My daughter is nearly 14 and in the last Yr she has nearly all the symptoms of pda n she is getting assessed for autism, it's been really bad in the last yr.

This has to be the most misleading, uninformed and incorrect seminar on PDA that I've ever listened to. I'm horrified that these two even had a platform to discuss something that they clearly know very little about. PDA has very little to do with intertia! Autistic/ADHD intertia yes, but it is NOT what PDA is. Most of this (no, all of it) has nothing to do with PDA. Leave the subject to those that know PDA, live with it and work with it. Listen to Kristy Forbes, look at PDA society, listen to Sally Cat - literally any one but these two.

❤ thank you for the opportunity

holy cow thanks for the words to express my brain

I honestly am too nice and have too much empathy to do the attack. I know its in me but I have gained control except for other villains'! I don't let out my dark passenger on children or those that love me at least 90 percent of the time. But I've learned to control how many demands are on my life. I Know difference of deliberate vs intentional and use my words to tell them knock it off.

3:44 I used to wonder whether I was cynical or even sociopathic. It turns out, I'm just practical and PDA. I actually do empathize, quite a lot. I just don't let it get in my way.

Ah, Harry! The man who explained to me who I am!

I've thanked you for this lecture before, shared it many many many times - especially with professionals. I wish I could see the Power Point that wasn't working. Can you share that with us?

I think he did a great job at explaining the instincts of PDA but I also don’t like that he frames all PDA’ers as hostile and always lashing out externally. If you have PDA but at the same time hyperempathy/sense of justice you will never allow yourself to lash out at others because you hate to be someone else’s problem. That person will internalize everything which takes the form of shutting down, seeing external demand as their own (“this this is something I SHOULD do. But why can’t I physically do it?”), and probably intellectualizing everything to try thinking your way into having the motivation to do said task.

My 4yo is sleeping next to me and I'd like to (but not going to) wake him.up ans hug him bc all the traits you deacribed are within him and he's been jokingly described to "either become.a lawyer or a bouncer" when he's grown bc he either bargains or just scolds us and tries to get his way with us. But then again there're SO many instances each day when he complies to live's and parents' demandes which visibly costs him so much effort. And I love him for trying to fit in and "be good". And he loves us for getting out of his way when his "troll persona" is at the helm. It'll be a good excercise for us parents not to have any expectations but to enjoy what his inherent motivation will give us.

This is an absolutely fantastic personal perspective of PDA. Thank you so much!

Simply Rhys ❤

When i force myself to follow through on demands i “can’t” do, i depersonalize and and go crazy basically. Very uncomfortable and dehumanizing

24:18 Re: intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, see Alfie Kohn's "No Contest".

This was brilliant Thankyou

Hi urgent question to anyone out there. Do you ALSO avoid demanding /asking things of others? This could be a missing piece in my jigsaw. Why I can be a rebel without a cause or even a clue.

I believe I have this. It is paralyzing sometimes.

This has helped so much to understand four generations of our family. Thank you!

7:46

Time stamps for myself 10:59 - social obsessions over topics 11:30 hyper vigilance in case there’s a demand 12:39 behaving in “psychopathic” ways 15:09 the emotional empathy goes away, explaining why i stop seeing people as people i love and care about, and i’m not myself anymore, using any means necessary to regain my sense of control … damn. yep. 17:45 feels as thought we didn’t do it. god damn. this explains so much of my life. 31:33 needing to actually experience why we can or can’t do something. my dad has complained about me being like this my whole life

"No mother, I prefer room service" lmaoooo I don't know how the audience didn't erupt into laughter there xD

This was magnificent, truly!! My son is autistic with a pda profile...this has been so helpful!!

LOL, so were basically Batman.

I always felt so bad "gathering" all the info, reading people and knowing how I can talk to them and "control" what not to bring up, how to manipulate the conversation so I don't end up being asked to do something, etc. Especially the times of breakdowns... I still feel bad, but in the end I can't stop because I HAVE to be vigilant. All this time I didn't even want to think because of all the "psychopath" stories, and how badly it's portrayed, and how even "manipulation" is always viewed as bad. Now I actually can see it as a part of me that just protects me. A fairy godmother I didn't really expect to work this way.

But he doesn't explain how to team up with the PDA. He just said you find success through doing it, and gives us dozens of methods that don't work. But never told us of a method that does. He just said team up with it so you're both saying yes

Yup, that's me. Took me more than 40 years to clock it. I wish I had that framework to understand my behaviour earlier, would've spared me a lot of grief.

This has to be one of best speeches of neurodivergence that I have heard. Why? Because it’s not about giving people a better understanding of neurodivergent conditions. It’s about giving people something far more meaningful than that . The speech is about the part of neurodivergence that gets forgotten. The part that Joe is so brilliantly able to engage his audience and share with them and that is the human side; What it is like to grow up and live in this world, when you are neurodivergent. Making this speech one of the best that I have heard.

Important to point out that if you've met one PDAer you've met one PDAer. I dispute the use of the word "we" here especially in the context of the "cuddly psychopath" theory - not all PDAers will employ these strategies, there are other strategies

Yes it is😊😊😊

This is so me, I'm 49 and finally on the list for an asd assessment, I've suspected for about 15 years and tried to get a referral for the last 7

22:45 I have learned to explain to my friends, that actively caring for me in one of these situations is a way of asking for my attention. And that it comes across as insensitive, and even rude. Some people just don't know how to be invisible, as an act of love or respect. I am really getting a lot out of this.

💯 relate. I bought the book for my parents and myself. I never thought that anyone could explain me.

Thank you.

Amazing. I'm now going own a rabbit hole for info on differences between PDA ers who are socialized female vs male and also late diagnosed. I believe the presentations can be significantly different.

Sorry, but I am really struggling to understand the point you are trying to make in this presentation. Basically, what you are saying is: "Unless the person who has a PDA is determining the agenda and controlling the choices and not having to comply with social expectations, their parents and everyone else around them should expect resistance and defiance". However, where does this leave the caregiver of a child who does not want to comply with demands that are essential for the safety and maintenance of their health? For example, how do you support a child who refuses to shower, brush their feet, wear a seatbelt, to take medicine for severe diabetes? Should you just let them go ahead and do whatever they want? What are you suggesting that should be done in such situations? In other words, in your presentation, you explained what a PDA is. However, you did not provide any clear guidance about what caregivers and parents should do to support children with PDA. Has any intervention been helpful to you? By the way, you did a very good job at complying with the demands and expectations related to being a speaker at this event, which tells me you have learned how to cope with demands throughout your development. Has anything helped in this process?

Hazel is an amazing person!

Holy crap!!! This is me to the T. This feels good and bad figuring this out.

Thank you for your talk. I’m just learning about PDA. Quiz results, my preference for control, and a history of resistance suggest I have some characteristics of PDA. I have lots of questions. May I share some thoughts? I am coming at this with ADHD, not autism, and Apathy Syndrome at age 70. Late in life, I am an advocate for mindful kindness and God’s lovingkindness. I’m guessing that the idea of trust in divine love and surrender to God’s will would be hard for someone with full-blown PDA, perhaps inconceivable. What’s helpful, what’s not? I have faith in divine blessing, that God’s lovingkindness guides and sustains all creation. Further, I feel invited to say Yes to God’s hope for humanity, that we embrace, embody, and express God’s lovingkindness. “Anchored in kindness, mindful kindness”, has given me a point of origin to come back to. I imagine IKANITAN as a system where love trumps fear and kindness counts, where the brain’s so-called negativity bias can be employed as a smoke alarm for our benefit and the greater good. Neuropsychologists and others would have to develop this. IKANITAN = an internal kind attention neural network guiding our internal threat alert neural network. Any reaction? As adopting a daily routine has eluded me, it would seem that kindness and surrender are not enough, or I haven’t consented enough. Dishes, laundry, clutter, lost items (laptop, current eyeglasses) - the nightmare never ends. Thank you for your kind attention.

It all makes sense now.

Man this gave me answers which I was looking for my whole life... I always thought why even if I love my gf soo much but when she asks me to do something I can never say yes but do that thing in slight difference that why for me I feel in control and make her somewhat happy also.😢

thank you, this was very helpful ❤

I found this video so informative! Thankyou so much for creating this <3

how can i get the powerpoint ?

WOW...i was right....my soooo has PDA. Im in Canada and I have mentioned it to his doctors and teachers and they looked at me like im crazy :( Im a single mom with no real support and he's 14 with 6 different diagnoses with autism being on. Do you ever come to Canada?! #pleasehelp

Speaker sounds Machiavellian

This video really resonated with me for my little one with ASD. Heard of PDA yesterday. Thank you so so much!!

PDA looks n sounds so closely related to Sociopothy. Its the manipulation for self preservation. The selfish gene! Lol 😂❤❤❤

What happens when your a PDA auDHD mum with 3 PDA auDHD kids..this Circus 🎪 ringmaster left town the 🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒 opened the cages and now we have problems and the ringmaster is there out back 🚬 and ducking about with the trapeze artist!

This made me cry because I understand even more how much internal struggle my child has.

Unfortunately they do not recognize PDA in the U.S. I told the man who did our Autism testing just because it is not recognized does not mean it is not here!