Haha, so interesting and now know I’m def a 9w1 ☺️

As I get older I believe more and more that resilience is one of the most important things to be taught to kids. If I had had even an ounce of resilience aka 'bounce- back', my life would have been much different :)

Initially I can be really awkward with it but with time I can become moderately good at it. But most of the time when I'm doing it I'm just mimicking other people's body language and way of speaking hoping that the mirroring will help mask my awkwardness. But I can't keep at it for too long and somehow my real self will start breaking through the facade. And then people catch on to it and will start avoiding me and when I sense it I'll back off myself because I don't want to bother them and make them feel uncomfortable.

There are circumstances where I can do small talk, like going shopping or on public transport, at the bus stop or the train station. I just don't feel comfortable with it. Now I understand why.

I’ve actually got way worse with small talk - with age I just choose, as an INFP, to just not do it 😂

My INFP4w5 likes small talk way more than I do I'm INFJ2w1

😂

INFP 6w5 here. I cannot deal with small talk. It really grinds my gears. If there is no underlying meaning in a situation where I can listen attentively or an outlet from the conversation that I can expand, then it’s annoying and not deep rooted enough for me. It’s a really bad trait when others try small talk with me. I don’t like being asked about the weather and if I can text or call someone later? Like that will always depend on the situation, but having to spotlight those redundant questions I don’t want to answer. Or obvious questions the other person CLEARLY knows… right.

Infps don't have fe I the stack.. fi ne si te

This t-shirt looks cool😎 As a 41-year-old INFP, I kinda learned already how to do small talk, though it sort of goes against my values. But I realised that people need it as a signal that they can relax when dealing with me. I also hate artificial smiles but... sometimes it's better to fake it because people don't have the time to think and are acting very subconsciously a lot of the time. Very subconsciously and that's why for INFP it's crucial to walk in with self-esteem, otherwise other people will subconsciously ignore them and then act annoyed when the INFP start defending themselves. "But you were silent all the time!" - well that doesn't mean you had to act like a jerk. If I act humble it doesn't mean you can forget about my existence or use me because "you seemed nice at first!". I hope I'm being coherent 😅

Не люблю светские беседы для меня это разговор не о чем... Но всегда поддержу человека который захочет поговорить и тему найду.. Но чаще всего темы эти для меня не интересные потому что в голове у меня другой мир для других не понятный.. А ещё часто люди много жалуются на жизнь и не замечают что хорошего происходит вокруг. Приходится соглашаться и поддерживать) И по этой причине меня две- внутренняя для себя и внешняя для других... Это наверное особенность всех интровертов существовать внутри себя)

Ah my second self. Having to access that Broca’s area files for small talk. Like opening a file cabinet 😂 if I could only lock the cabinet and toss the key some days. That’s where I keep my ‘radio voice’ I get compliments about. So Brendon how’s the weather bruh? Peace

I honestly don’t mind small talk as such, I’m much more freaked out by feeling ignorant when the topic turns to something I know nothing about.

I see some similarity in the prevous comments, that for INFPs small talk is like some uncomfortable mask which we have to wear. Personally I feel like I'm more and more hiding behind this mask and actually some people don't even know real me...

nightmare ☠️ 💀

I feel lonely when I engage in small talk. I think it makes me feel more isolated because I don't feel like I can be myself. I would rather be alone, and express myself in my journal. There is something very powerful about untangling my thoughts, and putting them on a page. In small talk the jumbled thoughts just stay tangled in my mind, and I am painfully aware I have to keep them there.

I'm already "not young" and having experience working from the customer service industry I did develop the skill to make small talk, but when I'm off-duty - like not managing my shop and just hanging out in some coffee shop - I tend to pick my topic. I have also learned how to maintain my personal bubble even in public spaces like cafes. This is why there are certain crowds in coffee shops which I can tolerate, but there are also groups I detest being in close proximity of.

For sure have gotten more used to small talk, but for me, I’d say it’s definitely still a point where I can zone out entirely and miss the whole conversation since my brain considers itself to be on “autopilot” a lot of the time. Thanks for the video! ❤

I dont really struggle with small talk that much. But I spent a good chunk of my life on the gulf coast, where you have to exchange life stories and plan a shrimping buisness if you make eye contact with someone in the grocery store.

Frrr! I never know an exact time to do it. it's always random, lol! 😄✨️

I’m working on making captions for the new shorts 🎉 also I’m not interested in politics so please no political comments, thanks.

I definitely learnt how to deal with small talk with time, especially at work. Now I use to get to know people, to talk about stuff I cant talk about with other people I know, I end up finding out common interests and just focus on those things and learn new rhings, and a lot of the time I end up having a quite deep conversation that started from some shallow comment. Its really nice and fun to get to know people just have a pleasant verbal exchange with them.

For me, small talk is important if you've just met the other person, or if you don't know them very well. One cannot just start discussing one's inner-most feelings with someone one barely knows. I don't like it myself (and I'm not good at it), but it's a starting point.

47 yo female INFP 4w5 here to chime in and say I HATE small talk. I just don’t know how to do it. For me it’s either to complain about things or to be a Pollyanna…both are annoying and empty wastes of words. If I talk about the fall leaves here and someone brings up rain, I immediately get irritated and want to bring up color and sporadic sunny days and fall clothes and cooking…but that feels in defiance of their negativity about rain which makes me angry with myself that I can’t just nod along and bite my tongue while looking for an exit. Thing is, I also do wallflower it and hold my tongue because I don’t trust myself to not deepen a shallow conversation and I wonder if it’s because I feel like the underdog in that social setting g and have to fight for myself. Which is stupid. And unnecessary. I’m rambling and I haven’t even finished the video yet. You might hear from me again and I apologize in advance.

😊

I've dated all 3 of those and I picked the intj although they all had lovely personalities

We all have experienced moments of Schadenfreude, no matter how brief or infrequent. That certainly contains an element of dark empathy, doesn't it?

I am a passive-aggressive INFP. I absolutely lose my empathy when I, myself, or someone I care about is hurt or threatened by someone else.

Is it a form of codependency? Meaning that you are giving love and gifts/time and caring into another indivual bc you want it reciprocated and are looking for love so badly. Is that what this is?

Omg this happens to me all the time and I can see a mixtue of shock and boredom on the poor listener's face .. and I swiftly feel a bit weirdly vulnerable!

So relatab!e, as always 😊

I've heard the term, but I didn’t know what it was. Actually kind of scared to know. 😅 I have not done this, at least not to my knowledge. There have been moments I'm stuck in my own head or I'm agitated and then something comes up that at first I might think "ugh, really? why now?" But then I scold myself because I do want to be there for others. People are surprised when I listen or lend advice. I don't know what's so surprising about it. Treat others how you want to be treated. Not a hard concept. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Infp gives me the ick, such negative clumsy downer

As an Aquarius ♒ I feel all of you

Я верю то что меня окружает и в реальном и виртуальном мире имеет только доброую, светлую сторону эмпатии 😄🌹🍬 Иногда с маленьким хулиганством) что бы не скучать)

We can smell sociopathy

As an INFP 4w5 I feel SO SEEN. This is sooo incredibly accurate to my experience

Only think I hate about infp is sometimes they are sissy

I recognize the behaviour but I can't do it myself. I feel physically ill when I think of taking advantage of someone in that way. I get taken advantage of a lot, it's frustrating because I want to find reciprocal relationships but so far I haven't found them. There are a lot of takers out there. I get annoyed with my gift sometimes because I can recognize other situations so well but have so many people misunderstand and misrepresent me. I just don't understand why people assume the worst of me without cause but still come to me for advice and help.

Would an experience of someone “acting” like they understood and cared for your situation but to later find out that it was only for their own gain/knowledge? I know two INFPs that have done this to myself bruh. Dark Empathy may explain this. I’ve not looked at it this way. I just figured they were (insert fowl language body part here). My question is, do these INFPs ever regret their actions or do they have no idea they hurt people deeply?

My boss is an INFP and he does all kind of emotional manipulation. Most of his tactics with me are fear based, I see through it. When i counter those, he argues through empathy for my situation to seek some outcome. He can't learn to speak straight language or to hear truth of the situation.

Are y’all evil? Just say that

Hi, INFP 5w4 that mistyped as an INTJ BECAUSE of the Enneagram skewing it so much- what with me valuing rational on such a level that I thought…. There is NO WAY that I’m a feeling type. I’m way too logical. I value planning way too much. I place too much emphasis on rationality. On logic. So on and so forth. But there were those seeds of doubt that I kept coming back to. “I don’t think the INTJ, though them not feeling deeply is a misconception- feels… THIS much. I’m very rational, true. But am I really a ‘T’ type?” And then I just was not convinced I had Ni. I bounce my ideas off of my fiance far too much. I’m a creative powerhouse and I love the abstract. I’m blunt. Far too blunt, I thought, to have ever considered myself the sweet and considerate INFP. Yet as rational as I am, as blunt as I am, I always circle around to fretting about how that bluntness effects the people around me. It isn’t as if I am able to just be blunt, straightforward? And move on. I put a lot of /emotional/ weight into what I do. And that’s just it. It’s the emotional value of what I create that kept making the typing feel wrong even when on paper the typing SEEMED right. Yknow? And in the most INFP fashion possible, the way that I finally figured out my type? Writing for a character that I ended up typing as an INFP, and finding far too many similarities that I finally allowed myself to ruminate on and then apply my enneagram too. That’s when I looked into the function stack and allowed myself to delve further into this subtype and suddenly it all clicked on a level of fitting me that was unlike any type of fit I’d had before. It was uncanny and I knew I’d found my slot. I would have just never imagined myself a feeler, but that’s why knowing your enneagram is so important.

Conflict is definitely difficult, although i do reach a threshhold, mind you it takes quite a bit to get there. But i feel justified at that point to do something. I have recurring dreams (nightmares, depends on how you look at it) where i can't yell when i need help, or my senses are limited. You are spot on about getting tongue-tied. It's so frustrating that certain people i speak too, bosses, strangers, i cannot articulate what I'm thinking. I totally went out of my comfort zone and asked out my now husband (believe God had a hand in that) we've been married now for 23 years.

Whoa, dark empathy sounds very dark indeed! Unselfless Empathy to my mind is then not actually empathy, really. Brrrr, got chills just thinking about this! 😢

As an INFP, I’m mostly a light empath, but as an interrogator, being able to tap into dark empathy has worked wonders for my career! For me, it’s almost like punching in to work, flipping on (or perhaps off lol) a switch, and diverting my empathy, expressions, and inflections to more of a “results” box than a “trying to help” box. Loved the video as always! ❤️

I more so see it in Fe-Se and Te-Se folks but Im not completely sure

As an INFP-T I sometimes question myself and my level of empathy. Am I empathetic? Yes I feel bad for others at times but I also have my own s**t to deal with, I have family and friends that I try to be there for but I also need alone time to recharge. Looking at these negative traits can better help us understand how to look out for them in ourselves and others and take steps to do what we can to overcome them. Understanding these negative traits is not the same as embracing them.

Please don't get into dark triad stuff, i find it is a really hokey and unhelpful concept

Yes. I would say we all should have some Fe.