How do you differentiate between poetry, and prose broken up to try and look like poetry i.e. free verse? After fifty years, never got a poet to explain. Can you be the first? Thanks for the video.

Daily Negation, January 12: I thought that this Negation was derived from The 37 Ways of the Bodhisattva. Silly me! After a bit of research, I confirmed that it is actually based on verses 5 and 6 of "Eight Verses for Training the Mind." I once attended a two day lecture by the Dalai Lama on the Eight Verses. I don't know why I always get the "Ways" and the "Verses" confused. Anyway, the referenced verses are like Jesus' "Turn the other cheek" on steroids. Paraphrased, they are: When people I trust fuck me over, I am to accept the defeat, offer them the victory, and regard them as precious teachers. I see the wisdom in this, although it is a tough row to hoe. I attended these lectures (at the Beacon Theatre) in 1999. I had thought that perhaps the lectures had had an influence my poem "Failure," which was something of a precursor to the Negations. But the album that includes that poem (also called "Failure") came out in 1998. I'm not that good with time. So "Failure" must have had other inspirations: perhaps some of the same self-help books that inspired the Negations, and perhaps also my inability to find a path for myself after getting dropped from Atlantic Records. Spoiler alert: I did not go the way of the Bodhisattva. And I trained my mind at best only a little.

Positively looks a lot better try some you’ll like it

Daily Negation, January 11: Another short one that I like. Damn, sometimes I think this book is really good. Sometimes I wonder why more people didn't buy it. I had the same thought about "Detachable." Lots of people heard that song. Literally millions. The video has several million views on KZbin. And like four people paid money for it. I mean, ok, more than four. But nowhere near a million. I don't mind, really. The label paid for it, and then they paid for the next record, and that one didn't do well at all. And so it goes. I could have done more with the opportunities I had, but I also could have done less. I guess I'm not a total failure. Just a partial one. That's fine.

I'm still here, Jesus WAS Way cool !!!

Daily Negation, January 10: I'm reminded of the song "I Wish it Would Rain." When it rains, it hides my teardrops. Similarly, if the world wasn't so full of possibility, I wouldn't feel so bad about having done so little. That's the logic of this Negation. Even when I wrote it, I hadn't really accomplished nothing. But when you're sad enough, you could be Shakespeare and still feel like life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. So don't try to tell me I ought to be proud of my accomplishments, or even satisfied with them. Go tell it to Shakespeare.

Daily Negation, January 9: This one stings, because I have probably disappointed a small child (my daughter, when she was small) many times. One time, I disappointed a whole classroom full of small children, including her. The class had this deal where a parent would come in and read a story or tell the class some fun fact or something, and then give the kids a snack. I had bought some semi-healthful snack of some sort (maybe Pop Corners, and/or some fruit or something). Violet suggested that I do one of my poems. I decided to do "Cheesecake Truck," because I thought they would find it funnier than say, "The Miracle of Childbirth." But what I had failed to consider was that the kids would obviously assume that the snack was going to be cheesecake. Why the fuck didn't I think of that? I not only disappointed them, but myself. Perhaps they all learned a valuable lesson that day. I know I did.

Daily Negation, January 8: One of the shortest Negations. Maybe it is the shortest, but it's also one of my favorites. Perhaps I'm easy to please. It references the "now wash your bowl" instruction of Zen Buddhism, an instruction that I have often found very helpful. It was not my intention to mock it here. I do believe that no matter how noneventful my life might be, it is better if I wash my bowl right after I eat my breakfast. Of course, these days, I rarely eat breakfast, but not because I don't want to wash a bowl.

Daily Negation, January 7: It's the end of the first week of the year, but I'm still caught up in the novelty of it. The year usually doesn't start to feel not new until at least a month has gone by, and it doesn't start to feel old until June or maybe even September. So the year has still just recently started over and the spirit of renewal is still in the air. Of course, the spirit of renewal is probably more in the air in the spring, and once upon a time, calendars began in March or April. That makes more sense to me. But I am a product of my environment, and the calendar says the new year started a week ago, and so here I am, thinking about the possibilities of renewal. I suppose there are many worse things I could be thinking about.

Daily Negation, January 6: "Sorrows of the past " almost sounds like a reference to the events of four years ago today, but the Negations were written more than 15 years ago, so it's just a coincidence. Forget I brought it up. Anyway: it really is very easy to block one's own progress by continuing to relive the past. The theory of neuroplasticity suggests that the more one relives the past, the harder it is to stop reliving it. The good news is that we are as capable of learning how to grow and improve as we are of learning how to stand in our own way and defeat ourselves. Or maybe almost as capable. I don't believe it's that much harder to be a friend to yourself than to be an enemy. It may be easier to believe that "I am my own worst enemy" than "I am my own best friend," but you can slowly move toward the more helpful outlook if you want to. In the same way, you can be vegan, or more helpful to your neighbors, if you really want to. I don't mean to argue with the negativity of this Negation, but I guess that's what I'm doing. I guess I have experienced some neuroplastic activity between the time I wrote this Negation and now. Which is just as well, I suppose.

It's fun to stay in and warm on chilly lazy weekend. Make your own happy thoughts happen

Nice weather is subjective however, people are depressed and miserable these days. What is your motive because it seems this helps very little if anyone at all.

Daily Negation, January 5: This Negation fails to mention how liberating bad weather can be to one who is inclined to stay inside anyway. Of course, one can be quite productive while staying indoors, and one can stay inside and think happy thoughts, if one has happy thoughts to think. And of course, one can also think very sad thoughts when the weather is perfectly nice. In fact, nice weather can make sad thoughts even sadder, because they can make you feel more alone, in much the same way that a book of affirmations can make you feel worse when you are already feeling relatively negative. This is kind of a dumb and obvious commentary. I feel kind of dumb and obvious right now. I wonder if I will feel smarter and less obvious tomorrow. I guess I will find out tomorrow.

Daily Negation, January 4: Expressions of the inability to do something may simply be laziness or lack of inclination. But sometimes, I really do feel frustrated and hopeless. Sometimes I don't know what I want to do, or I wonder whether what I want to do is possible. I used to be so afraid to even try, but I guess I've never been afraid to imagine. I am under the perhaps false impression that all actions begin with the imagination. But I am also under the impression, based on some things I have read, that organisms (including humans) often act before a corresponding impulse can be identified as having occurred in the central nervous system. Research and experimentation about this has been brought out as evidence that action precedes intention. And maybe that's true, and if so, then perhaps I don't actually want to do anything - I just retrospectively convince myself that anything I did was something I wanted to do, when in fact I had no such desire before I did the thing. This also suggests that the reason I don't do things isn't because I don't want to do them, and that I only tell myself I didn't want to do the thing I didn't do after having not done it. I am not fully convinced of these notions. They seem half plausible and half highly unlikely. For example, although I can't say why, I believe I actually wanted to write this Negation and this commentary. But maybe I didn't. I just don't know. And I once read an essay/review by James Glieck in the New York Review of Books dubunking the notion on "no free will." I found it convincing, and I'd like to believe that it was me who decided to be convinced.

Daily Negation, January 3: Of course, I am changing all the time in ways that are imperceptible to me but that some people notice sometimes. For example, I seem to always be either gaining weight or losing it. I gained weight last year. People probably notice, but people usually don't say anything about a change in someone's weight unless they have noticed a loss in weight. Which is kind-hearted of them. I am often that way about myself: I'll mention when I have lost weight, but not when I've gained. But here I am, mentioning that I have gained it. Of course, I change in other ways too. Sometimes I feel a bit smarter, and sometimes I feel dumber. Sometimes I am happier, sometimes sadder. This Negation is about how change is often unnoticeable, but a reminder that it is happening all the time.

Happy New Year John. You are the best and you have lots. We should have all been rocks, sticks or coffee tables. We did it! WE MADE IT ALMOST TO INTELLIGENT LIFEFORMS! Big fan of you sir. Hugs.

Daily Negation, January 2: Just like the waning days of the previous year, the opening days of a new year are often occasions for reflection and assessment, where the idea of making a fresh start seems particularly relevant and possible. This is an illusion: you can start over whenever you like. May 19 or February 7 or October 24 are just as valid reinvention days as yesterday was, or today, or tomorrow. And similarly, it is possible to feel stuck in a rut during this new year period, and to not feel the possibility of renewal. This idea of moving on by completely negating the past is a tempting one sometimes, but I don't think it's necessary to leave everything behind in order to reinvent yourself. But maybe I have never reinvented myself. Maybe I would enjoy that. I wonder who I would be, and what I would be like, if I were to become some different person. I may think about this some more. Or I may not.

Happy New Years! I would apologize for not checking in lately, but you above all know that the world swallows us often.

Daily Negation, January 1: Hello and Happy New Year! Of course, these are Negations, and so perhaps "Happy New Year" is not the appropriate sentiment. But what is appropriate? I have wrangled with the sentiments in this book that is now more than 15 years old and feels older. I have read that as people age, even though their problems (including medical problems) seem to pile up, their mental health generally improves. I don't mean to suggest that having a negative outlook on life is mentally unhealthy--it is often the negative thinkers that are the least deluded. But I have come to mostly prefer being happy to being right, and it feels better. At the same time, I've tried to look at things more realistically as well. I think. Turning to this particular Negation, I want to say that obviously things change. When I get into a rut, I feel as though things aren't changing, but I've come to believe that that feeling is just me telling me that *I* ought to change--either the circumstances, or my perspective, or both. The power to change can come from positive forces such as optimism, or negative forces such as fear or anger. Whatever floats your boat. If being resolved on this particular day is helpful to you, then I wish you well with whatever you resolve to do. I will set some intentions for the year. The resolutions that I have made that have actually stuck have never been the ones inspired by the new year, but one never knows. Ah, that's optimism right there. Sometimes it is difficult to contain.

Daily Negation, December 31: Well, it's not quite over. There is still this day left. There are still a few more things I can do. And how different will tomorrow actually be from today? I guess I'll find out. As for not having much, I have suggested lately, including yesterday, that I don't feel this way at all. This year has been almost scandalously good to me. Scandalous, because it just doesn't feel right to feel so good when there has been so much suffering. This Negation also describes the tendency most of us have to take stock, maybe make resolutions, and bid goodbye and/or good riddance to another year gone by. The book ends here, but I will begin at the beginning tomorrow, and expect to keep going for the time being. I don't know if I want to keep reading these for the rest of my life--or rather, I do know that I don't want to. I wonder if there is some way to collect these videos so that one could just go to the day's Negation whenever one was so inclined. Something to think about. Anyway, Happy Last Day of the Year!! See you tomorrow.

Daily Negation, December 30: This year has felt like 5 or 6 months and like 14 or 15 months, or more. It is said that as we age, time seems to speed up, and that has kind of been my experience. I did accomplish a number of things this year, and I expect that next year I may find that that continues. I've written at least five poems every day this year, and seven on weekend days. I put out 11 paperback books of each month's worth of the poems--except for this month's, which I will finish tomorrow. I have been recording and posting these Negations (with comments) for 57 months. These projects will continue for now. As has been the case with me for a long time, I have more ideas about things I'd like to do than time or energy to do them, but I think next year will be at least fairly productive and satisfying. Perhaps it will be very productive and satisfying. Or perhaps I will be faced with unimaginable hardships. I have no idea. I will make some plans, but I will try not to assume or count on anything. And I will see what happens.

Daily Negation, December 29: I feel as though I do many of the same things I used to do when I used to think I was wasting time, but those things feel less like wasting time than they used to. I guess what I mean is that I use to have much more urgency about doing rather than just experiencing. The Tao Te Ching had a big influence on my thinking in that regard, but it was a long time before the thinking about the Tao translated into the "not doing" that the Tao Te Ching prescribes. Perhaps if I had done less thinking about the Tao, I would have gotten to the not doing earlier, but there never was a sense of urgency about that, and there never is a deadline for being here now. Yes, I have less time, and yes, there are things I would like to have together that I don't have together. And yes, there is more that I would like to do. But I have been loving life lately, and that hasn't happened by rushing through it, but by savoring the beautiful moments and enjoying where I am and who I am with. I don't mean to suggest that every moment is full of joy. But I will say that every moment is a precious gift, and the more that I appreciate that, the happier I will be. And I've been appreciating it a lot lately. Even though some of the circumstances this Negation describes still exist, my perspective has changed a lot. And I like how these Negations remind me of that.

iT'S.......

Daily Negation, December 28: I am reminded of Colin Beavan, a guy I used to see a lot around the way--he grew food in a community garden near where I live. He is known for an experiment he conducted wherein he tried to have no environmental impact for a year. The resulting book and film, both titled No Impact Man, are full of revelations and made me think a lot more than I ever had about how much waste and garbage I consume and produce. These days, I can take lessons from him and people like him, and I can apply those lessons to my life, rather than being demoralized and thinking there is nothing I can do. I do believe I have been living a worthwhile life. I am happy to know that some of what I have produced has touched the hearts of some. People have even told me that I helped them survive high school. That is gratifying. It may be true that I have wasted and thrown away more I have created, but I have done some good in the world. It's a wonderful life, even with all of its attendant suffering and awfulness. Some days I just don't feel very negative at all, which is good, except when I have to write commentaries about Negations. It might be helpful to be at least a little down in the dumps for this task. Today, I am not. But there's always tomorrow.

Come to the forest with me.

Merry Christmas everybody....

Daily Negation, December 27: Those who have heard my album "Real Men" may find this Negation reminiscent of "The Party." When "The Party" was written, being invited to parties and other social gatherings caused me a great deal of anxiety. I still am not as brave about this as I want to be. But since the pandemic, I have found myself craving crowds, and not crowds of people coming to see me perform, but rather, crowds of people gathered to have a good time: a party or a wedding or some other kind of well attended and happy social occasion. I'm sure many people have had this feeling, but I would imagine that most people who feel this way are people who have genuinely enjoyed parties in the past. For me, this desire is quite surprising. I thought it would go away after a party or two. But I have been surprised at how happy I have been to see people. I can't say for sure that I would really enjoy going to any party, or whether some parties might still cause the anxiety that this Negation describes. Would I go to a New Year's Eve party if I were invited to one? I don't know.

Daily Negation, December 26: Have I ever felt this way? I don't think so. I'm not a particularly jealous type. As Sinead sang, I do not want what I haven't got, with perhaps a few exceptions. I am content. Maybe too content. Some discontent might motivate me to do more to make things better. Fortunately, I have found other motivators. But I don't have a lot of discontent or jealousy. I'm pretty happy. I am aware that everyone is fighting interior battles. Sometimes I want to bear their burdens so that they don't have to, but that's the opposite of jealousy, I think. And sometimes I receive a gift so unexpected and generous that it moves me to tears. Tears, not jealousy. Today is my father's birthday. He died over 35 years ago. Am I jealous of people who still have their fathers? I'm really not, even though I miss him, and wish I had been on better terms with him when he died. I sometimes wonder what he would think of what has become of me. He never said he was proud of me--I think he was uncomfortable speaking that way. But in the end, there was a good amount of mutual respect. Again, I've gotten off the topic. But the topic here is problematic. I don't think I've ever been jealous of anyone who ever gave me anything. So this Negation feels very odd to me.

Waiting for your new years eve poems❤

Daily Negation, December 25: I grew up celebrating Christmas every year, and I still do. I'm not as giving as I want to be, and I'm not always sure what holds me back. But I give more than I used to, and I'm much happier, and I think the two are related, although I'm well aware of the post hoc, ergo propter hoc fallacy--I first learned about in September of 1999, when I saw a West Wing episode with that name. That was a fine show, wasn't it? Anyway...giving. This Negation implies that one of the things that fuels selfishness is fear. I guess that's not really news. I am afraid that I won't have enough, so I want to hold on to what I have. It is often the people who have the most that are most likely to feel this way. The more one has, the more one has to lose. There is the Giving Pledge Initiative, set up by Warren Buffett and Bill and Melinda Gates. And there are other similar movements aimed at getting the very wealthy to do more. I can look at this and say "Well, of course. They have a lot more money to spare than I do." I can always find reasons why I can't give. And Christmas time usually reminds me of my inner Scrooge. That's not a bad thing, if it motivates me to give more, and it usually does.

Thanks for the poems John! Much enjoyed

Daily Negation, December 24: I'm not sure what's going on at the end of this Negation. I have never wanted a gun or an expensive lunch. I suppose it might be fun to shoot cans off a fence, but I'd probably miss and that would be frustrating. And it's cold out. If I'm going to do something outside, it shouldn't involve standing still so that I can aim at something. So yeah--no gun for me. No thanks. As for the expensive lunch, I suppose I would enjoy that significantly more than a gun, but that is not to say that I would enjoy it. I'd have to dress up in nice clothes, and then think about how everyone else's clothing is so much nicer than mine, and their clothes are probably just everyday clothes for them--they might not even have given a thought to what they were wearing. I would be full of shame. Plus, there is the issue of the expense of the expensive lunch. Expensive lunches are expensive, unless, of course, I had a gun and could somehow use it to convince someone to cover the expense of the lunch. But that doesn't sound like something I would do. So, yeah. I don't relate to the end of this Negation at all. The rest of it, though, raises an often raised question about motivations. I try not to worry much about motivations anymore--mine or anyone else's. If the deed is good, then it's good, even if it's motivated by something not so good, such as the desire to feel good about doing a good deed. Just do the good thing, and try not to worry about why you're doing it. That's what I tell myself these days. And I do more good things as a result. So that's good. It's very good. It's so good that maybe I deserve an expensive lunch. But I don't want one.

Thanks for sharing you selfishness

Daily Negation, December 23: I heard a quote once that I believe was misattributed to the Dalai Lama (HHDL to his friends). The quote was something to the effect that everybody is selfish, but the most selfish people are the ones who are most selfless, because they know that selflessness brings the most happiness. In retrospect, this doesn't seem like something HHDL would say (I'm not saying I'm a friend of his. I'm saying that it's not just his friends that call him that). I was never able to track down the source of the quote, probably because I can't quite remember how the quote goes. But the point is that being selfish stands in the way of my happiness, so if I'm feeling particularly negative, I can compound my bad feelings by thinking only of myself and my needs. This is convenient and easy to do, and I am selfish more often than I like to admit. It is nice that at this time of the year I tend to respond to the pressure to be a little more giving. And this year, I feel as though I extended it out a bit more, and was more kind and giving more often than in the past. Hopefully that will continue. If fear and resentment return, then it won't continue. This Negation reminds me of how easy it is to be selfish. Not that I needed a reminder.

Daily Negation, December 22: There is at least some truth to this Negation. Most people seem anxious for the year to end, even if there isn't a lot of optimism about next year..... "Pretend to be determined" is a bit harsh. I usually feel determined to do better each year than I did the year before. But it is true that as the year heads toward its end I am reminded of my own mortality and of how I am aging. So far the changes have been barely perceptible. I don't remember feeling this healthy when I was 40, or even 30. Perhaps I had a bit more energy. But even if I'm youthful, the end of a year and the beginning of a new one can make me feel old and archaic. Not useless--I usually feel useful. And not usually anxious, and usually more patient than in the past. But sometimes old. But only sometimes. Anyway, I feel some optimism for next year, even though I know it will be filled with disappointment and pain. I hope it will be better in some ways. We will see.

Daily Negation, December 21: Some people really seem to behave as though this is how they feel. Yes, that is a judgment. That is me judging people more harshly than I judge myself. Because even in my darkest hours, I don't actually succumb to this kind of thinking, and I never have. In this Negation, I am imagining a deeply sick version of myself, one that I fortunately do not recognize as me. But I am guilty of thinking that some people are like this. Sometimes it feels good to think of ill of people, but not this time. If I'm wrong, then I am being unjust. If I am right, that's even worse. And of course, even though our time on this globe is brief, we ought to do good because it feels good to do so, if for no other reason. Damn, I'm judgmental and moralistic today. Or, more accurately, I'm more judgmental and moralistic than usual today. I'm not sure what that's about. I hope it goes away soon.

❤

Daily Negation, December 20: This sentiment about the year seems to be shared by everyone I know. In many ways, it's been a great year for me personally, but in other ways this one was not very good at all. And it's still not over! I've grown accustomed to being disappointed, even though I am often pleasantly surprised--perhaps because my expectations are often kept in check. This Negation contains what I believe to be good advice about non-attachment and a perhaps helpful reminder about impermanence. I'm not suggesting that you need to be reminded or advised. As usual, the reminders and advice are more for me than for anyone else. I share them with you in case they may provide something helpful or at least a pleasant distraction. That is my hope.

Daily Negation, December 19: Here we are again, with "Hell is other people." In most years, there are invitations to parties around this time of the month, and one of my biggest challenges as a human is to be at ease in crowds. It's a bit odd, because when I am fortunate enough to have a large audience for one of my performances, I'm usually excited and happy. But parties can often depress me, as can dance clubs, or really any large gathering where I'm supposed to interact. I suppose the thing about audiences for my shows is that people tend to approach me, and this works out well, as I am often quite shy. And most of the time, I am happy to hear what they have to say, or to talk about what they want to talk about. I recall, however, a virtual discussion I got into once with a "fan" who thought it was important for me to know which songs of mine he didn't like. I didn't respond, because my thought was "Why the fuck do you think I care? Who the fuck are you?" Although I am happy that I exercised restraint then, I am venting about it now, and it's not entirely possible that the person to whom I am referring will see this. What kind of a mood am I in that this amuses me? I suppose a rather negative one. I'm not saying that this particular person was hell. But if you ask me again tomorrow, I might say that.

Daily Negation, December 18: This seems completely wrong-headed. Judging myself does not cause me to judge others more; I think it's just the opposite: the more aware I am of my defects, the more forgiving I am of the defects of others. All of us (or at least most of us) are broken and/or in various stages of breaking apart. That's why we seek support from others, or from God, or from a deeper or more idealized version of ourselves, or from whatever might work for us. Sometimes seeing aspects of myself in others can lead to revulsion or some other negative response, but more often I feel a kinship, or empathy, and less aloneness. The judgement and contempt I used to have for others has been mostly replaced with equanimity and love. Mostly. But I still have time to dig deeper, and hopefully go farther. Ugh, this is sounding more like an affirmation. But as I have suggested before, negative and positive thinking are two sides of the same coin. Both have their advantages and dangers. Both are based on combinations of delusion and truth. At least, that's what I think.

Daily Negation, December 17: Some of these Negations seem like jokes, but this one dryly illustrates the bind I find myself in. The way I deal with certain painful things is by taking some action without thinking about it too much. So I give to causes about which I don't always want to know the details: the suffering they are attempting to avert; the cruel injustices they are trying to make right; the Sisyphean tasks in which they are engaged. The money means I'm not completely burying my head in the sand. But my disinclination to fully bear witness troubles me. But I have gotten a bit better about looking at things I don't want to look at, and I expect that that will continue to improve. So this Negation is a helpful reminder to me that I can do more than I have been doing.

Daily Negation, December 16: Sometimes it's a good idea to keep one's expectations low, or try to maintain detachment from the results. On the other hand, the thrill of buying a lottery ticket or making a bet with very long odds is the dream of what a big payoff might mean. I haven't bought a lottery ticket in at least five years--personally, I'm not much of a gambler. But it can be nice to dream an impossible dream. This Negation is about how disappointing one's day-to-day life can be, and how easy it is to fall into bitterness. It describes feelings of hopelessness and defeat, and sadness over loss. I've certainly experienced all of these things, and in trying to express the feelings honestly, I perhaps am making a case against looking at things entirely realistically. Maybe one of the things that keeps us going is our refusal to look the entire truth completely squarely in the eye. But then we judge each other based on how our views of "reality" differ or on the relative intensity of our convictions. I'm not suggesting that everyone's viewpoint is equally valid. I don't believe that. But it's good to try to understand people, because you can only meet them where they are. I've gone astray again, but maybe not too far. The topic is self-delusion vs. accepting reality, I think. I don't always know what the topic actually is.

Daily Negation, December 15: Shortly after this book came out, I had heard from a bookseller in the East Village that some people thought this book wasn't dark enough. Maybe I'm not negative enough to write a book like this, by which I mean that a thoroughly nihilistic misanthrope might have done a better job with this project. That said, this Negation is pretty dark, and I hasten to note that I have never not wanted to live. Perhaps that means I'm completely deluded, or perhaps I'm just good at burying my negative feelings when I need to. But in my darkest moments, I've asked for help rather than just given up. And so far, I'm glad I did. My life and the way I look at it both seem better and better to me, which means that with each passing year I am less qualified to write a book like this one, and to do these daily videos. But I will keep making the videos for now. I'm not sure when I will stop, but I imagine I will eventually.

Daily Negation, December 14: As I've said before, I don't think I "do nothing." I think I don't do enough, and I feel guilty about that, and it's a good thing that I do, because the guilt encourages me to do more, so as to mitigate it. I'm never going to feel as though I'm doing enough, and I don't want to say "but that's okay." On one level, I accept that I'm way more inclined to give money than my time, but on another level, or at other times, I think I'd be more self content if gave more of myself. I'd rather do these little performances, or write poems or songs, or play an instrument (ukulele), have sex (when possible), take care of my kid (although she's 18 and mostly takes care of herself), and even work: I'd rather put in some overtime at my job, earn some extra money, and give some of that money away, than use that time volunteering. Or at least I think I'd rather do that. Maybe if I volunteered instead of doing my job, I'd be happier. This Negation reminds me that it doesn't make sense to feel sad or deprived when there are so many people who have so much less than I. And yet I do it sometimes. So yes, I am selfish, and yes I feel guilty about it, and I'm glad I feel guilty, because the guilt makes me give. Maybe I will give some money right now. Tis the season, after all.

Daily Negation, December 13: About four years ago, I read an essay in the New York Review of Books (for more than 20 years my favorite periodical) about the origins of life. I remember very little of it, and may go and read it again now (it's called "In the Soup," by Tim Flannery; NYR, December 3, 2020). The essay (actually a review of a book called The Genesis Quest: The Geniuses and Eccentrics on a Journey to Uncover the Origin of Life on Earth, by Michael Marshall) describes how life may have emerged from non-life and reproduced itself. It was a remarkable and unlikely achievement, but to say that may be misleading: was that early life attempting to achieve anything? Was it at all conscious of what it was trying to do, in the sense that we understand consciousness? Probably not. So while it's almost certainly true that life doesn't burden itself with doubt and self pity, I doubt that life thinks it's "all that and a bag of chips." I don't know what life thinks, or if it thinks at all. Maybe life just tried to stay alive, because once it became alive, that seemed like the right thing to do. And most of us have that same instinct, whether we think we are all that and a bag of chips, or whether we think very little of ourselves. Living beings tend to want to stay alive, until they give up the ghost. I guess that's kind of obvious.

You are trying your best and I like it😁👍

Good job

Daily Negation, December 12: Success, of course, is relative. There are some people who might consider me successful. I have managed to succeed in a few things. There are a couple of people who consider me persona non grata, which is perhaps inevitable when you've had 63 revolutions around the sun. But I'd like to think I haven't pissed as many people off as I might have in these six decades. That's success. I was lucky enough to make a living off of my work for a few years, although part of that success was due to the very low rent I was paying and the relative austerity that I was enduring at the time. Still, it felt like success, and when it went away, it felt like failure. Few people can survive solely off of their art, and I certainly never expected to, and the idea of teaching always intimidated me, so I figured I'd never be a successful "academic poet" (meaning making a living from teaching and the occasional meager book advance) either. Great financial success was something I never pursued, so it would be wrong to say it has eluded me. But for someone with a law degree, I have not made much money. My one truly great success is my daughter, but I can barely take credit for her either: she was born brilliant, dedicated, and hilarious. Whatever little "me" influence I see in her usually makes me happy. And it's more success than any other I ever could have imagined. So this Negation, which was written before she was born, is no longer true for me.

Thank you my friend.

Daily Negation, December 11: I stop my self from growing by being afraid of pain and sadness and disappointing or angering people. I know intellectually that almost every painful or sad thing that has happened to me has helped me be a better person, and there are few things I would change. This Negation reminds me again of that Animal House quote, that I last quoted on August 28. It is: "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." But I like to eat, I used to love to drink, and sometimes I wish I didn't know some of the things I know. And I prefer sitting on a couch to a hard chair. I have fairly simple needs, but I'm not ascetic. I like a certain degree of comfort. And I don't think that growing as a person would hasten my death, unless that growth included daredevil sports or other kinds of health risks, which seems implausible. So this Negation is mostly true for me, but not completely. But, as I keep forgetting, it's not all about me.