7 things to think about before giving a quilt as a gift

[@jreese8284]

This is well written and well thought out. I love the fantasy! And especially the reminder that, when you've given it away, it's gone. No longer my concern, out of my hands, not my business any more.

[@Dbatem]

So true. As a new quilter I was very excited. My first quilt I gave to my daughter, and the second quilt I gave to a family friend. I love them both never had a quilt that I made for myself. I quickly realized that my passion and joy is not theirs. Now I will only make a quilt if someone asks me to make one. Lesson learned as a new quilter.

[@shareenmasoet796]

I am so lucky my grandchildren love the quilts I made

[@jojorey6886]

I think these are tips that most quilters learn the hard way.

[@michele6708]

I love this so much! Quilting is your hobby. Quilting is your hobby and just because you love and value your quilts doesn’t mean others will. Gifting them something they don’t really appreciate beyond the thought behind the gift actually puts them in an awkward position. It is very egocentric to expect everyone to see it your way. It is way better to ask people if they would like a quilt and if so, involve them in the process. What do they want to use it for, let them choose the colors, fabrics and pattern. Alternately you can make quilts you love and then have a stack available to let people choose from. If those are not their style, this can start a conversation or they can choose not to take one. I see people all the time now asking for ideas of gifts to sew for a man or variations on what they should make for gifts. It really is important to first ask, should I make gifts for these people, or is there an alternative? Not everything has to be monetary. Some will say they can’t afford to buy gifts, but I call BS for many (not all) of those. Quilting is an expensive hobby, and even thrifting fabric has become expensive. It is a matter of priorities. What is more important, gifting someone something they will like, or spending money on your hobby? And if money truly is an issue, sometimes a batch of homemade cookies or a favorite meal is way more appreciated and costs a lot less than a quilt to make! I love to quilt and many in my family have requested quilts, so I make for those who are interested, and I donate quilts to organizations I believe in or relief efforts when it makes sense. And nothing makes me happier than pictures like the one I got from a friend of his little girl carrying the quilt I made her around the garage dragging it on the floor because she loves it so much she won’t put it down! Let it go and make your gifting about the recipient, not about you. Otherwise, why bother?

[@NellieShannon-p9g]

Great advice. I had seen another video who basically asked, “are they worthy?” I know I was very disappointed and hurt when I made my sister something I thought was really cool and what I thought was neutral and she looked at it and said” oh I wouldn’t use that.” it really hurt me that when I was telling the story to my other sister and her boyfriend and showed them the item, the boyfriend said I’ll take it. And he loves it. So, I do not pick anything for that sister, unless she asked for it because she is very picky and that’s OK for me not to waste my time and effort on something she wouldn’t appreciate. People just need to learn grace.

[@aninasmiles1]

Very good advice! Definitely don't surprise someone with a quilt - I love the idea of involving them in picking material and patterns.

[@KarenK-r4f]

This actually really needed to be said. It is all so true. 💙💚💜

[@SewWhittle]

Every family member will be receiving a quilted item this Christmas; quilts, table toppers, table runners, etc. I think they all know how much work and love was put into each piece.

[@lindy4462]

Hahaha loved the quilt fantasy! I give lap quilts, since lots of people would prefer to pick their own bedding and the expense is high. Completely agree about involving in colors or pattern.

[@10robing]

Thank you for pointing out all the things many have experienced and validating their feelings....mine included. Sometimes it's just good to hear someone else say what you've been feeling or thinking to yourself😂. Love the advice❤

[@rosemacalpine7496]

Thank you for pointing out the various things that can happen when giving a quilt. Twenty years ago I had a friend who had a 70th Birthday. I had spent many months making a quilt with a lot of hand work on it. At the party my friend refused to open it saying she would do it later. After I left I spent some time sitting in the car crying with disappointment. My friend has now turned 90 and the quilt is still hanging on her wall. It taught me a lot about my expectations when giving something. We are still good friends and some months afterwards she apologised to me, saying that she had been overwhelmed by the party and she wished she had handled the situation differently. Life is full of lessons. Thank you for this talk.❤

[@katl6426]

I never mind if one of my quilts ends up with the dog. Every dog I've had or known loves quilts & I'm good with that 😊 I operate on the theory that I make them because I choose to. It gives me pleasure to create a quilt & once finished & I let it go, it's not up to me to sag how it should be used. I'm equally as happy donating them to open shops or charities. Someone somewhere will love them

[@laurarose6829]

Great reminder as we go into Christmas

[@Noreenlee1]

Great points. I've had to learn these lessons over the years. Accepting the reality of quilt giving helped me become more discerning about who I gave one to and who just wasn't going to care about getting one.

[@Silencedogood-r6l]

Yes!

[@PiNkSpRinkLe1]

After finding quilts I gifted on the floors of closets, and never used, I stopped that nonsense. This year I have a pile of quilts on my bench. My loved ones will be invited to choose the one they want. And if they say, "No thanks mom, I do not need any more quilts," these will be donated to appreciative organizations like Sleep in Heavenly Peace.

[@Nan-59]

I just looked up the sleep in heavenly peace organization. What a really good charity to be giving to! I’ve never heard about it before. ❤

[@bhquilter]

That's a great idea! 🥰

[@susanwilson5101]

That’s a good idea

[@susanwilson5101]

I do find myself thinking someone would just love to have a quilt but not everyone has the appreciation for the cost , work , love that goes into making a quilt for someone especially those you love. I know my DIL keeps my grandsons quilt put away and it bothers me it was an alphabet quilt for when he was smaller but it’s big enough still for him to be using she feels she wants to keep it for when I’m gone so he will have it I appreciate that but I want to see him enjoy now or even then. I’ll make him another and insist he have it I will hand it to him . 😉. Anywho it’s whatever I guess I just love doing it period.

[@susanwilson5101]

I do find myself thinking someone would just love to have a quilt but not everyone has the appreciation for the cost , work , love that goes into making a quilt for someone especially those you love. I know my DIL keeps my grandsons quilt put away and it bothers me it was an alphabet quilt for when he was smaller but it’s big enough still for him to be using she feels she wants to keep it for when I’m gone so he will have it I appreciate that but I want to see him enjoy now or even then. I’ll make him another and insist he have it I will hand it to him . 😉. Anywho it’s whatever I guess I just love doing it period. Yea I will look this charity up as well I have so much children fabric it’s my fav quilts to make is for the babies and toddlers. Thanks for the info

[@theresawitthoeft2989]

People don't realize the value of a homemade quilt. Of all the quilts I have gifted only a couple went to homes that really appreciate them. Videos opinion is spot on.

[@sewquilty]

Excellent Sage Advice!!

[@robindavis4481]

Such a great video! The fantasy was the best!

[@Boganmama76]

Great video, not something I’d thought about before

[@marlenethompson864]

Quilters should remember all these tips.

[@bethkoch11]

Such good advice. As others have said, I learned the downside of gifting a quilt the hard way. I gave a close friend a quilt for her birthday; it was a complicated Elizabeth Hartman pattern that I spent untold hours on. Unfortunately it was obvious that she was underwhelmed when she received it and I've never seen it at her house. I was hurt - but I didn't think it through. She's not a quilter, crafter, or anything remotely like that, and I know she didn't appreciate it or honestly even like it. She didn't mean to be hurtful, it's just the way she is, and I can't fault her for it. But - lesson learned! My daugter gets a lot of my quilts - she knows how much work I put into them - I don't know if she really appreciates them, but she's obligated to act like she likes them, lol!!

[@teresahaigh4056]

I made a quilt for my sister, but I have never seen it displayed. I finally asked why and her response was “It’s too nice to be used.” I think she regifted it to someone because she couldn’t produce it when I asked to see it. I’ve given several quilted and cross stitch items as gifts in the past and I’ve learned that, unless the recipient also enjoys these hobbies, others do not understand the time, money, and love that was put into the gift. Therefore, I make what I love for myself.

[@carolynnilsen9270]

So true, people do not realise the cost of these makes,thank you for this. I recently made a Christmas dress for a lttle cousin - no thank you, no appreciation. I now know which family members appreciate and treasure my makes.

[@taryncornelius548]

I have subtly put into conversation how expensive my hobby is and have told them how much it costs in fabric and long arm - then if I decide to gift one I have them choose from a variety of kits or patterns so I know they will love it - this works ! My kids love my quilts and my grandbabies use theirs every day

[@Silencedogood-r6l]

Not looking for sympathy..just wanted to share my lesson on this subject..45 years ago when my 3 boys were little and we were broke, I wanted to make something very special for my Aunt who I felt very close to at the time because I lost my mother when I was a teen. So I made her a queen sized quilt, two toned, pale pink and white of polished cotton in the shoo fly pattern and hand quilted it. It took many precious hours while having so many other things to do at that time, but it was a labor of love. I presented it at Christmas and instead of saying thank you with a smile, she looked at me with a straight face and said “you’ll get this back some day.” I was so shocked and hurt that something that I worked so diligently on to present so proudly was received with the back handed comment that the reason I was giving it was because I expected it to come back to me when she died. (She had no children) She later thanked me for it, but after the first comment it didn’t mean anything to me. She kept it for the rest of her life until right before she died when she gave it to the Goodwill. (I found the receipt) After that, I am VERY careful about who I give any quilts to and it took many years to get over the sting of that very undeserved encounter, but I have since come to realize that I was dealing with a *narcissist.* Also, I have come across some of the most beautiful quilts imaginable at thrift stores!! Whenever this happens my wound has healed to the point where it’s no longer painful, because I’ve been reminded that other’s who’ve put *their* heart and soul into something have also had their trust betrayed by those that they thought were quilt worthy, but weren’t. ❤

[@marilynjohnson1782]

This happened to me. I made an intricate elizabeth hartman pattern quilt to my son. He gave it away

[@Silencedogood-r6l]

Marilyn, It’s baffling to me how people can be so obtuse. We can only chalk some actions up to pure ignorance and thoughtlessness. The first decent quilt I ever made was also when my children were small..I hand quilted it and quilted all of our names and birth dates and my wedding date. My stitches were so neat and tiny! My middle son took it over to his friends house and left it there and he used it to lay on it while he changed the oil in his car! Ruined the whole thing. I kept it anyway because I couldn’t bear to throw it away, but I’ll never understand how somebody with more than 2 brain cells to rub together could do that. 😮

[@shellcshells2902]

I learned a hard lesson just this year. This quilt took me 6 months to make. I sent it to my friend in England. She never bothered to go pick it up at the parcel place. After a month they sent it back to me here in the states but it never arrived... gone 😢 I am EXTREMELY picky on who I will gift a quilt to going forward.

[@rebeccamulkern1051]

Omg that's horrible!!! So sorry, it's inexcusable on their part to behave like this,I hope whoever ended up having it thanks their lucky stars

[@daxxydog5777]

Oh, that’s awful! I am learning that others don’t appreciate all the hard work. At least my daughter appreciates how hard they are to complete. But not everyone does.

[@christined2066]

So true!!! The first baby quilt was never acknowledged (I did get confirmation it was received, but not by the new mom). The next baby quilt, I found out the theme of the nursery, colors and the baby’s name (which I put on the quilt). The new mom said a quick thanks (didn’t hold it up) went to the next present. However, a 80+ year old woman was close enough to see and started gushing over it (not loud enough for others to hear). A month later after the baby arrived the 80 year old woman saw the quilt up close and texted me how beautiful she thought it was and said it deserved to be displayed! My fantasy about that quilt would be that it was used and love by the baby. I was gifted a prequilted panel that someone placed a binding on. My daughter has used it so much that it looks like cheese cloth! When she doesn’t feel well she will fold it up and hold it close to her. I made her a new one with similar material a few years ago, she looked at me and said “oh mom, I know you mean well and thank you, but nothing will replace blankie.” She is now 20 years old. I can’t wait to be a grandmother and I know she will absolutely appreciate quilts for her children.

[@caspers_cousin]

Wise video! Agreed with everything! As a rule with anything I make, I learned very early on (during my tweens) to not gift any handmade stuff to folk no matter how much they like me or I them. You cannot control their likes and dislikes over time and vice versa. Would you be comfortable with something handmade in your line of sight for the rest of your life if your life changed and if the person who made it had a falling out with you and your family? It’s always better to give quilts to places where there is a direct need. More importantly a lot of people in general do not need gifts or quilts in particular and this is a harsh reality

[@phyllismawyer5368]

We were at the beach one summer and I saw a young couple spread out a nice quilt on the beach. It broke my heart! I know how much work went into it, and here it was lying in the sand.

[@beckypetersen2680]

Here's one for you....I have a pile of charity quilts (new) that I was was showing to a lady who was choosing one for each of her children. She asked me when we have picnics outside later in the spring, if they can come to that room and choose some to have picnics on. I said that I had some used ones thad we could use for that. Inwardly I was actually shocked that anyone would ask to use a brand new charity quilt, waiting to be distributed, as a picnic mat. However, if they want to use THEIR new ones as picnic blankets - that is their choice. But not my new ones waiting for a home.

[@karenburns507]

My mother gave my daughter and her new husband a beautiful quilt for their wedding gift. She made it very clear that it was a picnic quilt and they should use it that way. Might be the case with the beach goers.

[@rebeccamulkern1051]

To be fair, I'm a quilter and I have made a quilt for us to be specifically used when we go to the beach, it's a simple, very colourful patchwork with solids and it can withstand the beach even though it's made of cotton. At least that quilt you saw in the beach was being used rather than being forgotten in a cupboard

[@justamags]

I realize quilts take an immense amount of work...my mother has been a tailor for 50+ years and a quilter, and I'm new to the craft myself...but wouldn't you rather it be used? Maybe it was a quilt inherited from a grandmother and used for picnics or beach days. I realize in the comments here and women who participate in quilt shows there is a common viewpoint that quilts should be idolized like a museum piece...but I'd rather have it be used than just shoved in a tote or not touched. Just my .02 no one asked for. 😂

[@anitariley9779]

​@rebeccamulkern1051 I did the same thing. I made one for each of my 3 kids for that very purpose and then took fabrics from each of theirs and created one for me and my husband that hopefully we'll picnic with grandchildren with. We take ours on every family vacation and there's at least one group picture with the quilt every year. Hoping that makes it more of a treasure when we are gone someday. And hoping the kids will use theirs the same way. I'd rather they be used and loved

[@kathrynboseman5249]

I do my best to give quilts where they will be enjoyed and used in some way. I certainly hope any gift I give is loved and appreciated. I never give a gift with a specific expectation beyond that. That goes against the spirit of giving IMO. I had my fun making the gift, how they use it will not change my experience

[@Stacy-y4g]

Ha Ha...the fantasy of giving a quilt. That's EXACTLY what I expect of my recipients! Lol. By golly, you better be buried in that thing! 😂 I've learned to be more discerning who gets handmade gifts. Thankfully, my kids are the most appreciative & that's who I really want to make things for.

[@jeandryja6992]

Whenever I am thinking about making someone a quilt I ask their favorite colors or have them pick 3 or 4 fabrics from my stash. Discovered that my family prefer oversized lap quilts with fleece backing.

[@susanr593]

I made my mom a quilt that cost for Moda fabric and time to make. She used it for the dogs. This was 10 years ago. It still hurts but I just don't let on.

[@Stitcher_in_MD]

My philosophy is about the same as Karl. I enjoy the entire process of quilt making. I would love for everyone to treasure what is given to them, but sometimes it’s the dog or the kitty. Once I gifted a quilt to an elderly single man that worked with me. He told me that he’d never had a quilt and would appreciate having one. Some time after it was gifted, he told me how useful it was because he fed stray cats and put it on his porch so they would have a warm spot to sleep. How sweet is that!!

[@valerieminerd5543]

I made MIL a hand-pieced, hand quilted quilt to match her couch. A year later she told me that she was dog sitting for the neighbor and the dog loved the quilt, so she gave it to it. Last time I made a quilt for anyone either than my daughter or husband.

[@noplacelikehome9116]

I'm giving a quilt to my stepson and his wife this year. I'm very, very nervous about whether it will end up as a dog bed. I made one for his twin brother as well and I know he will treasure and use his. This Christmas has me biting my nails. I only did the one that I worry about to appease my husband. (He owes me big time! Ha ha)

[@jennifergaylor4593]

I made 3 quilts a couple years ago for Christmas gifts. I explicitly told them that I wanted them to be used, and if it needs repair, to let me know. When it is no longer in my possession, it is not my problem anymore.

[@laurah8689]

I love making quilts, but I wouldn't gift them away, unless it was for a pet. My wonderful old dog loved his quilt, and many years later I still have it and it reminds me of him all the time, and other pets have loved his quilt too. And really, a quilt only looks homely if it goes with the colours of the room, and its hard to love something when the very colours repel you. I remember a long time ago my mum made me two cushion covers and they look totally out of place no matter where I put them or what I try to match them with, and though I do use them, I often think why on earth would she make something to her colour and style and give it me. Unfortunately, what colours I find ugly and hard on the eye, she grabs and treasures. But still, its the thought that counts, and I would never throw them away.

[@karengilmore3812]

When someone in our quilt group says they are making a quilt for someone one of us usually asks "Are they quilt worthy?" Our quilts are hand pieced and take more than a year to complete. (English paper pieced).

[@FrugalQueeninFrance]

I ask people if they'd like a quilt, what colours they like, the design and I let them know that it's a tough quilt and that it can be washed and dried easily, finally I say use it, take it to the beach, camping, picnics, garden, give birth on it, make life on it, use it as a shroud, car rug, or keep the dog warm. Great talk today and new subscriber.

[@_Lynaed_]

I gift quilts only to very special people and a I know they apreciate them. But to be on the safe side I always handout a sheet how to wash and take care of it

[@chersolis3961]

I’m making quilts for family members - I tried to involve one person and she looked at all my fabric and didn’t like any of it ( I have a ton of fabric!) then she says she hated purple - and found a tiny scrap of a peacock in purple and said she wanted that ! Told her I didn’t have any more of that fabric and showed her alternatives - then she says what shapes will you use ….. at this point I gave her a table runner ! At that point I decided No quilts for her - as I can’t be micromanaged with my process!

[@ocean_hummer]

I love making quilts for Project Linus or as a fundraiser for a good cause. Otherwise, I don't make quilts as gifts. I personally prefer a plush or fleece blanket to snuggle up in!

[@katherinekubach5738]

So much of this is true. I like to surprise people so I guess if I pick someone who doesn’t appreciate it, that’s on me. I have started to get very picky who I choose .

[@Eekyellie]

My neighbour saw the first quilt I made and asked me to make an identical one for her daughter Sadly, I saw her daughter's face as she unwrapped it!!! A big lesson to me.

[@mike1968442]

That was so SAD TO HEAR, but so True!

[@marleneclausen30]

The one that really hit home is that some people don’t like quilts. That is my ex! He just doesn’t . . . but, lucky me! Closing in on 50 years divorced, we remain friends and I have been the happy and grateful recipient of vintage tops and quilts that ended up with him when elderly relatives died. They usually come my way via my daughter who says this is from (fill in the blank) and Dad thought you would like to have it.

[@Nan-59]

My sister was a quilter. She gave all her kids a quilt. She gave me, her sister, a quilt. All kinds of people quilts throughout the years. Her middle daughter like you say here didn’t exactly appreciate the quilt that her mom made, AND WHEN HER DOG DIED .. he was BURIED wrapped in the QUILT!! 😮 I heard about it years later, from my niece and was QUITE SURPRISED! 😮 I’m sure my sister never learned of it !

[@luannkelly5071]

When my dog died, I buried her in my most beautiful table cloth. To me, it's about love.

[@Heare2Watts]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I needed to hear all of this. It was as if you had listened to my comments and needed to address them. I really felt that my granddaughter didn't care about the two quilts I made for her babies--but then I made an 'I SPY' quilt for them. Her comment to me made my day. "My kids love their quilts you made them better than blankets. If they want to play on the floor, the quilt will lay flat where blankets bunch up. They will have fun with this 'I spy' quilt."

[@Rquilter1962]

I tell people i want them to use and abuse the quilt. When it can't be used for people, then give it to the dog. I have made quilts just for dogs. I don't want to see it on the wall or in a closet. I want to see it used. I have made a lap quilt for my husband only to have the dog claim it. Oh well, i made him another one.

[@_Lynaed_]

When it is used and loved even just for a dog (I looove dogs) I am absolutely ok with that

[@lisanovich3285]

I want quilts used too. When I give a baby quilt I say to use it, let the child drag it around. The highest honor would be if s child wore the thing out because they hauled it everywhere. Does no good sitting on a shelf

[@rebeccamulkern1051]

I'm with you on that one

[@GrrannyH1]

Unless they themselves are quilters, most young people do not know that they shouldn't machine wash and dry a quilt like an old pair of jeans. I was saddened to learn that the hand-sewn appliqued quilts that my MIL had made her great grand kids had been machine washed and dried to death by her granddaughter and the lap quilts that I had made were getting thread bare after 10 years of the same treatment. Now every quilt given has a little gift tag and with instructions on how to care for a quilt IF THEY WANT IT TO LAST. At least it makes me feel better now that I am over the initial shock!!!

[@bettymoonlight6203]

My sister gave me many quilts, she died in 2022, I cherished each and every one every single day.

[@zormier2002]

Yes! I agree. When you give a gift, it is no longer yours. You have no say, no opinion, no nothing about what that person has done, should do, or will do.

[@tmoore1144]

I rarely give anything bigger than a baby quilt away. Too expensive, too much work unless they will love it. And I have had people ask, what do you do with all those quilts? If you have too many, I can take one off your hands! A) I actually use many of my quilts. B) I also have show quilts (local fairs) that have won ribbons. NOT giving those away.

[@rebeccamulkern1051]

@@tmoore1144 haha I get asked this a lot too, “ what do you do with all these quilts?” I reply that I use them all, I frequently change my quilts on our beds , plus I use quilts to decorate snd drape over banisters , I stack them on top of a dresser etc as I love looking at them. I keep them all, unless it’s for my daughter who equally loves quilts and has got two that she chose the design and fabrics. I also get people that are shocked when you tell them how expensive a handmade quilt is, they usually say “ I can get a quilt from a shop for £60 !” I say “ good, off you go and enjoy that quilt “( they’re usually a printed fabric or panel style fabric with minimal quilting on top, no piecing, to go with a bedding collection, nothing wrong with that but totally different to a handmade quilt). It’s true, not everyone is quilt worthy

[@maryschneider5537]

I give the gift and not worry or think about it anymore. It is there's now

[@Marlahanna]

I had a lady give me a puzzle she glued together and put in a frame, after that, I never randomly gave away a quilt without knowing ahead of time if they wanted it.

[@oceanstone8210]

I make what I want. If I want to gift a handmade item I'll pull out my totes of items and let them look through it. If they find something great if not that's okay with me.

[@cindywagner4623]

I used to give wedding quilts. No way he wants them, they want matchy matchy duvets curtains and shams. Not a dumpy homemade item that’s donated next year. Yeah, I’ve seen a couple quilts in the cat bed.

[@M-hc9xm]

I am a knitter and a quilter. I don't understand being offended if you make a quilt for someone and they don't like it. I would hope that if you purchased a gift, you would make sure the person wanted what you buy. A handmade item is no different. Don't be upset with the recipient if they don't like something that you weren't sure they wanted.

[@michellecobb8403]

Great advice. I made quilts for my parents at a time when we thought my mother may not be with us much longer. Thankfully, she is still with us. She has used hers, but my dad has never used his. He said something about it being too nice. I explained to him that I made it to be used! It will survive. Just use it. He still has it packed away. 😢 I can't make him use it, but it still bothers me. Guess I'll get over it eventually. 😊

[@hugg724]

When did quilters become such egotistical snobs? How would you feel if someone didn't "deem" you good enough for them to put any effort into a gift? You would complain even more about that person than a quilt you made and tell everyone how hurt you are. How many gifts have you re-gifted or stuck in a closet? It's ok for you to do it but not them because omg, you made the quilt ? Give me a break 🙄 I have made and gifted many quilts. I donate many quilts too. I enjoy it. I would never tell someone how much I paid for a gift, why would I tell them what I spent on a quilt? To brag? That is pretty self centered. With these attitudes, you should tell people to never give you a gift and you reallly should find a new "hobby".