6 Struggles of Dating Chinese Guys

[@TakenPilot]

Kind of sounds like a normal guy. Those dudes that “lovebombed” you weren’t serious over the long-term.

[@RichardLee-h9y]

I am Asian. And marry a white girl, my parents welcome my wife with open arms, never was an issue. My wife and I been married for 32 years

[@nigeltang8738]

@@RichardLee-h9y same.

[@ViceCoin]

Asians love whites ( but they don't like Asians).

[@jeffdevc6422]

Well you don’t sound very Asian . You’re obviously an accustomed Asian so stop being so sensitive

[@j.thedude]

Wonderful 🙏

[@midwestheartz]

i know this video is a bit old but i would like to hear more from you. i too am married to chinese man and oh boy you described everything. the culture of emotion and communiication styles is soooo different for us. i know he loves me he takes care of me realistically. pragmatically but i am not materialistic girl. i dont need things to feel love. my love langauge is literally that verbal language communication feeling secure. sooo,, sigh. its been real tough. im not even that emotional by white girl american standards. but i still want to communicate. the worst is when i try and he is either defensive quickly or nonresponsive. it makes me not want to even try anymore

[@QQ251647742]

So you don't feel loved romantically with your partner, I get it.

[@katianecastro6185]

I’m living the same situation 😢 I few bad bc I have to call him out about things that he say sometimes he is so had and mean

[@yongdeng1813]

Your relationship is doomed, sorry to say it but it is what it is🤷🏻‍♂️

[@bms-xs5zp]

So you have to decide if you can accept and understand your husband for who he is, also if your husband is smart you will be able to guide him to start doing a little more for you in the way that you would like, little things first.

[@celloting01]

actions speak louder than words. not the materialistic, but rather the thoughts put into the action that matter. if you're after verbal reassurance, likely you won't get it as that's not the asian way. chinese don't even have the exact equivalent word of 'love'! the love is expressed in thoughts rather words. words are cheap, as they say.

[@u140550]

As a Asian I think that in a lot of ways these are all Asians, but in different ways. To some extents this is my parents at times, even though I don’t necessarily agree all the time.

[@beebeejoo]

Thanks for making this!

[@cub2307]

The last thing you talk about is that American express loving/caring with more verbal praise and Chinese express loving/caring more with subtle actions.

[@tomsd8656]

Verbal is easy. You practice long enough, it comes out automatically. I heard a guy ending every conversation with his wife with a "love you", but it sounded auto pilot. If you are an American woman who had been conditioned to hear that, you might feel some "love" is missing when you don't hear it. But that seems to be an American thing. Lots of words. Not necessarily action. In the East, love is not expressed with words. It is expressed as sacrifice and forgiveness. With divorce rate so high in America, I guess love is just temporary with lots of words, but sacrifice and forgiveness, not so much.

[@tonytube9211]

To Asians, service/action is more important than words. A Chinese man world normally act on something like cook for his spouse or take a couple of days off to take care of his spouse when sick.

[@cooliipie]

BULLS***! The East has a crazy cheating problem. GTFO of her with that sacrifice nonsense. Marriage in the East is financial. Only the West has true love marriages. Also I've personally known many children who are scarred from their parents never showing affection. No hugs, kisses, nor I love yours.

[@RareFXChrisC]

​@@tonytube9211What about American born Chinese?

[@herecomesforego1787]

@@tomsd8656right ! Westerners not so desperate to hold on to nuclear families

[@Razear]

Confronting tiger parents is like trying to pass an interrogation, but once you get on their good side, they'll warm up to you, but may not necessarily show you emotional affection in the same way that Western parents do because of the reserved nature of Chinese familial dynamics. Money and saving is treated like a religion in a Chinese household. Everything revolves around trying to live as frugally as possible. There are certain exceptions like with their children's education or celebrating Chinese holidays, but excess spending and materialism is very frowned upon. The outlook with managing finances is long-term oriented and based on delayed gratification, so essentially the polar opposite of the YOLO mentality in the West.

[@herecomesforego1787]

How about oo7 YOLT?😂😂😂

[@sengkhor8924]

Regarding your last point the reason is basically due to the difference in behaviour between western and Chinese (East Asian) society. Westerners are generally governed by their hearts (emotions) while Chinese (East Asians) are governed by their heads. One is not better than the other. Both the heart and head are equally important. The key is to find the right balance.

[@dankuo8561]

You have good observation and understanding of cultural emphasis. I wish you continued growth and happiness in your relationship.

[@Suijen86]

"Son" "Dad...do you love me?" "What? I bought you a house." "Oh. Thanks."

[@jackli-l8x]

a typical Chinese dad and a western son/daughter😂

[@youngtexas]

Whitley, when people are humble and flexible as you are, people will be happy in any culture. It's noble to place other people's needs above those of yourself but as an unsolicited advice, bump your own needs a little higher on priority, regardless of emotional, financial, physical, whatever. Thanks for sharing.

[@jhors7777]

This was very well explained. Thank you

[@jackli-l8x]

U are a girl with a heart of care and mutual understanding. Those struggles u mentions are actually due to lack of understanding of the other side at the beginning and can be solved within 1-2 year between people who are reasonable and willing to try learning from each other and put themselves into the others' shoes, and u and your boyfriend and his parents are all such persons, so for not too long u accept each other and are getting along well. Congratulations! I expect u can be happy together for your whole life. When talking about spending money, traditional Chinese tend to save as much of their income, or at less 30% if possble, for better life in the future and possible difficult times, and cannot accept spending too much money on unnecessary items. Chinese recognize this tradition is a very important good characteristics of Chinese.

[@kingcrab750]

Chinese born living in the US. I don't think I've ever told my parents, my sister, my wife that I love them. Its just not in my vocabulary. Saying that in English is not a problem. But it feels really weird saying i love you in Chinese.

[@仇大锅]

yeah，like saying I love u in English is an emotional expression, but saying it in China represents a responsiblity for the members of family, which is so deep!

[@henrichandrew]

Hi, thank you for your input and advice from your own experience of interracial relationship... I think, interracial relationship or marriage always have their own issues. Not to mention interracial, even in the same race, we also have to face some issues. Because every family have their own custom or culture. The most important thing is....are we willing to blend in with our spouse custom / culture or his/her family? One thing should be highly noticed is If we have engaged, it is not about our relationship with our couple / spouse but also with his/her family. So we have to bear with all the consequences, either is good or bad. And in Asia, They respect their parent very much. Even after getting married, some of them, still living with their parent and some don't. Unlike in Western culture, after getting married, you are separate and independence from your parent. And parent seldom / never interfere their children's life. Every cultures always have their own pros and contras. So the best is, when into a relationship, interracial or not. Try to understand and learn about your couple and his/her family custom and culture. So your relationship will last long and so on. Happy get into interracial relationship....yey

[@guyl5894]

I guess people watching this have partners or spouse with different culture background. Definitely piqued my interest. Indirect way of expression for love is imbedded in Chinese culture and language. It is hard for Chinese speaker to say“ I love you/ wo ai ni” in Chinese but it is more natural to do so in English. Traditionally, chinese tend to show love via actions, gestures or similar phrases to suggest that but subtle or artful way somehow weighs more than direct expression. This adds a level of unique playfulness, intelligence and requires reading between lines. Well, of course, it all depends on generation and individual. More importantly, besides the culture, I think getting to know each other on individual level is more important. Effort for communication between partners or spouses should go both way. Both sides will need to learn how each other express love, sadness or concerns. Communication is hard just for regular couple with same language and culture background. It takes more attention and effort to navigate this for sure. I hope your boy friend will do similar reflection like you and love to hear from his side. Wish you two the best!

[@lukefriede2986]

After dating a Taiwanese girl for a year I can say the lack of verbal affirmation is difficult. Not that it doesn't happen often enough, but it does not happen at all, so it was always hard for me to tell how deep the connection was.

[@cottagegymfun]

My mom wanted me to marry a Chinese, Japanese or White lady. My first marriage was Japanese, didn't work out after 12 years. My current wife is Filipina, a bless. I like White ladies too, just life didn't go that way. I'd be happy whomever my adult son chooses as far as ethnicity goes.

[@chinescarioca]

Your point on parent expectations is spot on. You actually put it quite politely.

[@rbenjamin1429]

So interesting!! Thank you!

[@YiHuang-w7w]

All you said are very true! Especially your last point, Chinese man use their actions to express their love. For this kind of love, they think words (l love you, etc) are too cheap. Chinese man think that Only actions or even sacrifice his life (when need) can express his love to you.

[@roverdover4449]

Really informative video, thanks. Edit: Koreans are all about saying "I love you" (Sarang-he-yo)!

[@cherishyang8625]

Great advice! Thank you! Especially the practicality over emotion part. That helps so much because I was struggling with that part.

[@tsiaotsiao3906]

Thanks for sharing. If you are still together I would suggest having separate bank accounts when you get married. As you said, finance is a big thing in Chinese culture and u don’t want spending to be an issue.

[@daniell8993]

I’m an ABC who married a mainland Chinese wife… things I normally do as a husband (household chores and kiddo stuff) somehow sounds weird to my wife’s Chinese friends in China mostly because their husbands don’t do anything like that. So, expect major attitude changes if you are planning on marrying one. Just so you know, being “practical” is a guy-thing… not just Chinese.

[@xporkrind]

Outstanding video. Very very informative.

[@mickytan6206]

Hi Whitley, one of the Chinese tradition is for the wife to manage the finances of the family. So ask your boyfriend or husband now to hand over over his salary to you every month.

[@LWRC]

That's a line of bull!

[@michaelren9771]

Bro tf you on selling out your kind like that

[@cryora]

Be sure to wear traditional Chinese clothing while you're at it. I'm talking about the kind that predates Communism.

[@kizarumelon2477]

Wtf 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😴. Good one lol. Good one

[@venture.brothers]

It's true in some parts of china

[@dhui777]

Excellent points! True love is shown in action not just in words. But your boyfriend needs to really listen to this video and put in more effort romantically into the relationship.

[@j.thedude]

Agreed! I’m chinese btw

[@luciekristina1271]

I really liked listening to your story, thank you for making this video!

[@freshtaaliyar5763]

Ohhh it's very hard for me that my husband doesn't say my love, baby, sweethy...... that really hard for me that I grow up by soo much expressing love I will damage from my inside 😂💔

[@j.thedude]

Maybe Talk to him about it, tell him you would like him to express his love to you because it would make you happy 😃

[@montoyali]

when my girlfriend come back to shenzhen from UK, we can have a double date, i am from Hu bei by the way

[@chriss729]

Very accurate observations!

[@kangkinkang]

I'm a Chinese bloke from Singapore, not from China. Am absolutely not typical a traditional Chinese man who are conservative, stiff, unexpressive & boring. Marry me White women, you would not have to face thru parents-in-law nonsense thru me. It's all about freedom, free expression, loyalty & responsibility in my universe.❤❤❤

[@tietier2085]

Right, when dating Chinese action speaks better than word!

[@cooliipie]

Are they your lover or financial service?

[@Woestheboss]

We need an update. Still together or not?

[@j.thedude]

Hope so 🙏

[@n99w79]

There are always some challenges dealing with relationships from different cultural backgrounds. It is important to understand the differences and adjust mutually. May need to rethink the pros and cons of different cultures. Say for finance, I think it’s related to how the social security works in different countries so Chinese people need to save up more but people in US don’t care that much.

[@df.vilarinho]

what would a friendship relationship with a Chinese woman be like and a friendship relationship with a Russian woman having a child with both women with an ex boyfriend who gives you gifts and pays for dinner

[@raiderjkwong]

very insightful comments

[@seymorefact4333]

I just realize...this video is 2yrs old. Are you guys together still...did you go back to America...do an UPDATE VIDEO?

[@AvgAsianJoe]

her last video was 2 years ago. Either she got married, had kids and too busy for video or the relationship did not work out.

[@j.thedude]

I hope things are working out for them.

[@MyLifeThai371]

I used to live in Cambodia and my best friend was engaged to a Chinese man. She told me that he wanted to take her back to China to marry her, but her and her family said that she could only marry him in Cambodia, because they were afraid he would sell her once he got her back into China. I did not realize that this was such a problem, even though I have been aware for a long time that China has a shortage of women, because of the one child policy. Be safe girl!

[@mc116]

As a CBC, I burst out laughing once you said money/finances. Knew exactly what you were gonna say. 😂

[@soha7271]

Whitley I don’t agree in full with your saying that Chinese parents would prefer their son to marry a woman of their own race. I’m 64 and my older son is now 22 studying abroad, it is possible that he might date and marry a local girl there. I think it’s more based on the personality of that woman, if he’s dating a foreign girl like you with manner and education, I’m more than welcome you to our family with open arms, btw I live in Hk so it’s quite near you😅

[@celloting01]

people say actions speak louder than words. and you're right that's the asian way of expressing their love and affection. in any case, way too many relationships and marriages in the west end pretty quickly after a few bust ups, irrespective of kind and loving words being uttered. my advice if you haven't already to look deeper into the 'spiritual' component/element of your relationship as derived/given by chinese culture. we don't really have it in western culture, with exceptions of course. all the best.

[@davidlu5356]

Very, very insighful and postive!

[@jorgej5916]

Westerners are more into "lip service" ie what we always hear in movies " Are you Ok?" , "Are you hurt?" "Is everyone ok?" ; "Do you need help?" ; "Can I help?" "Are you sure you're OK?"....instead of observe or just stick your hand out and just help

[@hau8072]

Rule No.1 - ensure that you both dont live with inlaws under one roof.

[@Averagebum21]

Living with the wife’s parents may be better. Certainly not with the man’s parents.

[@newchannelization]

True, I have dated several western girls and yeah they don’t understand that we Chinese men are serious. We act instead of say. Words are cheap. I love you. How much bowls of rice can you buy with these three words? I rather be there for her and help her emotionally or physically. But to be honest, not a lot of western girls will truly get it. The emotions are way stronger than the rational part

[@luciekristina1271]

In my opinion, love is a 2-way street. If a girl marries a Chinese guy, she has to expect that he'll behave like Chinese do. However, the guy also marries a non-Chinese woman, so he knows that her way of thinking is different. Why should only the woman change? They say, a compromise is a solution no one is happy with, but maybe one small stap from both of them would make a big step for their relationship. I can't imagine that the guy who sees that his wife is miserable, would feel great about himself, even though he bought her many bowls of rice. It wouldn't kill you to say I love you every now and then if she needs to hear it, and she should look further than her nose to appreciate whatever you do for her.

[@cryora]

As an American of Chinese descent I am afraid of dating western women for fear that their racist gun nut dad or brother would shoot me, and for fear that I wouldn't fit it for not being "all american" and not knowing how to lasso a cow. Old money country clubs and Oxford University? They don't even welcome their own kind in those places if they're too poor. What chance does an outsider have?

[@sadiqsadiq7748]

Man, just as words are not substitute for actions, actions are no substitute for words either. Marry the two.

[@cooliipie]

Don't be so emotionless. If words mean nothing to you then you are stale

[@kimtan95]

Chinese men are emotionless

[@王星-s8g]

Very honest and true thought

[@yujohnny8256]

When things keep getting expensive, you will know those practical values do make sense.

[@Blu-so8hc]

Interesting video. 1) Teach each other to communicate in both languages. 2) Learn to cook and participate in pot luck gatherings. 3) Ask to help with chores and home building. 4) Plan productive family time. 5) Set up relevant gift or food giving system. 6) Offer to drive them if needed. 7) Plan vacation times together. 8) Become active with finance, savings, cooking, etc. 9) Offer emotional, health & caring support. 10) Prepare foundation to grow family. 🎉❤

[@chinescarioca]

You explained the point on money and finances so politely. Being Chinese I’d say that part of the culture is to always get the most value for the money. The cheaper the better.

[@dangross-hz1yx]

@Whitney Sunday. are you still at Shenzhen? cause my neighborhood is looking for English native speaker

[@shadowdraqon2479]

The last point is essentially, actions speak louder than words, or words are cheap, or u can talk the talk but can u walk the walk?

[@Arsh.i.i.i.n]

I learned a lot from this video and I enjoyed it a lot!, but I also heard this throughout the video: America bad, me bad, China good! And as a pereon who grew up in a somewhat similar culture and family I know when someone is being gasslighted and belittled by others for being "different" There's nothing wrong with the parts of the American culture you mentioned and how you used to live and do things. (The only reason I'm saying this is because I'm suffering from the self-doubt and censorship that comes with the Eastern culture and I'm just figuring out how to value myself and the different ways I do things. It pains me to see someone from a more open minded country adapting to the s*** I'm trying so desperately to get away from🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 and that's why I left this comment...I hope it doesn't sound arrogant or selfish or anything just saying be careful. it's easy to fall into a culture that critisizes everything that is different and doubting yourself when you're the minority...)

[@orangetube1]

Yeah, America is especially good at doing that to its minorities and new immigrants.

[@nigeltang8738]

What an awful thing to say. So unsupportive. You are clearly projecting your experience on hers.

[@youwaiyap2708]

Re: Hubby providing for the family: guess that must be Positive, if there's no Money, there'll be no Honey? 🤪🤪

[@mamasboy6128]

You're number 6 is on point. I'm chinese and I was dating a white girl for 9 years and she always complained about #6. I kept telling her I show you my love in other ways. I'm just not very verbal. Needless to say she left me.

[@j.thedude]

Just tell her you love her

[@jjz4874]

Conclude to one that included six ponits you talked about: poverty history cause all that.

[@lishen6347]

Asian guys are handsome

[@candacemattila2333]

Asian guys are insanely hot! My guy is! ❤😊

[@tednguyen7258]

your a smart girl

[@susannachua7305]

Depends on the Asian guy, just like any other races. Big spectrum!

[@MikeAriano-gt3yz]

With micro 🍌

[@youwaiyap2708]

Re "putting up a show with words"? Guess if some ppl enjoy having shows and not Tangible stuffs, guess U don't know what U are MISSING? 🤪🤪

[@PrivateZerlegtsetseg]

Traditional = tiring

[@jmiller3579]

Watch out for the tiger/dragon moms

[@jefflaw8459]

Need new videos

[@thug4lyfe]

Jeez, sounds like a good dude.

[@darthvadeth6290]

Is the Chinese parents situation kind of like how it is in the show Everybody Loves Raymond? 😅

[@richardlau2447]

Aren’t we crazy?😂😂😂

[@bms-xs5zp]

Marriage and kids. Four years - if it is serious, it's time. Otherwise you need to move on.

[@cooliipie]

I'm going on 5 years unmarried. Marriage is only for having kids

[@ohdaUtube]

Also to note: Asians in Asia and Asian Americans are different.

[@HiFiInsider]

what i learned from my american wife of 20 years is empathy. Chinese culture doesn’t have much empathy towards others.

[@ndy1689]

I have been with a white girl for years and every morning I get her a cup of water and night a glass of milk she feels Happiness than I bought her an LV bag 😊😊

[@sadiqsadiq7748]

Is only Chinese girls that think materialism is love.

[@MeLikeTennis]

I seriously dont think the problems you stated are a thing for an American. You simply get pardoned with everything or at least have every expectation discounted by 80% at least. You really need to see how it is between the wife and her stepmother. The wife would have to endure so much within her daily life. Just like when a Chinese is not able to speak fluent English, he gets bagged on. An English girl strings a Chinese sentence together and they clap their hands. Girl, you have it good and what youre saying is what you hear from others, but not quite sure what it actually is like.

[@AldaLittlethings]

We like to compare liberal Americans with traditional Chinese. But there are many 月光族 in China, and lots of conservative Americans in the conservative states.

[@philsky888]

Does your BF use filler words “like” too!?

[@noctwice]

Why do I get the sense this relationship didn’t last 🤔? No one else seems to notice…

[@susannachua7305]

I thought the same. No responses from Whitley from commentators asking her direct questions.

[@All-gp3tt]

Not every parents, maybe those parents who are more educated

[@mareksan1123]

You like spring roll 😂

[@ucsbchui]

simple, learn their language

[@lchig0]

If gori marries Chinese guy, the guy is seen as lucky (this applies more to the west) since you’ll see a lot of gora with Chinese girls lel

[@PrivateZerlegtsetseg]

I made my decision to never date a Chinese and I never regretted it. It was one of the best decisions I made for myself.

[@johntse8655]

yes, good for you, with your attitude, it would not work in the first place. more for others.

[@PrivateZerlegtsetseg]

@@johntse8655 Aight cool

[@nigeltang8738]

I hope you’re not Chinese. If you are the internalized racism is strong with you. Weak minded (lazy thinkers) people will always categorized a whole group of people based on having a few experiences with a few individuals.

[@not4weak]

Girl, you should feel lucky.

[@kunzklingsor9156]

Uhm, 4 years and still testing the waters is something to consider when dating non-Western men. In your case it is ‘his career’, very impressive given you live in the Silicon Valley of China, but that’s his career, proper.

[@miyakegaijin]

Struggles of marrying a Chinese woman. Almost everyone is ‘he’ (male or female). Many times of miscommunications when wife says something like, ‘He went out’. But the actual meaning is ‘She went out’ which completely changes the message of who she is talking about. Wife used to be a genius at being frugal. She used to be able budget $50 a month for all her food (maybe w inflation that is $150 a month). Post marriage and post working at a good job, she still kind of doesn’t like eating too much expensive food because of cost BUT the skies the limit as to how much she is willing to spend on her skincare.

[@mindcache5650]

Hard to explain...............

[@BrokeAgain]

Good thing is American culture is pretty much adaptable.

[@walhdamaskus2408]

Ur perceptio of chinese family is little from wrong point of view. For chinese family included father, father, grand parents, kids and grandkids. So when u except and include this idea and meaning of this chinese tradition u will live more easier with tgem.

[@yee7694]

Chinese parents want their kids to be an ‘honest’ person. Find an ‘honest’ partner and get married. Not to fool around and waste time and money. And Chinese don’t expect their kids to take care of them at old age. But if their kids are ‘filial’, then they should take care of them.

[@vnln1868]

😆

[@edwardlin2941]

haha interesting

[@AL-bh2ws]

So are you married now?

[@Lee-vb4vh]

Interesting vlog ⭐ but only 604 subscribers 11 videos on Sep 2024. Should be more. Teaching is NOT stable job and conducing to raising family, unless one owns school. Better to be business partners. Ex ask him to invest money and time in developing a school or education biz. Any updates on travel culture channel?

[@KeyChau-x4r]

Not sweet talk

[@seymorefact4333]

Does he have a video on pro vs cons on dating a white woman? i dated a white women...her dad is a racist. Mom didn't have issues. After 4 yrs we broke up. I didn't want to get married at the time. She wanted to be married and have kids. Now, that i'm 38...i wish i married her at 29. She married and has 2 kids, 2 dogs now. Life has regrets but goes on!

[@okayq]

If the Chinese parents don't like Whitley, she can date Vietnamese guys.

[@j.thedude]

Did you watch the video? She said they accepted her pretty quick and are open and hospitable

[@repriser9876]

You look Chinese with American accent. It is an individual case based.

[@Yan.Ke.Ning1]

I'm a Chinese in Shenzhen as well, my ex was also a white girl, it was terrible. sorry but being honest, but not due to she's white, but she has serious mental issue

[@RB-mr6cr]

Why, stick to your own people.

[@truongdinh959]

You should date a Vietnamese boyfriend

[@cdnsilverdaddy]

As long as its not a Mainlander .. selfish and sneaky

[@lcf2366]

What a joke you are talkimg about

[@LarryNg-mx8qz]

@@lcf2366 rude and selfish

[@lcf2366]

@@LarryNg-mx8qz Keep brainwashing yourself and never wake up.

[@shengdauniversity]

are you married now ? ... you don't want to become a " left over " woman .... yeah; just joking. 😂

[@VictorThang-b5p]

She is not in a heat yet

[@kerrin6633]

Terrible joke 😮😢

[@lzeng78]

1