All this disorder is is you realising that everything’s a bit the same and repeated and once this gets realised you shift to pattern recognition away from linear modes of thinking. More evasion than a will to power. It’s a coping mechanism for the ego

Thank you! I’m just figuring this all out late in life and relate with a lot of what you said. Would be nice if you were still on KZbin. I like how you talk it through which is exactly where I’m at right now. Great video

I'm right there with you brother! Aphantasia and SDAM.

Today is Saturday june 1🇨🇵🗼.I knew I have Aphantesia the same day I discovered this word exists and having this particularity as we say in french on: Friday may 24 2024,last week , on the podcast of David Eagleman. Unlimited thanks to him for life. I was like Ed Catmull the guess if the show when he knew he had it too. In Paris 🗼🇨🇵 my hometown I found myself being among a tiny group ok humanity. It was a special feeling . I googled all the week and found amazing descriptions of Aphantasia. I was disgusted finding people making money because they simply have this particularity and created a pseudo community around this topic.Hope your book is available and I am willing to help for free in french if needed for my fellow citizen and french speakers worldwide. Hope people holding this particularity use it to thrive like I did whithout knowing I had it too. I was born in Dakar went to school learned french,graduated University in Grenoble🇨🇵 speaking spanish learning arabic and hebrew all of this being an orphan at age 8. Life force is special and always willing to help the body in which it is. Call it God, Hashem, Allah, Buddha, Nature , Tao.... Be strong.Beeing among 1% of mankind is a gift. Merci from Paris my hometown town 🗼🇨🇵.

Amanda in the channel “ I am mind blind” talks about this. She says it’s like have a book with the index, but all the chapters are empty. I think there are different grades of SDAM.

Me too, to both aphantasia and sdam. No time stamps. No memories its strange and confusing to explain. Id have to write everything i did down to remember what i did that day. One time, i had to explain event's at court and of course i didnt win because i didnt remember exact details and in order.

I just found out I have both of these along with autism and adhd. Will be 65 soon. I feel what you feel but never had words for it. Thank you for your video. ❤

I had 1 nigth of not having it , thats how i finded out. Is this imagination? !

I can't believe that I can still find something new about aphantasia STILL after all these years...the way @chrisophBackhaus below described your Harry Potter analogy (bc no offense, you had me a bit lost haha) but they say that the way non-aphants "can use their memories to [fend off /defend] bad experiences like using the Petronas" now I see what you mean...and OMGGGGGG that pisses me off. That is a literal tool that I not only don't have and have never had, but that I didn't know people were using this whole time while I wasn't. It's as if that tool, that Petronas, is invisible to me...wow...unfair...but if it ain't one thing it would be a-...-nother, so 🤷‍♂

When i would doodle in school it would be a lot of stars and smily faces drawn a very specific way (i just found out I have aphantasia through a separate uoutube video) very fascinating

I think we do store the memories at the time but we cannot access them, and certainly not in connection with the emotions. It’s they’re in a vault and we don’t have the passcode. I was in therapy for years and I’m sure I was a puzzle to my therapist.

Thank you for making this. 🖤 I have this as well.

I have hyperphantasia. I don't consider it better or worse. Traumatic memories can be much more vivid and I get stuck in rumination and I'm not present in the moment at all. Completely lost in the past. I can get lost in the future. I can fast-forward and rewind somewhat and play out my actions in my head in order to figure out a process, but I can also become a perfectionist and not take the physical first step. It can be like a drug, too. If I am in deep focus I can lose an entire day to a special interest if I have the freedom to be fully immersed.

I find the date of any memory is extremely unimportant. If you ask what did you do in July, I won't know. The summer is hot. July is in the summer. So I have memories of going to a park, for example, and it being hot. I might say "that might have been July". But honestly, I don't care. My husband is the same way. We don't think of our wedding anniversary except when Google calendar reminds us.

Thank you for posting this video. I can relate to what you are saying perfectly. I have often felt frustrated with the constraints people put on conceptual thinking. I find solutions that are “outside the box” thing is, I don’t see a box.

I've just found out I'm, 5Aph/SDAM and for years have said that I'm terrible of remebering when in time certain things happen. its just a wild thing to find out, that there are others out there that completely understand what I feel!

I only time in general. Like I know that I went fishing with my dad as a teenager. But U don’t remember a single episode it or remember it in general facts like I remember we caught a clam. I don’t know what years I went in. Or how many times. Or even remember the what the lake looked like.

I don’t have aphantasia and my drawings are pretty similar to yours.

I have Total Aphantasia, SDAM, and face blind, I am 44 now and I got mine from brain damage as a child, I can't remember my entire life, I can't remember my family or friends. Everyday I can best describe is I just exist, I wake up just knowing everything but having zero knowledge of the experiences. I get to quickly relearn experiences as they happen, like what hot and cold feel like but at most it lasts for 5 minutes before I forget it again. For me time is fluidic, it lacks any meaning for me. I just exist in the here and now, and by tomorrow I will forget I even wrote this and will end up look at it like a stranger will look at it.

My memory is sort of like this but portions are different like I can’t remember years but do remember in relation to sort of like non visual bullet points.

To Alan's family, I'm sorry for your loss. Even though he is not with us, I still feel the need to comment, as these videos are so helpful for me. Thank you to him for taking the time to make these videos. 💕

Interesting that you are left handed. The right hemisphere controls the left side of the body and vice versa. The different brain hemispheres have different functions. Generally right brain is seen as more creative and left brain more language focused.

When is it out ?

I have similar problems with time, but I'm lucky to have an easy workaround - I'm a contractor, so if I can link an event to the contract I was working at the time, I can usually tie it to a 6-18mth window

My recall of timing of events is very good so I've never questioned if I'm "normal", but I hook most memories to things like which job I was in at the time. The start and end years for jobs I remember, probably from writing them on my CV. I have aphantasia. Again, my mind worked well enough that I never questioned it until I read about other people online a few years ago.

Since I realized I have SDAM, one of the things I constantly have to remind myself is that the level of deduction I use constantly to mimic episodic memory is not how normal people operate. I can only logically piece together timelines while other people seem to be able to simply intuit them.

Time exists for me but I do not feel it. An example of this is that I am rarely bored. Time flies the way it exists to me.

57:00 I have aphantasia, but I have always excelled in school. The only area's I do struggle are things like biology where the education relies heavily upon the use of images. I either knew the information or I didn't. There was no last minute studying.

I have aphantasia. I also get immersed into a movie, and “forget” who I am. I am transported there, and since I feel feelings very intense, it’s very real. I can’t watch horror movies for the same reason. I can’t read novels though. I don’t get any image. I “know” what happens, but it’s so boooring and tedious.

Oh dear lord...yes..this..

I have this issue too. For instance I have a foot injury, the doc asks how long has it been hurting? Reasonable question. But I can't work back in my mind how long it's been hurting or other events that may have been going on when the injury happened. I can say I "feel" like it's probably been two weeks, but that's really just a guess. I have total aphantasia and SDAM.

omg THANK YOU!! I feel less crazy right now. Seriously thank you. How do I talk to you or contact you? I am (roughly) in my 3rd year after finding out I had aphantasia. After some time (and after the initial shock) I figured "well I've gone this long (40+ years) so aphantasia must not be affecting me that much". But then, as I observed people and became more aware of the way they were handling the things that happen in life (and through life), I kept noticing differences in their experience and in mine. Then I realized the biggest difference, which was that I was unable to project myself into some future situation. Like in terms of planning out my life and planning FOR my life. I never planned, didn't know people were, in a literal sense, choosing a goal and then taking steps, in a methodical order, to effectuate that goal. As mentally deficient as it may sound, I one hundred percent thought that "planning" was euphemistic, mostly because I had always done well in life, was very successful in both school and as a lawyer (note: I never wanted to be an attorney, it was the "family farm" but, despite numerous attempts, I could never escape it because I could never find something else to do as a career. Now I understand more the reasons why I couldn't...and it's essentially because I cannot imagine, and also because I believed that "forks in the road" were also euphemistic). But then I quit my job (because I hated it, just as I knew I would), and then I was again stuck as to what to do next. And now, external realities that I never understood and, well, society in general, which I perpetually fought, seem to make more sense. So as the pieces increasingly come together regarding my understanding of life and of people, the pieces of my life increasingly keep falling more apart. Then I asked a million people on Reddit if their aphantasia messes up their ability to have "aforethought" about their lives. Large majority said "No". Confused, I followed up with whether or not they could "imagine", just in general, and overwhelmingly aphants had no problem with imagining and could, on cue, come up with something and describe the details. One Redditor even wrote something like "Aphantasia is only the lack of ability to see/create visual imagery". Plain and simple, right? No, not for me, because I either am unable to imagine, in the moist general sense, or I have no imagination, however you want to say it. Further, I am unable to "think outside of the box", I mean, there have been numerous times where I have made processes more efficient or changed the way something worked, but those moments are only within the context of me being actively engaged in that task. Life you couldn't put me in a meeting and ask me to brainstorm ways to make something more efficient, it. just has to come to me organically. Further, I always believed that the way something is presented to me is the only way it is supposed to be. Like it never dawned on me that the shit I was taught in school is basically a game of telephone, or could have been intentionally manipulated. Easier example, the furniture in my living room is the way it is and that's the only way it should be. It wouldn't even cross my mind to switch it around...but before I was poor and had a cleaning person, she would always rearrange it and it would make my brain explode. And then within a day or two I had forgotten what the old setup looked like/felt like and this new way was the only way this living room should be, like, forever. And all of this is going on without me knowing what I am missing, I just thought it was dope that she could move shit around. Then I started thinking that if I can't picture/foresee/imagine a future then what about the past...that would have to be different because I've already experienced the/my past. Nope, not at all. I STILL cannot even tell you if the pandemic started in 2019 or 2020, even though it was like 3 years ago AND I've googled it so many times that it's like one of my top searches. So then I was stuck, because if Aphantasia isn't causing my inability to project or imagine into the future, see outside the box or my ability to remember when things occurred in my past, do I have ANOTHER CONDITION that causes those??? And then a Redditor told me she thought I had a problem with my autonoetic consciousness (I was like my whatttt), and that she had the same thing, but hers was caused from her SDAM. Never heard of it, but yes! Here's an organic "fork in the road" that I can go and research!! And this was the first video I watched about SDAM and OH MY GOD every word you said was like I was saying it. And I was only thinking about events that happened at some in my life...not the time aspect or chronology aspect!! That just blew my mind! I was engaged once but I have no idea when that was...I know it was after boyfriend number 1 and before boyfriend number 3 but I have no idea what the dates were. I have to chisel dates into the herd-headed piece of marble or granite that is my brain and then sculpt it into David in order to (a) remember the date an event occurred AND (b) be able to understand when, in my life, that event happened in a chronological sense (like so I can "sense" when it was). Actually, ironically, today someone asked me when my brother got married and I answered that question for the first time with an understanding of where on my life's time line it falls and in relation to. the like 7 other things on that timeline. And I was excited about knowing it (which was obvious, so the person who asked the question thought I was pretty odd, but most people do so it cool) because I had been working on this for a long time as I could never get it right or really even answer it. Anyway, he got married in 2009. Bang!! But then I realized that it literally took me 14 years to FINALLY be able to grasp the concept of WHEN my brother's wedding was. I always "knew" the date, but it didn't mean anything...it definitely didn't mean 14 years ago because that hit me like a ton of bricks said it out loud. Anyway, thank you. And like how do I get a hold of you like over email or whatever because, as you can see, I have a lot today and I neeeeeeed to talk people to get a grasp on this so I can move on with my life, which is in shambles after being on top of the world five minutes ago (or what seems to me to be like 5 minutes ago).

when my school asks me just visualize it i was like k? that does nothing its just words and stuff basically until i figured this out.

Creo q yo tengo

I find my inability to remember things vividly to be a huge plus. I have perfect access to the facts and important information, but I don't get carried away in emotional reactions while doing so. Nor can I really miss or long for something from the past. I'd love to be able to visualize pictures or scenes or create musical ideas in my head though

When you imagine something vividly like a memory, and you then have an emotional reaction, then that's your subconscious confusing imagination with reality. Because the subconscious doesn't differentiate between the two. And if memories are saved data, information, for problem solving and learning. Then why would we want to have an unconsciously induced emotional reaction everytime we look at saved information? It's a downside of imagination and a lack of ability to handle our own intellect. As aphantasiacs we're lucky tbh

Memories are the drugs you turn to when you can't handle reality. Don't feel bad guys, we're a step ahead in evolution. Or you can spend the rest of your lives thinking you're lacking and trying to feel emotions that are completely irrelevant to actual reality. Normal isn't always good or natural. Growth happens by using information from past experiences, not by clinging to past experiences and reliving them constantly.

This is how I use google maps. I know from A, it’s about NW to get to B, so I travel across roads, with that general idea of North West in mind, without being aware of the specific avenues I took. That’s if it’s a new route, if it’s a route I travel, I just intuitively know, despite not really thinking about the details. I think we are good at experience based learning as you’ve said in another video, we gain a sense of things pretty well by doing them, I’m also good at music improv for a similar reason I think.

I have aphantasia and sdam too. It sucks :( especially having kids I have so many gaps i can't remeber their births or important days. I cant remeber my wedding day.

I have recently discovered that I have Aphantasia. It has blown my mind. It took 53 years to discover this. Speaking of recalling sounds. I believe I remember descriptive words. I remember birds chirping is a short, sharp sound. That’s it! Just words. No sounds in my head.

I have aphantasia and SDAM. Can you message me the name of your Facebook group? I may already be in it but I'd like to join if not

Hello everyone, before I found out I had aphantasia , I tried to explain to my husband how my brain works this way ….: I live today and toward the future but I do not feel there is a past. Also with people it is a bit like out of side out of mind ( I need to make real efforts to stay connected, I need to look at pictures etc to be reminded of a relationship) can only be descriptive about emotional events without feeling the emotions but can be triggered by music ……hearing the song from my mothers funeral definitely triggers something in me but not so much memories of the event but more the feeling of missing her

It perfectly fits what I experience....

With regards to the question posed around 30:30 about whether we aphantasics might have a one-way street memory where we can store imagery but cannot recall it at will and if there’s a way to prove that… we’ll I’m 100% aphantasic when awake but have vivid dreams with friends and family that are unmistakeably recognizeable and clear. Obviously my brain has more than faceID-like maps stored… but I can’t access the images at will during the day

I've known for a long time that I was different in the fact that I couldn't picture things when everyone else could. The SDAM thing is all very new to me, I never really thought much about it,because as you state, my semantic memory is very good. I remember things in third person, never in first person. Also, my timelines have always been muddled and I never really understood why I had such a hard time remembering when something occurred especially when it was an important event.

Can so relate with it and the late R.I.P Alan Kendle. He is a brave and wonderful man.

My mom passed in 2015 I can’t remember her face her voice anything. I’ve also been disowned by my family and I desperately try to remember their faces and I can’t. I have no memories of my childhood or any of my life. My husband is a truck driver and I can’t even remember his face or voice when he’s gone. It’s so hard :(

Wait, what? There is supposed to be a time variable attached to memories? That is very interesting.

I feel like I have borderline aphantasia but not full on aphantasia. I don't have many memories but my visualization is almost non existent. I can just put together the description of something in my mind but I can't see it. It's hard to explain but learning that other people can visualize things as well as they can actually see blew my mind. The closest I've ever come to that is I could see blobs of colors, but no defined shapes or objects and only when I attempted meditation and really really tried to control my breathing and posture with my eyes closed. When you brought up the memory void of your dog, I know I used to have a dog but I can think I can visualize what she looked like? Idk this is interesting. Id say I have a very low visualization but I still see black? It's so hard to explain haha. But I did learn that most people seem to have a much better visualization component in their mind than my own.

I can't visualize but I can imagine, for instance, what ginger, orange and onions would taste like together.