One of the biggest problems I’ve had with my recovery is the lack of diagnosis. I had eating disorder behaviours for years but as you said in the video, nobody noticed until I started to look unwell. I was overweight when my ED took over and I lost 6 stone quickly and became underweight. However, my care-coordinator at the time said my ED behaviours were “just my autism.” I tried to recover myself and start eating more but it’s so dangerous to do that without professional guidance; I tried to take my life two months into my “self-recovery”. The time I got help from ED services, I no longer met the BMI criteria for anorexia and I was never given a meal plan or any support that was helpful; I was labelled (not even officially diagnosed) with OSFED. To this day I am not recovered mentally because of the invalidation I received from my family and professionals. My ED brain tells me daily that I will never be sick enough until I officially get the anorexia diagnosis and beat my lowest weight. I have to fight my ED brain everyday to stay physically well as I have so many things to live for now. I hope that I will mentally recover one day too.

I don't know I'm at this beginning stage where I'm so unhappy in my body and want nothing more than to be thinner. But I relate to you how for years people couldn't tell because I'll be hungry for days but then eat whatever I want so it kind of just equaled out so I appeared the same but as I'm getting older it's getting so hard. And I suffer from severe scoliosis so I consistently have had doctors talking about my body, examining it, and making comments on it since I was 10. Now whenever I hear these comments it sticks with me and doesn't leave. But visibly I look normal but my mind is never at ease and I'm so so sick of this feeling.

This was a very comforting video to listen to, I started off the exact same. Some days I am completely fine with eating and honouring my hunger but other days I would get back into the obsession of losing weight. My body dysmorphia has never been worse and as a 19 year old it's so much harder to deal with food since you're responsible for your own doctors appointments and your own eating not like when I was a kid and I would have my meals made for me. My mindset keeps juggling between wanting to recover and wanting to get sicker and I can literally stand in the kitchen staring into the cupboard for 30 minutes trying to justify my decision on whether or not I eat something. In school I always thought i'd never use math in real life but here I am !

Unless you're at death's door, do NOT go to hospital ; they treat you like a criminal !

86k views proves this video wasnt boring or sh**. Thanks for sharing "massively" beautiful Emily.

Make a diet you need it !!!!

I miss you here ❤ hope you are good

I relate so hard with the not eating for a while or restricing then having weed or months of eating ‘normal’ but I’m not even skinny I never have been :( . I’m 18 & I’ve been overweight my whole life . I’m finally in the normal bmi category but I wish I could find someone who relates with the weight I’ve never been skinny yet so I feel so invalid

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Beautiful relaxing day for you my new friend. Felyn here a Boholana in Canada

omg same!!!! a proffesional had to tell me that i have to eat, it sounds so weird but i needed someone how "knows it" to say it

You have been missed!x

Emily I think about your example nearly every day. You really reassure me that things are OK. Xxx

Glad you're back and in your own flat! You deserve it

Welcome back ! I was just thinking about you and wondering if you’re okay last week 😌

Welcome back, your takeaway looked lush😋

Lovely to see you back :)

Thank you for your videos.

Happy new year Emily 🥳❤️

Keep on vlogging... stay safe... watching from Toronto

you don’t know how much this helped me. i’m in recovery from severe anorexia, and your story is almost identical to mine ♥️ It has been so hard lately for me because i was never hospitalized, so i didn’t feel valid or “sick enough.” I was 3 days away from hospitalization, and hearing someone else with the same situation is life saving for me! thank you so so so so so much

This starry protector is so cool and relaxing 😍

Happy holidays!!!

think its tomorrow i am ringing a number see if i can ammit myself for next week

I relate to this very much because when I was 12, I definitely had an eating disorder, eating 400kcal a day but I never got that underweight and because I stateed losing weight healthily nobody suspected. It was also because u had a wide frame so nobody knew my ribs were visible. My mum kept in trying to get me to eat and started making me bake but I never ate the food I baked until one day and I progressively developed a binge eating disorder and then got normal but unhealthy diet back. I'm 14 now and I have been wanting to get back to my underweight state for a year now and I have started decreasing my calories again. I've sadly had dark thoughts and struggle with self harm(but I haven done it a few weeks now) so i sometimes dont even get scared by the idea that its life threatening.

ive been told i have an eating disorder and the reasearch ive done tells me my bmi 2 weeks ago was 15 and ive notist weight loss today me and my dad just had a huge argument and he said some things to me that hurt me alot then came back 5 mins later trying to appolagise i dont think he meant it think he just came to say it a he dont want people knowing what he said to me he tryed hugging me but i felt really uncomfitable with that any tips i ware multipul layers of over size thick cloths

Hello I have a question! I am currently on an eating disorder recovery and I really wanting to glow up so I wanna eat healthy u know and exercise (not for losing weight) but improving my skin and improving my physical appearance so is it ok or not?

Love this <3 thank you for sharing Emily!

Thank thank thank you for sharing your experiences with us, you are so helpful and motivating 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and also I love your hair

I love ur hair so much!! Ur gorgeous xx

I love how you put this in words that describes the illness so well! I recognize so much from my own thoughts with this ♥︎

Mine started with my obsession of eating disorders. My family made a lot of comments telling me I was looking big and needed to lose weight. I was so hurt that I wanted to look sick just so no one would ever say anything again. I thought I had control of it. Almost like I was faking anorexia. Until I realized that I wasn’t in control anymore and couldn’t stop. I realized I was using it to cope and to feel like I had something to control and that it was no longer “an act”.

😅

So nice to see u post again :)), love seeing ur videos, they’re so honest and humble and just nice to watch xx

When u said u just wanted to receive the weight loss aspect of anorexia I couldn’t have related any more

I feel more normal and not alone after watching this

Delicious! I don't own a blender but I REALLY want to get one so I can make my own smoothies/bowls at home!

That Smoothie bowl looks so lushhh

Awww I am so happy for you that you found a Job I Hope it helps you and is fun ❤❤

heyy great video! just wondering, do you consider yourself to be fully recovered from your eating disorder now? x

The smoothie bowl thing in the beginning looks so pretty ^^

What is the recipe of the homemade chocolate spread?

You looked so nice in ya make up and outfit :)

you’re so pretty !! omg 🥺😩

Love your makeup 😍 could you maybe do a tutorial?

Love your nails Wish I was able to do my own!

Love the outfit

for me,the most amazing thing about recovery is, when I go to a café or a restaurant, sometimes I don't know what to pick becausethere are a lot of options. Because I can choose whatever I want, and that is amazing.

Love this 🌟🌟