4 Tips To Boost Your Confidence!

Meeting people online can be difficult, and if we aren’t putting our authentic selves out there, the chances of making a real connection are low. My first tip is to find (or focus) on our strengths, in DBT we call this building mastery and we do this by figuring out what it is we are good at. Next up, and if you have been watching me for a long time you knew this was coming, recognize and stop that negative self talk. Whether we realize it or not, we are having a constant conversation with ourselves about our world and how we are doing in it. We can get out of bed and immediately judge how tired we are, how our body feels, or the fact that we slept in. We can brush our teeth and without muttering a word out loud, shit talk our appearance and the state of our home. We can say hundreds of nasty things to ourselves before we have even had our coffee.Today’s video is created in partnership with Tinder as part of the put yourself out there challenge. Tinder is hosting a contest to award $10,000 to 100 people willing to put themselves out there by writing their most authentic profile on Tinder! Just tag @tinder and use the hashtag #PYOTChallenge to enter, Must be 18+ & a resident of the U.S. or Canada (except Quebec). Ends 12/31/20. See Official Rules at tinder.com/c/pyot.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
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[@kylejordan7454]

Damn, I wish you were my therapist. You explain these concepts so clearly and really leave me feeling like its ok that I have my issues and they/I can get better, Thank you!

[@Katimorton]

Awe thanks :) I am so glad the videos and information is helpful and clear :) xoxo

[@_just_TK]

I used to send Kati’s videos to me therapist when I had trouble expressing myself & we’d discuss them in session!

[@rockylover2]

I have felt the same way. I'm not very comfortable with strangers specifically with therapy. For some reason I feel very connected and safe with Kati yet I have never spoken or met her. Must be her charm and likeability

[@miss_aery]

Never used Tinder myself, but from what I've heard, it's probably the last place I would look for true connections and healthy relationships.

[@leaj8610]

I actually made new friends via tinder and had a 1 one year relationship (the best I had actually) thanks to tinder. I had my fair share of crappy dates for sure but it's ok in comparison of the other people I've met.

[@avaprod.8622]

of course but she’s only promoting the app, that’s only why she would ever mention it

[@naarac.5046]

Not really

[@miss_aery]

@@naarac.5046 how? im explicitly stating that these are my thoughts and feelings, i don't deny that other people may have other experiences

[@SeerOfTime577]

“We don’t have to be sure of a more positive perception, we just have to be open to the possibility of a different one.” Wow. That line hits HARD.

[@reallifepsych3309]

youtube algorithms are starting to get a little too specific haha

[@Katimorton]

hahah!! Well I hope it was at least a bit helpful :) xoxo

[@reallifepsych3309]

@@Katimorton of course! your videos are always so helpful!

[@muzerhythm2242]

Same! Makes me wonder....🤔😲

[@milenaciaramella3524]

When I read the title I said ok it’s time to listen, someone is talking about me 😂

[@MeditatewithAbhi]

:)

[@Katimorton]

I hope it was helpful!! xoxo

[@midnamars]

Same haha 😂

[@misscyanic2484]

Glad this is here, I really need advice on this rn. But Tinder? Nah.

[@LazyIRanch]

Right? I was under the impression that Tinder is a meat-market for hook-ups. Not what this 60 year old post-menopausal chick needs!

[@kennyjohnson2962]

exactly. nothing says protecting my mental like tinder! haha, i think not

[@Katimorton]

I hope the tips are helpful :) xoxo

[@bjsmith1393]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I don't really like Tinder either, but it isn't successful because it's a horrible company. It's successful because people resonate with what Tinder offers. The problem is that people often use Tinder in an awful way or fall prey to marketing. If we want to improve the world around dating (or anything bad for that matter), we have to help people learn better dating options and improve people's ability to make educated and healthy decisions. Which is exactly what Kati is doing. People can choose to use Tinder in healthy ways or give up using it altogether if they feel it doesn't work for them. There are plenty of ways to get into the dating pool in a way that supports what someone is looking for.

[@RosheenQuynh]

@@bjsmith1393 👏

[@jiaswan22]

Content of this video is excellent. Sponsorship of being your real self by Tinder??? Hilarious!

[@Katimorton]

Glad you found it helpful :) I think Tinder is just trying to change the way people think of them? Not sure.. xoxo

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

👍I followed my heart. I believe in myself. I live by high standards. I treat others the way I want to be treated. I understand how precious time is

[@serenity9459]

As a teenager I pretended I liked a bunch of stuff in order to attract friends and really thought that interests = a personality. I was desperate for friends but it made the relashionships stressful when I could have just... been enjoying things I actually enjoyed and being myself. I should have been working on who I was as a person instead of what I "liked". If someone only likes you for your interests but not YOU it makes the relationship so surface level anyway. This was such a hard lesson to learn because I lost friends who were good people cause I didn't know who I was in the first place, I wasn't ever able to connect with them authentically. Being vulnerable is hard but it's so worth it!

[@luvasaur]

You’re doing so well! It’s hard to know what’s the right way of doing things but you learn and I’m glad you’re learning to embrace yourself more and more friends who align with the authentic you will come your way for sure, in the meantime enjoy discovering yourself ❤️

[@saradahl5412]

Tinder.....?? Really, I see it more as a let's hook up once and never meet again

[@MichelleLoveMercy]

Exactly. Not the healthiest thing to promote for mental health and wellbeing.

[@SusieQ78]

"Stop That Thought!!!!" Pushing through here. That #2 is getting me something hard right now. Thanks for the encouragement Kati.

[@SusieQ78]

And #3, oh my.

[@nikkimckay860]

S.m hello see you in the comments and now sending you a comment you always write nice comments and interesting how are you doing hope your well

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! I hope it helps :) xoxo

[@roseholiday1997]

Im going to try the 'not being judgemental' thing and try to find positives !

[@dizzytel]

Holy smokes, I was just thinking how I need to work on self talk and then youtube notifies me of this 😳

[@hinafatima978]

Same here. I am astonished😂😂

[@Katimorton]

It's like YT was reading your mind!! :0 I hope it was helpful!!! xoxo

[@pjw8653]

My therapist and I have been working towards this goal for two years now! I'm getting there (slowly but steadily), and I'm meeting her today! This video was a great way to start the day

[@sarahgardner8856]

Best mac and cheese recipe You will need: 1/4 cup butter 1/4 cup flower 2 cups milk 3 cups grated marble cheddar cheese, or any other cheese(s) of your choice Pasta (to feed about 5? I always eyeball it so don't have a measurement) - put water on to boil, start follow the rest of the steps adding the pasta to the water when it's boiling - in a saucepan on medium heat melt the butter - add flower and stir until consistent (you may prefer to use a whisk) - slowly add milk, make sure milk and flour/butter mixture are combined before adding more milk. It won't look like it's going to combine it first, but it will! :) - wait for it to start bubbling, this will take about 5 minutes. Stir occasionally - add grated cheese and stir in (the pasta should be done around this time if it hasn't finished cooking already) - stir the pasta and cheese sauce together and TADA! Home made mac and cheese I love this recipe because it's very customizable. Want to put bread crumbs on it after and bake it in the oven? Go for it! Want to change up the types of cheeses? You can do that too. I like to add black pepper in while I'm cooking. This recipe might sound harder than it is written out but it's super simple and definitely worth a try

[@kanadakanada151]

Pulling your mind from automatic negative judment" Switch to positive Compliments, I start with you to challenge myself! You have beautiful mind and soul!

[@21minute]

What a councidence. I just finished stargazing. And during that time, I actually felt content with myself and where I am now. My worries faded for a brirf moment.

[@tooba1819]

Really needed to hear this after feeling like I failed an exam today.

[@_just_TK]

❤️

[@andrewmanford]

The exam failed you! Chin up buttercup👍

[@leannereilly]

I’m trying to get better at talking to myself with more positive words. It’s nice to be reminded that I’m not the only one. Your videos always make me feel better Katie ❤️

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad :) xoxo

[@anjithaa4521]

I wait for your soothing voice every week .💖

[@lisajohnson6351]

You are always such a smart and comforting voice. I’m so glad you are sharing yourself with us!

[@coreys2686]

I swear you're reading my mind. This is the second or third video this month that was something I needed to hear.

[@MeditatewithAbhi]

Great video on Self Empowerment ! Thanks for bring awareness on the need to build a more authentic connection.

[@nikkimckay860]

I try to feel good or better about myself each day best I can I think we all do take care everyone

[@miwa297]

this vid came on the right time. thank you, Kati💗!

[@spennny1000]

I've always struggled with self confidence as I have a stutter, I'm determined to improved my confidence 2021

[@GoldenMushroom64]

Lol how’s that going for you

[@AskDr78]

Tinder!? That site is a hive for predators & narcissists 🤣🤦‍♂️

[@Katimorton]

I had no idea!! Being 37 and married makes me a bit out of date on online dating sites. I hope some of the tips and tools i offered were still helpful :) xoxo

[@jessiewrites4753]

Kati Morton seriously? I’m not much younger then you. We all know that Tinder is filled with predators

[@Jigglypowerpuffgirl]

Ok that’s a little dramatic. I’d argue that there are more normal people on dating apps than not

[@jessiewrites4753]

Julia Catherine I would agree to that statement when speaking of dating apps in general. Looking back at my comment I can only speak from my own experience. I have personally come across a lot of men on Tinder that have made sexists comments to me and I felt like I was in a meat market to be honest. But I can only speak to my own experience

[@AskDr78]

@@Jigglypowerpuffgirl LOL 🤦‍♂️🤦🤦‍♀️

[@RedLP5000S]

I haven't dated in over fifteen years. 45 and single. Depression sucks.

[@admirbarucija2018]

Feeling better about myself is something I definitely need to work on!! ❤️

[@nikkimckay860]

Admir Barucija. Hello how are you doing how are you coping with your mental health I hope things are not to bad for you I always like your comment s and most of the time can understand and relate to what you write take care

[@admirbarucija2018]

@@nikkimckay860 I’m doing good! How are you?

[@Katimorton]

I think we all do :) I hope the video was helpful!! xoxo

[@admirbarucija2018]

@@Katimorton It was!! Thank you so much! :)

[@art.junk13]

Katie, you have a beautiful perspective on the world. Thank you for sharing this with us I already feel better and along with so many others

[@AKIRA0.3]

waching u all the time for a many time since long gone, you really explain things i allready know but then recodnize that other people also know. thanks for me not feeling so alone. its so easy to asume yout rhe only one in this. cheers darling, thanks a lot

[@jankaj.8156]

Well shit, I need this today 😂 thanks, Kati ❤️

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo

[@d.nakamura9579]

#3: So true! Outer critic affects the inner critic.

[@shannon150]

Brilliant video! So grateful you’re on KZbin and that you’re so real!❤️

[@Stephaniemickle]

10 days before Christmas after the craziest year ever... thank you for speaking directly to my soul lol

[@patonmarcantel4872]

You are doing a great service by spreading this information on psychology, especially this past year. Thank you for all that you do to educate and help those in need of resources❤

[@snowy_lillop]

Hey I have a question: Why does talking about a certain topic that reminds me of past trauma make me so nervous? It's normal to get nervous with this, but I get to the point where I can't stop crying. I'm sorry if this is a stupid question lol but I'm really confused, so could you help?

[@natalieedelstein]

When I clarified what I want in my dating profiles despite the fact that they are considered undesirable preferences to men according to popular stereotypes of what most men overwhelmingly want in dating, I began to get more matches and meaningful ones and I bypassed matching with people who want things that I firmly don't. Also, when I was in massive shoulder immobilizers when recovering from shoulder surgeries, many people would say things like first impressions are important and I should just wait until I didn't need those devices in a couple months, but I kept going on dates and putting myself out there. I did inform dates that I would be showing up in them because I didn't want to surprise them since none of my pictures showed massive slings, but I felt that if they didn't want a second date just because of a disability, they weren't really in it for the long run and I'd more quickly be able to weed out those people. Honestly, the truth of the matter was that I did get second dates and third and fourth, etc. I'm grateful I didn't let it stop me from being confident in who I was or whether I was attractive or a valuable partner during those 12 weeks. Also, thank you for incorporating building mastery into this video. That is my absolute favorite DBT skill and the one that is most effective for me!

[@CassieWinter]

Love #4. Accommodating my limitations has made such a HUGE difference for me.

[@lorcanmcnamara2985]

Thank you so much Kati I really needed this. Just had a neglected cry

[@bbike2168]

Your videos are soo helpful and important! Thank you for making them!❤️

[@dayanebarbosa7154]

This video was all that i needed today! I'm grateful for finding your channel. It has really helped me during this challenging time of the pandemic and others issues too. Thank you for your work.

[@_just_TK]

Just started the online dating thing on Bumble (sorry Tinder) It’s actually been a really great experience! As someone w/ high functioning ASD, being able to express my emotions through emoticons & gifs make it soooo much easier to connect!

[@nikkimckay860]

T.k hello 🖐how have you been doing how are you coping with everything and with your health I'm glad I seen your name in the comments I want to thank you for recommending the 7cups health website to me didn't know about it or used it before I have recently been useing 7cups website and it's a good health website for Mental health problems and good to be able to talk and share things with people that understand I was wondering do u use the website is be nice to connect with you there let me know also your comments are always interesting and helpful and sometimes I can relate to them as always kati always brings good and important information for us all no matter what shes always of help to us no matter what we suffer from take care T.k 🙂

[@Katimorton]

I didn't even think of that!! But I am so glad it's made dating and expressing yourself a bit easier!! Yay!! xoxo

[@hinafatima978]

Much needed. Thankyou so much kati❤❤ i was thinking about it today.

[@katiswan3160]

Thank you ❤️ Kati for creating this wonderful video ❤️ and giving me some tools to use ❤️ to change my life.

[@melissahatfield2475]

I look forward to your videos every week thank you Kati

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad!! I hope this one was helpful :) xoxo

[@maram0796]

This helps out a lot! Thank you Dr. Kati.

[@riyapotter]

I felt called out with that last example 😂 I have that pattern of trying to be someone I think others want me to be 🙈

[@lynntfuzz]

You have no idea how much I needed this today.

[@kennyjohnson2962]

nothing says protecting my mental like tinder!! haha, i think not

[@Llight-qg9tc]

Thanks Kati, this is a great vid. Really needed. 💜💕 Happy Christmas to you!

[@katieelspeth2299]

I liked that last point about not faking interests--I think a lot of us were told when we were little "Just be yourself!" with no explanation of what that meant or how to do it. Once I finally understood that it meant "don't pretend to be someone you're not or hide parts of yourself so people will like that person better", I became much more successful in my relationships.

[@kirstenvalentine776]

Thank you for this video. ❤️Appreciate it

[@Katimorton]

Of course! So glad it was helpful :) xoxo

[@annemarieslegers2356]

Definately need this! Thanks Kati 🥰

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! So glad it was helpful :) xoxo

[@alisonprendiville5484]

Another fab video, since watching your channel I have made such progress with my therapist as you have given me the confidence to share things which are really uncomfortable. The reaction from my therapist was just like you said and nothing like I was expecting. xxx

[@jaleelshivers226]

I was watching tv and I saw you on a KZbin commercial!! 😆I remember watching some of your videos in the past, so I came to check you out again. I’m so happy for you!!

[@DeltaBOTT]

Thanks sister.

[@psychologicalawareness3672]

💐💐💐❤️❤️❤️ thank you I always wait for your videos you are amazing 🤩

[@PetrKL21]

Now Katie. Just how exactly do I implement all of this while getting no matches?

[@heresthethingyouguys]

Love the content but, tinder? Come on now!

[@Ayesha______]

1. Kati you look beautiful today! 2. I love the help you provide to so many people wow that really did feel good :3

[@annalubbers1366]

Kati Morton you’re passion for education is helpful, valued, and expertly expressed. I love watching your videos:)

[@Katimorton]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the videos :) :)

[@harisankar2688]

Great video Kati. Another good way to be content, proud and happy about yourself is to work on serious hobbies like starting to learn an instrument or trying to explore your own creative side. Working hard on them makes you feel more confident with skills as well as give you a great sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. This is compounded when other people also appreciate your effort and skill. Keep rocking everyone!

[@espanop]

Amazing video! Thank you I really love what you do!

[@gracetanner4132]

Kati I’m always so grateful for your videos Question: where can I get the meditating frog???

[@Katimorton]

West Elm or maybe Pier 1 Imports? I forget... It's been with me for a long time :)

[@janetslater129]

Tinder? 😳 Seriously?

[@midnamars]

Thank you so much for making this video 🙏 😊

[@luciaf1995]

Thank you so much for this 🤍

[@Caroline-gn2sj]

Thank you for these videos xx

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome!

[@mgordon1964]

Thanks for this Kati!

[@casieharris7684]

this is honestly some of the most solid advice on this topic 👏

[@wildmila672]

This helped me a lot, Thanks Kati :D

[@Katimorton]

Glad it helped!

[@justaguyfromglasgow2251]

Meditation and present moment awareness throughout the day completely changed everything about me. It helped me step out of the overthinking mind/ego and connected me more into the present moment. Also exercise which is an obvious one but practicing presence and mindfulness as much as possible was the best for me personally. A book I read by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now inspired me to make videos on here to help others. :)

[@anicamiller5718]

Great tips for me to keep in mine as I get ready for a job interview tomorrow

[@lui5gif]

This is really well explained and also terrifying how much it looks like this is my actual therapist talking to me. The pains of remote sessions, I guess. Can't wait for the follow up on dealing with the feelings of having zero matches on Tinder 🙂

[@grahameanderson6913]

Hi Katie, I enjoyed listening to this and got a lot from it, thank you.

[@katianalytic215]

I love your sweater :) so much!

[@g8terbyte]

Not on Tinder, in a happy and healthy relationship however I agree with the points you’ve made about building self confidence.

[@Blessedup69]

Thank you for these videos

[@stoffls]

4 easy steps, yet sometimes so hard to do. But I will keep on trying over and over again. I like especially the "spread positivity" message, because I think this is really so important in this world today. Focus on the positive and spread it and it will come back to you.

[@niyugrey]

Thanks Kati as always 🥰❤️

[@Katimorton]

You're welcome Niyusha! 🙌

[@faeriesmak]

This was almost ok until you kept telling people to put things in their Tinder profile. It really took away from the positive message.

[@RJ_Ehlert]

Donate to her Patreon.

[@Mollyjayn]

yeah, right, wtf?

[@ThaMobstarr]

I mean it was sponsored by Tinder, so she had to tell something in regards to Tinder.

[@jimb9792]

Thanks for this video!

[@muhammadnawaz1512]

Great video

[@Nozomiko]

I really enjoy your videos! I find a learn, and discover a lot about myself by watching them. =3 Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us!

[@bhavyakjain]

My key strength: I am extremely good, nay I'm the best, at screwing up and messing up everything good in my life.

[@Ventus2077]

Hello Kati, thank you so much for your videos, as a medical student I’ve been benefitting so much from these information regarding different psychiatric conditions. Is it possible to make a video specifically for Rett Syndrome, Conversion and Somatization Syndromes? And thank you!

[@itsalliX0]

This is a great video! Love that color sweater!

[@BluePenguin835]

Kati, I love your channel. I remember when you had 4k followers and thinking to myself, “this is great, I can’t believe her channel isn’t more popular”. 🙂 The odds of a woman swiping right on a man on Tinder are less than 1% (look it up). The sheer level of rejection is a self-esteem destroyer. That being said, thank you for helping me from afar for many years. 🙂

[@MyBoredPhotography]

KZbin is definitely putting me on the spot today 😅😅😅

[@MsMCjuh]

"Negativity spreads like a virus." Yeah we all know how that'd end...

[@abbydixon362]

Love this video; I needed this :)

[@hugehand852]

hi, (perhaps not the best place to ask it) but how do you do that when everything is falling apart, and above all you are in the middle of a pandemic?

[@Change4Life579]

Great tips thanks 👍

[@simplyyerika]

Tips for feeling good about yourself mentioned in the video: focus on your strengths, recognize negative self-talk, put positivity out into the world and accept your limitations with courage.

[@court1632]

Thank you this is brilliant tha k you.

[@cooldude12134]

You're like a supportive mom, and I mean this in a good way :)

[@Mindseas]

Thank you Kati for this thought provoker of a video! I really appreciate what you do here, and have followed your for a good year and then some. I've found that for me, your videos and the questions within have been just the right thing to support my well-being in between therapy sessions. I've learned a lot of important things about my own tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses - not knowing what those are makes it really difficult to grow as a person, through your videos and I wanted to express my gratitude for that. It seems as though a lot of people on here comments are relying on third party information regarding the state of Tinder. Now I am aware there are significant differences between different parts of the world with regards to how dating apps get used, and definitely do not claim to be an expert in this knowledge. But, regardless. I would urge you to perhaps look at why you think that Tinder is bad and the people on there equally so, and maybe you'll realize that your own presumptions might be getting in the way of your own happiness by preventing you from even trying something for yourself. Another thing I would think about is, why is it bad if people want to hook-up, or what ever they want that maybe different to what you might be looking at, why is it a threat to you? A lot of people we know want different things than we do, at work, our friends and family etc., but that doesn't mean there aren't also people with similar interests, goals and dreams as us, it's just a matter of being patient and finding those people. It takes a lot of effort and self awareness to find the right person, and I'm going to go on a limb here and ask whether that may be the real reason for resisting trying a dating app/service, than the statement that site x or y is full of jerks or whatever. Like anything meaningful, it takes work and energy to find the right person for you, and it's important to recognize whether or not we are ready for that. Or how much we are willing or able to put effort into achieving that goal at any time in our lives. There is no shame in realizing I don't have the energy it takes, or it seem like too much work. That's great if you can recognize that in yourself! Try to keep an open mind about your own feelings, and listen to what feels right for you. There is no shame in saying out loud what you want, and if someone reacts negatively to your desires, that's great; now you know they arent the right person. Trust yourself, be yourself, be open and honest and you will find what you are looking for. No online dating service is perfect, nor are any of us, but with a positive mindset, knowing what it is we desire and value, in ourselves and in others, you are already well on your way. Yes, some people might be annoying or what ever, but equally to how not everyone on here is a thoughtless inconsiderate jerk, the same applies to dating sites. Be kind and gentle go yourself, stay safe, and remember you are not alone. And no, I have nothing what so ever to do with Tinder.

[@ZBooneBeats]

Great job!

[@similenotsmile4983]

Hey, Kati. Is it normal to act like a completely different person around different people (and sort of mimic their behaviour/ personality) to the point where you think you have no personality of you own? (Asking for a friend 🙃)

[@_just_TK]

A LOT of people do that