10 Worst Ways to Destroy the Chemistry between your Characters

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Sometimes romance sucks! Chemistry is the emotional connection between people, and while some romance writers have it mastered, others fail miserably. So, I’m breaking down the 10 quickest ways to destroy the chemistry between your characters so you can avoid these mistakes in your writing. These points include telling vs showing, not writing romantic dialogue, using insta-love, and more. If you want to save your characters and your book reviews, do not make ANY of these mistakes! And if you want to make sure you’re writing good romantic chemistry between characters, are avoiding the mistakes writers make when writing relationships, or you want to steer clear of the most popular romance writing mistakes, this video has your name all over it. Oh, and don’t go anywhere-the very last point will make or break your romance. 😑
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[@huldanoren951]

Honestly, if executed correctly, a romance between two completely silent people told entirely through action would be really interesting

[@GuineaPig361]

It's called "WALL-E."

[@dreyhawk]

You can have two deaf people who communicate through sign language and written word.

[@Coffnist_Charm]

Of couse their are many other way to communicate with each other then just talking.

[@kellharris2491]

Little Mermaid quote." Don't underestimate the importance of body language!"

[@laurasalo6160]

I'm gonna try writing this into my story. Great suggestion. So much can be said without speaking a word to the person. They can interact with others in their midst and relay character traits, beliefs and intentions etc thru their actions. You learn a lot from observing people from a distance and speak volumes with just a look or a gesture. Has anyone got a recommendation for a love story sub plot that does this moderately well...? I'm not much of a fantasy reader. I've read the Hobbit I'm just beginning to dip my toe into fantasy (lol actually I have no toes). Cheers.

[@Pajali]

One if the worst chemistry killers for me is when one character is trying WAY harder than the other to make the relationship work. One book had the man being very understanding and giving while the woman was constantly late, uncommunicative, and assumed the worst about her love interest at every turn, and none of that was ever addressed as being disfunctional. If one character has to carry the other person’s emotional baggage for the entire novel, I’m rooting for them to break up.

[@rowenaravenclaw7335]

that sounds so much like tiger's curse 😭

[@lexvt3551]

Oh God, I HATE that

[@hornetsilksong]

This killed Haida x Retsuko for me. At first I was rooting for it in s1 but then he was simping for her even after she rejected him like 2 times AND he dumped his new girlfriend instead of moving on from his crush.

[@amjthe_paleosquare9399]

When watching the Book of Life, Maria looked like that and annoyed my sister and I. Maria was too empowered to be an active part of the love triangle

[@g.d.graham2446]

Makes sense

[@Septic-Hearts]

This is basically just Jenna roasting the hell out of Twilight for 14 minutes.

[@jackweevious]

When I read this I was dieing laughing

[@jollyproductions8314]

Tbh, yes and she has every right 😤 😂

[@allisonn6056]

Ugh! Twilight was AWFUL!! DX It definitely needs the roast! I liked Twilight, but only for the supernatural elements. The love story was complete trash and Bella and Edward (Bella was worse) as characters were as stale as a ten year old McDonald's cheese burger -.- Frankly the story probably would have been better if Bella had went to find the Volturi to go get turned and then fallen in love with Alec or Jane. Imagine if she'd had a half human half vampire child with Alec. How would the powers be different? But that doesn't even mention the suicidal themes and how they're so romanticized. Or the amount of racism and sexism and how Edward is abusive to Bella

[@Belacqua-ty2nr]

Oh, this was hilarious. I loved it

[@notobama7562]

Or Romeo & Juliet

[@jessdrawsit7060]

The reason I hate insta-love isn't necessarily because it's unbelievable (I'm reading about fae kings and demon girls, after all). I hate it because that gap where the couple is starting to fall for each other and are beginning to recognize/struggle with their emotions IS THE BEST PART OF A ROMANCE!!

[@vixen2ne1]

Right! Insta-love doesn't give the reader enough time to fall in love with the relationship. We totally start to and then BAM! they're married in domestic bliss and we must be content with other nonsense shaking shit up to keep the story interesting.

[@ivylilybasket]

The only fantasy romance I've read where insta love was done well was His Secret Illuminations by Scarlett Gale. Both characters fall in love when they see each other, but there's plenty of romantic and sexual tension between the couple because the guy was raised in a monastery and taught extremely repressed and negative ideas, while she's trying to be respectful and not predatory towards him, so you know they're extremely attracted to each other but they don't want to tread upon boundaries and they also try to first bond in a non-romantic way before moving onto the "next base". There's plenty of struggle with emotions, I think it's a variation of the "forbidden love" trope where they want to, but they think / know they really shouldn't. Unfortunately a lot of other romance stories starting with "we really shouldn't" premise have the characters abandon all reason very quickly and start shagging while having faint moments of guilt for 5 minutes then back to lusting. It's a similar problem in enemies to lovers that many of them disregard the enemy part and are like "this is my enemy, but they're hot, so whatever, who cares". This robs the story of tension.

[@DS-mi9ru]

Insta-horny is the only thing that happens on the first time you see a person you like.

[@anti-usernamesaltaccount3623]

Instead, have one of the characters, who normally hates showing anything about themself, slowly open up due to necessity and omg it turns out the other person is SO into the first one’s real personality as they slowly find out more and what’s this??? Character 1 actually making a friend for once in his damn life????? Good job Dudley.

[@GACHAShadow-cb5kf]

Tbf I'm currently writing a story where my mc does feel attracted to the love interest the first time he sees it but he doesn't begin to actually fall in love with him until he gets to know him more

[@rolariee6705]

Nothing kills chemistry faster for me than a authors extrem refusal to show emotional vulnerability in men/masculine presenting people, because it makes the person less appealing and sexy??? It makes me so unbelievable dumbfounded. Men/masculine presenting people are not here to be your personal little Ken doll, if you can't handel them having feelings and expressing them, the doors over there 👉🚪 We need more vulnerability in fictional men/masculine presenting people, especially in hetro romance. Let them feel man.

[@rolariee6705]

How are you supposed to care about their romance when the Female/ Feminine Presenting MC is under the whole book spilling their guts out for their male/masculine presenting love interest BUT they're not allowed the same because "It WiLl RuIn ThE sEx ApPeAl" Grow up.

[@VNightmoon]

This is something I strive to do to all my male (presenting) characters, regardless of their relationship to other people. Even the most jaded, badass, "manly" character needs his moments of emotional vulnerability, otherwise he's at best, just a boring cardboard cutout, and at worst, an unlikable asshole.

[@rolariee6705]

@@VNightmoon couldn't have said it better ♡

[@allisonn6056]

I whole heartedly agree. All characters need to show emotion at some point. I mean, look at the vampire diaries, the originals, and supernatural. Sam and Dean cry or tear up on multiple occasions. Badass Damon cries a few times, and the pokerfaced, even tempered Elijah breaks down into tears at least twice in the series. Even the strongest of male characters experience emotional pain and that should be shown. That being said, I don't know that it's because people can't handle them having feelings. I think it's because of gender stereotypes they might just not know any better. Women aren't men, maybe they haven't seen men cry, or show emotion. They're taught not to show their negative emotions beyond anger. A lot of men I know think it's a weakness, so they do their best not to ever show certain emotions and if they do, they feel embarrassed about it. I have personally only seen men in my life cry on two occasions, and that's it. My dad. The only two times he ever cried in front of me was when he knew he emotionally hurt the family and let them all down while we sobbed in front of him, and the other was after a bad accident with someone we knew and seeing the damage that resulted. So if I've only seen a man that I know cry twice, then I wouldn't doubt if other women have similar experiences or maybe haven't seen men cry at all. Both genders are taught that men don't show emotion because it makes them weak (even though it definitely doesn't) and maybe seeing the result makes them feel that because they don't see it, it must not exist. As silly as that sounds, I think it's possible that this could be why men are written the way they are

[@rolariee6705]

@@allisonn6056 hopefully now with the more newer generation, we can have more men/masculine presenting people be openly emotional and express emotions openly like their woman/feminine Presenting counterparts without feeling weak or ashamed.

[@edenmckinley3472]

If you wanted an adorkable love confession, just have the guy go "Oh. Thank you." And then an awkward pause, and then he realizes he should say something back and he goes "Me too, of course." Which is honestly what I would do if someone told me they were in love with me.

[@anti-usernamesaltaccount3623]

“Hey… uhm… do you ever feel the way towards someone that Ms. Maupin describes feeling towards her dead husband?” “Cherice Maupin’s husband is dead???” “…How did you not know that?” “I don’t work with her.” “Ohhhhhh.” “Anyways, what did Cherice Maupin say about her dead husband.” “She said that being around him was the best experience she’d ever had. That they made each other happier, and wanted to spend their lives together.” “…Yeah, I think I might’ve… might currently feel that for someone.” “You do?” “Yeah. I thought that feeling only happened after marriage, but now...” “Oh. I don’t know how you came to that conclusion.” “Do you feel that way about someone, Edith?” “…I feel happier around you.” (Book ends)

[@edenmckinley3472]

@@anti-usernamesaltaccount3623 Best love confession I've ever read 😆

[@anti-usernamesaltaccount3623]

@@edenmckinley3472 new trope just dropped: A is awkward towards everyone but B and B is only awkward around A.

[@cadencepoetica8356]

It's the Star Wars thing... "I love you." "I know." 😂

[@ludovico6890]

I don't write romance, but sex and relationships show up in every genre, so these advices are for everyone.

[@jamesphillips92jp]

Xkcd's formula for maximum age difference is you can't date anyone younger than half your age + 7 years. I'm not sure I can endorse it in all cases, but at least it excludes most of the creepier age differences.

[@ludovico6890]

@@jamesphillips92jp I don't know either, but a quick use of this formula indicates that my MC has girlfriends and lovers well within the limits. He may be a cad, but he's not a creep. Now for the badguys, that is another matter entirely.

[@Eloweh]

What do you write? I’m just wondering

[@ludovico6890]

@@Eloweh I write crime fiction, mostly.

[@Eloweh]

@@ludovico6890 have you published? Or do it for fun

[@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155]

Something that ruined one of my favorite ships was the constant bickering and being apart ninety percent of the screen time. It kind of ruined their chemistry and I just got tired of them.

[@thechipkid5554]

What book?

[@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155]

@@thechipkid5554 not a book. It’s Mileven

[@thechipkid5554]

@@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155 ohhhh, yeah makes sense

[@projectpat8807]

@@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155, wow. I completely called that from the original comment and not opening the replies. Mike and Eleven from Stranger Things immediately came to mind. It is kind of frustrating that they keep finding ways to keep the two apart for majority of the seasons. Season 1 was the only season we got the most screen time of them together and everything was good between them. Season 2, Hopper was keeping Eleven hidden. Plus Eleven went on that subplot to discover what home and family and friends were. Season 3, they were together/in the same room and stuff, but they were fighting and not really talking for most of the season, and when they were getting along and talking, they were more like friends than a couple or trying to piece stuff together when it came to the major threat/villain of the season. Then Season 4, they were fighting again and pulled apart even more because Eleven got arrested and then went to get her powers back. She and Mike weren't reunited until the end of the second to last episode (Mike was also completely absent from Season 4's 7th episode). But then the last episode, Eleven spent most of her time in the Upside Down and stuff (mentally). And then in the Season 4 epilogue/aftermath (the two days later stuff), there really wasn't any one-on-one moment between the two. The two were more focused on others in their lives. Plus in the final shot, Eleven is standing alone while Mike is like 10-20 feet behind her standing with Will. The show just continues to butcher Mike and Eleven with each season. Season 1 was the only time they got to have the most interaction and positive/good interaction since when they are together in Season 2, 3, and 4, they are always fighting and stuff. I'm pretty much over the two.

[@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155]

@@projectpat8807 my exact thoughts. I’m honestly not surprised such a big part of the fandom was gone team byler(personally, I like both. It really depends on the mood I’m in when I search for fanfiction on a ship).

[@willowdigger617]

12:20 actually sounds like a good dynamic for a friendship. The immortal spirit struggling with their past mistakes, and a carefree child who hasn’t been ruined by the world yet. And the spirit can mentor the kid on how to be more prepared for the gritty real world, and the kid teaches the spirit how to be happy and enjoy the simple things. Ok I’m saving that for later. Edit: I fixed it and thanks for the likes

[@willowdigger617]

Oop I meant gritty not fruity autocorrect is being funnny today

[@newcreationstudios]

Wooahhh, that's actually a really smart book idea. You should write something like that maybe.

[@willowdigger617]

@@newcreationstudios thanks 😊

[@yoyolex5976]

LMFAOOO THE FRUITY

[@jackweevious]

I already put that in a story, except the mortal is in her twenties and has been ruined by the world already and the spirit was originally trying to take over her body and there’s no romance

[@emmapierskalla7622]

OK, one of the ones I HATE is when there is a woman and there are 2 guys that like her, and instead of forcing her to choose one under normal circumstances, one just dies, forcing her to chose the remaining one. It could be to avoid love triangles, but STOP doing it this way. Especially bad when she was fawning over the one that dies in front of the other guy. I'm talking to you 'Lost City"...

[@montewright111]

“..force…” ??

[@emmapierskalla7622]

@@montewright111 forcing as in there's no one else to pick. It's a way to manipulate that situation instead of making the character have to choose. Plot driven instead of character.

[@allisonn6056]

Saving Hope dances around on a love triangle, but makes the romance between two of the characters not as epic because they knew they were going to kill one of the men off (actor requested it because he was the main character for an American show and that show. Two different countries with two kids and a wife was too difficult being the main character for both, so he either had to get some opportunity like working abroad, or die. He wanted death and they respected it. I'd say coma, but given how those work in that show, it wouldn't be an option like it would in any other series) but they weren't trying to do it for plot or anything. I think they even ended up having the woman make the choice but it's been a while since I've seen the show

[@rsacchi100]

It's annoying but it's used so often there must be a demand for it. It is a good way to all but guarantee the loser in the triangle won't come back. As the saying goes; love interests come and go but ex-es are for life.

[@emmapierskalla7622]

@@rsacchi100 LMAO foolproof way to make sure...unless dealing with resurrection. JK

[@SophiaRavenna]

The extreme age gap is a regular topic of conversation in a writing group I'm part of, usually one of us grumbling because we were really enjoying something we read until suddenly we realized the 17 y/o main character was falling in love with a hundreds or even thousands of years old supernatural being who just happens to look 19.

[@kappadarwin9476]

Yeah that kind of thing is something you have to turn your brain off to. It use to be considered rule of cool. This happens a lot in male targeted paranormal romance. I almost checked out of isekai when I began thinking about an older guy getting reincarnated with his old life in tact courting someone who is almost a decade younger than he is.

[@AnnaMno1]

@@kappadarwin9476 That happens in shoujo isekai as well. And sometime it feels like the characters make really stupid decissions for someone thats meant to be an adult. My thought process has found a way to still be able to enjoy it, my headcannon is to see them as the age they are in this new life. They are an 'old soul', mature but with a still developing brain. They aren't their old age from their previous life, or the combination of the ages of the two lives together, they are simply the age they appear in that world, who happen to be mature in comparison to others of their age. Their memories are simply like a story they remember.

[@kakashiXAino]

What about age gap between two adults? Example 28 & 48

[@diablalyssa]

chemistry is so much more important than physical attraction because physical attractiveness is subjective! if you describe the LI as tall and muscular with long brown hair... okay, AUTHOR might find that attractive, MC might find that attractive, but the reader might not! there's gotta be more to LI than just their looks thanks Jenna for another great video!!

[@d.robertdigman1293]

Yes indeed! Also, if there is no chemistry, how is any reader expected to relate to the relationship in the first place?

[@blackhagalaz]

Exactly! My MC for example is extremely disfigured due to a past traumatic event. So he masks himself most of the time, and therefore gets more negative attention due to his looks, by most people. He builds a friendship and later a romance with my other MC, entirely by being a caring person towards her(because well being hot is not an option) . In a world where women are supresssed by society, he supports her and her decisions. He more then once risks his life for her and vice versa. They start of disliking each other in the beginning of the book. Their snarky arguments however, tone down the more they see the good in each other. They respect the other person and eventually their fights turn into flirty haggles with each other. They laugh, they have their backs, and they trust each other. It's so fun to make them build this chemistry. Especially writing scenes where they would really like to blatantly tell how much they admire the other person, and instead just chicken out, because they both can't wrap their head around the fact that they are falling in love.

[@em-635]

i like when the LI has unconventionally attractive features, because usually the author will explain WHY the MC likes/is attracted to them, instead of just stating "they are attractive" xD

[@d.robertdigman1293]

@@em-635 That has the advantage as well of not only getting the romance going, but giving a bit more characterisation about the MC! I love it when our story elements serve multiple purposes!

[@ivylilybasket]

Omg, this, I'm tired of romance where the LI is "tall, muscular, rich, mysterious" but has zero personality, you could replace him with a mannequin with a wallet and nobody would spot the difference.

[@brianrossow6550]

"... without intention and effort, there is no chemistry." Best advice I've heard in writing or real romance.

[@Plasticplas1]

I'm trying to create an awkward anti-romance in my story where its just not happening and I'm pleased that I can check off all of these.

[@zakosist]

I wonder if "anti-romance" is an actual genre. Hope your eventual readers aren't expecting real romance, or worse MISTAKING it for real romance after reading it. But not against the idea

[@thesocialistsarecoming8565]

A satire i didnt know i needed.

[@Rosemont104]

Another way to kill any chemistry is to have one half of the pairing stand in the corner and pine bitterly after the, at first, unattainable other half, until the end where author hands this other half on a silver platter through no effort on part of the former.

[@amjthe_paleosquare9399]

If someone under the age of mental maturity (25)... Oh, god. THANK. YOU. People get hyperfocused on the oh-so-pivotal number 18 that they ignore that a 19 yr. ol is STILL a teen in many cases. Legal label on your ability to vote does not decide whether you're ready to date someone way older than you. I should know, as a 22 yr old :/ Edit: So at one point I was discussing age gaps with someone on Insta (stupid decision), who was also hyperfocused on the pivotal number 18. My parents have a 1-2 yr gap, and started dating when they were 15-16, so at one point dad was a legal adult before mom, but that only lasted 1 year 5 months. The user went into patronizing mode like: Aw, look at you, trying to normalize that :) Bruh, I even stated I'm not form the US.

[@em-635]

people act like a 17 and 18-year-old together is weird but somehow an 18 year old and a 30 year old is acceptable T_T

[@xAlecto]

See /that/ is the reason why we have consent laws, not so 30-40 year olds can get together with 16-18 year olds.

[@kappadarwin9476]

Yeah Kids need time to mature and figure things out, I don't get why someone would want to date an 18 year old it just feels weird.

[@amjthe_paleosquare9399]

@@kappadarwin9476 That low key looks like lawful predatory (you'd go for the youngest possible legal option)

[@Nine_Crows_Down]

I remember some advice I saw one, write the characters as friends for 8/10ths of the book and then started their romantic relationship with that bond you created before

[@warriormaiden9829]

THIS.

[@bobi200samatar6]

The thing with the 1000+ year old love interest is that at that point, the age difference becomes sort of abstract. We don't know what someone with that amount of life experience would act like. Maybe it's like animal years, where turning 300 is the equivalent of being a teenager. That's how I usually see such characters.

[@Rikrobat]

So, I am someone who likes age-difference in romances, provided that it’s appropriate and that the story shows how the characters can make their differences work. I’m absolutely here for mortal-immortal couples, but don’t write your immortal being immature and inconsistent just so they jive easily with the mortal. Build their chemistry through the age and knowledge conflict. How do they learn to compromise, and what can they teach each other (not just one constantly “educating” the other).

[@NyssasOrbit]

THIS. YOU GET IT

[@IfautahSkimm]

I am with you only if the mortal is above 18 years old. Inmortal + teenager is still p**ophilia.

[@Rikrobat]

@@IfautahSkimm - Oh, for sure. I also mentioned that I want the relationship to be appropriate, as in, not predatory.

[@IfautahSkimm]

@@Rikrobat Lol I feel I needed to specify because some of these news YA novels are gross.

[@Rikrobat]

@@IfautahSkimm - Oh absolutely, though I would argue it’s less about the specific age and more about the maturity/experience of the characters. There isn’t THAT much difference between a 16yo and an 18yo-it’s not like becoming legal by law suddenly makes you mature or more aware of the world. I would be bothered if the relationship is predatory, even if the human is “age-legal.” It can be more obvious to see something as predatory when the younger someone is, but being 18 doesn’t suddenly make it okay. To clarify, I’m not saying “I wrote a mature 16yo in my story so it’s okay” works as a justification either. Just pointing out that a lot of people get hung up on the actual age and not the reasons why the relationship is predatory.

[@SysterYster]

I'm reading a book rn... and like, the girl falls in love with a literal douchebag, but we're supposed to think it's funny that he says dumb shit, tried to kiss her without consent (gets slapped), follows her, has controlling and jealous behaviour from the first moment they meet... and every other character goes: "Awww, she's in love, she just doesn't wanna admit it yet. So cute." And it would be fine if the character said it, and it wasn't true. But the thing is, it IS meant to be that way. She IS falling in love... also, there are TWO other characters that she talks to, laughs with, likes to be with... but nono, can't like THEM. Gotta fall in love with the character that makes you angry, makes you hit him, makes you feel uncomfortable. Like, WHY??? Please, writers, don't do this. It's NOT cute.

[@kappadarwin9476]

I read a book just like that, the main heroine like a guy who is an absolute jerk to her but her friend who is nice and jokes with her she calls him boring behind his back.

[@SysterYster]

@@kappadarwin9476 It's such trash. I mean, who in real life does that? Nobody. Because most people like to be around folks we like. Sure, there are people who are with those they shouldn't, but those usually start out nice, then get more and more controlling and violet with time. They don't start that way and the girls go "Wow, he's so cute". And there's a reason for that. Ugh.

[@ariartsy9220]

Is it After? Or is this just an entire genre of romance.

[@kappadarwin9476]

@@ariartsy9220 For me the book is called Fallen.

[@SysterYster]

@@ariartsy9220 No, it's a story on Wattpad. I hate it. XD It's sad, really, because the worldbuilding was great. Just not the characters or the "romance" part. Or the action. lol. But I've read many like that, both published and not. It's such a sad and disgusting trope. What's wrong with having people actually like and respect each other? XD

[@AnnaMno1]

I also don't believe in love at first sight, or insta-love, but I can believe in an infatuation during a first meeting, where a character is drawn towards another upon their first interaction with one another. I can even accept that when both characters are teenagers this might get mistaken as love by the protagonist. However in romances with adult characters I expect them to be capable of noticing that it's not actually love, but just an inital attraction.

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

Exactly! Love at first sight doesn’t exist. What exists is ATTRACTION at first sight. Attraction can develop into love, but you can’t truly love someone you don’t actually know.

[@saku577]

So true about the dialogues, I've read many a bad romance where the supposed lovers hardly ever talk about anything, and if they do, it's just "witty banter" that, more often than not, is just the characters insulting each other and making each other angry, then sneering at the other's anger. It makes me really uncomfortable.

[@jordanr.2120]

"I understand that sexual attraction is a thing that exists" is such an ace mood

[@walteroakley9115]

Why do I get the feeling that our cyborg queen really doesn't like a franchise that has vampires that "shimmer"?

[@Zarreth]

Before a revamp, my love story was just sad in the bad way. She was just with the mc because they were both outcasts. Hit a lot of this list. Luckily, I came up with a million times better romance between the two by having them finally get together before the final chapters while still utilizing alot of the story. It's far from the main focus of the story but simply rearranging that made the story as a whole better as well.

[@Thorax2552]

Why do long term relationship characters still act like they're in the "honeymoon phase"? We all know real love in long term relationships is demonstrated by both lovers constantly roasting each other XD

[@kuromisa_cosplay]

Thanks for making this! Sometimes I have trouble with romance, since I’m not too much of an romantic myself-

[@fraserhighland4438]

Romance Rich boy poor girl Pride and Prejudice INTJ ENFP Jane Eyre ENTJ INFP Shades of Grey ENTJ INFP Twilight INFJ ISFP True blood INTJ ESFP Rich girl poor boy Notebook ISFP ESFJ Titanic ESFP ISFP Dirty Dancing ESTP INFP Grease ESFP ISFJ Ten Things I hate about you ISTP INTJ

[@eeriedan]

YES, INAPPROPRIATE AGE GAPS. HATE THOSE SO MUCH. What I hate more is people defending it. Understandably it’s usually FRESH FRESH adults or predators that defend it. 😭

[@Anne-pd2hk]

AMEN. I once dated a guy when I was 19 and he was 29. Yes, I was an "adult," but my life and his were different planets. I was stressed about finals and whether or not my dorm mates liked me and all the silly social things that happen in college (even though I was working two jobs, had an internship, had to do volunteer work to keep a scholarship, and my parents gave me zero money for school -- so it wasn't like I was pampered or immature). He was stressed about paying his mortgage, work deadlines, and his aging parents. Could not relate AT ALL, even though I could sorta sympathize with things beyond my overstressed reality. We were just at different stages of life, and sometimes those stages are too far apart to work. There's a reason they have the half plus seven rule for dating.

[@kayleighbrown459]

I'm not really defending it as much as I'm defending the rights of adults to do what they want. Like, a 21 year old going out with a 31 year old is kinda gross but so is trying to insist that she doesn't know her own mind enough to concent. It just seems super dehumanising, ya know? Like, I totally see why people take issue with it but....idk.

[@laurenaspreyart]

As long as their both adults and the older one isn’t old enough to be the younger ones parent, I don’t see it as a huge issue. It depends on the individuals and what stage of life their in. There’s 15 years between my Nan and grandad. She was mid twenty’s and he was late thirties when they met. I’m not saying big age gaps are never dodgy or gross. I’ve come across books where they have a 19 year old is dating a guy in his 30s/40s and that makes me uncomfortable. But at the end of the day when alls said and done, consenting adults have the right to love each other and be together. Big age gaps don’t always have to mean “imbalanced power dynamics” or “predator and vulnerable person”

[@lilowhitney8614]

It's fiction... People can enjoy whatever they want in fiction because it's not real...

[@leechilo]

Try the discourse with *fantasy fiction* it gets worse. 2000 year old with 20 year olds lol.

[@Bluesuffolk]

I listened to half of a paranormal romance recently returned it in disgust because the heroine was absolutely insufferable and mean. Her initial distrust of the hero made sense, but then she went on and in about how he was the only one who satisfied her while also going on and on about she didn't trust him and wanted to kill him (yes, kill him, like make him unalive), and I want to yell at her to go get a cucumber or something.

[@tohrurikku]

A problem I have seen in the past is that once they did the deed, things changed so much that reading the book was no longer fun. There also has to be a reason the main character chose the love interest they did. I have seen too many times when the main character chose someone they did not really care about beforehand, and what made it worse was there were other characters who were much better choices that were overlooked. What is considered as adorkable can change over time, so if you have a character that is the current adorkable standard it will not date well. Same thing with any description that is based on the current standards. I have a few books from over forty years ago, and the descriptions did not age that well. Yet, I am sure many authors are not thinking about people reading their works xx years from now and taking that into consideration when writhing their books. It may not be a good thing in fiction, but I had a coworker who claims that when she met her other half she instantly fell in love and knew he was the one, and she moved in with him immediately afterwards. So it can happen in real life. Although, as someone else once told me, finding someone is easy, keeping them is the hard part.

[@schoo9256]

Re "insta love"... my husband of ten years and I knew we wanted to get married about a week into dating. My parents have been together 40 years and got married after less than a year together. I know another couple who have been together for 15 years, and I found out recently they got engaged within 2 weeks of meeting. Committing after very little time is often a red flag, but it is also actually weirdly common in a lot of long-lasting couples, once you start noticing. It's strange af.

[@mastertofu]

I think it's fine for a human teenage to date some creature a decades older _provided_ that that creature is in the teenage stage of their lives as well. If this fantasy person reaches adulthood at 200 and is 170 years old dating a human at 17, they would have similar mental maturity.

[@englishandcompositionlearn6745]

I agree with you. I also disagree 100% with this modern tendency to get so hung up over these kinds of age differences in paranormal romance. Many (in fact I believe most) of these immortal beings are creatures who were "turned" as teenagers or young adults. Thus, it would make sense that despite their chronological age, they still have the desires of people in that age group. Would it make sense, say, for a vampire kid who was turned at 17 to be going after a mortal 35-year-old? Probably not. What's more, if he still looks the part of a 17-year-old, then what would that say about his mortal love interest? I say it depends on the story, and we're getting into a very slippery kind of slope if we start trying to enforce these kinds of rigid codes on every story. It really depends on context.

[@reverendmorgano9659]

The trope that sickens me, and one that is total BS, is the love interest is in a relationship with a total tool that is literally everything that could possibly be toxic and still remotely call themselves a human being to the point of being a mustache twirling cartoon villain yet the only person that can't see it is the love interest themselves. Or the same scenario with one or more parent pushing for them to stay with the tool simply because they like them while literally everyone and everything other than them hates the idiot. This trope has been done to death and it's sickening every time it's revisited. Is someone really attracted to a person so vapid they can't tell that the knuckle dragger they're with who kicks puppies is a horrible individual they do not need in their life? If so then they have serious mental issues themselves and probably shouldn't be anywhere near other people or sharp objects.

[@wakrusgumbo]

I've got two characters in my book who I Do Not Want to hook up, but they're the leads and "Enemies to lovers" is a thing. Can you do a list of *good* ways to break a romance/forecast it's not going to happen?

[@6000countingdown]

I would love to see a piece of media with teenager/immortal romance where the immortal looks its age but everything else is the same: Immortal still attends high school for some reason, other characters still seem ignorant to the fact that this person hasn't graduated/moved on in life, the protagonist still finds the immortal instantly and inexplicably attractive, etc....

[@Newfiecat]

Lol! I'm imagining this incredibly ancient, shriveled old person attending high school and dating a teen 😬

[@CirquedJoy]

Wouldn't that be romanticizing necrophilia?

[@sammysandy]

Twilight?

[@Akigirl2004]

Communication is key, but damn, all I can think about is Wall-E or Your Name where there is little communication. Like...Your Name has you screaming at the screen for Taki and Mitsuha to meet up. It is the sweetest, most wholesome, OMG why!!! romance I have ever witnessed in my life. No kiss. No verbal declaration of love. But it will have your heart on a rollercoaster of breaking and soaring. They're hardly even in the same room together but, damn, do I ship it.

[@therayldeal6683]

Really glad you mention developmental maturity in this video because it is often overlooked [21-25 for women and 23-27 for men (according to my educational psychology courses)]. This may be the first video I've ever seen to mention it though in regards to any storytelling medium (video games, movies, and books), and I truly enjoy that. Great video!

[@Iso20227]

I fell under #2 “Say something, Anything”. My characters never talked to each other, they hardly knew each other, and they were in love for some reason. I had a moment where I “almost” fell into #3 “This doesn’t exist” (insta-love), but I decided, “hell nah, that’s boring and stupid and it ruins their whole relationship structure.”

[@blackkittyfreak]

For my sci-fi story, which involves a love triangle, I designed the characters based on astrological stereotypes to help flesh them out and make it easier for them to complement each other. The main character is a stereotypical Aquarius, who are said to match best with Sagittarius (the MC's best friend with romantic tension), but this pairing can fling itself apart due to them both having high-energy, heavily dynamic personalities. Leo, on the other hand (the alternative love interest), tends to butt heads with Aquarius, but if they can make it work, the relationship will round out the worst aspects of both their personalities and they will both grow immensely as people in the process. I don't believe astrological signs actually have any real influence on us, but it's a nice starting point for developing character personalities and relationships without having to draw too heavily from your own limited experience.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

Y'all ever be struggling with something in your writing, and then Jenna's next video addresses it. This is the third time now, is it just me?

[@SharonSaundersRealEstate]

Thanks for this video. I don't think I've dipped into any of these, but I'll look out for them during the next one.

[@idiotwithopinions581]

Perfect timing! Thank you Jenna!

[@britt6184]

I usually have the protagonist and his/her love interest be two of the most important characters along with having them be traveling companions if there is some kind of journey/quest involved. That might be predictable but it does give me time to develop the romance in a(hopefully) realistic way.

[@hiyalanguages]

The value of this channel cannot be put into words. Thank you, Jenna!

[@reggienone966]

"Dialogue. ... characters barely talk to one another ... You can't skip the witty banter." I don't write romance, but my detectives have known each other for almost twenty years, they joke, they make (non-hurtful) jokes at the other's expense. The next person wo tells me I am writing in too much witty banter is getting a link to this video. And thank you.

[@reggienone966]

@Linda Les Hopefully YOU know what you're talking about because at least one of us should. It's nice that your brother is "chilling" with a stab wound from running from the cops on the couch.

[@llamasmeowing2061]

“Dangling the carrot “ Wait until Jenna watches Miraculous Ladybug

[@sslord3899]

Oh NO! it practically has every romance trope she hates pluse more for good measure XD

[@Shatterverse]

Sadly, there's plenty of couples who "are hot" and that's it. It's worse when there's nothing in their heads but water vapor. It's even worse than that when they share their only mutual brain cell.

[@melantharosewood]

I clicked fast on this video because one, I love you and your content, and two, I really do need this when I do start writing my couples in my stories! Cuz the last thing I want is another form of WLW rep getting butchered unintentionally on my part.

[@anikalynn8652]

Some readers like instalove. It's become its own trope.

[@odinson2273]

Kind of exists in reality

[@anikalynn8652]

@@odinson2273 especially in this hook-up culture of Tinder, plenty of fish, and FB dating just to name a few.

[@davidholmgren659]

Excellent video... Really hits me in my writing.

[@vixen2ne1]

One of the better romances I read was this scifi / fantasy / action / romance trilogy where the first book was the strangers-to-lovers part of the relationship and the MC had not one but two men in her life that were potential love interests (no love triangle, just options), the first stranger she had the lust on for while the second stranger she had amazing chemistry with. Throughout most of the book I thought this situation was going to dissolve into a messy love triangle where she couldn't make up her mind who she wanted to be with (i kept reading because the other elements of the plot had me hooked) but then she gets with captain chemistry without any humming or hawing or leading either one on. I frickin loved it, it felt so natural to read and experience, but a lot of people online hated the choice the MC went with because the other guy was charming, younger (everyone was +25yrs), and better looking. The hate was why the trilogy never got popular and it boils my blood because the author did everything on Jenna's list right but could so easily not have. And that's not fair. Healthy, organic relationships that are complex but not childish should be popular in modern literature, not the crap that's currently popular.

[@niamhhenderson8380]

Hey, can you send me the title of the trilogy, please?

[@vixen2ne1]

It's the Clockwork series by Dru Pagliassotti

[@Africanlovestory]

Some people read because they have wild imaginations and want to get lost in a world that doesn't exist, a world where things don't happen like they happen in real life. So writing a realistic book sometimes doesn't do it for those group of people.

[@acidic9358]

I did read a comic book with a big age difference: however it was a book about immortal gods and the chemistry was far better written that most other books about the two.

[@lalatheia]

Not a romance author but I want to build a really great, real feeling romance for my fantasy book. Great video, Jenna. :)

[@JLAShazam]

12:06 “that’s around 25” me being 26 and way more immature then when I was 18 👀 lol

[@kayleighbrown459]

I love a good May December romance. Something about those clashing of separate worlds just does it for me. But that might be because I find Romance as a genre kinda boring and need some external drama to keep me engaged.

[@britt6184]

Same. I love romance in stories but I hate the romance genre.

[@Salukiprincess]

Yup, same here. Gotta spice the romance up for me to enjoy it, lol.

[@floratinuviel2762]

Hi Jenna, just to say thank you so much for your advice. It's so wonderful to get advice from an established name in the fantasy genre. Especially since your humour is extremely enjoyable heheh. I'm currently attempting what will hopefully become a fantasy series. It's an overlap between Sword and Sorcery and High Fantasy, with elements of Dark Fantasy. Romance is a big part of it. I don't know a great deal about the practical aspects of novel writing, learning every day though! Your chanel has helped a lot. Trying to read a lot of established authors in the genre (the ones I don't know already). I recently started the Sarah J. Maas series Throne Of Glass, but I'm struggling a bit with it. I also have your Saviour's Champion on audiobook. Can't wait to see what happens! Very curious about your writing. Please keep making these fantastic videos :)

[@thedinkydreads9351]

I got together with my partner at 25 when he was 39. Six years later, we're still together to this day.

[@alisagorelick8116]

After watching several of your videos, I am inspired to read your books, Jenna! I have high hopes for them and hope they will serve as a source of guidance for my own story. Thanks for your great advice and please keep making videos. I have a request- I am writing a rather rude, abrasive character who has a "Zuko character arc" and becomes lovable in the end. but in the mean time, how can I make him despicable? What are some things he would talk about with his friends? How would he bully someone into doing what he wants? What kinds of thoughts would he have towards the people he is surrounded by? Thanks Jenna.

[@jasongretencord3326]

I have difficulty writing romance because of my autism. You mentioned being on the spectrum at one point. Does it influence your writing?

[@xmoonlightxdreamsx]

I recommend the Bergman Brothers series, specifically books 2 and 4, by Chloe Liese for representation of characters/romances with characters who have autism.

[@emilymatthews2990]

Huh interesting. My autism makes me dislike romance, and I think it might also be chalked up to trauma. Maybe if I buy and read Jenna’s book I’ll hate it less.

[@HarryVoyager]

9:23 Speculation: adorkable requires the dork to have courage. He can still end up with his head in the bucket, dog and all, but he had better be trying to respond to the love interest's confession to get there. The Gods Must be Crazy. He ends up with his foot in the trashcan and his head caught in her dress because he is trying to give her flowers to apologize for the last catastrophe, and things just don't work. The thing is, he is trying. It's just that everything he does seems to manage to go wrong. And (it's been a long time since I've seen it) when he does decide to stop approaching her, it is because he feels like he is causing her too many problems, not because he is afraid of being embarrassed. It all comes from an inner core of courage, even if his competence is more like a sucking black hole. I think that goes back to the whole thing that all protagonists have to have some amount of courage somewhere, even if it takes them some digging to find it. The adorkables are the ones who even though they're terrified, will get up on stage, do the song and dance number, have it crash and burn and the whole auditorium laugh at them, then smile, bow and walk away. And that's the sort of thing that tells the reader (and hopefully the love interest) that there is someone of value buried in the goofy shell.

[@user-uk6yz1my8h]

Absolutely love how straightforward you are!!!

[@kevywilliams3304]

Don’t let people bash you!!!! You’re books are awesome !!! You’re super discriptive and saviours series are amazing!!!! Man can you ever create an amazing man :)

[@simouniel867]

Wait wait... People lying in their resume is NORMAL????

[@hunnykun101]

I know right

[@WildcardASMR]

I'm literally waiting for these videos every week now

[@carolynlampman209]

Just started Savior's Champion. Soooo good! I will be leaving a review. (

[@andrealewis2501]

I know you said ten years but I just gotta say I had this instintanous connection with a guy, liked his personality and his looks, could talk and talk on and on, had the same sense of humor and things in common, but it really surprised me when he was 23 I found out and I was almost turning 29. 🤯 I felt like we were the same age and he seemed so sophisticated and gentleman like and even getting to know him on social media late since we stayed in touch he seemed emotionally intelligent. I actually spent time with someone a year older than me who seemed far less mature, he was suicidal, addicted to Vicodin, I thought he was sometimes a jerk my friends did too. I dunno I was just amazed with the maturity of the first guy, my mind is still kinda blown.

[@AzaleaLuna]

There is nothing wrong with age difference. Take it from a 62 year old woman who knows two married couples who have been together for over thirty years and their age differences are 16 years apart and 20 years apart. They met when they were past the age of consent, so nothing wrong there. If you click and have stuff in common it's fine.

[@d.robertdigman1293]

Your advice is always brilliant and helpful but this one is particularly so! AS someone below has said, romance is not entirely found in romance fiction, and it forms a central part of a science fiction novel I am writing.

[@estebangutierrez160]

The one thing I've learn about characters chemistry; whether it be friends, family, romantic partners, and even coworkers bonding is to have them get into arguments, but not bickering. We get into these things all the time too. Static Shock, Helluva Boss, Breaking Bad, Justice League (Unlimited), Etc. all have characters get into arguments all still have a close bond with each other. These arguments can be a big deal like in Justice League Unlimited where Shayera (Hawkgirl) betrayed the Justice League but Batman and Wonder Woman are the ones who are still bitter, but soon trust her again. In Static Shock, when Richie put himself in danger and almost died, both he and Virgil end their friendship, but close the the end of the episode (I wish it lasted longer) the make up and are again friends. Helluva Boss has plenty of these, while less to do with character chemistry, it does show that they are close to one another, especially with Blitzø and Loona have a good father daughter relationship, Millie and Moxxie are married and look out for one another. Breaking Bad is a good example of character chemistry. Waller White is Book smart while Jesse Pinkman is Street Smart. They both get into arguments all the time about what to do of their drug operation.

[@laurenschenck5355]

I love you ❤️ Jenna your my best all time FAVORITE Author

[@chrissymandryka5562]

I’ve read all of it 😂 no, honestly. I’ve read A Touch of darkness a few months ago hoping for a book with a good Greek mythology retelling. Instead of that I’ve got two protagonists, who see each other for the first time and “feel attraction” before they even speak. How do we know it? They stare a lot. I say, they feel attracted. And then the main character thinks about this guy all the time (why?). They don’t really have a relationship, just want to f*** each other. And when that finally happens the author writes six sex scenes in a row… yeah. Thats the plot

[@Moonlit-Demon]

If you want greek mythology, I recommend reading Percy jJackson

[@coquiangel]

I love this advice 💜

[@courtneybartlett2326]

At tip #9, but JENNA?! What if I'm writing a book about a 50 year old male comedian?!

[@Pajali]

“Dangle the carrot” might be my favorite euphemism of all time. 😂

[@cadencepoetica8356]

#9... I've always thought it odd when the young, barely-adult heroine gets paired with a love interest 10-15 years older at least, but it happens a lot in medieval fantasy settings or historical romance ("bodice rippers") and I tend to overlook it. But in a more modern setting it definitely gives me more to think about. Like, Dimitri and Rose from Vampire Academy, that's actually a very questionable relationship. You can see Rose is written to be someone who's had to "grow up fast", but she's a teenager and clearly still very emotionally immature, whereas Dimitri is 7 years older, and her tutor so in a position of power. I feel like Richelle Mead tried to address this by having Dimitri fight the relationship at first, but ultimately they were written to be a romance pairing from the start and the reader knows it. Which leaves me conflicted because I'm definitely team Romitri, haha

[@schoo9256]

Rose/Dimitri (and Emma/Mr Knightley, come to think of it) is definitely the problematic age-gap relationship I struggle not to ship. Younger people who have had to grow up fast, should not be thrust into adult situations any more than they already have been. They need some innocence left. It leads to extreme situations like the man who a judge in Ameriva acquitted of statutory r*pe of a 14 year old because "she acted much more mature than her age" (I don't remember the name or the year or the state sorry). But those relationships above that I mentioned are definitely the age difference romances that still have a chokehold on me, probably because I read them at such an impressionable age--plus 16 is the age of consent where I live and Rose was 17, so it's... murky. But honestly 'murky' is not a word that should describe any romance! Rose was a brat (which honestly i did love about her, she made all the bad decisions I never would have) and Dimitri should have resigned his post as her trainer the instant he realised he was attracted to her. I do hope that in this day and age with this stuff more clearly spelt out as not okay in our culture, that he would have done so--I think staying away for as long as he could was *reasonably* acceptable for its time. Anyway I'm having feelings soz.

[@evildoesnotsleep-x2b]

Thank you for saying the age difference one, it totally kills the mood for me

[@Shygiverqueen]

Characters have to talk have to bond have to compliment each other Got it!I'll take that in mind Miss Moreci😘

[@autumnrozariohallartstudio7396]

A huge yes to the age gap, especially the 100+ yr old magical creature. I'm so sick of this one. It's hard to see how they could relate as friends let alone love interests.

[@laurenschenck5355]

You give the BEST Advice 💛💞💛💛💞💛

[@lilycosta140]

This is really funny because number two is the opposite of what I do XD I'm always nervous that I have TOO much dialogue XD and that that's were most of my chemistry comes from

[@Darkkan13]

#9 is pretty much all the paranormal romance. I highly doubt that is going away anytime soon...

[@yourdownfall33]

I need this as a podcast on spotify :)

[@meganthompson6676]

For tip #9: What about dragon-shifter romance? Or those other fantasy/paranormal creatures that live for HUNDREDS of years? The lead male or female creature is ALWAYS over one hundred years old; any younger and they are considered a baby or a child.

[@kappadarwin9476]

I think its because in fantasy Dragons don't reach maturity until they are 100 plus.

[@isabellamartinico3153]

Jenna you're the amazing mentor that gives good and helpful advice that old white wizard man wishes he could be

[@Mara.O.Garner]

it would be awesome if you could include timestamps in your video!

[@dakotafowler2387]

12:12-12:30 I love this subtle shade towards The Twilight Series 😂😂😂😂

[@Moonlit-Demon]

😂😂

[@Kelly_Jane]

"Any romance with a hint of steam." > Me, writing a steampunk romance: Good thing I set up certain promises early, and damn girl if I ain't following through 😉

[@yapdog]

So, if the romantic characters don't talk, what do they do? Mime sex and attraction? 😅

[@Mediocrearts92]

It's called action speaking louder than words. (but of course that doesnt mean automatically sucking face lmao) im sure that just means that the writer just has to make it creative. I'm sure it'd be interesting enough.^^

[@willowdigger617]

Ok if I didn’t hate romance I’d start writing that as a novel. That sounds like it could be really interesting.

[@yapdog]

@@willowdigger617 🤔🤔🤔 I'm a fairly creative writer, but I can't even begin to imagine how to approach that for 60K words 🤨

[@badbirdkc]

The impression I got is that the characters talk, it's just that the writer doesn't write dialogue.

[@bouncerblake]

I actually love romance where there enough conflict that staves off the first kiss until the very end. Or in some cases doesn't even happen because of problems that deny it happening. If real chemistry is there, the kiss isn't that important.

[@joshuafurtado2299]

I have a question for anyone in the comments. Currently writing a M/M romance novel. MC2 is introduced in Chapter 5 and they talk for the first time in Chapter 6. These are strangers (kinda, there is a twist) to lovers. I don't have their first kiss planned out until Chapter 15. I'm doing a more becoming friends, neither is ready for a relationship, a bunch of stuff happens, and their first kiss is in Chapter 15. The book is planned to be around 30 chapters. Is this too late in the book for a first kiss? I want to think I'm building it up well, with a will they won't they, but the audience can see the chemistry building between them.

[@RoseRamblesYT]

Telling and not showing is a common issue I’ve seen within the romance genre, yes, but other genres too. Telling me a character is kind, but either not showing that or maybe showing a singular example. Telling me someone is attractive, but giving no description of how or why. Telling me two characters are Super Drawn to each other… but not showing my why.

[@Katek8]

Most of my novel takes place over the course of one month. It involves a very illegal, very high stakes plot, and the two main characters are falling for each other about 40% into it. I’m super worried this will come across as Insta-love (although they never profess love or anything, just admit their attraction and crushes). Do you have tips on romance in books that are on much shorter timelines? Also to add more details, they have s*x at around the halfway point, and they begin exploring their emotional connection at around the 25% point.

[@MonAhgasInsomniAroELF]

it's interesting that nobody seems to be able to find a balance when it comes to the age difference debate. in the past i think people were far too lax about disgusting relationships that were pretty much flat out grooming/p*d*ph*lia, but i think people have swung way too far onto the other end of the spectrum where any age gap more than two years = BAD, DISGUSTING, ILLEGAL full stop with no consideration for the details surrounding it. as with most things in life, there's nuance to it. it's not just about numbers, it's about mentality and cognitive behavior, emotional intelligence, circumstances, life experiences (as in specifically, trauma, how they were raised, hardships and how they delt with them), and yes, general maturity levels. it's a case by case thing, not an across the board equally problematic evil. obviously, _obviously,_ i am *not* talking about something unquestionably wrong like a young teen and someone in their twenties (outside of what is covered by romeo and juliet law--i.e. a 16 y/o dating an 18 y/o or 17 and 19 y/o, who were together since they were both minors--minor/adult relationships are absolutely not okay). what i mean is someone 18 with someone in their mid twenties, or 20 with someone in their late twenties. is it advised? generally no. but in some cases, it does work and it's fine. age gaps aren't automatically evil things. absolutely not saying everyone has to engage in/enjoy relationships with age gaps, either irl or in fiction. anyone is allowed to dislike and even be disgusted by them and avoid them. however acting as if they're _all_ wrong and treating other people who enjoy them like monsters, _isn't_ okay. to be clear, i'm not saying all age gaps across the board are fine. i'm only saying that they're not all bad either, because there's more to it than just physical age, and people need to consider the nuances involved before judging, and not hold everyone else to their own personal standards of moral purity. while the huge age gap thing between a 17/18 year old and an immortal being up to (or over) 100 years their senior certainly isn't my jam, i don't think i'd find anything seriously wrong with it either _depending_ on how it was presented and written. there are definitely terrible representations for this trope out there (cough_stephaniemeyer_cough), but there are probably good ones too. i haven't personally read published works that were good representation of age gaps, but i've read incredibly good fanfiction that covered it very well.

[@AK-qh6lr]

"I don't like sand." "I killed them. I killed them all." And then that one scene where he says all his feelings bluntly

[@weesamexpress6730]

I have this dilemma then since I'm writing a very dark novel with romance at the first part... Esentially I kinda needed the romance on the first 9 chapters of the book to get to the point where the main character and his love interest confess to each other. I tried to make it as natural as possible so that the readers will also be attatched to the love interest.... Before she gets eliminsted

[@RosheenQuynh]

The dangling carrot one is funny to me because the story of Disney's Elemental wouldn't be as good if hugging, let alone kissing, happened early into the movie lol Not a book, I know, but I'm still learning to read more and also movies and shows have always been visual books to me.

[@breakingthenumbers3367]

Just a bit of an interesting point about time for love and cannot have chemistry and all that. I met my wife on a Wednesday and next Sunday we were engaged and two weeks later we were married and after some kids we have been together for almost twenty five years. So not everybody needs years to figure shit out or to have love. Just in case you run into a story where you see it happen faster.

[@homealoneuniverse1221]

Well and good about waiting too long on the first kiss, but Pride & Prejudice is a slow-burn romance, where the relationship doesn't gel till way late in the storyline, and never ever gets 'hot' per se, and yet it is one of the greatest successes in the history of romance. I'm modeling my story on a similar set of beats, just in a radically different story universe. So I hope I'm not too far from genre expectations.

[@storyteller2882]

I disagree about Insta Love. I've always known I'd have an important relationship with someone the moment they caught my attention. Conscious crushes have been wrong. Unconscious (why in the world am I attracted?), no. Only once have I known the important relationship would be marriage (on our first date I started wondering about our future children). He proposed after two weeks by saying, "I know we're going to get married, but I have to tell you about some obligations I have to meet first..." (He's an immigrant and had orphaned siblings back home he needed to sponsor). I agreed he was right. We've been married 33 years. I also disagree about age gaps necessarily being a problem before age 24. I had a fun relationship (solid friendship but light romance) when I was in college with someone a decade older than me (who was returning to college for a degree in my major). I guess it worked because he wasn't a decade more mature.

[@danamirrors4310]

We're talking about fiction, and you are the exception to the rule I guess. In fiction, instaló e feels forced and unnatural, even silly.

[@LivviesAnimeposts]

Number five sounds like Harem anime lol! So true!

[@rebelcommander7starwarsjur922]

Instalove every hallmark movie ever ya my film class used them as an example of how not to make a movie

[@ActiveAdvocate1]

Alright, Tory and Jerry (i.e. Victoria and Jeremy, my book's main/power couple), let's ride. 1. TO BE REAL...Vicky does say to herself upon first encountering him, "Wow, I need a bigger vocabulary," which I MIGHT remove, but I do a lot of showing with him. It's through her POV, but she says he's kind of evading her eyes, and it's hard to tell with his complexion, buy id he blushing? And b e very aware, Jeremy is almost annoyingly self-assured, so he doesn't get like this around people, usually, but you figure that out about him later. Once he gets over his own "Oh my God", though, he's very nice to her. He just hadn't been that thrown by someone since he and his bestie first hooked up when they both hit puberty. And, again, let me be clear, THIS is infatuation. Love comes later when they've actually had more than one conversation. Oh, and Vicky does describe his features, by the way. It's the first REALLY detailed description of a person you get in the book. 2. NOPE. Sorry, you can't fall in love without talking to the person. Like, multiple times. And they're nice to you and you're nice to them. None of this kidnapping and/or abuse shit. 3. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! I don't feel the need to go on. Like I say above, attraction and love are not the same thing. And even when both of them have proved themself to the other, they're both still unsure of the other: "Is this right? Is this too fast? Am I ready?" Jeremy stood up to her VERY abusive father with words, not fists, SHE got a beating for it, Jeremy thought it was his fault, and kept beating himself up for it, till, finally, when she's out of hospital, she says to him, "If you blame yourself one more time, I swear I'll have a real fight." Having been raised in an abusive and hyper-conservative family, needless to say, Vicky is not WONDERFUL at standing up to other people, so her saying this impresses him, because he knows her background. Even then, though, he wants to ease in to thing, because he's 18 and she's 17, but while I know there's nothing illegal about that, she's VERY not-ready for third base, and he wouldn't force her into ANYTHING. Because, you know, he has honour. 4. Like, it has to dangle for a BIT, because she goes through some VERY major and equally messed-up life changes after meeting him, and like I say above, he has too much decency to rush her into anything, but they're both rather mad about one another, which, by the way, makes them capable of waiting. I don't know what percentage of the book I get through before I officially make them a thing, but it's more than fifty, less than, say...seventy five...? I may also mention that Vicky's plotline is not the only one, but if you've been reading my crap on these videos for a bit, you know there are three others, and I'm trying to give them each time in the sun individually. It IS a romance novel--I won't kid myself--but it's also...spell the word with me, kids, a buildingsroman. Buildinsroman. Buildensroman. THING. Bildungsroman. THAT. That word. I can't f*cking spell that word, no matter how many times I write it. They DO kiss at the 50% mark, though, eh, and Vicky tells him she loves him. He doessn't say it out loud until a number of chapters later, though. 5. Difference here is, Jeremy, not Vicky, is my self-insert. Or, at least, he's the voice for my thoughts and politics. Whether those are the same thing, I don't know, but if it were a one-to-one self insert, Vicky would be mine, not Jeremy. And if I may brag about my fine lad, he's anything but boring. Vicky's mountains more introverted, until the 50% mark. It's not like she shifts her personality overnight, but she begins to grow into herself once out from under the influence of people who had been abusing her, if passively (until recent events...), for years. She's not boring, either, but she needs to grow. Also, I'm straight, but I'd date her on looks alone. I'd date him, too, but neither of them is plain. Her: shining grey eyes, rose-and-ivory complexion, curvy, loose-curls auburn hair halfway down her back. Him: sienna eyes, full lips ,glossy black curls, satin brown skin (he's Seminole Indigenous), muscles from working on lumber with his brothers all his life. Climbing trees, chopping and hauling wood, swimming out for driftwood, you get the idea. They both have it going on, and yes, they're both aware of it in themselves and in one another. 6. Hmm...Vicky just ISN'T this, but Jeremy can put it on, usually to embarrass her in a cute sort of way. Both of them have personalities too strong to legitimately be this, though, so I don't use it much with them. Stephen and Olivia, my secondary couple, same. Olivia's really intelligent and self-possessed, and Stephen has...umm...VERY difficult mental health issues that usually bar him from connecting with anyone, let alone let go with them. 7. Let me use an example: my best friend and main reader for all this is blind from birth. Ain't NOTHING she's getting out of physical descriptions. I can tell her all day that Vicky and Jeremy are both "DAYUM out of ten", but she's going to be looking for a lot more than that. Very happy I have her as a barometer, because I've toned down Jeremy's at-one-time raging sexuality in more recent drafts. He doesn't withhold anything, but at the same time, he's not all up in people's business just because he knows he COULD be. Also toned it down between him and his ex. They're best friends, and WERE best friends before they hooked up, and stayed that way after they decided to call it quits, but originally, I had Jeremy using Austen to make Vicky jealous. Not a good look, and I think that, given her background, it would either confuse or disgust her to see him kissing another guy anyway. He's bi. Austen's gay. They were a VERY fiery couple for, like...a year or two? 8. Oh no, not life or death. Just a few shattered ones on the left side of her face when her VERY racist d-bag of a father finds out. But once that obstacle is removed in handcuffs...where do we go from here? And my Jeremy would answer, "Okay, chill out: she needs a therapist before she needs a boyfriend," and Vicky would answer, "There's no way he can love me with my face bashed in, and knowing my family is so horrible, and this is all too much, too fast." So yes, they wait. BUUUUUUUT...they're really both of them just waiting for the other, and they both know what they eventually want, so it's a go, just not an immediate one. Shit's gotta cool off first. 9. Which is why he wants to wait, at least on the sex stuff, till she's 18. /Like I say, I know that, in the US (I'm Canadian, but I imagine it's similar here?), sixteen-to-eighteen year olds ONLY can have sex with mutual consent, so they're not riding a legality line, but she's not ready, he knows it, he has an ounce of discretion, and besides, there's all the time in the world once her dad is out of the way. I researched this, and what he does to her face, in the real world, could land in 20-30 years in prison. This being set in Florida. And if he'd caused her permanent damage, which he doesn't, he could be looking at the death penalty. But since I am PROFOUNDLY anti-death penalty, nope. Child abuse just looks to be one of those things that's, like, hyper-illegal in Florida. 10. But my dear, isn't that what this list is about? He peacocks for her on a few occasions, but mostly, they bond over literature, over mutual friends, over discovering one another's worlds...though that goes significantly better when they're in HIS world, not in hers (he lives in a rather prosperous commune, she lives with abusive parents), and they go out of their way to make one another feel happy, and, just as importantly, safe and trusted.