a guy with quiet BPD (chronic self isolation, emptiness, and more!)

{TW for mentions of self harm and eating disorders}
These are some of my experiences with BPD (it's half an hour long and yet this is just the tip of the iceberg). Do you have quiet BPD or are a guy with BPD like me? Wanna yell at me about the shitty quality of the video? Got questions? Write a comment below, and you might just get some validation from a random stranger on the internet~
Let me know if you'd like to see videos about topics like "What does 'recovery isn't linear' mean?" "What's with the stigma surrounding BPD?" "Impostor syndrome and hypochondria" or if you'd like to unlock that Tragic Childhood story of mine ;)

[@e.walker2291]

Hi Oliver! I hope you are well, this video did pop up as a recommended video for me due to my previous searches about BPD. I don't ever leave comments on videos because I don't feel like I have anything important to say, but I did just want to say thank you for sharing your experiences with quiet BPD. I have never really related to someone else's feelings / experiences before, so I just wanted to say hope you are doing well and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing how BPD affects you, ot has really helped me :-)

[@Alanamoss808]

Thank you for being so brave and raw with your struggles, reminding us that we're not alone

[@carolinequinn8178]

I relate to every single word you said. Having BPD is really lonely, but we aren't alone.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

Bpd is cptsd av all rapped in one

[@carolinequinn8178]

@@im_saved_by_grace literally...

[@im_saved_by_grace]

@@carolinequinn8178 🤗🌸

[@ShirouNiichan]

i was diagnosed roughly two years ago and i feel like if i have it, its the quiet subtype. i do have friends (they are legit all unstable aswell) but i tend to self isolate and self medicate. i really feel for you and can relate to a lot of your struggles. also you seem like a very lovely person. hope you will get better

[@xalgiadotcom]

Hey you’re nice and i think you can totally get back on track keep going :)

[@jazmin6031]

Hi Oliver! You are so brave. I also have quiet bpd. It makes life a quiet rollercoaster 🎢

[@detheater128]

I have to say on the topic of bpd happiness vs mania, I don’t know that I have bpd bc I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I wake up feeling good.. I feel fucking bulletproof. I feel like I can do anything, but I only feel that way for a short while. A full day tops. I usually just clean my apartment and do laundry, but when I feel good, I feel that if I were to jumped off a building, I could fly. Not literally. I know that wouldn’t happen, but with the emotional intensity of bpd I feel like that. I’ve been trying to get into therapy for months. I was worried about you when I saw your channel bc you uploaded this a year ago. I’m glad to see that you uploaded a couple weeks ago. I hope you keep making videos. Even if that’s not what I will be diagnosed with, there is such a stigma around bpd. It’s such a heterogeneous disorder. So many clinicians on KZbin focus on the criteria and they don’t talk about how different people relate to that criteria.

[@_.9809]

Honestly thank you for sharing. I'm having a real hard time validating my quiet bpd. The second I'm not constantly in crisis then I'm like 'am I even mentally ill?' Plus not being as symptomatic rn, because I'm self-isolating makes me feel like a fraud but at the same time rationally once I'm around people I'm too ill to stay in school. Listening to you and your experiences and being able to relate is validating that I am actually struggling and I'm not actually living. Thank you and I hope things are going better for you rn, wishing you the best x

[@jesssands5349]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My love has BPD and I am trying to learn to better support him. He pushes me away all of the time, just when we are getting closer. I am never angry at him. I know these are episodes he goes through. I want to be there for him, but he tries to protect me from it. Please take care.

[@VokunSiigonis]

I think for some of us with BPD we have fear of abandonnement but it can show up differently. Like what you said about keeping in touch with friends.... I have friends with busy lives who enjoy being with me but they don't necessarily think about contacting me first so I go "oh so if they don't contact me first it must mean I'm not important to them" but that's the BPD lens having me think I'm not good enough or that they have "better friends" or more interesting people to hang out with or whatever when people just has other things going on and it actually doesnt necessarily mean anything that they don't think about contacting me. BPD lens is a big big liar. I have to learn to manage emotions and the hows and why my brain reacts the way it does and (hopefully someday) get rid of my BPD on my own because I don't live somewhere where therapy is accessible and I'd reaaaally recommend looking up Dr. Daniel Fox 's youtube channel, it's been helping me sooo much.

[@olivertalks121]

I've been following his and Kati Morton's channel for several years, it's good that you're aware of cognitive distortions. :)

[@VokunSiigonis]

@@olivertalks121 Still trying to recognise them and not act on them even though I am aware they exist. I wouldn't even know if it wasn't for youtube. Knowledge is such a powerful thing. We can beat this :)

[@im_saved_by_grace]

Where do you live bpd cptsd av all are lifelong DISABILITY there's assistance for illness ssdi eligible

[@mrss_foster]

You know, people make us feel bad because we have such deep emotions at first meeting somebody but truth is it can be beautiful because a lot of people don't experience this spectrum of emotions and will never understand. Unfortunately, these emotions hurt us especially BECAUSE we are misunderstood. Thank you for sharing. 🧡🤗 I also have quiet BPD and nobody believes me... Also was thinking of sharing this with the public, but I am so afraid of what people will think. We need to normalize the subject of 'I have a mental illness' and I'm glad you're doing this. Edit: I wanted to write let's be friends, but I feel like that would hurt us both. So I just hope my comment find a path trough your beautiful mind :)

[@im_saved_by_grace]

Don't BE SO HARD on yourself bpd is a neurological DISABILITY there's ssdi assistance for this illness that's lifelong an needs love an care an UNDERSTOOD it's an aquired taste an not for everyone especially if they are NOT good for bpd people whom are loving loyal intelligent sensitive beings ✨

[@pamhunter8834]

So brave!! Good for you to let us in and share your feelings. Also a quiet BPD... very similar symptoms. Youre (we) not alone. Stand strong. Keep things light in your head, or better still get out of it. ❤️❤️🇨🇦

[@Muesluem4Bundesrat]

PS: It is in my youtube algorithm ;-)

[@yourhypnotic4539]

Mine too your awesome

[@theafterparty726]

mine too!! 💖

[@cristome534]

you're a cool person in my eyes. thanks for this video oliver

[@aricc8184]

Thank you.... Really. You just saved me from my episode, such a relief to hear somebody pointed out the feelings that I would never be able to describe, I'm still crying but I felt much much better already, thank you.

[@goobletoops337]

I did get this on the algorithm and thank you for sharing. I don't hear a lot about quiet BPD but I can be both quiet and not quiet at times.

[@zoey8616]

Oliver, you’ve articulated yourself so well in this video, this has helped me sooo much to figure out my quite bpd, I struggle to put how I feel into words.. you nailed this perfectly, you have a great self awareness that could really help you and others.. I’m so glad you’re video appeared on my feed.. I really hope your well and are taking care of yourself.. Much Love to you Oliver ♥️

[@rc8764]

Great job Oliver!! I got this on the algorithms.

[@jesspixie589]

You seem like a top guy.I appreciaye your perspective on your illness and you articulate it pretty well, which is something that can be done in the calm moments.Right now I'm learning about the overlap between ADHD and BPD.G;ad your new theraqpost is more helpful xx

[@Wenkiti]

I really hope you're doing good brother,I appreciate your strength and I'm inspired, keep pushing forward 💪🏾

[@mercy3219]

Keep working on things -- your honesty and willingness to discuss BPD is impressive! I'm not sure if I would have the courage to do a youtube video like this, or any youtube.... Also, your video did come up in my feed!

[@b.a.7270]

Oliver, thank you so so much for your bravery and sharing your story! I hope you find a therapist that is non- judgemental and that refuses to give up! Keep your head up! Keep shining and sharing! 💛

[@yasmimahh]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Oliver! I’ve been recently diagnosed and it’s so overwhelming but it sure helps to find people to relate to! Even if it’s relating to not so pleasing things 😪 I hope you’re doing good these days! I’d love to chat up with you if you have the mental space for it! Stay safe 💛

[@serenity2295]

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy is very beneficial to helping one who suffers from BPD. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@gardenpersonified12]

Thank you for this video! It was actually in my recommended, but I did watch videos about the quiet BPD (as I think I have it as well). I wish you all the best!

[@SanchoGracie]

You are very brave. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you were diagnosed so young. I was recently diagnosed at 41. Put in the work, you have the opportunity for a bright, fulfilling future ahead of you.

[@xCeCe11x]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are reaching so many of us and most likely at a time we need it most.

[@user-he7ox8hg1o]

I hope youre doing well oliver!thank you for sharing

[@elizaday6654]

Thank you for sharing🙂your self awareness does you credit. I hope things work out for you.

[@voitmusic]

I can relate to much of what you said. When I was young I did not have the insight you have. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@jesseskellington9427]

Just a heads up it showed up in my search KZbin areas offerings about BPD. You're doing something right :-)

[@olivertalks121]

haha awesome! that seems to be where most people are finding the video :)

[@ItsJustNery]

the youtube algohrithm hit buddy i'm sorry

[@olivertalks121]

does this mean my video is being recommended to random people who aren't searching BPD?

[@ItsJustNery]

@@olivertalks121 yes, I wasn't searching. if it makes you feel better tho I think it will only be recommended to people who watch similar content related to mental health so its okay

[@robbielynmccrary872]

i was also recommended granted i was searching other things related to mental health subjects

[@marinnadda]

Thanks for share your experience, i really feel better

[@imnotgoodingivingnames7724]

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this has helped me.💗

[@Deni-td9de]

Cool video. This got into my recommandation and I'm glad it did, to some extenct it describes the way I act and feel but I dont wanna self diagnose.. :P

[@NedWholeness]

Thanks for sharing. I really do appreciate it.

[@JesusIsGodsSelfie]

17:15 you describe what most cats 🐈 do at some point each day lol 😂 - - if you’ve ever had a cat you’ll see the funny side. It’s good to laugh. P. S. I’m not making fun of you ok 👍 I’m just sharing something I thought about when you said about staring off into space for a few moments each day at 8 o’clock. - blessings

[@abigailcoffey512]

I'm exactly the same as you, I have quiet bpd as well. I'd love to be your friend.

[@darkbuddha3307]

9 seconds in what a fucking introduction. not making fun of you. I am also quiet BPD :)

[@mermaidblues8684]

How did you get diagnosed? I'm suffering so much and they won't diagnose me. They don't want to 'put a label on me'. I'm in such a state.

[@olivertalks121]

They said that to me as well, they often refuse to diagnose people under 30. I saw a psychiatrist after a suicide attempt and he spoke to the community mental health team after I answered a PD questionnaire. I guess all I can say is tell them why having a diagnosis would help, but even if you dont get one its not the end of the world. My treatment didn't change after I was diagnosed.

[@mermaidblues8684]

@@olivertalks121 thank you for taking the time to answer. It's so hard being this way. I'm 31 and have been suffering like this for 15 years. Just gone through a break up and had my engagement written off. So nice to speak to you and see how you've picked yourself up.

[@mermaidblues8684]

@@olivertalks121 and the mental health nurse said people would refuse to treat me if I was diagnosed.

[@Englishman999]

@@olivertalks121 Age doesn't come in to it, I'm 61 and still yet to recieve a diagnosis despite being 'in the system' for 18 months. After a lot of pushing I see a psych for diagnosis this month! For some people having a diagnosis is important in itself and the choice must lie with the patient, not the professional.

[@Englishman999]

Insist, that's the only way. Remind them that the decision about whether or not to 'label' is a choice that should be made by the patient. I for one see a diagnosis as a starting point, Without it they treat the symptoms but never the underlying issues. Only a psychiatrist can make the diagnosis and they're few and far between and expensive so the NHS will always seek to divert resources as they see fit for economic reasons.

[@JesusIsGodsSelfie]

Hello Oliver are you Scottish. I hear your Scottish accent coming through the more you talk, and relax. It’s as if you’re subconsciously hiding the Scottish accent to please ppl listening online. I ‘get it’ because I used to do the same when I was younger, and probably would again now if I made a KZbin video. I’m not judging you ok 👍- I’m just making an observation. And i admit I could be wrong. I just want to say hats off - Good for you to have the courage to make a video about this situation. I found your video become looked for info on borderline inner pain. I’m in a lot of inner emotional pain rn. I wish I had the courage to make a video for KZbin to share how I’m feeling. Can I ask you/ - does it make you feel better having uploaded these videos? Thank you. Blessings.

[@olivertalks121]

Hello, thanks for your comment. To answer your question, I am Scottish and have never left Scotland. I don't feel as though I'm hiding my accent, I never used scots slang growing up so the majority of the accent just doesnt feel natural. I didnt have an accent even in my hometown. It does sound more strong when I'm angry though haha. I made this video over a year ago, but it has only recently gained attention. Its unnerving to have my dirty laundry being aired to more people, something i have no control over, but i am glad its helping people 😇

[@xenatron9056]

Sweetheart, you need to wash some of Professor Sam Vaknin videos. He will give you so much clarity...A Professor, Lecturer and Author. Do yourself a favour and you will save a lot of money from bogus therapists who just won't admit that BPD is in the 'too hard' basket. Please do this. All his lectures have been uploaded by himself personally, at no charge to the public. They are wonderful and have helped me tremendously. I wish you well. Cheers from Tasmania.

[@xenatron9056]

There is something for everyone in Sam's lectures. Perhaps you don't like what he says because it kinda might trigger you.

[@sophiebrown9434]

💘

[@imaxus1128]

wow, you really had bad luck with your psychotherapist....

[@olivertalks121]

yes that was an annoying experience, but I have a new therapist now and she's really lovely :)

[@imaxus1128]

@@olivertalks121 Cool, I'm glad to hear that!

[@sasoki5358]

Do you have instagram

[@olivertalks121]

nah I don't like to use it 😅

[@sasoki5358]

i love you so much do you have a facebook? Do not tell me that you do not love it 😄

[@olivertalks121]

@@sasoki5358 I prefer to keep Facebook private :) you can email me at [e-mail] if you have questions or something you want to discuss