(2012) Alta - Two Sides

Verse 1:
I hear two sides through life, I know who's right,
When I hear em calling in my ear and installing thoughts,
Contradicting each other, depicting a beast and a lover,
Really want to be the one to tell me that quitting drugs is the buffer,
But I love self destruction, just as much as I hate it,
I've tried to escape it, then my health malfunctions,
I start shedding the kilos, my heart heading to zero,
Beats per minute, so I give it up and start the puffing,
On something, anything, cause I'm needing a fix,
Snow falls over green fields and I'm feening the pips,
With no fruit in sight, I thought I was over this,
A week seems like the longest I can be that sober kid,
Death I've come close to it, on purpose and by mistake,
I stay up late, asking if the highs are worth the falls,
But on drugs I don't care at all and it gives me a fright,
I can't even have a drink on the rocks, I'm that afraid of the ice.
Chorus:
I want to be happy, but I want to be sad,
I want to be sane, but I want to be mad,
I want to feel something, I want to feel nothing,
I'm caught up, cause I don't know who I am,
I want to be happy, but I want to be sad,
I want to be sane, but I want to be mad,
I want to feel something, I want to feel nothing,
I'm caught up, cause I don't know who I am.
Verse 2:
I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been,
Besides escaping for so long, that maybe this is a dream,
Footage of me barking to beats, for hours I've seen,
Calling myself emcee barks, with a pipe beside me,
I still have no recollection, it sends shivers down my spine,
Just like never forgetting chasing a cat at night with a knife,
Or I thought I'd be cursed, when it escaped I cried,
My heads an egg, cause I've been poached and fried,
Changing colours like chameleons to white, green or blue,
Varied by the mood I was feeling in different environments dude,
I wish I had one side, why am I fighting with two?
It's about time I start to try finding the truth,
I'm over this cartoon and seeing stars like astronomy,
I can't believe I let botany, lead to geology,
But it did no apologies, time to learn from my mistakes,
And change my life cause we control our own fate,
Like what!
Chorus:
I want to be happy, but I want to be sad,
I want to be sane, but I want to be mad,
I want to feel something, I want to feel nothing,
I'm caught up, cause I don't know who I am,
I want to be happy, but I want to be sad,
I want to be sane, but I want to be mad,
I want to feel something, I want to feel nothing,
I'm caught up, cause I don't know who I am.