1970's Worst Toy Ever Made Commercial # 1

That's right it's Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow. I say number 1 because there are others that are arguably worse like Limbo Legs (see my channel), Belly Bongo and Footsie to name a few. The worst part about Milky was it cost you even more money because you needed to buy more milk pellets. To find more vintage toy commercials on dvd visit us at www.vintagetvcommercials.com

[@tjhamiton2316]

I'm sorry, but I had this toy as a kid and I loved it. My sister had Gobbles the Goat, which was also a fun toy. We used to take them out to our yard and pretend we lived on a farm. At least we were using our imagination back then.

[@billyb4790]

Right? Sorry to sound like an old crank but how is this toy a bad thing while kids today play games involving blowing peoples heads off? Lol we’ve lost the plot in this world.

[@DG-uh8uv]

I totally agree

[@mrshadow8096]

Which kids no longer have nowadays

[@mplight2941]

my grandpop bought me that toy for Christmas! I loved it! thanks for bringing my memory back to life. :)

[@WhoShatInHere]

Gotta love the amount of creativity that went into naming the cow.

[@OceanbornAngel]

I remember when I was a kid in the 70's really wanting one of these.

[@Mishakol1290]

Sounds exactly like something from Family Guy or something.

[@bartenationalbart-email-na3284]

this is actually the best toy EVER

[@philipwhatcott997]

Can you imagine giving a kid one of these nowadays? Would be worth it just to see the look on their face.

[@101Volts]

Granted the kids here look to be around 7, and commercials often seem to have older kids than the target audience. Maybe this was aimed at like 2 - 5 year olds.

[@vive335]

It’s an avocado…thanks!

[@nikerailfanningttm9046]

Bro, todays kids just think “to milk a cow, you stick a vacuum to their four penis like things” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@blingbling574]

They would cry with joy.

[@susandavey2361]

They'd freak out thinking milk came from a plastic carton not a cow 😂

[@mboots957]

You give the Milk to your peeing doll then Recycle back to the Cow.

[@joefry22]

The Circle of Life. lol

[@johnward2101]

That's sick bro, but the cool kinda sick lol

[@Catnip11147]

I remember this commercial. I often wondered, did anybody actually drink the fake milk?

[@timhinchcliffe5372]

It was probably made out of thalidomide and lead... with asbestos to make it white.

[@adamkhabazian3249]

it is inevitable

[@raccoon681]

@@adamkhabazian3249 You need something to wash down the playdoh

[@hdrjunkie]

Just what every farm kid needed... a toy that also had them doing chores! lol

[@citizenken7069]

I guess that's why my parents were never impressed by it. They both grew up on farms in the Great Depression, and neither of them had fond memories of milking cows.

[@1BolsaChica]

I remember wanting that!!! I once milked a real cow in elementary school because they asked if anyone knew how. I raised my hand because I had seen an episode of I Love Lucy! Hahaha!

[@samidellaidella532]

Aww I loved my Milky. My parents cleaned out the garage about 5 years ago and tossed her. I was pissed! Especially when I found out she still mooed after all these years. Not a toy for everyone.

[@arthurcabral9561]

sometimes rare pieces will show up on ebay. You can post an alert to send you an e-mail if one pops up. This is how I recovered a "zeroid space mobile" from the early seventies that my mother generously gave away to strangers when I was in second grade.

[@mgonzales3840]

+Samidella idella I had one too, and have fun memories as a kid playing with it. My parents threw mine away as well. I'm so bummed about that.

[@samidellaidella532]

M Gonzales My mom went on a cleaning spree a few years ago and threw out Suzy home maker toys that are awesome and in demand now because they actually worked (the washer and grill were my favorites), and other toys, books, bikes, cabbage patch dolls (including international ones in boxes) , 3 working Atari- 2600, 5200 and 7600 and about 300 game cartridges, and a Nintendo (with the robot and games) all into an industrial dumpster never to be seen again. I managed to save the little people hospital, sesame street set, carousel and Ferris wheel because they were in a cabinet that she missed. She also can't figure out why I got so mad. Ironically about 10 years back when I was moving I was going to take what I really wanted,and she suggested I leave it so that I wouldn't have clutter. moving into an apartment or the expense of storage. Damn those old people LOL!

[@brandonford4474]

we had a few of them & loved them. They blasted apart quite easily when dropping or throwing down the stairs

[@3642130]

Samidella idella so stupid, I understand! My mother's also anti-sentimental.

[@LarryLeeMoniz]

Coming soon, "Milkton, the Curious Milking Bull!"

[@Zebra_3]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/naK4eYSPf5mZe7M

[@johnward2101]

Mom: if I see you fondling that cow again I'm taking that toy away!

[@azeleapark]

i gotta ask....what the heck is 'pretend milk' made of?

[@ashleigh_marrrie]

just a white tablet of some sort inserted in her stomach probably, then it mixes with the water she drinks.

[@josephsmith961]

+azeleapark Expired chemotherapy drugs.

[@fool4singing]

Chalk dust...

[@Olivia-sp2eh]

@@fool4singing wait what really?

[@riproar11]

Pretend milk is made from soy, almonds, oats, cashews...to name a few.

[@ferociousgumby]

Better than Barbie's pooping dog Tanner

[@ScottNapolitan]

Eeew, they really made such a toy?

[@socialghost4400]

"Dear Santa, I want Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow for Christmas!" ...said no kid ever!

[@Smartboy8877]

bat115 I hope he responds!

[@mplight2941]

IMMORTEN VALKYRIEN sorry I did get that for Christmas

[@aileenplaysandvlogs7790]

I want it too

[@tpd2100]

@@mplight2941 I got them two years in a row because I wanted my first one to have a friend. :D

[@Stacelicious]

I had one and loved it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@canadianstudmuffin]

They were really milking this product! :P

[@finster1968]

Oh hell yes. I remember the commercial.

[@brainsareus]

I c what ya did

[@Kolbatsu]

The fast-paced world of milking, now it toy form!

[@kwturner]

So, it's Christmas 1978. Star Wars is new and it's the biggest thing in the world, especially if you're seven years old. Christmas morning rolls around and Little Billy wakes up at 5:30, runs joyously down the stairs and sees a brightly coloured box wrapped in a bow with his name on it. What could it be? A Tie Fighter? A Landspeeder? All the coolest action figures in one glorious payload? Billy rips in, barely able to contain his glee, and finds ... a cow. Merry friggin' Christmas!

[@rondondetrumpis938]

I’m guessing that you were little Billy? 😂

[@jerrygarcia9244]

my mom used to dissolve aspirin in water to make the milk color.

[@kungpaopizza2126]

*Jerry Garcia* Your mom was an ass at the time

[@Olaf236]

I was poor, we couldn’t afford toys like that. We had to actually go to the barn and milk the real thing……

[@scuttlebuttlodge]

Awesome! I used to be a dairy farmer for 25 years. I love it!

[@Eric-sn4qz]

Joey blew this up with an M-80. Holy cow what a flashback. His sister was pissed thou.

[@Long-HairedLuigi]

I have 2 respectfully disagree: the worst is the “Tiffany Taylor” doll, a toy so unintentionally hilarious that it gave everyone who saw its commercial nonstop hysterylaughing, was laughed, mocked, and joked about so badly that it was literally laughed off the toy shelves, & its creators were profoundly embarrassed! XD

[@momitaeg]

0:14. DANG SHE GOT THAT *plastic surgery*

[@spensert4933]

Cow dash e ann.

[@dalisman]

Had this as a kid, loved it!

[@rondondetrumpis938]

Born in ‘82. Didn’t know this existed till now. Finally a video that makes me feel young!!

[@3642130]

Wow, I had forgotten all about Milky, especially when the adult book store started selling "Lovin Lamb, the attractive, anatomically correct sheep".

[@VandalStork]

I remember this toy! I forgot about it for years...then I stumbled onto a very creepy short story about a box of abandoned toys in an attic that plot the death of the nearly grown child who broke them. I remember that one of the toys was Milky...

[@djdepaolo]

I can't breathe...laughing so @#$% hard!! I totally forgot about this short loved toy until this ad resurrected those suppressed TV memories. This is a classic!

[@DaNinja60]

Why do I remember that commercial so well? 😂😂

[@skullzcrusher]

"She drinks water when you PUMP HER TAIL" hahahaha

[@functionalschizophr]

pretend milk tablets....

[@krazykykracker]

Lol I actually had this toy when I was a kid. It and my big wheel were my favorite toys.

[@theketovillagee]

This was my most loved and favorite toy EVER.... I use to make her drink chocolate milk so I could drink it.. haha. Then some rotted in her and smelled horrible

[@45gunner]

OMG...LMAO!

[@samidellaidella532]

...Glad to know I wasn't the only one who experimented on Milky. Thinking about her after all these years is making me feel old though.

[@theketovillagee]

I want one for my grandson.... anyone know how to get one?

[@samidellaidella532]

Cristy Boo Several years ago I saw one at a site that dealt in pristine "antique toys". I'm sorry that I don't recall the name, it was VERY expensive (like 300 bucks still in the box). I really couldn't justify spending that much. Try ebay, you may get lucky and get one that maybe isn't in the box, but still works. I keep hoping that some company will produce a retro version for less. My mom (I'm in my 40s btw) said she'll buy one for me if I really want it. If they were around 100 bucks I'd take her up on it for a Xmas/bday present. I'm Pathetic! LOL

[@theketovillagee]

Im in my 40s too... I wish some company would reproduce all of our toys again... esp the magic window

[@ChristiRich]

This commercial was aired and sold in Dallas, Texas. I still have mine.

[@heatherjones5158]

This toy was awesome and my favorite as a kid.

[@countrygirl6008]

I think this is great. Not sure why you'd call it the "worst" toy ever-especially for farm kids. Or city kids who would love to live on a farm and milk a cow. Kid's love seeing cows get milked, and there really aren't lot of "dairy" oriented toys out there for them to role-play with. The next best thing out there that I had, was a toy milking parlor made by Britain. It consisted of little hoses with brackets on them that simply snapped onto the little toy cows that came with it. Kept be busy for hours. This would have done the same.

[@EnemyAce88]

As a kid who grew up on a dairy farm, this toy is awful. Having to wake up at 4:30 every morning to go milk takes the fun out of it really fast.

[@countrygirl6008]

EnemyAce88 I loved it. I loved working in a place where all the employees just "mood'" and never talked back, seeing the sun come up over the trees, listening to the radio and watching the milk splashing into the receiver jars. It was peaceful and relaxing. The only time I could ever recall it being "unpleasant" was if I was sick and didn't feel well. And if you live where it snows, that can sort of add to taking the fun out of it too. Summer on the other hand; those were good times.

[@Smartboy8877]

I remember "My Puppy Puddles". I thought the ads were quite amusing! I once saw a similar toy in a store sometime in the nineties. The slogan used to advertise this toy was "Drinks and Wets Without the Mess!

[@katrus]

Holy crap. My parents got me one of these from a garage sale when I was a kid. I never could figure out what the hell it was supposed to do.

[@carryclass]

when i was little i wanted the bull version of this

[@nunyerbidness6417]

I had one. you didn't miss much. it didn't work right. half the time i had to prime it.

[@burmiester1]

That's actually a really neat toy. It is clever and original. And most toys are devoid of that nowadays.

[@WeirdVideoGames]

It's a COW

[@billyb4790]

For some reason it’s heartwarming to see people in the comments section wanted this.

[@peganbrooke7866]

I didn’t have this toy as a little one but would have loved it. It think this sort of toy would be a good way to teach contemporary kids where their food comes from!

[@mercmarc]

don't forget to put the artificial growth hormone in the cows water kids!

[@Smartboy8877]

merc marc Very cute indeed!

[@finster1968]

The pretend milk might actually be less harmful for you than some drink products today.

[@elc1960]

Imagine that - Kenner made a toy cow that gave milk, and 20 years later Mattel made a dog for Barbie that could shit, and also a cat for her that pissed in its litterbox. American toymaker ingenuity in action.

[@mhennek]

Kid 1:"She drinks water!" Kid 2:"And goes pretend milk!"

[@Tsubahi]

I remember that commercial.XD And the way the udder was installed, too!XD

[@bobfriedman409]

Just wrong in every way !

[@arthurcabral9561]

+bob friedman The rare "bull" version had a different kind of rubber attachment.

[@davesworld7961]

+bob friedman I preferred the Dolly Parton version.

[@bobfriedman409]

+Arthur Cabral she's got purty lips....

[@bobfriedman409]

pretend -milk tablets ! that's some fine drinkin' !!!!

[@finster1968]

Lol DavesWorld

[@alex1vid]

The best thing about this commercial and Tonka Truck commercials was the usage of banjos and Southern accents.😂😅

[@KaizokuShojo]

The funniest thing about this is that there were probably kids that lived out in the country at this time that saw this commercial and said, "That's not fun and games, I have to go out at 5 AM every morning and do that!!!" Although I'm sure they corrected the TV, telling them that pulling a cow's tail is not really a good idea.

[@weprin2]

I remember this commercial for this toy when it was new back then. You should've seen Phelous review on a similar toy called Milk Cow made by Funny Toys. Except it doesn't give milk but includes a shot gun that fires and talks saying "GO GO GO, MOVE OUT TO SAVE THE HOSTAGES!!!!!"

[@6plastic]

I told Santa when I was a kid " I want The Millennium Falcon for Christmas" but instead I received this fucking toy!

[@isloth75]

I was a happy kid when I finally got the Marvelous Milky! I think it surprised everyone in my family too! 😂 I think I was the only kid I knew that had one! 😂 I honestly don't remember what happened to it either. 😂

[@nsnopper]

I don’t recall this commercial ever airing in Canada (Toronto), nor on the Buffalo, NY American stations. Was this aired in certain regions of the US?

[@clubpenguin1212100]

''and heres pretend milk!'' lol

[@whitenightify]

im glad i was born about 10 years after this lol

[@tv321123]

@Trondoc I am dying from laughing now, you made my day

[@blockmasterscott]

I had this as a kid, and absolutely loved it.

[@rustyeffect]

"She's raisin her head, its milkin time now, her pre-teen milk is a fillin the pail" "SHIT DRINKS WAWTER" "IMS GONT PRETEEN MILK"

[@frankrizzo4460]

This guy's voice sounds like the one who does the Smash up Derby toy commercial 🤔

[@HahahaVille]

Hahahahahahahaha very good my friend...now the secret is out! FYI Bachmann and Palin both recently had a "Milky the cow" "Tea Party" or should I say a "Milky party" ;)

[@tallboyyyy]

HOLY CRAP!! I REMEMBER THIS COMMERCIAL!!! YIKES!!

[@spartan8345]

I'm glad they say "pretend milk" not like commercials today with their fine print

[@testodude]

same here. As they song rolled on, it came flooding back. So weird. If someone would have given me this as a kid, I would have changed the name to Milky the Marvelous Exploding Cow.

[@k2_tech745]

I completely forgot about that toy until seeing this video

[@ToyotaGuy1971]

I wanted to get this, just so I could take it apart and see how it worked.

[@Qusin111]

"Dear Santa, I want Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow for Christmas!" PS and some M80's

[@OliverMazur]

now i know wht to ask for christmas! D:

[@asylumwriters8924]

See if you can find the commercial for the mastitis expansion pack.

[@stealthbeastgaming]

AGH! IT GOES IN CLEAR, WHY DOES IT COME OUT MILKY?! LOL!

[@RebecaDolLoverRubin]

This teaches kids a valuable lesson xD

[@markshaw2009]

New version out now called milking the prostrate.

[@feyfantome]

LMAO!! I actually played with this toy as a kid!! I thought this lousy piece of crap was the coolest toy ever. The funniest part is that (since it was sold prior to our consumer safety board committees) it had all these warning labels cautioning you not to drink the "milk". They actually sold a toy that made chemically dangerous imitation milk and expected children not to consume it-for all we know it was liquid cocaine. How did we survive childhood in the 70's?

[@gingergoat7084]

Just what I thought as well. Why would you sell a toy that had artificial “milk” to a child who would most likely drink it.

[@edmunddonnelly3881]

@@gingergoat7084 They worked the word 'pretend' into the jingle for that reason 😂

[@T97Frida]

This toy together with some special Kool Aid would have made Jonestown so much funnier.

[@ScuzzMB]

I remember this commercial because I wanted this toy BADLY. I asked for it for my birthday and got a remote control car instead. What could have been.

[@iscrapman]

I actually remember seeing that ad on t.v. ....i had (luckily ) forgotten all about it until now .

[@tomitstube]

"pretend milk tablets". lmao, at first I thought the cow went to the bathroom.

[@kurtdewittphoto]

It's all fun and games till the milk sours.

[@PhilLesh69]

Don't forget "My puppy puddles". There's also the shaved ice whale that had a razorblade attachment to shave blocks of ice. Fun for ages 3 and up!

[@666asiamalaysia999]

I want it! In goes vodka, out comes homemade roofie colada. Gunna save a bundle

[@ReaverRism]

What if: The kids thinks the milk is a real one? LOL

[@shacks29]

Kids getting a very wrong impression how to milking a cow. lol

[@TheTravelersTravels]

I'd rather have a Stop Touching Me Elmo...lol

[@stevelight2061]

Thanks! It’s going to take me six months to unsee that!😡😡😡🤮🤮🤮

[@WicksThings]

I had to repeat it three times before determining that he isn't singing "her freakin' milk is a-fillin' the pail!"

[@extendedpinky]

I loved mine but you see the pretend milk didn’t come out fast enough. So I altered her udders with scissors and made bigger holes.

[@Abergavenny4Ever]

I vaguely remember this commercial...

[@MillennialMcGuyver]

I can imagine the number of kids who probably drank that gross milk-water. LOL.

[@luriomaxx]

OHH MY GOD, my family actually had two of those cows! i remember when i was a kid, and explored the "can of toys" i found them in a bad state, one was with her head "severed" and i remeber the pump that made the milk go to the udder, now i LOL watching that we are not the only ones who had those.

[@DundrHed]

Timmy, c'mon over...I gotta milky cow! It'll be AWESOME!

[@kimmy1984]

LOL!! I remember this commercial!

[@OlegKostoglatov]

It's this hat with a rope on top that you swing around when you whip your head in a circular fashion, there is a commercial posted on Y.T for it.

[@DanHintz]

pretend milk tablets would be an excellent band name.

[@bettypro]

i wanted one of these in the 70's lol!!! mom said no go milk the real one out back!!!

[@mainstreetsaint36]

That cow's name is the pre-internet era version of Boaty McBoatface.

[@glennorange]

:Pretend milk"....that was a lawsuit just waiting to happen!

[@woodtvnetwork]

THE LIPS ON THE COW OMG!!!!!

[@torresongs2]

I'm assuming that this was marketed to city kids who could not enjoy the actual chore of milking a real cow. We also must assume that you somehow mixed dehydrated milk with the water to make the "pretend milk". How "marvelous"!

[@danawadd]

Remember the commercial... never had the cow ;-)