5 Subtle Signs Someone Is Serious About Getting Sober

[@BreeStefanacci-iu7qc]

We have had a computer glitch. We are working on this and trying to get back online ASAP. Thank you for your patience.

[@cathyarvin4078]

Oh no. But at least it's not on my end.

[@heathersherman919]

I am learning so much from your videos to help me help my son. I wish I had found your channel sooner, but I’m so thankful I have it now!!! I wish you were in MS so my son could see you in person ❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much for your positive feedback, Heather! I'm so happy to hear that these videos are helping you. 😀💪🏻

[@Thesolarmisfit]

Ive been a daily regular heavy drinker for about 12 yrs...i made it 2weeks back when i checked into a psych hospital after binge for like a week.....so i tried tapering off....i relapsed hard last week because of a really bad fight with my partner, i made it 16days was feling good after dealing with withdrawals for 4 days...now i have done a lot of things and the withdrawals are back after just 1 day of sobriety... 😢 Im really trying, this is so hard

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

[@CBlough-q7q]

My husband has tried to get sober a few times, keeps relapsing. Finally talking to someone and going to meetings, but still drinking. However, he doesn't "see himself like the others" in the meetings. Really? He's just like them - open your eyes! ...I keep encouraging him to attend meetings, I think he's afraid... Also out of work for over a year and having trouble finding purpose. What kind of "change talk" will I hear when he starts to "get it"?... Thanks to you I have a lot of empathy now. Trying to stay off the roller coaster. Thank you for your videos!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sounds like he’s in the control Heaton stage of change. Likely he’ll get more serious about it, when he hits another really bad day with drinking. He’s close, but not quite there

[@CBlough-q7q]

@@PutTheShovelDown Heaton? I am not familiar with that stage of change. Can you please clarify.

[@NancyStinger-ll6wt]

Darn I’ve missed lives lately. My son is starting to change talk. He is interested in talking to a professional first before he stops using and feels it could be the first step. He says he wants to understand himself as he’s having trouble knowing who he is . I am supporting him in whatever ways he wants to receive help in any way

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Those are good signs. I think it’s good that he wants to talk to someone, but he’s never going to “understand himself” while he’s on drugs. Because drugs make him be a risky different person

[@azadeh5233]

Hi Amber, thanks for your videos! ❤ What are your thoughts on when an alcoholic leaves wife and kids? (Decides to move out and get divorce without any prior fight /ultimatum just around that time ).

[@jenniferandrews8449]

Fear is a HUGE problem for addicts that are years into their addiction. My son shows so many of these signs that he really wants and needs to get clean but has a deep fear of trying to live WITHOUT being high and masking the deep emotional pain he feels whenever he's not high. That's a huge hurdle that he can't seem to get past (and he DOES admit this) Any suggestions?

[@loba49]

If he’s up to it, maybe he can be open to EMDR. It can help with emotional pain a lot.

[@jenniferandrews8449]

@@loba49 I'm not familiar with that? What is it?

[@NancyStinger-ll6wt]

My son has the same fears . I listen to him when he wants to talk about them and get the thoughts out loud .

[@jenniferandrews8449]

@@NancyStinger-ll6wt that's great you're there to let him open up to you and I think that's wicked important for them! My son's addicted to fentanyl for coming up on 4 years now and has been on the streets almost as long. I never discount his fears and do know they're real. He's gotten off the drugs (on his own) during the first year but never did any sort or treatment/professional support so he tends to fall back on those several experiences to almost validate those fears. Everytime he talks about those fears I say to him (right or wrong??) since he's NEVER tried getting off the drugs, other than several times of 7 to 10 day detox the past coupla years, that he just might find it completely different if he would give himself at least 6 months of intensive residential rehab (and if he gives it an honest everyday try for those 6 months) and still feels exactly the same way as he does today THEN he can say he tried and what more does he have to lose? I dunno how long your son's been addicted but I guess the best we can do is always listen to them and keep praying for them! I just don't know what else we can do to get them beyond that fear they have. Hang in there and above all never give up!!! 🙏

[@PutTheShovelDown]

The pain he feels when he’s not high is much worse because of withdrawal. And also because it’s hard to face all the life destruction that has happened while addicted. But it’s temporary. Continuing to use will cause way more emotional pain

[@w1lf1ewoo]

I can tell you know your stuff but i was left feeling uneasy by your last comment about how we deal with the future possibility of drinking/using again and how we verbalize it. You left me in a feeling that i can’t win. If i honestly say i don’t know about the future.. to you that means im planning to do it over again at some point… i can honestly say i don’t know - but you just call that 12 step verbiage

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes, it's sort of an old recovery concept. They call it "one day at a time". The idea is to stay aware that you're always vulnerable to relapse so you don't get too overconfident. Also, it can feel overwhelming to people to think about never drinking/using again. It feels easier to manage "one day at a time".

[@w1lf1ewoo]

@@PutTheShovelDown of course i know that, but you are only giving two negative options - if i say i don’t know about the future ~ either that means im going to drink again or im just repeating 12 step verbiage

[@fredlynnsmith4982]

I would actually like your opinion on this subject. I don't have withdrawals nothing like that, i can not drink for months on end but when i drink i cant do it in moderation. We went to a charity event last night, and it had an open bar, my wife looks at me and says to me do you want to grab a drink? I told her know im going to drink tea tonight because ive got to get up at 5:00 in the morning. Like i say i dont have to drink, but i can't stop when i start. I would love your thoughts on that. I also dont allow drinking while we're working.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Fred, I'd say that's a stage 3 problem. Check out my video on Stages of Addiction.

[@MyAUDHDJourney-dc3py]

My cousin mentioned a while back that he was considering going off of his ADHD medication, of which he is addicted to, and trying medical marijuana. Is that like one of the changes that you mentioned in this video? (Mind you. I don’t know if he followed through on it. But it’s a possibility.)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes, that would be like switching

[@KellyBlakey-c7l]

My daughter says she is so afraid of the pain of withdrawing from Fentanyl. She says the “comfort meds” and Medical Detox don’t help. I don’t know if that is true or not true about Med Detox? Any suggestions how to work with the fear of pain during the withdrawal process?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

They have several medical options fit detoxing from opiates. Medical detox definitely does help. It might not make it completely easy, but it makes it doable. There’s also Suboxone, and sublocade.

[@wonderfulpeoplesavingtheearth]

@@PutTheShovelDown don't get on suboxone! it's extremely difficult to stop, they say worse than heroin. And, because it's a synthetic (prescription drug), it stays longer in the system so it's a much longer and excruciating detox. any thoughts, Amber?

[@silvercat0311]

My husband drinks every night at home and then probably every other weekend with his Dad and brother. How does he stop hanging out with his family?

[@CADreemz]

What do you think the success rate is in helping a loved one gets sober after filing for conservatorship of an adult child who's addicted?

[@margotk3498]

They have to want it

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It’s going to be hard to get out of the bad guy role, but it can be done

[@CADreemz]

@@PutTheShovelDown I'm already there because her Dad turned her against me as a teenager, because he didn't want to pay child support, or for eating disorder treatment. Then let her drop out of school & have a older boyfriend live with them. She's still about 90lbs, & everyone in the little town she lives in us worried about her too.

[@cd2437]

Can someone get off drugs when they are not in any program? or watching videos or doing anything? My hisband says he's done but is doing nothing else other than a praying app on his phone. Can this work?

[@ivap.2005]

well its different for everybody, even a praying app on the phone is a good start! ask him (geniuenly curious) what it does to help, try to understand him :)

[@margotk3498]

Is the continuation in another video?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Unfortunately, my internet stopped and I couldn’t get it fixed. I’ve got a technician coming tomorrow

[@Laura-qr1ml]

This is so good! I was in a relationship with someone who I love very much, but his alcohol and pot use was becoming a problem for me. We broke up, and he was telling me that he'd stopped, and thanked me for opening his eyes, yet his behaviors remained sketchy, and my heart just knew he wasn't being honest. I told him I would be able to tell if he had changed his ways, but I know he didn't understand what I meant. THIS is what I meant! He doesn't speak about it, or share anything about his supposed newfound sobriety with me at all, and my heart can just tell it's all just talk so he can have me back in his life. My boundary with him is that I won't see him unless he's in some kind of recovery program or working with a counselor. There's always some kind of excuse for why he stays stuck, and I can't go back to constantly worrying when the next episode will occur. I get so much from your knowledge, and thank you so much for your guidance. You've been a God send. ❤

[@Rebecca-GLaines]

I can't hardly hear you :( maybe im going deaf! Lol