Actual Items 1997

You can't make this stuff up... well, actually you can.

[@TheTherapistGamer]

When times were tough in high school, I always had Conan's Actual Items and State Quarters. Still classic.

[@deltajean119]

Relatable. Still so comforting.

[@djquinn4825]

You know, the lower quality picture/resolution is what makes this skit really work, since it helps to obscure the punchline. Love it.

[@felicity4711]

This way you don’t see it coming. You have to wait until Conan says it.

[@albertdesigncompany6964]

The "punchlines" aren't intended to be seen until the camera zooms in and Conan reads what it says. It's crucial to the set-up and timing of the bit. The joke is supposed to blend in w/ that actual item until it's slowly revealed by the zoom-in. This way you aren't reading the punchline while he's trying to set it up.

[@jeffeastwood15]

It's hard to believe it's been 17 years since I last saw this. Thanks for posting =^)

[@Jonwisniewski04]

Louia CK wrote Actual Items I think. He said that in a Howard interview recently.

[@thewiseoldherper7047]

scottrngr Yeah. He asked if they wanted to watch him before writing it.

[@canaisyoung3601]

That explains the masturbation joke in the refrigerator ad. Still like "Actual Items" despite who wrote it.

[@jenfine]

He created the bit but he only worked there from like 93-95. He didn’t write these.

[@stevenarvizu3602]

Conan had (and still has) a team of writers who wrote a majority of his jokes. Most late night hosts do it’s very normal, but they have meetings and discuss the show for the night and all the jokes everyone pitches, Conan (while still very funny on his own) mostly just accepts or rejects ideas and jokes from his staff. In the interview Louis mentions that “we” did Real Items, meaning he and the staff

[@lethaldosage6040]

Ah, memories of the good old days, getting stoned outta my mind in preperation for the nightly Conan show.

[@vintagevhsarchive]

June 4, 1997 Thanks!

[@dzyanist]

Loved Conan's first years.., totally original.., and actually FUNNY..!!.. 🎸🤘☠🎸

[@conanfan33]

Yeah, my old VCR was a piece of shit.

[@theguy_222]

conanfan33 hey better than nothing, and I think it’s pretty good

[@getsome4806]

conanfan33 Please don't ever apologize for having the kindness to upload these clips for the masses. The majority appreciate it, and are grateful. Only the ignorant and entitled would comment on the quality. Please ignore them. They are incredibly stupid and selfish people. And with any luck they are too heinous in appearance to ever reproduce, these slack jawed imbeciles.

[@black_leg_sanji6496]

I like the quality

[@yoli5779]

The quality adds to the nostalgia, makes me wish I had a time machine though, those were good times. Thank you.

[@PowerGlove79]

@conanfan33 Plus, Leno doesn't write the "headlines". He has people mail them in to him. So there is no creativity involved on his part

[@djm5687]

Conan doesn't have writers do "Actual Items", does he? They're *real,* aren't they!?

[@redshiftexperiment]

THANKS!! I loved the actual items bit and was looking for it!! awesome! I almost flipped my pots and pans when andy said that about the casino ad and conan replied "you just destroyed the joke!" that was pure hilarity!

[@kyleshockley1573]

Fast forward 26 years: Timothy is all grown up and most likely covered in tattoos that try to look like they were done in prison.

[@felicity4711]

It sounds like there’s an engine idling near the show.

[@CONANcocoOBRIEN]

Yeah he was one of man writers who wrote jokes for Actual Items

[@jeffeastwood15]

99 cents for mayonnaise? Holy f**K!!

[@tobinbryan]

2:53 what all conan fans say about leno.

[@MichelleNJ1975]

Kramer and Jamirpquai as guests. Holy fuck.

[@conanfan33]

That's because Conan has real writers and Leno just sucks.

[@braddockakalatis2]

"That clownhead makes me wish I could menstruate." -Andy Richter

[@waveman99]

Wow you taped this in a helicopter?? Impressive!

[@atl236136]

Yay! I've been looking for some of these online for a while!

[@nonoo]

Is this filmed on a boat? Weird propell sound..

[@kitchenerleslie8388]

Michael Richards as in Kramer?

[@tobinbryan]

OH MY GOD YOU JUST DESTROYED THE JOKE lol

[@chipsraffertic]

michael richards lol

[@conanfan33]

Are you serious?

[@zyxwut321]

Michael Richards? Jamiroquai? I've died and gone to 1990's hell...

[@kdavisinca]

@conanfan33 hahahahahahahahaha

[@LesPaul1482]

@whenmonkeysattack16 dude...really? u should maybe just put ur helmet back on, tighten the chin strap nice and tight, and go back to eating checkers or sumthing lol