learn any lingua franca after they have a thorough grounding in their heritage language and culture. There is absolutely no problem in having the kids learn Mandarin, or any other "lingua franca", but only after they get a solid grounding in their heritage language and culture first. To illustrate this idea, let me offer an analogous example. Suppose there are two Swedish siblings growing up in Sweden, where they grow up speaking and educated in Swedish, but later learn and master the lingua franca language, English. One of the siblings goes to Germany to study, and ends up marrying a German of Turkish descent. They communicate mostly in German to each other. The German of Turkish descent can speak Turkish, that he/she learned growing up with their Turkish family in Germany, but also learned some English in school, but not as well as the Swedish born spouse. Then they have kids. Suppose that they want to emphasize that the kids learn a "lingua franca" that will be more useful to them later as a working adult, so they decide to train them in English from an early age, but they only pick up a little bit of Turkish from their Turkish relatives in Germany, and they don't learn Swedish language at all. The rationale is, English is the most useful lingua franca from a "future" business and economic perspective, and besides, they will be able to use English with their cousins in Sweden who will gain an excellent command of it in school. They are growing up European, and mastering English is something most Europeans do. Then the child grows up. They will find that they feel very weak connection to their Turkish cultural heritage roots and no connection at all to their Swedish side. They learned German throughout school, but as neither parent is ethnically German, they are constantly reminded in German society that they are not really authentically ethnic German either despite their native command of German language. And despite their good to excellent command of English, they will never feel close connection to any Anglo society where English is the dominant native language as they are still a "foreigner". And although they can converse with their Swedish cousins in English, they are still quite lost to share any Swedish culture, history or language with them. This situation creates some psychological despair throughout their lives. Was that the "pragmatic" intention? The parent in this video should theoretically try her best to give the child(ren) a thorough grounding in their Shanghai cultural heritage. However, since the parent's comfort in Shanghai language and culture is tenuous at best, the next best option is Hong Kong Cantonese language and culture (still would try to include as much Shanghai language and culture as possible). It is perfectly fine to introduce and even master Mandarin later, but only after they receive a thorough grounding in their family's culture and heritage language(s). I can understand why someone who grew up in Hong Kong might hold almost a disdainful attitude towards heritage culture and language. Most Hongkongers whose parents' families did not originally speak "standard" Cantonese (ie, the Yuehai dialect from the Guangzhou, Hong Kong, Macau region, also known as 廣府話), quite willingly drop their heritage languages in favor of Cantonese. They usually will learn English and Mandarin later for "pragmatic" reasons, but will still view Cantonese as the language on which their identity is based. The heritage language is something their grandparents use, not them. There is a very high pressure to identify with Hong Kong growing up, and that means adopting Cantonese as their main language. There is no stigma in doing this, and little identity crisis, as over half the society did this very thing. This does not translate overseas. In a society where the primary language(s) are not Cantonese or another Chinese dialect, the kids cannot simply adopt Mandarin and use that to replace their "heritage", as it is neither the heritage of the parents nor of the society they live in. I have met many families where one or both parents speak Cantonese, but when raising their kids overseas, they decided to expose their kids to Mandarin but not Cantonese. Then the kid grows up and can understand "some" Mandarin (but maybe not at a highly proficient level), but almost no Cantonese. The child (now adult) is taught that they are of Cantonese origin, but cannot access their heritage culture. There is a lifelong identity crisis there. Many parents regret their decision only after the kids are grown. I am from an ethnically blended family in the US. My father's family spoke the provincial Sze-Yap Cantonese sub-language dialect of Toishanese (台山話）. My mother is of German / French /Scotch-Irish descent from the deep south, but learned very little German from her grandfather. I got regular exposure to Toishanese from my paternal grandparents (age 0-4), but it dropped off after that and I almost never heard it later in childhood. At age 6, I attended Sunday Cantonese school for a short period, but did not continue that. In senior high school (upper secondary), I started to learn Mandarin at Taiwanese church, and continued to study Mandarin at university. I also met both Cantonese and Toishanese speaking schoolmates at university and tried to pick up from then. Meanwhile, 2nd semester of Year 2 at university, the Chinese language department asked me to serve as a teaching assistant, which helped me solidify my understanding. I worked in a Cantonese speaking restaurant after university for a while, but worked in a HR consulting firm in DC and NY. I studied a lot on my own too, blessed with a plethora of Cantopop to draw upon. Later I moved to Hong Kong, where I lived and worked for over 26 years, and Cantonese ended up becoming the language I used over 50% of the time. I also used Mandarin often, as I had to go to China and Taiwan often for work, and Mandarin also became more useful in Hong Kong as well. Of course, I used English daily too. Nevertheless, my Toishanese is still locked at a 5 year old level, and I struggle to improve it. I identify with it as my heritage language, but I still cannot function easily in it, and this has given me some despair all my life. I asked my father when he was still alive why he didn't use it more with me when I was growing up, but he simply felt that it was not important. Yet, learning that almost 10% of Hong Kong people hail from the Sze Yap region of Guangdong province, the vast majority of them know their heritage language even less than I do - they find it funny that I know more than they do. Cantonese became my "social" language, but Mandarin, at best, functions as a language for work and travel, but not identity. I identify with Toishanese as my heritage language, but do not know it well enough to communicate effectively in it or use it access my own family's heritage. The kids in this video -- -- what will become of their identity? Will the "pragmatic" goals of the parents simply backfire when they find out that they kids cannot identify with their heritage, and none of the lingua franca languages chosen by the parents is one they can personally identify with either? Again, I ask, "pragmatic" for whom?

i loved this video so much! i literally could not stop laughing when you said 11jinping and also tried to pronounce those russian words 🤣 great job

I tried to learn Chinese... and I failed every time. But I still want to learn it and one day I will 😊

Tell me which language YOU find the hardest!!!