Dr. Sherrie's book is so helpful for those of us raised in toxicity. Another excellent book, especially for scapegoats, is "Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed" by Rebecca Mandeville. Thank you for this interview.

"And I decided I didn't have it in me to mend the fence anymore, which was my job as the fence-mender and the scapegoat." I experienced this too, after my sibling isolated me from the rest of the family, who of course believed her lies. Hearing these words helped me. Thank you.

If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. Consider, he may be your twin flame. Look into that. After he initiated your trauma, you're now left to heal all that comes up. Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever CHASE HIM. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just, be and approve who comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: a no, you do not. Be clear on whom you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, block it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. Glow up and level up. Be the best version of yourself. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. And, Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief: 1. Find the belief... 2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief 3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having belief If you can NOT find advantages then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!! When you finally see both sides... Your mind will STOP thinking about it 'cause it’ll be rewired. So you gotta keep at it, until you find the positive to the negative... And therefore, ultimately rewire your brain!

TL;DR - Do you ever see/hear #EI Parents having a specific communication / #relational flaw of not being able to connect properly *when Parenting is required for growth with advice for tough situations/decisions... That the parent just parrots 🦜 🦜 and shares their own problems or similar stories - instead of offering healthy space to explore & understand the chikdrens problems?* *Pref:)* Is there a characteristic you've noticed from #EIP #EmotionallyImmature #Parents that when a child tries to connect & get supoort w a stressful or challenging issue or dilemma in life... and seek #Parental Guidance & Advice, (and in general, I *get HOW it IS slightly natural* to #relate by telling stories of their own similar experoence w similar situations) *Q:)* But do you notice the #EIP has difficulty putting themselves in their child's shoes, and fail to ask or inquire more about the situation to help the children understand their own problems - from their own perspective??? (and in balance with sn objective p.o.v.) Its like the parent hears a child asking for support, but all they understand is, "It's Story / Sharing Time" and it feels like theyre not really offering advice. Instead it's like some default mode they fall into a selfish mode and it ends up to me feeling like, "Oh you're having problems with something in life??? *Lemme tell you about MMYYYYY problems then....* " 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🪞🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

The reason my brother and me had such different childhood experiences is because our mother treated us completely different. My brother was the favored child. To this day 30 years later, it is still the case.

This was very interesting and helpful, thank you❤

Interesting talk!

Read about MBTI. Personality is inborn. You only have a small portion of the picture. Too bad you are so old and not have come across this yet. Wasted alot of time.

❣️ *PromoSM*

Beautiful

Thank you

Thank you so much for your wisdom

31:35 For anyone that wanna know what Gibson have to say about grown-up people of emocional immature parents in relationships.

1. Emotional type - tiring to be around, everything gets to them 2. Driven - looks normal, invested in children, workaholics, I value what you do well, lack of emotional intimacy, not great with empathy 3. Rejecting parent - don’t enjoy people, children. Cold irritated personality 4. Passive - standing by, might have empathy, not likely to step in and shield the child from the other parent

This is my partner who i just realized after 13 years has tgese traits.

I’ve been married to an emotionally immature man for 42 years. The pearl box analogy was spot on with our relationship. I’ve often said I feel like I’m on “50 First Dates” in my marriage. He doesn’t seem to connect things or remember things. Especially things about me. This has gone on a very long time and I never could understand it.

25:45. Thank for explaining this dynamic.

I would ask 'and are you willing to feel uncomfortable if it's the service of something you value such as getting close to your boyfriend?'

Loved this. Thank you for sharing this important work ❤

My parents were psychopaths, NOT emotional immature parents. Can't even listen to this.

“Emotional coercion” is manipulation. Lindsey doesn’t like to use the word manipulation because it sounds malignant. But that is exactly what it is and it certainly is awful to experience for the EMP. (43:23)

Amazing amount of information.

You don't get your whole life back unfortunately. But you do get a fuller rest of your life than you would have otherwise.

Civil Rights Icons are Icons because they did something about what bothered them. What if they chose not to be bothered? Would black people still be slaves??

I’ve noticed my EI spouse appears to have brain scramble. So if they heard this podcast they would maybe accuse me of brain scrambling them. When in fact they are the one who is going off topic and trying to get me off topic as well. Conflict to them feels impossible so they can’t see a way out so they go off topic. When I try to stay on topic they become completely befuddled and the conversation has to end because they are stumped. It’s exhausting.

Is there any reason for the lack of empirical data on this topic? Seems oddly theoretical with little evidence to back up claims.

That's why it's extremely important that couples have to be on the same page in life if they are wanting the same things such as marriage, family, financial stability, etc even if it means one parent would have to come to an agreement on how the children will be raised while the other supports the family. Even these agreements need to stem from emotional maturity and being ready. When a married couple agrees on marriage but not ready for children then one day the wife says she's pregnant, that will also be a very tough decision because one parent may be emotionally ready and the other isn't but will lie and say they are. This is also where Dr. Gibson mentions the third and fourth type where they are emotionally withdrawn from their children or pretend that they are interested in their children but are still pretty self pre-occupied. This is really scary, but everyone knows in their soul if they are emotionally ready or emotionally immature. I think there should be a podcast on the researches of whom believes they are emotionally mature vs emotionally immature so we can monitor where the brain takes us. I find this to be also interesting before children are brought up in an emotionally immature household. Thank you for sharing this podcast. I wish I had stumbled upon this a year ago!

I’m only 10 minutes in but I’m impressed with the accuracy of the information. This can’t have been easy to accrue, both from a research methods perspective and from the emotional toll on the researcher for engaging with, from my own personal experience, the most harrowing awful, and intimate parts of peoples lives.

Thank you for the profound and meaningful work, first in theory in Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson's other books, teaching us, and now in "hands-on" practice. I love to read the teaching and study it all, yet I struggle with the exercise of sitting with my experiences and writing them down. I wonder if perfectionism might be one of the blocks. 🤔

I appreciate and find it helpful to not have any of the DSM 5 labels of disorders used in these conversations.

I am wondering if a neurodivergent person would have these traits due to their disorder? I thought my partner was narcissistic until he open up to be about his autism.

i'm like oh man, i wish my mom would have talked and explained things to me like that instead of turning to immediate reactiveness or plain physical assault - i might have ruled the world, lol, now i just suck, but listening to Dr. Gibson i can put things together at least. kind regards and thanks very much!

Thank you

31:12 Erickson challenges for growth 45:33 ambiguous loss

So boys are inherently dangerous?

Real good content. Basically a great book for hands on approach and no anger issues here in this book.

❤tres gentil chère amie soyer le bien venue chez moi

So helpful. Bonkers resonance with me. Too much to describe, but I wish I had learned this twenty years ago, or right from the start. Grateful!

She's a Dope....

Wow very helpful

Wow very helpful ❤

Exactly. Let them be themselves. Alone. That is their choice to behave terribly. Remember, Merlin lived backwards ❤.

There is no point in speaking to this particular man. He does not listen to a single word. He is on to the next thing and it's about him and his life. No one else. He will immediately forget anything important you shared, he doesn't care to remember!

My dad abandoned me at 10 months and my mom is histrionic and exhausting … I have had to recover from shame, insecurity, and eating disorder and alcoholism to soothe myself … how I became a successful wife and mother is a freaking miracle of God .

I’m guilty of this. My teen feels like anything can turn into a long discussion.

This was incredible. Thanks so much for this

I have already cut off one toxic parent after 50 years, this past year, the other is deceased after being an alcoholic until I was a teenager. He sobered up when I was in Junior High and then passed in Jan 1995 from a heart attack. My birth giver was an enabler, also yep I was blamed for her losing a job when I was born because she had applied to be a court stenographer and the Judge did not like the fact she already had two kids. In his opinion she should be at home taking care of her home. When I became no longer a cute baby doll, she could dress up and show off the degrading began. She was also verbally and physically abusive to me and to my children. Oh yes, the charming personality is quickly over ; once you're willing to scrape off the veneer.

Thanks. Admittedly, this does take time to accomplish. Cheers🌬️🌤️🕊️.

Wow this is so eye opening. Thanks so much for your wisdom. My life feels better already just understanding what is happening.

Raw but very honest and true.