10 Hour Schizophrenia Hallucination Simulation.

  Рет қаралды 14,001

FrankenMoose (Thomas Newman)

FrankenMoose (Thomas Newman)

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 109
@MaxineDanielson-zy7ox
@MaxineDanielson-zy7ox 9 ай бұрын
Thanks for making videos like these I often times try to do a decent amount of research into conditions characters I play as have and stuff like this helps when trying to get a sense for how they’re conditions affect how they perceive with the world around them especially since I can put this on with headphones and get a feel for what the auditory part of schizophrenia is like although I do understand that it’s a different experience for everyone and that I’ll most likely will never truly know the extent of how this effects people but it’s still a good way to help understand my characters but people who experience this too
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 9 ай бұрын
Thanks for your comment. The goal of these video simulations is to educate. Its interesting to hear that it has helped someone research a role, that’s a new one for me. I’m glad that it has helped and yes, there are so many variants of what people hear, me included. If you want to learn more, I have more simulations and other videos about schizophrenia on my channel. If you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer. Good luck with your character.
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe Ай бұрын
Bro I have a lot of signs of schizophrenia like seeing stuff on the daily and hear stuff and disorganized speech all of this is on the daily and I decided to do a bit of research in to this stuff to see if I should get help and I probably do this help me a lot and it makes sense because it started 3 years ago and a life changing tragic event happened. ​I did try to get help but because this is my family they brushed me off of just didn't care enough. So thank you. @@frankenmoose
@nataliek878
@nataliek878 5 ай бұрын
I’m not schizophrenic but have had hallucinations before. The worst part is how real they can seem. Some of the ones I’ve had are benign, but there were ones that were absolutely terrifying. I can’t imagine what it’s like dealing with the symptoms of schizophrenia on a daily basis, especially when they are really bad :(
@MaliyahJohnson-v5o
@MaliyahJohnson-v5o 5 ай бұрын
Have u ever heard random voices in your head before ?
@nataliek878
@nataliek878 4 ай бұрын
@@MaliyahJohnson-v5o I've heard conversations before that sounded like they were coming from people around me but when I tried to find the source of the noise I couldn't. (As in no one was talking or the people that I thought were talking weren't present)
@nataliek878
@nataliek878 4 ай бұрын
also I should add that I couldn't trace the conversation to a specific place. Like distance/location didn't matter, the volume stayed the same. So I guess it must've been coming from my head? It doesn't seem logical but if I think about it I guess that's what happened
@trolgeeeeee
@trolgeeeeee Ай бұрын
​@@nataliek878auditory hallucinations are like that they either sound like their in the back ground coming from your head or a certain direction auditory hallucinations can sound like their speaking or trying to communicate with you as many cases of conditions like shitzophrenia have patients who reports higher beings giving them commands to do very harmful things or hearing people's thoughts or entire conversations Now auditory hallucinations doesn't mean shitzophrenia but could be signs of something
@plastictrauma.3800
@plastictrauma.3800 2 ай бұрын
i’m so sorry you have to go through this. 💔 hope the absolute best for you 🙏🏽
@bobbywoemack3334
@bobbywoemack3334 9 ай бұрын
I go to sleep to this. These voices cancel the others.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 9 ай бұрын
That's really interesting. I'm glad it helps.
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
Thats actually really interresting...
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
Is it like a white noise effect or...
@littleacacia
@littleacacia 23 күн бұрын
@@Zunree1869yes but better cause its clearer
@SpiritJellyfish1
@SpiritJellyfish1 11 күн бұрын
I don’t buty that.
@7KVexus
@7KVexus 3 ай бұрын
When I'm stable and in good states it's like hearing choirs from heaven and being able to create immersive art experiences. When I'm bad it's like this on and off for days. Sometimes the "demons" tap in and start telling you horrid things, foul odors, making you question everything you are doing like, "grab that. No don't grab that one. Why would u pick thst one? You're ridiculous. This is why you're crazy. Should've picked the blue one. Blue one. Blue. What stinks so bad? Is it me? Can anyone else smell that?" Man it's annoying. When Im stable it's a thing of beauty. When I'm like this I can't even paint and I feel like Van Gogh slowly losing his mind. In that state, your brain can't capture the image and put it on paper. Instead the translation is all fuzzy and contorted with windy angles.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 2 ай бұрын
This comment resonates with me. Sounds like we experience very similar situations and hallucinations. Thanks for sharing man. I hope you're doing alright.
@Smiling_Disassociate
@Smiling_Disassociate 4 ай бұрын
i can work through this [its not like i experience this every day :D]. but all jokes aside this is HEAVILY realistic so good job!!!
@LeeAnn-v9y
@LeeAnn-v9y 4 ай бұрын
@BaconRIderUnit23 , THANK YOU! i was browsing for any positive from someone who seems to be a diagnosed etc with schizoaffective/schizophrenia.... someone who knows it from inside...
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe Ай бұрын
Lol I do experience hallucinations hearing stuff on the daily but I am technically not diagnosed with schizophrenia so I ain't schizo but I have told people that stuff and I regret a lot I have been getting called schizophrenia so much by my friend
@Transfur.Apawcalypse
@Transfur.Apawcalypse 4 күн бұрын
Hm, that's odd, when I paused the video the sounds didn't stop...
@KimTrails999
@KimTrails999 8 ай бұрын
These are just distraction to make you forget how powerful you are
@robertrhyneiii8749
@robertrhyneiii8749 6 ай бұрын
I fully agree
@VenomousRage
@VenomousRage 6 ай бұрын
Yeah like the #urbanfunk 70s campaign and kony 2012
@Shanzel_0
@Shanzel_0 5 ай бұрын
I wake up in the morning, I go to work, I work until noon, I come home, I lie on the bed, I can't sleep, I go to work again in the evening, I finish work at night, I come home at night, eat sleep (if i can), I wake up in the morning, I go to work, I work until noon, I come home, I lie on the bed, I can't sleep, I go to work again in the evening, I finish work at night, I come home at night, eat, sleep (if i can) , I wake up in the morning, I go to work, I work until noon, I come home, I lie on the bed, I can't sleep, I go to work again in the evening, I finish work at night , I come home at night, eat, sleep (if i can) , I wake up in the morning, I go to work, I work until noon, I come home, I lie on the bed, I can't sleep, I go to work again in the evening, I finish work at night, I come home at night, eat, sleep (if i can). I am very powerful
@befreextcify
@befreextcify 4 ай бұрын
You're stupid. It's EXISTENCE....and a complete lack there of....only suffering.
@loverboy78-lj9xf
@loverboy78-lj9xf 2 ай бұрын
​@Shanzel_0 :( I hate my life but yours seems agonizing
@Deepak28262
@Deepak28262 2 ай бұрын
Brother please tell me In schizophrenia, horror type sound in this video, during episode
@TheConspiredOne
@TheConspiredOne Ай бұрын
I am an alien and I understand English better than you.
@Deepak28262
@Deepak28262 Ай бұрын
@TheConspiredOne what nonsense Haven't you work Ok can I give you work , because you are just nonsense and full of trash 🗑️ bin
@Deepak28262
@Deepak28262 11 күн бұрын
@@TheConspiredOne ok but your English is weak , please more improve
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 9 ай бұрын
There are sometimes moments when i dont have this, a few days, or a week or two if i'm lucky, but it always comes back. It is massively painful. I can handle pain relatively well so if i say it is massively painful then it is really very extreme, it is really not exaggerated or sensible 😬 I have many memory gaps. Basically that is not any creepy monster sounds, it is a clear voice and a clear visible entity. It is not a bad entity at all. And it is so extreme to deal with all of this alone. It's like he is showing projections about future events. And people must be careful about a time in 1200 or 1400 years about a person. I think that other people are able to see that aswell.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
I can relate. Especially with the memory gaps. Stay strong
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 8 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose I can remember better in things that were a longer time ago. Things from workplaces or something from my time as teenager, i can't remember so good at my schooltime. I have almost every day seizures. And i can't walk to any welfare due to ME/CFS, couldn't pay this health insurance anymore, so i can't even get to an MD anymore now. There are moments when i feel good enough to make a comment or to watch a youtube video. But i won't ask for a charity online, when people noticed that i need help they tried to sexually use me. So i don't mention it. Life is hard without any family. I mean i tried to get help for years and i also spent 25.000€ for MD's in private.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 8 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose I mean i do have family, my mother sends a little bit money here and there now, my father a bit too, but it's not really paying anything, and they never come over. My mother is in a carehome since i couldn't take care of her anymore. It's complicated alone in life.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
@@kathyhhb It's nice to have family. I understand. My mother was in a carehome before she died. I'd do anything to have her back.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 8 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose It's not like that. It is now a bare minimum just, i eat only a slice of bread per day or sometimes a few spoons of soup. It's not much. I'm in a mini tent mostly outside, i have a little cooker to warm something. It barely needs fire due to how it's built, can use it with a cotton pad that i pulled through wax. A little solar power bank to charge my phone and it has a flashlight. Luckily i'm used to it cause it was in my teens the same.
@StarryNight2009._z
@StarryNight2009._z Ай бұрын
Everyone gangsta till the video ends but the voices dont
@KayoticKKK
@KayoticKKK 3 ай бұрын
I be watching psychoactive drug tier list videos so I understand 😭
@Deepak28262
@Deepak28262 2 ай бұрын
Brother it horror movie sound Can you tell me have you schizophrenia?
@QWERT-ht7vd
@QWERT-ht7vd 11 күн бұрын
Thx m8 needed this to sleep.🛌
@benodryl5311
@benodryl5311 8 ай бұрын
i got schizophrenia i have voices and sounds of beeping inside and outside of my head and although i do hear the eerie stretched sound its usually clear talking as if a real person was talking right next to me and i don’t really have much memory any more it comes and goes but most of the things i remember are all fear induced episodes that i made before and currently live in it’s extremely hard to get anything done at all when there’s multiple people in my head second guessing everything i do to confuse me and sometimes they portray people i’ve met before to make it even worse i can’t even zone then out anymore because my visual hallucinations are everywhere i look from tv static everywhere to faces and walls melting its quite stressful but i play my video games to disconnect from reality👍
@ashleynicole9036
@ashleynicole9036 8 ай бұрын
I just got done watching a podcast episode about this and I want to recommend taking a listen. Maybe give another perspective of whats really goin on. I suggest with an open mind especially if you arent spiritual. Pod cast is The Confessionals and the guest is Jerry Marzinsky. Id love to hear your input after if you decide to take a listen.
@ashleynicole9036
@ashleynicole9036 8 ай бұрын
@@benodryl5311 Sorry if it caused harder problems, i was thinking that might happen but i was hoping it wouldnt. In my personal opinion this isnt medical but spiritual, Science wants to pull us away from God. I think this could be demonic. Let me add that that doesnt mean you are evil or there is something wrong with you. I think that therapist said a lot of things that makes a lot of sense. Everyones experience could different. But with hearing the bible verse it should make you questions right? IM not sure what your beliefs are, Im not religious but lately i have been questioning a lot of things and realizing all the lies we are told. I do believe there is really a fight between good and evil for our souls. Its the only thing that make sense to me. I cant even begin to imagin the literal hell you live in everyday. My heart breaks for you. It really does. You are NOT the voices and you are not worthless or stupid. Im here trying to not push God down your throat cause i know how that can come off but i think if you have any sort of strength left and meds and doctors arent really helping seek out a higher power. Again im sorry if i triggered anything. My intentions were pure. If you ever need someone to talk to you Im willing to listen. Noone should ever feel alone. YOur worth more then you think.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
I'm sorry you're going through this. Some of your experiences sound similar to mine, so I can sympathize. It's awful that some places don't have much support when needed. Hopefully you can get some help soon.
@benodryl5311
@benodryl5311 7 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose oh tell me about it i used to try and get help from facilities because i thought i was a danger to people and myself and they neglected me in there so i’m not exactly sure where to go now with my life it’s hard to talk in person to people like a normal person so i can’t even get a basic job and even if i did i fear my outbursts will get me in really really shitty situations so i avoid everything, and same goes for you
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
@@benodryl5311 The work place needs more resources to help support people with mental health problems.
@iplayroblox60
@iplayroblox60 2 ай бұрын
the voices are overlapping this feels weird h e l p m e
@memeticks3610
@memeticks3610 4 ай бұрын
Does meditation or music drown this out or make it bearable? Is this more like a "head sound" and does it remain always in effect or occur in waves? Finally, and if this question doesn't affect mental health, as i know acknowledging some mental diseases can cause them to become more pronounced: does it localize to physical spaces or people with a strong negative or positive emotional disposition? Been only recently trying to study this phenomena, I've noticed strong overlap and potential correlation to endocrine disrupting chemicals that reduce magnesium, zinc, and increase copper levels in the brain. I'm an enthusiast, not a scientist (yet?) and the latter is the most interesting as i've wondered if heavy metals in the brain create noise or electric disruption by resonating with EMF frequency waves (which the brain then reconstructs into speech, and other auditory or visual hallucinations.)
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
I saw someone comment that this simulation of halucinations cancels out their own. So there's that.
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe Ай бұрын
Before I start this I am technically not diagnosed with schizophrenia but for me no I can't cancel it out I do hear stuff on the daily basis and see stuff too I am pretty sure I don't have it.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 9 ай бұрын
I guess time to get back to my pains and my hallucination that will soon start. Its just so extreme. Epileptic seizures a bit too. That can knock you unconscious. It almost just knocked me unconscious.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
Sorry to hear that. Sounds awful.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 8 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose Yes. But i have a little mouse as pet now. I always sat outside in the evening and cried and gave her a plum or a bit bread or some noodles. And when i wasn't outside anymore for a longer time, she made a tunnel inside and a hole in the floor and was then suddenly sitting infront of my face when i had a seizure. The mouse was looking for me. People sadly not. But i'm already used to that. I guess i was grown up without care and i first realized that i was conditioned to do everything for everyone and nothing for me. I don't like to talk about my life.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 8 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose If i can walk again i try to get an MRI or CT Scan. I have a higher damage to my brain. There happened a lot in my life 🥺
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
@@kathyhhb A scan seems important
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
@@kathyhhb This is why I like animals more than humans.
@kathyhhb
@kathyhhb 9 ай бұрын
This is so painful not even Tilidin is helping
@christopherleubner6633
@christopherleubner6633 8 ай бұрын
The overtones sound right, except mone are about two octaves higher and the voices sound normal but have a dementing or cruel quality to them. It cones and goes.😢
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
Sorry to hear that. Yeah this is one of many scenarios of what I hear. It's shit how its always cruel isn't it? It's never a positive experience.
@yuiswei439
@yuiswei439 10 ай бұрын
I am very sorry that you are faced with this disease, but now I want to ask a few questions regarding this topic (through a translator, I hope you understand) 1. do you listen to all of this with music in the background or just pure voices/whispers, etc? 2. do you hear it throughout the day without stopping, or intermittently? 3. How old were you when this disease started? 4. What caused your schizophrenia? I just write articles (in Russia) and now I need to write an article about schizophrenia, I will be glad if you answer, I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.. get well soon! ❤️‍🩹
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 10 ай бұрын
Hello. No problem, I am happy to answer your questions. I have many scenarios of hallucinations, they don’t have music but some have a long droning noise like on this simulation (if that’s what you’re referring to.) It’s mainly voices and whispers, most of which I can’t understand. Although sometimes I can understand what they are saying and its always negative. Yes I hear this all day. I hear at least some form of voices or noises 24 hours a day, every day. It’s hard to say exactly when I developed schizophrenia as it came on in stages. I would say mid teens. It’s not known exactly what causes schizophrenia but from what I understand, It’s a chemical imbalance and something that a person will have regardless of external or environmental factors. You have not offended me in any way. I think its great for people to ask questions as it will help the stigma surround illnesses like this. If you would like to know more about my experiences, I have more videos and simulations here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/op3Nq2eaZ8yBgac Good luck with your article. If I can help in any way, don’t hesitate to ask.
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe
@Theoneinthewalls-_-wewe Ай бұрын
​@@frankenmooseI am pretty sure I don't have schizophrenia but i do hear stuff on the daily basis and see stuff on the day basis and for me when I am hearing stuff it is just be littlese me on all stuff and say that you are worthless of me one and it last for hours or a minute sometimes and it sucks.
@keefnofronteefs6861
@keefnofronteefs6861 4 ай бұрын
I thought I had super powers and was able to touch and bend the voices. Also I was able to direct some voices like a choir. They were very intrusive especially in the shower or before intercourse ( which made me just stop until this day). I was prescribed respiridone and sertraline and they faded away, but I still hear a little ringing. It also directed me spiritually and now I haven't taken meds for 8 months although I keep refilling my scripts just in case. I repented and ask for forgiveness to wipe my slate .
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
This just gave me an idea
@glasstastessogood
@glasstastessogood Ай бұрын
is this a threat
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 Ай бұрын
@@glasstastessogood no why would u think it as a threat it just inspired me XD. It made ne think of something that could possibly make a noise like that and i wanted to see if i could make that vision in blender. Just a little challenge for myself is all. I meant bo harm in saying that, so to answer your question, no, its not a threat, far from it.
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 3 ай бұрын
1:40 ... HOW DO U SLEEP TO THAT!!!😂
@Deepak28262
@Deepak28262 2 ай бұрын
Horror 😨
@enhavtn
@enhavtn 3 ай бұрын
Why it make feel sleepy... 😭
@JusteWankil
@JusteWankil Ай бұрын
I listen to sleep
@bartoszklaczynski2803
@bartoszklaczynski2803 8 ай бұрын
I feel very sorry for you. I suffer from mental health too.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
Hopefully you are getting some support.
@ypu0-j4w
@ypu0-j4w 5 ай бұрын
i like this
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
Your insane, this makes me picuture some sort of mutant demon making this noise😢
@glasstastessogood
@glasstastessogood Ай бұрын
me too its nice
@ZharynGaming
@ZharynGaming 6 ай бұрын
This video makes me scared, bro😭
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 6 ай бұрын
kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHKrXpyumauKfNU Here, take this.
@my_own.god218
@my_own.god218 Ай бұрын
@@frankenmoosewow lol, I was not ready for that pleasant switch up when I clicked that link. You’re actually so sweet
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 3 ай бұрын
Thats creepy as hell
@Yesman123-d6f
@Yesman123-d6f 5 ай бұрын
This is accurate
@rogerokelley
@rogerokelley 6 ай бұрын
♦️♦️Have you ever heard of Lewy Body Dementia and hearing these sounds?? It’s awful. Serquiol is NOT helping 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😡😡
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 6 ай бұрын
Yes. My Mum died from LBD 2 years ago. She said that she could sympathize with my hallucinations and understood.
@exploringrblxgames
@exploringrblxgames 4 ай бұрын
7:12:54 hits hard
@ashleynicole9036
@ashleynicole9036 8 ай бұрын
Have a Listen to Jerry Marzinsky, Maybe it with enlighten you to what really causes this. Just have an open mind. The voices my not like what your listening to cause it will expose them but fight through it. I believe in you. I love to hear your input after.
@ashleynicole9036
@ashleynicole9036 8 ай бұрын
The Channel The Confessionals is the one i watched and highly recommend
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
I like to see different perspectives and opinions but I am very science minded. I'll look up your suggestion.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
Ok I've looked up this person. So he basically doubts science and chemical imbalances and thinks its caused by spirits and evil. This is not only dumb in my eyes, but also insulting to my intelligence. I appreciate the recommendation but I don't think its helpful or constructive to blame mystic and paranormal entities. Have fun listening though.
@ashleynicole9036
@ashleynicole9036 7 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose I wasn’t trying to be insulting, just because you don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist but you’re allowed to have your feelings. Just thought that it could be enlightening to hear another perspective which to be fair he isn’t the only one that thinks this way. There are many doctors and psychologists in the field that feel and think that some of this may be spiritual. I’m not 100% sold on the thought of it since I try to be open minded in both science and spirituality, I think there is room for both. Which is why I wanted to hear your thoughts.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
@@ashleynicole9036 I know you didn’t mean to offend and I’m not offended by your comment. I just feel that people blaming mental illness on anything spiritual, or anything with religious connotations sends us back thousands of years. Science is the definitive answer. You wouldn’t be able to connect or post comments on strangers videos without it. It cures and treats countless illnesses; explains things previously unknown, etc. We would be going backwards as a species if we start using spirituality as an answer. It’s dangerous. I have a very open mind but spirits is a very closed minded explanation. Listen, I don’t want to offend you and you can believe what you want, but I’m going to stick with thinking it’s a chemical imbalance until we have any stronger evidence. Thanks for your comment though.
@optimusprime777slap
@optimusprime777slap 7 ай бұрын
Will this give you schizophrenia if you don't have it?
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
Yeah...
@lindarobertson1122
@lindarobertson1122 6 ай бұрын
😂😅​@@frankenmoose
@Zunree1869
@Zunree1869 2 ай бұрын
I hope not😂
@lolkthnxbai
@lolkthnxbai 8 ай бұрын
POV: you have never slept better in your whole life.
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
I don't understand...
@jayteeem2540
@jayteeem2540 8 ай бұрын
​@@frankenmoosei think they used this as background noise to fall asleep to
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
@@jayteeem2540 Ok fair enough. It's interesting that someone would use this to help them sleep.
@bradenminestar
@bradenminestar 2 ай бұрын
@@frankenmooseI am using it for the first time to go to sleep. It's better than hearing nothing. It's like diphenhydramine. I don't know, okay never mind fuck this I am not sleeping to this shit.
@rated_tox1c990
@rated_tox1c990 7 ай бұрын
tbh I been using this in the background of me gaming and its not bad, I actually would rather this than to hear nothing my head all. I can still keep up with everything while listening. Might even swap to this instead of music
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 7 ай бұрын
You're so brave, big and strong. "its not bad" is easy to say when you don't experience it 24/7.
@rated_tox1c990
@rated_tox1c990 7 ай бұрын
@@frankenmoose I never said it would be easy all the time, just said I kinda like hearing it over nothing. Either way I’ll take this over voices😭
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 6 ай бұрын
@@rated_tox1c990 I'm sorry. I thought you were just a troll and doesn't hear voices. I find it hard to understand some people's comments in tone
@KazımÜlker
@KazımÜlker 8 ай бұрын
😅😮🫨😶
@KimTrails999
@KimTrails999 8 ай бұрын
Don't listen to voices, they're worthless chime ins 😏👉 You're doing great, do you know how awesome you are
@frankenmoose
@frankenmoose 8 ай бұрын
Thanks. I'm far from awesome but I am stronger than I used to be.
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