A Personal Journey (Euro Truck Simulator 2)

Taking a drive and chatting about why there have been no videos over the last couple of months.
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[@squirrel]

I am genuinely blown away by the concern, understanding and best wishes expressed in the comments that I have read (and I've read hundreds of them). Thank you

[@bobbysmith968]

Squirrel you don't need to thank us Paul we're all here for you

[@brianaskren3118]

YOU'RE THE BEST SQUIRREL! "The nut house is the classiest community on the internet" - Squirrel 2014

[@razor3106]

God bless you, Paul. You have my condolences.

[@paullohmann6399]

God bless you and your family R.I.P. to your mom

[@thomasnijdam8050]

We are here for you paul. If you ever need to talk to someone just tell one of us.

[@derplodactyljames7923]

Squirrel. You may see this comment, you may not (I really hope you do). I've been following you for years. Years and years. FSX, Car Mechanic Simulator, Spin Tires, ETS2, My Summer Car, and the like. Not once have you disappointed. I used to come home from secondary school, waiting for the "Squirrel has uploaded a video" notification on my phone, or my emails. I do the same even now - I'm an IP lawyer in training, and I still come home some evenings and wait for those notifications. I came home this evening, saw this notification and was so excited. I knew what had happened from your post on your social page here on YT - so I understood totally the absolute pain you were going through, though I have yet to experience it myself. At 21:05, you then apologise for your absence. That got me. That got me that you felt you had to apologise, because trust me, you have nothing to apologise for. I'm damn sure that your other many subscribers will agree with me when I say that you could take all the time you need and want, because we have your back. We will wait for you to be ready to come back. Paul, I wish you all the best. It's hard, but the hardest bit has passed, so rest in the knowledge that things can only get easier for you, that your mum is at peace. Think of yourself for a change, and don't worry about us. We'll be here. :) All the best for 2018. James G :)

[@TheYakumoFujji]

Dribbly Midget - sorry to hook on to your post .... but I was feeling the exact same way as you. Can't describe it better...

[@derplodactyljames7923]

Yakumo Fujji Feel free :)

[@glendalrymple359]

You said That really well, I feel the same. :]

[@turtleman_destro504]

You cannot have said it any better,

[@KerboOnYT]

Well said!

[@DaihatsuMidget-fc6pi]

Hey man I understand that you lost your mom... I lost my dad a year ago due to stage 4 kidney cancer. He had it for over 5 years. That night he died I thought I would die. He was my everything. He died in his sleep. I am only 14 years old and it has been rough. Rest in Peace to your mother Paul.

[@MarcDupont]

Don't ever be sorry for being human my friend. We will be here for you. whatever comes. Glad the time helped. I'm losing my mom to demensia right now. I know the punch is coming. But I also know it's going to destroy me. But life will go on. Courage and love to you.

[@florianmensonides9326]

Marc Dupont What you wrote is Very Nice and kind of you

[@shaunhuggins]

Such a nice intro, I hope you can carry on making videos. That being said, take all the time you need let’s make yots4 the best ever EDIT: thanks for all the likes. And the heart

[@randomores]

Shaun Huggins I second my good friend here, take as much time as you need to grieve man 👍

[@1addy101]

Well said 😁

[@shaunhuggins]

Addy 12156 thanks

[@jackemsley2279]

I agree. Take as much time as you need. Here's to yots4

[@shaunhuggins]

Jack Emsley of course

[@lewisnewell196]

You nearly made me cry Because my grandad had vascular dementia form cigars when he was younger and he also died in his sleep in hospital very peacefully after all my family had said goodbye but we weren’t expecting it to go so soon so I kind of know where your coming from my grandad died on the 21st of December 2015 and still to this day I talk to him before I fall asleep and he is my stress reliever you should always talk to her because if she is there in your heart then she will be with your forever

[@lewisnewell196]

I’ve decided to put this in a different comment coz it doesn’t fit the original one but I live in England and right now it’s -1 degrees Celsius which is freezing for me

[@clamantmountain6432]

Lewis Newell here is -29 degrees :(

[@alessandromoretti9495]

kukkahattu täti where?

[@clamantmountain6432]

Alessandro Moretti In Finland at the morning when I ride to school by bike

[@alessandromoretti9495]

kukkahattu täti oh wow

[@jeffreyng9465]

Thank you, thank you for making me learn to cherish my parents more now. Thank you❤️. God bless you , cheers

[@RecklessGenesis]

You need a video for that ? , shame.. SHAME !

[@Dkentflyer]

Hi Paul i am not one of the most prolific posters either on here or twitch but i just wanted to say i am really sorry for your loss, being part of your community is something really special and i consider myself lucky to be part of it.Completely understand you taking time out, welcome back my friend and happy trucking.

[@jmary1616]

Dkentflyer jhgffggghhhfhjfffjfjfjfjdjfjfjfjfjfndndndndjejdndndndnnddnnddnndndndndndndndndndndndndnnddnnnenenenenenenneennenenenenennenenenenenenenenenennenenenenenenenenenenennenenenenenn I n

[@kyky121911]

So thats why you been away so long sorry for your loss i lost my grandma two days after you lost your mom my condolences to you and the family

[@ashkeld7190]

Rest In Peace, I’m sure she’d be very proud of all your great work. ❤️

[@yerolo]

Hi Paul, I want to commend you for making this video. It's something you didn't really need to do...but it just shows the passion you have for your work and your communities to share something so personal to you. It must have been difficult to make this video as it would have brought alot of emotions back thinking about things...just remember we are all here for you and never feel bad about having to take time off for any reason. Some people tend to forget you are not a video making machine and you have a life outside of all this. I for one enjoy any content you produce regardless of its frequency. I find you an inspiration how you connect with your twitch and youtube communities and able to see the positives in most things, you always bring the laughs with the people you interact with...you truly are my favorite youtuber and twitch streamer (I have donated to you a couple of times during your streams but due to timezone differences I do not get to catch you live often...but i watch most of your vods) Thankyou for making this video, I know it must have been tough for you to do. I look forward to all your future content :)

[@legendary_racing]

That is very nice: yerolo

[@jodijames1865]

yerolo Mate that is such a beautiful comment. Congrats to you.

[@alconelevier4745]

Thank you for posting this, Squirrel. I am getting ready to head home in a few days, as my grandfather is in his final days. This actually helps me prepare myself for what about to happen. My condolences to you and your family and thank you for sharing your memories with us.

[@repmacibin]

R.I.P. squirrels mom

[@emmareporter4324]

repmacibin yes

[@eddiestobart4life677]

100 % respect to you squirrel and sorry about your loss

[@davidg3168]

Having lost my mother in 2015, I feel your pain. Sorry for your loss squirrel. The pain will always be there but cherish the good times. Thanks for sharing and thanks for all you do for all of us sir.

[@nnadoem]

I'm just curious to know who the 31 people were who disliked this video 😒 Anyway, sorry for you loss Paul. I was in America and my dad passed away in the back of his car on the way to the hospital in Nigeria. Acute Pneumonia they called it. I did not get to say goodbye either. It gets better...eventually as you know. May she rest on. Good to hear from you again.

[@BradleyBulger]

Nna-dozie E some people dislike videos that involve loved ones passing on as a sign of a way to be saying “No this can’t be” with a video like this. The dislike button is a mixture of emotions. I liked the video but I used to be one do the dislikes on videos like these because I was confused. “Should I like it or dislike it. A great tubers mother had passed. Hnnnn~ dislike because of remorse.” But I like these videos now because of the strength of these tubers.

[@nnadoem]

Rainbow Blazie now that makes sense. I never thought of it that way. Thank you for that.

[@sriramnikhit8407]

RIP sorry for your loss. Huge respect. We are happy you are back

[@gtavstepfordcounty1733]

Don't worry squirrel she's in a better place now I feel your pain as I too lost my uncle he fought thru the internal pain he was in but he had enough and asked us to let him go. I will miss him I'm still trying not to cry. But it's hard rest in peace both your mom and my uncle 😭

[@thesouthwesttrainsguy277]

RIP squirrels Mum we all understand why you haven’t made videos stay strong mate

[@Falco95]

May your mother rest in peace, man. I've lost both my grandmothers in December last year ten days apart because of dementia and I know how hard it is to accept that. We'll be here to support you, whenever it is necessary. God bless you.

[@craigsutherland2500]

That was a lovely intro Paul

[@robef1106]

So sorry man hope you are ok and may your mother and father both rest in peace in heaven

[@julianridder7119]

ROBEF 1heaven?

[@LunarLithos]

he spelt it correctly so shut up he was being kind to Paul Beucase he Lost both of his Mother and Father so be Respectfull !

[@willgaff3183]

Julian leave

[@powergaming3429]

Sorry for your loss Paul. You are a great KZbinr and you have mine as well as everyone else's support👍

[@CommanderPiglet]

I’m really sorry for your loss. I am currently going trough hard times. My grandfather got Altzimers 2 years ago. This video really showed me that i should spend time with him as this may be his last year. You dont need to apologise. Take the time you need. Thank you, Paul. Keep doing your thing.

[@pratikgahane6625]

Dude i am feeling very bad after hearing the news.. take care...

[@theslowrp6722]

Nice and respectful, some of you. Sorry for your loss, Paul. On a positive note, congrats on your first solo! Do they have the same tradition in the UK where they pour a bucket of water on you afterwards?

[@Gam3ing4Pros]

TheSlowRP It’s not water it’s alcohol I think xD

[@robe3836]

I think you are confused with the ice bucket challenge :-)

[@theslowrp6722]

It's traditional in Canada after your first solo...they told me to bring a change of clothes. :) I think it's supposed to remind you to stay humble.

[@alien_marksman]

I thought it was Cut the back out of your Shirt

[@BobMcCoy]

*Deepest condolences*

[@mariusmadsen888]

That intro made tears in my eyes. And hear you talk about her is something special, and it makes you an even more special youtuber. I think you deserve over a million subscribers. And talking about that, I’ve just noticed that you are just about to hit 600.000 subs, so congrats to you!

[@thomasirvine485]

Sorry for your loss.❤ R.I.P.

[@theundyinggamer4139]

R.I.P Sorry for your lose

[@reikojons]

Loss*

[@MrCarpelan]

I am incredibly sorry for your loss, I lost my grandpa in december I was very close to him and it was hard but I feel like as long as we remember them they're still with us. Doesn't matter if you believe in an afterlife or not, they're always with us. Much love!

[@darrenmcgrogan8843]

Paul it takes a lot of courage to open up like you have here in this video. I lost my nana almost 5 years ago due to dementia and yet I still struggle to speak about her without having to fight the tears. I have a photo of her on the dash of my truck at work, I dread going to work with it there but it helps me remember her. Your an amazing guy Paul, you’re mum will be proud of you always look down on you. All the best from me, Darren

[@SimonSNB]

God bless you I know what its like, i lost 3 of my grandparents within 8 months of each other....... im 13

[@noodlewrecker7740]

Ouch man, I hope you are doing well now.

[@SimonSNB]

noodleWrecker7 thanks for the concern, im doing fine

[@robertbalazslorincz8218]

You mean that you don't live with your actual mom or dad?

[@mattjankus788]

Róbert Balázs Lőrincz grandparent is your mother or father of your parent which means you have 4 grandparents

[@RecklessGenesis]

I grew up in a foster family so i had 8 of them , and i lost them all . But i am close to 30 ,,, Still to soon for many of them

[@maxholmes9196]

sorry for your loss mate

[@MaxCuberful]

Even though it's awkward to get such responses from an internet stranger, I feel like leaving a like isn't enough. I'm sorry for your loss, Squirrel. May she rest in peace. The way you put it, the way you've come back to videos, the way you made this personal journey is really touching. We're all happy to hear that you are well and ready to make videos again. Thank you for being you and being strong.

[@user-Ghost293]

Sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I totally understand what you went through as it happened to me a few years ago. Re the spring mod - and assuming that’s Grimes frosty winter you have - his spring v2.7 is updated for ETS2 v 1.30. Good to see you back Squirrel. This video was brave, moving and compelling. Respect. o7

[@jamesread8384]

RIP I am so sorry for your loss.

[@FlyingNesquick]

2018 is going to be a great year for you! I want to thank you for inviting us all into the processing of your grief for your mom. Your honesty and emotion was very touching. I wish I could shake your hand and give you a pat on the back, to express my condolences. My best wishes to you and your family.

[@joelduffie6201]

Thank you for this very heartfelt video. My mother actually passed away near the end of November, and I agree with much of what you’ve said. I commend you for your honesty and I pray you will continue to be blessed and comforted. I live in the US, but I’m actually traveling to the UK for the first time later this spring! I thought I’d tell you that I’m living a very similar reality to yours, again, thank you. - JD

[@MrSailorsteven]

Condolences to you Paul.

[@Maeyanie]

Dementia causing her to stop smoking reminds me of something my mother used to say, "there's nothing so bad it's not good for something."

[@racaldana1922]

I like that.

[@callumbrown4730]

My grandad died and I never talked to anyone apart my phone recording KZbin videos. He passed away 1 year ago in October 2017 I still can’t talk about it very well and am nearly crying just righting this. You are a good man being able to talk about this this quickly and good luck to everyone in heaven and to you Paul.

[@jamesjimmytanny]

Love to yourself and your family Paul. Very touching video. I lost my mother to cancer several years ago. We were prepared for bad news, given a time frame (2-3 years) and then lost her 3 days later. Getting back into routine and getting the motivation to keep doing what you love is hard when the grief takes over. It takes time but it gets better and life goes on. Live is for the living. Head up! Carry on! And don't be afraid to grieve.

[@carolus3459]

Respect

[@MrSoundwave]

Identity releases Module 1 on March 21st Paul.I backed them too and upgraded to the Biker pledge.

[@jonathanfricke3234]

I know how you feel. I lost my grandma over Christmas and it still hurts to think about. Also glad to hear your back and can’t wait to see more of your videos.

[@frederickponting266]

Thanks Paul for creating such great content, I found your channel years ago when you was building your PC in an attempt to find a competent guide, I found this and more I started watching your collection of videos on ETS2 and instantly found a hobby I could get behind. Your videos have been there for me when I needed them, so i can hope that the community you provide for can provide for you through this tough time, best of wishes, happy trucking.

[@Rednax2004_]

Sorry for your lost paul. Let your mother have a good time above the clouds.

[@sanderskjoldal2067]

So sorry. This was sad watching.. I don´t know what to say.. I think the only thing I can say is that we are here for you, and you can take as much time as you want. We can wait.

[@shnurik01]

Much love from republic of moldova. Lately have not been on the channel, but always love to be here. My condolences for your mom, she was a great woman. She will be missed. Keep up the great and awesome work

[@hamkwkr96]

I have had the same experience. My mom passed 3yrs ago on Feb 06. I just remember the good times, then smile

[@MiddleEastBeast1]

Respect man

[@monksuu]

I don't accept your apology because you don't have any reason to apologize anything in my eyes. :) It's great you took the time you felt you needed to get your mindset right to get yourself back in working mode. Everybody grieves in a different way and it doesn't stop. Oh, I almost forgot: my condolences about (or is it for? [we Finns don't have all these unlogical little words but we do have lots of different ends to the word ;) ]) your loss. I struggle with a dementia through my dad whose 93 yo mum is really losing her memories. We just got her a nursery spot two weeks ago. My other 86 yo grand mum is also struggling remembering things but she's living with my mum. It was so nice to hear about your plans to live out some parts of the games you play! Keep on with them! Until next time... [insert some horn sounds here] :)

[@jamesjin1668]

33:40 Yes, breaks needs to happen, and Squirrel can certainly take a break like other people do when they lost a family member. Squirrel, you really made my journey on simulation games much easier with all your effort on all kinds of games. The home of simulation shall shine again!

[@joshmidgley2850]

I feel for you Paul. Sorry for your loss and condolences to you and your family. Great to see you back and Happy Trucking.

[@wwegameplay620]

I feel sorry for you squrril your videos are grate keep trucking for your mum I'm short she's prowd of you and you made me cry my name is Levi

[@PARTHAMAX]

Man.. I almost started crying from this.. I am truly sorry Paul

[@simonscriven5043]

You did what you had too do ...Never be sorry for that . I lost my dad nearly 10 years ago now and it is difficult losing a loved one ,especially a parent . Happy to see your back ...squirrel love and huge respect for wearing your heart on your sleeve making this video .

[@jamesfrost2502]

My dad passed in September 2017.. Christmas wasn't the same without him. we didn't even celebrate it and we never will again. for anyone who hasn't experienced a loss you really don't want to its the worst feeling in the world. Squirrell, keep your head up and stay happy. -James F :)

[@kacperlysko1067]

I'm sorry for you los squirrel

[@PARTHAMAX]

I’m sorry about your mother Paul...

[@Nebs1]

I was on KZbin 24 hours ago and randomly thought about how you haven't made any video for a while. Makes sense now. It was good to hear about everything that has been going on and I'm loving your ideas for this year. Keep up the good work

[@huwjanus]

Been there with Mum and Dad so I know how it is - condolences on your loss - but its good that you're back behind the wheel, for you because life has to go on, and for us because we get to see the best game videos on YT. Peace.

[@jessicawhell6206]

Rip SOS love you vids

[@Michael_Hamburg]

Wow, I really like your Videos and your voice. The story is quite sad, but I think it's very touchy. Greetings Michael

[@dlittlester]

I, for one, missed your videos. So sorry about your Mom. I've lost both my parents now. I think one of the hardest things for me was the fact that I'm here on the west coast and they were thousands of miles away. You read in the obits about all these people passing away surrounded by family. After my Dad died, back in 90 or 91, and ever since, I can hardly listen to "Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics. Just about every word applies to me and my relationship with him. Glad you're back!

[@ElliotCron]

Paul I have been watching your vids for 2 years now and I love all of your vids. when I heard that your mum had passed away I was shocked. keep up the good work paul. AND REMEMBER WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!

[@maritimefilminguk]

How touching Paul

[@robe3836]

sorry to hear about your mum I'm sure she would like you to be happy hope to see you at truckfest will you be there Saturday, Sunday, Monday?

[@wilga80]

I have enjoyed your videos for over a year. I am sorry for your loss. I do hope you have a good 2018. Look forward to your future videos. Best regards.

[@rickbennett5833]

I am sorry for your loss. I went through that about four years ago. But I glad you are back and looking forward tor your videos and vlogs to come in the future.

[@n00bistan29]

r.i.p

[@EddieTruckingAdventures]

Paul, in my 18 years on this planet, I have lost my Granddad, My Grandma, so far

[@legoentertainment8750]

The Mad Trucker both of my grandpas died before I was born so I never got to see them

[@mercedesw1232]

My father died when i was 7 and my both of my grandfathers died before i was born

[@matthewmcmahon684]

Paul, I’ve followed you for years. You’re my guilty pleasure on KZbin and your videos are always the highest standard. A lot of people love the work you do and admire you as a person. I’m so sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. We all hope you begin to feel better, because at the end of the day, we all care for you. ❤️❤️

[@bendeguz9]

No problem Squirell. Sorry for your loss. Be safe. I hope you back and be happy again with making videos.

[@theonetwocombo]

my cat also passed away on 13th november I feel the pain brother , hope your doing well :)

[@crazyclips1362]

R.I.P your mum

[@Pikachu55Pikachu55]

I never got to see my great grandmother for 3 months and when she passed away in 2016 it has been haunting me for 2 years

[@Fatal155]

Lovely message at start of the video, Really sorry for you loss can't imagine how hard it is for you, hope all the best for you and your family and it's great to see you making videos again :)

[@COMMANDERJOCO]

Sorry Paul. Some things have to happen. Your mom and dad are always watching you in heaven. Don't worry! Our glory greatest God ZEUS is making sure your parents are ok! No one will get past Zeus. Just make sure you never forget the your happiest day. Just like when Julius Ceaser died... Marc Antony cared for him. Plus the end of the world isn't here just yet. The happiest day is always in your heart. Hope for the happiest year Joey C

[@huutistaperkule6079]

Why does people dislike this

[@turgut104]

Why do*

[@KTL_RobPowell]

Squirrel, Hell of a way to remember your mother, very touching. :) We all deal with grief in different ways and from a person who lost his father at a young age, you've handled yourself with grace and professionalism.. Take care and thanks for the content you've provided and will continue to provide.

[@Rulledius]

i know how you feel Squirrel. I live with my grandmother and she has early stages of alzheimer disease and her short time memory are gone.. and we (her family) does not want to put her in a home to fade away so instead i live with her to take care of her.. keep up the good work love from Norway

[@billysbility]

So mom will never come home and see your summer car..? Anyway i hope you're feeling okay, it gets better.

[@PRM72]

Sorry for your loss Paul! Glad you're still around to make videos when you can. Keep on Truckin'!

[@joewoodhouse4435]

I’m am literally in tears for you I had a similar thing happen to me in 2017 my very close uncle had been saved many times in hospital but he eventually gave up. I also had similar thoughts. My mother had sorted out the funeral and the amount of paperwork that had to be signed etc. RIP for your mother. God bless you.

[@RetroPixels]

Its been a privilege to follow this journey with you Paul. You are an inspiration for youtubers out there, and even inspired myself to take up a similar journey. Never apologise for being human. Its good to have you back, and looking forward to an epic 2018

[@chevelle502]

So sorry for your loss. I know it's tough and I'm happy you took the time to talk to us about it. Take your time getting back in the swing of things.

[@kiryukazuma88]

Squirrel, I’m so sorry to hear this, I hope you’re okay and can fully recover, hang in there and never give up, I lost my Grandpa recently in april 2017 and I can see how hard it can be

[@SomeYouTubeGuy]

I can't remember the Sunday night trucking song word for word (it's been a while) but I know it says "You'll always have a friend" Many people have needed the friendship and understanding of the Nut house and this time it was you who needed it. Completely understandable.

[@jamescallaway2907]

Lost my mom when I was 13. Such a hard thing to go through. I will never forget the day she passed. I am glad your doing ok though. My condolences to you and your family.

[@ragefulhawk631]

Sorry to hear the passing of your mum. Sending all my support and best wishes to you and your family. Take as much time as you need, we all understand.

[@Vmuscle35]

Welcome back Paul, and so sorry to hear about your mum! Lost my brother 2 years ago and I understand where you are coming from. Take care and take your time on the videos.

[@onlysimulatorsgamers1822]

Extremely sorry for your loss and My deepest Condolences Squirrel and your families. May her soul REST IN PEACE.

[@raydlee.mobile]

Thank you for the update, squirrel, thoughts and hopes are with you and your family now and for the future.

[@BeastyBill88]

I'm sorry for your loss Paul. I can't imagine how you must feel losing your mum. Thoughts are with you and the family.

[@lasvesas234]

I'm sorry for your loss. Take your time. Nice that you will come back with your entertaining and inspirational videos!

[@meduka_meguca]

Glad to see you're back Paul! I'm so sorry for your loss... I unfortunately lost my grandfather to dementia early January of this year, I can understand the struggle you must have had to go through... to an extent. Once again, my condolences mate, hope things get better for you in 2018!

[@Snart79]

I live in Vegas, I'll be there for sure. There are a couple pubs in town that will make you feel right at home. Make sure you visit McMullen's Irish Pub and The Crown and Anchor. The Irish breakfast at McMullen's is top notch and the fish and chips at the crown and anchor are spot on.

[@peterbratt2485]

I send u a hug from sweden 🙏🏻 lost my mom When I was 7 years old n my dad around 18teen ! About the euro games all I can say is that u really help me ”to feel like Im drivning again” got stroke in december 2016 n still paralysed in left arm n leg so live my life in a wheelchair n also have problems with my eyes !so thank u for your videos thank u so much for doing this 🙏🏻❤️😊