"a shadow of a doubt": reacting to a poem 8 years later

[@chikedonaldibewuike4867]

Thank you for sharing these videos, Joseph. The fact that most of the occurrences from this poem actually happened is just crazy. You struggled for so long man. Your sincerity pierces me deeply. I've followed your work for at least 6 years now. First for the spoken word (used to be an artist myself), and later for the music and Christian content. I feel you sharing these moments with us is more therapeutic for you than any of us. Gotta stop. I'm rambling at this point. I'd keep praying for you... Grace and peace man

[@internetuser7156]

I saw this live. I loved it then. After listening to your "why I left" video, I love it now. I loved you then. And now. This "crisis" of faith is definitely terrifying. I'm not one of those Christians who's gonna try to push someone or criticize your walk. I'm just going to continue loving you. Because that's what we do.

[@theycallmetrice]

Wow. Not you bringing tears to my eyes like this. This poem was so helpful to me at the time. It still is. No one talks about how impossible and unsustainable it is to have 100% faith 100% of the time. This poem really made me have more comfort in knowing that my doubts weren’t surprising to God. That part about him being the author and finisher of our faith hits different now. I knew that scripture then but I hadn’t experienced all that I’ve experienced now. Back then I was just “running to see what the end’s gonna be” as my mama or grandma would say. Now I’ve stopped running as much and let God carry me more. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. It’s a long, arduous journey for sure. I guess that’s just life in general but I find comfort in knowing that God knows where I’m at on the journey and though it looks and feels like I’m lost to me, I’m never lost to him. He’s conspiring in our favor and working things out for our highest good. The journey to get there be trash at times. It’s hard and tiring and beautiful and worth it. I’m proud of you Joe. It may look different than you thought back then but you’re doing great sugar. The only way is forward. Also, not you reminding me that I’m still mad I ain’t get that Doubt Your Doubt shirt when I had the chance lmao.

[@sheeshneesh]

Ain’t nothing impossible!

[@theycallmetrice]

@@sheeshneesh I actually do think it’s impossible to have your faith level be at 100% every minute of every day. If someone can accomplish that, I’d argue they haven’t been through anything and therefore have no need for God. If people keep living at some point, their faith will and should be challenged because actual faith requires it. Faith and doubt kinda need each other in that sense.

[@sheeshneesh]

@@theycallmetrice Hi Trice! As I’m deep diving in to the life of Jesus atm, I realize that he was the most perfect human that ever walked this earth. He had 100% belief that God could and would. He believed because He had confidence in God. Therefore, I don’t believe faith and doubt must work together! If you feel like your faith has slipped, adjust your confidence. Your belief that no one can have 100% faith all the time is predispose by your own life and experience. If that’s what you believe in you’re heart, then I guess that may be true for you.

[@theycallmetrice]

@@sheeshneesh One could argue He had confidence in God because he was God. Jesus was perfect, we are not. If we were, there’d be no need for Jesus. I believe faith and doubt work together because 100% faith 100% of the time is certainty. There’s no need for faith if you’re certain.

[@sheeshneesh]

@@theycallmetrice Yet, Jesus was a man with all the tendencies of a human being. #1: Jesus was perfect because of his faith and because he knew the tools to combat sin! #2: Jesus SHOWED us the ways to combat sin and how to live, performed miracles, then told us that He wants us to do as He has done, but better. #3: My suggestion to you, is to dig deeper and really find the reason God chose to come to Earth as a man. I discovered it a few months ago & it blew my mind. I can tell from your writing that you have limits on what you think you’re capable of! (And limits of what God can do). I’m telling you He can do more that what you think! “Because of your faith, you are whole.” Maybe that’s what you’re missing. Anyway, great chat! 🥰

[@ofureughu7560]

Just like everyone in these comments, I’ve been following you for the longest, even before this video went viral. I was there for the chase God webisodes, 4 mins videos packed with so much wisdom, the outstanding poetry performances with PIA. More than anything I’m just grateful for your honesty, I can only wish that I could be this transparent publicly. You are very strong Joe. God is still using you greatly, I don’t doubt that. I wished you were “hitting us with another installment to the chase God webisodes” and cutting to the chase but this is just as beautiful. I hope you continue in this honest journey and relationship with yourself. We are watching and being inspired. Thank you Joe!

[@renouncreation]

All I can say is that all those years couldn’t have been for nothing. Your poems, your teachings, your music, and your vulnerability touched my soul and helped me in my darkest times. My faith grew stronger when I realized there’re other Christians that were fighting depression and mental illness. Never stop being you, Joseph. You’re one of a kind and I can’t thank you enough for your realism. From a Christian that’s still a strong supporter, thank you.

[@OrganicKeesh]

This, simply put, was beautiful. In May of 2020, the Lord spoke to my spirit the word “fumes….”. It took me a minute to even know where He was coming from, what He meant by it. Eventually He continued to say “Keesh, you’re tired. And it’s a tiredness that sleep cannot minister to.” At the time, I wasn’t tired, I didn’t feel tired or like I was running on fumes…after my objections of being ok, He continued with “Keesh, you’re running on fumes. You’re growing tired…of Me..” …..at that point I was straight up Peter. No God! I could NEVER get tired of You! You’re literally everything to me..! But, just like w/ Peter, He sees what we can’t see…the truest disposition of our heart and mind. Anyways, He wrapped it up by saying “You’re tired of Me, of choosing me and feeling like I don’t choose you back.” The rest is kinda personal….but, I had no idea how true those words would ring as the months and years ticked by. Current day, fumes is an understatement. I’ve argued w/ God more in the last 6 months than I have all my years of living. Faith stretch until it’s practically see through. Honesty w/ the Creator I didn’t think was possible. I don’t know how the story ends (kinda), but I’ll keep walking until I arrive. You don’t have to know where you’re going to know you can’t stay where you are. One of my favorite humans said that..

[@demicocoleman3508]

”The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you.“ ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭12‬:‭1‬ ‭NLT‬‬ I know who said it first…

[@chariivy]

I remember vividly the first time I came across this video while watching sermons on youtube. Tears were flowing down my cheeks like lava into the ocean, while watching it. I felt every word. I was in my early stage towards becoming a born again Christian. I was doubting alot. This video was helpful, it like gave me reassurance. Also, this was the first video I ever seen of you

[@cyanide_and_]

You just modelled for me how to be soft with that past version of me. For me there's still so much contempt toward myself. Thank you.

[@MadisonWhitmore]

Damn Joe....thanks for sharing this again. You didn't have to, but you did. You don't know how much you living for YOU helps us live for us too.

[@NanaYakubu]

Honestly fam!

[@HeLivesInMe03]

I remember the first time I heard this poem: it was live at a church in South Florida. I remember vividly you coupled the poem with the acoustic version of “Joyful, Joyful-melt the clouds of sin and sadness, drive the dark doubt away” I remember being so overwhelmed by the realness of these very words that I B-lined it to the restroom after you were done. Weeping. Uncontrollably. Me and another young lady (who I didn’t know) came out of our stalls at the same time, just tore up in tears! We looked at each other with the same face…like that was TOO much, right?! We hugged, and both told one another to stay strong in this fight, but I NEVER forgot that day. I never forgot this poem. And I never forgot how comforted I felt by knowing that now 3 people struggled w/ doubt similar to the way I did. All that to say. Thank you Joe. For your wisdom and authenticity then, and your transparency & honesty today. Truly-grace and peace.

[@kzelyse]

.. “give up myself for no story” .. sheesh, Joe. That hits hard. Thank you for this new wave of content and creating a floor for raw and honest reflection. A lot of us need it. Especially those of us left to deal with finding new identity as adults after growing up with identities rooted in being “church kids” It’s a trippy place to be but videos like this make processing better 💚✨

[@sumayabrown]

This poem is chilling, jarring even, because the struggle is so raw & tangible. Like a tug-of-war. The ending line was/is so encouraging, still. The entire piece is super relatable. When I 1st heard this piece; I couldn’t relate but as time has since passed, hearing it now resonates. 🔥 You definitely have a gift. This piece gives me a lot to ponder & the end of the piece feels like peace.

[@codedfingers409]

Everytime i watch you speak i am always in love and in awe of how you think and analyse things. Your vocab and critical thinking. One feeling i just cant get off is, this is a phase and one day you would still champion this christianity thing again.❤

[@sincerelykayyy]

This video is what I've been wrestling with. Staying or leaving. My own doubts. I've been struggling to get through this video since you posted it because I needed to make a decision for myself. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your past and your current position with the whole world Joe.

[@nonhlanhlamazibuko2089]

"Are you sure you know what you're signing up for?" I don't think we're given the chance to calculate the true cost of faith before it is presented to us. The sinner's prayer is a choice taken with not much contemplation of the cost. It costs much to follow Christ.

[@bnv5110]

I remember the first time I came across this poem, I had been a long time follower of Jannette..ikz (she’s amazing) and her poetry. This video popped into my life when I was experiencing doubt in my faith and it resonated so much with me up until the end. I cried feeling hopeless and thought “ok I just gotta believe a little harder”. I’m no longer a christian but to see this video again and know that I wasn’t alone in those thoughts was comforting. Thanks for putting this out there and being vulnerable

[@alicialewis9001]

This made me so emotional. I am in a difficult place and it is refreshing to hear this. I need this perspective

[@tamiaspeaks]

I appreciate this so much, I started my journey beyond Christianity in 2019 and again, I appreciate this more than you know

[@charyse1361]

13:50 "No, you will go forward, but in a different direction. You may not know where you're going, but that doesn't mean you have to stay, Joe. I know you felt like that was a great question to ask in that moment. I understand the fear behind it. It's the unknown. And faith to you, and Jesus and the bible, and religion is very much also a great unknown, but at least it offered some familiarity. Some sense of nostalgia, some sense of comfort. And to move forward with your curiosity, you were afraid of what you may find, and what you may find may not be all that comforting, and quite frankly, familiar. But what you will find is honesty and yourself. You'll find you."

[@michaelmonday8533]

After i heard your announcement in 2022, the first thing I did was go on KZbin, search for this poem. And I couldn't see it, I kinda find lots of solace from this poem, for my huddles, and without a shadow of doubt, i still find that peace in it today.

[@eun371]

Btw i really loved to see how you were talking to the 8 years ago Joe, because it is true at the end of the day you will be alright, and you will find yourself.

[@daniellecheek8826]

You touch my soul when I first heard this and I have been looking for this for a while now u have a gift and I pray u continue to share ur gift with us

[@ryheisha2796]

You are still inspiring so many no matter where you are in your journey. Spoken word poetry is so vulnerable. You helped give so many of us the freedom to just be human. That’s the thing about spoken word poetry: it’s a reflection of our humanity in the most beautiful way!! Thank you for sharing yourself with us!!

[@Steelcitychaos]

You just don't understand how much I need to hear this weekly if not daily!! Why block this??? Not speaking for everyone but this comforts me!! God bless!!

[@taratutson8636]

all of us crying together!! again, grateful for your transparency and willingness to continue to be vulnerable with us.

[@powitskim]

cheers to you, my friend. may we all stay committed to the journey of authenticity. love you opening up here and controlling the narrative of your own story.

[@flightsfeelings]

love you kim!

[@dkreshaadams497]

I remember in 2016 that line in the poem “These hands that took holes will hold you” I had as my Instagram bio…. I was looking for something to convince me to stay and this poem “helped” me at the time…. I remember trying my hardest to doubt my doubts. Thankfully, freedom prevailed for me…. I was scared but freedom prevailed. It’s so good to see that freedom prevailed for you too. Witnessing you live for you has been amazing to see!

[@classycheeks4352]

Yessss!! The last 3 videos have been like you've read my mind. I wanted these for a while. So awesome!!

[@makahlajackson2592]

I’ve been following Joe for years. So this series is so therapeutic. Excited for this channel 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@toneciaharvey9056]

Joseph, thank you. I have never met another person whose existence makes it possible for me to be. I truly appreciate you for sharing your journey, worries, doubts, and process. There has yet to be a time when after hearing you speak fragments of myself aren't mended. ✈

[@breannagarcia68]

I can’t find the original video first time I watched this u spoke to my heart and I wept for hours

[@2ewdles]

Love the Levi the Poet mention! His work influenced me a lot throughout my college years and Resentment still resonates with me. Thank you for doing this! It’s cathartic/therapeutic for me as well.

[@lioneljoge6517]

I tried looking for this video a long time. Last time I saw i was 17 now im 25. I decided to go sober and quit drug use. Wanted to hear this poem for my new life in Christ. I waiting the Eve poem too btw. Don’t think I forgot about that one! 😅

[@msbkay]

aw joe! this was kind to share this reflection with us. look at how far u have come right? to get on the other side when you didnt know what was gonna be there waiting for you ... and realizing now that you are gonna be alright. man. thx for sharing.

[@Shamika2391]

I love you! Ive been watching you for so long and it's such a sight that you are reacting to yourself. I love it; your going back and seeing the hardship that you endured within the faith and the lack of your own at the time. Tbh, I feel like even thought some of us do struggle this way and enter into a season of doubt or unbelief, Jesus still understands this and the frailty of our minds and bodies. He gets it and is able to bring us out of it in His own timing!. The face that you were so honest from the very beginning about everything is honorable. The season you are in now is just part of a much bigger picture and plan that God has for your life...all of that wasn't for no reason, trust me.

[@shantereed]

Glad to see this. This poem was how I found you and been following you since. I remember when you spoke about why you private this initially, and I had to save it because it had been so impactful for me at that point and I still go back to it. Glad to see how you view this now. Thanks so much for sharing.

[@T-She-Go]

From 26:30-27:10 - I remember my pastor once said that people always ask him what if it was all for nothing? And he responded by saying that he would be happy either way At first, when he said that I was like “you know what? Yeah, I do agree 🙌🏾” but as I got older, I started to realise that there’s more to life and if someone had to ask me that question, and if I was being truly honest, I’d say I wanna live a different life I’m still a Christian though 😅 trying to work through things but yeah. Thanks Joseph 🌸

[@edenglesener3626]

Thanks for being real gutsy and raw in sharing this. I’m glad you can explore so much more given your years in the church. Maybe I’ll finally have the courage to look back at my old Christian journals and have compassion for the girl so caught up in finding security.

[@9rot363]

Man... Joe. thank you for sharing this. This is helping me understand you and other like you so much better. Thats a gift, thank you sir.

[@Nicole-vg3ld]

Joe thank you so much for being so transparent. Much love and luck on you journey !

[@imanidokubo956]

Thank you for sharing this video and giving context to it. I could relate to the piece, it blessed me. I searched for it a couple of times here but realized you had taken it down. I have been writing poems for a while, but this poem was my invitation into spoken word poetry, I saw it sometime in 2018 and overwhelmingly knew spoken word poetry is a major part of what I want to do with my life, it has been an interesting journey since then. Thank you once more sir I pray you continue to gain clarity on your life's journey 🙏

[@carlosmuller3565]

We love you, bro.

[@officialery_]

thank you. i’m so proud of you.

[@katherinesantana3236]

This made me emotional, thank you so much for genuinely sharing❤️

[@blairguinn5167]

Love the uploads recently, hope to see more videos. I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability.

[@brianafox1517]

Awesome video Joe. I’ve always heard you reference this poem but have never seen it. Thanks for sharing your story, it’s helping me with my own journey more than you know.

[@eun371]

I loved that you touched on the subject of humans being very story driven. I have recently observed how this has impacted me in my own life... Like the stories you tell yourself or you believe can affect your relationships, the people you choose to date, the career you go for, the type of friends you have or even how you relate to them, etc. And i think that's really powerful, it also made me see the power in examining the stories and my thinking pattern, but also change some stories or the way I see things to get a different outcome, and i can't tell you how helpful that has been mentally and even where I'm physically at in my life.

[@damariscastro1213]

you didn’t have to share, but I’m glad you did. Thank you for your vulnerability, I hope you’re all is well ♥️

[@its-niaaaa_]

I watched this so many times when it was out. It felt like God finally reaching out to comfort me. Standing now on the other side of my faith, the irony is almost funny. I searched for this poem, thanks for this.

[@cheneissesimmons1045]

Before you doubt me doubt your doubts… my sister sent me this in 2016 after our friend got killed and those words have stuck with me so much.

[@Passion84GodAlways]

In case anyone else experiences this, I had to leave this video - twice - and come back before I had audio. 😊👍🏾

[@julianap3412]

This poem will always hit hard for me, i love it.

[@pflipflops6295]

I remember having a similar experience to the one you had in the sanctuary (10:52). Our youth pastor was preaching a sermon about something with so much confidence in the things he was saying and I felt such a strong dissonance to his words. I basically was faithless at that point already I just hadn´t a accepted it and I went to a small room in the back of our church and felt so hollowed out and scared (I thought I had a panic attack at that moment). The only real feeling I can compare it to is the feeling of a realizing a relationship or a person in your life is truly gone.

[@plubin123]

The deepest sadness and fear is where will I go? I am not afraid or ashamed to say I don't know and forward is the only way to go.

[@JPena813]

Such a beautiful poem and super bold to share this journey, saddening to many of us who profess the faith in christ but yet again you are being honest with your battle. I pray that this time of walking and searching will lead you to see it is christ at the end of the journey and I pray for his guidance, love and encounter meet you in midst of your road. God bless you and your gift man!

[@JPena813]

You are definitely a blessing

[@gabazinxumalo8994]

17:04, Joe 😢😢😢, I had to stop the video and take a breather because that emotion was overwhelming. I don’t even want to continue, the next part…

[@nonhlanhlamazibuko2089]

Stripped... I believe you have been stripped of all your Theology, and now you're navigating through life in quest for truth. And I can't wait to see how your journey to truth unfolds. I'm praying for you Joe❤... You're right, much of faith is gaslighting yourself into thinking there's something wrong with you - but maybe there's something wrong with theology.

[@grievingchris]

Sitting here crying a little bit.

[@sicklecellwithdr.o]

Love the introspective videos!

[@New_JAM]

You go forward in a different direction you can freely choose. Grateful that we have the freedom to choose and are not forced to stay or go. Funny way to look at it, that despite what it may cost us, the choice is still free in the moment.

[@levavarts2889]

I think naturally, this is quite disappointing and saddening for a lot of us... I respect everyone's freewill and choices though but erm... it's sad 😔 I think my heart cries out for faith to fill up your heart again, leading to salvation again and an assurance of this. I pray you will believe that God hasn't rejected you but desires to have you as His but only through His Son Jesus! But in His timing, not ours. 🙏🏾 Interesting to see you critique yourself and to identify Artistic growth in yourself along the way. Very honest and bold of you.

[@flightsfeelings]

i don’t believe god has rejected me.

[@levavarts2889]

@@flightsfeelings Oh okay.... so it's an ongoing case of doubting and aiming to arrive at truth and finding real joy and peace in this? It was just the line about feeling like you were speaking to the four walls instead of Him and asking Him not to leave you there - that made me say this.

[@flightsfeelings]

i don’t have doubt anymore. yeah i had a line about that in a poem but that was 8 years ago.

[@levavarts2889]

@@flightsfeelings Okay.

[@sarahseibs]

authenticity + love.

[@kamogelochadi6044]

Loved this...sending love

[@onysborr90]

I am just gonna tell you THANK YOU for now my brother... But there is so much more I'd like to tell you.

[@RyanMidd422]

Respect my brother!! I lo e you man!!!

[@sydneydore2486]

Joseph I know you criticize this video for things but I’ve listened to it so many times when I was younger that i can quote it as I listen to it still and there is no re creation that has the same emotion and conviction.. I would love to be able to listen to it and share it still…. 😭

[@highlit3s]

This video absolutely fire

[@sd.2525]

The Lord is in charge of the day of your salvation. Shalom Joe ❤

[@jamalamitchell]

Interesting 🤔...watching this guy's vlogs feels reminiscent of part of my life's story in reverse

[@LevithePoet]

❤

[@parispatterson6478]

What up tho! idk how I’m subscribed to this channel and didn’t know but I’m glad this came up lol. It’s great seeing new content from you. Anyways, this journey is wild. I love it here lol. ✌🏾

[@its-niaaaa_]

14:05 sobbing, thanks.

[@amylovesJesus-e8l]

My first sermon was based on this poem. Jospeh, I hope you come by grace and mercy soon. I hope you know that Jesus hasn’t given up on you. He never has. Popularity has infiltrated your faith. You can doubt. You can waver. But God doesnt. He loves you in a way you cant even imagine. You may doubt God but God doesn’t doubt Joseph. Keep questioning, keep seeking, I hope you find yourself in the fathers embrace. Love always. God bless. And thank you always

[@flightsfeelings]

popularity has not infiltrated my faith. with much respect and peace, i say,i wish yall would listen to people rather than go with the stereotypical narrative that all popular people who leave faith do it because of money and fame. because people who are not popular go through the exact same things i have. maybe you should just pray rather than trying to perform diagnostics and autopsies of people’s faith.

[@its-niaaaa_]

14:00 Sobbing, thanks

[@rebeccahunterkiiza1204]

"I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven for his name's sake. I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I write to you, children, because you know the Father. I write to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one." 1 John 2:12-14 I only know that God loves you dearly. God’s heart is for the redeeming his chosen people, seeking the lost and giving faith to the faithless. Much love Joseph.

[@faithaziaka]

14:00 got me

[@outkast1459]

Can you please post the video again❤

[@MS-tt7df]

💜

[@CJLee-yu7rq]

THE CONVERSATIONS WITH MY WIFE REFERENCE🥲

[@Silinganiso]

💔❤️

[@vizthali]

Where do you find yourself with the question of what comes after this life?

[@alyssasimone]

I have a question. I haven’t seen the whole video yet. Have you privatized or deleted the chase God Webisodes?

[@samanthajames4887]

… God don’t leave us here

[@mllxR]

Needed ❤️

[@Bri.Sapphire]

Wow!

[@eliasrayz1412]

Matthew 9:24

[@BeautifullyJas]

Soooo, are you willing to make the video public again? This has got me through some difficult spots as a Christian 🙏🏾

[@flightsfeelings]

nah

[@luphelele]

💚

[@JoseEduardo1594-]

This is DEEP. Beautiful example of someone who left religion and became better and moved forward. You inspire me and many others by your vulnerability, honesty and rawness. You are going to help many people do what they are afraid to do by paving the way…🙌🏽🔥

[@jenniferrenee137]

What happened to the depression is spoken word poetry video? I’ve searched and searched and it’s like it’s been erased ?!?!

[@flightsfeelings]

yes it has been removed.

[@Femininewifeschool]

Pls do you have the video that explains why you left Christian. I've been searching everywhere but can't find it

[@flightsfeelings]

because it doesn’t exist lol

[@rykedaivy8001]

Joe, I see that ring around your neck. Are you married now? 😂

[@sheeshneesh]

So who are you? What’s your story? Why did u leave Christianity? What do you believe now?

[@flightsfeelings]

i’ve got quite videos on this channel and a podcast explaining that. 😊

[@sheeshneesh]

@@flightsfeelings an intro would be nice. Too much content to look through. 😕 Be blessed tho! ❤❤

[@sheeshneesh]

@@flightsfeelings what video do you suggest I watch?

[@flightsfeelings]

intro. that’s fair.

[@bryanseyffert9191]

Did u delete the original?

[@flightsfeelings]

archives yes

[@odirilekgabo804]

“Joseph wrote you poems, but he is not your saviour.” Kendrick Lamar