A Crap Guide to Final Fantasy XIV - Tanks

[@The8BitDrummer]

SWORD AND SHIELD BABAEEEEEEEE!!!

[@zohebshah5539]

Tank beats everything

[@mitchellmackoul5294]

That's a charge blade, not a sword and shield, very different /s

[@june_005]

jarod if you're a drummer does that make you a dual blades main

[@goonbee51]

I've been playing S&S for 7 years now.... Still my absolute favorite class

[@TubeTAG]

Oh hai. Fancy meeting you here. Sword and Board for laif.

[@Larryzaur]

I'M SO HAPPY

[@DeathIsLethal]

Nice pair of lungs ya got there...

[@JoCat]

I'm stealing your job I hope that's okay

[@DjPerryful]

Oh larry you beautiful bastard. Seeing you here its like my seeing my old teacher on tinder. Unexpected, but well accepted

[@EvanFarshadow]

LARRY 😍

[@MurakamiTenshi]

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED

[@AeroViro]

Wait that warrior looks awfully familliar.... Such a fantastic job Jo!!!

[@mrironmustache]

Oh, hai Shen! I hope you’re having a great day :3 So, @Jocat, any chance @Shenpai might cameo in this new series of guides in the future? Also, she’s completely right; phenomenal stuff! I can’t wait for the others :D

[@Teranewone]

He looks absolutely adorable. I wanna give him headpats. Is sneaking in and giving Voxer headpats allowed or will it land me on some sort of list?

[@retroredmour6623]

Every time i see voxer somewhere im happy and question if youre near

[@lanteanboy]

@@mrironmustache technically, they did just cameo..... at least their Gay Son

[@anonj.9440]

I see your pain in each loot roll

[@BlueV205]

0:09 for the people who actually wanted to know what this means: - Static (group) refers to a group of players who only does a particular content with that group only (as in you only do that one raid with that one particular group until you clear it). - FC is an abbreviation for Free Company, the FF14 equivalent of a guild. - Prog is an abbreviation for "progress", as in "progressing through a content". - UWU is an abbreviation for "The Weapon's Refrain (Ultimate)" raid, which is often shortened as "Ultima Weapon (Ultimate)" by the community.

[@nkosiezikalala5267]

Genuinly thought he was just making that up. Thank you

[@lilvpboy]

It's like when Danny and Rusty are discussing the heist at the beginning of Ocean's Eleven.

[@vernelia9495]

I have been playing this game for about 8 years now.. And I did not know that "UWU" actually stood for something, I learned something new today x'D

[@razbuten]

one day I think Jocat is gonna punch me in the face and I am gonna say thank you

[@KnightBlackburn]

Please don't make a "punching for a non-puncher" video containg your wife after that xD

[@DoubleEdgeCat]

Punching Russia's greateat love machine? I could see it.

[@finnmcdonald9666]

Jocat wouldn't punch nobody. Jocrap would absolutely punch a baby tho.

[@rommdan2716]

Jocrap: You're welcome

[@something-from-elsewhere]

Jocat or Jocrap?

[@hugoseabra4161]

And so... A New Era begins!

[@t.b.664]

The Era of Dungeons and Dragons has concluded, now we are on the horizon of the Final Fantasy Era!

[@carlosvaldes5870]

May you ever walk in the light of the Crystal

[@Terry-cx9ok]

Probably not, but let's be hopeful

[@eclipse2915]

"If someone puts down a useful AoE, STOP F-CKING RUNNING AWAY FROM IT" my life is complete thank you so much

[@RengeK]

I feel like im the only tank that will reposition the boss just so i can take part in things like asylum. Probably cause i spend majority of my time playing whitemage and understand the frustration of tanks not seeing a bubble of literal fucking healing less than too steps away from them

[@DeathmaskDuplicant]

"Oh, the Ninja put down a Doton? It's time to go to the other side of the arena."

[@mystfawn8774]

@@DeathmaskDuplicant this is my ninja experience. and it hurts so much.

[@AtelierMcMuttonArt]

@@DeathmaskDuplicant To be fair, Doton looks like a dangerous AoE, so if you don't play Ninja and nobody tells you (Or you never do research), you may never know.

[@craigfunk3453]

Gotta be careful of them peeps who turned all party effects off and not set them to minimal (i.e. they don't want to see those bubbles of extra DPS or healing)

[@AzureKite619]

"The Dark Knight is great for doing your best Guts impression." This hits different now...

[@Ike_of_pyke]

*Guts song intensifies*

[@codycarney2311]

Yep.

[@WiisonicHedgehogGamer]

I am sad I joined that memorial without unlocking Dark Knight. I just stood there as a samurai out of place for an hour or so.

[@hyliandoctor]

The Living Dead description is... Morbidly fitting, too.

[@nippon19]

RIP Miura sensei

[@sparkly9294]

When he does the DPS video it's going to be an hour long but the first 55 minutes are going to be waiting in queue

[@Instagator25]

So true, you can MSQ while in queue, that's what I did 24/7 to get to shadowbringers

[@Instagator25]

@@Lunarice98 Ahh, welcome to the game, and don't worry the story picks up very soon, MSQ means Main Scenario Quest aka the exclamation mark above a NPC's head. If you have any more questions, I'm happy to help.

[@MBOmnis]

The last 5 minutes will be about Dragoons tanking the floor.

[@KBgamer2010]

DPS = Forever wait for tank/healer

[@ArchieGamez]

This is why you friend with a tank or healer main hehe

[@TheeSethCage]

Jo: "Gunbreaker is just 3 DPS in a trenchcoat..." Me: "He's out of line, but he's right."

[@AdamG3691]

Can confirm, my Hrothgar GNB is actually just two lalafell black mages and a moogle samurai stacked on top of each other.

[@arctechfox8306]

As a WHM main dear God is he right

[@zacgarcia9082]

Hmm no wonder i picked it up so fast

[@TheeSethCage]

This is all fair and we'll, but as a Res Mage Main, I am both excited and terrified for what JoCrap says about my class. "Red mages can cast black magic, white magic, do some musketeer shit with a sword, and even back flip to their doom, but that's what they get for being average at doing everything and then trying to show off about being average at doing everything." Or, words to that effect, I'm sure.

[@AdamG3691]

@@TheeSethCage holy shit, a talking defibrillator!

[@Knuckx117]

"Gunbreaker is CALLED a tank but everybody knows it's just three DPS in a trenchcoat" I lost it at that line, good job!

[@TransientWitch]

I specifically lost it at the three dps being two MCH and a SAM...Because it's true and we all know it XD

[@HenshinFanatic]

@@TransientWitch pretty sure it's actually two SAM and one MCH but whatever...

[@TacetCat]

"Three DPS in a trench coat" is the most accurate description of GNB that I've ever heard. They do tons of damage, *take* tons of damage, and have a death wish please stop pressing Superbolide right after I cast Benediction please for the love of Hydaelyn stop.

[@arachineatzeer7478]

As someone who plays SCH I will call a MCH on a GNB if I use all my healing and they Superbolide themselves back to 1

[@redfinale]

GNB is my main tank and ironically, i almost never hit superbolide more so because i never do stuff like savage or extremes so im almost never around that level of "oh shit", so it tends to be my troll button. "hey guys, wanna see a magic trick?" *hp becomes 1* "and just like that, i made my health disappear."

[@kacyroush6293]

GNB is still my favorite tank class because gunblades are my favorite weapon. Why of course I'm using The Revolver and dressed up like Squall what's your point

[@arachineatzeer7478]

At least please stop shooting yourself in the head unless you need to - Most healers, probably

[@gilessaint-loup2426]

When I am using GNB, I literally introduce myself as "Your three DPS in a trench coat."

[@aldiswhylita7150]

When Erozea needed the Sword and Shield the most... HE RETURNS!

[@GaijinGoombah]

My wife appreciates this.

[@DrMDHyde]

As did I.

[@AxxLAfriku]

Don't talk to me! I am famous! Don't dislike my good good GOOD videos! Don't talk to me, dear ga

[@bgreaud]

I also appreciate it as well... 😁

[@DoomRater]

When you're so early to the video that famous KZbinr you recognize only has 4 replies on his comment

[@Johnnyrogers97]

Hey, don’t I know you from Game Theory?

[@Alicia_Highwind]

As a Gunbreaker, I appreciate the "Three DPS in a trench coat" joke. Because god it's so accurate.

[@fenrislokison4569]

💯 % accurate. Gunblade for the win

[@zachgagnon2043]

I was just gonna comment this. Its scary how accurate that is lol

[@Theinfinitewell]

He's out of line but he's right 😅

[@scottm2109]

Damn right it is. I main dps and took up gnb because it was more dps like lol

[@OceanFragments]

KEK

[@speedy22222]

An alternative to having you tank stance turned OFF as the offtank! If you wait 1-2 rotations, THEN turn your tank stance on, you'll (in most cases) end up 1 step behind the main tank in the emnity list! This is very useful for fights that have mechanics where they switch to the second highest in the emnity list, adds you have to offtank, or if the main tank dies. If you accidentally pull Aggro, you can always use shirk on the Main Tank to reset it!

[@Zanyotaku]

Yes, I've been meeting more and more off tanks who genuinely keep their stance off the entire time and its BAD in higher level trials /normal raids with dual tank busters when I suddenly grab one as a DPS. I just had to yell at a DRK in a lvl 90 trial to turn their stance on when I picked up the second tankbuster and they said they learned to keep it off, as if that was a valid argument when dps and healers are getting the tank buster instead of them.

[@MonicAchannel22]

@@Zanyotaku "as if that was a valid argument" As long as the game doesn't straight up tell them that (like how the game never fucking explains what a stack marker is), it's a valid argument, f*cko

[@zhangbill1194]

​@Zanyotaku Counterpoint, it's really funny to see your dps get one shot by a tank buster

[@TheS4KAI]

As a Dark Knight main, I have to brood over how accurate this video is

[@witherswings832]

Same though

[@bjwessels]

As a tank, I can certify that this is the best educational video you could ever want or need to learn how to tank better.

[@erikasakura7721]

not that it's particularly hard to tank better...

[@oligb1469]

JoCat: Tank's are thiccer than the average Disney mom R34 artists: Impossible

[@Tathanic]

OR...

[@HoneydewBeach]

That’s why he said Average

[@wiccamantadhg1965]

You should see the Final Fantasy R34 artists- or not, if you don’t like dummy thicc Hrothgar action...

[@MythrilShotgun]

Disney moms are so down with the Thiccness that the average Disney mom is 6 ft down in the ground.

[@schoolacount2178]

How do you know? Thats kind of Sus.

[@Crystan]

I came expecting a weird parody on how not to tank, instead I get a hilarious but genuine guide on how to tank well. I expect my team's melee will be 'clapping some cheeks' for many years to come.

[@ChristianCTaken]

Welcome to JoCat's channel

[@Isosyth]

As a brand new player who's never really gotten into an MMO before, this guide actually got me to try tanking.

[@OriginalCreatorSama]

new to tanking and yeah this was shockingly helpful!

[@jonasarrer1030]

Therapist: "Birdhead jocat is not real he can't hurt you." Birdhead jocat:

[@EvanFarshadow]

We all know he is a Miqote under that head

[@bubalackgaming8892]

He is now *JoBirb*

[@shadowgarra360]

No... He is now ChocoJo

[@santiagonevarez410]

More like, seduce you am i right gamers?

[@ryanmaclean1720]

Birdcat

[@FrazzleCat]

Plot twist: This is actually a good guide. I wasn't expecting that.

[@johngun4377]

They’re all good guides...

[@drmanhattan8599]

its a good sarcastic video

[@miralotus2727]

This tbh. There's almost always something in these that make me go "Oh dear" (I mean, it IS a crap guide) but like...this is all really solid advice

[@platinummyrr]

@@johngun4377 always have been

[@luminozero]

As a Paladin main, fear of Healers putting out a hit on me is the entire reason for Hallowed Ground's existence.

[@serenteaudios1737]

True but i swapped to DRK so im just kinda accepting it now i guess-

[@angelacatalena5716]

I live this. I'm paladin main as well. Our healer is also our FC leader ...and my oldest child. Ever have to sit through a very angry dinner because you accidentally hit the button next to hollowed ground on an Eden raid while the boss was at 1% and the only one left alive was the healer who immediately ate a tank buster to the face? Yeah. Not fun times.

[@mosley3485]

@@angelacatalena5716 Oh no. :D

[@balladsnowfox7714]

As a Gunbreaker I just exist to take the healers hate from the other tanks

[@trumps_toupee]

Didn't think I'd be watching a Dragoon slapping Bahamut's dumpy today, but here we are.

[@JaelinBezel]

Bahamit is strong, that’s how he upgrades the party into their final forms.

[@Restilia_ch]

@@JaelinBezel I see your Final Fantasy I reference!

[@scottwagner2566]

I laughed way more than I should have at “Punk, Grunge, Metal, and Christian Rock”.

[@GenerationHollow]

Brilliant, brilliant video

[@killmethennnow]

When u trolling threw a comment section and start seeing youtubers u have loved and followed for years

[@sephirian688]

What are you doing? Teo and Daora are in need of farming and we finally got regular hunt apexes man and let’s face it Josh might need your help with Teo lol This is entirely sarcasm btw, though I imagine Josh’s resentment GS does tend to melt against Teo.

[@vijayanand6650]

Holy shit! Didn't expect to see Hollow here!

[@Rupert3434]

Tank: * turns boss away from party * Melee DPS: * cheek clapping intensifies *

[@Arylwren1]

clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

[@Ranulfdatank]

Clap so hard it becomes applause!

[@nafslee]

Tank is best wing man

[@Hawwwlucha]

one day I'll say in the chat "start clapping those cheeks, melee dps" as soon as I turn the boss away

[@michaelcrawford4502]

"Three DPS in a trenchcoat." *dead* PLEEEEEEEASE make more of these.

[@nippon19]

that part killed me LMAO

[@HayTatsuko]

Three DPS in a trenchcoat, and a potential heart-attack for your healer(s) with Superbuttclench engaged.

[@RealNigga0190]

it's true. GNB is just a dps with more than average health.

[@meelee412]

just alot of dps , with tanking on the side

[@sidereon9793]

"You press it and then it makes you DIE" I have never laughed so hard at an explanation of Living Dead

[@AusFirewing]

He's absolutely not wrong.

[@craigfunk3453]

@@AusFirewing not like the same can't happen with poorly timed Supers from a gunbreaker

[@katarh]

@@craigfunk3453 But if you bolide badly, you're dead for good. If you LD and you have a healer with a pulse, you're only mostly dead and they get a second chance to save your ass before 10 seconds pass.

[@ianlindstrom2019]

@Brett Bates In savage/ultimate stuff at least there's no such thing as an 'emergency' button. Every invuln use is planned, as is the ability the healer will use to cover it for DRK/GNB. (WAR prob doesn't need any help, and PLD def doesn't.) There's no accounting for the headless chickens in PF though. LD's problem is strictly that even planning for it, it's hard to cover without WHM's benediction, at which point it becomes trivial, so it feels a bit restrictive in terms of composition.

[@anexplosion5436]

When the boss of seat of sacrifice (no spoilers please anyone thank you) weaponizes living dead against the party, that kind of says more about living dead than anything else.

[@BM03]

I thought JoCat was afraid to be pigeonholed to the JoCrap Guides after the (well deserved) massive success of the MH series, but then he goes and improves upon it in every way possible from the comedy to the presentation to the useful practical tips. Man. He made me wanna resub after nearly a year, even. Goddamn what talent.

[@theblite32]

"Tanks are thicker than your average Disney Mom." Watching this first thing in the morning and I just spit out my coffee laughing...Thanks Jocat

[@TiamosLoren]

The thing about DRK being a Guts impression is all the more prevalent with recent news and support from the FFXIV community.

[@adas2051]

@Dalmaron The First did you hear about miura?

[@Zoten001]

Had a feeling JoCat's favorite class was going to be Paladin. EDIT: Pretty sure this is my most liked comment on the site.

[@oh7mak]

Nothing feels better than being a Paladin that doubles as the dedicated healer while still solo tanking cuz you're just that GOOD. Also my healers don't know how to avoid AOEs.

[@besaidknight]

SWORD 'N SHIELD!!! XD

[@darwinxavier3516]

Him and Blue from OSP are like soulmates.

[@brownbelpois]

Wait a minute what the hell is that noise? DEUS VULT DEUS VULT DEUS VULT DEUS VULT DEUS VULT DEUS VULT

[@Voicelet]

"Press X to not die button." Hey how did you know I mapped my Holmgang to X.

[@BloodLegaZ]

I think he is referring to controller..

[@nicolinrucker5181]

X is a math variable, so it tends to be to go to "I have no idea what this button is, so press X"

[@AarPlays]

Same lol

[@shadowgarra360]

@@BloodLegaZ I think Voicelet is also referring to controller Also you can map your skills as you want on controller too in case that wasn't obvious. My superbolide is on R2L2down or something like that

[@calvintrouy2672]

Pretty sure its (another) reference to zero punctuation. He uses that phrase to talk about quick-time events

[@unironicallylikesranger7122]

Jocrap here to learn us another thing. There is no better teacher, they could never defeat our wiggly educator in single combat

[@obsidianbeast6308]

Ya could but then he’d insta revive himself with the holy power of sword and shield

[@binguslover391]

This video manages to hit a really great balance between being genuinely really useful tanking advice and also very funny. Long time tank main in X|V and this is probably the best beginner tanking video i've ever watched

[@lechking941]

also helps me realise JUST were i need to dance my ass :P in space of healer but keeping thoes cheeks to team

[@OraDubStronzate2]

JoCat quoting John Mulaney... i'm in tears of joy

[@ginilollo2884]

Now i hope that you will dub this because i'm very bad in listen thing in english

[@Valery0p5]

Buonaseeera

[@idk8912]

Wela Orion

[@gamara204]

when?

[@gamara204]

nevermind

[@sadiemcc9363]

I have no intention to play Final Fantasy XIV but I have the full intention of watching this entire series.

[@simoneval2619]

how doesn't?

[@Taladays37]

Try it, the story is good and you can play it both casually and hardcore aswell and their is a class for basically every kind of playstyle/archetype while still being able to level all the classes on one character. I also believe its free up until stormblood anyway which is a lot of content including heavensward which is considered by most the 2nd best exp so far.

[@Jedda678]

It's free up to level 60 and you get to go through the base game and 1 expansion, go for it.

[@Dewkeeper]

@@Taladays37 I mean, it's still an mmo, it's a time commitment even if you play casually. Some ppl just aren't into that and that's fine... All the rest of you though, play!!!

[@shimitty]

Amen

[@thesparrow1116]

Me: Picks up a new interest Jocat 2 months later: Hey you want 100 episodes of content for your new hyperfixation

[@lucaspeixoto975]

I started playing FFXIV this month and was literally thinking of choosing a tank class/job to learn when I saw this video, Jocat knows exactly when to upload them videos

[@Giomitiko]

It's one hell of a coincidence but i genuinely finished the free trial download for ffxiv this very morning hahah

[@everfire6002]

Imagine being a White Mage, and being forced to draw Aggro from the boss when the Tank fails to use a proper rotation, YET YOU AS THE WHITE MAGE SURVIVE OUT OF SHEER SPITE, AND TANK THE REST OF THE CONFLICT.

[@craigfunk3453]

Sounds like a bozja/zadnor experience gone wrong

[@everfire6002]

@@craigfunk3453 Sometimes... that's just how it is.

[@Deathbytroll]

I've done something similar to this

[@ang3lsonline]

*blinds the screen with holy*

[@InsanityReborn]

I've had to tank the last ~15% of Deathgaze on my AST. Our tank was the only one with a stance and it literally just became not worth the MP getting him up again. I had so much goddamn heal aggro at that point the boss wasn't going anywhere. And yes, the other 22 people weren't pulling off me for shit. It was... definitely *an experience* of a Dun Scaith run...

[@TimeBucks]

Sammie and Voxer are in the same video

[@Arcadio89]

Who are those?

[@gameridiotNOT]

@@hosen_F Begone, *B O T*

[@soltymc172]

Ok so my brain was right it is Voxer 😆

[@victormartinez4928]

@@Arcadio89 Voxer is Shenpais FF14 character.

[@Arcadio89]

@@victormartinez4928 And Sammie?

[@Konpekikaminari]

"3 DPS in a trenchcoat" I... why... This is the most accurate description of GNB I've ever heard

[@monkishogun5394]

It's why I dislike Gunbreaker so much

[@KylenPhylar]

I mean, given GNB is the DPS's tank...

[@Konpekikaminari]

@@KylenPhylar and we do use trenchcoats often

[@fenrislokison4569]

It's why I LOVE Gunbreaker so much. Definitely a Fun tank lol

[@someclevername8167]

The Gnashing Fang combo string is quite possibly the most satisfying combo string in the game. One of my fave classes by far

[@TheLivingOdyssey]

MMO tanking in a nutshell. The fact that I understood every single detail of this despite never playing the game is hilarious

[@VashdaCrash]

I was thinking the same thing and I haven't played Wow since forever.

[@idminister]

as someone who does play, and has all jobs at current lvl cap. That wasn't a "crap guide," that was actually a pretty good short guide. The only missing bits being the lack of mention that tanks like all other dps have dps burst windows, and dark knight gets to rip their heart out of their chest throw it into the ground and have a shadow rise up and start attacking for a bit. Also gunblade's invuln is works than dark's...as it reduces hp to 1, so sometimes those tanks do more damage to themselves than enemies.....

[@CorbenikClay]

@@idminister disagreed on that notion. While GNB’s invulnerability skill does bring them down to 1 hp, they won’t die for 8 seconds which is more than enough time for a healer to bring it back up. If a DRK’s invulnerability is triggered and they don’t get healed to full, they die anyway regardless of why their health is like. Of course in both scenarios a good healer will make sure that does not happen but I’d still take Superbolide over Walking Dead.

[@IsilmeTuruphant]

@@CorbenikClay Yeah, as someone who has levelled all the tanking classes, Superbolide being better than Living Dead is a no brainer. With SuperBulletInBrain, the healer has to heal you up, but is not forced to heal you to 100%, meaning they can get you to 75%, do something else, and not be forced to overheal (Gunbreakers aren't such wusses that they can't walk off a little dain brammage). Also GNB has a self-regen that takes some of the load off, as long as the healer can get them out of the danger zone. With Living Don't Dead Open Inside, the healer is *guaranteed* to have to waste mana that they probably can't afford to (because you're in a situation where the tank had to Invuln) That said, Blackest Night is so good it more than makes up for it.

[@hosen_F]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bJPJpZR5mNt5btU 🎨

[@ReaverPrime]

"Thicker than your average Disney mom." Laughed so hard, it gave me a migraine and I peed a little. Top shelf, lad.

[@fraidnaught9067]

"Thicker than the average Disney Mom" Onward Mom, Helen Parr shown twice, Aunt Cass ...a dream is a wish your heart makes.

[@JamesTheTurnbull]

i've never seen Onward. Had to look it up. I'm glad they're still keeping trend of thicc Disney Pixar Moms

[@RememberJudas314]

Helen Parr is too thicc to only be shown once.

[@Borderose]

You made me snort.

[@kyttynkross1121]

I mean, she did get two movies, so its only fair i guess?

[@Evertide05]

Heh, yeah, my "heart."

[@raxmeloc]

"Overall you have 4 flavors to choose from: Punk, Grunge, Metal and Christian Rock!" This line killed me cause I'm an OmniTank, with DRK Bias, and that is 100% my music taste!

[@mrkibitzer8139]

Why are MY thoughts coming out of YOUR mouth? I'm literally the exact same way, although lately my bias has been slightly shifting to GNB.

[@ryanweible9090]

my five iron frenzy paladin.

[@drewhughes2220]

"tanks are thicker than your average Disney mom" truer words have never been spoken 🤣

[@Kairamek]

Where does that fall on the thickness chart? Higher than oatmeal but lower than he faux-thickness of Zeno's armor?

[@SeaIbass]

Woah there that's pretty thicc

[@seigwardofcatarina5776]

@@Kairamek I’d rate it around fridge cold Blackstrap Molasses levels.

[@krekkaking]

@@seigwardofcatarina5776 so thick enough to mistake for the density of molten lava

[@tonytins]

And the award for best statement of the year goes to. XD

[@ais7428]

I started playing a couple days ago and picked up gladiator. I was thinking to myself; 'I bet that guy who did those monster hunter weapon guides would approve'

[@ikeekieeki]

"punk, grunge, metal, and christian rock" - brutal

[@coffeeavenger]

He speaks the truth tho.

[@TenshizakiN008]

I'm confused, there was so little satire and so many good pieces of advice. I feel... Energized.

[@johngun4377]

Wrong, it was a healthy mix of both

[@KatlamosQuickdraw]

The fucking kazoo rendition of the theme song I can't- xD

[@namelesslad5803]

I'm trying to find the name of that song lol. Sounds so familiar

[@KatlamosQuickdraw]

@@namelesslad5803 I mean, it's just Prologue, the main theme of the Final Fantasy franchise, but in kazoo format.

[@shirecchia5630]

As a healer main I cannot tell you the rage I feel when the tank doesn't pull and I pull the agro from him and have to run around as a hot popoto

[@speechless05]

as a DPS I end up doing that a lot when they try to do big pulls but they're not constantly doing damage or pulling mobs. When they finally stop I usually just run past them a couple of times hoping one of their AOEs hit the mobs trailing me.....usually only gotta run through once or twice to get everything off of me

[@knighttemplaroftentacult7123]

Hey, as omnitank in FF14, I'm actually surprised. This WAS an actual guide with jokes in it, instead of joke with a guide somewhere inside xD Good job! Loving it.

[@KylenPhylar]

It's never a 'great' guide, but hotddamn do the Crap Guides make for solid 'here's some fuggin basics wrapped in comedy' guides.

[@archevenault]

2:58 PETITION FOR HIM TO COVER THE ENTIRE THING

[@dropofsilver]

What song is this? Sounds familiar.

[@TheSilversepiroth]

It doesn't sound familiar but I too would like to know the song

[@nakrissa]

Return to Oblivion aka Refulgence theme

[@RengeK]

@@dropofsilver its return to oblivion if I remember correctly. Might have been the e8 phase 1 theme which i cant remember the name of. Either way its from e8 and e8s which is the only fight to trigger my ptsd and i have cleared TEA and done a decent chunk of UWU

[@archevenault]

@@RengeK light rampant and "LB3 PLS"

[@sadvec6328]

A Crap Guide to DnD: My story is over... but the journey continues

[@jeffreylivermore1048]

That's what I thought when he finished his MonHun World videos and started the DnD ones. Dude just keeps putting out content for all my favorite hobbies. He just need Crap guide to Warhammer and more Pokémon Let's Plays and I'm complete.

[@henryposey6479]

Man, that Guts reference is really hitting me hard today on a rewatch of this otherwise hilarious video... RIP Miura

[@serenteaudios1737]

there was an in game community memorial for Miura in Ul'dah on crystal at least. a lot of drks standing vigil in a line with little campfires at their feet.

[@alexandrakaras770]

@@serenteaudios1737 not only on crystal. Lich (EU) Had something similar, and I found other servers doing that as well via Twitter

[@serenteaudios1737]

@@alexandrakaras770 i see. it's cool seeing a community come together like that.. i havent really heard about it since the WoW community at Reckful's death last year

[@alexandrakaras770]

@@serenteaudios1737 i was a little confused at first. I just heard about his passing from a friend who was a huge Berserk fan..... About an hour after i found news of it everywhere on twitter and since we were just talkig about FFXIV, i needed to show them since they didn't play themselves.... They literally started to almost cry on the spot... So yes, I really love such kind communities, especially if they are like this all over the world...

[@serenteaudios1737]

@@alexandrakaras770 i know the feeling. it's why im falling more and more in love with FFXIV

[@ginsu85]

Throw this into the category of "things you never knew you needed in your life."

[@SlashHildy]

Oh no. I absolutely knew I needed this since Jo did that short play of Hit MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV Online, now with a free trial up to Level 60 through the Heavensward Expansion. I'm lad the crap guides have come to eorzea

[@AmariPrime]

Last time I was this early, there were enough polygons on plants in XIV To crash a high-spec computer.

[@LilDruid]

That flower pot was more detailed than my Hyur's face.

[@wing0link]

Ah, nightmares

[@mist666999]

big oof

[@dylanbeauchamp9505]

"Get that sword and shield babyyy." Has to be the official JoCrap pick up like.

[@GeekBearReporter]

" Punk, Grunge, Metal and Christian Rock, lol!" As a former Tank in 14 I can absolutely appreciate this funny and wholesome video

[@Tw15tedMynd]

“Tanks are Thiccer than the average Disney Mom.” That line had me DEAD 💀 😂🤣

[@ShandorDavies]

I was literally coming into the comments to say these exact words friend 😂

[@soupmug]

Me, who has never played ff14: ah yes I understand mhm yes gotcha

[@Dewkeeper]

That can be solved >:D

[@nyx0103]

you can play it for free for the first 30 levels or so I think. After that its a subscription-based game I am fairly certain. I know someone who plays it, I tried it myself and didn't got hooked in, in the long term.

[@benebediktas]

@@nyx0103 First 60 levels actually. They upped the free trial to include all of heavensward

[@BlazingAzureTheta]

You should try the critically acclaimed mmo rpg Final Fantasy XIV., now with a free trial that extends to level 60 and includes the first expansion Heavensward.

[@jackbordar2727]

@@nyx0103 lvl 60, so heavensward included

[@StudioYami]

It makes me super sad you're doing this role by role and not class by class. Cause this is wonderful.

[@craigfunk3453]

I'm ready for a sudden change in personality for BLU like sir gamestein. Love Drak's Blue mage style

[@guibin]

He might not want a repeat of the D&D crap guides as he got pretty burnt out by those, but who knows, he might get a sudden burst of inspiration and do it anyways.

[@MBOmnis]

Class by class would have too much overlap and the tank videos would be way too similar, for example.

[@NuclearRaven13]

Dps might have separate class that are more different.

[@MiraPacku]

"deceptively informative" - Asmongold 2021

[@Reign274]

Did he react to this? I want to see it :-(

[@ParticleBomb]

@@Reign274 kzbin.info/www/bejne/jX22p6uLlKlkbLs

[@Hclegend]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/jX22p6uLlKlkbLs for reference, about 2/3s in

[@Vestraki]

I fucking died after "Since they cant handle the Puss Pounding Patty Cake with the boss". Thats some good shit.

[@josiahtasich6073]

What makes this even more funny for me; is the fact that there is a boss in WoW Retail (Shadowlands), that actually does play patty cake with the tank. that you have to silence, or else it disorients you and deals massive damage.

[@edelweissgaming4828]

Paladin gets sword and shield: all you need to know

[@adamboyd1132]

Yeah, way to bury the lead there

[@joshwilson9981]

As a vet of tanking and stuff, I appreciate the "shiny asscheecks towards the party" and "don't move" comments. Hilarious and very accurate.

[@arachnofiend2859]

As a Monk main I also appreciate this

[@EchoGillette]

OHHELLYEAH

[@keith5325]

Sword and shield BAAAABBYYYY!!!! oh that gets me everytime

[@GoldenXShark22]

oh god, I'm a tank main. let's see how this goes. edit: OK this is actually good, bless your soul jocat. making guides for everything I play.

[@zenmanlovesgames9906]

Hearing the Final Fantasy Theme on Kazoo is definitely a shock to the system. Amazing Work Jo!

[@bcrx5780]

I don't even play this game, but here I am, eating chips, reveling myself with a fine dose of gaming and sarcasm.

[@AyasuVT]

SUCH INSTRUCTION. THIS WAS YOUR INTENTION. I'm so happy this exists. XD

[@77dinokid]

"Someone who needs their short queue privileges revoked." Oh so FFXIV has that too.

[@the-other-guy8991]

Tanks are always in short supply. Star Wars The Old Republic has a role in need mechanic in its group queue that gives small rewards you for being that role. So I'm graced with short queues AND extra loot.

[@BSRaven]

@@the-other-guy8991 Yeah FF14 is like that for the 'Roulette' (random dungeon in a set category) options. Also lets you punch multiple Roulettes as long as you're still 'In Need' since you don't normally get extra rewards after your first one of a day.

[@CptMuttonchops]

In my server healers seem to be in shorter supply. However you can just swap out classes like you can swap out dirty underwear so you don't need to re-run the entire game again with a different character if you want to switch roles.

[@Chris-iv8sb]

There is a "Adventurer in Need" thing that indicates what jobs will have the shortest queue time for certain dailys to run, atleast that's how i understood it; except for me, when it sais tanks needed, i get instapops as healer, and when it sais healer, i get instapops as tank. Luckily i am proficient with both ;) so i just adapt

[@AlibifortheAfterlife]

Unless a new class in either role (more so for tank) was recently released, yes. Not many people like responsibility and accountability lol.

[@SilverlonewolfX]

1:40 that poor Dragoon trying to chase that ass cracks me up. XD

[@flavioromano8754]

"That ass crack" you mean

[@GaugedHonor]

Never have I needed something so much without knowing it until I received it. We absolutely need more of these for the other roles, as well as the different classes. This is the greatest comedy that explains shit perfectly. Please more.

[@philipjaques1653]

Had a stressful day at work, a shit time with my ex and I come home to this... Literally cried with happiness.

[@DjPerryful]

I got chills when i heard shiva theme. Light rampant still haunts me to this day

[@jijonbreaker]

Icelit dragonsong. Wyrm's Lament. Suffer.

[@Micky96]

PING....PINGPINGPINGWOOSHPING

[@dragonbretheren]

>chills I see what you did there.

[@Inhaledcorn]

@@Micky96 My anxiety just shot through the roof, thank you.

[@garlikkt6028]

I love how the text shows up when the in game jocrap is talking. Production value!

[@sambutler953]

KZbinrs found in the comments: Shenpai (expected) Gaijin Goombah (on Aki’s behalf, okay) The8BitDrummer...? Jerod, what are you doing here?!

[@Sarione]

and Larryzaur, that would be expected to.

[@o98z]

@@Sarione now also razbuten

[@june_005]

As a WHM main, I'm very excited for this man to yell about healers.

[@AninOnin]

I hope he makes one for healers too!

[@Cecebean22]

Me looking at the chibi sprites and realizes that the other tank is Voxer: WAIT A MINUTE-

[@ThunderChanter]

"You press it and Y O U D I E" life story

[@OwinBlazer]

So 5 months later and a lot of ffxiv clips, "Find Static in your FC to prog UWU" basically means to find a regular party(static) in your guild(FC) to farm(prog) the specific "end" game raid Ultima Weapon: Ultimate.(UWU) I hope this info finds its way to whomever was wondering

[@Kakamage]

As someone who hasn't even logged in to make my character yet, thank you!!

[@VanNessy97]

I was told it's "finding a dedicated team in your Free Company to progress through the Ultima Weapon Ultimate boss fight"

[@CyColt]

@@VanNessy97 what you were told and the original comment are the same knowledge with different wording.

[@Cellsplitter]

The sound of a Fell Cleave is what sustains me.

[@earthboundian4871]

I like that the healer's phone at 2:35 is just an Allagan Tomestone of Poetics.

[@RussanoGreenstripe]

@Maeyria There's an emote you can get called /tomestone where you whip out a tomestone and start browsing on it like a phone. Then there's the Motherbit boss which looks like a giant tomestone flash drive.

[@hambor12]

@Maeyria I think it's established that Tomestones are basically smartphones, but the ones we trade in are like ancient cellphones that also only have exactly one webpage on there and that's all you can access and do on it

[@coffeeavenger]

@@hambor12 They're basically Allagan flash drives, which means that at some point we'll get the Allagan Tomestones of Cat Pictures and the Allagan Tomestones of Porn.

[@Drasvin]

Yeah. The tomestones are supposed to be ancient allagan smartphones/tablets/flashdrives and the type of tomestone tells you what is stored on them. So tomestones of poetics are full of poems. I've joked with people that the irregular tomestones that moogles want are full of ancient allagan memes.

[@jttownsend3576]

"clap them cheeks" 🤣..as a DPS player, I can now no longer think of it any other way.

[@crystalgoddess4085]

It can be taken quite literally with MNK too.

[@saltissalty3833]

This guide actually helped me when I started playing the game 2 days ago.

[@MrBirdMonkey]

Jocat: *does a thing* Internet: more... More...MOAR...MOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRR

[@troperhghar9898]

2:39 "thicker then the average disney mom" Hey jocat that's not fair... Two of those are the same mom

[@ttd0000]

And one's an aunt.

[@troperhghar9898]

@@ttd0000 cass is kind of a foster mom if that counts

[@MayHugger]

That's how thicc she is.

[@elementalgamer0732]

I thought Pixar had the thick moms?

[@MayHugger]

@@elementalgamer0732 *thicc

[@darthdragon117]

You forgot the most important tank, the Dragoon! That floor won’t tank itself.

[@GreigerBDragon]

Hark is that a floor I see down there? Don't worry team I got this! (Elusive Jumps off the Titan platform)

[@kalebdavis7080]

Slightly unrelated, but one time, on the one boss that can just straight up summon a behemoth, we had one dragoon who just kept charging at the boss. Cue Behemoth doing the thing Behemoth does, and everyone goes and stands behind the comet. Everyone, except for the dragoon. The healer let him stay dead after that.

[@ginilollo2884]

@@kalebdavis7080 the healer was the only one that know about the love story between the dragoon and the floor

[@mon-6166]

this joke has been ran into the ground

[@andrewichigo]

All jokes aside, as a DRG, when my tank goes down, I know for sure I'm the only one with a shot at somewhat surviving until they rez him. Good luck to all you bitches and your leather and cloth armors.

[@GameN3rd]

This is the video that got me to play FFXIV right before Endwalker, and I can confidently say, a year later, I now know what it means to find a static in your FC to prog UwU. Thank you. The game has been a blast, and the friends I've made have been amazing!

[@SkynetSpider]

Jo had to go extra and add text reflection into the water and I love it.

[@raikiri000]

Not gonna lie, you singing Return to Oblivion made me laugh loud

[@akkiko]

Beautifully in tune. Exquisite I daresay.

[@MikhaNoodle]

Actually, when tanking dungeons, running back and forth a bit is good. It helps stack the enemies together a bit better for better aoes, and it slightly delays enemy attacks because they turn around. Especially if they were casting something. Obviously don't do it so much that it pisses off your party. I'm talking small, deliberate movements.

[@noahwhite2929]

First off: Static Shock reference, nice, cultured. Secondly: Every time one of these pops up, I go, " I miss these" every time, and I love that feeling. Good shit, good humor

[@mario.alarcon]

1:32 you're welcome, the most satisfying sound you will hear today

[@Dragonian05]

“Three DPS in a trench coat” LMAO!

[@sarosp9330]

It's the return of the King!