Awww! I relate to a lot of that. I also had AvPD but some of it I would actually attribute to my autism instead.

Thank you for sharing your story. It let me feel assured a lot. I think it should be harder to have in the U.S than in my country, Japan, since we often get embarrassed or judged at throughout the compulsory education, 9 years. 8 or 9 put of 10 people you would come across in Japan will have AvPD , I guess. It is really tough for me as well to have connections with people because they mostly want me to be sociable. Having someone similar like you sharing a similar story to mine does help. Thank you again and I hope you will have a wonderful life. 📨🇯🇵

I relate to feeling like the odd one out. It can feel isolating. I also relate to the fluctuation from anxiety to depression. I can never feel neither. I think it is partly to do with the fact that they don't stem from a chemical imbalance (tried many medications with little benefit). I believe it stems from a psychological condition\disorder. So it can only (hopefully) be treated through therapy. I'm doing CBT, but it's a long process.

I completely relate to everything you're going through. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

Warning: long I'm the same way with rejection no matter how they say it, I'll always wait until I'm alone so I can cry about it. the rejection thing has always happened my whole life since elementary school. I live in a town where there's very few neighbor with kids, and I have hung out with them many times until they've said "sorry, we're bus". like, they didn't say that they didn't wanna hang out with me out loud directly at me, but rather silent. Then I go to a school that's like 45 minutes to an hour away from my home, and I literally live so far away from approximately 95% of the entire school, and that's sad. Sometimes I'm really close with my friends, but no one really gets me the way I want them to, as far as interests and a lot of other things. I used to have this online friend who was my best friend (now ex best friend) who had a lot in common with me. After that friendship has ended, there this kid in my class who also shared common interests with me, but ever since him and I got separated into different classes, I had no one else. And that's when I realized I have trust issues. So I really can relate to a lot of this despite not being diagnosed with APD/AvPD which makes me think I have it. So, thank you so much for posting this video! btw I just now subbed. Byeeeee 👋👋👋👋

I am a 34 year old with avoidant personality disorder, officially diagnosed a few years ago. Thank you for speaking on your experience! Of all the mental health issues I have, I think AvPD has held me back the most. It can improve over time, but it takes a herculean amount of emotional effort. Personality disorders are so tricky to treat because we have to do things that go against every deeply ingrained instinct we have in order to see any improvement. It's like being asked to hold your hand on a hot stove.

Just found your channel and watched your vids and want to thank you for those. Hope to see more and wish you all the best!

hey its so good to see you back here! could u pls make a video on the skills that you've learned? i guess it'd be helpful. and I also would love to hear update on your avpd, maybe some tips on managing it (avpd is what I mostly struggle with). stay safe🩶

Good to see you have a job that gives you peace of mind. Being overwhelmed with negative energy in your head can really trap you into not doing anything making you even more mentally ill where you feel you can't escape. What's good is that you have a partner and friends to save you from feeling doomed into isolation. Oh! A pretty funny scary vampire movie is Fright Night (1985). Hope you like it. ✌🏽 and ❤ ...always.

Live your best life 2024. 🤗🤗🤗

I want to send this to my ex who had Anxiety/AvPD/OCPD, who didn’t just behave the same way, but ironically looks and sounds almost exactly like you and even had a very similar looking living space. Love her but it really hurt being on the receiving end of AvPD behaviours

I have schizotypal

I have AvPD and not the patterns it also conflicts with my HPD as HPD you need to be the center of attion but with AvPD you don't want to it's just a weird one and I also have SzPD and that's just me wanting to be by myself a lot of the time. There is also AsPD which that makes me a sociopath there is other thins but don't want to get into it. PPD which means I have a suspicion of others at all time and they may do something behind my back but with my HPD I trust people just a little bit more and then over share my life. Then my DPD where I need a persons opinion for almost anything I do and when I don't want to do something with a friend or family member I find a hard time saying no and it suck but oh well. My none PD are autism, anxiety, and PTSD.

The worst part is, not feeling close to the people that feel close to you, but not being able to tell them.

I have this disorder and I have not had a date in 30 years, cannot hold down a job, one friend, have to drink to go to any social events, never feel comfortable in any work or social situation no matter how many times I am exposed to them. I am horribly lonely and want to connect because I know I am inferior, awkward and deficient as a person. I have zero self esteem. I could never do a you tube video and will not turn on the camera or the microphone on Zoom.

Yes please make a video on that

I LOVE YOU AND FEEL U STAY STRONG!!! YOU WILL BE FINE AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY! LITTLE BY LITTLE U WILL BE ABLE TO CLEAR YOUR MIND FROM ALL OF THOSE ❤️

Halfway through and this sounds like me

You're doing great! Thank you for sharing your story with us :)

Thanks so much for this video - it really helps to know that there is someone out there who understands.

I don't understand myself lol bc I've had moments in my life where I'm extremely confident & outgoing & bubbly where I can be the class clown & then I just totally changed into a hermit where even speaking to close ones makes me easily embarrassed over nothing! I was neglected as a kid and I also have been abused by ppl psychologically emotionally spiritually & physically. I love this quote that says "don't let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you" and that was sadly what I did, I allowed others to project their inner battles in me & it changed my entire being. I'm an empath so I absorbed way too many insults in my life but now I'm learning to observe not absorb so now I block other people's energies towards me & I just try to work on myself! It's very hard breaking outa ur shell but I'm doing it unapologetically, I love expressing myself through music, art, makeup, fashion, writing & I'll no longer care what anyone thinks

It sounds like social anxiety's evil step sister

i also feel that connecting with people is really hard, especially to my crush that i felt that i could listen to her talk about her life and ask her questions but when it comes to myself i stay away anything related to my character because i fear the rejection from her ;-; Maybe it is intensified because i have feelings for her but i also feel it to my old friends, as i know them but i fear the emotional imtimacy that connects between us. I relate to this and thanks for speaking about this topic :3

Living with this disorder is so hard... I wonder if there is correlation between this and having a family on the autism/neurodiverse spectrum

I am just gonna say this. When I was 25, I got into a car wreck. Long story short, became addicted to pain pills (Norco). I slowly went from 1 pill a day to 4 (prescribed) but I was taking a total of around 8 or 9 a day. I was DJing. Drinking. Cocaine. Ecstasy. And even dabbled in Meth (luckily only a few times and didn’t do needles). When I finally stopped taking pain pills, I realized I had an addictive personality. Anytime I find something I like or that makes me feel good, that’s all I want. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a spring of Bipolar. They looked at autism and even though I had some symptoms, not enough for a full blow diagnosis. I watched a video by Dr. Tracy Marks (I think that’s her name) and she did a video on AVPD and when I say I literally checked every box, I was shocked. Some of my main symptoms I have include I would rather be content than excited. Sitting at home and being comfortable in my own condo watching tv, eating snacks and playing my video games is something I would rather do than go away for a weekend and turn the excitement up to 100. I always read people the wrong way. I read what they say, but I also read there tone and body language. If they don’t seem to be in a good mood or just have a “positive vibe” in there tone or body language, I worry. I will ask them the same question over and over, sometimes will ask if they are upset or disappointed in me. Yes, these are my supervisors. I am obsessed with work. Money is great, but keeping my mind occupied and having a direction, purpose and a end goal just makes me seem productive. I work at a warehouse so I do the same things over and over and I like it. I get better at it and I am familiar with it. Sometimes there are surprises or a switch up to the schedule (but very rare). My environment at work is very similar to how I want to be outside of work. I use to be an extrovert. Always wanted to talk to people, meet new people, go out of town and not have plans and just go somewhere and whatever happens, happens. Mind you, I was smoking tobacco, drinking and partying, so I am sure that had something to do with it. But I loved being around people, engaging with others and just being “the guy”. Not necessarily center of attention, just wanted to meet as many people as I could (maybe it was FOMO). Now, like work, I like to be around people and have other people around, but I stay to my self. If I talk to people at work, it’s work related and if I talk to people outside of work, it’s usually for a purpose. I was dating a woman who was 5 years older than me and we met when I was partying. I was a different personality. She didn’t party much, but she loved to drink. She didn’t like me going out as much as I did and we argued, but she liked the outgoing me. We did stuff and went on trips. When I stopped doing those things, I stopped hanging out with her. I did love her and many times, would send her and her son money to do things because I just wanted to be in the comfort of my own home. My change in personality was the reason the relationship deteriorated and just fell apart. She was kind of toxic in the things she said or did, but my emotional and mental challenges are definitely the reason everything started to go down hill. I never comment or reply to anything on KZbin (except for a few stuff here or there), but nothing on videos like this. This hits home and I just met someone who actually understands me and I am hoping it works out. I feel relieved there are people like me out there. I do stream but I tell everyone in my community to not Sub or donate. I do think gs for them all the time and love giving to the people in my community just for being there. They have seen me self destruct on stream, they have seen me put myself down and just the worst I could possibly get in front of audience, they have seen it. They know about thoughts wanting to end my life and that I hate my self (not necessarily I want to end my life but I just don’t want to feel that negative feeling I do at that given moment). They have stuck with me. I get maybe 30 views a stream and I am happy for everyone in my community. I work 60 hours/week at a warehouse so time and energy is rare, but i love where I am at in life. I would life to connect with some of you and introduce you to some people who struggle just like us. I promise I was not self promoting and I would never lie or deceit you guys. I just wanted to share what I have been dealing with and a little bit about my life. I would love to hear about everyone’s experiences. We can talk on any platforms you guys want. I look forward to connecting with you guys. Sorry for the poor grammar and punctuation. It’s 11 pm and I have to wake up at 4 am for work. Love ya guys If you want to connect, just google search my KZbin name and I’ll pop up. Later

Do you live at home or do you have your own place and how old are you ?

My doctors and therapists all failed me for over 20 years and I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 39. BPD, DPD, AvPD, and a half dozen other things... Better late than never I suppose! It's nice to see someone who struggles the way we do who has or is at least getting their shit together!

Thanks for putting this out here for people to see and learn

i just got diagnosed as well. i wish there was some online community about this where we all could talk openly, and heal through reflections.

Thanks for sharing... I think AvPD for me is the fear of criticism, also not understanding what is happening.... I used to experience a disconnect (I think they call it disassociation) whenever someone "made fun of me" or laughed at me... It was even to the extent that someone laughing would cause this disconnect. In a social environment this is very difficult to process, imagine a couple of seconds of "no memory"... but in fact it would be stored in subconcious memory, to be over analyzed later... but because that memory is so out of context, it is almost impossible to make sense of it I still have a huge "memory bank" of social interactions that I do not understand I was diagnosed 6 years ago, and I think the important thing is to be able to understand what is happening... then you can develop the tools to somewhat mitigate it... for example, I no longer put myself in situations that could lead to these disconnects... But I am no longer actively avoiding social situations My whole life I knew I was different, but not knowing why is what holds you back from becoming a more functional person in all aspects of your life My personal take on AvPD is... a child develops.. may be shy (which I was), but usually the child will grow out of it... if not, the child may withdraw completely and put up a giant wall... for years I used to imagine I lived in a glass tower... I could see out, and no one could see in If you are a parent, take note.. it is very important to have a stable and loving environment for your child... Otherwise, it can cause lifelong problems for your children and obviously others they interact with AvPD goes hand in hand with depression and substance abuse, so if you are experiencing similar things, I would suggest talking to a professional.... If you don't find the right one, keep trying

“Reindeers are better than people” - Kristoff, AvPD

Never had a relationship but I did try dating a few times. It got too overwhelming for me and I also had ‘friends’ at one point but I felt like I was being fake around them so I cut them off gently (over a few months). Now all I have is my family who have no choice but to be around me and my pets. I really relate to your comment about animals. I have a cat who I see as my best friend. I also enjoy talking to kids but up to a certain age kids become just as bad if not worse than some adults and being rejected by a kid is so scary. my brother has a baby and his pure and uncritical view of me brightens up my day. I just feel like when he’s older I won’t see the same look of unfiltered adoration from him. I hope he has a better life than me. I give my brother and his girlfriends tips on how to support his emotional and mental wellbeing so that he can have a good start at life. I hope to be someone he can be proud of, but I’ll probably just fade into obscurity as I tend to push others away.

Animals are so much better than people. Animals don't hate.

Thank you for making this video. It was very brave of you. I’m trying to date an avoidant person and you talking about this describes him very well. He (as are you) is an incredible person but hard to stay close to. I love him very much

am happy you are still around, want to hear from you more

Thanks for the video. 99.9% sure I have APD. "I only feel alone when I'm around other people"

I have this, too. Thank you for your openness. X

Not trying to be mean but it seems odd that you would be on KZbin then.

I’ve always been known as shy, but dollars to doughnuts I now suspect AVPD. I gave up trying to form social connections many years ago and definitely feel more connected to animals as you mentioned. I have two cats who definitely don’t care what I look like or how close my family relationships are or what sort of job I have, from menial to higher level. They’ve been with me for over a year, know I provide care for them and are close to me like many people cannot be. Thank you for this video & for letting me know I’m not alone.

I am a 34 year old with AvPD. I think many things in life would have been better without alcohol as a coping mechanism. I feel like I can't interact with people normally but then become a crazy mess with alcohol

Was 8400 views overwhelming?

Returning home to an abusing family is like hell. I hope you manage to start a new life somewhere far away from them, soon. Don't waste your time and young years, close to these people. I made this mistake because of my agoraphobia and it threw me in deepest depression. I'm 32 currently and picking up my pieces. Keep my advice, make a distance between you and your family. Better try to find some friends with same experiences and stick with them.

OMG! It's been so long. I've been keeping track of KZbinrs with AvPD, even though you have social anxiety disorder, and thought things turned for the worse. Really happy to see you are still with us even though you are still struggling. I'm guessing you're having trouble finding a job where you don't have to work with people such as a work from home job because of your social anxiety. It's great you have someone who loves for who you are. Seeing the world through other peoples eyes with AvPD on KZbin helps me feel good that I'm not alone. Look forward to your next update no matter how long it takes. Peace and love always.

I seem to be repeating my childhood pattern of staying alone (dislike/hate my parents) with my books, music, radio and movies. Even when I had a Girlfriend I found it difficult or felt put out having to meet up with her, the only good thing was her cooking skills. (she passed away) I find people boring/not to be trusted and a risk of catching a disease or illness from them.

I totally get you, thanks for sharing and putting yourself out there!! ❤️🏳️‍🌈

Gosh you are so anoying, i dislike people with avoidend personality disorder now.

I wish you all the best with your journey. I'm 37, with a partner and young child and just realising that my social anxiety since teenage years probably always tended towards avoidant personality. I think it's got worse recently since having a kid, lockdowns and moving to a new place where we don't know anyone. For me, it's definitely a deep-seated sense of being unworthy and less-than and a kind of invisible barrier that I want to break through, but just can't seem to. I attract a lot of judgements because of the lack of confidence. And have to repeatedly keep picking back up again. I feel like a different person when Im on my own or with close family though. Such a painful disorder 💔

I totally relate to this.

Animals are not like a brick of wall. They love us unconditionally and my cat saved my life. I believe he was my guardian angel.

Yes I feel the same way too. Whenever in a social setting I feel so self conscious and nervous that people might be judging me and it's so hard to just blend in without being self aware.