1 day vs 1 year after losing my mum

This is my story about losing my beautiful mum to a brain tumour at the age of 24 and how I have found the first year of life without her. As hard as this was, it was really important for me to make this video to raise awareness for dealing with loss & grief and for showing other young people who have gone through parent loss that they are not alone.
I love you guys so much and I am so grateful for your friendship. See you again very soon xxx
Instagram - @elledarby_

[@hannahfarbs7973]

@ 6:58 there’s definitely a little white butterfly outside the window immediately as you’re speaking about wanting a sign or a way to know your Mum is still with you. How amazing 🤍 🦋

[@mollyjonesxxxx]

Wow 🤍

[@molliemary2295]

I just came to the comments to say the same thing! it flies past multiple times and I thought it was so special 🥺

[@megancunningham6601]

Omg 🥺🕊🤍✨

[@alyssadowd1981]

How beautiful

[@emma_gacha244]

I seen it too 🥰 xxxxx

[@libertymoore2781]

A heard an analogy of grief once that really made sense to me... they described the grief as being a ball inside a cardboard box. And when it first happens the grief is a huge ball in a small box, and every time the ball hits the side of the box, it triggers the feelings... but over time to box gets bigger, so it hits the sides of the box less and less. It still hurts exactly the same when it DOES hit the side of the box. But it happens less frequently. And this analogy really got me!

[@Sarahkisnellaxo]

I lost my mam too 2 years ago and it’s been tough since Mother’s Day. I’m still in bed now and I needed this today. Thank you ❤️

[@sadiedurham4058]

Sorry long xxx take care 😘🙏😇

[@keeshamaya8093]

so sorry for your loss x

[@Mrsdumee]

🤍

[@Mrsdumee]

@@user-wj1hc4bm1r Can people make typo’s?

[@ErinVerigotta]

hope you feel better soon! ur doing amazing 🥰

[@billiewest6895]

Your Mum is so proud of you Elle. I lost my mum In November 2020, I was 17 and right now, 4 months later it still doesn’t feel real. You are helping so much with these videos and make us all who have been through the same thing feel much less alone, I’m sure it can’t be easy. Thank you Elle❤️

[@unknown-oe8mf]

so sorry for your loss stay strong ❤️

[@sadiedurham4058]

Sorry long xxxx take care 😇🙏💗

[@graceemachin]

I am so sorry for your loss, take care of yourself and I’m sending you a big cuddle 💗💗💗

[@theorganicyorkshirerose]

Sending love 💗

[@sianjones3638]

You’re never alone angel, sending love ❤️

[@GeorgiaMayx]

I have never experienced this level of grief or loss but I sat and listened and you are just incredible Elle. The way you are using your experience to help guide others is nothing sort of incredible. You should be so proud of yourself as I’m sure your beautiful mum is as she looks down on you in this life ❤️ you are such an beautiful person and it radiates from you x

[@kirstyj9293]

Forgive me for not watching......I just wanted to come on the comments and show some love, I lost my mom too from the horrible 'c' word and I'm also currently pregnant with my first (21 weeks) and are trying to keep my mind completely positive for my child's sake so atm I can't watch anything like this but I'm sending you so much love and healing darling, our mom's are always with us and will be with us through every step of our pregnancy and there after 💗

[@unknown-oe8mf]

so sorry for your loss xx hope you're pregnancy goes well x

[@kirstyj9293]

@@unknown-oe8mf Thank you 💕

[@lemonaid927]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@emmiepeach2634]

sending love💗

[@lauraoswin7614]

💕💕💕

[@annielorrangarmston8509]

I lost my mam 6 weeks ago and the first video was one of the very few comforting lifelines. Thank you so much for this second video, an absolute god sent. Sending love to those people here who need it. Things will get better 🤍

[@amaanichaoui-el-goure1212]

I’m sorry for your loss❤️

[@LucyJessicaCarter]

Sorry for your loss Annie 🤍

[@AT-nz4vs]

❤️🤍

[@unknown-oe8mf]

so sorry for for your loss xx

[@annielorrangarmston8509]

Thank you🤍

[@georgialee7109]

I lost my Mum (who was my only parent) very suddenly and unexpectedly less than 2 months ago. I’m 27 years old, unmarried and don’t have children yet. I’m struggling to figure out how I can live the rest of my life without her. She was my very best friend I loved her more than anything. Thank you making this video. Being okay seems so far away. You gave me a bit of hope that one day I will get there. This pain is next level. I just want to breathe again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[@Laura-hk3xz]

I’m so sorry for your loss 😢 I also lost my mum at 27 six months ago and I’m also unmarried and have no children yet so I know exactly how you feel. I’m not going to say that you will be ok because nothing about losing your mother is ok, but I want you to know that you will get through it. Lean on your friends and remaining family, in time you will be able to remember all the good times and laugh, but things will be raw for a little while. My dms are always open if you would like to talk 💜 Sending you so much love at this difficult time 💕

[@Theanakkcfjjkd48]

i’m so sorry to hear! your mum is very proud of you in heaven :)

[@Theanakkcfjjkd48]

@@Laura-hk3xz i’m so sorry! you can do it!

[@jaimeelthompson]

I lost my mum almost 4 months ago, unexpectedly within an hour. We still don’t know why. I feel your pain Elle. Love you 💜

[@sadiedurham4058]

Sorry long xxx

[@debbytownsend2907]

Big hug

[@mollyshaw5028]

Sending you lots of love and big hugs. We’re all here for you!❤️

[@laurenridsdale5726]

Sending ♥ and 🤗

[@millyb12341]

I lost my mum very suddenly in November last year also. We’re still not 100% sure what happened and why so I understand how it feels❤️ honestly these videos and the comment section is such a sanctuary to me 🙏🏻

[@NaomiVictorias]

We had my boyfriends mum in a hospital bed with a syringe driver I n the lounge whilst she was battling terminal cancer last year too, it was exactly as you said - living a nightmare. This bought up so many memories that I’ve tried to push down. I haven’t lost my own mum but losing her was like losing my second mother - so I almost know how you feel. It’s absolutly heartbreaking. Your baby is such a blessing and your mum is watching down on you everyday 🤍

[@sadiedurham4058]

💗💗

[@tiffprendergast]

Sorry

[@rikiamckenna8990]

sorry to hear that

[@laureandrla5079]

15th of June 2020 my dad went missing, leaving me a suicide note and calculations for a drug over dose. He was missing for 4 weeks before he police found his body, every single night I left the curtain and a light on hoping he had changed his mind and come back to me. My farther was the most incredible human and my best friend, which is probably why he could never come to me about the money problems. I understand your grief all too well, and I am so sorry you had to go through that. But so happy you are sharing your story. I couldn’t want the whole of this video as I have PTSD that is triggered constantly. Thank you for sharing your story Ellie, they will always be with us, grief is what love leaves behind ❤️

[@melnason7825]

Bless you sweetheart.....my thoughts are with you at such a harrowing time. So sorry for your loss xx

[@ashleigh8209]

Sending you love x

[@daisy4592]

My dad took his own life on the 16th June 2017. I hope you’re coping okay and getting the help you need. It’s tough journey but I promise that it will get better soon. Sending you love💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@lily-si1hi]

im so sorry for your loss that is awful I can't even imagine x

[@loz714]

your so strong🤍🤍

[@coxo7261]

I lost my Father 2 weeks ago. I found him tragically just 9 hours after being with him. I tried CPR advised by 999, although deep down I recognised he had been gone for a few hours. My mind is all over the place, on top I’m 7 weeks pregnant. Thank-you Elle, these are the videos I watch with hope for the future xx

[@freya1136]

Sending my love ❤️xxx

[@nicolegraham4405]

What a beautiful person... with a beautiful soul and beautiful meaning just everything about you is so pure and I hope this message reaches you. You've helped so many people ❤

[@jessrisden4265]

From an 18 year old girl who lost her dad at just 16. Thank you for sharing this incredibly personal video.

[@sadiedurham4058]

I am sorry take care

[@tiffprendergast]

Sorry

[@erxnhx]

Your mum would be so proud of you! Your baby boy was handpicked by her 💞

[@mandyjackson6894]

So true 💙💙💙

[@leahjones2657]

That’s so beautiful to say x

[@katyed6022]

Couldn’t have put it a better way!! Absolutely perfect I hope she sees this message^ 🥰❤️

[@elliew8806]

The strength you’ve shown will help so many, including myself. My dad has just finished radiotherapy for a brain tumour. We found out about it shortly after his lung cancer had shrunk, which we were so relieved about. He has also suffered from throat cancer. We are holding on to the here and now and appreciating the little things. Thank you for making this video (and all the others) ❤️ sending so much love to you all.

[@sophiex205]

I know the writing is about something terrible, but you are clearly a talented writer to even write your feelings in that way, the way it’s described and written shows pure intelligence

[@ohiyamel]

I lost my dad 2.5 years ago and I can relate to everything you have said. I searched long and hard for videos like this on youtube during the time, just to tell me that I’m going to be okay. You sharing all of this is going to help so many people out there who are in the same boat as us ❤️ I understand everything you feel Elle, and you are not alone 🤍

[@sadiedurham4058]

Sorry long xxx take care

[@tanyacrumlish]

I am so incredibly proud of you ell. As someone who hasn’t lost a parent, I can’t comprehend what it is like to lose a parent. I have lost loved ones close to me and know just how painful it can be but I can’t explain just how amazing you are and how your mum would be proud of the two strong, kind and beautiful women she raised , and we are here for you always. Love you elle. 🤍👼🏼

[@katief5639]

When you said character building.. I really felt that. I lost my brother to a brain tumour when I was 17; he was just 18. It was such a poignant time in my life that it has 100% changed who I am as a person in every single way. 6 years of grieving later, you truly never get over it, but learn to live with it. Sending you so much love Elle ❤️🌟

[@cath2244]

I lost my mum almost 4 months ago to dementia. Seeing this video and even the comments on here reminds me that I’m not alone and there are others going through this too, being able to relate others helps me. Thank you for sharing Elle x

[@elliehowes613]

I’m so sorry❤️

[@sadiedurham4058]

I am sorry take care ❤

[@Julia-qk2wj]

You probably won't see this but thank you so much for this video. I'm absolutely terrified of losing any of my parents and I feel like if they die I couldn't keep on living...but this is comforting in a weird way, not that I ever want to lose them but I know I'll survive if I ever do.

[@megancunningham6601]

I feel exactly the same as this Julia. I think about this all the time. I’m absolutely petrified of the thought, as I know I’ll feel like I don’t want to live anymore either. You are so incredibly brave and strong for doing this video Elle. You’re helping so many people by sharing what you’ve been through, even those of us who have not yet lost a parent and are petrified of the thought alone. Thank you for your selflessness 🥺🤍 you are making your mum so proud, every single day 🤍🕊✨xx

[@bluebezza7]

I’ve had it all, happy family of 8. Mum cheated on my Dad with his best friend and moved to UK. It broke my Dad’s heart and it made him really poorly. I watched him wanting to commit suicide (walked on him in the bathroom with wrists cut open by the bathtub) because he couldn’t deal with the pain and having to raise 6 daughters all by himself whilst working full time. He passed 11 years ago - cancer got him first. I then had to move to the UK with my 5 sisters to live with Mum who abandoned us and my late Dad’s ex best friend... it’s been 11 years and the pain is still there. I don’t remember his voice but I see his face in my dreams and I know he is watching over me and my siblings. We still cry when we talk about him but we also share some laughter over the memories we’ve been able to create with the main man in our lives. But what helped us with the grieving process is having each other as sisters: even to this date one of us will mention something about our Dad or a situation that the others would have forgotten about and it’s so amazing to be able to have each other and understand what the other sister went through. I could not have done the last 11 years without my sisters. I really feel for those people who were/are on their own. And Elle, you have shown so much strength in the last year it is so inspiring and I’m sure has helped a lot of people. Everyone has a story to share and it’s so nice to be able to talk about our feelings. I am sorry to everyone who’s ever lost a parent. Life really isn’t fair sometimes.

[@user-xg9og3nj6c]

I'm a carer and when you released your first video, I was working palliatively for a woman with a brain tumour. I want to thank you for being so open and honest as I genuinely feel like it enabled me to further understand what her family members were going through. Because of your videos I made sure to check in with family & support them as much as I supported their mum. I really believe your videos helped to improve the quality of care I provided, because of your video I had a much better insight into what the family was experiencing emotionally. Thankyou Elle for being so open, it has already positively impacted a family who went through the same thing x

[@jesssproson7447]

Elle I cannot even begin to describe to you how much you have helped me. After losing my dad at the end of august to a 10 year battle with a brain tumour, I was devastated. It’s like I found you at the exact right time in my life and you and your experience with grief has helped me with my grief massively. Every time I have a difficult day I know I can turn to you and find some peace in that I am not alone, that I am not the only person struggling. I literally think of you as my internet bestie!🤣 I’ve found it particularly hard to talk to others about how I feel and you have given me the strength to recently start to be able to be more open with others about it. I cannot begin to thank you enough for everything you’ve helped me through even though you don’t know it, you are a beautiful soul, you are strong and you deserve the whole world. Thank you so much🤍

[@Hannah28995]

This is so lovely. Sending lots of love to you 😘

[@sadiedurham4058]

I am sorry take care x

[@megancurley2558]

I relate to you so much Jess, and I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. I watched Elle’s first video about losing her mum to a brain tumour in June 2 days before my dad was first unwell and diagnosed with a brain tumour himself. It was the most bizarre coincidence and I really feel that I clicked on her video for a reason that I didn’t know at the time. I’m very lucky that my dad is still with us, but the anticipatory grief I’ve experienced is still very hard. Sending you so much love and peace xx

[@jesssproson7447]

@@megancurley2558 hey girl! I’ve just read your comment and it made me tear up a little bit, thank you so much. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, I relate completely to your situation and I know how hard hearing that diagnosis can be. Sending all my love and well wishes to you and your dad, you are both truly so strong!🤍xx

[@megancurley2558]

@@jesssproson7447 You're so kind, thank you so much. It helps to know there are people out there who get it xx

[@solastyearcook]

Losing someone close to you is the worst feeling in the world. You’re so strong and you can only take one day at a time. No words ever seem to help as the feeling is too overpowering. We’re all in this together xx

[@aimeexx5751]

I lost my dad 8 months ago to cancer at 16 , I've never felt so many emotions in so many different ways. my heart hurts everyday but these words spoke to me. Thank you ❤️ you're so strong , sending you so much love xx

[@helloimgeee]

I just lost my Mum a week ago, she passed the day before my 25th birthday and 6 days before Mothers Day this year. I had to cancel her Mothers Day flowers. It still doesn't feel real. Seeing you live your life and pushing on, gives me strength. xx

[@rachm77]

My dad came home from the hospice for a night, we laughed and watched films together.. the next day he went back to the hospice and barely woke up again for 7 days until he passed. I know what you mean about those days being the worst, because it was unbearable. Its been 2 years almost. There is nothing that can prepare you for losing a parent. Sending you so much love for the 22nd ❤️

[@tiabroom4764]

I lost my dad when I was 4 (turning 5) I’m now almost 18 in April and I don’t remember much of him but I still miss him, I think the older you are the more it hurts because you’ve had so many more memories but my older siblings (as I’m the youngest) dealt with it completely different to me because I didn’t understand properly, my mother had to raise 4 kids alone and she worked so hard, if I lost her I don’t know what I’d do, I don’t think I could go on tbh but you’re amazing Elle! so brave and your mother will be so so proud of you and how far you’ve came

[@sueanderson9860]

Elle, I’m the age your Mum was when she passed. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that she is so so very proud of you. You articulated your love and pain and growth over the past year perfectly. I’m certain this video will be of immense help to anyone in the early stages of loss. Sending hugs. xoxo

[@ffiontandy3774]

You are an inspiration Elle. My mum really isn’t well at the moment and is currently in the hospital where we can’t see her, and watching your videos gives me such a sense of comfort🤍✨

[@eveborrott728]

Sending you and your mum lots of love xx

[@ffiontandy3774]

@@eveborrott728 thank you so much x

[@oliviaahaha2989]

She’s so proud of you! Everything happens for a reason Elle your mummy left but sent down the little angel that’s making you a mummy Your so much stronger then you think! 💓

[@chantelletaylor3133]

I lost my mum at aged 42 in november to terminal cancer after only battling it for 4 months and Mother’s day was one of the hardest days for me. I really needed this video to know it’ll get easier. Thank you❤️

[@Kateplus_x]

I lost my mum in September, also to cancer. Sending love to you ❤️

[@sadiedurham4058]

I am sorry take care xx😘

[@sadiedurham4058]

@@Kateplus_x I am sorry take care

[@rachaelkp2305]

@@Kateplus_x ❤

[@rachaelkp2305]

❤

[@HannahandMia]

So much respect to her she’s overcome so much so young❤️❤️

[@helentrofimova1444]

I lost my mum when I was 4 months pregnant and 28.it was my mum's first grandchild.....I cannot put into words how I felt but know this ellie...your mum will be so proud of you.💖

[@sadiedurham4058]

I am sorry take care x

[@helentrofimova1444]

@@sadiedurham4058 thankyou x

[@sadiedurham4058]

@@helentrofimova1444 x 💗❤

[@emmacollins8403]

I lost my dad 4 weeks ago on Friday and as much as I love to watch your videos, I’m really scared to watch this just in case in triggers me too much. When I’m feeling stronger I will come back to watch, I know this video is here for me. Thank you for being the comfort and support I need right now as you will 100% know how I’m feeling and I completely connect with you on this 💕

[@HannahandMia]

Can we just talk about how stunning she is tho😍

[@amaanichaoui-el-goure1212]

Ikr! ❤️😏 hey girls

[@amymycock6921]

21 when I lost my mum to cancer, turning 23 this year and I can honestly say as silly as it sounds but just saying to myself that I'm not the first person to go through it and I won't be the last helped me a lot and it helped a lot when I was feeling alone, feeling like no one understands and no one feels my pain, I have a lot of adults around me that are lucky enough to still have both there parents and everytime I try to bring my mum up in just a normal conversation with them I get shund away as they just don't know what to say and it's hard but your not alone! YOU GOT THIS! ❤️

[@emma-sc7cu]

my heart goes out to you

[@miabrown4913]

Elle you are an incredibly strong woman! You’ve overcome something so incredibly hard so young and also helped everyone going through something similar along they way! You are the real angel🤍 love you and your growing family xx

[@jhenaSaysquacK]

Thank you so much for sharing Elle. I happen to be one of those people who are looking for someone to relate to and stumbled upon your videos. I'm so sorry about your mom. I'm so sorry to everyone who is grieving. I resonate with this so much. I also tend to rely on to-do lists and deadlines with my progress on anything. I'm just learning there is no step-by-step or right way to process and heal. I feel like I've already learned immensely, but I know there's so much more ahead. My mom suffered from several types of cancers, including brain cancer and passed almost a month ago (March 2, 2021). Her last days and just the days after were the most devastating experiences I've ever encountered, just as you explained and will know yourself. Due to the pandemic, only one visitor was allowed with restricted visiting times, which by default was my dad. I'm so, so thankful I was able to be there for my mom's last breath and she waited for my brother and I to arrive before passing when the nurses finally let us in (For my brother just minutes. I was lucky to have about 20 min). But sometimes I'm finding myself angry that I couldn't see or talk to her before then. I wanted so much to be with her while she was in the hospital and the situation wouldn't allow it. I'm still working through these emotions and am trying to find ways to cope. I don't know how I'm going to get through all the first holidays without her this year. I keep thinking about how my mom won't be here when I get married or have kids too. I relied on her so much and feel like I need her just to get through these milestones. But your story and your words give me hope that I will be able to deal with this grief one day and that it's possible to feel happiness again. I'll be coming back to these videos as reminders to myself. I wish you continuing strength in the years ahead. You have already been strong. ❤️

[@matildamerrick8522]

So brave! Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ I lost my Nanna who was like a second mum to me just over 8 years ago and I still feel the sting of grief on the anniversary of her passing. Really appreciated your honest expressions xx

[@heathergrundy8907]

So when you need her touch and loving gaze, gone but not forgotten is the perfect phrase. Smiling from a star that she makes glow, trust she’s always there watching as you grow ❤️

[@laurarobinson4982]

Did anyone see the light change at 8:26, the moment she says my mom would not expect me to sit here and say I can’t.. she’s letting you know ❤️

[@annazrelli4487]

Heartbreaking Ellie. My daughter is your age and she's followed you from your very first vlog. As a mum, I'm proud of you, so your mum must be bursting with pride. She's looking down on you and living on through you. So much live and thank you for sharing. God bless

[@philliparosejj]

The best way I ever heard someone explain grief and how it changes over time is this; imagine there is a box and inside the box is a big red button which, if pushed, will trigger a wave of grief. There is also a ball in the box. When someone loses someone close to them the ball fills the entire box and is therefore constantly pushing the button. But as time goes on the ball gets smaller and smaller until it can bounce around the box quite freely.....it still hits the button occasionally but it's not constant. Grief never goes away but the waves become further and further apart and it becomes easier to cope with. Thinking of you at this time! You are so strong and your mum is so proud of you!

[@positivegal5421]

Always supporting you! She’s so proud of you and your gorgeous family! An angel gained in heaven!❤️

[@milliejefferson1]

I just know that your beautiful mam is looking down on you smiling about everything that yourself and Katie have achieved over this past year ❤️

[@lizzieyoung1132]

When you’re talking about the overwhelming grief and almost being in the grief memory, your techniques to remember you are in the present time is called grounding, there’s so many resources online if you Google that and it can give other ideas if you ever need them 💕 Thank you for sharing your story, you are amazing 💛

[@victoriamitchinson549]

You truly are living your purpose Elle. You’re a healer, and you’re doing amazing things to help other people. You’re doing so much.

[@leahwebley1727]

It feels like the sun is really powerful in this video. When you spoke about being scared of living without her and the sun flashed and shone through, really made me believe she is there supporting you and always looking over you, caring for you and being so so proud of you. Im so proud of you Elle 💗

[@AzariaDee]

Can we just appreciate how much this girl had gone through and she’s still willing to help others by sharing her story! Elle you are one of a kind and I can imagine how proud your mum is! ❤️

[@mollyharris9048]

Els is so incredible and I'm so proud of how she's dealt with everything. My mum passed just over 4 years ago and I'm only just starting to feel 90% healed and yes the grief filled days are still a thing but I'm ready to let myself be happy. I hope everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation knows that they will get there one day, it won't be this hard forever. Don't give up

[@laurenburrows6187]

We love you you’re so strong and your little boy is your guardian angel sent from your mum 💕

[@Rachelleah3]

I lost my mum 8 years ago and I can honestly say I still don’t think even now I’ve fully healed from the days before she passed, I understand when you say it’s like living a nightmare, sometimes I’d wake up in the morning and think I was still dreaming because I couldn’t believe what was actually happening. It’s lovely to see that although you haven’t fully healed (and like you say no one ever does) you have come far in your journey, so much so you can help others. For anyone who has recently lost someone I personally think dealing with the situation early on, embracing it and giving yourself time to understand and process what has happened is so so important and allows you to move forward on the right path step by step. Thank you for your braveness, kindness and for explaining grief in such a helpful way 💗💗💗

[@sashapreece-henderson6337]

I just know that a piece of your mum’s soul is going to shine through your baby boy. I feel it so deep in my bones. And she will guide you into your new journey of motherhood🕊🦋

[@natashamatisse]

Dear Elle, Firstly, you are so strong to openly talk about the loss of your Mum and the past year since losing her. 💗 Almost 3 years ago, I lost my brother. He was a missing person for 17 days. On the 17th day his body was discovered. We still to this day, do not know exactly how he passed. You can go months without crying, living your life and then feeling a sense of almost guilt for doing so but you have to remember to always carry them in our hearts. It may be something outside, a piece of music, a smell or their favourite food that reminds you of them. And there is this tinge of emptiness. A few months after I lost my brother, my mum and I went to a medium. She said things that she couldn’t have possibly known about my brother (I know not everyone believes in mediums) but I felt this connection to him and as sad as it was at the time in that room, I loved feeling connected and held onto that feeling ✨ She said that he passed on the message that he wanted to be included in every day things, whether that’s eating something he loved, including him in celebrations or toasting to him at the table. I know it’s not a parent I lost and I really feel for you and I’m sending all my love. It is a grief I never expected to have in my life or at least at age 25 however when I hold onto these signs people do think I’m weird but unless they have gone through a big loss like that they won’t understand. Sadly my brother passed away on his birthday. He will be 30 this year and it will be his 3 year anniversary. I’ve been going on lots of long country walks, listening to music that reminds me of him but also listening to the environment and bird song as it’s so peaceful & tranquil. 🕊 The feeling I am having coming up to his birthday/anniversary is overwhelming. I’m also starting my new job that day which is bitter sweet. I know he’d be proud of me. Obviously I don’t know you personally, but what I have seen from following you for the past year is that you appear to be an amazing, strong, successful and lovely young lady. 🤍 I found this quote from George Shelley that I want to share with you as I find it helps me 🤍 ‘Grief is like spilt glitter. You can try and clean it up but you will find little pieces of glitter later on’ ✨ Sorry that this comment is so long but I just want you to know you’re in my thoughts and Kit Kat too. Lots of love, Natasha ❤️

[@tiffprendergast]

Sorry

[@liajane9161]

elle i love you!! i lost my mum three years ago this june & your videos always make me feel better, also these similar comments to my situation are making me feel not so alone 🤍

[@hafsahahmed5165]

You are so beautiful & your mum is always there as you are becoming a mum she will be there every step of the way and you are incredible 💓

[@Aimee4nick06]

Can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Your mum would be so proud of how far you’ve come im sure! Lots of love 💕

[@angharadprice2342]

I sobbed all through this. Every thought you explained you had I was nodding along because this is exactly how I felt. I felt that as her life was over so was mine, I didn’t want children or to get married anymore because I was grieving the future we always talked about. Yet here I am three years later, sat breastfeeding my baby girl, her first grandchild she never got to meet and she’s the one that gives me that feeling back that I can’t wait to see what happens in our future and it looks bright again. The moment we lost our mother, all I had was my boyfriend and my two younger sisters as my father abandoned us after her death. My daughter looks like my mum and has the same second name as her. She is as radiant as her and I see her personality in my baby. You are doing so well, as I’m sure you are very aware your son is your way to enjoy your future now and a whole new being to direct all that unspent love towards. My mum is with me everyday and so is yours 💖

[@toblerone96]

I lost my mum 3 years ago and I literally did nothing but cry on Mother’s Day

[@MsKathleenBoyle]

Thank you so much for this video. Today is 6 months since my dad had a stroke and so in a few days he will have been gone for 6 months. I've struggled with feeling numb to that realisation for the last few days and have been angry at myself for it and it was so reassuring to hear that even you have had that experience too and I'm not alone in it. Sending lots of love, really appreciate your advice and sharing something so personal xx

[@ellenwaters4787]

The way you talk about this topic with such grace is incredible 😭 you will be an amazing mum and your mum will be watching down on you xx

[@auroracancelliere]

white butterfly at 6.58 when you were talking so desperately of needing a sign from your beautiful mum ❤️ elle, i love you more than anything. thank you so much for this video and everything you do. watching you honestly makes me feel at home. all my love always x

[@jamiesomervilleliddle5313]

I know no one will probably read this but if you do what helped me getting through my Grandad’s death is knowing that he wouldn’t want be to be sad he would want me to be happy and live my life to my fullest love you Ellie xx

[@peaceinthevision]

the light change at 13:57 and the room flood with warm light.... your mum is sending you a hug and showing you that she's with you 🤍

[@archiepops]

I remember watching and commenting on your original video, feeling such sadness with and for you, never imagining that I would lose my own Mum just over twelve months later. It was her funeral today. Everything you said in these videos resonated with me so much, the notes you wrote after and the experience from the syringe driver to her last breaths. It feels like my world has been ripped open right now. I am going to get a diary because that seems like a really good idea, to write in it how I feel and whenever I want to talk to her. Thank you so much for making this xxx

[@charlotteeggleston8422]

I lost mum recently and your video was so raw I felt your pain and the advice you gave I feel like I deeply need I felt so lost your video made me feel normal grief is a funny emotion and I've ended up cutting off a lot of people I care about because I feel like they don't feel the pain I feel a all of my friends still have there mum and I feel they don't understand the struggle I go through everyday without having her here thank you so much for posting this video literally has helped me so much and made me feel I'm not the only one thank you xxx

[@KaitlinRyan94]

I lost my pop 2 weeks ago, him and my nan raised me so they are like my parents. It’s been so so hard, the emotions are indescribable. I didn’t know how much I needed this video. Thanks Elle 💕

[@yazlowe8236]

I have just been reading all of the comments and the amount of beautiful people who have lost parents and loved ones is honestly so so heartbreaking. Just want to send so much love to both Elle and all the angels who have commented , none of you deserved to experience such pain but I am so proud of you all - just as your lost loved ones are💜

[@lifewithelle.]

Thank you for this video Elle. We lost my Nan in October and I have moments were I just cry. I was very close to my Nan, she was almost like a second mum to me and I saw her almost every day apart from during this Covid time as we wanted to keep her safe. Thankfully she didn’t die from Covid. I do feel guilty sometimes for getting on with life but I like the idea of writing to her as if she can see what I wrote, I think that might help me a lot, so thank you and I’m sending hugs to you and your family xxx

[@ellie-mariedrury1497]

My dad died suddenly before Christmas and I am still in the early stages of grief. This video has helped me so much. Thank you for sharing your personal experience❤️

[@yasminecortenbach4422]

I’ve watched your announcement videos about your little baby boy and couldn’t resist to take a look at your other videos. My mom passed when I was 10years old on 19th of march 2015. You inspire me so much and have such a beautiful soul. Thankyou for being the most beautiful and purest woman ever🤍

[@user-zh9sm3jo2t]

Thank you so much Ellie for this video it has helped me so much I just found out my mums cancer is incurable and your raw video has helped so much x

[@chloereynolds4175]

Elle you are incredibly brave for putting such raw thoughts and feelings out on the internet. You are amazing and I'm sure your mum is looking down on you, beaming with pride ❤

[@xbb5y]

Omg Elle that pregnancy glow is real ❤️🏹

[@AshleighHancock]

I am so happy you have such an incredible, beautiful community of angels here for you 🤍 sending all the love and hugs in the world xxxx

[@chantel1206]

My mum is currently in her last days , she has stage 4 cancer in 3 parts of her body and is currently on a syringe driver... I watched your last video and it really related with me! I started grieving way before she started to detoriate I lost her midway thru her diagonise and it gets harder everyday , but I know in my heart she will always be with me 💕

[@shellysscratchcards]

Your mum will always be with you ❤xxxx

[@vickiesnyder1568]

I think you are so thoughtful to share your experience & be supportive of others in this situation. My heart goes out to you . She was so Blessed to have such an amazing daughter.🥲🥰😇❤️🙏

[@solastyearcook]

I had flashbacks when I watched my nan die, it happened for years after and I had panic attacks so I visited a hypnotherapist , he helped me view it in a different way to how I had seen it, which was a massive weight off my shoulder. It’s nice to know it’s a memory and that you’re not trapped in that moment. I’m here for you x

[@HarryThomasPictures]

I'm so sorry sweetheart, losing a parent at a young age is the worst thing to go through. I lost my Mum to cancer last year and she was my rock. She will always be with you, you are the best daughter she could ever wish for. Hugs❤!

[@shellysscratchcards]

Sorry for your loss xxx

[@becsrim3796]

Can't even tell you how much I needed to see this Elle! I lost my day at the end of January and I feel like I'm walking around numb! You are so strong and such an inspiration! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Xx

[@Graciebridds3109]

I lost my dad a few months ago and honestly this video made me feel so wholesome because I know someone understands even if I can’t find the words to explain xxx

[@courtneycarpenter3303]

The shot were you were talking about how you wish your gorgeous mum was here for your pregnancy/engagement, the light felt so warm and loving. She’s right there with you ❤️

[@issyrose8593]

Sending love Elle 🤍👼🏼 You are so strong and I know that your mum is in heaven and is so proud of you! x

[@kirstyhewitt8139]

It’s coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my mums passing and it still doesn’t feel real to me. Thank you Elle for sharing your journey, your videos have honestly helped me so much. Sending so much love ❤️

[@bethanbrindley6640]

13 years ago I lost my dad, I still write to him. It’s true what people say you learn how to deal with it. Sending you love x

[@mathilda12]

This video is emotionally beautiful. Thank you for sharing your journey and showing me not to waist a day with my mum or any family member again. I truly believe she is watching down on you from her flowery garden in heaven, smiling at how far you’ve come. Keep being you Elle. You are incredible 🤍

[@matildadorsett462]

I am so sorry for your loss, you have come so far! She will always be with you even if you can’t see her 💕💕

[@AT-nz4vs]

The title of this got me straight away🤍🌼✨ Thinking of you El💫x

[@donnadavies4630]

Oh Ellie xxxx your very brave xxx ....I lost my sister in 1976 of a brain tumour ...I was 9 ..my sister was 8 ...xx Emma Jane xxx I never had any therapy and it shattered my family to bits ....I'm now 53 ...and I've had to cope all by my self ....its so heartbreaking ...I have a son hes 32 now and looks like my sister and hes a doctor ..so I think I've done my sister proud xxx it's been very hard as I'm so in tune with peoples feelings and hate nasty people ...I now have a lovely fiance of 6 years and hes my rock ....I understand every pain your going through Love Don 💗🦋

[@shellysscratchcards]

So sorry to hear what you went through at such a young age , sending you all my love, hope your ok xxx

[@donnadavies4630]

Thanks Shelly xxx

[@kellstinkerbell71]

Your an incredible, strong, intelligent, beautiful young lady. Your remarkable. You are so so thoughtful. Your mum raised a very special person. You chat and off load any time you need to I will always listen and I’m sure many will agree with me. Us mummy’s can be your adopted mummy’s. If you was my daughter I’d be bursting with pride. Your beautiful son has got one very amazing muma and daddy of course! Don’t ever think your crazy with how you deal with your grief I think you have given brilliant advice and best of luck with your therapy. But we are all behind you and love you lots. ❤️

[@aoifefay9863]

You spoke immaculately Elle. Thank you for this xxx

[@poppys8840]

you are an amazing person inside and out Elle. Thank you for helping people and showing your vulnerability, your mum is so so proud of you and so are all your subscribers xx

[@allaroundyogawithlindarobi9740]

Thank you so much for your very personal video, I’m not as young as you and can’t for a minute imagine how you’re feeling, I lost my mum in June 2020 after being diagnosed with cancer two weeks previously, it would’ve been her birthday this week so I really needed to hear your thoughts and the processes you have and continue to go through, sending you so much love ❤️ xxx

[@lucymunden4544]

Wow the butterfly is the window as she’s talking about a sign xxx

[@debbiesmith3102]

It's great that you tell how grief changes every day , I'm sure there are many people you have really helped through this tough time , im going to show this to my grandaughter who has just lost a much loved one , thankyou xx

[@alexandramitchell6331]

Wow Elle you have grown so much this past year, I’ve been following you for so long now and you are honestly such an inspiration. You are so so strong and I wish I was half the person you are. Your mum will definitely be so proud of you and the beautiful lady and mama you are becoming! 🤍🤍🤍

[@ti-dm7237]

I’m fortunate enough to say I’ve not experienced a huge loss before in my life but the thought of losing my mum fills me with a huge ache in my heart and with the thought of how could I survive if that were to ever happen😔😔I’ve watched your videos for a very long time and although I cant relate to what you must be going through I watch these videos in absolute awe that someone going through so much pain can still have the thought in their mind that they can help someone else! I really think you are an amazing person Elle and I honestly believe that’s a true testament to the woman who raised you! Thankyou for being you, for being so thoughtful, kind and honest because I know somewhere in the world an angel needs this video! ❤️