2 INFJ Vices

[@MattSavina]

I love this forum and community, and Bo is the best INFJ on KZbin in my "humble" opinion. (I'm right...) Why is Bo the best? His videos are detail-oriented, professionally made, yet completely down to Earth and relatable. The INFJ life is amazing and exhausting at the same time, but I believe we each have unique gifts which could help countless people in this crazy world. We're not necessarily good at social media and team building to grow our causes, but what if we started? What could we accomplish? That's my thought of the day for all INFJs reading this.

[@MattSavina]

And yes my comment is literally a "soap box". *sigh*

[@jgilbertson636]

The soap box!!! Yes. The passion 🤣. My poor husband! My mother in law says that I am "too intense and intellectual". Lol. Verbal vomit 🤮😊. I have to intentionally keep my mouth shut sometimes because I'm "too intense and deep".

[@Myure]

It doesn't seem that way. I'd guess ISFP from that message alone.

[@t.c9537]

yes...manipulating others (in a nice way) and also myself...talk to much to others and I'm also talking to much to myself causing me to wanna run away from myself sometimes 😬🙄 the good thing though is that after I've poured all my thoughts over the other person (usually over my husband...but that's his own fault being such a good listener😏) I tend to stay quiet...sometimes for weeks after doing so...it's like...now my brain is empty and until I've filled it up again I have nothing to say 🙄

[@cynthianyross7355]

The soapbox doesn’t apply to me, an INFJ. There are subjects I geek out on but I’m not one who feels comfortable sermonizing an opinion on someone, especially if the Fe feedback tells me they’re not interested. I like to bond not push my beliefs on others. Am I weird???

[@snowflakestarprincessakiko6013]

It feels to others like you are pushing your beliefs, whenever you want to talk and be friendly. I try to socialize, but that is my normal way of speaking. As a highly open person, I'm honest, and I like to share my opinions, this makes people think that you're trying to do something when you're just bored and lonely. Due to the fact, that I usually only care about deep subjects, and I get bored easily, there are almost no areas that I have in common with anyone else in my life. They're so happy doing the same boring routine activities daily, and I'm bored to death. I can't stand normal daily life style, and I need someone to talk to about important matters ~

[@cindybills677]

Interesting. I may start pontificating but as soon as I see the other person is not really paying attention I immediately stop and probably won't talk about that subject again with that person. Also, absolutely NO manipulation of another adult. I do work to persuade children for their own good. I sense it when other adults try to manipulate me and I hate that so I try very hard to say what I mean, mean what I say and let others make their own decisions. What I have done is to develop a great decades long relationship with an INTJ friend and we talk about the deep stuff we are both interested in.

[@MattSavina]

That makes sense, Cindy! I teach all ages so I've definitely adapted to "persuade" adults and kids alike. Manipulation has many levels though, and it really depends on the situation and extent in my "humble" INFJ opinion :)

[@amourtoujours779]

Yes. I stop as well and no longer bring up the topic. It is now in their court if they want to rehash the.subject.

[@LatinaChef1986]

I tend to stand on a soap box, lol. Manipulation makes me feel like crap though.

[@MattSavina]

Indeed! Sometimes it feels like you have no choice though, especially if you're trying to HELP that person. It gets dicey sometimes...

[@LatinaChef1986]

Matt Savina True that!

[@mandyvincent1439]

Spot on for me. My poor husband. I can say that he tends to have some of his own passions, soap boxes and also alternative theories. God, love him.

[@23skdd]

Thanks again

[@ElusvOptmst1]

Its true! Family tells me I sermonize at times so...they leave or zone-out especially when I am passionate about something, they are not passionate about. Got to watch out for that weakness. Soap boxing. lol

[@MattSavina]

Part of the reason why we can be such great speakers, I guess! (atleast during the extroverted times, lol)

[@johop1496]

Thank you ❤️

[@casscat7]

This is great insight on our personality. I love watching these videos since they describe more and more about our type that is true for me and my nature. It makes me understand myself much more intunefully... Thank you. ^^ And this Soap Box phenomena especially occurs throughout my life almost always, especially with my family. 😂 Oh, and the manipulation tendencies I acquire often do occur and I feel horrible for it. I know I'm not a manipulative person by nature but us INFJs have the potential for it inside us. We try to appeal to them and as well as appeal to ourselves at the same time, which may correspond to how we can control the descions of people in this way... I wish I wasn't like this... :( Also, please provide a video on why INFJs seem more extroverted, especially to certain people in our lives even though we're introverts. A video on this may help those in my life who view me as an extrovert see me as I really am and not make me feel more missunderstood than I already am. It would also enhance their vision of the world through our eyes and why us INFJs, us introverts, can intune with extroverted tendencies even though we always have been introverts.

[@marklucachev6695]

So, I have loved all your videos so far but I am going to disagree with the first part of this one. The idea of manipulation: Manipulation is tricking or deceiving or trapping someone into doing something that goes against their beliefs or ideals. It is NOT simply arguing with or convincing someone. Otherwise, no public discourse would ever get anywhere, and the great advancements of humanity would have failed. I dont know anyone who argues or tries to convince someone to do something out of purely other-focused motives. It is impossible: we as humans are born with wants and goals and desire to see those fulfilled. It would be silly to try to live without them, unless you're a zen Buddhist I suppose. I actually like it when people do what many would call 'manipulation' to me: as an INFJ, the only way someone is going to convince me to do something is if they help me believe in it myself. So, I have to understand them, see the logic and pattern they are presenting, and then determine if it can mesh with my worldview. If they are convincing, I LIKE learning their perspective and figuring out how I can do what they're asking while still being myself. That's just attempting to work together, which is so vital in relationships, especially marriage. The goal of any marriage should be unity, one-ness. Not same-ness, one-ness. How can you move closer to each other and change to better love each other if you never express your beliefs/desires/etc? TLDR; convincing someone is not manipulation. It is only manipulation if it is done deceitfully, in a harmful way. Agree about the soapbox part though lol >.

[@snowflakestarprincessakiko6013]

Truth, I have never ever tried to manipulate anyone, I openly and honestly discuss what is important to me, what I want/need, and how I think/feel. If people think that I'm trying to do anything else, or that I have some agenda, they are completely wrong, as I'm lonely and bored to death, all I want is to have a friend and talk :).

[@EricMaffettone]

INFJ's who manipulate others are termed "unhealthy." Selfish love seeks its own desires. Selfless love only wants to give away. As an INFJ-A type (25% of the INFJ population) and I can say 3 things from solid intuition alone after hearing this: 1) You are emotionally turbulent at times, and in an unhealthy way; psychologists would diagnose this as manic depression. (I am not saying you suffer from manic depression, but what I am saying is this is a serious mental issue; your psyche is damaged) 2) Your desires control you, not the other way around. 3) You have undealt issues of regression that leave you craving an emotional connection you do not constantly feel is filled, like a void in your emotional soul (for better lack of terms.) If I didn't say something I would be saying something. Take the fact that I spent my energy and time thinking of how to help you to heart, and consider that maybe this isn't a vice, but a personal character conflict.

[@derricepugh8509]

Solid subject.

[@susanb5339]

1. Manipulating 2. Soap boxing

[@joyeelowelle1832]

Do you have transcripts of your talks? I like to read this type of information. Thanks for your work.

[@MeowlodieHL]

Thanks for sharing! It can be hard to differentiate between making a logical appeal based on many perspectives and manipulating >

[@MeowlodieHL]

@Christina Simpler Thanks :).

[@solc24]

Hmmm🤔well I can sermonize at times on my passions. I learned to step back and try not to go overboard that seems I am pushing others to my thinking. It's such a relief to let that go.

[@kamilas7737]

Hit the “like” button within the first minute 👍🏻 the examples you gave (especially about the soap box) were genuinely entertaining and fun

[@mcgarrtirishgal3903]

0:30 manipulation is not necessarily contributory to certain personality types, if anything that just shows that men can have a tendency to manipulate women... 🤔

[@debjitbera]

True..We INFJs should be more careful :)!

[@christopherqueen3194]

I am very aware that I could (and have) manipulate people in very creative ways. I have learned to stay "hands off". Sometimes I wonder if perhaps being so reserved might hinder relationships for me, but I exaggerate in order to not slip into manipulation. But the soapbox? This is much more difficult to manage. I have tried pondering how I might take 100 words and condense them Into just 10 for a particular person. This is kind of a mental exercise for me. But I wind up not speaking very much at all. Still, running on and on with my words is something I do when I'm not paying attention..... kinda like this comment!

[@johop1496]

💯💯💯💯

[@Vertchu]

Hey Bo! I am trying to contact you, but i can't find your info mate xD Does anyone know how to contact him? :D Keep up the fantastic work, Bo! I am loving the Podcast, and the other content that you make! :D

[@Eksohcorg]

Do you see Covert Narcissist as mostly an under developed INFJ? They also happen to make up around 1% of the population so I was curious maybe if you could possibly make a video about that if you have any knowledge on the topic of a narcissist versus a covert narcissist which I see as INFJ Vs whatever type tends to be the most narcissistic. Thanks

[@mcgarrtirishgal3903]

Hmm, not sure... 🤔

[@SheenaHolly]

Guilty as charged. We belong in REFORM SCHOOL. So... LOCK US UP.

[@MattSavina]

LOL. Guilty for life.

[@freerangejames6656]

I'm a male INFJ. I don't manipulate people and whinge and whine to get my way. I like your videos but I often get the impression that you are wired too much on the feminine side. The males in my family are all ex army so perhaps my upbringing was a lot more masculine than yours. I think you need to balance yourself better.

[@MattSavina]

As a Marine, I totally get this perspective. (Some INFJs on KZbin made me angry to hear their whining!! But that used to be me as well) Even though we are INFJs, we still have differences and uniqueness, based largely on our upbringing and experiences in this world. Hence why Bo has this awesome following on KZbin and others don't. We all have strengths and weaknesses that we'll work on tirelessly.

[@freerangejames6656]

@@MattSavina KZbin is full of male INFJ's who are soft as baby shit. Does my head in. If you whinge and whine you are just demonstrating that you are not a leader and that you are weak. I personally can't stand manipulative people, I think most INFJ's hate this, so if Bo is aware he does Manipulate people then he needs to take a good hard look at himself and concentrate on fixing this. It's not rocket science.

[@derricepugh8509]

Solid subject.