Thank you!

Quiet BPD exists. I wouldn't compare the two. All you can do- invest less, spend less time, work to limit the ways you rely on them. Add in healthy supports; even a virtual group support meetup once a week helps. Commit to self care, and learning about healthy communication. Learn how to be an emotionally safe person, and then you will find others. Before we learn, we do not realize the red flags we wave. Kristen Neff's work and Marshall Rosenberg's work will both be helpful. Eventually, you will need to shift focus off them, their behaviors, their bullshit, how to get through to them, and direct that attention onto yourself. All we can control is our actual self.

@@PaigeSquared Thank you. I've just started hearing about quiet BPD. I will look it up.

@@t_nels the second question- how to know when you're in danger. It is when they require a sense of superiority to be okay in relationships, this means they place their ego above everything and everyone else, so they would never "submit" to a value like truth, when it would be disadvantageous to them. But that can be tricky, they know to hide it. Look up DARVO, Freyd is the primary researcher on it. As far as I can tell, if a person is willing to use DARVO when they are called out, just walk away. However, I grew up in a home where that was used, and when I learned about it, I cried because I realized I had inflicted that pain onto others. And I never did it again. A person who wants to use DARVO will continue to use it even after they're given a chance to alter the behavior. I have called it out with the additional warning that i cannot have relationships with people who use it, and they just could not stop. The immediate comfort of the ego will always be the priority. Can't work with someone like that. I have been in violent situations because I was raised to believe that this sort of behavior is normal; I have a narc parent. That is very common, when we find ourselves in romantic relationships with someone who is covert, often there was a parent who was also covert. That tip might save you a decade of pain.

Agreed, It's critical to sift through all of it. ❤️‍🩹

Thank you!

You are so welcome!

There are well-trained counselors out there, but unfortunately you really have to do some research, whether you're seeking assistance for a character-impaired individual, or looking for support as a survivor of a relationship with such a person. The best bet is a seasoned, advanced level practitioner who can demonstrate both experience working with such things and can also clearly demonstrate familiarity with and adherence to the appropriate methods.

Glad it was helpful!

Also my experience ...

You wouldn't have been shocked, if we hadn't shortened the word "conman". Confidence Man.

The hardest thing to grieve is the loss of your investment - investment that appeared to be yielding dividends for a while. Time now to invest time and energy where you're certain to get a fair return: yourself.

My pleasure!

Actually, what you say about yourself fits in quite well with what I'm saying, although that probably wouldn't be crystal clear in the absence of familiarity with all my writings on the subject. Affection and genuine love are not the same. It's nice when affection accompanies love. But it's a mistake to equate affection with love. The positive regard and well-wishing you have for both people and pets is the "real deal" and substance of love. The fact that you can more readily demonstrate affection to animals most likely has to do with aspects of your makeup and/or your history that make it safer, easier, more satisfying, etc. to combine your love with affection when it comes to the animals. Love is love. Affection is affection. The real sadness of our time is that love's true identity escapes many of us and all to many of us "fall for" its many imposters and/or close relatives, which is how we get ourselves into relationships that sometimes turn out toxic.

@@georgeksimon I'm touched to tears now. I thought there was something really wrong with me. I had a traumatic childhood, I'm so glad you defined love and affection for me. I'm not all angel, you know. I still have 2 really bad neighbours, and oftentimes I wanted them to go to hell. But now, after 14 years, I see how she gets herself into wars with everybody, she recently barked up the wrong tree and she is in trouble now. I felt a stirring of protective feelings towars her, for the first time in 14 years. Time is amazing, when we see how toxic people end up, you don't need to be angry with them anymore, slowly I'm starting to feel pity. Love thy enemy has taken on a whole new meaning for me also, with your love/affection explanation. Thanks heaps!

Thank you for the very kind words.

Thank you for such kind words.

Being one less character-impaired person in the world is itself quite meritorious, and more potentially influential than you might think. Keep your focus there!

@@georgeksimon thanks George and God bless you

Beautiful!

Thank you for such kind words.