This is so true. Thank you all for the video. My daughter has been on Methadone for 15 years, and I believe she is taking street drugs now too. She lives in her car and sometimes gets a cockroach room. She has a home to come to, but she chooses drugs instead. She gave up her 2 children for adoption a while back. I was not able to take care of them because I was an 18-wheeler OTR truck driver. I had her go through a church program which only lasted 3 months and she took off running, got back on Methadone after being clean through cold detox. The Methadone clinic got her back on the same amount she was on before she detoxed (80 mg). I do not understand the Methadone clinics, they are supposed to get you off the Methadone slowly, but this clinic is pushing her to go higher and higher. Can't someone do something about that legally? Anyways, today I texted her to not call me anymore because it hurts me too much to talk to her and knowing she is dying. She texted back "Goodbye and my first name", not mama, like she usually calls me. I paid so much for her in her life, gave her furniture, cars, everything a mother does. She looks like a rat in her face. Her eyes are pulled into her head, her bones are sticking out of her face and body. It just hurts so very much to see your baby die. I will have to let her go now. Also, there are not any institutions who take patients into detox or rehab without money nor insurance. That is a huge problem here in the USA.

And how does an addict with a broken out face and bad health get a job or even get hired? I’ve been in this for 2-years and this is a mess. I’ve put down boundaries and he just runs all over them, so now he is on the street. My health has been ruined from the Fentanyl that has been smoked in my house. I’m broke because of missing so much work and have no way of helping him… even if he comes to me and wants to change. I can barely take care of me. This is killing him and me and I’m literally dying going through this. I can’t afford professional counseling. 😢

Nar Anon family groups

i have yet to find someone to help me with a son who is an addict. I know I have enabled him to continue his behavior. He has two very young children. Don't see him seeking out help. I see him using avenues that claim to help but are avenues to continue to use.

Hi, and thank you for your love and support by sharing your knowledge. I have benefited so much from learning how to remove myself from a relationship where alcohol is more important than experiencing a healthy relationship. Thank you.

Thank you, Candice, for sharing your knowledge with us. This knowledge helped me leave a 10 ten year relationship where alcohol is more important than experiencing a healthy relationship. It was not easy to remove myself from the home, but I know I now feel much better knowing I don't have to drag a bag full of dead weight anymore. God help her and me.

How many successful cases did you know , I almost give up after 15 years of suffering with my son

Thank you!!

Do you deal with sex and emotional abuse addiction?

One point I want to challenge. I believe that diabetes number 2 is actually a form of side effect from processed food addiction, which can be stopped (unlike cancer). There is a thing, such as junk food addiction. Processed, carb- loaded, industrially produced foods are a substance that some people cannot stop overconsuming in spite of destroying their health or dying. If a person constantly eats white bread and sweets and continues to eat so EVEN after they become completely immobile due to morbid obesity or after their legs get amputated due to diabetes, how is that not an addiction? It is an addiction that is often fatal. The only difference is that the substance of their addiction is legal and socially promoted since childhood.

Candice what do you say to yourself so that you stop feeling shame and guilt when your in codependency recovery and gave them money for hygiene products while in treatment and decides he wants to leave treatment because he says he's stressed and tried to have him return it before getting on the bus to his hometown.i beat myself up and so angry and ends up drinking on the way

No we won’t do anything to help you. You used us after uncountable rehabs and put on your recovery hat and then deceived us. As an addict you’re a liar and a thief of our life. You steal our life and the lives of everyone around you. We don’t believe you anymore. You lied too long about everything.

But wth do you do ?! Just not call and try to get help ? She's surely Not gonna

I love your books, I learn a lot from your KZbin.before i don’t know how to set the healthy boundaries until I watch your show.

The most difficult thing to hear is that, just because the enabler stops enabling, does not mean that the addict will ‘hit bottom’ and ‘be ready’ to get into recovery. They may never be ready and some people have very low ‘bottoms’. We have to stop enabling any way., and mainly for our own sakes!

If someone has this problems also aking for the rent would push them...money for laundry..for meaks..etc

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Do you have an opinion on the SMART recovery model?

Thank you Candace, your videos are very helpful and refreshing.

Thank you for emphasizing free will. Everyone is equalized by the reality of making wise or unwise decisions.

You don't even have to give them money. My mum literally sends down a weeks shopping for my sister and her kids. The kids are the ones losing out because they're mum is off her head but sure they're still getting fed so nobody cares 😡

I left a comment on one of your videos a little over a year ago and told you that you inspired me to get my master's in addiction counseling. You replied and said you were flattered and to get ahold of you when it comes time for my practicum. I'm almost at that point. I'd like to specialize in telehealth/virtual counseling, like what you do. Is there any way that I can get ahold of you to discuss possible practicum or just ask questions in general about your career? I tried to find my old comment, so that you would see the original thread and it might spark your memory but it may have been on a different KZbin account than the one I'm using now. How can I get ahold of you?

The 12-step program helped me know. If I help someone do what they should be able to do for themselves, I help them grow weaker not stronger.

this is old and outdated, just not giving an addict money doesnt stop their addiction.. in fact it can increase negative multipliers, such as increased risk of OD, Hep C from using in worse locations etc

My father was a violent alcoholic,we had no relationship at all because i couldnt forgive his actions.

Yes you can stop the behaviour, but you can’t stop being an addict. The brain is changed forever, after 5 years sober and leaving my job as outreach worker to finish my high school after 23 years no school and make a plan to gain a career. This change was stressful and led to me dreaming about it almost everyday, stressors like a big change or even coming up to a clean date trigger what’s called post acute withdrawal or PAWS and it never fully leaves you, meaning you are an addict for life sober or not. When you stop using you aren’t deciding to stop being and addict, you are just deciding to stop using one day at a time. So the theory that an addict can stop being an addict, is wrong , it may seem that way because aren’t using right now. They will never be able to use moderately again, harm reduction doesn’t work for addicts. Science has proven addiction is not a choice, but I agree once sober I have the choice to not relapse, while in addiction I was powerless. The outreach work or harm reduction was enabling and not cool especially for myself as a recovering addict, my pal. Was to help people in recovery but my boss threw me in the wrong direction. Never enable an addict, my mom had to cut me off and I ended up on the street 4 times and I climbed my way out of my addiction. Enabling only varies the addict further and further in h the ground. The may never get it even if you cut them off but that’s not on you is it, it’s up to the addict to change on their own. Sorry for long comment, this subject is near and dear to me.

Thank you❤

How is it better to have them in the streets l?? I know someone who did that and they overdosed on the streets and died!

My addiction to him enables his addiction to drugs😮

Brilliant I need to get out of my comfort zone enabling him because of my loneliness of telling him no and not being manipulated

It's a choice until it hooks you physically

How can I get in contact with u?

As someone diagnosed with cannabis use disorder, I get mix feelings about these topics

Its really hard because in South Africa, there are so many who want to come out of addiction...but the rehabs are so expensive..it is not possible for them to go there..and the other that they say can help..of the state..you just go on long list..and if you look at just how our hospitals look, you can know...there is no help for that..its really sad...and there is hundreds of deallers who stand in the street with that rubich to young people..and mess up there lifes..

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My brother is an addict. I’ve lived with seeing and dealing with him for over 10 years. My mom constantly pushing him on to me. For years I haven’t realized what I was doing was enabling… Im done dealing with it.

Wow great topic and powerful testimonial, am sure she has helped so many . I didn't hear any mention of mental illnesses, which is a huge problem with any addiction. I myself am not a professional, nor have had any substance addiction, but I am personally being effected by it from a love one, so I know this first hand...yet no one seems to address it, on other sites as well 🤔

Yeah "it keeps everybody stuck" it does "take a choice" thank you for talking about this. "Keep going" yeah... Yes I needed to hear this I do still love the addict it is so hard to watch a sibling go through it all. I love the compassion in your talk with the boundaries.

I came from a family that drank no alcohol, period. I understand it does not prevent anyone from finding an addiction, but the family gatherings were (and still are) civilized.

Thanks, Candace, and host. If one never has alcohol in their home, the addict can not get a foothold and root in your holidays and events. Every sober space is a win for family and friends of addicted ones.

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My addict is not using because he has no money but is video gaming. He experienced mental illness and had injuries due to his lifestyle. He’s been with me for a year and has not done any recovery. He may also have ADHD.

Candace, I love how you light up when you’re sharing your passion! Great interview, KC :D

My child’s father is in prison for breaking an injunction turning up drunk at our home. Would it be helping or enabling to send him an encouragement message so he finds himself a rehab on release? Or can only he learn to find that self respect to stop looping in the legal system?

It still keeps happening over and over. Mine has very bad adhd and that is something that is not controlled. The two together seem impossible to control.

Great video but a lot of WiFi issues

Thank you!

So very relieved to hear the word “choice”. I have believed this forever. I’m not on my first rodeo. My other just changed substances. Drugs alcohol inter mixed. Putting it all on the line. Not willing to continue riding this roller coaster and watch my other slowly disintegrate. It is stealing my life also. Have to admit I am angry to have to go to alanon but I realize there is information to be learned. So I put it out there which I must admit is not a difficult endeavor for me to do, drew my line in the sand. I do not accept the responsibility of another’s chosen actions. Maybe we will make it maybe we won’t. My heart is so very heavy.

We should consider the possibility of a dysfunctional family having an addict self-medicate in order to escape from emotional abuse from within the family. Ideas put out here, such as the generalization that enablers are people pleasers and addicts are rageful, can be counter-productive to reaching a solution and can even perpetuate existing abuse. Another toxic idea is that: everyone an addict interacts with is a victim of the addict. Families can say this to make the addict feel guilty and worthless, even if it is not true. They can claim that they have been victimized the whole time. Gaslighting and scapegoating. And the third toxic idea put out here: to make an addict live in an uncomfortable situation until they hit rock bottom or seek treatment. Families can say this to justify their perpetual abuse to the perpetual addict. The family scapegoat. However, at 13:04 : "And we develop a program for your particular family, for your particular need. This isn’t a cookie cutter kind of thing where we follow the same steps for every family, it’s not like that" Oh, you should have started with that!