… damn, son. That’s rough.

Don’t praise a narc Sam is evil and a budddy through his videos he’s obtaining fuel from them

My parents and my husband’s parents were in loyal but loveless marriages. Now I am in a loyal and loveless marriage. We are roommates. We live separate lives. We parent and pay the bills. I keep telling myself that I will be free once my son is grown and out of the house. Now I see how my mom felt. It’s not love, it’s a business arrangement. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. Be careful who you choose to share your life with. I had no idea this was the life I chose.

Compassion is born when Love meets fear!

Aceyalone - The Hunt

Everything you say is completely correct. In fact it is a severe understatement. In fact it is so much worse as it can extend into future generations and beyond. In extreme cases there is no limit to how bad it can get.

I had many panic attacks

Yep . I was burning up all over my body.. and i felt like i was in my exs' skin .. most horrible experience ever .

Liked the insight on therapy provided in this video. Based on what was shared it seems most beneficial of the client is open, honest, provides full disclosure (i.e. avoids withholding all relevant info), talks about the painful stuff, etc. What does or could a successful therapy outcome look like in general? Is it to be expected that clients may experience some painful truth and discussions in order for real healing and growth to occur? How much of the outcome is dependent on the client's willingness to get and do better? I realize that real and lasting change must be worked on long after the last therapy session however is 'the magic' due to new insight and/or increased awareness of crucial thongs/behaviors that were either present or missing that can now be added or replaced to the betterment of the relationship(s)?

This has been here a while but resonates with me. I had one actually rape me as a way to force control on me. Ruined my life. I was always busy. Never heard of the word “narcissist” before. How are you doing brother? The number of narcissists in the world today is closer to 80%.

The video, like others I have recently watched on the channel, is beneficial. But many have children, are single parents, no relatives able or willing to help financially and may even do their best to institutionalize you and have your children remanded to the state at a sign of weakness, never mind shattering. Those dealing with narc family system dynamics often can’t apply simple logic to create solutions while mired in dysfunction. Maybe it’s my people, but I don’t know many people who can turn their to even an intimate relative to cut a $16,000 check. I am not trying to be negative, I just truly don’t. Who takes care of the kids if we take an extended break and head off to a treatment center (even if we need it)? Heck, many moms are happy to toilet and shower without interruption. Many would likely love to access the premium treatment options you mention. Unfortunately, their reality makes it cost prohibitive. An inability to access such services could be true with a person having exhausted their personal network and resources. Thanks for the more accessible suggestions you touched on, though. I like the idea of creating a therapeutic program of your own, in conjunction with as much professional and personal healing support as possible. Every bit helps.

It's a rude awakening when you realize how much "easier" it can "feel" when your own brain goes into denial. Even if you don't know you're doing it. ....Especially if you dont know youre doing it. When my ex used to fervently deny questions or confrontations with utmost careful precision & conviction...I finally realized(a long time later after the grand finale) .....denial is denial. It just looks different depending on which side you're on. But BOTH methods of denial are just a means to protect your own self from harm, injury or trauma. Of course the less aggressive form is when you're only hurting yourself by staying in denial.....and the real offense comes from someone doing that same thing while ALSO deliberately violating another person's body, mind or spirit. When I realized that I, myself had partaken in some forms of denial(how could I HAD EVER THOUGHT that a past serial cheater who also cunningly lied to me for the first 6 months of our relationship about the fact that he had obnoxiously cheated on his ex.....could EVER CHANGE....was straight self-deception at it's finest🤦)....it's a big, tough pill to swallow. Makes you feel just as pathetic as the dehumanizing, conniving liar standing in front of you. However, amidst the phaze of selfhatred for even considering the fact that he WASN'T STILL lying to me.....i eventually got over my ego & pride for being so formidably deceived. I forgave myself for giving a person I thought I loved the benefit of the doubt(albeit very reluctantly, and not before combing through his life w a fine tooth lice comb & magnifying glass),....and I guess finally decided to give myself a pass on this one. My first experience with a sociopath. Covert Narcissist. Psychopath. I educated myself on these batshitcrazy poor excuses for a human soul and studied Cluster B types for almost 2 years as I healed. But the next person whom I get that queazy, dreadful feeling about,...when things may add up ALMOST but not quite,....when I notice my fight or flight response reving up for no apparent outward reason,.....or when my body starts feeling much older than it really is with noticably stronger aches & pains, overwhelming anxiety, rapid hair loss etc etc- ...now I'll know. Thanks for sharing. Its a struggle in itself to learn how the last X amount of years of your life were a smokescreen, where feelings & emotions were grandiosely mimicked, where the point of separation should had been clean, cut & dry.... instead were doused in Plausible Deniability, trauma bonds and Cognitive Dissonance.....but it's a whole next level of trauma when you get to that point when you realize & actually acknowledge that you *knew* all along. You did. At least on some level. You just didn't have your own back. You didn't trust your instincts. Or you hadnt quite yet wrapped your mind around how intuitive & perceptive you truly are. Boy,...was I pissed at myself for not listening to my gut sooner. I think what finally helped me come back full circle and forgive myself for allowing such sneaky, moral corruption into my life.....was learning that Abusers Aren't Abusive 100% of the time. And that theres a big difference between a good person who made a series of "bad judgement calls" then manipulates your empathy & relatability in order to not "be judged for mistakes in his past he can't change"..... and a pathological, conniving fraud who not only lies in the heat of his uncomfortable moment....but strategically sprinkles tidbits of information in other areas of your relationship in order to support his invalid narrative. Basically, the difference between a selfish lie told by a human being.......and an emotionally bankrupt & sadistic psychopath whos just blasted off in his make-believe spaceship for his daily trip around the sun in his alternative universe of denial...that you just happen to be a part of. They've been behaving this way for so long that it's second nature. They cant even tell the difference anymore between what's real and what's one of their "good guy" narratives they just spun up & perfectly molded in their own head anymore...all in the name of feverishly avoiding their ever-growing gaping shame pit. They believe their own lies....which in turn causes the emotionally healthy individual to eventually believe their lies. My therapist told me one day "Give yourself a break. The reason you couldn't wrap your mind around someone being so cruelly deceptive to another human being is because YOU would never do that."

I don’t think anyone can help me with the toxic shame I’ve lived through…it would take years to even explain my feelings…I’ve just been through to much.

😂 😂

❤

Right!!

I love watching Jerry Wise He taught me a lot!! 👏🏽❤️

...Dr. You are describing a dictator, not a parent. The model of a father you are conceptualising is fundamentally undeserving to be called stronger or a good person for anybody reading these comments here to identify with.

I WISH that dr.Andrew do a better service in this video by remodeling the language around this concept. I say this because if the goal is to be able to change the unhealthy dinamics in the relationship, using terms a "child" and" weaker" when talking to adults and using conflicting statements about the same persons who ' are there aupporing their spouses for many years and not picking up kids or take trash out ,it does not do a good service to that goal at all. In fact it peepetuates the problem that these kind of businesses are getting their clients from. I wonder are there more marriages being saved or permanently disolved after a significant time and money spent in ther practices,🤔

At 77 years old, I am coming to the end of my life without a lot of family. I wasn't aware of the Lost Child role until recently but it suits me well. I am the youngest of three brothers, the oldest is the Golden Child, the middle the Scapegoat, me the Lost Child, and my sister the Fixer. My narcissist mother and enabler father were from New York city. During WWII my mother partied while my father served, and she gave birth to my middle brother out of wedlock. My father decided to move to Houston, Texas, where he would start over. I imagine he gave mother an ultimatum, and she thought it over, before reluctantly moving to Houston with her two boys. She didn't like it in Texas - she didn't have social standing she was used to. So when she got pregnant with me, she hoped for a girl so she could be finished having babies. When I turned out to be a boy, I instantly became the Lost Child, while she went ahead trying to have a girl. Disappointed 2 years later with a miscarriage, she finally succeeded on her third try - but was already tired of caretaking, and neglected her latest - my sister - who became the family Fixer. Thank you for your precious stories of social outcast. I have experienced them, too, as recently as this morning. So it goes on and on. I am working to develop "self differentiation" (a term I borrow from Jerry Wise), but the Lost Child narrative is the key. I will return to this podcast often. Thank you.

I didn't have chest pains.. It was migraines

Im suprised I didn't see this video in 2016 the year I was fully awakened and lead to this channel 😮😅😊

Thank you.

Wow to say your mom left you a pile of stuff to over function- I can relate. My parents hoard so much that they leave a pile of mess and don’t know how to clean up after themselves

Your pet sounds like me snoring 🥱 hahaha

Mark ❣️ You made my day when said Fk yo Moma!! In my case its my two adult kids whom my family of Origin destroyed... I'm not going to share how many times I repeated that loud as I could lmao!!!

I found your channel when I was fully awakened in 2016....you were just what the Dr Jesus ordered Im still in the shadows watching your videos as a part of my continuous enlightenment and healing 😊

As a introvert I was right@ home single not interested in any mingling I purchased some plants to nurture loved time off of work as a workaholic.

A Criminal act is exactly what it is!

Where are you Sir? Hope you are doing well 😊 I miss you so much ❤️

To my shock I just unintentionally discovered that Mark passed away in February 2023. I learned so much from his videos and appreciated so much his honesty, vulnerability, candor and wisdom. His death is great loss in the therapy community. My condolences to his dear family, friends and associates 💔

The video is 8 years late for -I so believe u explain my situations. I thought I was a nut when I saw a partner eat my shit. Now I know why he ate it - he was out of his mind- they eat your sputum too- Iknow its hard to hear and unbelievable -its real people - some people have no one home - and evil things enter them - who eats shit? Satan thats who - snakes are the real bottom feeders - I have had to burrow through this my whole life - now i have some understanding THANKYOU FROM MY HEART- the heart that has not been eaten.

I was born the same way u were = but in a country hospital where they abuse pregnant women on purpose - the used baby is to be an empty vessel for satan (rosey baby). The Rosemary Baby Movie can enlighten you. -the empty child - is for satan to enter - a cult of crazy they want to talk to the dead relatives. So they sacrifice a baby - sounds like the story of people offering their children in the bible doesn't it - I believe the people who wrote the bible = in a round about way - explaining the human condition.

It’s not the grand finale ☝️ Watch out for the Hoover

Thank you. Very helpful examples. 🙏💕

I grew to be 6'5. I wonder about the few adults I was not able to completely hide from. Why didn't they say something. I feel an instant urge to help children. I'm not proud of how much I've gone back to my parents and I'm ashamed how I've still been cowardly towards them even as I've grown in awareness. Each failure seems to make it harder to not mirror some of that behavior.

Planning to call you wait until you hear my story, a VERY evil male one

My ex is so evil

The Most High is the only one who will never abandon you. That is the true cure. Don't look for him in church or religion. He is everywhere

i definitely understand the awkwardness and the unease. of your parents same here lols. and the checking of a box compared with being present. doing the things without being there its like mirroring tho only in mental health way as in mental mirroring vs physical mirroring. for me i was home school to grade 10 and yeah first day of school was somthing lols. and like all the things i was supposed to have learned vs what i was needing to learn. all those years of lonelyness and isolation and even when i did go to school no investment i remeber in like grade 1 or kindegarden. they had a book fair at my school and of course had no money to buy a book. not that our family didnt have the money it was just no investment. and also wanting to dance with popular kids vs fucking basically without idk romance without any realness. i do understand the isolation and going back to it cus self differentiation just feels too painful rn.

Narcissism belongs to witchcraft.

Im 70 now but my mother made me clean the floor and clean the brasses i used to lose myself fantasising i was in service in a big mansion

We should be able to sue these people for what they’ve done to us- mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, and r@ping our souls

Steve jobs is a bramacharya

Disgusting. CHEATING is cancer to marriage. But instead you're telling people who didn't sign up for the harm they're dealt, who are usually being emotionally manipulated in some way to include already blaming themselves more than necessary to think they *deserve* the treatment they receive, that they absolutely do. Please retire and never talk to another woman again as long as you live. This is such horrendous advice. Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.

You are a very good person and I thank you for your support!🙏🏼Even if you made this video several years ago, it is so up to date for people who are suffering and/or healing👍🏻🙋🏻‍♂️

My narc dad "pretends" to listen, his girlfriend makes an excuse for him "He's always been that way, he won't change" Both of them expect me to put up, shut up and not bring up any problems. This girlfriend's "excuse" doesn't let him off the hook with me.

The first delusion of mine that was broken by a narc was all people are good if not they can be healed by time.

...I just discovered that the Oedipal mother takes care of her son (usually son by mother = the Devouring mother....) in such a way, so that he will not leave her (over functioning from the mother, leaving the son less or unable to care for himself), she does not teach him skills for life, so that he will not leave her.....;;; LIST of dysfunctional patterns from minute 3:30...... + from 8:00 ........ + Observational blindness .... including: choosing family of origin over spouse and/or children...., roles, punishments, .....

.... unhealthy families - cult-like.... eat their own emotionally .... can be very unsafe places for children....-- by creating pain and dysfunctional patterns and dynamics and that gets passed on to the next generation... (including emotional shut-offs, emotional cut-offs, lack of communication....).....- it damages the SELF..... - feelings of being eaten up inside...... ..;;; LIST of dysfunctional patterns from minute 3:30 .... + from 8:00 ........ + Observational blindness .... ;;; ....I just discovered that the Oedipal mother takes care of her son (usually son by mother) in such a way, so that he will not leave her (over functioning by the mother toward child), she does not teach him skills for life, so that he will need her and therefore not leave like a healthy adult would.....