1-on-1 tips from a Principal Engineer / Manager

My best advice on how to have productive, useful one-on-ones. In short, own your career and make sure to manage your manager. This video explains how, based on my experience at Microsoft, Amazon, Google, and others as a software engineer and manager with 30 years experience.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
00:00 Introduction
01:16 "Own your career"
02:03 One-on-One is important
02:58 Prep beforehand
03:27 Be pithy, problems with solutions
05:14 Every month
05:45 Every 3-6 months
07:47 In summary

[@adriansantos9086]

Your final summaries really make the listener bring the lesson home. Congratulations on that! 10/10 in terms of contents and communication.

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thank you very much for watching and the kind words! I'm glad the summary worked!

[@KrazyKittyTailz]

Frankly, I think weekly 1-on-1's are too frequent (especially the more Senior your are). Once per month is just fine, especially since I'm already at a Principal Engineer level and have no desire whatsoever to advance to Upper Management. My Group already commits to a weekly Hardware Mtg. (combined with EE's, MechE's, QE's, and MfgE's), plus our weekly Staff Mtg each Friday. Finally, I'm also nearing F.I.R.E. Retirement (Spring 2024 is my goal), so 1-on-1's are even more otiose to me. Otherwise, I like your Channel, John (which I found via your Quora Page)......I've actually read a number of your posts there for a couple of years now, and it's nice to have a voice accompany your advice. Happy 2023!

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Happy 2023! I've been alright with every two weeks for 1-1s, but I found that if I went longer, e.g. once a month, it hurt sync and career. Your mileage may vary :) Thanks for watching, and for tolerating my monotone. I'd promise to be more exciting to listen to, but if it hasn't happened yet, it ain't happening :)

[@KrazyKittyTailz]

@@TheDeliberateEngineer Not at all, John....your presentation voice is very mellifluous to listen to (almost Gene Wilder-esque) :)

[@adamrounsville123]

Great video! Thanks, John!

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks for watching and letting me know!

[@11704187]

Really enjoying your videos! Many of the points you mention here I felt I already had a grasp on from the IC perspective, but I hadn't really considered things from the manager perspective. Your points have definitely helped me think about things more empathetically. Specifically, the fact that there's probably one or two reports who take up >50% of the manager's time and so it's maybe not too fair to read into how much attention you get from your manager if you're not the squeaky wheel. Also, the fact that they almost certainly have more on their plate than they can comfortably finish.

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks for watching and commenting! Yeah, one thing I want to try and get into all my videos (and coming soon, books) is helping people understand both sides of the relationship. It's hard to really buy into the reason things suck for you if you don't see where it comes from on the other side. Managing is a funny thing. I'll probably make a couple videos about that, and about what managers can do so the IC's can say "woof! I'm glad that's not me" :)

[@cats3xxx]

Every video in this channel is gold. So useful

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thank you for watching!

[@owen9899]

Hi John! Loved this video. As a young software engineer, it demystifies a lot of the properties of a good 1 on 1 to help me achieve my goals. Very informative and I super love the noteworthy quote at the end 😂

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks! Glad it's helpful and thanks for watching and letting me know. Kick butt in your career!

[@jmherbst87]

Yo mate, excellent video and summary!! I was so looking forward to a video of yours about manager 1-on1s and I was not disappointed. There's so many blogs or articles out there on how managers should behave in 1-on-1s and so little from the engineers perspective and this video of yours does a great job of covering that topic and perspective. thanks!

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks for watching and commenting, I'm glad it gave some new info!

[@JedesonAlviso]

Insightful video, I just learned how much opportunity I have been missing in leveraging my 1-on-1s towards promotion and removing blockers because I don't have the right mindset going in to the meeting

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Hope it helps, thanks for watching!

[@zen5882]

What;'s the point of what are effectively giving status updates in the 1 on 1 when we have standup anyway?

[@jack24zerg]

This channel has been such a blessing to me as a person without friends in big tech. Thank you John! For your future content, any chance you would consider describing advice on other tech jobs e.g. Product Management? Thank you again.

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks for watching, and good suggestion! As I exhaust my first-hand knowledge (that might be interesting to folks), I'll switch over to things like talking about program management, which I've done informally but not formally. I'll probably ask some of my more senior PM friends to give advice, and either interview / chat with them in a video, or summarize and attribute what they say.

[@jack24zerg]

@@TheDeliberateEngineer That sounds awesome!

[@theJYC]

Hi John! I've been subscribed to your channel for some time now and I'm so glad to have found it. As a junior engineer, I gain so much from hearing your perspective. Given the nature of your video format, I'm wondering if you'd be open to hosting a podcast so we could listen to these pieces vs watch them? It'd be awesome to listen to them on my commutes. Thank you for all that you do!

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks for watching, I'm glad the videos are useful! I'm not sure what all is involved in a podcast. Most of what I present is friendly to audio-only. I'll look into making them available in that format.

[@theguywithgoodvibe8047]

@@TheDeliberateEngineer Hi John, thanks for everything you do! I was about to ask the same thing. The podcast is definitely the way to go. By the way, things you are doing it here pretty informative! Keep doing what you are doing ! Much appreciated

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

@@theguywithgoodvibe8047 thanks for the note & the extra confirmation on value of looking into podcasting!

[@saurabhchoudhary9260]

Hi John! What about skip level 1:1 ? I work as a senior engineer. Me and my manager are the same level at one of the companies that you worked for. What will be your suggest about the frequency of skip level 1:1, their content(career progression discussion, feedback about how are you doing, cascading updates, ross team learning) and what would you expect him to bring up ? Also, kudos for coming up this with this channel, I'm really falling in love with it.

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thank you very much for watching and for the kind words! I haven't had much use for skip level meetings myself. The skip manager hasn't usually had any influence over my career, and met as a courtesy more than anything else. I'd say, if you feel like your manager isn't able to give you good opportunities and guidance to the next level, then it's worth meeting monthly or so with your skip manager. Otherwise I don't think it's necessary, or maybe quarterly just to stay in touch.

[@juanpablopalacios812]

Very good video!

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thank you & thanks for watching!

[@joshsherfey]

Great videos! Can you make a video on what to focus on when starting a new role?

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

How about this one? How to ace your first year as a software engineer, kzbin.info/www/bejne/pH26mpyFiJunjLc

[@handle924]

Can you do a video on managing relationships with skip / director /vp in report chain or XFN partners? Particularly for maintaining visibility/ influence and getting involved early on for projects. Thanks

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Hard to do in general but I'll give what advice as I can! Thanks for the suggestion!

[@pieflies]

Good info. I wonder about the need to have a 1 on 1 every week. I find it hard to understand the need to have one that often. Is this a common timeframe for this kind of thing? (I’ve worked in small companies and large consultancies and government agencies but not big tech or very large consultancies) For things like blockers on a project I wouldn’t want to wait for a 1 on 1, I would want to deal with it as part of a daily standup or project specific meeting ASAP. For things like accomplishments and career progression I think a week is too short of a timeframe for meaningful progress (as indicated in your video with the 1,3,6 month sections).

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

I don't think there's a common timeframe. For me personally, I tried to have weekly 1-on-1s with my reports unless I had too many (e.g. > 8). Sometimes they would only go 5 or 10 minutes, but I still feel like they were useful.

[@ThePrp123]

Good info.

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Thanks!

[@matthewkerian6345]

Hey John, fantastic video! My one question: you say to talk career every 3-6 months. Is this too little for a lower level eng? I'm at around 8 months right now and would like to be more growth focused. When I think about what I was a month ago let alone 3 months ago it seems shocking. Do you think 6 weeks would be more appropriate at my level? Thanks, Matthew

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Getting internal promotions is usually about what you have done and completed / shipped, not how smart or skilled you are. Talk to your manager about what you need to demonstrate to move to the next level. They probably won't be able to give you a checklist, but they can at least give you an idea, e.g. 'complete your part of a well-received feature', and you can work toward that, and revisit periodically in 1-1s to make sure you're on track and it's still the right thing to be doing.

[@poison99x]

Just discovered this channel and already subscribed. Question: From a manager's perspective, how do you help an engineer engage more on the 1:1 especially if the engineer is an introvert and your 1:1s end prematurely simply because there's nothing to talk about?

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

Show examples of what a productive 1-1 is like. summarize without naming names, unless you feel like using YOUR 1-1s with former managers. Sell them on the value of moving outside their comfort zone to move their career forward. Take some extra time in one of your 1-1s to work up things to bring / discuss in next 1-1.

[@blisstracker7325]

If manager join agile status meeting once a week, weekly meeting with team lead, has only team meetings every third week, no 1-1 with any. Should I ask for 1-1 for myself? how freq should I suggest?

[@TheDeliberateEngineer]

It's a little odd that the manager doesn't have 1-1s with anyone. I'd still probably ask for a weekly or every 2 week one-on-one, with an explanation of why I want it, and a promise to only take as much time as the subjects to discuss take.

[@codingsubs8290]

great video (n^1000)% , n > 0