LOL, you're "careless" about trees? That was an ironic typo.

I waited 2 years for NHS treatment now on Concerta

I can understand why you'd choose that... The thing is with time it makes your brain less and less and less sensitive to not only the substance itself but also to its own dopamine (The dopamine your brain makes for itself using the food you eat). So it's tempting because at the start it really does help, but before long it is actually making things worse and worse. I hope you find something safer that can be a long term solution for you. All the best

What happens when you're out. You're still a father and still work. You hate who you are without it. But did you die? When you don't have it, your thoughts do nothing but think about the negativity of not having it, just a constant bombardment of thoughts that reinforce the belief that its soooo bad without it.... like force torture training your brain to be completely and totally convinced beyond all shadow of doubt, that you can Not make it without it. All that attention to it and forced self brainwashing, It has no choice but to becomes truth because of what you're thinking, feeling, saying doing. Without it you become aware of your physical state more and have more personal thought- which is usually the same ole things you've never worked through that cause underlying feelings of guilt dread, worry, stress, fears... which manifest in the body as pain, depression, lack of motivation etc. With it, you're living through your head more - ten steps ahead, detail hyperfocused, top memory recall, see something needs done just jump in and do it, high emotional IQ, act helpful and caring because you have the energy too... no personal realm thoughts, just a lot of surface level fluff. That "looks" real. The truth is you are running. From yourself! Addiction is real, I'm not saying it isn't, but there is a much stronger addiction that isn't to drugs, but involves drugs. Addicted to avoiding our true self in anyway by any means possible. Instead of all self brainwashing, cheer self on about how badass you can be even when u don't have it. Choose those kind of thoughts about it or different thoughts entirely. Force it. You're the boss of you, nothing else. A few times of choosing your own thoughts for a change and overriding that "avoid dealing with self" mental state, and you'll be turning it down just to prove you can, to yourself! And you'll like you better. And KNOW you're badass, instead of pretending.

i agree--that's one possibility including past trauma, genetic predisposition (co-occurring challenges), etc. Thank you for your comment.