6 Signs A Woman Is Emotionally Unavailable (Every Single Man Needs To Know This)

[@CourtneyRyan]

Use code COURTNEY50 to get 50% off your first Factor box at bit.ly/3Rf9BlV Thanks Factor for sponsoring!!

[@diegofranco7500]

The 6 signs: 01:08 - Flings vs Serious Relationships 03:25 - She sees vulnerability as a turn off 05:16 - She's not affectionate (consistently) 06:21 - She's unavailable (literally) 07:15 - She's defensive 08:03 - She seeks perfection (in herself and you)

[@TomFox1]

thanks timestamps buddy, you hired!

[@ccastaneda669]

Thank you for outlining the video.

[@69jalo]

Yeah I didn’t like that ad

[@LansingLine]

All these things are delusional. Woman are delusional

[@stormmaverick]

I dated an emotionally unavailable woman the end of last year and happy I was the one that dumped her. She just wanted me as a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. I advice guys on here to know your worth and leave women that don't reciprocate.

[@yanethmartinez656]

I know a older man 58 yrs old wanted to date me but I’m 33 yrs old and I am emotionally unavailable because I get bored with his kisses 🤢🤮. I felt like I’m going to vomit. He keeps chasing me around the store but he can’t reach me. He might want to harass me.

[@trytolaugh2318]

I needed to hear this.. thanks mate.

[@antonioboyd2036]

She be married twice! She had some kind of connection and as far as our connection we've been talking 4yrs we had great chemistry great connection great passion and intimacy then all this not willing to open up no communication no intimacy no time to spend together to bond and enjoy each other when we were once so excited to be in each others space we were inseparable making time for us receiprecating effort and being grateful for anything i did just being indifferent being cold not able to take constructive criticism being accountable become non existent no trust or belief in our bond is a disappointing and shocking feeling! Not what I expected from someone who had so much in common with me and chased me in the beginning admitting I made her feel like being a better person made her feel beautiful and gave her confidence because I was someone who believes in her and she's never gotten that from anyone but all of that is because I really care bout here no games!

[@AllBl8ck85]

@@trytolaugh2318 It's tough bc your the one that actually cares, but trust me, it's worth getting out sooner than later. I just did it myself

[@BodyTrust]

If she never asks you questions about yourself, walk away.

[@Nordic_Sky]

Been there, done that. Guys, just leave. You're welcome.

[@ajtaylor8750]

Never force anyone, let alone a woman, to be emotionally open with you as a guy. A lot of issues with emotional unavailability stem from parental issues, fear of commitment, fear of being hurt, or past relationship issues that have scarred them. If a woman isn't willing to let you in, you should be willing to let yourself out.

[@staytrue8354]

Preach

[@daconnoisseurrex1752]

Exactly!

[@goldenokoko3211]

Dealing with this bullshit rn ..I think you on to something I’m leaving

[@TheChampionEccentric]

My last girlfriend was extremely defensive. It made it very difficult to criticise her bad behaviours in part because she would rarely accept the criticism, and in part because she would lash out in response (verbally). It made me very wary of ever bringing to her any problem I had in the relationship for fear or an explosive response. If you can't feel comfortable raising an issue in fear of her being extremely defensive every time, it's not going to be a very happy relationship.

[@MikeyP109]

Which bad behaviors?

[@YesPlease1]

Fragile ego, emotional immaturity

[@TheChampionEccentric]

@@MikeyP109 There were a few, but the most prominent I could remember were that she frequently talked about her exes and her experiences with them in great detail, and that she constantly got into fights with random people online in comment sections. There were a few more, but these are the ones that come to mind now.

[@MikeyP109]

@@TheChampionEccentric oof, rough stuff bro.

[@metalcorefan93]

That's exactly what I just went through for two years. So glad it's over!

[@RoscoeRed]

It's like you were talking directly to me. Left my ex about 3 months ago for this exact reason. Most of these points were present and happening. I really wish her the best, but I couldn't stay in a relationship where there was no emotional connection or vulnerability from her. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it was unfulfilling and I had to walk away. Thank you for this Courtney! Keep doing what you do!

[@ccastaneda669]

Any woman, like any man who is emotionally detached and doesn't take accountability and responsibilities for their actions and their emotions has a major problems. I recommend that you head for the hills and dump them. Usually, they'll try to blame the other partner for their problems which has nothing to do with them.

[@joev7014]

lol yes, my ex always said everything was my fault and I use to be like my bad, sorry. Than when I say something about her she’d be pissed and called me judgemental… lol always a good laugh when I look back, thank God it’s over

[@ChrisW1019]

I recently saw a video where someone explained that not listening to people is a form of being passive aggressive. Being passive aggressive is not healthy at all. For me, that is a big sign of emotional immaturity and unavailability.

[@djntu2964]

💯! My ex was emotionally unavailable but said she wanted to change so I stuck it out. Wrong decision btw, but she would never listen to me because she was so used to being "independent" and didn’t understand partnership. Whenever she needed someone to listen to, I had to be there for her; but when I needed someone to talk to, she would make excuses (she’s too busy or too tired) to not sit down and show me that same level of affection. I was so relieved when she left, sad but relieved that I could actually start to heal.

[@ticksunbs4944]

Im just checking if i am emotionally available

[@CourtneyRyan]

🙌🏼

[@curtisder]

For the longest time, I thought I was the problem in my last relationship. It's much freeing to hear that a lot of what I thought was my problem was actually her problem because she was emotionally unavailable.

[@souvikmitra6161]

I'll be honest, I had one of the 5 problems listed in here myself (doesn't open up) but that was because she was emotionally immature plus romantically kinda unavailable. I won't go into much details but the way it ended left quite the impact, so much that combined with the lockdown and not going out to meet people much, I became very much emotionally stunted for two years. Only in 2023 I've sort of gotten back my feelings, but now I've decided not to try since I'm moving quite far away this month, so I'll get back to dating and stuff only after. I'm glad channels like this exists, because it adds to my motivation to get myself together more in many ways.

[@Gallowaves]

My most toxic relationship was with someone that displayed most of these traits. She had me questioning myself as a man and destroying my mental health trying to figure out why things were as difficult as they were. Eventually I just had to accept that I deserved better and let her go bc she wasn’t going to do right by me. No other girl has been as compatible as we were since then but at least they actually try to make things work.

[@facelessandnameless]

I had the same experience recently!

[@williamturner1441]

Timing is everything in all aspects of life. Keep reaching for your dreams and never give up. Just some old guy wisdom from me.

[@CobraCommander92]

"Dated" a girl like this for 2 months. I was not sure if she was just shy or being unavailable. She knew my intentions were romantic about one month in and she seemed into the idea, but was still deciding. She decided to wait a month of me paying for dates or getting snubbed on plans to say, "I'm just not into romanticily". We agreed to be friends, but stopped responding when I said we would need to cover our own dinner bills 😂

[@javierst.martien4232]

She belongs to the streets

[@CobraCommander92]

@@javierst.martien4232 I really didn't get that vibe from her. Its like she wanted friends, but not a romantic thing. She just really didn't know what she wanted and seemed like she had some stress issues. I don't know, I got no time for that though.

[@thefox47545]

​@CobraCommander92 You dodged a bullet. Anyone not bringing peace into your life is not worth your time.

[@jakeduncan6892]

@@CobraCommander92 Someone that wants friends doesn't use and abuse said friend's good will. She was a user my dude

[@jacobtani9785]

Here’s the thing about having female friends: they’re more than likely not your friend, they just felt bad or want the attention and put u in the “friend zone”. Which this basically means that she doesn’t ever want to hang out with u outside of work or the gym etc. and only talks to u when seen consistently at these places. More than likely they just stop talking to u. These type of women also like to use u. And so when u laid down the law and told her “we should pay our own bills when out eating together”, she left because she couldn’t use u and that’s the only reason why she was still seeing u as “friends”.

[@kevinbradshaw6127]

I had an experience with a woman once with all the things courtney said there , she was a professional woman with a serious job and i knew that , i never encroached on her personal space , i treated her with respect, her friend told me that she used to put time into her appearance if we were meeting up for my benefit ( so her friend said) but she was unbelieveably guarded , i wasnt a threat to her, but in the end i just walked away because i thought she had deeper issues, i met her years later and she was still single, i just wished her well

[@brunomadeira8432]

Most of the time emotionally unavailable just means not interested likely for insufficient attraction. The difference is men would still do casual just not stick around. If she follows up with the classic "someday you will find someone right for you" then it becomes even clearer. Hit the road and don't simp around.

[@netgen1092]

No, most of the time it's a sign of NPD/BPD.

[@danny-li6io]

No dude, it’s not that simple

[@tarkov_6]

So she is not attracted to her mom or brother? She's not attracted to the 2 dozen people she got to know. What?

[@pablomartinez1504]

I broke up with my ex not even a week ago for this precise reason. - She was defensive about completely minuscule things - Trying to settle things after an argument was impossible; she would make me feel like trying discuss how we could improve was a burden to her - She was always busy or the stars always line up so she couldn’t make it to anything I invited her to. Even when I made the effort to see her, it was never reciprocated. Always “too busy”. - Never initiated sex - Never talked about her feelings - Wouldn’t accept any kind of hel I just want people to know how great of a video this is. A person doesn’t need to have ALL of these signs for you to know they are unavailable. And I want to reassure you boys that “being a man” does not mean working overtime to try and keep a girl attracted to you or giving you the bare minimum.

[@joemcqueen980]

I was told that she was not emotionally ready for a relationship after making the strongest, most compatible connection I've ever had. It's been 3.5 months since we have talked, and I've been focusing on my own life and making the most positive changes ever. Still stings and hurts from time to time. But I just keep making myself better and someone who is worth dating rather than being bummed out about being rejected.

[@GillesSimonify]

Been there, it's so infuriating. You meet a girl, everything is so smooth, the vibe is so strong like it rarely is, and as soon as things get serious, not just surface level attraction and laughs and giggles, she runs away. Baffles me.

[@dustinquinton]

In a relationship, being unemotionally available will kill that relationship. I know from experience and will never be in a relationship with an unavailable girl again.

[@BruceJC75]

My recent ex was very emotionally unavailable. You live on breadcrumbs for so long and then you get discarded. Hardest breakup yet.

[@Harikejn]

Important things: 1:07 First Thing - Fling VS. Serious Relationship; 3:24 Second Thing - She Sees Vulnerability As A Turn Off; 4:45 Agree with the vulnerability and emotional connection in relationship; 5:15 Third Thing - She's Not Affectionate (Consistently); 6:20 Fourth Thing - She's Unavailable (Literally); 7:15 Fifth Thing - She's Defensive; 8:02 Sixth Thing - She Seeks Perfection (In Herself & You); 8:48 The consequences of perfectionism; 9:40 Solution for the mentioned problems; 10:21 Agree about that (person isn't bad if there are these signs); and 10:49 to summarize all the told here. Some of the things can be used at men as well. I also agree that some of these thing are also showing how person can be immature either we talk about men, or women (honor exceptions). I might add among the told few other things why person is unavailable. And those are: 7. Some of them have some other priorities that are doing; 8. They are putting us as a reserve, or as an option (let's call it that way). When I was listening you Courtney I remember when I was in secondary school that I had one girl classmate that was behaving very bad to me. She was playing victim, and behaving immature. I once asked her this: "Could you tell me what I have done?" Then she told me this: "You dare to ask what you have done." Then I told her this: "Well I don't know. Tell me." And then she gave me the silent treatment. And I ended up every communication with that girl. I can say that people can change if there are two things. And those are: 1. They can change if they want to change, or if they decided to do that, cause maturity has nothing to do with age. It has to do with events that change us. 2. We can maybe encourage, or motivate some people to change they mindset, etc. But still it's up to them to accept the things that they have to change, and to solve them as well. I remember once that I saw two quotes long time ago. And they go like this: 1. No one is too busy, you're just not their priority; and 2. Albert Einstein once told this: "I am grateful to all those who said no. Because of them, I did everything myself."

[@NicholasPR]

I'd like to throw in an important point about vulnerability: during the dating phase when you're first getting to know each other, vulnerability can be an attraction killer. That's okay, all it means is that she has a feminine energy. Be careful not to share too deeply in the beginning, but instead speak confidently about how something was difficult for you (if she prompts you) without going into details. That being said, vulnerability is required to connect with and deepen a relationship that has already been established after you have already attracted her. A lot of guys get confused about how/when/why regarding vulnerability and it can be tricky to navigate

[@cthulhu4411]

Relationships now adays are all just broken and fucked up the world is fucked up and this dating advice bullshit doesn't work human beings are all toxic in their own ways a fucking virus even , modernity and social media has killed it all

[@Irhaablackrose]

lol what the hell is this feminine energy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@DrewAllen2000]

I love that I found my female best friend two years ago who I can be emotionally vulnerable with. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and she allows me to open up, and I do the same for her. That’s something I always wanted when I was younger.

[@vigbokwe69]

Marry her

[@DrewAllen2000]

@@vigbokwe69 I would love to marry her. She’s made a lot of my dreams come true. I’ve done things with her that I always wanted to do with a girl. Took her to college football games, camping and to the lake with my family, to the movies and to her first rock concert.

[@joev7014]

@@DrewAllen2000you are blessed

[@Strive1324L]

There are a LOT of emotionally unavailable women out there. They have boatloads and truckloads of reasons to breakup or quit.

[@joev7014]

The hotter they are, the more confused they are. What a coincidence

[@Strive1324L]

@@joev7014 Yep, the beautiful ones always seem to put up barriers all the time.

[@joev7014]

@@Strive1324L lmao, they like to explore their options, always looking for the best and in the end are left with nothing because they bring nothing to the table…

[@facelessandnameless]

@@joev7014sounds exactly like a woman I recently dated for three months. I noticed the red flags after the first date. But she was so gorgeous I just ignored them. Eventually I had to walk away…

[@nicholasrodriguez577]

So true! Working on emotional health is a decision of oneself. Therefore, to make a relationship truly work, reciprocity and care should always be present (this comes with emotional maturity and lots of inner work). Thank you very much for this video! Huge help!

[@whitewalker608]

Such a good point. This search for "perfection" in a partner because of the illusion of so many options is ruining so many relationships today.

[@BlairPittams]

My main take. I'm physically vacant not mentally wanting but dreaming about a partnership

[@jtfritz9169]

That one girl who broke my heart in 2019, was emotionally unavailable. She wanted to go hang out and party with other guys. 😬

[@CourtneyRyan]

Oof, sounds like you dodged a bullet there!

[@taras3702]

The moment you realize she is unavailable, is the moment you eject from this situation. This is not a relationship, this is the opposite. Don't ride the plane into the ground after it was hit by S-400 or Patriot missiles.

[@kentaroo.7759]

That almost sounds like me and someone I was interested in. I blocked her number and her Instagram. I'm pretty sure she didn't notice.

[@O_Canada]

that's a hoe dude. lol "emotionally unavailable" has nothing to do with it.

[@JuzSmokey]

This has opened my eyes.. ( for real ) Exactly why my relationship ended.. Unfortunate. GREAT VID !! Im locked in to all your videos.

[@washredskin887]

I don't think I'm capable of being emotionally available anymore. I've been through too much, had too many bad break ups, terrible divorce and what not. I really feel zero need to get close to anyone anymore. I don't care how hot a girl is, I don't ever chase or act all that interested ever. The funny thing is since I've been this way the women that are interested in me stay interested.

[@briansmith2831]

Courtney, I rarely make posts, but after watching your video I couldn't help but make a comment. My ex fiancé of 9 years ended our relationship recently and said she no longer had any romatic interest in me or a desire to save our relationship. A very bitter pill to swallow, given the time we were together. I noticed that throughout our time together she would rarely initiate romatic gestures or say "I love you", unless I said it first. I was the initiator, and she the reciprocator. I would sometimes jokingly say "I love you more" and did so playfully. But what was originally playful ended up being truthful. She was exactly as you described....emotionally unavailable. In hindsight, I should have realized this sooner. I suppose I was just too upset at the thought of losing out on something special and going back to square one. Reality isn't often pleasant.

[@WhiteKnightKryptonite]

Brian -- thanks for the vulnerability with your post. Never shy away from that as a real man. Real men DO shed more than manly tears at times and any woman who makes fun of you for that vulnerability is likely emotionally unavailable for reasons like Courtney covers so well here in this video. In my case, it was about a 4 year relationship that led to a dramatic engagement and cohabitation without any sort of cohabitation agreement (big mistake for any man or woman) -- all while being there for someone who I had no idea was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic overtones. It took me drawing a line in the sand and looking through some reality lenses to see that at every turn, I was the one investing emotional and physical energy into the relationship through not only words but through ACTION while her apologies for pulling into herself and not being capable of a deep emotional and intimate relationship were merely words without action. In the end analysis what seemed like I had found my soul mate came crashing down in a shocking return to the chaos that this (now) reformed white knight had found her in. After being there for her in every way that a man can possibly support the woman in his life I found myself trying to logic through things only to come to the realization that when the one you love (a verb... Not a feeling) is broken through unresolved trauma and emotionally unavailable though a good person -- It's not your job to try to ride in again and save them. If you try -- they will repaint their unresolved trauma with the same brush and you will watch yourself be cast from the previous role of hero into something you've never been -- the villain. Instead -- you must walk away and MEAN IT. Give them the gift of your absense, admit your White Knight mistakes, and resolve to attract a better partner who will mirror the special things you do, the special words you say, and essentially bring the best version of themselves to the relationship. 👊

[@WhiteKnightKryptonite]

I'd also add that your feeling of not wanting to start from square one is what traps many of us former White Knights into putting up with poor behaviors and poor treatment, ignoring red flags and telling ourselves it will get better or believing empty words to that effect, and believing that if we pour in even more Acts of Service and action -- things will change. They won't if she isn't willing to change her ACTIONS. It truly takes two to form the intimate emotional connection that we all desire. The typical emotionally unavailable person and participating those with BPD either consciously or unconsciously looks for a partner who embodies the P.H.I.L. acronym: Protector Hero Integrity Loyal If that's not the typical White Knight -- then I don't know what is! 👀

[@josmclove4426]

​@@WhiteKnightKryptonite👊🏾

[@fringbabyross4718]

Avoidant attachment sure is a wild painful ride. Got my heart absolutely crushed by that one

[@taras3702]

That what you get when they were rejected by one or BOTH parents at an early age. This really mess people up and makes they deeply unhappy. They are victims of one or both parents bring a narcissist, who was likely rejected by their parents.

[@fringbabyross4718]

@taras3702 that’s exactly what happened to her. My heart does break for her.

[@aliuddin3432]

There’s a girl that I’m talking via text and phone calls, her mum doesn’t pay attention enough to her and her father passed when she was young. She lives by herself. Sometimes she stops communicating with me for the whole night and I feel like she’s seeing someone else?

[@mizenbarbarossa494]

Some people have experience with controlling their emotions when it’s just themselves but lack experience with a partner when it comes to emotional control and when they get it, they feel that emotional hit and they don’t know how to control themselves and end up saying or doing things they shouldn’t that’s why having friends, volunteering going to counseling and therapy to learn to control your emotions and gain experience in group settings, whether just as friends or romantic is beneficial

[@armaanpremjee146]

Recently went out a few dates with a girl that was emotionally unavailable! Didn’t realize this is what she was, and it left me feeling disappointed. Your video described and helped me realize it perfectly. Thank you Courtney.

[@drekathigpen4869]

I want to challenge ppl who think this always means that the other person is “not into you”. You can be into someone and lack the emotional skills or knowledge to create an environment for a healthy relationship to thrive. I thought I was “showing up” until I met someone even more emotionally unavailable then I was and I recognized a lot of the things that were hard for him to do were equally as hard for me to do in past relationships. I do agree that you should probably move on unless the person really understands they have an issue, the root of their issues and are working to uproot it. Otherwise they will just give you the best they can in that moment which probably won’t be enough to fulfill and sustain a relationship with you.

[@josmclove4426]

Well said! 👌🏾

[@tommygunn6901]

Im gonna come off hard and selfish saying this, but i dont care... If youre that emotionally unavailable, get away from me! I dont care who or what hurt you, your actions are telling me all i need to know. This is coming from someone who has endured enough bs! If youre that flimsy, finicky, and fickle, peace out!

[@CourtneyRyan]

I totally get it and would agree with you!! Lol I don’t have time for that

[@tommygunn6901]

@@CourtneyRyan I'll be the first to shut it down! My upbringing was hell as it is and I'm not dealing with anyone who is that emotionally immature.

[@dreybiba]

I always ask myself "would she treat Denzel or Brad Pitt like this?" as a hypothetical. From there, regardless of the motivations, ladies actions become obvious to puzzle together 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@tommygunn6901]

@@dreybiba most probably would because of status. Personally, I don't care! If she wants to be confusing about where we're at, I make it easy and just toss her aside. I don't care how hot she is. There's not one woman on this planet that's worth that much hassle, making any man feel he's not good enough.

[@andersnielsen6044]

The funny thing is that these words are written by someone who calls himself "Tommy Gun".

[@oxigenarian9763]

This cleared up a lot of things for me. Emotionally unavailable is a good term and even better focal point when understanding relationships that do not work well. Nice job!

[@cesarcorral2452]

The world needs more people like you. Have you considered making a life coach channel for women.

[@Varun_79]

Now i understand why my cousin was not interested in me! she was mad every single time i try to hit on her.

[@Nikstar112]

What the hell??

[@Doug5614]

The last girlfriend had and did all the traits you described. I wanted it to work out with her, but it was too much drama that neither of us needed.

[@danny-li6io]

Ask them if they are emotionally available. If they get irritated and defensive the answer is absolutely not

[@loonapoona731]

I am not an affectionate person. I never have been, and im not sure i ever will be. Ive tried to. Ive gone to therapy, ive tried to just do it, but it is not my default setting/personality. I never saw it bewteen my parents growing up and i, admittedly, have a hard problem with showing it physically. But that doesnt mean i dont love that person. I just show it in other ways.

[@zakosist]

Same here. Im just not natural at showing affection and feel I kinda just lack some parts of the social "actions" other people have, but I can still care about people. I think I may be emotionally unavailable in some ways, but would actually prefer to be more available instead (but not so much I dont have a certain control over it)

[@danwarner7816]

Yh those are some valid points girl I'm seeing that moment tick off almost all those points. She just not emotionally involved person

[@MartB-tx5lb]

These behaviors are so pervasive in the modern woman, you'll be lucky to find one that doesn't have one or more

[@MikeyP109]

All women are "modern", or dead.

[@MrArmandoHdez]

Thanks a lot Courtney. Now I know I made the right decision by not waiting for her. Now I will continue focusing on myself. Hope she can can heal whatever is on her mind.

[@emmcee476]

Stay away from emotionally unavailable women. Along with good memorable times together, you will also experience confusion, miscommunications, bizarre/questionable statements, defensiveness, inconsistent affection, walls put up, one sidedness, hyper independence, boundaries to deal with even months into the relationship. You will not consistently know exactly where you stand. You will think and feel like the relationship is strong and solid. That is, until a true test of its strength comes along by way of some conflict that needs to be resolved, and she leaves. Without taking into consideration your input. People like this are not in tune with their feelings, or yours. There is no way they can truly passionately love someone, without that emotional connection that is required

[@chrisglumace97]

So accurate with this juicy information I was dating a woman that was unavailable and emotionally unavailable this video describe pretty much of what I felt and how I felt the experience I went through it all makes sense now had to find out the hard way thank you for the video

[@raygunner4970]

Wow. A lot of this describes my ex exactly. She opened up to me, then when I opened up to her she shut me out to the point where I had to end things with her because the energy at work between us was so toxic. She contacted me after the breakup to check on me, and seemed upset, so I made the mistake of feeling bad for her, and trying to make her feel better, only for her to flake on me. Basically, when I showed any emotion or care toward her whatsoever she'd get scared and run away, despite her still clearly being attracted to me. Been on no contact for three months now. I wasn't perfect in the relationship either, since it was my first real one since middle school, but I've began to realize she was more of the problem. Not me. Let me know if you disagree though. I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are.

[@roba4139]

Without knowing all the details brush up on covert narcisism, it has put the missing pieces together for me.

[@akaraulov]

My ex was the same and days before we parted for good my friend, a psychyatrist, assumed she had BPD. I'm not saying this was a correct diagnoses but I've found many answers in books and videos about BPD. In a case you are still looking for answers (I hope not, just let her run))

[@raygunner4970]

@@roba4139 You're right. Just did a covert narcissism test and answered the questions based on the way she would have answered them. Got an 85% out of 100 (high covert narcissism) as a result. Turns out she is definitely a covert narcissist. Dodged a bullet with her for real.

[@wayne.l.thompson60]

Believe them when they tell you they’re “not that great.” And no matter how great a guy you may be, no matter how much effort you put in, you won’t change them or fix them… you’ll just be beating the wind.

[@jaredpeyton9881]

Perfect timing with this upload. Recently I was asked to "Netflix and chill" with a girl I've known for a long while but I haven't talked to in the past 5 months if not 6. Every time I've reached out to her she's been very inconsistent. Prior to not talking to her anymore, I came to the conclusion that she was emotionally unavailable herself (I know why but I'm not going to go into it) and was not worth talking to. Anyways, everything you've mentioned in the video so far pretty much all lines up with my situation so far. I appreciate you putting this out.

[@spirit-smithentertainment-89]

Emotional Unavailability is a term that someone is not able to or unable to form a deep emotional connection with another person that sounds all too familiar oh wait the guy I cut out that was and used to be my dad is exactly like this. The Trauma and Fear of Intimacy a lack of emotional awareness, and skills. But the unfortunate thing about the guy is that he chooses not to work on himself refuses to ask for help and stubborn as a bull and says things like only time will tell that’s a cop out to say I’m not interested in what you have to say if the person is not emotionally not available. But this can happen with women too but I have not met women close to me that have done these things but my brothers mother was like this, too. Which is unfortunate but the kids had to figure out their own life they’re the only two that didn’t have our dad emotionally to be involved and didn’t help them to set them up for success.

[@arminxvs3372]

Wow... I broke up like 2-3 months ago after a 3-year relationship as she "did not felt it anymore". Now that I listen to this list, it hits hard. 90% of it checks out with her. I felt that as well - now I see she prolly was/is unavailable emotionally and never really felt anything. I need to save this vid. This is gold! 😮

[@joesmith4842]

When she tells you, she’s not looking to date or doesn’t want a relationship, always tack on the words “with you” at the end, because that’s what she really means

[@davidsisson2026]

I was once emotionally available, now not so sure. Had a rough year. Now trying to pick up my left over pieces. so i can understand a woman's being that way. Ive met several types.

[@davidsisson2026]

I would love to talk. Not sure how. I rarely sleep at night . But getting better, being thrown under the bus with out a word. Her showing up with her new guy at our hangout.

[@sarahyassin]

This makes a lot of sense to me. My problem is that I got in a situation with a long term friend after he initiated all while he was there for me as I was getting over a really messy situationship. He turned out to be emotionally unavailable as I began to develop feelings for him. He never talked about it or tried to save the friendship after I confronted him. I lost it all - it continues to destroy me..

[@themistoclesnelson2163]

Thank you for sharing this from the men's perspective. I think a lot of people think this is only a thing men do.

[@skibunny2257]

I think all these things go either way for men or women that are emotionally unavailable. I was dating a man that I discovered was emotionally unavailable and had some narcissistic traits. These people will never find perfection because that does not exist. If this is what they are striving for they will never find it and will end up alone forever. You are right. You are not their parent or therapist. They must want to change this in themselves and it's up to them to do so. You yourself should probably just move on to someone that is emotionally available.

[@robertlouie1785]

I agree that being emotionally unavailable goes for both genders. I've not been in a serious relationship for many years. I know that I have so much work to do, such as: 1) Learning to communicate without sharing to much too soon 2) Accepting the fact that no one is perfect 3) The fear rejection and the fear of approaching a woman for general conversation. There's so much to be said about this topic. I listened to, "5 signs you're not ready to date." Then, this video was recommended.

[@skibunny2257]

@@robertlouie1785 Glad you recognized this in yourself and that you are working on it. The guy I was dating doesn't seem like he wants to work on it. Not sure if he even knows he is emotionally unavailable but all the signs are there. I just have to move on. Not fair to me. He missed out on a pretty good catch and a nice person but that's his loss.

[@robertlouie1785]

@@skibunny2257 thanks for your response skibunny. I know that moving on can be very difficult and even painful. I hope this isn't the last reply from you skibunny. I'm up for causal conversation. I don't mind keeping it simple and relaxed. Skibunny, I hope that I've gained a friend , today.

[@skibunny2257]

@@robertlouie1785 Yes, but I have learned to love myself more and if he doesn't see my value someone else will. He's not who I thought he was. I am very educated on this and narcissism so it wasn't hard to spot.

[@skibunny2257]

@@robertlouie1785 Thanks

[@matthewcormier8744]

Healing Yes I definitely respect the ladies no matter how they look Body type etc thanks Courtney Ryan

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Men look at her past history in relationships, while women see what a man can do for her future like financially take care off.

[@kenrickbautista6141]

As someone who never once had a fling or real relationship and just looking for a serious relationship, this is getting harder and harder every day. Not really the most exciting person in the world, but it means so much as someone is just emotionally available for me. It is so hard to ask?

[@jacobtani9785]

Sadly yes and I’m in the exact same boat as u in my early 20s. It’s possible but I’ve already given up putting myself out there. They gotta come to me because I’m done going to them. Only time will tell…

[@dgwaters]

@@jacobtani9785 I’m feeling that way too, and I would love for them to come to me but I just have to face the fact that it’s not going to happen. If I want a relationship with a woman I need to make the first move, and honestly that has never been easy for me.

[@VicYannuzzi]

Not being over her ex probably overlaps with a number of these categories here. Anytime someone has mentioned something along the lines of “I’m still on great terms with my ex…” in the first few dates it’s never worked out.

[@milforddekalb6429]

Sounds like jealousy to me. My ex and I can and do get along it shows that we're both adults.

[@VicYannuzzi]

@@milforddekalb6429 I can only speak from my own experiences as I’ve had more than one relationship fail because she went back to her ex. Glad it worked out for you. But maybe you should also get off your high horse and be less judgmental of people who’s life experiences you know nothing about. That’s what mature adults do.

[@Shageta456]

I've been waiting for her to make a video like this

[@CourtneyRyan]

Enjoy!!

[@punk86]

My neighbor who I had a crush on for a long time finally talked to me. It didn't go well the first time due to me being too nervous and shy. She gave up and I moved on. She started coming around again. I shot my shot and asked her out. She said yes but gave me a fake number. I moved on again and a month later she came around yet again. It was going well, and then when I tried to actually put effort and get close to her, she backed up, avoided me and still does, and pretty much ghosted me. There was no real communication, at least from her. I know I might have done my wrong. I'm pretty emotionally unavailable myself as an avoidiant. I honestly started trying to be available because I wanted to give her a real chance. Even getting therapy myself. I guess, I just wasn't good enough. Now, I'm trying with a new one that's actually giving effort. Complete opposite of my neighbor.

[@Razear]

Women will say they are open to men being vulnerable, but when they actually see them display their emotions, it becomes a turn off. There's a reason that men aren't incentivized to seek mental health services during times of emotional turmoil compared to women, and that's partially why men "delete" themselves at a higher rate.

[@woodgie6041]

@Courtney Ryan have you thought about doing a video on men from America seeking brides internationally? I personally two people in my life who have married women from foreign countries. One couple seems pretty happy and successful but I’m not super close to them (my boss). the other couple I am somewhat close to and the chemistry is not totally there but still married. I looked at the stats for “arranged” marriages-about 1100-1600 marriages from the United States are from international dating websites. I don’t think social anxiety on the males part is totally the issue. There has times in the past that I put myself out there and I’m willing to go all in but American women seem to chicken out. Granted, this was about a decade ago and I know where I lacked as a man back then but I can’t really blame the average physically attractive male to look for connections outside of the United States. There’s definitely something to it. Women outside of United States seemed more determined to seek out security due of desperation. But can you blame both parties?

[@aaronsaiz2498]

Congratulations on getting married courteney you deserve a man to treat you like a queen ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@StaffOfDestruction]

I'm socially awkward. I guess that means I'm emotionally unavailable. While I've been working on this issue, I still struggle to connect with a woman that I'm interested in.

[@TheULMOnaut]

The seek for perfection part really got me. It is so true and it makes losing the one who pulls away from you even harder, cause you know she is actually a great girl.

[@taras3702]

All of them described women in my past, including my ex.......this video is a good one for young men to avoid all sorts of bad situations.

[@xjoemallardx]

Stay single, you'll be happy.

[@CoachSteveJandS]

You should love in such a way that the person you love feels free. Love is not controlling...

[@carybaney2548]

She speaks the truth, saying nothing is perfect in this world. To attempt or expect it is a guarantee of failure and disappointment. It can't be done intentionally, and never has been done except rarely by chance. But growth and change can arrive, after this is really understood.

[@phil4208]

It took awhile but I became totally independent financially , house, business, and personally, such as cooking , cleaning diy home and car repairs, one thing I never do is let a strange woman know my wealth and I never dress for success , that way the woman I want is real , if she isn't, I'll escort her out the door because the true you always gets exposed

[@varniitprofessional]

6:24 I have been through this throughout my 30 years of life esp., in terms of befriending or going on a romantic relationship with a girl. I have seen girls interacting as much as they want to and then be like "gone with the wind". I mean why you interact and give the other person (me, here) so much of expectations and hope of some kind of connection when you are not going to be in my life after a certain time you decide to end it. I mean you can be honest and not lie about or use me or my hard-earned money (including savings, which is now zero and negative) for your purposes and motives and then jump off to next male train. I will not disregard your honesty but will completely when you choose to lie and be a body of lies.

[@TodFranklin]

Resonated that "seeks perfection" found myself some years ago in that position. Also had a defensive girl on a date, that was pretty odd. And also been there with those people, who "see vulnerability as a turn off", couldn't figure out what the heck was that.

[@MannyLoxx2010]

There's a big difference between women, ladies, hos and bitches, ladies and gentlemen!! Let's keep it real and with facts here!!

[@stevemallett7416]

From my experience, you are right. Thanks for your confirmation.

[@Yosef_Maharat]

Hey, Courtney and everyone.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Hi Yosef! 🫶🏼

[@mundea]

whats good, Yosef

[@RyoLTU]

Courtney greetings from Lithuania ! I just wanted to thank you for your hard work an insights on many many different situations. Your videos (as many others) helped me not to lose hope in woman completely and continue to work on myself and on my goals and believe that there are "normal" :) woman left in this world... Your videos just proved that I was on the right path on mens side what is a quality man and what traits has a quality woman. Also your videos such as this one with 6 signs of a woman being emotionally unavailable helped me to understand ( just give more confirmation to myself ) that in deed in some of my own relationships the girl was emotionally unavailable and stuff I was accused of was absurd... AS in your examples "She sees vulnerability as a turn off" and "She seeks perfection (in herself and you)".. Keep up the good work and thanks you once more!

[@marcelotoniolo4434]

The question is...who (a man) will be interested in an emotionally unavailable woman then ? Isn't dating or trying to have a relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman basically asking for trouble ? Or, rephrasing it, shouldn't emotionally unavailable women be left alone since they are essentially undatable? I personally believe they should be left behind (alone).....In the past, I dated a woman who had a psychological disorder (Avoidant personality) who made my life hell.

[@Whatsacody]

Damn. I just went through a bad breakup. I'm really fucked up over it. She expected so much, and no matter what I did it still was not enough. She would get defensive when I asked her to make changes, and would rarely show me affection unless I initiated it in someway. Perfectionism doesn't even begin to explain it. She ended it, I still can't accept that it's over. After this video I'm starting to think it might have been emotionally abusive to an extent. Not that I think she did these things on purpose, but it was always my fault, and my feelings were never validated. I wish I could have given her what she wanted, but I wish she could have also found a way to be able to be happy with the day to day love we shared while living together. Maybe I gave too much of myself.

[@TheMathias95]

Dude that is literally my story aswell, 4 months ago. It took me quite some time to start accepting the idea that it was not all my fault, and learn that it is okay that I rarely felt seen. Whenever I tried to communicate some issues I had about her behaviour, I would always end up feeling I did something wrong.

[@DP-cz9xi]

It's not you, it's her. Welcome to your first experience with a narcissist. "I wish I could have" Nonsense, you dodged a bullet. Be glad you didn't get married, and she stole all your money.

[@ethanmiller5487]

I would add that if anyone is personally degrading to anyone when they aren't in a state of high emotions (good and bad emotions) is a really good indicator of soviet parade level red flags.

[@djpickleballplayer]

Any attractive woman that is single is emotionally available. Especially, if she is 25 or older. Unless you happen to catch her in that very small window that she is dating someone but not yet in a relationship. But she will be taken very soon.

[@mathieupoirier7766]

Thanks Courtney usefull comments for single man like me. Positive feminin influence Greetings from canada

[@johngonzalez4298]

Feliz Viernes, Courtney ❤!

[@JustinTrudeau1971]

I went on a date years ago with a woman who told me she was looking for perfection, and passed on me. I found out about fifteen years later she was a single mother, having frozen her own eggs and used a sperm donor.

[@TheMaster100]

I agree with you Courtney, but sadly their is not a lot of woman that care enough about men to be emotionally available and not use it manipulate him later. But their aren't zero Keep up the good work👍

[@Wickit96]

I tried factor and they are pretty bomb NGL! Thank you for the video Courtney! A lot of very key and helpful tips for anybody who's gone through similar!

[@BlairPittams]

I'm confident saying that I'm not confident. But this doesn't bother me for I know myself and never really had been needy for another

[@ReubenZeigler]

Thanks for this! I liked someone that fit your description and unfortunately still do like her. I never got to date her and eventually it got tough. She blamed me for a couple things that weren’t my fault. I no longer have any contact with her, and hope I can totally put her behind me.

[@tannerjoust1263]

Hide your wallet and you will see them become emotionally unavailable 😂

[@CourtneyRyan]

💀

[@TomFox1]

@@CourtneyRyan 😂

[@OptimusMaximus-qn6hz]

Every single man NEEDS to know this to get a girl like Courtney: Learn the Art of Attraction for FREE in the “Game Global Groups”…. The Largest Network of Men who have conquered their dating lives getting girls like Courtney all the time!

[@LordHolley]

lol

[@Mercy1-]

😂😂

[@LuisArias-ui5dw]

Lookin lovely as always Courtney keep up the great content 🌹🌹

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you 🥰

[@OptimusMaximus-qn6hz]

Every single man NEEDS to know this to get a girl like Courtney: Learn the Art of Attraction for FREE in the “Game Global Groups”…. The Largest Network of Men who have conquered their dating lives getting girls like Courtney all the time!

[@wardofnothingness]

This lady is the best all my mom ever taught me is alcohol for breakfast is all 😊

[@m3vt2seffn]

My ex-girlfriend she was not affectionate shouldn't give hugs or kisses but once we would go to bed she turned into a nymphomaniac I am not kidding

[@CourtneyRyan]

LOL there are other forms of affection besides physical affection 😂 but thanks for sharing HAHA

[@dobermanownerforlife3902]

Horse chick? My ex was this way too.

[@SolitarySoldier]

The dating market is so rough rn. With the abundance of options for men and women it really complicates matters for both sides.

[@thefox47545]

There's a really attractive girl that comes to our weekly singles mixers but HARDLY talks to anyone. Guys would try to introduce themselves and she gives them an uninterested "hey" and walks away. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE COMES TO THESE THINGS! The drinks aren't even good!

[@danielm4949]

Looking great Courtney! Thank you for the video, very insightful 💯

[@CourtneyRyan]

Use code COURTNEY50 to get 50% off your first Factor box at bit.ly/3Rf9BlV Thanks Factor for sponsoring!

[@charlessteadjr1839]

Very informative, very helpful . Thanks

[@alexandretremblay3768]

Thx for that... gonna help me heal. Thx for all your vids, they help me so much