A mother's experience of losing her son to suicide

[@stephaniemuse]

I remember, when I was 15, being suicidal... and telling myself, "Okay, if this is my lowest low, then I want to see what my life's highest high looks like." So I gave myself ten years. I lived my life with an "expiration date" in mind, but I really fought hard to make the best of it. And towards the end of the year after my 25th birthday had passed, I remember suddenly thinking to myself, "I made it pass the set deadline I had in mind... and my life is pretty darn fantastic." I'm married. I have a kid. A loving family. I enjoy what I do for a living. I have dreams for my future. Life is pretty darn good. So if you're going through a low period in your life, please stick around... I'd love for you to see what your life's highest high would look like. It does get better. Not immediately - but eventually, it will.

[@user-18r9es7tt3]

Thank you so much. This is so encouraging to us. ❤😊

[@craysin1318]

Wish you happy life ❤

[@See-if_I_care]

Don't lie...it doesn't get better.

[@browniebitedelight]

@@See-if_I_carethat’s what I’m thinking but then again we have a negative mindset so we aren’t gonna take what’s she saying like it’s amazing

[@See-if_I_care]

@@browniebitedelight I don't believe she was depressed or suicidal. I believe she was just going to a phase of being sad. There is a difference. I don't have a negative mindset, just being realistic.

[@ctwpoco-oy6wu]

"I'm sorry I let everyone down". No, you didn't. You were suffering and nobody could understand your suffering. Rest in peace.

[@MrBigemy]

[@PositivelyNice]

He let everyone go and embraced what he felt was better for him. Blessed be the path he took. ❤

[@MrBigemy]

@@PositivelyNice okay,i died and the GOD question.....asking why?

[@MrBigemy]

@@PositivelyNice now my question is...who making who cry

[@rahuithecatsummer]

@@PositivelyNiceBeautiful words ❤

[@galegg]

When a depressed person suddenly has energy and looks like they are getting better, that's when they are most vulnerable to suicide...

[@terbernt]

I suspect that's sadly true. It's their last pretense.

[@fantasee1]

I don't have experience in suicide but I've quit my job a few times. You get a sense of relief when you make the decision to quit. It's like a burden has been lifted.

[@tmounidharan]

That is what u call a paradoxical suicide Suicide at the start of recovery from depression.

[@BloxxerBoi_m134]

It's like knowing that a person is already dead for 6 days, and seeing them waking up, or in other words, a zombie.

[@rustywine7839]

unfortunately this is true in a lot of cases. :(

[@MrBla342]

I know him - we were at the same school. Never even thought for a single second that he’s suicidal. He was the happiest guy around who almost always had a smile on his face. RIP - you fought the good fight 😢

[@erwinbravo5981]

So sad

[@MinhQuanBui2004]

It‘s often the most happiest people who are the most broken ones.

[@SmailINFP-pq5iq]

​@@MinhQuanBui2004..false

[@rotcataergeht]

So the cause for his suicide is mental issues??

[@ilya.m2005]

happiest guy… ah yes people really don’t truly care what’s going on and assuming that everything is normal 🤭🤗

[@claudialinton-martins1133]

Ever mothers nightmare to loose a child. This mum was so courageous to share her experience with everyone . Our hearts go out to her and her family

[@AndresPerez-tg9ms]

@@ilovepomeranians4243working with teens for more than 20 years, I can tell you that blaming the mom is very wrong! Blaming Paul would be the same, wrong! It’s sadly more complicated than “hating” or “loving” your parents and life. I wish you never have kids, and if you do, this worst nightmare never becomes a reality in your life.

[@chewyc9580]

⁠​⁠@@AndresPerez-tg9ms I agree with you 💯%. Well said! A lot of parents have and continue to put their love and support to their children. We also have challenges, but that doesn’t mean we stop supporting them. There are alot of factors they might be going through, that we might and may never understand. All parents can do is do our best to help them.

[@ilovepomeranians4243]

@@AndresPerez-tg9ms I'm a resident psychiatrist and work with children, teens, and young adults. The challenges that adolescents and young adults face in life never change. School, work, bullying etc... The only thing that changes are how their parents raise them, and how prepared they are to face those challenges with confidence and self-assurance. Most children, adolescents, and young adults that are suicidal come from parents that did not foster their confidence and self-assurance throughout their childhood. They were either berrated, or were overprotected and developed a sense of learned-helplessness. They don't feel safe sharing their problems to their parents, and a lot of them fear their parent's reactions. Many of them are also seeking validation from their parents, which is something that I can sense in this situation. Their parents love them, yes, but loving your children is not enough. You have to *raise* them to have enough confidence and love for themselves to be able to challenge their problems without turning internally. When you have children, it's not about you, it's about *them.* It's not about how much you love your child, it's about how well you raise them to be confident, independent, and well-adjusted.

[@hacker-ee7zf]

d nakakaawa ang tao ganyang pag iisip

[@hacker-ee7zf]

​@@AndresPerez-tg9mskarma sa anak yan buti nga

[@thuhapham7364]

10 years ago I lost my only son from suicide. He was almost 22year old and he was a lovely grandson and son to my father and I. Until now I still hurt a lot and cry every time thinking of Chris. I am watching this video and I am sending you my warm hug and deeply love to you.

[@amylwin1271]

Chris is now doing well in his next beautiful life ma'am 🌻

[@user-qy9fl5en6h]

may i know what are the cause ?

[@ChweeSiongTan-mt9fd]

LLP

[@ikubarus.6966]

​@@amylwin1271😅

[@user-AtiredAnimator]

I'm so, so, sorry for your loss. I hope he is in a better place now. R.I.P, and once again, so sorry to hear.

[@annhans3535]

A lesson I learned from my daughter when she was in high school. She said, mom I don't need you to solve everything for me. I just need you to listen and hear me. One of the most important thing that child has taught me.

[@hananinaa]

Me personally agree with that because the important things i need the most from my parents are just a hug and they to listen at my story...

[@yogurtstrawberry-ke6ze]

I remember one of my colleague whom also attempted suicide once told me that he didnt want to end his life, but to end all the pain... May this young man RIP and no longer suffer in pain anymore

[@tankman20064]

I will ask for the CPF.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉.

[@user-oh6wb5rj2q]

@@tankman20064?! Great disrespect

[@ZacharyLittle777]

Jesus Christ (The Eternally Existing Son of God, God The Son, Savior, Christ) promises eternal life ONCE you believe he died for your sins, was buried, rose again the 3rd day! Once Saved Always Saved! You can't lose your salvation once you believe on Jesus Christ alone! Salvation is forever and salvation can't be lost!

[@su-ii5bp]

​@@ZacharyLittle777you guys killed jezus right soo go away with that from here please

[@metoo0717]

I attempted suicide & survived, and I'd like to share differing view: It isn't always about having a listening ear (which is why the SOS hotline doesn't work for me). Sometimes it doesn't matter if you listen & truly want to help, no matter how you try, one may not really understand what a person is going through with depression. We can talk someone out of sadness, but not depression. Depression is difficult to explain, sometimes they're simply brain chemicals haywire, beyond the control that any chat can solve. At the same time, pushing someone to see doc may cause unnecessary emotional rides. Even if one is to see doc eventually, eat medication, it would only alleviate & not solve depression completely. I guess no amount of years/studies is enough to find a 100% cure for our complex human brain. Just live by the day, and hope one day our willpower can grow to be stronger than our haywire brain cells.

[@vincentho3964]

@metoo0717 - Thank you very much for your sharing. Can you also share your journey to "recovery" ? If you were asked to "counsel" somebody in the throes of depression, what would you do (and NOT do) ?

[@metoo0717]

@@vincentho3964I wouldn’t say I’ve answer to your question, as I’m still exploring. Other than taking psychiatric medication, I found some useful self-help techniques to relieve. A peaceful environment will help. One-to-one accompaniment may help (but don’t make the depressed person talk when they don’t initiate themselves-cause it may mean the person simply doesn’t have extra mental capacity to talk), maybe just ask the person to go for a walk with you OR offer to drive them to a beach/garden, prepare food & simple sport games to help the person get active physically. When the person finally wants to talk, DON’T JUDGE (this is the most common mistake)- most ppl thought they twist their words around to make it sound better, but the deeper meaning still carry judgment within- most ppl think that depressed ppl “choose to” overthink, but don’t understand that it’s beyond control due to haywire brain cells at work. This is a long journey for the person & caregiver. So don’t expect miracles to happen anytime soon. Instead of getting disappointed that the person is still depressed after a long time, you should be proud that the person managed to stay alive for another year.

[@elaine1520]

I hope you are ok and believe you will be ok!

[@christianochoo]

@@metoo0717 this is a very insightful knowledge coming from someone who has to deal with depression. I will be more mindful of that when I am with people who are down and depress, Thank you .

[@PositivelyNice]

❤

[@mysoulfooddiary]

Please don't blame yourself because you had done your best. Stay strong for your other 2 kids.

[@zhamiladamn2975]

Mother study Buddhism.

[@kgan4733]

​@@zhamiladamn2975she probably feels guilty

[@espadakillar]

@@kgan4733 she is. You can see it in her face.

[@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858]

1. You cannot assume that. 2. Only when we lose something do we miss it.

[@faber3969]

It was entirely her fault. Why do you think he was so unhappy at home and tried to stay away?

[@jkk2940]

honestly, this is the only thing that is preventing me from taking my own life. i cant stand to leave my mother in this state. She is more important than my happiness. Thank you to Alicia for sharing her and paul's story. It may have prevented my own suicide.

[@myopinion5508]

I am in the same position. My mom is also more important to me than I am. And she needs me. I cant abandon her.

[@user-oh6wb5rj2q]

Find solace in God

[@limitess9539]

@@user-oh6wb5rj2q If God is truly all-powerful he could end all of their suffering immediately, but for some reason he doesn't so he can go to hell for all I care.

[@foreverexplorer8283]

please stay strong and have faith , it may look tough now but the effect will subside and gradually will go away. It's not gonna last forever.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

I’m not in such a dark place anymore thankfully but that was my sole reason for staying here at the time; I could not put my parents through the horror of losing me that way.

[@callmegale]

I attempted suicide on Christmas Day in 2016. I was 20. I went to our building's rooftop and climbed the railing. I wasn't really thinking of anything. I just felt empty. I've been battling depression for months by then and on our way home from church at that time, my mother gave alms to a beggar and idk, the scenario just struck me and I thought it was time for me to go and my mother would be ok even without me. So when I went home and my family was busy entertaining our relatives, I went to the rooftop. When I was about to jump, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and it was my mom texting me where I was. I took a deep breath and headed back to our house with no one in my family knowing they almost lost me. Over the years, I learned to hang on with this kind of thought: look forward to something every second, minute, or hour--whether it's something huge like a get-together or something trivial like the airing of your fave show's new episode. It helped me personally.

[@senti7965]

Bless you. ❤️❤️❤️🕊️🕊️🕊️

[@IAmCY97]

I lost my mom to suicide due to depression at the start of this year even after constant help from IMH and from the family, can fully understand the pain she is going through.. Stay strong Mdm!

[@93hothead]

Do you know that IMH has the worst treatment and worst facility ever

[@Sunnyside45335]

@@93hothead Dude. Pls stop.

[@wangmyan1]

@@93hothead they are doing their best. At least they have somewhere to go so family can have a break

[@vincentho3964]

Please refer to the sharing by @metoo0717. It is not easy to help.

[@michelleli7]

condolences for your loss

[@cocoaorange1]

The scariest part is a person can be happy and still want to commit suicide.

[@maryellenmariaelenarides581]

My sincerest and deepest condolences to you and your family. We lost our son to suicide at age 23 and he enjoyed planting sunflowers. Prayers for continued strength, support, peace and hope. May your faith bring you comfort. Many blessings 🙏

[@lorrainebartenbach8854]

I am so sorry to you both. I lost my youngest to suicide almost 2 years ago. I can’t imagine it gets better. 💔

[@truth8307]

​@@lorrainebartenbach8854May I know what religion do you believe in?

[@JesusSavesTheLostBrokenConfuse]

Theres a saying in the Bible, there's no teacher like Jesus is. Only God can teach our kids, we are to train them up in the ways of the Lord and then they will fly on the wings of God when they are ready, some younger than others and he will raise them and guide them, they won't fall with God raising them. We just need to let them go and trust in God. The Bible said our mind is wicked and must be renewed through out hearts of stone into a heart of flesh and this can only be done through Jesus or else the kids will live in their mind and they will continue to suffer. As a person who is suicidal I found God when I contemplated. Thank be to God he revealed to me in my room and took my empty hands and filled it with grace and purpose and meaning.

[@truth8307]

@@JesusSavesTheLostBrokenConfuse Do you know those words are stolen from the Buddha? You don't to believe in any God to live well and correctly. Check these evidence that proved they are fake: Bible stories copied from older pagans, Greek, Egyptian or Hinduism religions(note the names too) E.g. Adam/Eve with Atman/Jiva a pair of birds, big flood and survivor Noah/3 sons with Manu/3 daughters, Abraham/Sarah with Brahma/Saraswathi, Moses with Krishna etc, all similar stories. 4) Jesus copied from Buddha: Maya to Mary, miracle to virgin birth, birth during a journey home to from home, prophesied after birth, had a disciple who betrayed them, walked on water stories, Gautama left the palace at age 29 and Jesus appeared at 29, Gautama became Buddha at 35 and Jesus died and resurrected at about 35 too, Buddha had a big meal while Jesus had a last supper before they died, 500 arahants witnessed compilation of Buddha's teachings and over 500 witnesses to Jesus's resurrection, there will be a future Buddha and Jesus will return, the Trinity is same meaning as in the 3 bodies of the Buddha etc. All coincidental? Beside Buddha, Jesus copied from Horus too. Surely they can't be ALL coincidental.

[@AyvaElysse]

*This lady should consult Theresa Caputo a Long Island medium in the US. She could get consolation from the reading from her late son. The mother should get healed before anger and guilt succumbs her*

[@parrotcracker6629]

You know there's sign outside Japan's Suicide Forest that has a statement like, "Think of your families and friends before you yada yada yada....." I remember being angry when I heard that because I've contemplated suicide many times, almost everyday.... Why should people live for their "families" or "friends" if they are the ones that push you over the edge. Some of my worst memories are of my so called "family" belittling me or my mother abusing me. Finally what stopped me from taking that final plunge is realizing I needed to live for MYSELF and no one else. I needed to be happy for me, I wanted a future for me where I could be happy. I'm going to be selfish and it's okay to be selfish. A year ago I enrolled back into community college after dropping out 7 years ago. I have a steady job that I hate but it gets things paid. Life could be better but right now I am content.

[@tired.....247]

I've read so many comments but yours is what I get this is how I've felt for such a long time that now I'm just tired

[@kenlee9019]

So sorry for her loss. It's very strong and courageous of her to share her story and help others.

[@gamaigia9270]

I just lost my mum 3 weeks ago. She was elderly. I can't imagine how this lady went through to loose her loved one who was at such a young age. I am sorry to hear your loss, lady.

[@michelleli7]

condolences.

[@myopinion5508]

My condolence

[@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858]

😞😞

[@jc-246]

🙏

[@anglophils645]

My 51 year old cousin, a school-teacher, committed suicide during August of 2020, at her home in the US. I didn't even know that she suffered from depression. Her adult children told me that the isolation of Covid, exaggerated her symptoms. Teaching from home, rather than seeing everyone at school, was very isolating for her.

[@1Jason]

People need to be held responsible for the unnecessary covid lockdowns.

[@rosiepayne7712]

@thecritic we should absolutely blame the people who inflicted so much damage on people.

[@toyoyoyo104]

Covid period was a super stressful period for many educators. Esp. those past 40 and forced to pick up IT skills to run online lessons. There was not enough support given.

[@TaTaSauceMUTANT]

I knew Paul, worked with him at a gardening centre back in 2016. He was such a nice boy. You will be missed Paul.

[@NupplesRampage]

I don't know if I should say this but I mean it coming from a place of well meaning of some sorts. As someone who struggles with mental health for god knows how long, the thought of suicide comes and goes. It improves with age but to be honest, nothing much changed over the decades. You simply learn how to cope. I can't speak for all who suffers from depression/mental health but this is my take on it. It is a constant battle between the highs and the lows. The feeling of living and the feeling of wanting death/freedom. The highs are when you feel emotionally up lifted. You feel super motivated. Like you are ready to want to improve your life, go chase your dreams, live life like a regular person. Get a good career, find a partner, get married and all that stuff. The idea of self improvements would feel so good, the rush is surprisingly refreshing. The idea of being functional and motivated. However, that high would sometimes crash in a matter of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. That's where the lows comes kicking down the doors. Sometimes, suicide is just a passing thought. Sometimes, you really contemplate the idea of doing it but fear kicks in and survival mode prevents you from actually doing it until it doesn't. When the feelings strike, life feels meaningless, hopeless, tiring and all you feel is lost, a coldness gripping you at the bones at random timings that sends you into an anxiety mode and all you want to do is retreat and when there's no where to retreat, some would often act out with anger or self harm(mentally, physically, emotionally) We don't expect regular people with a fairly healthy mental state to understand us. Heck, we can barely understand it ourselves. But one thing for sure though... Don't feel the guilt. It's not your fault. It's not his either. Mental health problems simply suck. Just like any other severe health problems. So just carry on living your life. Just remember him for the good times you had together. I believe that's what he wishes for as well.

[@smB447]

I feel the same way.

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@NupplesRampage You describe here the characteristics of your personal depression cycles very clearly. You are highly observant and aware of your varied cycles of highs and lows over a long period of time, and what impacts these have on your life. The patterns you describe are suggestive of a Bi-Polar form of Depression. /So Uni-Polar Depression = One Pole. The person only experiences the low features of Depression. Bi-Polar = Two Poles. The person's depression CYCLES (in their unique personal pattern) between the low characteristics and the abnormally energised, confident, risk taking qualities of a high mood. /Bi-Polar versions of depression can be complex to understand, to track your personal cycle, to learn to identify your own stressors and triggers, and to explain the RANGE of your moods, thoughts and physical functions to family and friends. /One of the most honest and empowering KZbin makers I've seen can be found on an American site called 'Polar Warriors'. This man has a mission to share what he has learned through the challenges of his own mental health journey. He is not a doctor or psychiatrist. But he has been in the care of plenty over the years. He makes videos from his own life and first hand experience. At times, he is at a low point in his cycling, and unable to make videos or connect with his subscribers. He and his team are fully honest when this is the case. He steps back from any form of diagnosis, recommendations or analyses of different medication regimes. (All he does say is that after many years of trial and error with both 'self-medicating' (use of alcohol and drugs) and a series of pharmaceutical medications, he has found a drug regime that works best for him currently.) You may possibly find some things in his videos that you recognise. I wish you well.

[@kgan4733]

​@@comealongcomealong4480good to know

[@josephdaniel3259]

Try carnivore diet to heal your depression or research about GAPS diet to heal your Gut Microbiome

[@issac7787]

Thank you for this thoughtful comment

[@susannageorge6418]

I understand your pain and grief especially loosing a child. I myself lost my only daughter to suicide in 2019 and the pain and lost is unbearable 😢

[@SL-xw1rj]

I experienced the same loss in 2021 and have the same pain like you. But my dear, please believe that your lovely daughter is with you all the time whenever you think of her and miss her. She is helping you, loving you and caring about you all the time. She never leaves but just be in another form of existence to stay with you. Talk to her inside your heart and you can definitely feel her ❤to you. Please feel good about her and yourself; be good to yourself and do something good to yourself and love yourself ❤ when you are good and she is good too ❤

[@deidrelorenz8307]

So sorry to hear you lost your children. Blessings & prayers.❤❤

[@inaacielo4338]

I'm sorry. Losing a child is the most terrible thing that may happen to any parent. May your daughter soul rest in peace. ✨️

[@miriamt.gertagz8199]

​@inaacielo4338 no peace at him because suicide is a sin in our God eyes, only God has the right to take it, not us

[@user-oh6wb5rj2q]

@@miriamt.gertagz8199yes, it’s counted as blasphemy……… I wonder would it be better if we were never created? What’s the point of existence?

[@IamKimsational]

I am so sorry for Paul's loss. He was absolutely beautiful and sounds like he was extremely talented. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes, depression puts you into a fog and in that fog, you cannot hear anything but intrusive thoughts. I have been there; that is why I say this. I am going to pray for you and your family. I hope your daughter is doing okay without her brother and that she will understand this loss better one day. I send you all the love from North Carolina, USA.

[@BS-si6pj]

@@user-ht9oc7gw1f Exactly, there has to be some reason why he committed suicide.

[@5Grace111]

​@@user-ht9oc7gw1f- How do you define toxic household? I believe Paul wasn't ill-treated or being abused by his parents. I believe all parents have love and concern with a parental rights over their children but we need to excercise them in moderacy. They need to 'let go a little and pull back a little of the string for freedom'..kids around this age longs for freedom and an identity, they heartily wanna quickly grow up and hoping not 'mess up' by their parents 'yes or no' to 'control' their lives. Actually we can be acting like friends to our kids, speak like friends, have fun like friends, behave like friends, and love like friends ❤ and share everything in their lives like friends..

[@calmwithtay]

@@user-ht9oc7gw1fthat is extremely rude and unnecessary to say. And very assumption based. There are so many reasons why he could’ve come to this point. And you have no idea so why speak on it?

[@midnightcat6116]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son 😢 I’ve been suicidal my entire life since childhood, when i found out what dying was. Recently, I’ve lost the most important people in my life to tragedy and have had suicidal ideations because the grief is so unbearable at times. Watching your story has helped me to stay alive. Sending you much love and compassion ❤

[@calvenkit7233]

Your not alone keep going strong no matter what happens in situations 💪

[@jiminssocks1220]

*sending you hugs* i hope things get better for you

[@midnightcat6116]

@@jiminssocks1220 Thank you! i hope the same for you and everyone going through grief 💗

[@midnightcat6116]

@@calvenkit7233 Thank you! Much 💜

[@TM-oe2on]

Have you recelty spoke to your psychiatrist or PCP? There are many treatment options beyond pills, like Spravato and TMS.

[@Hupp93]

I hate how suicide is always on the back of my mind. Its scary to think that my depression is going to beat me one day. I'm sorry for her loss.

[@nickyisgaming]

Right I have those thoughts too and there could be a chance one day that might happen to me

[@Denis.4.]

I'm also having same situation

[@MoonChaser-xu3bs]

yes.. now we can still fight it but as time goes by, the desire is getting stronger and stronger. hopefully we can continuously fight it out if it triggered..

[@rudyjean5550]

Sending good vibes to you guys.

[@malice4422]

please before you ever get to that final step, get help (this is the obvious one, but it really is necessary). and if you find yourself still stuck in that hole, change your setting, change your friends, do anything... life is filled with suffering, but taking things a day at a time and trying out all potential options just might be worth it..

[@moon.shadow86]

Rest in peace, Paul. I hope you will find that peace. It's really sad when people take their own life. What they're thinking, we may not know the feelings and emotions they're going through. I know the pain of losing a brother to suicide. I felt angry and was guilty for not trying harder to be there for him. Why people do the things they do, we will never know. I hope this mother will find solace and peace with her family. ❤❤❤❤

[@NurulDysson]

I have been thinking of suicide as well quite often because I cannot accept or heal from past trauma 😢life can be hard for so many of us for vary different reasons. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced the loss of someone to suicide💔the reason they do it is because they cannot cope anymore with life 😢😢😢

[@matthasch847]

​@@NurulDyssonI hope you are feeling better now

[@NurulDysson]

@@matthasch847 I don't feel 💯 better just yet.I feel I need counselling because for one person to go through so many bad things in their life & constantly feel useless,worthless is a burden that is heavy to carry... 😞

[@skyvioletstrawberry]

@@NurulDysson Suicide is never a solution for escape. Do u want to ever walk out and find happiness and lead the rest of your life happy or be stuck in this cycle and be haunted and making yourself feel so low. No matter how difficult/painful, look at those with lives even more difficult/painful than yours, they have the courage to live on and be happy everyday. Look at them. Even if you have a thousand friends who comfort and reassures you, they can hold u for once but if u wouldn’t want to face and overcome the issue, then im sorry to say no one can help you. Everything lies within you. Past alr has passed, no matter what you do now it cannot change. If u ever wanted things to change in the future, why not think abt how to let it change and try things with a different mindset? How many times u tried even bef u concluded that u have failed?

[@TheFakeStarwalker7293]

Many people who experience suicide loss are often regretful of not being there for them until it's too late. People are good at concealing their suffering and true feelings and you can also experience happiness in the state of depression. I don't really speak for everyone and I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm really sorry for your loss

[@rieblogs7859]

Dear Asian and black parents,please dont push your kids away,don’t force them to be successful and also help them if you can. The world is lonely and painful.

[@MasonTheFurryCat]

Not all Asian parents are like this but… I agree. Especially the “monster parents”

[@tayh3168]

As an Asian American man in my mid 30s I can assure you Asian parents will never listen. They don't care about their kids. They only care about money, work, and status.

[@rosedookie2760]

My sincere condolences to this mother and family, I have 4 children and always hope and pray for my kids and every other family out there, that you don't ever have to loose someone in this way. I lost my only brother to suicide, he was 19 yrs old and you never get over it. It destroyed my parents and my father died a year later from grief. Thank you for sharing your story, with all my love and Gods' Blessings may his soul RIP

[@Trixiesongzxoxo]

How did your father die?

[@monikae554]

​@@Trixiesongzxoxofrom a broken heart.

[@limitess9539]

RIP to you too

[@extremelucky1]

I can't imagine a more painful experience for a human being than losing a child whose life is just starting. God bless Alicia and her family!

[@truth8307]

Be careful, I noticed God believers are prone to depression.

[@KR10612]

Even I will die at 24 next year and very soon as you said life starts from this age but for me it's the ending phase of life 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@truth8307]

@@KR10612 the Buddha said ignorance is the root cause of all sufferings. Whether a longer or shorter life, one should remove ignorance.

[@KR10612]

@@truth8307 i am a follower of lord Krishna i have been facing hardships since 2014 (14 years) and it's enough to continue living and get relief from the sufferings it's very to hard to live right now and very hard to cope up right now!!!

[@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858]

Well, even people regardless of age, who do it, is still sad though.

[@shumlulu6605]

Alice, you are a strong mommy, I am sorry for your lost. It is really appreciated to share your experience & helping other families which are facing the same situation.

[@ErnestJay88]

When i was a teenager and early 20's, i was suicidal too because many problems i had in my life, but the only thing that prevent me to commit the unthinkable is "i don't want my mom and my dad crying because they lose me forever", that's why having a lovely parent really helps preventing suicide for teenager and young aduls.

[@akosiawing]

You are such a strong mom! Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your story and Paul’s as well.

[@karlaplascencia7998]

I feel for her because he seemed to be getting better but he truly was not. What a sad story.

[@zlatkajupe]

I lost my fiancé to suicide in 2012. I will never forget the cries from his mother. Truly the worst thing that can happen to a parent.

[@oliviaacosta6239]

I feel for you as a mother. I also have a daughter who has tried to end her life, she is still here but I’m always afraid that this might happen to me. Prayers

[@Texan27]

Thank you all who have shared their journey with this beastly issue of depression. It has given me insight on what it feels like. Having family members who have depression it has opened ways for me to support them when I simply do not know what to say or do.

[@shantiram4921]

It’s so painful to hear and I just can’t believe the lovely /smiley boy Paul could have any issues- that’s the sickness! 😢My tears rolled as this courageous mum was speaking, it must be so challenging to even speak. Thanks for the support you’re giving others. This awareness video is crucial for all of us. Many thanks Alicia and CNA❤️❤️❤️💐💐💐

[@tangt4860]

Our hearts go out to Alicia and family. You know how precious each and every Singapore born child is to the parents and our Singapore families and to keep our community on.

[@deidrelorenz8307]

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. Prayers & peace to you, lovely lady.❤

[@brucee6123]

How very brave this lady is. My heart goes out to her, her family and her son.

[@gray-fox6789]

I just want to give her a hug.... I know she tried her best as a mother 😢❤

[@dianetegtmeyer1066]

I am so sorry. May your family grow even closer and stronger in this tragedy. Thank you for sharing.

[@pamelacupcakes4539]

I am so sorry Alicia i lost my 15 year old son to and it really broke my heart. You feel like you could of done more for them and help them better. I am so sorry its been 2 years as well since my son has gone and not a day goes by where i don't think of him and my heart still aces

[@roxananunez4238]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your child 😞😪I can relate to your pain because we lost our beloved son at the age of 21 years old in 2017 to a horrific accident and the lost of a child is the worst pain a human can feel.

[@stevenbabe3288]

My heart goes out to this poor mother and her family. As a survivor of suicide I know what it is like to be in such a dark place. At that moment you don’t want to reach out you have come to terms with death and think it is the only way out of the pain. I was lucky I was found and my life saved. Therapy helps a lot and she is right. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. I know they didn’t say he was gay but I like people to be aware that suicide is very high with gay kids and people who preach homophobic hate need to know those deaths are on them.

[@user-oh6wb5rj2q]

He’s not gay, I saw his Instagram before. He’s probably depressive

[@pn558]

Very sorry for your loss and thank you for courageously sharing your story.

[@jaypalnitkar4400]

There can't be worse pain for a mother than to lose her son..especially by suicide. We can't even imagine how is she coping up

[@JaneDoe-ql7sc]

Tha nk you so much for sharing your story. Your advice to spend time one-on-one to listen to our children is taken to heart!

[@eszeezee6967]

So sorry for your lost Alicia. I hope your family is coping well.

[@kwanggeokquek8250]

好心疼，这么帅帅又乖巧的孩子，为什么会在这么美好的年龄选择结束自己的生命呢? 天啊！希望他好好安息，美丽善良的妈妈，你要坚强，其他孩子很需要你的爱护，希望你们勇敢坚强的走下去，加油，祝福你们平安

[@user-oh6wb5rj2q]

猜想是患有忧郁症

[@alyciahall1111]

She knows exactly what happened to him. She was so mean and critical and cruel and she knows it.

[@redleeks6253]

Mothers aren't as critical and belittling to their babyboys because they think they carry the king in their bellies. They coddle and smother them so much that they reach adult age and start to implode. Wonder if the kid was gay or suffered some kind of romantic rejection and mommy was there

[@victorialee3953]

I feel terrible for Alicia. Thank you for so bravely sharing your story with us.

[@tinkat2208]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking I have a child who struggles with mental health and acceptance in society. Thank you for your advice to just listen, because you're right, these kids know what's right and what's wrong. They don't need to hear that. They just want someone to listen. Peace and love to you and your family xxx

[@Solitube8691]

Thanks for sharing this tragic incident. My condolences to you. Paul is now in a better place where depression no longer bothers him while time will eventually heal your pain

[@sheilabrennan4481]

Blessings to you and your family and thank you for having the strength to share your story... and the work you are doing to honor your son.

[@marymccluer1630]

You had a lovely son and I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had done your best to help him. I think parents need easy-to-access resources for helping children in crisis. The early years of adulthood, when a person is just trying to find their place in the world, figure out their career path, ect, it can feel overwhelming. In America, we also need better mental healthcare. Families can't do it all on their own.

[@jediv9910]

My condolences for your loss. Stay strong for your other kids. They need you more than ever. Sometimes it’s some knots one cannot get past that leads to that. Life has always been tough.

[@bkai7777]

Felt terribly sorry for Alicia who has lost his beloved son! I think you have done your best! May God bless you and your family! 🙏

[@julesoxana]

Amen❤

[@glazieleferreira3511]

So sad. My condolences to this mother who's now heartbroken over the sudden loss of her son. I wish her a lot of strength and hope everything will be fine someday

[@Rockabillyman26]

I suffer from depression everyday and I feels like nobody would miss me if I die.

[@shortsforfun458]

******** everybody ,think about god

[@prasheetaaa_20]

Stay strong!! If this is the lowest point in your life think about what the highest has to offer to you. Give yourself some more days,months, years.

[@Rockabillyman26]

@@prasheetaaa_20 I'm trying sure wish I had someone I can talk to and listen.

[@niko2548]

That's not true. Like yourself and always stay rational.

[@Rockabillyman26]

@@niko2548 trying to like myself, but it never gets me anywhere, eventually I'll be laying in a coffin.

[@MsLilac88]

This is so heartbreaking, hope that her son rest in peace. 😢 Nowadays, many young people are suffering from depression. 😢

[@yvonnezkea]

It's so sad, but thank you for sharing your story Alicia...

[@GregBirkin]

4 out of 5 suicides are men, they face loneliness, difficult time expressing emotions due to the social stigma among other factors like identity, etc…RIP Paul. You seriously looked like a kind soul and am sorry for the Mother and the rest of the family. 😢

[@limitess9539]

It could also be mandatory military service in SK, atleast in this particular case. in SK military there's a strong hazing culture, you can type "dedovchina" in youtube or google to see the Russian military's version of it. In SK military a lot of them kill themselves or even others, shootings are common. You are treated like the worst scum, and then they expect you to treat others like scum or continue being treated like one, it's a dead cycle. Killing sprees and suicides are therefore a common occurence.

[@peengoo]

People go through a lot inside their head...just try to be BE KIND 🌻

[@doggiebaby5646]

Oh dear.. thank you for sharing this. Mental health is so real. Take care mommy.. mental health is more difficult to fix than other types of health issues

[@Aee163]

There's a reason why he was trying his best to stay away from home. I remember being suicidal and telling my mom if she doesn't allow me to leave. I would kill myself. She was in complete denial of her extreme toxicity that made it nearky impossible to co exist without completely neglecting myself to make her happy. Yes i feel bad for the mother but there must be more to this story. Parents are always gung ho of imposing their will even if its harmful. And wonder why their children are suffering from depression and anxiety constantly... .

[@TofuTeo]

I 100% believe you because I've been through the darkness myself and I know how it works. I made many comments on this video sharing the same sentiments as you. It's very unfair to the deceased child when people comment that the parent was an amazing mother and tried her best etc. Those are lies, or half-truths at best, that dishonour the child's painful experiences. Singaporeans are extremely behind in their understanding of mental health. Having personally experiences the darkness, I agree with these three quotes (by psychiatrist M. Scott Peck): “For the most part, mental illness is caused by an absence of or defect in the love that a particular child required from its particular parents for successful maturation and spiritual growth.” “The feeling of being valuable -- "I am a valuable person" -- is essential to mental health. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adulthood to destroy their spirit.” “It has been further suggested that the absence of love is the major cause of mental illness and that the presence of love is consequently the essential healing element in psychotherapy.” 0:38 and 1:12 are major red flags to the discerning and experienced eye. Many parents have no idea the amount of pain/darkness they can inflict on their children. Many Singaporean parents are emotionally unhealthy, unhealed, and unconsciously passing down generational trauma. I bet this young man fought very hard to stay afloat in his circumstances. As for you, please know that you're not alone and there are others like me who see the truth. ❤

[@tacklynator]

Exactly my first thoughts. It's hard for me to feel sympathy knowing first hand just how controlling, over bearing and toxic asian parents are. How was she really confused?

[@Manda.]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sending you lots of strength to heal through this difficult time ❤

[@Dstew57A]

What a beautiful boy …I am so sorry for your loss.

[@sandraou3340]

Thank you for sharing your story and exposing your vulnerability. Suicide is so difficult to understand, grasp, and accept. No one ever thinks they’ll lose anyone to suicide, but sadly it’s something we should bring to light. I lost my brother last year to suicide, the pain is unbearable, unimaginable, and just simply heart breaking. I pray you find peace with Paul’s passing and that he is at peace 🙏🏽🌻

[@jamesallen8859]

This why I cry my eyes out when I feel really really down...I cry until I pass out and that seems to help...

[@LPnerd]

excellent advice. I hope helping others eases this Mom's pain.

[@susangodridge8817]

I am so sorry for ur loss this is so very sad.please don't blame urself you were a wonderful mom.Sending love to you x

[@user-tf5wg1is5f]

I am now overcome with grief, my beloved son passed away in the early morning hours of August 28, 2023. He was only 23 years old. I was happy to have him, I loved him to make him happy, but I still have no idea why he died. I am so grieving. I miss him, I miss him so much. I want to hug him and tell him I love him. I don’t know what to do without him. I know that I have to move on. I am trying to…but it’s so hard to live right now. I wanna see him.

[@htmoh8115]

Be patient. Life has a purpose. May I invite you to Islam?

[@user-tf5wg1is5f]

@@htmoh8115sorry I am a Christian. But thank you for asking…

[@tetestoes6408]

Are you serious bro take your business somewhere else Soo disgusting

[@mer863]

I am so sorry that this happened to you... May he rest in eternal peace. I can't comprehend your grief but I relate to it. I felt that anger and confusion when I lost my dad, five years ago. I was a teenager at the time and didn't know how to cope with these feelings, so I struggled with dark thoughts. He also passed away in August, but on the 27. I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. Sending lots of love and prayers to you. You are strong and deserve the time to heal

[@WWK186]

I am so sorry for your loss.😢

[@joannaou639]

A very brave mother. Thank you for sharing.

[@bohemical]

Thank you for being so brave in sharing your story. Sending lots of love and hugs to you Alicia. When i first found out that my child SH, I was lost and blamed myself too. I am still learning to handle things as best as i can, for the best interest of my child. May God keep our loved ones safe.

[@kitty2527]

You have done your best. Stay strong for your family and thanks you for helping other families too as well. I agree, we tend to be so gan cheong to find solutions for them that we forgotten to listen and we over worry especially in Singapore. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[@hookkimhin7097]

It is very unfortunate this happened to your son. Now what is more important is for you is to motivate the other two kids to do well in life. Best wishes and stay positive - all things will get passed.

[@karenpetersen4485]

This is just so heartbreaking … lm so very very sorry for your loss… your beautiful child … there are no words that can ease your broken heart and the hearts of your family. You story bought back so many memories of a terrible period in my sons life . He too suffered mental health problems in his early 20’s and he also thought suicide was the answer, the way out . We were extremely fortunate and managed to get him past the worst of it ….. a good understanding doctor and a lot of medical intervention … he’s 32 years old now, he’s happy and leading a good life and even has a child of his own now. I will always remember your story and Paul … life is so unfair and l wish the outcome for your beautiful child Paul had of been so very different . Some souls are too beautiful for this world. Sending you love and prayers from Australia ❤💙❤️

[@poplinalma]

I’m so sorry for your loss 😢 this is my biggest worry with my older son he’s 21 and he’s suffered from depression in the past and he’s gone to therapy and I’ve always told him I’m there for him no matter what and he always tells me I’m okay mom ! But somehow I don’t believe it I feel he tells me that so that I can be at peace . I worry when I come home and he doesn’t answer the doorbell when I get home when he takes to long to answer or come out of his room . He won’t let me help him I tried so many ways . All I can do now is be there for him .

[@RajooBhai-tw5jm]

Depression is a silent killer...m really sorry for your loss maam.

[@Enchanteralle]

This is incredibly sad. He was so young and there was a whole life ahead of him. Not sure what mental health system and support is like in Singapore, but I hope the young generation can get adequate support at and outside of home when they go through dark times.

[@limitess9539]

Mental health is not taken seriously in SK and Japan, many people there think it's a myth or something, that is unfortunate.

[@BasketBall-NewsCast]

So sorry for her loss and thankful that she is brave enough to talk about it to increase awareness in SG Society

[@jc-246]

Thanks for sharing this story and keeping his memory alive. He was so young and there are so many pressures in life and during lockdown the news stories compunding everyone never mind such young minds. Its so tragic and you must free yourself of any guilt and untangle hidden emotions with family counselling if you havent had it. You must keep his memory alive. He seemed like a lovely guy. I wish you and your family the strength, happiness and determination to live your lives happy and that is being true to yourselves 🙏

[@firenzeong317]

Being a good listener is so important to the person who reaches out to us. He/ she might not need any advice. All they need is a good listener and let them vent, cry, talk . I always carry this rule with my friends, Never Cry Alone.

[@liewsoonhao4643]

I am sorry to hear of your loss Alicia. Do feel grief if you need to. I am 24 years old now, had several not-so-good suicidal attempts, which is overdosage of medication, and till now I still find it hard to live life. Hearing Paul's story makes me reflect on some things I feel, think and do. I will take some time to internalise knowing this tragedy.

[@fluffdepuff1921]

Have you tried seeking professional help? I hope you feel better soon and find life worth living. Take care.

[@liewsoonhao4643]

@@fluffdepuff1921 I have been seeking professional help since diagnosis at age 17 turning 18. I have been finding ways to live

[@madikiestherkhiangte9884]

​@@liewsoonhao4643have you read the bible? Please take your time to read it. Read the new testament. God loves you. I was a lost soul before he had lift me up and gave me confidence where i had non, gave me strength to look after my family. Please look for him.

[@inaacielo4338]

❤ May the good Lord guide you

[@master.jeremiah]

The saddest part is he tried. He tried and still couldn't found what he was looking for. Rest in peace, Paul

[@surveyor332]

I woke up from a dream feeling like I let my parents down. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." No one died, but the absolute pain woke me up, and immediately I was reminded of this video. The dream hit worse than reality.

[@Sira_Kackavalj]

Moral of the story. No one cares until its too late.

[@mmguysg]

extremwly heart-breaking. we must not underestimate depression and mental health - it takes the life of our beloved when you least expect it - and by then, we can only blame ourselves.

[@bernadettevelasco6323]

My heart breaks for you and your family. Ive known other moms who have lived thru this hell. Prayers are being sent to heal your hearts.

[@intelligentcat192]

My heart breaks for this Mother. I also lost my son to suicide and I feel so many jumbled emotions. You never get over it.

[@Chefnot]

I tried ending my life for so many times but still I'm alive. Until now I'm still thinking of committing suicide but everytime I'm thinking about it. Some part of me keeps saying If I end my life now no one will take good care of my dogs because I'm the only one they have and I don't feel ok leaving them to someone who can't love them as much I do. I'm thankful of my dogs.

[@limitess9539]

Yeah, well, it either gets better or it's finite suffering, one day you will die for sure so it won't be forever, life flies by, so maybe just stick around and see what becomes of the world and find solace in some things here and there

[@Chefnot]

​@@limitess9539thanks I'll try.

[@user-jn6ci1yn7g]

‏‪5:51‬‏ there's one God search about him and he will search on you

[@chiangsim]

Please please do not blame yourself. Depression has a darkness of its own. No matter how well loved one is, one is driven to suicide because of this overwhelming blackness and the need to end the pain. I have been there. It’s evident that you gave your best. Hold on to that. May you find solace amidst your grief.

[@birinaL]

I m sorry for the loss of your child may god give u strength to overcome this... Our wishes n love to u fr the initiative u are talking for other parents..,

[@pvp503]

I cry with you!! My heart goes with you,, pray for you!! Im so sorry for your loss!! I’m a mom 3 sons too! When they go through broken hearts and lock them self for many days..I’m afraid they might take their life,, all I do is pray for them..hope he go find his peace.. I pray that god will heels you through this..

[@borntorepent]

Am so so sorry to hear that.. Be strong..

[@jennifertan7079]

I am so sorry for your loss… I can’t imagine what you and your family have gone through and you are very brave to share your story… God bless you and your family 🙏🙏

[@Sunflower00001]

How incredibly sad. I am so sorry. He was a beautiful kid.

[@JaniceHorner-oo4vl]

I am so sorry to listen to this video and hear your tragic story, it must have been very hard for you to reflect back on the day you lost your son. It is very sad when someone so young decides life is just too much for them to bear. I hope you and your family will find some peace in the future years. It was very brave of you to allow others in on your grief. Take care.