The way he forgot about me

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New vid today btw

I really dont care if its to late but happy birthday dear bff!

I know its to late but i dont really care but merry Christmas

merry Christmas

It's good to see you but it's always good to have a break away from things if you need to. Laptop certainly makes the video more clearer than mobile. There is a closed caption option on KZbin that people can click on

I didn't know about the annafreud one. Thank you for sharing that.

Sleep is often the best medicine that the body needs and it certainly will take a while for your sleep pattern to adjust. Just remember that your doing well. I find with my mood journal even if I have a billion thoughts in my brain I can write them down fairly clearly. A technique I learnt is that I will pick what's a priority to worry about and go rate it from low to high if that makes any sense. I'm still educating myself in ways of distressing because I've a bad habit of fixating on one thought (depending on what it is) and just go over it a million times when that's not helpful so I'm teaching myself to break that habit, it's not going to be an overnight thing but as long as I keep working it I should (in theory) get better. Stay safe and stay well

Glad the new medication has started and the signs of improvement are showing. Take it slowly and carefully. Snuggle day sounds amazing, you're wee man will love that

I've been missing your videos. Glad that your doing ok but make sure that you take whatever time you need away to adjust to the new medication. Baby steps forward. You had a young 3 year old boy watching the video with Joseph in it with a smile on his face. I'll share something I learnt recently. Now I'm a mother of two I've found it easier and also harder to fight back against the doubts and the anxiety, to the point where I felt I was going insane and I was trapping myself in a vicious cycle. So I did the one thing my thoughts didn't want me to do, I talked to someone, I asked for help (which is the hardest thing to do) and that one person managed to bring me back down to a normal level and today I've been riding on a high because something positive happened. I've found if I can keep focused on the good things the quicker the bad thoughts seep away. Its not always that easy though. Stay safe

Happy Birthday Joseph.

Happy birthday Joseph, your a very cute and helpful boy. From Treenie

Cute 😍 happy birthday to your special wee dude

I'm going to have to come back and watch this later. Lots of emotions being stirred up. I will say though when I had counselling it made me realise just how strong a person I am and that my dad left a lot of unwanted stuff that I just coped with cause it was easier. I'm on the other side of all that. I had bereavement counselling over the phone when my gran died and it helped but it would have been better in person but through my own thoughts I managed to get there and also telling those thoughts to a friend really really helped. My husband went for counselling as well and even though he was finished quicker than me I feel like the counselling helped him with his own demons

Happy new year to you and your family. My self care is usually reading or writing, I find typing quite relaxing especially if I've got music on, I do draw on the odd occasion but it has to be mood orientated and I then spend about half an hour trying to figure out what I want to draw 🙈🤦‍♀️ i often go for a walk even if its to the shop for some milk. This year I'm most looking forward to bringing this new life into the world

Merry Christmas to you and your family

If I had known I suffered anxiety and ptsd things may have been different. I would perhaps have been more prepared. I can't say I felt numb but I felt like I needed a constant handhold and someone with me. The problems only kicked when I was alone. The "pull yourself together" comments didn't help one bit considering they came from people who had suffered the same issues and who's family had. I wrote down every feed every day for months! I was so sleep deprived for months. I would take turns with my partner to sleep as the other would stay awake and watch over our child as she slept. A health visitor asked what I thought was going to happen. Having had all the sids advice and warnings for months on leaflets, on posters in waiting rooms I thought it was pretty obvious. It was nearly 2 years before I could sleep through the night. I did reach out for help when I realised I had post natal depression a couple weeks in but sadly I was not given the help I needed. Things could have been so different.

This. I'm nearly sobbing my eyes out. This will be my second Christmas without my gran but I've just realised it will be the first Christmas without my husband's uncle Peter and I feel so rotten I've not thought about it till now. I feel guilty for not explaining enough to Harry recently but sometimes I feel like I don't have the energy. I feel like shutting down. The only thing keeping me somewhat sane is counting down till Santa and that's it. I feel like I don't won't to burden anyone including my husband with whatever hormones are raging through my body and mind, I know its unhelpful in the end. I've recently taken to writing more than usual in my mood journal and it seems to help but the thoughts always return without fail and it feels like I can't win. My mind is winning over my body I believe. Christmas is my favourite holiday and this year I literally feel so numb because I was hoping to get through to visit my mum but due to the virus I can't because she is vulnerable and so I am at this. Plus she lives quite far away, an hour to be exact from where I live. We (me and my husband) are not in a good way/relationship with his mum but that's due to personal reasons and plus she is highly vulnerable to the virus. Then there's my wee boy. I want to be excited for the holidays but I usually dread them because his speech delay either improves or gets worse which is really difficult as a parent dealing with depression and anxiety and also being heavily pregnant. Its not easy by a long mile. I really want this year to end on a high note but I'm so worried about the future for all of us and my friends. I wish you and your family the best this Christmas and I hope you all have a good day. I also hope you have a happy new year when it comes

100% percent relatable. My post natal journey was a bit different because I never knew until diagnosis that I had depression built up from the past during high school, etc. When my son was born I told about baby blues and I can't remember how old he was when I went to the gp about it and the nurse told me it was just baby blues. I knew it couldn't be. My husband only had two weeks of leave from work and then he was back to working. I was basically alone all day until he got home about 3pm. There was a lot of goings on at the time as well and I had to fight to prove myself but I felt numb generally 24/7 with him and at times I felt suicidal. I did go out but one day I just had no motivation to leave the house and I still to this day kick myself for doing that because it was the worst day for me and my son. There were times like you said about the cries they just seemed to blend into one thing but some maternal instinct knew what they meant. Doesn't mean to say it wasn't easy. I also felt that the more people who gave me advice which to them seemed good the more I lost myself and what I wanted to do as his mum. I didn't feel like a mum, I felt I was built with all this rubbish and I was slowly sinking under the weight. I remember my midwife disappeared because I never saw her much, I ahs a community midwife (I think that was her title) named Audrey and she was really helpful, she helped give me pointers on how to bathe my own child. My main point of contact after she left was my health visitor and as soon as mentioned about my feelings, etc, it came back high and also post natal. I was soon prescribed anti depressants. But my tongue blisters upon taken one tablet. I was breastfeeding at the time and I was super scared how much this would affect my growing boy. So I phoned the gp and told them what had happened. The prescribed me another anti depressant that was different from the last (im sure it was a higher dose) and same reaction as the first. Next day I was on the phone again and I remember sitting at the appointment with the nurse and she mentioned my options being medication from a different group or something else. I suggested, maybe even begged if I could get counselling and that pretty much saved my life. I felt I missed out on a lot with my son when I was going to the appointments and my husband was also in counselling for his own mental health and I always felt bad for leaving him with a friend or family member but he was ok. I always thought it was strange how certain people mention that they remember what age and word they said it at but I had to log everything in the red book but sometimes I forgot. I remember pieces but sometimes the details are hazy. I remember one time in the house my son was playing or whatever and my family nurse found his first tooth. The signs were there but mummy just didn't click and I was so happy. I loved the furniture walking stage even if it drove me batty but it was so cute to see this wee blonde dude cruising about. I remember that he crawled at 9 months old which I always thought was late in comparison to what others told me but I wonder now if that was another sign of a delay. I had no one offering me help during the day which is a bit pants and I felt I couldn't be far from my boy due to breastfeeding and even when my husband came home and I was shattered I felt greedy. Like I had to take everything on my shoulders but that was the sweet little lie the depression told me. I remember when my son was one week old. He took a growth spurt during the night and we had no idea what was wrong cause every hour on the hour he wanted a feed. It wasn't till the next day we got told about it. It felt like the world could have swallowed me whole. I remember one time. I need to apologise to my friend about this sometime (3 years late) when my friend came over with her wee boy and I was sat with my baby boy in my arms and her wee boy sat next to me even though there wasn't much space and even though it was a good I remember my friend asking me as I sat there with two kids "how did that feel" or something to that affect and I remember replying it was ok or something but in reality I felt completely utterly numb like a hollow tree. I felt nothing. Even for the baby sat in my arms. I felt like I was never good enough for anyone especially my son. He will be 3 and half in January next year and he is the happiest wee boy you'll ever meet, he's very caring and careful (when he's not over excited) and also extremely empathic, I remember him saying one time "mummy ok" and I told him no i wasn't ok. Post natal depression is hard. Sometimes I wish there was a time machine just so I could back to those early years and enjoy them more, even feel something other than numb and empty but I feel like over time I've made up for it in a sense but I still wish that maybe I could revist those moments that are a bit hazy.

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This made me very emotional. Not just as a mum but also as an expectant mum. With my first child, I never really thought pre natal was a thing and I felt most of my negative emotions and thoughts were related to hormones and stress at the time but looking back it was probably the stress that brought on the pre natal depression. Like you said I felt numb majority of the time and even when I saw the ripples in the bath as you described I did feel joyful but it was muted (if that makes sense). I felt at least 90% of the time I wasn't prepared or good enough for my first child to come into the world. I felt like a failure. It was only when after my son was born and got nowhere with the nurse that my health visitor got me assessed and the diagnosed with post natal depression. He's now 3 and the happiest wee boy ever despite everything. With my current pregnancy, I feel like I can't really express a lot of joy or happiness due to the Covid situation. I feel all my support has been stripped away and it's hard. I do get moments of happiness but I feel the pass quite quickly. Almost like snapshots. I feel happy when I go through the baby stuff and do some nesting but when I see it all there on the floor I feel really detached from it all. I feel like it's not real if that makes any sense. Yet I have a reminder every day it is very real. With this time round I'm thankful I have a mental health midwife I can phone when my mood really dips because I'm a high risk pregnancy due to mental health issues from the first and having that contact even on the phone had been a life changer and also saver. I'm grateful to them. I don't think there's a way to repay them for their help and I know they only listen on the phone but it still helps. I count myself lucky as not many people have that resource available but I will echo what you said. Get in touch with the midwife or health visitor and mention your feelings because they are valid.