Intense, disturbing, no way. It’s predictable, that in a fight to the death, we know who will die, if anyone. The rules of the game change, I assume just for the movies, to get a rating.

The kiss of death for me is one word…”Disney”. It has been for years.

this video was worth it just to hear all those celebrities begging him to go see it

kermode saying fred the movie is cursed

The last 10 seconds of this video is wild

That's basically what the phantom menace was Muppets In Space.

The film accurately reminds you, if you need reminding, what it's like to have your mind hijacked by somebody's body.

If Yamaha keyboards had a stock sound effect key marked "Black Woman" it would be this noise 5:01

I didn’t like the film, but it wasn’t sleazy, art-house porn but more just clunky - possibly deliberately so, but you could see the low budget - the lack of exteriors, the cheap backdrops and the bad make-up and the cutaways to avoid showing the violence. Both the cinematography and the acting were flat and lifeless and I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter if that was deliberate or not - it was just badly done. A bit depressing, overall.

kermode's rants are so entertaining

One of the most ridiculous, condescending, smug film reviews I have ever watched. Clearly it was way way way above your pay scale.

What was the PM's statement?

I remember seeing it in cinemas as a 10 year old kid and saw it in 3D as a 23 year old and still thought it was ok in 3D

An absolute gem of a movie

Every time I hear the bleep after being told he is on Mars in the quote, I imagine he’s Birdsonging like crazy 😂

Girl: "I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life?" Simon: "Let's hope so". For anyone who ever doubts Simon's importance to these reviews, his timing and deadpan delivery makes comments like this sparkle.

Ben Stiller played Adam Sandler very well in Tropic Thunder. You might say he went full r~tard.

Dexter Fletcher has always been a solid heavy mustang

Disney: "It's imperative that that the true name of the planet in John Carter is kept a secret from the audience until they watch the film for themselves in order to maintain the mystery behind the story." Kermode: "John Carter OF MARS!!"

Michael fassbender is what kermode thinks he looks like

It made 100 million lmao

I've not seen Tiny Furniture for quite a while, but remember finding it funny. The thing is, Mark Kermode is extremely cerebral and simply doesn't like (or get) what he calls "quirky" humour. It actually irritates him. He doesn't even like Scorsese's 'After Hours', or Miranda July's films. He does think 'Independence Day' is hilarious however, so his opinion on humour isn't worth anything to me.

2 was good too. Not as good as the first but still entertaining. 3 I have trouble even remembering anything from it. Just the one ubiquitous kids sing along..

John Carpenter of Mars sounds cooler. Now that would be a Thing.

I often come back to these rants when I'm a bit gloomy. They pick me up. I miss this show (Although the new take is quite good).

At 2:51 I honestly thought it was a Mark Kermode impression because the background music abruptly cut out yet the dialogue still remained. It sounded a lot clearer as if recorded in a studio. Did they really bother to cut out the background music just so they could play the clip for a bit longer?

2:39 That Ki Adi Mundi line makes him sound like such a troll. LMAO

The Phantom Menace=The Tax Policy Creator

I'm quite certain even the press notes' review was funnier than the movie itself.

Big mommas is a masterpiece.

"we both knew what had happened" "nothing"

The film’s well acted, well characterised, well directed, stylish, very funny & is A heart warming comedy film. (81%) (4/5 stars) (positive)

The film’s very stylish, well scored, action packed & intriguing, however the film’s poorly acted, poorly written, poorly directed & is lifeless. (52%) (2.5/5 stars) (mixed)

The film maybe long & underwritten, however the film’s well acted, stylish, well directed & A heart warming romantic dramedy. (69%) (3.5/5 stars) (positive)

The film’s well acted, well directed, stylish, intense & realistic as the film’s themes of analytical psychology is very well presented. (82%) (4/5 stars) (positive)

When dvd of the week was a brand new and exciting feature 🤣

The film’s stylish, action packed, well scored & has some good acting, however some of the acting is dull & excessive, the film’ script is poor as the film becomes unfocused & long. (56%) (3/5 stars) (mixed)

The film’s well casted, well acted, stylish & well scored, however the film’s poorly directed, poorly written & the lack of originality & lack of focus is poor. (58%) (3/5 stars) (mixed)

The film’s poorly acted, poorly written, poorly directed, unfocused & is an unoriginal science fiction survival film. (16%) (1/5 stars) (negative)

The film has terrific acting, however the film’s poorly directed, poorly written, unfocused, not funny & is A ripoff from Lethal Weapon (1987). (26%) (1.5/5 stars) (negative)

The film maybe unfocused & slow, however the film’s well acted, well directed, stylish & A shockingly realistic crime thriller. (76%) (4/5 stars) (positive)

The film maybe well acted, however the film’s A slow, unfocused, poorly written & A poorly directed period film. (26%) (1.5/5 stars) (negative)

The film is poorly acted, unoriginal, poorly directed, poorly written, quite lifeless & is an unnecessary sequel. (20%) (1/5 stars) (negative)

Leading actor Elizabeth Olsen delivers one of her best roles in this scarily realistic thriller that focuses well on its story, writing, characters & cult themes. (92%) (4.5/5 stars) (positive)

Whilst the film could be longer & better written, the film is still A well acted, realistic, funny & well directed comedy drama. (75%) (4/5 stars) (positive)

The film’s issues are its length & lack of storytelling, however the film’s still an emotional, well crafted, well acted, well scored & stylish. (78%) (4/5 stars) (positive)

The film is strongly intriguing, action packed, stylish, effective & is better then The Divergent (2014-2016) series & The Maze Runner (2014, 2015 & 2018) series. (90%) (4.5/5 stars) (positive)

The film is like The Exorcist (1973) & The Blair Witch Project (1999) put together but made into one of the worst films made. (0%) (0/5 stars) (negative)

Director Dexter Fletcher’s directorial debut is strongly realistic, well acted, very stylish & is well directed. (94%) (4.5/5 stars) (positive)

The film is well casted, well acted, stylish, direction & well written teen action comedy film that focuses well on its story, humour & characters. (84%) (4/5 stars) (positive)