20 Things I Wish I Knew in my 20s | Sam Cushing

[@palkiadialga2362]

Im in my early 20s and I just started dating guys recently. I have been on 2 dates now already and both times they did not want anything serious, just some casual fun which I had to decline. And it was so hard to even get those dates as this community is heavy on hookups and people ghosting for no reason. If this is what dating is gonna be in this comnunity then im gonna go back dating women.

[@Ulvaeus]

Lots of good advice, but without a doubt the most important one that’s tripped me up again and again is: words are cheap, action is everything. There are a lot of people who tell you want they think you want to hear because they’re too uncomfortable with conflict to be honest with you. What they don’t realize is that it’s way more hurtful to do this to someone in the long run. It makes it very hard to trust. And it’s really weak behaviour on the part of the person telling you things they don’t really mean.

[@jjgreen8155]

This could not have came at a more perfect time in my own 20s dating life ❤

[@samcushing]

❤❤

[@jjgreen8155]

@@samcushing 😊😊

[@robertschwartz4810]

Wise words, I agree that you should know when to cut your losses and move on, but, still, give people a chance first.

[@LenHealsU]

Just love all your videos Sam! I might add that another (important) barometer to measure whether someone is the "right" person is his consciousness. What I mean to say is if he has the consciousness or mentality of "What's in it for me", run for the hills; but if his consciousness is "What's in it for us", grab him!

[@brianwilliams1796]

Sam, you are really trying to help people especially the young ones. Great advice! One thing, if you don’t have trust, it is like a house without a foundation. Trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops. Better to end the relationship when trust is lost or you will spend years drying yourself crazy because you will never fully trust again.

[@lourovanniekerk170]

Very wise Sam!! Althought I am 33 already and have only been in one relationship...wish I was out there more in my 20s!! So it's lovely to hear the things you've learnt looking back!! 😊

[@MusicJayPe]

I'm also 33 and still have never been in relationship.

[@lourovanniekerk170]

@MusicJayPe Oh wow...surely some one night stands?

[@MusicJayPe]

@@lourovanniekerk170 I had some kind one night stands, but I don't like it. I've always started to attach to guys, but no hope for relationship.

[@lourovanniekerk170]

@MusicJayPe Jip me too...not all hope is lost we have someone out there for us who will find us xxx

[@MusicJayPe]

@@lourovanniekerk170 Within my 20s I isolated myself from people and this is also a reason why I'm lonely. I did so many things againts my own happiness, not only regarding love. Now I look for boyfriend in matrimonal office. I don't like clubs at all(gay clubs also) and have no idea how to find a guy in a real life.

[@michaelblancato3340]

@samcushing so glad to see you back on utube sam!! nothing wrong with internalizing stuff!!

[@samcushing]

It had been a minute! Needed to regroup a bit ❤ missed ya

[@karlwolf8703]

Sam, these are wonderful insights! As a 69 year old gay man, I find myself saying “yes!” To each of these. Well done!

[@edwarren8541]

Great advice. I would add "cherish the grain of your own wood." Everyone has value and should cherish that value. You will know you have encountered a quality person when they also cherish your value.

[@jackcoyle9006]

Sam. Some of the topics you touched on happened to me already and I tried very hard to pick myself up and move on from a person in plain words was using me. I for the longest time felt like a lost puppy but I finally after a long time past found my inner self and moved on picked myself up and was determined to meet someone in my life that was so special in every way as I am to him. Sorry for rambling here but I want you to know that I loved that you stated those topics because it hit home with me. Thank you Sam for being there. I wish all the love to you. You’re a person that can make sense of a sometimes ugly world. With love. C u jack

[@samcushing]

I feel you! It’s hard to pick yourself back up sometimes… I’ve been there. Proud of ya that you’re still going tho!

[@jackcoyle9006]

@@samcushing Sam it means so much to me that you personally answered me back. A big thank you. With love always. Jack

[@yosuesoler6483]

Sam thank you for reminding myself that I obsess over the space, I also went through a hardship with my bestie and got confused because he is the only one I have been able to connect with yet, he decided to friend zone me for him not to lose our connection

[@samcushing]

I have friends like that! But it’s much better to keep the friendship imo rather than muddying the waters

[@user-pq9yd5cf6o]

Sam, thanks for all the insightful advice! One of my friends told me something that resonated so much - getting to know what kind of friends they have around too. I truly firmly believe how true this Japanese saying is that goes "who's around you mirrors your personality".

[@jeffwatkins352]

Spot on advice, all 20 points. In the final analysis, it's all about honesty, self-knowledge, and acting on those with generosity tempered by knowing your own limits. I don't watch these as something interested in the dating game. At age 71, I'm done with that. But it's a joy to see a man so young and beautiful with so much wisdom.

[@alexwallace6120]

Thanks for being so open and honest. Also I haven't seen you in awhile, and your still so cute/Handsome. I'm an older guy 63 yrs. old, started dating at age 20,while still in the closet. The first boyfriend was only 4 month, he was 14 yrs. older, he broke it off, but we eventually became friends and occasional lovers. The second I was 28,he was 38.While we were together in San Diego, things were fairly healthy. When he moved away up to Northern CA, we broke up. I 1/2 yrs. he wanted me Back, so I left my healthy life in San Diego. Once up North, he immediately started to push me away socially and sexually. WE stayed together 2 yrs. ,then broke up. So Heartbreaking. Then 3-4 yrs. later met a guy, at a house party, remember this town of 7000,probably had 60 Gay men, most in couples. This guy and I had ,fun, dinner r,drinks ,wine, OH, he was 16 yrs. older. We even took trips to San Francisco for a long week-end. Well, he only wanted a semi-'boyfriend, no seriousness and no real love, and no commitment. We broke up,, friendly ,and I was to move back to the Northeast help my sick father. Well, no one since as I am picky, and I don't want to get hurt again. I just feel better alone and with my friends and church. I do get lonely occasionality I'm not worrying or obsessing over someone else.

[@deadlysilence5824]

Great advice Sam!!! I have a friend in his late 20s who definitely needs to heed your advice on "If someone tells you something about themselves, believe them the first time they tell you". His boyfriend keeps telling him repeatedly that he (the boyfriend) is not good enough for him and doesn't deserve him. My friend keeps trying to reassure him that they're good but he keeps having to provide that reassurance. The last time I saw my friend with his bf, I could tell by looking at his face that he wasn't entirely happy in his relationship. I hope that for my friend's sake, it doesn't take something horrible happening before he makes a definitive decision but I feel like he keeps taking on things that allow him to defer addressing his relationship issues. It's really not fair to either of them to keep dragging out a relationship if it really isn't going anywhere. I've seen this playout before with a different friend in a very similar situation and while that was a painful breakup for him, in the end my other friend and his ex are now in much better places in life.

[@BigTinyLife]

Sam you bring so much light to the world. Your energy, sincerity, smile, kindness, joy for life and so much more is simply infectious. Thank you for being you and being a part of the energy of the world that makes such a positive influence. You are appreciated. ❤❤

[@martinnavarro4757]

THIS VIDEO CAME OUT AT THE PERFECT TIME. THANK YOU SO MUCH. IM 20 AND IT ACTUALLY IS A ROLLER COASTER. TOO MUCH ANXIETY.

[@Abdullashora]

You posting this video today, was a sign for me lol

[@chriswillross]

I think a spark at first that turns quickly into a cozy fireplace. 👌... the rest I agree with.

[@noelleggett5368]

All 100% true. Congratulations! The most important to remember are #7, #2 and #1.

[@EushaHaque-w9z]

by the way you dont need to feel awkward or anything be you we are all here to support you

[@charlieb2b]

Know your worth, don’t be afraid to be single (use that time to actually know more about yourself). I was single my entire time, I had my first boyfriend (and now my husband) when I was about to turn 26. My single days and years were so good to me because I learned more about myself and understood my worth. Another important thing to do is to be yourself and stop trying to impress others. Don’t play games, if you like someone, let them know you do, there’s nothing wrong with that. My husband and I have been together for 15 years (10.5 years as a married couple).

[@russellb2620]

Excellent reflection Sam. I love you're sharing this with others navigating dating...no matter what age.

[@gavinmccune93]

Wow. I believe everything you said 100%. From what little I've experienced, this all matches with what I thought about.

[@ateshhastam]

All sound points. #16 is interesting because I feel like there is more to be said. “Bad qualities” shouldn’t paint a full picture either. Many of these rules could categorize some folk as damaged goods. It could simply be that they haven’t defined or discovered themselves. It could be ignorance and lack of experience. It could be what they were taught. But should that rule them out? Only you can answer that. Maybe you’re on the same journey. I like to consider history and background. Not to treat them, but to see if I can understand the why. If you see red flags, ask and talk about them. If they blow up or can’t handle a conversation then that would be a problem. Is it our responsibility? Absolutely not. But even diamonds need work before they get to their pristine state. I would add one more point: there are many “the ones.” There is a “one” for every stage of life. People change, life circumstances and priorities change. That’s okay. Focus on opening your heart and give what you want to see more in the world and you’ll be fine.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Your advice while being mesmerised by your face has made my day.

[@brianlau7827]

This video could not have come at a more relevant time in my life right now. I had a situationship recently end and I still have feelings for him. Not gonna lie, it really hurt me when he told me he was starting to date someone else, and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of myself that he shattered.

[@rchender]

Finally! Took so long for you to actually make another meaningful video! Long overdue!

[@noahkling4018]

Oh the data points that we collect along the way. Be human, honest, and authentic and what you’re looking for will drift into your path.

[@jameslascelle9453]

Just turned 25. Goodness lots hope I’m not single by 30. It’s so hard here in rural Canada. Guess I better vacation in Chicago ❤️

[@alecw6978]

Hey mate, listening to this was key helping me process where things are at in my dating life. So refreshing and put a lot in perspective. Thanks again

[@anthonypetroneiii2260]

😊 Sam thank you! This was great 👍, Your adorable! There's a lot of good- on point info here! Thanks for sharing and being transparent! God bless! And peace to you!

[@sammenke11]

Confidence and boundaries are ABSOLUTELY sexy.,👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 It’s that personal work that always shines through. 🙌🏻🙌🏻✨✨

[@chrisxiao2824]

Very useful tips! Gonna come back to this video every time when I struggle in a situationship !

[@charliepage1927]

Some great words of advice. I’m 36 and if I could tell my younger self anything it would be these things you’ve said. It would’ve saved me a lot of hassle lol

[@palkiadialga2362]

Does it get any better? Im like your younger self and dating in this community is so exhausting. Everybody just wants to hookup and not commit, not counting the ghosting. 2 dates already since I kissed a guy for the first time ever and both of them were either racist or just wanted casual sex. How do I do it?

[@charliepage1927]

Not an easy answer that. The only thing I’ve found recently is to maintain your own personal boundaries and above all… take note of red flags. Any moment you get a red flag is a sign you need to pay attention. Persistent red flags shouldn’t be ignored. Relationships are a big commitment and sadly in this day and age, a lot of people just want hookups because any sort of attachment is seen as bad.

[@palkiadialga2362]

@charliepage1927 so my generation is doomed to remain lonely? I know that my peers are very superficial and materialistc but there is not much I can do about that. My last date would be on the phone all the time while we were out, always online, but replied to my tsxts days later whenever I wrote. Finding somebody that is the opposite is like looking for a needle in a haystack. They exist, but I am afraid they're all closeted.

[@Dragonmoon1598]

I don't date. Trying to get myself into that mindset, but ya, I would say the biggest thing is rejection. Not so much being rejected, like you said, not everyone is going to like you and your not going to like everyone. But, more along the lines that I've heard so many rejection stories based on the smallest and shallow thing. Their smile or laugh. They're fitness level. The bedroom preference. Which, okay better to get the shallow people out of the way. But even worse is that they just ghost you. And not that I would care to hear guy, after guy, after guy, tell me some new reason they don't like me or want to date me. The thought of getting rejected over, and over, and over again is not the most appealing possibility. Yet this seems to be the norm in the gay dating scene.

[@ohwowoh7281]

This is so wise. I hope you write a book

[@devincritch1008]

Great video same !! Some of the topics and have/currenty going through right now. The problem is actually applying the advice and knowledge :P

[@debabratabhaumik3204]

Point 3 was on point. Thanks.

[@altralinguamusica]

This was so helpful! Thank you! If I could find the words like you have, I would give all the same advice. So I thank you especially for verbalising as found it impossible when chatting with friends.

[@Js2Jo]

Love you, Sam!!

[@johanvanderwesthuizen5292]

You are very amazing. Thankyou At 73 i learn more. Keep doing the good work. ❤

[@agentgringo5238]

Could totally relate..thanks for sharing!😊❤

[@amandaneves7780]

Thanks for making this video, Sam, at this very time in my life when I needed it most. I just exited my twenties this year, and honestly, thank God! I just started getting into watching more podcasts and KZbin videos regarding dating because it certainly is an area in my life that could use some improvement. Troy Osterberg is another person who has been doing some dating videos lately. I like hearing a male perspective on dating. This may sound sad, but right now, I am seriously more interested in loyalty than this magnetic love that usually fizzles. I just want someone who is reliable, trustworthy, considerate, and supportive -- seems so simple, yet I'm still on a quest to find it. I liked how you red flagged lovebombing, emphasized missing the potential of a certain future vision versus missing the actual person, placing more attention on actions versus words, and trusting your gut. I need to follow my gut more, not my mind, which is so manipulative. :) The most profound phrase you said to me was, "You can't be found if you won't be seen and you can't win if you don't play." Oh, and boundaries are sexy! I have to work on creating boundaries and just enjoying the process without trying to force anything at the expense of losing my self-respect and becoming desperate for an unreciprocated feeling.

[@adrien0686]

It is a Good a list but the most difficult is to stay focus on it. You often trick yourself being blind on red flags people show on the first date cause the wrong people often looks more original and attractive. If it is complicated in the very begining it won’t improve by itself. Dating should be natural, healthy and easy at the begining.

[@cjazzgap5924]

Super insightful. I’m impressed.

[@TMendocino]

I am in my 60's...This guy is spot on! 😂 I found my husband and applied all these lessons and we have been happily married for 9 years. ❤

[@danielwong7538]

Hi Sam. I love your "Happiness Project".🥰

[@JoeP44]

Great advice, Sam! #9 and #8 resonated with me the most and are important reminders that more of us need to heed. Keep taking care of yourself and have a safe enjoyable holiday season! 🎄❤️

[@GreekViP22]

Great advice! Totally agree!

[@johnindy7164]

Wish you'd meet Mark E. Miller. You both seem like such good guys!!! Good advice....

[@mikemartinez299]

Love the man spread sam 🔥🔥🔥

[@NORBERTALIN]

This just means a lot. I have such a difficult time and I just happen to stumble upon your video Sam. Thanks for the things you said. I relate!

[@erickalbertocamachomorales1842]

Eres mi idolo crack 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

[@soda7703]

Thanks Sam, I find it really helpful!

[@Mcflyeon]

Great tips throughout 😀👍

[@dubon9999]

I love you Sam ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@Bigdrip840]

Great info! But Love is where you find it! Really!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

So nice to see a new video! Hope you’re doing well ❤

[@OscarArciaa]

Thank you very much Sam, needed this so much in my 20s. Even though everything is slowly coming together ❤️ Happy Holidays!

[@bobmister250]

Sam, you're really cute. I don't know how to say this without sounding weird but here we go: Don't be upset about your age. You talked in a recent video about competing with guys in their 20s for dates. As a guy in my early 30s who dates guys in their 20s and early 30s, I can say age is just a number... It's not fully determinative of your worth of values which are more important.

[@louiscaruso4167]

You are a dynamic person...❤

[@Connor_Kennedy]

I mean, i think i agree with everything he said, listen to that guy !

[@roter13]

You dodged a bullet with Chris Appleton. He seems like a diva.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

The part about the smear campaign really put things into perspective.

[@LeonScottKennedy134]

Agree sam

[@ludahucasas]

Love this!

[@oliveirawill_]

Couldn't relate more, I am exactly at that point and so hard to put all this things to work up here in my head! Hahaha Love u, Sam, from Brazil! 🇧🇷

[@guptaaish]

I agree with everything except the sparks part. I think sparks are necessary. Also, hate to be that guy but you used delulu wrong😂.

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

As a 53 years old Irish gay man from a traditional Irish Catholic background in the U.K. 21 years, I have given up on the whole gay dating scene, as I have a later in life diagnosis of autism, diagnosed in 2021, therefore it is deemed inappropriate by the advice of medical professionals for me to attempt to get into relationships with anyone because of my disability/condition.

[@mauriciovaladez7912]

Great video! I love your sweater where did you get it?I want one?😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

[@renzinthewoods]

#1. There are husbands and lovers. Know the difference and know what you really want. #2. You are cuter than you think you are. #3. True love comes with time and devotion and hard work. It can evolve from the passionate “Love At First Sight” but that’s a combo of lust, attraction, emotional baggage… #4. Great sex is awesome, but that’s not the foundation of a solid long term relationship, it’s fine for a hot fling (see #1). #5. Know your boundaries, know your limits, say “No” when you need to. The right partner will take it all in stride. AND…in the wise words of Maya Angelou, “When a guy shows you who he is, believe him.”

[@DiamondFlame45]

Good video! What do you say to the gay men who say that your lessons are heteronormative? Honestly, I think gay men have a bad tendency to use heteronormativity to justify promiscuity and lack of commitment.

[@samcushing]

Can you clarify what you mean by that with an example?

[@noelleggett5368]

Some things are common to the human condition - regardless of where you stick your bits, and how many you stick them into.

[@DiamondFlame45]

@@noelleggett5368 That’s just a cop out.

[@noelleggett5368]

@@DiamondFlame45 Well, I suggest that you answer young Sam’s question, since it’s his thoughts you solicited in the first place. (And I fail to see how, as a single species, we share many common traits, is a ‘cop-out’.

[@DiamondFlame45]

@@samcushing Sure! You mentioned having kids. And quite frankly, parenthood is something that’s not actively pushed to gays. Also, some gays might say they have no incentive to be in a stable monogamous relationship because there is no biological or societal pressure to settle down. It’s not like men have a biological clock like women.

[@EushaHaque-w9z]

hey could you make another piano music i really love it by the way i am also following you names Eusha . your a very good inspiration to me boosting my confidence thank you

[@feelingenhancer]

Love the Hair Do

[@danny.k1620]

Sometimes I’m confused if I should focus on age or not, as there’s a friend who I know for more than 8 years, I thought about dating this friend for few times, but he is like 15 years older. So I not so sure. As majority of my group of friends are young adults in their 20s.

[@JoshReifel-wd8qy]

Just wish someone had been around to tell me these things when I was in my 20s! Would have saved me lots of suffering and pain. Lessons learned the hard way 😂

[@samcushing]

I also wish that :(

[@eddieg1994]

Love this

[@AngeloKoster-ni5dn]

3:21 hi sam cushing i actually got a question... like how would u know if some1 likes you especially when u get that weird & uncomfortable feeling whilst talking to that person but you also dont wanna ruin your friendship? Yet everytime u together he just acts weird but in a friendly way,lemme remind u that his religiously straight. Can u maybe give me a few tips or advice on what to do in that weird & awkward situation😮

[@LeonScottKennedy134]

U make good point

[@samcushing]

Which was your fave?

[@ReasonQuest]

Outstanding, Sam. Outstanding. I wish I were younger. ;)

[@nicholasjagger6557]

If you do meet someone you like and it develops, it is inevitable thst you will argue as you adjust to being a couple, there is also little chance of meeting a perfect fit partner, if you are incredibly lucky, you might find a best fit. There's also a very un-Millenial/Gen Z word, comrpomise. You will also need to compromise during a relationship; adult life can't be perfect.

[@christydolan6449]

True!

[@msperry50ca]

Aint that so true....dont listen to the words.....it's the actions that count...

[@willpower6638]

Sage advice thank you🌈☮️💜🌏🌬🌊🔥⚖️

[@cornkiller534]

Just subscribed 🤗

[@davidmcclellan9959]

SAM I LOVE YOU YOU ARE SMARTEST YOUNG I WISH YOU CAN TALKING TO ME THAT WILL CHEER ME UP IM TRYING BE MY SELF WELL NO ONE LIKE ME AT ALL IT'S OK FOR ME LET IT GO LOVE DAVID

[@tomwheat5]

I always enjoy your videos. You are amazingly handsome and you articulate your words very well. You also have a sexy voice. Anyways, I hope you are well and Happy Holidays to you and your family!!!

[@sergiocesar5013]

Where have you been Sam? I missed you

[@abidsalim6183]

My advice would be to not think A LOT , you feel things, trust your feeling !! If you think a lot, you will spend all your life alone and end alone like a ***

[@samthompson1080]

21 If every time you go out. Dinner. movie or whatever. You end up paying the bill.

[@TheIvyLens]

I’ve seen your vids from the beginning and I wanna say that like myself, life just beats the optimism out of us hahahaha 😂😂😂 Prince Charming never existed because it’s based off, if this then that. However, youre a wholesome and open hearted creature looking for a partner that you can continues life’s journey. May I recommend looking for people outside of the “scene”. I’m not even talking about clubbing, but like some southern or midwestern dudes who don’t subscribe to gay culture. I take it that part of you has one foot in the gay power couple image and the other foot in the im just human living a human experience. You’re very attractive physically, emotionally, and personably. So I thing it may be your environment and what how you think it can manifest e.g. Prince Charming. Eres mui especial y no hay tiempo en que necesitas conocer tu papi chulo 😉

[@calelle]

Sometimes you might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince or sleeping beauties to find a princess.

[@DaddyinVancouver]

You must have missed the part where Sam says "there are no princes".

[@abidsalim6183]

They exist only in our imagination, !!

[@PipesPlayer1980]

​@@abidsalim6183Why do you have a "," between your "!!"?

[@abidsalim6183]

@@PipesPlayer1980 😄 Sorry

[@fraserdonnelly3251]

You are An Amazing Guy Sam. Found your Channel a while ago. And so Glad I did. You are a true hero and inspiration to us All. Keep up the Incredible work. I Hope yourself and your family have a Wonderful Christmas and an Amazing New Year. All the best wishes and luck in the World. Enjoy 2024🌈🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🎅🎅🎅🤶⛄⛄🌲🎄🎄🎄🌲⛄⛄⛄🤶🤶🤶🎅🎅

[@tysons9222]

oh he’s definitely filmed in the bedroom before he just hasn’t shared it yet

[@Rei-lw9yy]

When I get blocked on the app, I tend to take it personally and feel rejected😭

[@noelleggett5368]

When that happens, after getting over the shock and grieving a little (six hours of your favourite ‘breakup’ ballads and/or Enya CDs should do it), then BREATHE A BIG SIGH OF RELIEF - because that a***hole just saved you months of frustration and anguish… and saved you a lot of time. Their loss; your gain. ❤

[@LeonScottKennedy134]

Hey Sam buddy

[@GarrettLanterMontgomery]

I LOVED GOOD VÍDEO 🧡💛💚💜🤎🌟💫✨🌠

[@acetrap]

Dude reach out to mark miller I've always thought you two would make a good couple