a rough night.

[@swaglieri]

i don’t think she’ll ever understand how strong of a role model/mother figure she is for millions of people she’s never met

[@mczee2958]

Yeessss absolutely!! She is like the sister I wish I had

[@Chacha-fc3ns]

She’s my idol I love her so much.

[@isabellaLouiseee]

PERIOD

[@Rachel-nd2jy]

Sooooo true

[@kedar1240]

IK so True!!

[@kenzyheavilin9427]

just because someone else has broken more bones doesn’t mean that yours does not hurt. your feelings are valid.

[@Aragedie]

She needs to make merch with this on it. Sooo true!!

[@TdM1019]

This. 100% this.

[@shanesekaren6413]

YES OMG! THATS PERFECT WAY TO PUT IT! ❤️

[@sarahvanos6179]

This!

[@yashila5353]

@blv please just stop someone told you on her last video too that this isn't the time or place to self promote

[@evalynn1863]

They're not just pee sticks. They are documentation of a journey you went on. They are memories of an experience you had. Keep them until there comes a day that you feel like you don't need to.

[@meganstapo1867]

She should put the pregnancy tests in a little box along with a teddy and bury them in the garden. That’s what my friend did when she had a miscarriage, they had a little send off for their baby that could have been

[@novalimon7824]

I still have my positive test I took before my abortion, it’s normal to feel some sort of attachment

[@sarahlynes2248]

I used a digital test for the pregnancy that I miscarried and I kept them until the screen died. It was almost two years later before I was comfortable throwing them away

[@whisperingwillowtrees]

@blv actually shut up fr

[@ramzeisqueen2974]

1k like

[@Maybaby213]

my only pet peeve with Colleen is that she always apologizes for her feelings, or tries to minimize it and compare it to others.. GIRL YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE SAD! You dont need to talk down to yourself

[@vegasvancitygirl9251]

EXACTLY!!

[@jaclynbunker5954]

i agree that she shouldn't have to apologize but she feels the need to because people online pick her apart for every single thing she says or does

[@sydneymartelle-stafford2952]

Thank you!! someone said it

[@kaylahanson6710]

@@vegasvancitygirl9251 omg i am so sad

[@s0ngstr3ssofthes3a2]

i so much agree about that! If Collen reads this u can be sad!

[@devinaparker]

Just because the person next to you is in a full body cast does not mean that your broken arm doesn't hurt. Stop apologizing we all love you and want you to understand that your feelings are totally valid.

[@emilymcnees7045]

Exactly this! People shouldn't feel that their struggles are more or less than someone else's. I went through something difficult two years ago and my friend's dog passed away during that time. She was worried about being upset about her pet around me. I told her that trauma and pain are not measured. Her sadness was justified. Suffering is not a competition.

[@Cupoisa]

@ivb we are talking about someone’s mental health and their life. This is no time to be promoting a Chanel. To go promote a Chanel do it somewhere more appropriate.

[@aakano15]

💯 agree with this just because someone else is having sewer slidal thoughts doesn't mean that your depression is any less

[@powellpicc1985]

This this THIS!! Just because someone else might have it harder doesn't mean your experience isn't difficult! That's a perfect analogy.

[@devinaparker]

@@elizabethpixley5513 I'm so sorry that you have to go through that or anything similar. Sending love❤️

[@hailey714]

Girl, save those pregnancy tests. They are so much more than just urine sticks. All of your feelings are so valid, so give yourself permission to feel them in order to heal. As someone who has been dealing with infertility for three years, I really appreciate you documenting this process and being so vulnerable. Sending you so much love. You are so strong and will make it through this, but it’s also okay to feel and grieve. ❤️

[@charliestardustlive]

Sending love your way Hailey. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years too, we thought 2020 was gonna be our year but we’re still waiting. ❤️🙏🏻

[@hailey714]

@@charliestardustlive We thought the same, but I found out I have two conditions causing infertility: PCOS and a pituitary tumor causing hormone issues. Started fertility meds after regulating my hormones, and we were on the right track, but I got the call today that I didn’t ovulate with the fertility meds, so it’s another setback 😫it’s hard for sure, especially when several friends have had two babies in the time we’ve tried to have one. It’s such a strange feeling being so happy for friends yet feeling a gaping hole in my heart. Thanks for sharing and sending you all the love too! 2021 will be our year! ❤️

[@AprilSki]

Before I was born my mom was going to have twins but she sadly had a miscarriage and she told me she was really excited for them but then I came

[@hailey714]

@@elmobabe979 That’s a great idea!

[@hailey714]

@@AprilSki Such a sad event turned into something beautiful.

[@paytonlautz5724]

a miscarriage is a miscarriage, nobody should invalidate your feelings. i love you, you’re so strong. don’t be nervous to share your honest feelings. you care, that’s beautiful.

[@emilyk9146]

Yes

[@Shutupdede]

period!

[@BakerBettie]

I didn't even know I was pregnant when I had my miscarriage and it was still incredibly traumatic and heartbreaking. You never have to justify yourself and the pain you feel over this loss. It doesn't matter if you were early. Your pain is real and valid. Sending you so much love.

[@elizabethhamby2628]

You're so strong ❤️❤️

[@peytonlouise]

Same thing happened to my mom, to this day it's still a touchy topic in my family

[@misseselise3864]

To add on: you don’t have to want a pregnancy to be saddened by a loss. It’s still heartbreaking. It’s still a life lost. She’s allowed to be saddened by her loss even if she didn’t necessarily want to be pregnant. And to you- I’m so sorry for your loss & I hope you’re doing/feeling better now (and if not, I hope you start doing/feeling better soon) We’re here for you, Colleen. If you need to vlog & distract ourselves, we’ll do that. If you need time off, we’ll enjoy that. We love you.

[@evaisaiahhall]

I'm very sorry you went through this. I've had two myself. One was very early on and the second one I was 14 weeks and had to have surgery to remove my baby whose heart stopped. I'm praying for you and your sweet family. I love you💜

[@jamiemeads1865]

Same here. Everyone always say “at least you didn’t know” and yes that probably would have made it worse but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is absolutely traumatic and heart breaking. Sending you lots of love❤️

[@robynlevine1638]

I’d just like to point out that this incredible woman has filmed and posted a vlog everyday, deal with mental health, be extremely COVID safe and make millions of people have a moment of happiness everyday for a YEAR!!! She may have missed 5 days total! She has some superpowers!

[@sappy5143]

she's so awesome!

[@riyapatil6191]

She absolutely does!

[@rachstine2791]

She's amazing

[@tvd4life862]

Periodttttttttt

[@mylieh]

@Robyn Levine you are so right she is so amazing!

[@itsabbsturn1379]

Don’t say that your is not as important as someone more far along. A miscarriage is a miscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss . 💜💜

[@Lisa-PTN]

I find it sad that she always tries to downplay her experiences. I know she's trying to be mindful of others but her experiences are just as painful and hurtful.

[@tristinwright7774]

I agree, doesn’t matter how far along into the pregnancy someone was at when miscarried. You still lost a baby and it is okay to grieve that lost. Who cares what anyone says.

[@itsabbsturn1379]

@@tristinwright7774 exactly her feelings are valued and she needs to hang on to those pregnancy test and not throw them away just because she feels like people will judge her.

[@tristinwright7774]

@@itsabbsturn1379, I agree! I think it is ridiculous she feels she has to throw away the pregnancy test because she is worried people will judge her! She should keep the pregnancy test and not act like she has to pretend it never happen because she worried how people will judge her. It is just ridiculous and she needs to stop worrying so much about what people think

[@inlove262]

this 👆👆👆 right here

[@mackenzietalley4947]

It doesn’t matter how far along you were, you lost your baby and your feelings are still valid.

[@9009kate]

We have had 9 miscarriages and it is so hard. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it DOES get better! There is no use in comparing pain because pain is pain.

[@alina-yc2bl]

you are the strongest person ever for getting through that. oh my god.

[@angela.paterson]

You're so strong. I wish you nothing but love for your future family

[@hamdahmed3207]

the news was shocking af to me,she doesnt deserve this. sending love to colleen and every other women who has had to go thru it❤️

[@kaylacheyenne5580]

Unfortunately it’s not a matter of deserving or not.. it’s something that’s too common that’s not talk about enough.

[@jordyndowdell7834]

What happened?

[@kaylacheyenne5580]

@@jordyndowdell7834 she had a miscarriage.

[@kidsbaker5677]

@@jordyndowdell7834 she had a miscarriage😪

[@baileytodtenbier1367]

agree with sentiment but reminder that nobody deserves this!

[@shaunasuggscollier7019]

“Grief is just love that has no place to go”. I live by that ever since I lost my dad in a car wreck 2.5 years ago. ❤️ your grief will ALWAYS be there. I love you!

[@ginnydanielle]

I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing that quote

[@lauren8627]

Oh god. Thank you for that quote. I still miss my grandma after 6.5 years. It's so true.

[@giselacappiello9110]

Thank you for sharing that quote. I didn't know it but it means so much.

[@annamaezingmeow]

This is an incredible quote ❤️

[@whatsup3944]

sorry :(

[@joleagunsolus6293]

Colleen is one of the strongest women I've ever seen. she is such a role model and an amazing person

[@km-dw1he]

you can say that again!

[@livjohnson132]

Periodt

[@staycentral4756]

Yes

[@mariamomar1622]

I TOTALLY agree

[@siobhanslife6519]

A miscarriage at any stage is a loss, a loss is heartbreaking, wether you lose a baby at 3/4/5 weeks or 33/34/35 weeks anywhere before after or in between, it’s still a loss, don’t ever feel like you can’t hurt as much as a woman further along who suffers a loss ❤️

[@theorangeshed5848]

Colleen: starts apologizing that she had an early miscarriage Me: no... stop... why do you do this

[@karenhunter8095]

I agree. I often wonder why Colleen apologizes for her feelings so much. I think it's due to social media and getting burned by haters... if not, I hope she gets to the bottom of why she does not legitimize her own feelings... because that makes me sad for her....

[@Justme-ep3rc]

That bothers me too. I understand she may hear opposing opinions but majority aren’t questioning every feeling or thought she has...I just want her to be authentic and not explain every single thing...most of us 100% get it and understand her intentions.

[@jakerobin1741]

@@karenhunter8095 obviously this isn’t an answer for why she apologizes for existing lol but it is a very common thing for people with anxiety or adhd to “over explain” or not legitimize your own feelings :) it can also be some past trauma a long with that but like I said I’m not one to say what is what and that is her business

[@nyxlawrence1074]

Killua!

[@minzie]

@@jakerobin1741 as someone with ADHD, I can confirm this.

[@jarochacruz4333]

I really went from a young teen admiring Colleen and now I'm an adult mom admiring another mother🥺

[@elliothegland7843]

I love that

[@roaringdabs9266]

Aww🥺

[@kaitiharmless4322]

Those pregnancy tests aren't "just your urine," they are memories with your little one. It is so valid to keep them as memories and mourn the very short time you had with your baby. They are what you have left to remember your baby by, so do not feel bad if they are much more than simply pee on a stick to you. You have every right to cherish them Colleen ❤

[@summerherring6243]

😭😭😭💗💗your so right!! she needs to cherish what she has left of her little lost one! even though it makes her sad she should keep them in a box to look at when she wants to have a little reminder that her little lost one will allways be with her.

[@anonymousa8574]

SaskiaSims perhaps it was... but it is still sad for her so it’s not your business

[@summerherring6243]

@SaskiaSims that doesn’t mean it wasn’t going to be a baby, even though it might have been a blob it still was alive. it still was growing into a human. you were a blob once too you know and do you think your mother didn’t love you?

[@ashleyandrzejewski6852]

I feel like she should make a little box and put the sticks in there and wright some letters in it and other things she had when she went through this journey

[@tehechristatehe]

You're absolutely right. Regardless of the science that was still her baby and it is absolutely ok and valid for her to remember the time with her baby that she did get to have and grieve the ending of that time.

[@sierracorthell6575]

I get why you can’t throw them away. It’s the only physical proof you gave of the life that was in you. It makes sense 🤍 put them in a nice little box and add them to a box of memories ☺️

[@gemgem4427]

I’ve kept all mine Breaks my heart to look at them 💔

[@haleehowe9810]

I've kept all mine too

[@meghank4746]

When my mom had her miscarriage she made a little box with everything to do with her pregnancy ❤️

[@natalierene8429]

mine did too, that’s a great idea

[@crazy_cap_mushroom]

Aww that's really cute! Also a really good idea

[@moriahcluff3367]

😭❤️

[@danapage9368]

I really. Hope one day she can be your mom at four and it’s just heartbreaking to hear that she had a miscarriage I really hope I’m not the only one that cried when she told us that she had a miscarriage

[@crazy_cap_mushroom]

@@danapage9368 I couldn't stop crying. I didn't even sleep at all. I feel for Colleen and everyone else who has had a miscarriage. I hope that you all heal. Know that I'm thinking of you all.🥺❤

[@melissan1079]

I love how Flynn refers to himself as baby. He is the cutest

[@morgan8368]

Actually he refers to himself as “bebey” 😂

[@melissan1079]

@@morgan8368 lol true

[@brookmarie8206]

Lol my niece does the same thing at almost three 😂 we are trying to break that habit but it is so funny

[@elysiafortunati824]

Omgg my 2 yo cousin does that too, they are so cuteee ✨🥰

[@lvb3612]

uhm...so, hello, on youtube, search for “chill yall” on youtube, its worth it.

[@Cleoforshort1]

The fact Flynn is forming practically full sentences, he was a baby a year ago (like literally couldn’t walk/talk) and now he’s a proper toddler 🥺

[@BeckleJM]

I know!!! I know quarantine has been very difficult for the ballinger family but Flynn is thriving having Colleen and Erik home more often

[@nina_chillens]

Colleen whispering “it’s gone” just about ripped my heart out. 😢 ❤️

[@kimberdungey9644]

At the beginning she said “I don’t want people to worry and be sad” but I can’t not be sad it’s so sad what your going through Colleen. I hope you don’t give up and keep living life as you want it❤️ Omg thanks for 1k likes 😂 bless you all❤️

[@emilyh7621]

I truly cried

[@beverleyblair2678]

I feel the same

[@AB-mx1de]

Colleen, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you so much since yesterday and cried with you. I can relate to some of the things you're going through. Sending love your way.

[@LadyMiah]

Same. 🥺 And looking through the comments people are so sweet and kind. ♥️

[@raissaqila]

@@LadyMiah I'm glad to see the amount of kind people here, she deserves them

[@oliviakarlen4249]

Cherish those pregnancy tests Colleen. Make a cute box for them, get crafty and visit that box as you please❤️

[@larahoyer3654]

That's what I thought as well, I'd probably put them away for a bit and someday make a little display/craft/photoframe thingy with them. I think rn they might just make you sad, everytime you look at them. So allow yourself to heal and pull them out whenever you're ready and think they won't open up the wound again completely. ♡ stay strong queen

[@ashleyman5315]

Maybe put the sticks in a box and bury them with a note of how you feel and all your feelings and somthing you would say to the baby so it can reflect as you putting the baby to rest it could help you grieve aswell

[@oliviaconway9150]

This is such a lovely idea, I hope she see’s this!!✨💛

[@bethanyhedberg1993]

We did this after our miscarriage. ❤️

[@katiejohnson3571]

When Flynn gets older he’s going to tell his friends that he’s so excited about advent, then realize that it supposed to be only for Christmas time.

[@emma-dm3xz]

The fact that Flynn refers to himself as "baby" is so precious

[@musicmainly1154]

Ikr

[@Barrow708]

Yeah

[@shannon-bg3ol]

You probably won’t see this but my mom actually had two miscarriages between my brothers and I. I don’t mean to sound selfish when I say this but I wouldn’t be here today if my mom didn’t have to go through that and me and her are best of friends. I hope it brings you some comfort to know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel❤️

[@keelinboggan7881]

The same thing happend to my mom

[@uctdruxkgxfuxlhcgic406]

@blv not the time bud

[@digitaljobshop]

hey same here. my mom had 3 kids and 3 miscarriages and i'm the 6th.

[@ariella8787]

This is a beautiful thing to say, and it made me cry 🧡

[@SelenaRose2013]

Within two days of a positive pregnancy test I miscarried. It doesn’t matter how early it is. It’s still heartbreaking and you’re allowed to grieve all the same.

[@tvinson39]

My chemical pregnancy felt exactly that way....just cruel, especially the horrible pain of the actual miscarriage it just puts insult to injury, it was traumatic. But with time, the memory of that feeling seems lighter and it has gotten easier to bear, hope you give yourself lots of time to cry and feel sad, it helps so much ❤

[@caoimheduffy3143]

WI

[@llewela7014]

Don't invalidate your feelings. Your feelings, your sadness and your grief are all very valid and real. A loss is a loss. Xx

[@KaijaSerene]

You are so strong, Colleen. We love you ❤️

[@markmunoz9501]

Yesss

[@addyyy18]

:)

[@CD-jq8gn]

PREEEEECH✨❤️✨

[@victoriagarcia5862]

Yess❤❤❤

[@jaydalaw1985]

1000th like :)

[@sam.m.i.e_ralston]

Y'all better not invalidate her feelings just cause her miscarriage was early... I got my eye on you

[@pearl_cove07]

Yup

[@callmeclaireee]

I’m ready to fight the haters with you. I swear to god if I see any negative comments 😤

[@mwestonbloop]

There’s also quite a lot of hormonal stuff happening that makes going through this extremely mentally taxing. Even if she never knew she was pregnant, she’d still be feeling horrible and sensitive. It’s physically and mentally difficult to experience.

[@ghostii716]

literally

[@Salmakindgirlloveoutoypups4ceo]

i got my on you you better watch it why not jellyfish

[@poojaaryamane7327]

You have to stop discounting your pain in relation to other more intense pain, everything is relative!! By saying those words you're causing yourself tremendous hurt. We love you and your pain is valid.

[@Trae4499]

Hold onto the sticks until you’re ready to let them go. Put them in a box and out of the way but in a place where you know they’re there if you need to look at them. You’re such a strong beautiful person. It takes time to heal. You’ll get there. ❤️❤️❤️

[@jubileerivera9462]

This is so similar to what said in my comment. I mean when I saw her face at the end, it broke my heart. She has cried online but never like that.

[@melatoninqueen6914]

I lost a sibling to miscarriage, we didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. I know it doesn’t compare to being a mom and losing a baby but you’re not alone

[@raesplace]

i as well lost 4 siblings to miscarriage and two from not being able to survive it hurts and sicks and i am all alone without all of them but its ok because its me and my mom against the world

[@mayamerchant8613]

The same exact thing happened to me too....I can’t imagine how she feels

[@lyricparadise7899]

Sorry for your loss!!!!!!!!!!!

[@lyricparadise7899]

@@raesplace sorry for your loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@jennyhill7190]

Same here. I’m the youngest of 7 kids. The oldest was a stillborn who was a son, then my brother who died the same day he was born, then my brother who’s alive, then my brother who died the day after he was born, then the twins who were miscarriages then me.

[@jennayoung5457]

I don’t think she realizes how good of a role model and mother she is. she always goes out of her way to make anybody else in her life happy, even people she has never met. She deserves the world and more, i’m praying for you and your family colleen through these rough times I know what you’re going through isn’t fair but it will get better♥️

[@alyssalitwiller7885]

This is so true. She is such a role model but is so hard on herself.

[@nohoes33]

When Colleen let out a soft, little “It’s gone” my heart just completely broke, if only she knew 6 months later she’d be 19 weeks pregnant with twins!! I’m so sorry for her that she had to go through this but she is going to have a little boy and girl that will be amazing and be another light in her life!!

[@eleanorbrady5381]

Colleen, someone drowning in 7ft of water is drowning just as much as someone drowning in 20ft of water. Just because you didn't have a later miscarriage doesn't mean you didn't loose your baby. You can't compare your pain to someone in a differnet situation because your still hurting. Pain is a subjective thing and everyone feels it differently so just beacuse you feel like other people have a worse experience doesn't mean you aren't having a bad experience. We all love you so much and hope your doing okay. ❤❤💜💜♥️♥️💜💜♥️♥️💜💜

[@dreannalebrun]

Yes! It makes me so sad to see her invalidate her feelings because there are people who have “been through worse”. I hope she sees your comment 😌

[@kinseyboston1114]

That is a wonderful analogy! I hope she sees this and realizes how valid her feelings really are.

[@eleanorbrady5381]

@@dreannalebrun thank you

[@eleanorbrady5381]

@@kinseyboston1114 thank you

[@Emily-pw1vk]

Yes! This!!

[@jessy.l]

I recently had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I'd been having an awful pregnancy as it was. The way to describe it as cruel hit me so hard. You are right. All I want to do is scream at the world in anger and heartbreak. Our babies may be gone, but they are so loved and missed. I love you, we are here for you all

[@AtHomeWithTia]

I also just went through a 10.5 week miscarriage 😭😭😭 after trying for months & months... I’m so sad. I’m sorry for your loss!

[@jessy.l]

@@AtHomeWithTia I’m so sorry for your loss too. Sending love

[@aoibhindeasy7088]

Sending love to you and your families. My mum has had three miscarriages and me and my two siblings believe that they are our gaurdian angels watching over us

[@veenaazvaid6782]

I am so sorry for your loss! Sending loads of love and hugs💖

[@lanaal0v3rr89]

I’m so sorry 🤍!

[@jaylinneurbieta]

Flynn was like “turn it off”, “put it in the box”, “AND RETURN IT”

[@conniedolati6573]

he was so creeped out💀💀 and i don’t blame him lmaooo

[@littlemissbekah9722]

They aren't just sticks with your urine on them, I mean I guess technically maybe, but it's the object that told you that you might have another baby. It's your way of proving they did exist, at least for a while. It's your souvenir.

[@-simplicity7551]

When she was holding them in a fistful as her only thing left from her baby....I really felt the weight and reality of it

[@zenitisaqt2320]

when you said “it’s gone” it really got me I’m sobbing

[@gretchenwieners5829]

I know...

[@venuki6080]

Omg yes I feel so sad but she is so strong ❤️

[@PaigeA6741]

I’m so sorry Colleen the ending made me so sad. Thank you for sharing this with us because I’m sure there are other women who won’t feel so alone if they’re going through the same thing

[@fizz3579]

colleen if you see this i just want to say that you’ll get through this. i love you gurl.

[@Madison_E]

I am sure she will she is really really strong

[@SomethingStrange910]

The baby just had cold feet. He/she will come to Colleen again because she's such a wonderful mom. ❤️

[@Nosnowbalz]

This comment made me cry😭

[@peytoncorrigan5817]

awe this is so sweet

[@Therealshabbosqueen]

aww thats beautiful!

[@Michelle-ir5yy]

I hope so! ❤

[@Hailey-yy4zk]

Aw

[@sashahernandez93]

I miscarried at 8 weeks and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I felt alone and undeserving. I knew I had to be strong for my daughter. Then a year later I had my rainbow baby and now I’m expecting another. Thank You for sharing your story. It’s something many women go through and we need to comfort each other ❤️❤️

[@kaylaprimo1486]

I miscarried at 8 weeks too ❤ due 1 year from my D&C September 1st with my rainbow baby girl 🥰

[@emilycranford9316]

A loss is a loss no matter how far along you are. Shame on any one who makes you feel other wise. Sending you so much love and support mama 💕

[@alyssalitwiller7885]

YES! This is so important.

[@ivoryhoney6968]

My mother has had so many miscarriages. I know the feeling of losing someone you haven’t even met. You got it babe! Everyone is here to support you! I hope you are ok!

[@cawesomewhatever]

When you said “it’s gone” just broke me. That meant so many things I saw someone say that they put their pregnancy stuff after having a miscarriage in a box credit to that person who said that. Just know that we are all here for you and your feelings are valid no matter how bad others have it you are never sick enough sad enough to need help or to feel valid. All the love.❤️❤️

[@janetv2708]

What's the time stamp :/

[@Lauren-xr9ow]

@@janetv2708 I was going to ask that too

[@moriahr7592]

@@janetv2708 21:37 😔

[@moriahr7592]

@@Lauren-xr9ow 21:37 😞

[@Lauren-xr9ow]

@@moriahr7592 thank you :( I just don’t want to cry

[@hannahgood19]

I have a "Rosie box" a box with everything for my baby girl i lost

[@summermayfield6179]

I’m sorry for your loss :(

[@radioactive_baby]

I almost wish I had a box for my sister that my mother lost. Instead I only have a poems that I wrote her. Its been like 13 years since it happened (I'm now almost 21) but I still think about her everyday.

[@brooke1208]

Hi Colleen, if you’ve never heard about microchimerism, I thought tonight would be the time to inform you or anyone reading. This is something that really helped me cope with my loss and really validated my experience. Here is a clip from an article, “Within weeks of conception, cells from both mother and foetus traffic back and forth across the placenta, resulting in one becoming a part of the other. During pregnancy, as much as 10 per cent of the free-floating DNA in the mother’s bloodstream comes from the foetus”...”And the foetus need not come to full term to leave its lasting imprint on the mother: a woman who had a miscarriage or terminated a pregnancy will still harbour foetal cells.” In summary meaning, although you’ve lost, with each and every pregnancy - wether full term or loss - YOUR DNA physically changes, harboring a part of baby inside you forever. They’ll always be with you.

[@blueeffervescence3161]

Shoot! That made me cry! What a beautiful message, here ❤️

[@ameliejohnson3308]

I said that too in the last video, I hope every single one of these comments touches her heart and calms her. She deserves the world. ❤️❤️❤️

[@sucrose3339]

youre making me cry 😭💕

[@fionadavis7047]

Colleen is so selfless! She didn’t want to make us feel bad for her she wanted to spread awareness about Miscarriages she is the most amazing person in the world and I don’t care what anyone else says! Try to change my mind.

[@sabrinazeng1432]

yeah..... 😥😥😥she's so amazing and i love her.

[@Therealshabbosqueen]

i wont try change your mind because i absolutely agree with you. Colleen is amazing and i love her

[@roxysmom1986]

When Colleen said “it’s gone” it just broke me.

[@wright_louise1236]

What time did she say that?????? Now I’m curious lol 😂

[@m3gan_andtheboys975]

@@wright_louise1236 how’s it funny? Like seriously 😐

[@roxysmom1986]

@@wright_louise1236 she said it at 21:39

[@sortathesame8701]

@@m3gan_andtheboys975 I suspect she didn't know they were tears of laughter, she just saw tears and thought it would be appropriate. Not everyone is as computer literate as you. Why see others in the worst possible light? Always give people the benefit of the doubt if possible!

[@haley5532]

@@sortathesame8701 i see where you are coming from, and i am usually always looking at the good side of people, except they did use "lol" which means "laughing out loud"

[@christianalvarez5102]

I personally don’t think it matters how far along you are. A loss is a loss and that’s heartbreaking. You’re aloud to be upset without comparing yourself to others who have lost a loss of a baby who was further along. Your emotions are valid and we’re all here for you. I’m not a woman but You’re an amazing and strong woman and you have so much support in your corner and we’re all here for you❤️

[@breannabowers1395]

Colleen, you could always bury the box of pregnancy plants and plant something next to them. Maybe some flowers, make a small fairy garden. do what you need, i love you:)

[@vc1278]

I love this idea

[@chasewilcox]

She honestly is the most hardest working women I've ever seen/heard. She is so strong, and she deserves everything!

[@chasewilcox]

[@spagetd1526]

when i was three, my mom lost two twin boys. it wasn’t a miscarriage, it was a different situation that my mom couldn’t have done anything to prevent. i never knew my brothers and i never got to see them, but as their older sister i wish every day that they were still here. i love them so much. they would be thirteen this year. stay strong colleen, love you ❤️

[@vivi-gd9hb]

i am so so sorry for your loss.

[@garrettbranum5674]

Hun im so sorry

[@caitlingeeslin4762]

We lost twin boys in December. It just feels comforting that someone else has dealt with the same thing.

[@yourfavoriteoompaloompa139]

@@caitlingeeslin4762 I’m sorry for your lost

[@spagetd1526]

@@caitlingeeslin4762 i’m so sorry, i hope you guys are doing better

[@katybaker4650]

If you need any more time off I’m sure everyone will back me up but you take it you do what you need to do to feel better. You are such a role model for sharing this story with us.

[@aubreydavis3500]

Yeah I 100% agree. Colleen is basically like a online mom to me. She talks about stuff that I’m pretty interested to know and understand.

[@andreacasanovamusic]

a miscarriage is a miscarriage and what you’re feeling is valid. please don’t invalidate your feelings. you matter. love yourself continuously as you love others. talk to yourself the same way you talk to your best friends. you matter colleen. 🤍

[@yassydney]

colleen, i know you won’t see this, but i just want to say, thank you for sharing your life with us. thank you for sharing about mental illness. you have no idea how much it means to me and others. i love you so much 💖 you’re like a second sister to me

[@clare_dwyer]

Omg I feel the same way!!💕💕

[@abbytravers2306]

A loss is a loss!! Your feeling are VALID! It doesn’t matter if it was at 5 weeks or 20... it still hurts both physically and mentally. ❤️ I am glad that you’re feeling better. Thank you for using your platform to speak about this. #1in4

[@mitzyfigueroa1625]

Whenever Colleen looks, talks, or hangs out with flynn it's just a beautiful energy. Her eyes light up and it makes me so happy inside🥰

[@ApeEscape7]

When Flynn said “can I hold it?” Idk why but I squeeled with joy it was soooo cute omg he’s the cutest human seriously

[@ikuluvjess]

I know right

[@yvonnegarriga9072]

Honey, a miscarriage is a miscarriage. It doesn’t matter how far they are. You don’t need to explain it to anyone.

[@evakazmierski4311]

What are you trying to say I don’t get it

[@vinalycent]

@@evakazmierski4311 I think they're trying to say that just because she wasn't super far along doesn't mean she shouldn't the sad. No matter how far along you are a miscarriage is a miscarriage. It's okay to be super upset about it even if you were only a week or 7 months along. Pain is pain, and it's okay to feel it. and she doesn't need to explain why she is hurting inside.

[@Chachis53]

Exactly! People need to understand that losing a baby hurts at any moment of the pregnancy and there’s no shame about feeling devastated about it.

[@niamhmcmillan5099]

@@evakazmierski4311 she’s saying that it doesn’t matter how far along you are with a miscarriage, the pain physically and emotionally will still hurt the same and she shouldn’t have to explain/apologise to anybody 💕

[@kristengray8214]

If you drown in a pool vs an ocean it’s still drowning..

[@Lexonthemoon]

NOW YOU ARE PREGNANT MAMA!!! 💜💙💜💙 I’m so excited

[@kaitlino9038]

I can't watch this vlog because my miscarriage is the most traumatic and scarring thing I have ever experienced but I wanted to comment still and say I'm so sorry this happened and you will probably never see this but I'm here to talk if you need someone. I'm so sorry.

[@lizzyadventurouslife3648]

You are so loved and valid. *Virtual hugs*

[@Missakiah]

Hiiii!! I just want you to know that I’m here for you and I’m sending all the virtual hugs that I can.

[@maryroseleivas8236]

Would you like us to time stamp where to stop and start for you?

[@maryroseleivas8236]

Start 7:31 playing with Flynn Stop: 16:45 ending of dance party. The next few mins after she talks more and I would for sure skip that.

[@uglyduck3172]

Much love to you! 💗

[@carolperry7695]

Light some candles. Put tests in a box. Write a letter of your hopes and feelings. Watch the fire with Erik. Talk cry grieve

[@shoyohinata5744]

I think keeping the tests is proof that you are a warrior, that you are a fighter, a survivor. We love you Colleen! We all love you and your family so much!!💕

[@saima5324]

I literally laughed out loud seeing Flynn politely relaying that he didn't like the coin machine toy. He saw that his mom likes it and didn't want to hurt her by shutting it down hard. Such a sweet boy.

[@PrincessPeyten]

I honestly don’t blame Flynn for being afraid of the coin thing I’d be terrified of it too lol😂😂😂

[@emmagroves7919]

I'm 39 and it freaked me out that things horrible lol

[@kateamisulashvili5381]

@@emmagroves7919 hahahahah😂❤️

[@ElenaPerez-iy5ih]

That thing is freaking creepy! She should get the cute panda one for him

[@Thighceratops]

Omg i HATED it hahaha so freaky

[@Amber-ge9yo]

Colleen was so good at showing Flynn how it wasn’t real as well it was so cute

[@katherineb.8955]

You could bury your pregnancy tests in a box in the backyard as a ceremonial thing to try and help you heal.

[@messy_nessy.x]

Good idea!

[@ella-sd1le]

@@LegolasThranduilion girl what😃

[@annythekettle7031]

@@LegolasThranduilion you don't know how that would make her feel because it depends from person to person. It was just a suggestion.

[@annythekettle7031]

@@LegolasThranduilion then that's what she'll do, I don't see why you're getting mad at a comment proposing a suggestion that could potentially help.

[@annythekettle7031]

@@LegolasThranduilion not necessarily, it could bring closure. Nobody's forcing you, her or anyone else to do that but it could help some people. You don't think it would help you? Great, don't do it and keep scrolling.

[@baileyg3482]

Colleen is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known

[@baileyg3482]

Love how I don’t even actually know her either but she feels like family

[@Paigeee11]

Yah I love her so much

[@emmacamper5665]

When she said “it’s gone” that broke me... I’m so sorry Colleen I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and so many other women in the world... I’m only 15 and I have learned so much from these videos and I understand why it’s so emotional, having your future taken away from you like that has to be so hard... I support you in everything that you do, your so strong and beautiful. I hope to be half the woman you are one day❤️

[@challengeexcepted520]

COLLEEN. I KNOW YOUR SCARED OF HURTING OTHERS BUT IF YOU WERE TO SAY “OUCH THIS HURTS.” AND SOMEONE ELSE SAYS “WELL I HURT WORSE.” THAT IS ON THEM. NOT YOU. PLEASE DONT APOLOGIZE.

[@Venusisntdead]

EXACTLY

[@EsMe3_]

YEAH! ALSO WHY WE ALL ON CAPS LOCK?!

[@lacyshoenfelt1620]

LOVE THIS

[@Jazilou]

THIS IS SOME AGGRESSIVE POSITIVITY

[@Susset007]

I think you should a little memorial and burry the pregnancy test along with notes from you and your family and plant a nice little tree or flowers so you grief and maybe that can be a way of getting your anger out and much more emotions. Much love Colleen. You lost a baby and he/she will always be loved by you and your loved ones ❤💕

[@leila4639]

aww this made me cry 😭 this is such a sweet idea 😘

[@avionchelsea]

this is a wonderful idea. i 100% agree with you

[@Susset007]

@@leila4639 thank you :) its important to mourn, especially at times like this, and help Colleen and her family go through everything and grow and get closer, they are such a wonderful family that they would have no trouble in this at all and supporting one another ❤ many hugs to you as well Leila

[@Susset007]

@@avionchelsea thank you :) it's important to validate what she is going through and her other family members and I think doing this can help in many ways

[@myliemusick6871]

flynn is literally going to have the happiest childhood ever.

[@tofshe8336]

Ikr his family is always around him💞💞

[@Homiegfunk1103]

Yeah

[@ravenhairedbiitch11]

My mom had a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with my sister, and I don’t think either me or my sister would’ve existed if she didn’t have that miscarriage. So all I have to say is even though it is HORRIBLE there is always a silver lining ❤️

[@MandaPanda0929]

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and we got pregnant with my oldest daughter 2 months later. As painful as that miscarriage was we would never have our daughter here if we hadn't experienced it. I think about that baby all the time(it's been 9 years) but I'm so thankful for the children we've been blessed with❤

[@samigrl1234]

A miscarriage that early is called a "chemical pregnancy" - don't let anyone tell you it's not a miscarriage. This was a miscarriage and you are grieving a miscarriage. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I wish you have a smooth grieving process. Good luck.

[@animesniperwolf1710]

@@paulafamularo5001 shush

[@kenzyfiona]

@@paulafamularo5001 Do you even know what you’re talking about? A chemical pregnancy is a miscarriage that happens before 8 weeks. That’s the medical definition. Colleen said she was somewhere between 4-5 weeks, so that’s a chemical pregnancy. If she was 8-9 weeks then yeah you’d be correct, but she made it clear it was a very early.

[@irisjaffe4657]

She said in the video that she was feeling the physical pain of a miscarriage. She said she was bleeding and cramping and that wouldn’t happen if it was a chemical pregnancy.

[@animesniperwolf1710]

@@paulafamularo5001 also calling me apart of the problem is making me depressed. I didn't say your opinion didn't matter I just said shush. People who aren't medical professionals can also know shit and the person who said whatever might've experience it themselves. Chemical pregnancies happen before 8 weeks :( they were just giving Colleen more of a exxplination

[@animesniperwolf1710]

@@paulafamularo5001 my dude wtf. I use my switch and my cat as a coping mechanism or my figet cube. I have all the time in the world to argue because I don't have a life ;). I do hold much knowledge especially about animals and tourettes uwu

[@nekkog]

Yes, miscarrying literally feels like you've been robbed. The baby is still with you and loves you. I'm so sorry you had to experience it.

[@samiestokes6776]

Ugh cried with you!! I kept my tests from my miscarriages and wrote a little letter to my angle baby! Keep it somewhere safe that you can revisit when you want/need.

[@loreleyrodriguez8806]

That’s acute idea🥺

[@kimberlyskinner721]

Something I have seen help foster children who have struggled with those "there's no where to direct these feelings about xyz life event": make something that represents the life event. A piece of paper with just the word even works. Or paper machet if you feel like maybe you need to break it. Once the item is made, just direct everything at it. Yell, scream, tear, cry, blame. Point it there. Get it out. It feels silly at first but once you start, it is very cathartic and healing.

[@holly._.1]

as a wise women once said “YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID”💗💗💗

[@elizabethphillips9686]

I still have my pregnancy test from my miscarriage and that was 5 years ago. I keep mine it my night stand labeled with the ones from my two kids what you could do is make a dvd of when you told everyone and put the dvd and the test in a box and put it somewhere you want it to stay safe

[@annabethchase4582]

I love this 🥺 much love to you

[@MarissaBrigitte]

Loss is loss whether you lose someone you’ve known all your life, someone you barely know or even someone you’ve yet to meet. If you lose someone (family/friend/pet/anyone) it hurts and if you’re hurting then it’s valid because they mean something to you. Everyone deals with this loss in their own way and Colleen/anyone who’s hurting right now my heart goes out to you and in time it gets a little bit easier. Glad to have you back ily 🥺💛

[@kelseyann6363]

Seeing Colleen in pain is so sad and when she walked over with the pregnancy test and went nope I just I couldn’t I feel so sad for her!

[@smileykat15]

You could put those pregnancy tests in a box and bury them. Have a kind of funeral for the little life you lost. Just an idea, do whatever feels best for you Colleen. My thoughts are with you. xoxoxo

[@jebbajen]

That’s a great idea

[@alexandralawson9578]

That’s such a beautiful idea

[@Madelin.]

thats a great idea! And hey i always see you on colleens posts :)

[@jaysmindpalace]

She could also write a letter to her little one to put in a box too if she wanted!

[@206allycat]

This is actually a beautiful idea and seems like it could be very therapeutic/healing!

[@miley124456rocks]

I really want to hug Colleen she is literally my best friend (even though she doesn't know me)

[@allisonrobinson6663]

Oh mama, I don’t know you but I’m wrapping you in the biggest hug. You are not alone.

[@Rose-iv4gg]

So brave of you to share. I’ve never had a miscarriage but your story made me tear up. You opening up about how you feel going through this experience will be so helpful to women across the world who are going through the same thing or may in the future. Proud of you!

[@zozoeliza]

when colleen said she found herself going to get her camera to tell us about things and that honestly is so sweet because when i heard “it’s a new year new me” i was like wow i missed this - colleen you’re so so strong and amazing and we love you and are so happy you’re back and doing ok ❤️❤️❤️

[@jessjanemusic1680]

When you were talking about that anger with nowhere to direct it- I remember how amazing you felt when you threw that cake with your friend. Maybe try something along those lines? I have a friend that smashed a load of plates and turned it into mosaics ❤️

[@WhimsyLindsay]

Yessss or writing things you’re mad, sad, etc. about on the plate and then smashing it

[@idek8020]

Omg this is a great idea!

[@emiliegrindle3823]

Colleen you’ll get through this!!! Take as much time as possible (or not if vlogging helps you cope) just know we all love you!!♥️♥️

[@ashtonallein]

I never heard someone explain the feeling like you did and that makes so much sense this is exactly what it felt like thank you for talking about it

[@amylyn25]

Can we take a second and understand how Beautifully Colleen worded everything, I’m amazed how much strong and wonderful of a human she is. I love you colleen❤️

[@jocelyngray4965]

Same i feel like I know her personally

[@nicolemh]

I love when Flynn refers to himself as baby. “Baby painting”

[@sarahxdani8123]

What really helped me is getting a memorial candle and giving the baby a name or nickname. I light the candle on the day we lost the baby, and on the night of the wave of light in October. I lost my first baby at 9 weeks and then got pregnant with my son pretty quickly after so I didn't have much time to grieve the loss. The pain doesn't go away, it's been almost 4 years now and it's still hard on some days, but it does get better.

[@Nicstarmoore]

Miscarriage changes you at your core. The only consolation I could find is that I was really proud of my body. Mine was "missed" so once my body recognized it, it did what it needed to do and I was proud of how my body carried me through it. The miscarriage/ttc/infertility club is the kindest, warmest club you never want to join. Thinking of you both 🌈

[@carolinepeters28]

can we talk about what a queen colleen is for still posting, even though she's going through this really tough thing. THANK YOU COLLEEN WE LOVE YOU