Dating Over 50: Nice Guy, No Chemistry? 5 Tips When You’re Dating a Nice Guy With No Chemistry!

[@ianw5528]

Very important to consider that "chemistry" is a two way reaction. I've been on too many dates when the vibe from the lady was essentially "Go on, impress me" while she gave little or nothing of herself. In essence it felt like a job interview. It is very depressing in these circumstances to get the "I don't feel the chemistry" knock back when they did nothing to help generate it.

[@2ndActTV]

Absolutely! We’ve addressed that issue a lot! Don’t make the first date a job interview! Thanks for watching!

[@Lastfirstdate]

I so agree with you. Those dates where someone wants you to prove your worth while they sit there like a bump on a log and don't feel chemistry? Byeeeeeee

[@Snappypantsdance]

Love this episode. I do agree with Sandy on the thought that you can start out with no chemistry and it can build to nice heights!

[@OdidiifeolaFertilityFoundation]

You are right, it's actually a 2 way thing. If you are stiff on a date, it makes the other person stiff too. Life have a way of sending back to you what you're sending out. Good luck to all the guys searching and may the good Lord direct a man after His heart towards those of us waiting😅

[@paulschmitz9175]

@@Snappypantsdance Not a chance. Women know in the first 60 seconds if they're interested.

[@Evowoman1]

I gave a “nice guy” from church a chance. He wasn’t really my “type”, however, I was drawn to his faith. After spending quality time with him over a few weeks and getting to know him, I could see we had many common interests. While attending a concert, I began wondering what it would be like to kiss him. So, I planted one on him and that’s all she wrote. He’s a beautiful man, with a heart of gold who treats me like his queen. Even though I didn’t think I had chemistry with him, I’m grateful I opened myself up to experience a genuinely, nice guy because I finally met my Prince Charming. ❤️

[@Lastfirstdate]

What a great story of chemistry developing with someone who wasn't your typical type. Yay!

[@2ndActTV]

I love that! You weren't looking or expecting Prince Charming, and that's how you found him!! Thanks for sharing!

[@winkadink45]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish my girl would have planted a kiss on me. I grew up in a religious faith and I was trained to be a good guy. ( I think the term good guy is better than nice guy). My challenge and difficulty was I was never taught any skills or techniques to win my girls heart. She expected me to know how to be romantic with her. So I grew up in a catch 22, she expected me to give her something that I was never taught how to do. She had more experience in the romantic dept than I did! I needed her to show me how to kiss a woman. In other words, i needed a womans touch to make me into a transformed man. I was a capable man, but my problem was, i was an incomplete man. And having her to initiate the first kiss to me, would have made me not only a complete man, it would have giving me confidence, plus it would have giving me confirmation that it is ok to be intimate with her. I think that's a very important thing because as good guys, we want you ladies to know that as good guys, we just cant takes liberties with you. Look what happened on the news with the incident durring the FIFA tournament. The coach got into trouble for kissing one of the players. They say it was a kiss that was unwanted, but I did not see her push him away or anything. So many of us good guys, in todays social society, we are so confused, we dont know what's appropriate, or even when its appropriate to kiss a woman. So just my opinion, I think it's better for the woman, if she wants to be kissed, that she should be the one to initiate it first. The other thing about dull and boring or the Bad Boy guy that you made reference to in the video, ladies this is my friendly advice, if you meet a nice guy or good guy which ever term you use, and if you see he's struggling as to what to do, but you see he has some redeemable qualities, dont fold your arms, criticize him, or worst give up on him, just step up, take to initiative and be the mans helper. For example, if you see he's not the best dresser, use that as an opportunity to take him on a shopping mall date, show him some different styles of clothing, make statements like " women find these types of clothing sexy on a guy " or " I think this really looks good on you". If you think he's dull and boring, dont leave him to go with a bad boy, teach the good guy some skills and techniques to help him be exciting and thrilling, for example, take him out dancing, ect, or whatever excites you! teach him or show him that! This way you dont have to sell out to the bad boy. Instead of filling up the cup of the bad boy with his ego, why not fill the cup of the good guys self esteem? So instead of complaining about what a good man lacks in, all you have to do is spend 10 or 15 minutes just to give the good man some corrective direction and you could possibly help him transform himself into the man that you would like for him to be. If you do that, he will forever love you for that! Remember mens style of communication, we like specifics, details, instructions, and directions.

[@Evowoman1]

@@winkadink45 WOW!! Your response was amazing and heartfelt!! My “good guy” is what you described in yourself, so maybe I was the naughty girl by planting the kiss. 😱 One of the best suggestions I can give from my own personal experience, is to be content alone, be the person you need to be for the person you’d want to attract, and one day you will recognize her in your midst.

[@winkadink45]

@@Evowoman1 thank you for your encouragement, however for me it wont happen because of a few factors. The girl that I made reference to. She was very unique in a special kind of way because me and her had met on the same month and same year when Haleys Comets was present in the earth's sky! She was the only girl I loved and had real romantic feelings for. It was literally a match and a miracle that was made in heaven! Also as you know, Haley's Comet is a once in a life time encounter. For this year, I have been in a melancholy mood over that. It took me 37 years to finally figure that out! When we were young, we were not spiritual, however we were religious. If I would have known some spirituality back then, I would have asked her to elope with me because I was the equivalent of being a poor church boy. I didn't have any money yet for an engagement ring and a big wedding. Of course there is much more to the story that would be too much to mention on this platform for you to understand the significance of that meet up. So when any of you say " oh some day the right one will come along" or " she wasn't the one for you", well the fact is the right one did come and go and yes she was the right one. The month that Haleys Comet was in view was March. That Was her birth Month. She had just turned 21 years old. So yes, there is much more to it. Unfortunately I'm too old for that. I should be enjoying my grandchildren by now. I never even got to experience my first kiss. And I wanted to experience that with her and nobody else.

[@amygalvin1799]

Whenever I’ve been instantly attracted to a man( most of my life and marriage) , there was always the awkward stage in the relationship when the rose colored glasses came off and we’ve had to get to know each other. Many times there was little else there other than physical chemistry.

[@2ndActTV]

Yes! That’s exactly what we are talking about! Thanks for your comment Amy!

[@SanVic]

So you slept with men before you got to know them, good job, Amy.

[@paulschmitz9175]

At the age of 53, after being "friend-zoned" one too many times, I started dating in Eastern Europe. OMG, it was so much more enjoyable than dating in America!

[@Cumbiafan60]

much cheaper too...I will never date Western woman anymore

[@austriaperez497]

Hello ladies! The chat today is for me, I'm going through exactly to that right now...We met two months ago and we see each other at least twice a week, we have conversation every day by phone and we are growing something very special...I believe that we both are conscious and curious , no judging, no expectations, but intentional ...We are connecting beautifully even though we still don't have the desire to get naked yet, at least from my side and he is very patient...loving it..

[@dmark2639]

Why wouldn't you love getting all the attention without having to invest yourself physically? Seems like a very one-sided situation to me...

[@austriaperez497]

@@dmark2639 i don't believe so, men now want to be too physically too soon, I'm over 50th but i got my own way and that is taking my time to get to know the person before sharing my body...I always been that way. Whoever really wants me, not only my body will wait a reasonable time without getting desperate, cause the reward will be worthy = A long relationship/partnership that will last the rest of the journey 🙌 Ps: I'm happy alone so far 😊

[@leland9902]

Ask lots of questions.

[@Wildevis]

Thank you for pointing out the ways we can be attracted to someone. I have realised I cannot fool myself, I cannot be with someone who is not adventurous like me (love the concept of going bowling as you see how they deal with losing if you are better lol) I also value having someone to have an intelligent conversation with who has a wide knowledge as I love that stimulation of learning new things. We grew up talking around the table after dinner discussing many deep and interesting things and I still love that. No matter how physically attracted I am to someone, if I cannot have an interesting, stimulating conversation or have at least a few adventurous dates ( like the go-carting) it quickly fizzles out for me, so physical attractiveness and chemistry is not high on my list as that fades with time in any case, Sometimes we just need to be brutally honest with ourselves and not waste our, or their time trying to force something that is not going anywhere

[@Lastfirstdate]

great points! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@amygalvin1799]

Maybe mention your love of bowling and go carting as top turn ons?

[@andrewbird57]

Haha...Sandy nails it again about the nice guy who keeps telling a woman they are really nice but really they are quite predatory.

[@2ndActTV]

Yup!👍

[@Lastfirstdate]

Yes, many are!

[@dave-j-k]

Chemistry can build, basic attraction first, manners and how they act, then have a couple of dates, no such thing as love at first sight I think, ignore lust unless you just want to hook up for a night. If no spark or chemistry after 2-3 dates then reassess.

[@2ndActTV]

Agree 100%! Thanks for watching!

[@Lastfirstdate]

Yep! Lust at first sight is not love at first sight.

[@liliakogan3043]

I enjoy your show and the guests you have. My experience has been, when you have chemistry other than physical, you tend to become good friends. It is the physical chemistry that pushes you to want to create other connections, such as emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc...Can you eventually develop physical chemistry? Maybe. That has not been my experience.

[@2ndActTV]

The physical chemistry is definitely the driver, I agree. It is also what so often steers us in the wrong direction. That's the dilemma 🤔 Thanks for your comment!

[@Lastfirstdate]

Yes, it can grow if other types of chemistry are there. Not always, but sometimes.

[@stephanie7572]

I agree. You can have everything Sandy is talking about with a friend, male or female. Your romantic connection is the only one where you need sexual chemistry. I say if the physical spark is not there on the first date, forget it. And I wish I had realized this earlier in life, it would have saved me a lot of "wrong turns."

[@lesleymiles4946]

I was with someone for 27 years and never felt chemistry for him. It was a very painful experience as I'm a high libido person

[@terrifromm5085]

Always give a man/woman a second date. Nerves or other factors can influence first dates. So true about “nice guys” who aren’t nice at all. Great segment!

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Terri!! Appreciate the comment!

[@Lastfirstdate]

Thanks, @terrifromm5085

[@stacyjaye6350]

Oh hell no LOL. I mean I get what you're saying, but there's some people I wish I wouldn't even had a first date with. There's some deal-breakers in there. Like bad table manners.😆

[@johnballard6725]

I agree if you are not absolutely certain you and the new person are not a match give them a second chance you might be pleasantly surprised as people don’t display all their traits on a first date.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

as a matchmaker and dating coach, I can assure you that most clients over 50 have come to realize you can no longer lead with chemistry. that is why I challenge clients to make 3 dates happen before deciding about chemistry and potential.

[@2ndActTV]

Good advice! Thanks for your input Carey.

[@OdidiifeolaFertilityFoundation]

Absolutely, those butterflies have a way of flying low after 50😅 And you can't blame them, they have been flying for so long😂

[@jameszee7585]

Thank you for all your videos. Very informative and helpful. I recently met someone and we decided to meet again. I am mentioning this because our second meeting was a little different. We went on a 450 mile motorcycle ride. Definitely not conventional, but we are still talking and planning the next date. Thank you again.

[@2ndActTV]

Wow, that's definitely an "exciting" second date!! Thanks for watching and sharing your experience. Enjoy the journey!☺

[@Lastfirstdate]

James, that sounds awesome. Glad you had that second date.

[@webbsamples]

I am amazed at the distance. If a woman wants to ride, I take her on a 10 mile run in the country. Everyone of them have loved the short into. Sounds like you have found a great prospect.

[@madamecurious]

I will never again go out to a restaurant on a first date! Because I want to enjoy my delicious meal, but I also want to focus on my date (can’t do both). I’m chewing and can’t talk; food can get stuck in my teeth … it’s a nightmare scenario for me 😅

[@2ndActTV]

Too funny! 😂 and actually a great point! Thanks!

[@madamecurious]

@@2ndActTV you’re welcome ☺️

[@Lastfirstdate]

Spinach in your teeth is not a good look for a first encounter :)

[@truthboomertruthbomber5125]

When I was younger I would have been embarrassed. Now that I’m not I would find it funny. That’s how life works !

[@reflectiveFrankC]

I've read and listened to lots of relationship experts of others over the years. It is getting to be I forget who said or wrote what. Still I remember one talking about this attraction is an unconscious call that a relationship with this person will bring up unhealed issues from our past. It is a sign if both feel it that the relationship can bring healing. The problem is it is unconscious and if past lessons haven't taught adult communication skills one just ends up running past patterns, resulting in the same old same old. The point is getting enough maturity to develop adult commununication rather than falling into old habitual control dramas is what is needed. A book that is connected to several others is "Getting the Love You Want " hashelped me understand I'm looking for someone open to improving communication with over chemistry. If memory serves there is a married couple behind the books that would be worth interviewing. There last name might be Paul or something similar. There are several books and one is a workbook I found most helpful in seeing my issues. To me they are even better than John Gray for insights and I have learned a lot from him.

[@sesvaoffice8331]

this may seem odd but for me someone has to smell good (naturally - no perfumes etc). I think everyone smells different to everyone else. I've met people who were great on other levels but I couldnt connect with their smell. when I met my partner (now passed) I loved his smell immediately.

[@dmark2639]

That is actually the true origin of the term "chemistry". There is an actual biological connection based on compatible natural pheromones that is "attractive"

[@hump1953]

Thank you, I will shower three times a day now...

[@sesvaoffice8331]

LOL @@hump1953

[@tourdfrance9263]

I really liked your guest Sandy…she pointed a good tips.

[@RedRoyce]

Love isn't an emotion but has emotions in it. To many people get caught up into the effectuation thinking it's the love spark. Love is a choice to love, give yourself to someone in the good and bad times. Emotions in love come and go so you have to work on this part to keep it alive after some time. At first it easy but as time goes on your not always going to be in the effectuation stage of emotions. I'm a 64 year old man single but really want to find a friend first, a good person, a good heart tender and ready to move on before investing into something much more deeper. I know most girls want the spark so my wants will not work in most cases. LOL Good show girls!

[@hump1953]

I really liked this video...

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for letting us know, and thanks for watching!

[@betterlivingonabudget]

This was so interesting. I'd never thought about different types of chemistry. It also applies to why we are friends with people (well, #2-5, lol).

[@julialednicky7542]

At this stage of the game, it’s not immediate. It takes time for initial interest to grow into attraction in response to how he treats you, doing fun things together & having a good time.

[@2ndActTV]

Agree!! Thanks for your comment Julia!🙂

[@susanneosborne7861]

My ex-husband and I were together 22 years. I never had that I wanna rip your clothes off feeling for him, but on all other levels he was so right for me. I met him after a long string of passionate interludes that went nowhere. When I met him we fell in love in 48 hours. It was intellectual and spiritual and he made me laugh. We married 4 years later, had our daughter 6 years into the relationship, and built a great life together, even though we had issues of course. At the 21 year mark I fell in love with someone who sparked me so intensely that I left my marriage. It lasted one year. I've had 2 long terms since. The most recent was 10 years with a man I had endless attraction to and never said no to sex, but he is a narcissist. I needn't say more. 23 years after my divorce I'm sorry I gave up on my marriage. He was made of the stable stuff most women crave. I'm in my late 60s and done with relationships, but I would tell women to give the nice guys a chance.

[@victorramirez1280]

I wonder about this, what qualifies a "nice" guy for. a woman? Think there are varying opinions on this. I think this might be more of a female perspective. First dates are not always the best time to make a decision, unless there are major red flags obviously. I like all the different aspects Sandy presents here. Would like to see a episode on "nice" girls. Good show Silke.

[@2ndActTV]

That's a great question! Joni and I did a video addressing this in more detail if you'd like to take a look. Being "nice" is not always nice ... 😉 kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJS9kJZnj86jps0

[@Lastfirstdate]

Great idea for a segment on nice girls. Let's do it, Silke!

[@andrewbird57]

Sandy really nails it. Chemistry often masks incompatibilities or red flags you should be paying attention to. I'm mid 60s, if a man or woman is prioritizing chemistry at this point in life I feel their quest to find a long-time partner is doomed. Silke is so right, looks are fleeting. Years ago in my late 50s I dated a woman for a few months, we were physically intimate from an early stage and we had a good intellectual connection. But she was half an inch taller than me, 5-foot-11, and after a few months she decided that she needed her man to be taller than her so that when she wore heels she wouldn't be self conscious, and she broke it off.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for sharing Andrew! Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet! 🤗

[@Lastfirstdate]

thank you, Andrew. She left you because of a 1/2 inch? That's too bad. Her loss...

[@andrewbird57]

@@Lastfirstdate She said she needed to be with a man who is at least 6-2 so she could wear heels and still be shorter than him. I think the last time I saw her she was with a very tall man - 6-4 or 6-5 - so maybe she found what she was looking for.

[@amygalvin1799]

Wow, shallow.

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

​@@amygalvin1799 No different than men having preference for beautiful women or younger women

[@darkraft1020]

Listening to these older women talk about the female experience, & relationships helps restore my faith in women. Having not many positive examples of women in my life, and trust issues caused by bad relationships, and then the echo chamber of the internet filled with examples of heartless women and double standards imposed on men, I was loosing faith, and had almost given up. But recently trying to bring myself to try again.

[@gabbypage6929]

I really tried Mr nice instead of the chemistry thing. If there is not connection you can’t force a relationship.

[@snörre23]

That title seems wrong, when you don't feel chemistry because a guy is nice then the problem is on your side.

[@lizanneward1484]

I agree with the concept that it could take more than one date. However one potential problem is when someone misrepresents themselves (ie athletic) and then you meet in person, they are 30 pounds overweight and it can be hard to get past that point. I’m a slim, fit, active woman in my 60’s and I can deal with a man being somewhat overweight but their is a line about how much I can deal with despite being intellectually and otherwise attracted. Also, being older I can’t help but think about the health factor, are they on the cusp of having a heart attack, type 2 diabetes etc. which sadly comes back to that saying about being the nurse or the purse.

[@hump1953]

Works both ways...I had a 64 year old lady friend for a long time met an 80 year widower who has one foot in the grave in poor health....and married him..she was looking for a purse....

[@DougHardy541]

I don’t normally do this, but I must respectfully disagree with Sandy in this episode. Especially for men, since we’re visual creatures, physical chemistry or attraction is the catalyst and is absolutely essential, for the simple reason that none of the other “chemistries” can be established or discovered without time. In fact I would seriously argue that these are types of connection, not “chemistry” at all. A woman suddenly doesn’t become more attractive because she shares a common interest with you, she was always either hot or not-it’s virtually impossible to generate physical chemistry from ground zero purely based on connection.

[@Lastfirstdate]

thanks for sharing your thoughts, and I get what you're saying. I should have clarified that I don't believe you can go from ground zero to 10 on the attraction scale. For women, the attraction can definitely grow from a 5 to a 10 when other forms of connection are there.

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Doug, you make very good points and, especially for men, I realize physical chemistry at the onset is extremely important. I think for women, chemistry can develop over time if all the other boxes check. I think many of us, meaning women, don't realize that, and we look for and expect prince charming who does not exist. I think that if you enjoyed being with someone and the other boxes check, a second date is well worth it. That being said, when I first started dating again, I met a guy who checked all the boxes, even looks-wise, he🙂 really "should have been" right for me, but I just didn't feel it. I gave it 5 dates if I remember right ...

[@DougHardy541]

@@Lastfirstdate I should clarify as well, that men are generally speaking less “picky” or selective than women are. Meaning that there is a lower threshold to get our initial attention. Hence the “nice guys” who are actually not so nice. Also, there are behaviors (from both sides) that definitely overcome any physical chemistry rather quickly.

[@DougHardy541]

@@2ndActTV I think you just made my point. In your case, the physical was there, but the other connections didn’t develop-that’s the whole selection process. Paul is probably happy knowing he made the cut in all aspects.😀

[@tobyschoeneberger7126]

Are there men actually confident enough to approach an attractive woman?? Wondering.....

[@stephenkilpatrick807]

good discussion.

[@MyFrankieee]

I’ve been on a couple of dog walk dates and it’s a much better ice breaker than coffee ❤the dogs I adored one of them dived in for a hug (the dog I mean ) unfortunately the 2nd date without the dog didn’t go so well lol nice to see sandy again xx

[@Lastfirstdate]

Thanks for sharing your atypical first date experience. I guess your dogs could have dated :)

[@2ndActTV]

That made me laugh!! I could picture it!!😂

[@richardpauly1635]

You have a nice pic.i walk doggie yes you meet alot of people .yes you need to have the chemistry so you can be happy

[@FlyingFun.]

In my 50s i can appreciate a good looking woman but would much rather spend time with like minded fun people regardless of looks. I know when there is chemistry right from the off its good but often that fades and reality hits home then there is just boredom or awkwardness.

[@webbsamples]

On Silke's request for the men to weigh in on "Go on more exciting dates." Yes, this is needed. One way to do this is no more "Doofus Dating." (ie. D.O.O.F.U.S: Dating Only On Friday Und Saturday) nights. Yep, open it up on those Tuesday and Wednesday nights with those out of the box dates.

[@Lastfirstdate]

I love the acronym DOOFUS dating!

[@webbsamples]

@@Lastfirstdate Thanks, I made it up just for this channel. Your content was especially good today. I always learn from you.

[@junebrezgis1652]

Watch out for the nice guy that is a charmer but does something unexpected and shocking to you . Its a big red flag. I dated more than one of these people I will not give them the time of day ever again. I am talking about something that is mean spirited or makes you fee uncomfortable. There is something else there.

[@resourcefulqueen]

Unrealistic expectations can ruin experiences. Are your expectations in line?

[@plzhd2]

Is true, "lust/chemistry" has gotten me into trouble! However, getting back into the dating scene, I AM giving the "nice" or not so attractive to me a chance (two or three dates), is NOT working!🙄 I find myself working hard for them to "get me" and/or my sense of humor. I am giving the nice guys a chance and a half! I've tried more than just the coffee/dinner dates. Maybe I'm choosing the wrong nice guys?!

[@2ndActTV]

Maybe? 😉 And it doesn't always work, it just gives someone - including yourself more of a chance. In many respects, especially online dating, is a numbers game - that is very common. And that's okay, not everyone will be a match. It does sound like you have the right mindset!! 🤗

[@Lastfirstdate]

If you're working so hard for a connection, this is not just about them being 'nice'. There has to be more - whether it's similar interests or sense of humor, that's where connection and attraction can grow.

[@ugaladh]

This is a concern of mine - I know I'm only an average looking man, I've known for over a decade that I'm not a good "First Impression" person and co-workers have confirmed this. I have more LTR qualities than dating qualities.

[@NoName-zb1gm]

Too many women want a spark instead of finding an attractive guy and letting the attraction take its time. I went through this with someone from my Church. We would have been a good fit maybe a great fit but she wasn't attracted to me.

[@markpeters7466]

I agree all of these traits are good however anytime I went with a women who was not attractive and looked at her intellect and income there was always something important missing.I would at the time not even know what it was until I would see other beautiful women go by.I was never really happy with an average or below average women.

[@Shirley-v3g]

Unfortunately - it takes a spark to lite a fire 🔥 / without the initial spark - keep walking - and don’t fool yourself or disappoint the other person… / falling in love is completely illogical… it’s mostly all about chemistry and having the means to make life happen 😊

[@ladonnawilson2145]

Thanks

[@2ndActTV]

.... and thanks for watching!

[@azmike3572]

A repeat post, but maybe applicable here: "We didn't have chemistry". She was low on zinc, I was too high on copper, we did have some potassium and cadmium, but both of us were low on oxygen. No wonder we didn't click. 🙂

[@boengstrom1107]

Do not be nice. Push your sexual interest forward. I think pick-up artists have a good point there. Being nice is like a gamble on a lottery. The chance of winning is just to limited. It is difficult for women to understand the concept of the nice guy as he always is found on the loosing side of the dating game.

[@2ndActTV]

You're right, being "nice" is absolutely a two edge sword! We actually did a video on just that topic with Joni. Thanks for watching.

[@dmark2639]

This is a dangerous prescription in a "Mr too" world full of false alligators....

[@mollywhitman5219]

I’m not comfortable giving my phone number to a stranger on line. You can pull a lot of info on you. Any suggestions?

[@2ndActTV]

Great question Molly. I know Sandy uses a dedicated online number for just this purpose. I'll ask her about it again and get back to you. She will chime in later as well. Thanks for asking!!

[@InDogsITrust]

You can set up a Google Voice account (or similar). It can be used with your smartphone, incoming and outgoing calls and texts reflect the GV number and not that of your phone. It is not traceable/searchable to the user. This works very well for me. 😊

[@abart2056]

I agree, however you can always block their number on your phone but they can still give it to others. 🤔

[@InDogsITrust]

@@abart2056 imo, women in particular should protect their real number as a safety precaution, since it can be used to find addresses and other personal information we would not want strangers to have. My potential dates go through my untraceable Google Voice number until I vet them and their background. If and when I feel comfortable and safe, I reveal more info like my actual name and phone number.

[@mollywhitman5219]

@@2ndActTV thanks! Love your show!

[@joerockhead7246]

Silke, I always enjoy Sandy as a guest. However, today, we're not seeing eye to eye. Thanks for posting.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for watching Joe and all good about not seeing eye to eye. We are all different and need different things. Some advice/opinions will resonate and some will not. As always, I appreciate your engagement and support!🤗

[@Lastfirstdate]

Thanks, Joe. I'm curious why you don't see eye to eye today. Can you share your thoughts please?

[@joerockhead7246]

@@Lastfirstdate @ 6:20 you say " and he was not attractive to her". I don't want to be with someone who says that about me. And I don't want to say that about who I'm dating. I understand looks fade as we age. But that initial physical attraction is a must in my opinion, at any age. In fact, if I knew a girl said that about me and still wanted to see me, i'd decline.

[@Lastfirstdate]

@@joerockhead7246 thanks for clarifying. I hear what you're saying and agree, we want to know we're attractive to each other. When I say 'not attractive' it can mean so many things. Sure, someone has to be somewhat attracted for it to grow. If it's not a 5 out of 10, it will not grow to a 10. But in my opinion, if it's at least a 5, it can grow and be amazing.

[@KathrynAnn-MatthewsWebb-et1gf]

What was #4?

[@mypov4343]

For women, is he truly being nice or just manipulative? For men, is she interested in me or just what I can provide?

[@Lastfirstdate]

Yep!

[@2ndActTV]

Exactly! Good way to break it down!

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

He is being manipulative.

[@dmark2639]

​@@wyleecoyotee4252 He is manipulative, and yet she is not?

[@philippegauthier9692]

you know , it like you love the ferrari , but give the civic a second chance , it will bring from A to B it just really have bad taste when you'r that civic , because deep down in you'r soul , you know she would like to be with the ferrari .

[@dmark2639]

How many people out there can truly afford a Ferrari? Slim to none, and slim just died... Most people don't qualify for a Ferrari. They should learn to appreciate the Honda that is on their level.

[@philippegauthier9692]

@@dmark2639 yeah , but women want their men to be that ferrari , that what the women movement are telling them . they deserve one . just for being a women . that qualify them

[@azmike3572]

@@dmark2639 BUYING a Ferrari is the easy part. It's the maintenance and astronomical cost of parts that's expensive. You might know, for example, the quirk that possible buyers want ALL maintenance and repairs done by a Ferrari dealer. If not, it lowers the value of the car drastically.

[@nicolehansen7156]

I married the nice guy, and I still struggle to be sexually attracted. I have chemistry in all other areas with him. We live a nice life, but really missing that feeling of wanting sex with him. It was there very little at the beginning, but I fear only because it was new and I was very vulnerable to affection at the time. Will chemistry grow even though we’ve been together over 5 years?

[@M-iy4tf]

Keep getting run through ladies 🤣 Just admit you love it

[@Annabelle-n3e]

Chemistry is too important to a man. If there's no chemistry for a man, no second date. It doesn't matter what you do on a 1st date so I disagree with her.

[@woodliceworm4565]

Time and resources are to valuable to waste on a dead end - yes I agree.

[@lenettew1353]

Chemistry is important but not the only thing to consider. After all, if you have to put a bag over their head because they are repulsive where the fun in that?😝

[@david9920]

I think if you won't to bond with a man doing something that solve problems together. I think must feel safe with you trust is a process women attach true oxeytosen.I think the attachment stile of the person is important view some of the attachment sepcilist knowing your own is vital. Along with their love language. I knew it sounds complicated. By the way the most of people go about life in drone mode unaware of other's more conexyoun comes from being present in the moment and letting the person share how they are and listen not me being bla bla bla about my self

[@leemareskow]

Nope…couldn’t disagree more

[@2ndActTV]

That’s okay! Thanks for watching!

[@dmark2639]

I'm male 53 and have basically given up trying to date or find a girlfriend, let alone a wife. These women are so picky and "won't settle" for anyone but "Mr. Perfect" who checks 100 different boxes. I've done all the work on myself and would truly be a catch for any reasonable woman. It's just literally impossible to build solid relationships with these delusional women.

[@gabbypage6929]

Same with the men who are looking for perfection

[@richardpauly1635]

I'm your age and same no kids never been married.

[@woodliceworm4565]

Interesting perspectives here it does boil down to - most women having no problem finding a date or causal sex that is a biological thing and men have to suck it up. The majority of men have minimal luck even finding a date, In the comments the women state how their dates did or didn't work out, and men (non-chads) are like 'Date does that happen'. The thing is women have sexual attraction and now have communication, marketing and distance covered via social media so they have infinite options when choosing men, and they choose the ones they are attracted towards, problem is those men are few and have choices themselves due to demand. The male-female thing has slipped into a kind of polygamy marketplace with Chad or the Chief and his concubines the rest of the leftover men swallowing different coloured pills. It is however none of men's business who women choose or don't, or who they show no interest in or care less about. For the most part, women always have many options from the men contacting them, which is why they win the serial dating game and divorce men more easily and can make lists of demands. Men must decide - do I back away knowing all this is a dynamic and is outside my control or do I crash into battle, bright shirts John Travolta Saturday night fever pants, talking like a true Chad - no Mr. Nice guy and block off the rejections like batman at a gay parade. That is what men can control themselves not women. Men can't be like wallpaper and complain women don't see them against the wallpaper. Men can function by themselves without issues and when secure in their own inner peace, may not wish to participate in high-energy high-cost dating rituals if the outcomes (all or any of the scenarios) are against the odds. Again that is men's choice in the matter because they can choose that path, not because women this that or the other..

[@webbsamples]

That is it . . .you can't find true love with a delusional woman. The catches are out there . . . some even on this forum, but they also have had a mixed bag of experiences. We are all looking at some level . . . you may just need a break for a while.

[@ErnieLeblanc]

No.

[@Larry.Roberton]

I get nice guy, needs to pay for my retirement.

[@lenettew1353]

People suck! I don't date because too many people are looking for a perfect person with a bankroll. The only men who I seem to attract are looking for a nurse with a purse. These people think I'm nuts for wanting to enjoy being single and want nothing to do with them! 🤨

[@ldub4563]

I disagree w/no chemistry u are just settling for less than what u want

[@jackfenton2271]

I'm done. No more. The insanity I've encountered is unnerving. I'll spend the rest of my life with my skis, my bike, my car, and my cat. Adios crazies.

[@leland9902]

Move on to the next guy. don't waste your time. If you meet the right person you will know it immediately, you have to pay attention to what you want.

[@daniela_k]

What are they talking about those two ladies? Especially the one in the checkered dress who doesn't seem to have dated once in her life and take the liberty of giving advice to other women! Why choose when you can get both parts from the right man? There are no nice guys, and certainly attraction is important in meetings. Just because he pays bills and is so "shy" that he hides his true self to avoid being exposed for what he is doesn't mean you should give him not just one chance but several after that. We women have a lifetime of experience and can read people before we let them into our lives. I can say from my own experience that the attraction does not develop over time if it is not there from the beginning. It's much nicer to be "tricked" by a "bad guy" who is passionate, forward and funny than to be caught in a relationship with the "nice guy" who can't give a woman what she needs and to whom she is not attracted of.

[@eddy2561]

I'm a big fan of lust!! ;)

[@2ndActTV]

Me too! Lust just doesn't last 😉

[@cmuir6757]

❤ I disagree with this lady about going on so called exciting first dates like bungee jumping. I notice she then toned it down to dog walking and bowling! There's a big difference between those activities. To me she is saying you must entertain the other person. The purpose of the coffee date is to talk about what each wants in life. It's supposed to be informative, not entertainment. If you strike gold it is fun and exciting talking. For me I have learned there must be chemistry kindness and empathy and be a dog lover. Also no beards. I dislike beards moustaches and unshaven look.

[@33Jenesis]

I have to want to be intimate with a guy to want to date him. No amount of other connections will propel me into a romantic relationship without the physical part. When I lost the desire to be intimate with a BF that’s when I knew it’s over. I have never taken back a BF after breakup. It’d feel gross like dating a biological brother.

[@robertvarner9519]

Sparks? Chemistry? Sounds like you're talking about activation energy. Try adding a catalyst to lower the activation energy to increase reactivity. Physical chemistry is a very demanding course in college. BTW concerning the concept of "fleeting": kzbin.info/www/bejne/q4HMeWCCd9OUa6ssi=IoOWspgBPLua-yrH

[@2ndActTV]

😂 You crack me up Robert! Thanks, I needed that!

[@virgiljohnson6484]

Organic chemistry was a beast for me. Two semesters and I had had enough. Qualitative analysis was easier for me than quantitative analysis.

[@virgiljohnson6484]

The George Patton thing. History seemed to have had a use for him and then disposed of him quickly when he was no longer needed. Glory is fleeting since it is contained in yourself. I suppose he might have been happier dying in combat (perhaps at Bastogne) than dying in a car accident.

[@ThorfinnSkullsplitter-fz7ff]

Sorry, if you're a woman over 45 or so, your options are just limited.

[@Skerrydav]

❤

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for watching!!

[@wendystardust01]

There's a big difference between nice & kind. I married the nice guy who was so invested in being nice he couldn't be kind

[@ErnieLeblanc]

Git'cha self Ted Bundy.😆🙃🤪🤭😲😳

[@cdscsi]

At this stage in the game for me It's not instant or building or anything. I am so glad I no longer deal with women at all except in a professional sense. I've been asked out many times over the last decade and I politely turn them down. I am very nice and courteous but I have zero desire to date any women at any time, now or in the future. Out of the several male friends I do have, most of them feel the same way.

[@curtislarson1487]

You deserve missory nice guys are not your problem