36 Years Old: I Have Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder

[@mysweetestpotato]

Hey Josh, I'm 38 and recently diagnosed a few months ago. In addition to Unmasking Autism, I might recommend Self Care for Autistic People, Love and Aspergers, What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic. These have helped me immensely. Take your time to process. Best of luck and may your diagnosis bring you peace.

[@willott9470]

You are a beautiful man no matter what! Maybe this will provide some answers more than just given a diagnosis. There is nothing "wrong" with you and I've always thought you were a gorgeous man inside and out. If I could befriend you then I would in a heartbeat. I just want to encourage you brother that you are so loved by God and you are "perfectly and wonderfully made". Love you bro

[@robnichols3328]

Much Love Josh!! You are an intelligent, and good hearted man! That's really all that matters!♥️♥️

[@ezelldaniels6064]

I NEVER clicked so fast man. I really appreciate and admire your ability to be very open, vulnerable & transparent. Love you bro! ❤ Keep spreading your truth and inspire others brother

[@ezelldaniels6064]

@nicoleborja2124 you're entitled to your own opinion, but don't be rude

[@nicoleborja2124]

Rude how? I could never be as eloquent as this guy I wasn't being rude I admire him quite frankly ​@@ezelldaniels6064

[@JoshHitti]

As always, thanks for the support, dude 🙏🏼

[@JoshHitti]

@@nicoleborja2124I think it was just misinterpreted. Thank you for commenting, no harm done

[@saxachewon8062]

Im glad your diagnosis has given you closure, Josh. I hope you can grow into yourself more in the future. I’m likely on the spectrum but I personally don’t think a diagnosis would help me emotionally. I’d rather just not be a freak.

[@coreyt4854]

Wow, I’m in tears 😭 You finally have a diagnosis !! 🙌 It’s great to see your journey unfold , I think it only goes up from here.I can only imagine the feeling, looking back on your life and thinking something just is just not quite right why can’t I connect with people? 36 years later you finally get the answer. I’m 36 too lol so yea so proud and wish you the best bro. 🎉

[@JoshHitti]

Spot on, thanks Corey. Once I process, I’m sure I’ll feel a huge sense of relief 🎉🙏🏼

[@Htahjft6287haj]

Dude! This popped up on my feed and I’ve been wondering about how you’ve been doing the last year. I haven’t watched the whole thing but will finish tomorrow - bedtime haha. Thanks as always for being so open and sharing your story Josh

[@jeffreyerickson6766]

Thanks for your courage to share your story. It helps others.

[@davidc8694]

I was married for 14 yrs to a spouse with (at the time) undiagnosed ASD. Had we known, there were so many adjustments we could have made to save what had been a beautiful relationship. I applaud you for your search for answers and for sharing your journey. Thank you, big guy. You're amazing and are helping a lot of people.

[@cgarstang]

I wish you didn't feel embarrassed about this. I think it's great that you know this now and are working to understand it better. I certainly don't think anything different about you because of a diagnosis. You're still you--a thoughtful, charming person. So good on you for taking care of yourself!

[@Jijohann]

It must be such a relieve to put a finger on it, to understand it. I love that you said “masking” it because yes, we mask it consciously or unconsciously, and we can’t suspect anyone to have autism, since there’s a whole spectrum. Your video for me is a reminder to consult a professional for tests. I’ve been told twice that I might have autism, I brushed it off, but over the years I had to face myself and recognize some traits. I know; we can’t diagnose ourselves so I’m very curious about my “condition” and I think we all should. Imagine all these people living their life without knowing anything about their mental condition.

[@marcoram4]

Hope you get more clarity and peace with your diagnosis. I too can relate. Much love ✌🏼

[@CheekyMama58]

Great to hear from you Josh. I know it was a difficult share for you but it was brave of you to seek answers and to share the results. Knowledge is power. I'm happy that you have answers. ASD is so wide and you are bringing awareness. As a person who has worked in this community for over 30 years and having a gorgeous Grandson with moderate to severe autism, I'll tell you my favourite saying about ASD - "If you meet one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." ❤

[@mattwinick7659]

Hi Josh thank you for sharing your story because I'm able to relate to it where I'm in the same situation where I struggle with autism including a learning disability.Having a disability is hard for me because I have trouble comprehending on learning different advance subjects, sometimes I struggle to communicate my thoughts, and get teased. Another thing that I struggle with a disability is when other people including other adults get judgmental about me being different from them and have struggles to find different methods to improve myself. Also with my disability, I struggle in society including a work place or when I volunteer on trying to do fast pace on different tasks including understanding how to do task efficiently which causes people to get flustered at me. Also with my challenges, I have struggles on maintaining friendships when other people get judgmental about me having a disability or not meeting their expectations. Also I deal where people provoke me or do different forms of harassment for having a disability and want me to react. All I can do is ignore or walk away from them. I like working on doing creative writing, making videos of short gameplay or my thoughts on certain things like trying to understand myself with a disability, volunteering to help people who are poor, watching tv, and exercising. Also I use KZbin videos to help me learn how to cook, watch recaps of tv or movies, and understand a walkthrough to a video game because I struggle to comprehend on reading materials or processing numbers. Also I record my thoughts by speaking to the computer and have it read back to me to help understand my speech or thoughts because I struggle on organizing my thoughts ifI have to socialize. I want to send you good thoughts and positive vibes.

[@JoshHitti]

@@mattwinick7659 Hi Matt - Thanks you for sharing, man. I know it’s extremely hard to be as open as you are about things you’re challenged with. I’m proud of you - just commented on your last video so we can talk a bit more

[@stevekirschman354]

You are an amazing man , your sensitivity is such a gift for all that know you , much love at you , your very special and gifted

[@MannyVegaNieves]

Thank you for being fully real with all of us. That authenticity is one of your greatest virtues, and know this, you have a lot of people that will always stand with you.

[@Gregster3]

I’ve seen your video’s before, I can 100% relate to you. This is good awareness thank you, now I’m wondering about myself “not in a bad way” but I have so much that I can relate to you. You’re not alone my guy. God bless.

[@waynem.7226]

A couple years ago, you brought up this subject and suggested one or two autism tests to consider. A short time after your video, a friend I'd known for several years asked if I had ever thought of myself as being on the spectrum. I never mentioned it to him. So, I went back to your video to take a test. Then, I took another DSM-5 accepted test and then a few more. Your video helped lead me to some unanswered questions. Thanks Josh. Hope you find some answers and solutions too.

[@Cal760]

Josh last few weeks I have been seeing this therapist and she says she is absolutely sure I am on the spectrum. I am in a roller coaster of grief sadness shame angry confusion guilt and happiness relief and peace at the same time. I am in shock to be honest I don’t know how my future will look time or how to share this with people around me. I am afraid the struggles I have will never get better and are just forever. Also mentioned autistic burnout which makes a lot of sense to me at the moment but scares me that I might me always in and out/ there is no easy treatment and that it is so incredible hard to prevent. There are a whole set of expectations to rethink. I honestly think the video wasn’t a mess at all but incredibly well spoken.

[@AustinRoberts88]

It's hard to come to terms with but we're all sending you so much love. I went through the same thing last year... It was a big pill to swallow.

[@AustinRoberts88]

It's honestly something that I still struggle with. I was in a car accident last year and as well as injuring my neck it also exacerbated my autistic issues to the point where I've had to move back in with my parents. In my twenties I owned a restaurant chain and was doing well until I couldn't mask anymore. Now I'm realizing that I've been traumatizing myself for decades and my body has given out... It's uh, it's a lot to come to terms with. I'm glad you're able to find this out, just know that people who matter will just love you more. That I can promise you. And a useful tip, meditating in the morning goes a LONG ways in putting my body in a calm state before starting the day. Much love!

[@angeloivanverarivera1641]

Bro, thanks for talking about this openly and bluntly. I’m sure It helps a lot of folks out there who can use your experience to find answers for their own life.

[@davtra]

Thanks for providing examples about what you find difficult for clarification. I question myself whether I have autism as well. I do exhibit autism-related traits, like not having many friends, not talking much (ever since my childhood), not socializing (I'm a lonewolf/loner). But I believe I have other reasons for these behaviors. Do I have difficultly going through social scenarios? At first, yes because I'm learning but afterwards (with practice) they're effortless. However, just because I have these skills doesn't mean I'll use them. I question the outcomes and the significance of how these skills will improve my life in the long term. In my view, socializing is like a constant cycle, I'm tired of it because socializing provides little benefit and I decide to "sit out". I put my skills to use again if I deem a situation beneficial to me.

[@drdoorzetter]

I also have ASD , diagnosed at 29 and am very happy that we are talking about this more Thank you!!

[@alfredoistic]

I love you brother, cheers from Toronto

[@costernocht]

I've always been a mystery to myself, and envy you the clarity you now have. I'm happy for you, too. I hope you know there's nothing deficient about you, and that you no doubt have compensatory gifts.

[@Phil-l7n3p]

The positive aspect is that you're still young and can move forward with this knowledge. I'm sure your life will be better for having gained this understanding.

[@chnalvr]

You are among friends. Thank you so much for being so open and transparent about this next chapter in your life. I think you are a very courageous person, and I admire you and what you are doing in your commitment to know yourself better. My "thing" was different, but I discovered it in my 30s and worked diligently on it with skilled therapists. That work, sweat and tears was a wonderful investment that paid off BIG TIME in the decades that followed. In my opinion, the 30s are the best time for this type of work because you're likely to be set in a career path, finished with most formal education and have the $ and time to commit to this work. I suspect that this video is going to help many people.

[@Terrell_DeShawn]

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with your journey as a whole up to this point.

[@PurpleConverse2013]

This is wild. I found your videos when you first started posting and deeply resonated with struggling to find and keep friends. Last year I was evaluated and also diagnosed as having ASD.

[@tomb7382]

Be strong! You're an amazing guy and I give you so much credit for being so open. You have so much going for yourself, and are an inspiration to all. God bless you !!!!!

[@WilliamCelandine]

I can relate. you're not alone and you never will be :)

[@michaelromero7357]

Hi Josh, I was a little surprised but as you mentioned, we sterotype. Thank you for your courage and using your platform to help others. All the best.

[@stevekirschman354]

Please please please appreciate you , your wonderful, don’t judge or compare , celebrate you I do

[@robnichols3328]

First off, Josh, there is nothing wrong with you. Also, I hope you know that you are helping so many people with this video. You got this buddy!

[@JamesNYCGuy3]

Sending love your way.

[@RaymondZiviski]

You are definitely very interesting. The spectrum is vast. Continue being you. You clearly enjoy sharing your views. You enjoy the gym. You are orderly and well articulated. Anxiety can be draining, but you CAN retrain your brain. I absolutely love you. You are very cool and I would enjoy chilling with you, talking about your interests and hitting the gym. You rock!!

[@step_down-w2b]

Hi! I commented on your last video that I had a strong hunch you were on the spectrum, so much so that I almost mentioned it when I first discovered your channel. Something about the way you speak, your eyes, your mannerisms, and your ability to convey nuance so immaculately stood out. When these traits reach a certain level of intensity, I tend to recognize others as "one of my own." I mean that self-ironically, of course, as before I even knew what "that autism thingie" was, I often felt like some kind of sub-species of human. Like I was waiting for my home planet to send explanations or instructions. Still sometimes get that feeling, but it is not so suffocating. Anyway, I always find it in bad taste to suggest someone be screened or evaluated if I do not know them personally, so I never would have. And since I’m not even a long-term follower, I’m glad I didn’t have to. That said, I do wonder if the algorithm figured it out before you did and that is why your channel was recommended to me. 😄 A lot of what you shared brought me back to my own childhood. You’re strong for laying it all out like that. I found out about my own diagnosis six years ago, and I’m 33 now, so I understand how this kind of realization can reshape how you see your past. There’s a lot I’d like to ask, but it seems imprudent right now. But I’ll share one thing: if you ever feel like expressing yourself in social situations would “break character” (the version of yourself you’ve built as a compensatory mechanism), then that’s precisely the thing to do. It helps with unmasking. And self-irony goes a long way too, just laugh about stuff. Don’t try to unmask “perfectly”. Rather, just have fun with it as much as you can. The courage to show your imperfections is actually closer to perfection. Also, you have a unique mind that sees and combines things in unconventional ways, and that probably makes for an incredible sense of humor. This is getting long, so just a few more things: your intuition is rarely off. But that usually comes with a lot of anxiety. I’ve come to see anxiety as a signal that something is important, if not for anything else, then definitely for personal growth. And in the long run, we regret far more the things we were too scared to try than the ones we tried and failed at. If anything felt off in what I said, I misjudged the effect of my words. I could keep yapping, but we don’t really know each other, and giving unsolicited advice can seem condescending or like an attempt to shrink your agency. Hopefully, I caught the limit, since this is all still so fresh for you. It’s all upwards from here, dude. I have no one to talk to in real life, and I even surprised myself right now with HOW. LONG. this reply is. 😆 Wind to your sails!

[@nicholasmorales24]

I admire ur vulnerability. I’ve wondered if I’m on the spectrum and I’m 28. I’ve had problem with comprehension ever since I was a kid. Also I get sidetracked very easily. I also get stressed and emotional super quickly. I could use some pointers if u have any. Thanks for ur help man

[@josejauregui930]

Josh, does the diagnosis change anything about you? It may give you answers that have long been on your mind, but you're the same person you always have been. When I was younger in early twenties, I noticed just like you've mentioned in previous posts that I was alone, no friends no contacts or at least no real friends. Actually went to a church that was around people who were not like me, what I mean by that is people who were from the gang, drug dealers, prostitute backgrounds. That was nothing like me, but they were very loving, they would hug me for no reason and many times would not let me go. You are probably feeling very claustrophobic as I said that, or maybe you feel that would be kind of nice. All I can tell you is that human touch for quite a few years and the friendships I made which have lasted till this day bounced me out of being anxiety-ridden. I see you on KZbin I see someone very normal, someone who's thinks things thoroughly. When did that become a disability? There are people like you and I for generations, I'm not trying to deny things are perfect. What I'm saying is you need to get out of your head and get out there and let people love you for yourself. I found that at a church with people who came from unscrupulous backgrounds haha. But they help me see something of value in myself. You're not an area where they focus much on health care you said, well, before you move or do something drastic and keep going to get medical assistance and unreasonable prices from people who in my opinion are not as smart as you. I think you're very bright. Go to church that I described in your neighborhood, I'm not asking you to do anything other than just be there and let people come up to you and embrace you. You're a nice looking guy, you should have no problem with people coming up to you. Good luck to you,!

[@Elphie204]

Very happy for you, but it's a process to adjust. I'm 56 and diagnosed last year.

[@JamieTheSassenachLass]

My oldest son is mild autism. I have bipolar 1, my youngest son has a mental illness as well. Yes, people look at us different and treat us different, compared to the previous time before you get diagnosed with a mental illness. our credibility is not looked at as a serious thing. It feels like people think I am faking my bipolar, it's invisible, but the results after a while match with the diagnosis. No one has come right out and said this to me. My half-sister was totally destructive of me on the day I was diagnosed bipolar. I was terrified, and scared of what will happen to me, and she tells me I am an attention seeker. Don't worry Josh, we all will find out who our true friends are. They are the ones that don't walk away and giving us the side eye. If you find someone that has good unwavering relations to you, KEEP THEM! You are doing great!

[@Arlene_witha_y]

I wish I could receive a proper evaluation. I’ve always had a hard time making and keeping friends. The idea of having to network sounds absolutely dreadful to me. The career i studied for doesn’t really require me to build and maintain relationships. It’s pretty transactional. I’m thankful for it because relating to others isn’t really my forte. I have to research everything and fully understand something before I go into it.

[@ryan6766]

$1600 is crazy 😭

[@JoshHitti]

Right? That was on the lower end as well for Seattle. I’ve heard of people spending upwards of $5k for an official diagnosis/testing 😵

[@BrandonWind-w3t]

hey big josh your going to be ok we got your back bro !

[@Fox99787]

I NEVER clicked so fast man. I really appreciate and admire your ability to be very open, vulnerable & transparent. Love you bro! ❤ Keep spreading your truth and inspire others brother

[@seanintenn4297]

Proud of you.

[@MrRoro_su]

Sending 💜💜💜 your way ✨️

[@Coventry_Kiers_1984]

I knew that from seeing your early videos. I definitely have it too, haven’t had a diagnosis though.

[@cutiepiebb]

God bless you

[@winnmatthews]

I'm very skeptical of this "autism spectrum". I think some people are just deep thinkers and this "diagnosis" is trying to mix them in with true neurological autism disability.

[@JoshHitti]

What specific thing makes you skeptical?

[@winnmatthews]

@JoshHitti I think the supposed "spectrum" blurs things up. Some people may be truly autistic and have a disorder, sure. But people who may just have a different thinking style are unnecessarily being mixed in with the autism label/diagnosis.

[@tazyou11]

I am 57 years old now and was diagnosed with Autism at around age 40, so I know what you are most likely going through because I have probably dealt or am dealing with it now. I might have said at some time before on another video that maybe you could be Autistic. Certainly, when I think of having a hard time making friends and what seemed like social anxiety, I thought of you having Autism. That's a lot like me, so I recognized those signs. Irregardless, I am here for you if you need someone to ask any questions.😊 I also have depression and anxiety, which are fairly common with Autism, as they say co-morbid. There is also ADHD, OCD, Dyslexia, and others that you could have, but apparently, you don't. I follow this KZbinr that has all those I just mentioned with his Autism. Anyway, just know you aren't alone. 🤗

[@stevekirschman354]

You have found yourself and there are nothing but pluses , say high to Emily

[@ChristianK-z5g]

Josh, I'm old enough to be your father. I've been through a lot too, and some things similar to what you're going through. Therapy doesn't work on its own. Ask your Dr. about Lexapro. It's not addictive and it helps me on many levels. I hope you find the prace you're searching for and deserve. I wish you the best.

[@liambraithewaite6415]

I guess you now have some answers. I hope this gives you some clarity

[@joncooksey1]

Dude. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 depression. So now I take meds for it along with having a therapist. Life goes on.........

[@ninjamaster3453]

I'm happy to hear you're getting help for this. Could this damage your marriage or lose your employment by publicly admitting this?

[@zhonzhonzhon]

I think you are special person... not like other "normal" mean people.

[@jmusmc85]

It's ok boo boo. Me too.

[@drazenmiskovic4952]

I don't think you have it at all, at all. There's so much confusion last few years and labeling everyone everything these days just to make money on desperate people, we're ALL probably on that spectrum if we'd go by diagnosis of today's medicine. So let me guess, the solution is a patient for life? Eternal therapy and meds? Happy government, health insurance and pharmaceutical mafia.

[@JoshHitti]

I disagree. The efficacy of testing has improved significantly and people are actually under diagnosed according to the data No meds necessary, you don’t medicate autism.

[@drazenmiskovic4952]

@@JoshHitti I'm pretty sure a lot of people are undiagnosed, that I agree 110%. I see it daily, I see so many people left on their own to suffer with really serious mental problems that are classified as part of their quirky personality or just ignored as its normal, very sad. A lot of that is work related, victims of their profession, environment, early life etc. But those things are serious, obvious things. With you my friend it's nothing much to worry about, there's nothing wrong with preparing yourself for something, even basic as a conversation. Or being a perfectionist or liking order of your things or how you do your things. Everyone is different in that way, some people care more then others about certain things and vice versa. I know it's not easy at all changing old habits, rituals, but if it doesn't bother you, shouldn't bother others. What you need to try focusing on is simplifying things, not overprocess, not overthink, limt time dwelling on things, overthinking. Give yourself more, how to put it, space, freedom of relaxing and feeling the need that you need to hold all the strings, that you're in control of everything to be perfect, go perfect, well, alright, that you can save, fix, keep afloat everything etc. You understand what I mean, let others take the weight/responsibility, worry a bit, balance it. What's meant to be, it's meant to be, with or without us. You seme like a really decent and good guy, wish you all the best, don't stress please and the time on this planet dedicate more to breathing, living in the moment, not in the past, not too much in the future, live in this time, in now! ❤️

[@jeremywilliams1664]

Hi Josh! Thank you for the video and being vulnerable. Receiving an adult autism diagnosis is certainly life changing! I remember when I was diagnosed as AuDHD with depression and anxiety twice, once last year and a few years prior. I didn't know what to make of it the first time but I am glad I know now and am living life a bit differently today. Here is a video from a late diagnosed dude named Trevor Carroll about what he wished he knew when he was first late diagnosed as autistic that I found very helpful! kzbin.info/www/bejne/bKfVYpmJlqxgh6M

[@Fox99787]

I NEVER clicked so fast man. I really appreciate and admire your ability to be very open, vulnerable & transparent. Love you bro! ❤ Keep spreading your truth and inspire others brother

[@jeremywilliams1664]

Oh yeah, some other great autistic KZbinrs are: AutisticAF, Autism from the Inside, Chris and Debby, I'm Autistic, now what?, Yo Samdy Sam, I am Mindblind, and The Thought Spot.

[@jeremywilliams1664]

The Square Pegs Autistic Adult Meetup Group based in Seattle is great if you are seeking community of other adult autistics that span the spectrum!

[@Av-vd3wk]

So what? Everyone has everything. We’re all Living/Thriving/Suffering at the same time. Just accept everything hard that comes your way and choose the best path forward and LIVE. Here’s a hard one… what if next week you’re diagnosed with end-stage cancer and given 6 months to live? I can tell you what would happen, you would t give a SH*T about any of this other stuff you’re hung up on. Picture yourself on your deathbed with 5 minutes of a beating heart left. And ask, “what should I have focused on the most?”

[@mike90317]

Good to see you Josh 👊🏼(⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

[@JoshHitti]

You too, Mike!

[@mike90317]

@@JoshHitti I'm glad you found answers and resources, knowledge is power. We're here for you.

[@stevekirschman354]

I feel more love for you

[@Bensaur]

I was with you all the way until you said 'go chiefs' -- that's where I draw the line!!! I like how you spoke about your ability to access a professional. It's a sad truth that we live in a world where there are so many undiagnosed neurodivergent people who are trying to navigate a society designed for neurotypical people. One of the first things the new administration did was eliminate opportunities for marginalized groups, including neurodivergent people. At the same time, don't let the "disorder" in ASD fool you. Use your special frame-of-mind as a superpower. You see the world differently than we all do. So, show us.

[@KaBooMx]

What kind of quirks do you have?

[@KennethFairchild-h4s]

i dont hang out with a bunch of people.

[@HA-yt4eu]

I've been following you for years and personally don't think you have the diagnosis. I never heard of you actually doing the things that would make it easy to make friends. Joining bumble for ex is not a good way to make friends. To make friends you have to join social groups (salsa, improv, language class, etc), go regularly, talk to people before and after the group, and then meet them outside of the group. I just feel like you (like so many other people) do not know how to make friends which is fine, but it doesn't mean you're autistic

[@JoshHitti]

Thank you for the support! However, a handful of short form videos don’t allow you to be inside my brain, nor does it give you enough insight into decades of issues I’ve had. The friends piece is one minor part of it, I would suggest watching a few videos to help educate yourself ❤

[@coreywold669]

Was into this video until you said go chiefs lol but then again I don’t like the eagles either.

[@zelowatch30]

I personally don't like the term and think its an insult to call anyone autistic.

[@JoshHitti]

I disagree, it’s not an insult to say someone has a diagnosis. Do you think bipolar exists? Or schizophrenia?

[@zelowatch30]

@JoshHitti Yes, but people have a superiority complex against those with disabilities.