4 Ways to Win The Toddler Battle Every Time

[@karendarel6281]

It's been 28 years since I've had a baby or toddler. I am so thankful for you helping me with my Grandkids. Your help is invaluable.

[@EmmaHubbard]

It's my pleasure! They're lucky to have such a caring grandparent!

[@denisaauxtova4900]

We usually let her brush her teeth by herself first and then it is mum or dad’s turn. We turn it into a sort of a game - she opens wide and we look for whatever food she’s been eating all day “Oh I see some cucumber over here..and crackers here..and here is some rice..I found apple” and so on. It seems to work. Good luck everyone 😊

[@frozenpixie8801]

That's a good tip. I can see my toddler enjoying that and hopefully opening wide instead of clamping shut!

[@denisaauxtova4900]

@@frozenpixie8801fingers crossed 😉….sometimes it helps to let the kids brush their dolly’s or plushie’s “teeth” first so then they can brush theirs after

[@EmmaHubbard]

Love this!

[@Chuma.N]

Will try this😊

[@britt383348]

We do this too! It’s the only way to somewhat get to her teeth. I’ve tried modeling and all it turns in to is her crying and wanting my toothbrush that’s in my mouth because she must have everything I have even if she has an exact copy of my item. So modeling doesn’t work too well in this house unfortunately

[@kellieL89]

I just want to say thank you. Your videos have saved my sanity many times and I really appreciate the lack of shaming. Mom life is hard and I feel your intent is to offer tools and not judgement and that is so refreshing

[@calleykitty]

When - Then statements work best with my toddler. 'When you put your pajamas on then we will read a book together.' The word 'WHEN' seems to be key to her taking action.

[@mommybreakdown]

I really appreciate how you encourage parents to use a variety of tools. It’s not one size fits all ❤️. Cheering all of the parents of young kiddos on 🎉🎉

[@EmmaHubbard]

❤️

[@angelapostenabee8607]

The timing of this is just impeccable. We hit the teeth brushing independence a couple weeks back and have tried a couple different things but this may change the game again.

[@lawag7957]

I completely forgot the first/then strategy! Thank you for this video. Some days I find letting my toddler brush my teeth after I brush theirs is a good motivator. And sometimes singing silly songs works too.

[@limiwa]

Love it. I need to do this more often. I use this strategy for naps. I'll say, "It's nap time ... Let's go read some books!" My son willingly goes up the stairs to his room that way. Once he's read a couple books with me, and settled down, he's more ready to lay down.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks so much for sharing!

[@Izanuela22]

We clearly have different toddlers… 😂 when there is time to brush teeth or get changed my child would refuse even the most fun activities just not to have to get her teeth brushed… the only thing that works for us is calmly explain that there is no opting out of it no matter what but that a hand puppet or plush animal of her choice can brush her teeth or change her clothes… It certainly is a bit more difficult for us but thanks to elephant, mouse, hedgehog etc. her teeth are more or less clean and she is dressed (most of the time)…

[@sunshineyellow5762]

😂

[@dothedo3667]

Yeah, first/then never work here unless it's just a little wait for something.

[@Uchihasocksy]

I love the honesty of this comment 😊

[@Vgallo]

lol all you guys have it sooo easy, try having a non verbal level 3 autistic sensory seeker, the fact you guys can communicate and your child understands cause and effect, would make parenting soooooo easy, all you gotta do is use your brain and take the time to understand yoir child, which is what you should be doing anyway/ It’s so frustrating hearing you guys thinking you have it hard cuz 1 simple strategy doesn’t work, we can’t teach our child anything because we are not experts in the field of autism, even the experts who get paid to understand autism struggle with our son, it’s taken 5 years to teach him to brush his teeth and thays only after taking him to a dental hospital to get caps and fillings put on most of his teeth because most disabled children like my son, can’t engage in good dental hygiene and we can’t even take him to a normal dentist, literally every aspect of parenting is a million times harder and I just see neurotypical parents constantly complain when their lives are so easy by comparison. Sorry for the venting, but I truly hope this might contribute to appreciating your child and what you have even just a bit more.

[@Izanuela22]

@@Vgallo everytime someone explains that they have a problem, someone else comes along and exclaims that they have an even bigger problem…which isn’t helpful for anyone… Yes, I understand that your situation is special, and especially exhausting and especially hard. But that does not negate the problems other parents have to face. Being a parent can always be difficult, exhausting and challenging, no matter the health of child or parents.

[@nataliamirochnitchenko8152]

youre such a sweetheart. you really love your daughter. you seem like an amazing mom.

[@jesseast84]

This is perfect timing! My little one turns 2 Saturday and he’s been fighting me hard about getting dressed and diaper changes! Will definitely be trying these tips! Thanks so much for sharing! ❤️❤️

[@EmmaHubbard]

You are so welcome!

[@mrsamirza4392]

@@jesseast84 mine turn 2 26th August the video came right in time to deal with the tantrums

[@jessis9598]

My daughter turns 2 on Saturday as well! She also fights being changed. Some days it's a struggle so these tips definitely help.

[@tiaseeley7644]

These strategies work, and I have been trained to use them when dealing with behavior with elementary aged kids. I came up with a trick to help my Toddler actually transitioning to stop biting her toothbrush at the end of the process. I bring her stuffed Grinch out that she loves to "steal" her toothbrush from her. Then he's kind and offers her a "teething tube" instead for her to bite on. She loves it and it works everytime! 😂

[@allisonb3451]

So cute! 😂

[@monikab3413]

I've been following your channel for a couple of years now. Your videos are so educational, concise and on point, thank you for all of this resource! 👏🏻

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks so much ❤️

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks for watching! Did you know any of these strategies already? Don't forget to get the guide - 8 Parenting Phrases to Rethink & What to Say Instead: brightestbeginning.com/bb_optin/8-common-parenting-phrases-to-rethink/?lead_source=youtube_192

[@beepbeepmeepmeep]

Eldest child is sensory avoidant, hated it and took a long time to get it happening. Second kid cries if he is ‘left out’ of a tooth brushing event. 😅

[@frozenpixie8801]

I feel like I am doing all of these things and still struggling. My husband often does better because he is more playful and good at making the boring stuff fun. This video reassures me that I am on the right track though. Many thanks.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Parenting is hard. I am sure you are doing a great job!❤️

[@kristinfoster7018]

Thank you thank you thank you! Perfect timing for me as well! Little one is 17 months old and she is SO independent

[@EmmaHubbard]

No worries at all. Hopefully this gives you some additional strategies to try with your little one!

[@squall513]

I've unknowingly been doing this quite often! Things like "let's get our jammies on, feed the kitties, and then we can go look at pictures"

[@EmmaHubbard]

Fantastic!

[@madisongillam3203]

My sons love being gross. When I floss their teeth or get a booger out of their nose or wipe their bums, I show them the "yucky" I got off/out of them and they love it. When I brush their teeth, I go through everything they ate that day and pretend like I'm finding bits of it in their teeth. They think it's hilarious when I am extra grossed out.

[@Starfish987]

This is great 😂

[@tankgrl1980]

Omg I'm assigning your videos to students both BCBA and OT students! Thank for naming the principle!

[@bianka4001]

For us this only works sometimes. Our toddler is quite headstrong and she can fight you to the end, not giving in, no matter what. It's the same with timers, they don't always work and they never work on her absolute favorite activity: anything with water. Then of course as it is with toddlers, not every day is the same, so many things contribute to their mood after all. But good tip for any parent not yet trying this approach.

[@Chuma.N]

Very true

[@EmmaHubbard]

Toddlers are unpredictable. What works one day might not work the next. Which is why it's important to have a variety of strategies to use.

[@Antyweszka]

Right before vacation with our 2 y.o!😍 Thank you❤️

[@EmmaHubbard]

No worries! I hope you have a great vacation!

[@origamikiddo2625]

Taking notes for my older kid and school work.....and me.....

[@MarkRuvald]

Amazing content, clearly presented. Love it.

[@EmmaHubbard]

So glad you loved it!

[@nana20172]

I wish any of these would work on my daughter 😢 in the last few months she became extremely defiant. Bedtime, naptime, nappy change, brushing teeth etc have become a dread in my house. I try to offer her choices and fun stuff to motivate her but she just screams her head off just so she covers me when I speak so won't even attempt to listen 😅 It takes me 2 hours to finally put her to bed every single day for both bedtime and naptime even though she's clearly tired. She'd do anything to get out of doing something just because we told her to do it. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong and I tried every approach 😢 Please pray for my sanity as it's slowly drifting away 😂

[@Nenye-Faith]

Pray about it, she will change Then check whether or ur husband did that being a toddler

[@nana20172]

@@Nenye-Faith as far as I know neither of us were this bad as toddlers Then again we would've probably had our asses handed to us if we did this to our parents 😂

[@nancy9478]

She may have sensory issues, mine did and while bedtime was not an issue, she would totally melt down in loud places, and refused to go in smelly public places like restrooms. Hunger was an instant meltdown. My son had meltdowns until 2nd grade when we discovered it was his diet. Removing all artificial colors, flavors and preservatives (Feingold diet) fixed the problem. It is often in hindsight that we figure these things out. Hopefully you can sort things out.

[@nana20172]

@@nancy9478 Thank you, the dentist gave us a good idea to make her more compliant with brushing her teeth 😊 we're still working on the rest she seems to have some good days every now and then She's very well behaved in public places just at home she acts like a monkey 😂

[@beepbeepmeepmeep]

@@nana20172my eldest has a difference called pathological demand avoidance (PDA). Her nervous system registers any ‘demand’ as a fight/flight trigger (evolutionary level threat response). Nothing worked, we were both burned out and distressed. Mirroring, (doing alongside) Equalising (sitting at their level or alongside not in front or above) helps massively. It goes counter to trad parenting logic and can be v challenging to do. It def tracks with Miss Emmas advice here, but is a more tapered approach to this specific issue. Look up at peace parenting podcast for more info specific to this. Good luck!

[@shaycute3214]

I recently started using first/ then and I put more emphasis on then he always listen and it works great. If he want screen time I tell him first read these books, play with some Lego, blocks, colors then you will watch KZbin. He happily stops whining and crying and follow all the instructions patiently and then I play KZbin.

[@jennylopez2225]

Thanks for your amazing tips. Do you have any tips on picky eating? Any resources

[@jensmith9111]

As soon as i opened your video this is really same in my situation. 16months old just want to do it by herself.

[@EmmaHubbard]

😂 It's so cute! But just a little challenging at times!😂

[@docbilal345]

adorable kids, thank you for amazing videos.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks!

[@aarolye]

thank you for another helpful video~!

[@EmmaHubbard]

You're so welcome!

[@nancypanasyuk8860]

I loved all these tips but especially the last one! Taking advantage of natural endings or creating artificial ones is a great way to avoid a meltdown! Thank you for your videos!♥️🙏🏼

[@lapin.des.baskerville]

encore merci pour votre travail que vous partagez si généreusement. Tout ce que vous conseillez me semble logique et naturel, cela fonctionne très bien avec mon fils. Depuis les conseils pour dormir quand il était nouveau né à vos conseils aujourd'hui alors qu'il a 2 ans et demi. vous êtes précieuse ❤

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks so much!

[@tanvirane1615]

Hey Emma, thanks for all your videos. It motivates me and I try to follow the guidance however my son who is 2 yrs doesn’t want to brush his teeth at all. He bites very hard and due to which nobody dares to put hands in his mouth 😢. Can u help here … ?

[@nancy9478]

@@tanvirane1615 it may be the taste of the training toothpaste? Maybe the sensation of the toothbrush?

[@maryjanerx]

You are such a great mother!!

[@EmmaHubbard]

❤️

[@elenikouki2352]

Honest question, how is that different to bribery?

[@nadiasaurusrex]

I suppose it depends on the context and the reward being given. We all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes, and it's reasonable for anyone of any age to think "Okay, once I get this done, I can do this thing I've been wanting to do all day", e.g. doing the dishes, then I get to read my book. However, when it becomes bribery, imo, is when it's 1. Pushing for an unnecessary or developmentally inappropriate task or behaviour, OR 2. Offering a disproportionate and/or unhealthy reward for expected behaviour or necessary tasks, e.g. telling a 2 year old to sit silently during a grocery trip so they get a candy bar (unreasonable expectation for a 2 year old), or clean your dishes then you can have tv time for the rest of the day (unhealthy reward for a small but necessary task). If the task is something that genuinely needs to be done and they're having some trouble with it in the moment, having a small and appropriate incentive is not a bad thing. This works especially well if it's a reminder of something you were going to do anyway - if it's part of a child's routine to have playtime after brushing teeth, saying "Hey, we get to do this when we're done" can be a great motivator. It can also help them learn mental flexibility so they shift their focus rather than getting stuck in the difficult task contributing to their big feelings. Hope this makes sense.

[@nadiasaurusrex]

To clarify, having some tv time after dishes is fine, but having unrestricted and unlimited device access after doing a small task does no one any favour's imo, both kids and adults.

[@elenikouki2352]

@@nadiasaurusrex that makes sense thanks!

[@EmmaHubbard]

Great question! The Premack Principle and bribes differ in how they motivate your toddler, when the reward is given, and their long-term effects. With the Premack Principle, you give the reward after your child does what you want. For example, they can play their favorite game after they clean up their toys. This helps them understand that good behavior leads to enjoyable activities. On the other hand, a bribe involves giving the reward before they do the desired behavior or during a problem action/behavior, like offering candy to stop a tantrum. Over time, the Premack Principle helps create lasting positive changes because it teaches your child that good behavior brings good things. Bribes, however, might only work in the short term and can lead to your child always expecting something in return for good behavior. I hope that makes sense!

[@elenikouki2352]

@@EmmaHubbard it does thanks! I guess I was thinking about the idea that there are certain things that have to be done simply for our health - brushing teeth, getting dressed- and for fostering mutual respect - picking up your toys to help mum - and attaching any sort of reward to them may make them feel optional, when they shouldn’t be. I can just picture a reactionary toddler (as I was) saying, well no, I don’t care about playing afterwards if it means I have to brush my teeth 😂.

[@4theFaith]

Our babies must be the same age!!

[@CarolineCarnivorous]

I've usually let my daughter (now 15 months) "brush" on her own a little bit, we take turns doing it. What helps when she bites down on the toothbrush is singing songs (a ram sam sam or Immigrant Song tends to work well LOL). Lately when she asks for boobie, I tell her "brush teeth and jammies first, then boobie" or "you can have boobie after your nap". It's also so fun seeing her copy all the chores we do! I get a lot of help, and we laugh when we see her "vacuum" with an umbrella 🤣

[@EmmaHubbard]

This is so cute!

[@tazzy6403]

Any other tips also welcome. Tried all these and as much as they have been helpful, recently they often dont work. Especially when he's tired

[@EmmaHubbard]

No worries at all!

[@mrsamirza4392]

Bang on time as always ❤👏🏻👏🏻💖

[@EmmaHubbard]

I hope it helps!

[@mrsamirza4392]

@@EmmaHubbard it's sure does ma'am 👏🏻 extremely appreciated as Always ❤️ from South Africa 🇿🇦

[@Hassiba282]

Very great and trustworthy content, thank you very much Emma , but I didn't receive the PDF of the phrases to rethink , I tried several times with no email in my inbox.

[@aurora6920]

Thank you so much, i will try these! I have the same toothbrush battles lol

[@EmmaHubbard]

Good luck!!

[@JamieyFox]

love this its have given me some more to work with with my toddler i would love to see more for toddlers as i already have watch the others u have

[@EmmaHubbard]

❤️

[@ccrsvp7659]

【Tips for children to Brush teeth】willingly! ①. Go shopping with ur children and let them pick the toothbrush + matching cup they like. (cute Toothpaste dispensers are also available) Electronic with music & timer or Manuel are both fine. ②. Buy a 2 Minute hour glass preferably a large one that's really visible (try Daiso - Oil motion bubblers?) or play a 2 min song of their choice ③. accompany them and have a who brushes BETTER competition (not Faster) ④. can print a large A3 size Chart, (could be the theme of their liking Batman or Frozen downloaded online ) then stamp every approved brushing. ⑤ Stickers, similar to charting, award every successful brushing with sticker of their choice.

[@origamikiddo2625]

The things people don't tell you about when you're about to become a parent. Everyone talks about sleep....no one warned me how long I would be having the fight and brushing another human's teeth. Add to that the never ending what should they eat, what can they eat, what to feed them???? And lastly, toileting.....I won't go into detail, but a lot of discussion and attention to that that no one warns you about.

[@Vostal5533]

Wow you really went all out with the extra filming for this video

[@EmmaHubbard]

Hopefully that was a good thing!

[@joslindacruz89]

Thanks for the tip, always very helpful, but how long should we use the first/then statement?

[@EmmaHubbard]

I still use first/then statements with my 7 year old. Really it's an effective strategy to use with children.

[@jhosunefrancis8883]

I need this!!! My little one continually gets frustrated and does not let me brush her teeth. Or when it is time to eat, she wants to play, but she gives me a fit because she does not want to do it 😵‍💫 it's getting hard!!

[@EmmaHubbard]

Hopefully this helps!

[@leahtoledo7215]

When I give my toddler a choice to pick between two things it goes downhill 😂 he wants the red ball, and when he gets it he wants the blue ball, And then he wants both of them and it’s just caos 😂

[@MirwenAnareth]

I implement all of these and our toddler doesn't really react to them. She only copies when she is convinced we don't watch her, she doesn't respond to choices almost at all, she doesn't care if we give her extra time and mostly throws a tantrum. The only thing that *sometimes* works with her is offering her a reward, but it's still lottery. As we implement all those strategies that work with other children, we keep wondering whether there's something off with our child, but then I also wonder if these strategies are as universal as some people claim.

[@yildizozlematesdemir1207]

It is normal that an 18 months old (exact) does not comply with first/then, right? First baby and no one else around other than daddy, newborn/baby part was predicable and what we read online and Emma was enough, now we are clueless with the toddler phase, the last five-six months have been a real battle since she started walking. And it gets worse every day (I know it is good in a way but not surely entirely) any comments and tips much appreciated🙏🏻

[@BrianWader]

I'm from Virginia USA. I grew up in WV. Where are you from emma? Been trying to place your accent. Initial guess was british but then it occurred to me you could be from Australia or new Zealand.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Your second guess was correct. I'm from Australia :)

[@viktoriailieva4460]

What about bedtime? My toddler just doesn't want to go to sleep. Buuuut it'sonly at home. He goes to sleep coopertively in daycare and at his dad's house but not at home.

[@KnottingHill]

In behavioral therapy, this is called “setting the deal.” Before you start the task, set the deal. If there’s any pushback or resistance, you remind them what they’re working for. The contingency, “first this, then that” is set prior to the task and behavior. Bribery is when you try to set the deal in the middle of the task or when they start resisting/pushing back. What works with my little one is searching for whatever characters/objects she’s currently into. “Is that monkey in your mouth? He wants a banana! Let’s see how many bananas he can eat! 1,2,3,4,5 oh my he’s verrry hungry!” Now she’s into Pokémons!

[@EmmaHubbard]

Great explanation!

[@Chuma.N]

I have a 22 months old and for most times, “first then” statements dont work😫😩I also do model infront of him and doesn’t always work. He chooses to independently brush his own teeth. When this is the case, how do you ensure then that they brush “correctly” and for the adequate amount of time?

[@archanavocalist]

Hi Emma, I really hope you can help me with this one. My 16th month old is almost obsessed with my house help and insists on being carried by her. Once my house help carries her and eventually puts her down, my baby starts crying uncontrollably and if I go to pacify her she starts hitting me in anger. Could you please please suggest how I can deal with this. I’ve been at my wits end because I don’t want to be rude to my house help as it’s not really her fault :)

[@Paolalie]

My children's dentist said to hold them tight and just brush their teeth even if it's a fight. I am actually worried now how to fix that, because we believed him and just forced the toothbrush on them. It's been a year of tears, morning and evening now and it always felt wrong. But that's what german dentists recommend...

[@Akanbiomotolani]

Hello Emma, my baby does that anytime am about to change his diaper, he then squeeze his bumbum 😂

[@EmmaHubbard]

😂 They can be so funny some times! Also something that can help is switching to diaper pants (AKA pull ups). Some toddlers don't like lying down for changes but are happy for them to happen if they are standing up and pull ups allow you to do this. Still need to lie them down for poops but something worth considering.

[@Akanbiomotolani]

@@EmmaHubbard ❣️

[@Rupinderkaur-gk5ww]

Hlo Emma My 9 months old twril hands and feet a lot. Please advise to reduce.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Some babies do this to show their excitement (it's like their way of communicating before they can say words). If that's the case with your little one it should reduce naturally when they start talking. If you don't think that is the reason, then it would be worth checking in with their doctor to help determine what the reason is.

[@Rupinderkaur-gk5ww]

@@EmmaHubbard thanks . Your videos really helpful

[@laurabiancadragomir7354]

❤❤❤

[@EmmaHubbard]

💕

[@writer1986]

I honestly feel like I live with 3 toddlers (2 kids + husband). I have the patience to use these techniques on my kids, and they work, but I have zero patience with my husband 😮‍💨😂

[@AimeeMDav]

First I tried this and it worked a little then she flipped the script on me haha. Now it's her saying first booties, first jumpies etc lol

[@loveobviously]

Yup! I’m having this problem my kid gives zero fs he just turned 18 months. I let him brush then I try to brush them right After. I just tickle him so he open his mouth 😂😂

[@EmmaHubbard]

😂

[@loveobviously]

@@EmmaHubbardbesides last night. He wasn’t having it then slapped me in the face & tried to bite me😂😂😂 that was a first. He’s never hit me before. Dude went full feral 😂

[@teachmechinese]

It doesn't work on my 2 year old :(( It doesn't matter what I promise, he still refuses:((

[@o0AlexG0o]

The little one Is your exact same copy😊

[@EmmaHubbard]

Everyone says she looks like her dad, so glad I get a look in 😂

[@jemimah.4childcare]

18 months already🥹

[@Mary-np2cu]

Just wondering what to do when your 20 month old still hasn’t said their first word yet (likely autistic 😊). I don’t think my son can understand a “if, then” sentence yet…

[@EmmaHubbard]

If you don’t think your son understands then I would pair the words with a visual representation of what you’re saying. So visuals (picture of the activity or item) works well. If you don’t have these then the physical item works.