Psychotic episode?

"the ego likes to pick and choose what parts of us we want to show, soul sees everything" wow, i am so glad I found your channel :)

Like your haircut and your microphone is good:)

This is inspiring me to connect to nature and creativity. 🙏

Is that a maschine on the bed? You make music

👁️

Bad microphone

I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in? Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. And so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father. I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families. But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me. They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…

You are so excepted loved adored and so smart like wen I was watching your video I felt like a kid cuzz u talk using such big words and wen u get very genuine that was a word stold from u but shareable and wen u get real I started crying my eyes out so I wish u everything u want in life u are so fun and funny your 2 cute stop it for real any 1 in the world wood be like omg this is the most amazing person in the world

I've had such a life woop e who cares about that I just want friend and be nice 2 me pls and there's so many games on the enternet so pls don't break me down u remind me of ya MA mom a so much pluss my old best friend I'm so changed u wood love 2 see me and see how fun wood it woodbe you can make me in to a Carrick ter bummeble be God Marrio is is strong I'm like God dam I want 2 kick Mario's ass why am I like that

I have Ben watching this and finely found on my cell you are so fucking adorable like I love you so much as like a best friend your probly like who the he'll is this but pls send me your number number I wish we can be friends I want to be so helpful 2 you I wish you any hot dude or baby you want I want u 2 be happy like I really just saw for you and really found if really care about some 1 u have 2 wish them happiness weath success happy Ness even if u are mean as fuck 2 me and mind fuck me that's fine I want 2 show I can be a friend a real 1 not just 2 get my wants or what ever I wish I was Mario

Can I call you pls

Beautiful message❤

It does look cute on you :) your prettyy

there's something so satisfying in seeing my favorite parts of being human so celebrated. ur points on radical love, honesty, openness, and freedom from judgment directed at the self and others. you embody this patience love and respect for the reality that we're all just having a human experience. i see a lot of what i value in my own communication reflected and mirrored in how you speak, part of that is probs bc we're just internet bred gen z "people" but ur just super cool 🧎🏾 pls keep sharing ur thoughts! 🫶🏽

You look pretty but you looked hotter with long hair

I'm tired of sacrificing my wholeness to be digestible is a really good sentence to keep in mind, thank you for that.

Hi! 😊

30:12 oracle/card reading

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In my experience, half of my brain actually just wants to let pointless things go, and the other half of my brain really, REALLY wants to keep these things with me forever. I basically have to decide between one of two polar opposite options and my brain wants both simultaneously and desperately, and how can I say no to my own thoughts? There's a reason I think them, I want them, I like them.

abandoned.. estranged... alone

Girl you're too cute omg aww

If black sheep had the internet, they'd be able to find their own herd. Unless they were too scared when opportunity arose... lol

The message of radical acceptance you are putting out into the world is so amazing and you seem like you have such a beautiful soul. I admire your ability to be so vulnerable in front of a camera and to show that vulnerability and open and honest care to complete strangers. We really are just lil bees w lil stingers looking for a lil hive, a place to belong. Thank you for creating that space in this little corner of the internet! Keep doing you boo :3

EVERYBODY WAKE UP NAT DROPPED !! :3

sorry y'all here's my linktree LOL: linktr.ee/nathalieswenson, check out that link for all me socials <3

I love your sweater and beanie so much!!

I just saw the first part and I find this, the Pt. 2, absolutely what I wanted for today, the 13th of October 2024. Firstly, I absolutely loved these videos, as I said previously I'd love to make one myself, but yeah, I greatly appreciate this! And secondly, as this is about healing and it also is the perfect day for it, I recommend the artist Ren, he has so much music that is both amazing to listen to and unbelievably helpful for some times, and with that, bye.

thank you. And what happened that you realized its time to let go? Im so curious, I never ever recognized the time to walk away correctly and it causes so much trouble );

Literally please start a podcast <3 randomly came across this video and don't know the real reason i was compelled to click. I listened to the whole thing while I cleaned my closet. thanks for sharing your story-- i lowkey needed to hear a lot of these things today

WAKE UP NAT DROPPED

Too bad free will does not exist

bro idk tf dis is or wat u yapping abt but im geeked asf rn and the voice is soothing

YOU LIKE SONIC TOO?! We actually need to be best friends! Big the Cat Sally Acorn is bad af 🤣

Wow I mean this so earnestly she is very cool

I like the hat too. I think you look like Florence Pugh.

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mnKoaKiFhMRnrJYsi=5gE3YpEWncI5mChR kzbin.info/www/bejne/i4eupJdur5ummdksi=spxZBbslTNLrRtg4

KZbin recommended this video to me, 51 minutes long with 325 views. Who knows why, but I watched the whole thing and found you very compelling, interesting, and beautiful. Your stream of consciousness style is very relatable, self-reflective, and a lil angsty, and the pets butting in feels right on queue.

your room is so aesthetic omg

I felt this vid in my soul!! Pure brain to world n I loved it 🫶

My thoughts at 3am when I’m supposed to be up in 2 hrs

gurl ya pretty af

dont give a shit thats all😎

idk how entertaining I am, but I'll try my best, you have my number.

thanks for this vid! you have such a calm aura i love it. also I can really relate to the importance of listening to yourself and what u rly need, rather than doing what u "should" do. hope u have a great day 💕

Thank you for saying that 💛

26:25 to 27:40 ❤

24:44 to 25:26 ❤