ADHD and Narcissism Symptoms - Are You ADHD or a Narcissist?

[@Sarahalpotter]

Are you diagnosed ADHD? What about diagnosed Narcissism? How do you cope or what parts of this list do you struggle with?

[@shakonic]

Hey would u have any free time to sit down with me and have a serious tlk?

[@randyval2]

Ive lived with ADHD my whole life, diagnosed at 6 (back then it was Hyperactive Disorder)am 51 now and felt guilt and shame for my forgetfulness and inattentiveness. and often felt/feel like i am the problem. I still have imposter syndrome. i am very empathetic, i think narcissists are missing the empathy part. funny story abut a very ADHD moment I had when i was driving with my girlfriend I was looking at the road, the coffee shop i was driving past and several other things while she was talking to me,. Then i heard her say "you're not even listening to me are you?" (she has NPS) Now i don't know why i said this but i responded "of course I am".. Then she asked "what i just say then?" i repeated what she just said, and im shock she said "you just repeated verbatim exactly what i just said." Needless to say i felt very relieved because I would have been in trouble. What happened was what she said distracted me from what i was thinking about and bumped it out of my working memory and it got stuck in my head. In this case it really saved me.

[@pixiedust6149]

The word gullible (implies stupid) is offensive. The person may have been raised by a narcissist who already damaged that person. Please use another word.

[@Theyoutuberpolyglot]

I take your videos as an educative resource to learn more about ADHD and narcissism features. Yes, I am diagnosed with ADHD+ Schizoaffective disorder.

[@remmy29]

Something I experienced being in a relationship with someone with ADHD. I was love showered in the beginning. And then after a while my partner became bored in the relationship. That boredom looked like not being very interested in me anymore. So even though he's not a narcissist, the pain that a partner can go through when people with ADHD become bored, is similar to the grief you feel after being with a narcissist. It feels like some sort of abrupt abandonment. I tried to talk to my partner with ADHD about this and he seemed to be completely clueless that he was no longer affectionate or even present. However, I didn't see a change even after this conversation. So I ended the relationship and I was saddened about it. Another thing about my partner with ADHD as I caught him in several white lies. This also eroded my trust. I understand that lying with ADHD can be a coping mechanism. But just like a narcissist there are definitely overlapping behaviors that can happen with ADHD

[@EnlighteningEmma]

I feel this, I've just ended my 4 year relationship with someone with untreated ADHD, it's been really traumatic, towards the end I got no affection or attention at all, and then I found out he was messaging lots of other girls and had got particularly hyperfocussed on one of them. I don't even think she's interested in him but I can't take this anymore. I learned so much about him and tried to help him, but when you're putting your everything into someone and getting breadcrumbs in return, it gets really tough. I'm finding the breakup really hard, and missing him so much, it's hard to get him out of my head.

[@tptarh]

The author of the video just bluntly apologized everything that ADHD people do and blamed NPD for the very same thing. It’s just misleading and this approach comes from a popular narrative that NPDs are evil and from the desire to create hot content for views maybe. Half of the traits these disorders NPD and ADHD have overlap indeed, because the traits develop as defensive strategies in early childhood as a reaction to having a ’dead mother’. ADHD develops when mother as a primary object of focus and attention is never there for the baby and as a result the brain is undertrained in ability to focus and as a coping strategy baby develops hyperactivity as means to get attention. The names of disorders aren’t that important really, traits is what matters coz if they are toxic they can harm others. If you have ADHD you basically already have half of the traits of the NPD, and statistically every 5th person with ADHD does have NPD. She portrayed NPD lovebombing as smth dark and ADHD’s as something genuine, ok. But NPDs are no evil ppl they are just severely underdeveloped mentally and many of their toxic behaviors are defensive strategies learned in early childhood. Same as ADHD. Love bombing is a toxic technique by itself. Its toxicity comes from using it, not from personal traits of a person applying it. ADHD and NPD both are susceptible to fear of abandonment and rejection and love bombing is a subconscious manipulative strategy to secure the relationship and avoid rejection. So if both Ds use a manipulative technique with the same motivation then why suddenly NPD is the bad guy here? They are no different really.

[@remmy29]

@@tptarh I agree with you 💯 Can you recommend any books on how you figure this out with ADHD? The under-trained brain due to the dead mother etc.. I'm very curious about this

[@tptarh]

@@remmy29 I watched Prof.Sam Vaknin's video on ADHD - Autism - Narcissism. You'll find a lot of references in his video 🙏

[@paulstoddard9495]

yeah, the clinical papers on adult ADHD and psychotherapy (there aren't many) show that ADHD adults have trouble with narcassitic vulnerabilities through shame and wounding. But demonizing narc is the most popular thing out there. I have ADHD and I once dated a clinically diagnosed narc the behaviors may overlap but the structure is much different the problem is these are twodifferent schools of thought and this isn't really gone over much in psychology.@@tptarh

[@syenite]

Oh cool. So my ex who was professionally diagnosed with ADHD wasn't abusive when he yelled at me, called me names, screamed at me, belittled me and demeaned me. He was just having an ADHD emotional outburst. So when someone w narcissism does it, it's abuse. When someone w ADHD does it, we need to be sympathetic and not hold them accountable. Amazing.

[@milesrowe991]

ADHDer here - I think this video really misses the mark with the overcategorizing of behaviors. Abuse is abuse, and everyone should be accountable for their actions. People with ADHD are not a monolith. I don't think that having that kind of brain architecture makes us any more or less caring that any other portion of the population. Hyperemotionality is definitely a thing...but it doesn't cause abuse, and is absolutely never an excuse for it.

[@OhKayinAustin]

Sounds like you need therapy.

[@mimid6354]

This video is very misleading. I’ve been manipulated and love bombed by someone with ADHD too. So it’s not innocent, she missed the point completely and acts like they can’t work together. It’s not impossible to be manipulative, narcissistic and still have ADHD.

[@mimid6354]

@@milesrowe991thank you!

[@lisalambert81865]

No you hold them accountable, it’s not an excuse and once they know then they must learn about it and do things to control it. I was just diagnosed late in life and it explains so much but I need to control it.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

Narcissistic love bombing can also include a lot of future faking, saying they love someone on the first date, want to marry them on the second date, move in with them on the third date!

[@Sarahalpotter]

Yes absolutely correct! The future faking was so clear to me after I left my abuser.

[@watchonly1321]

@@Sarahalpotter I'm still trapped. He love bombed me in the beginning through the cycle mentioned, after we got married all his true colors were out - he was alcoholic but now a drug addict; he's a bumper and has not worked for many years but he presented himself as a successful headhunter before we got married; he's now living off his mother and me but treats us like a piece a shit. He hurt us so many times but never apologized. We almost broke up recently and now he is trying to change. However he is not going to stop using drugs as he said the drugs help with his ADHD condition. He said when his son finishes high school, his duty is done and he will kill himself. I hope he keeps this promise.

[@girl.dude.1]

Imposter syndrome got me asking myself exactly this. Thank you for this

[@ashleighrose2332]

Really appreciate you comparing these traits side by side 😊 Super helpful

[@PassionateFlower]

Thank you for this video I appreciate it❤ I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I'm really envious of neurotypical people who don't have any trauma. It's like they're living in a parallel universe. It pisses me off. They don't understand mental illness and they don't want to understand trauma. They see it as this bizarre icky far away thing and they can't fathom not spending the holidays with family or enjoying the holiday season. It's heresy to them. I can't stand that. I feel like I'm dying every day with C-PTSD and 5 other mental illnesses and it's like I'm screaming on the other side of a one way mirror and no one can truly see or hear me.

[@muhammedmuhieldiin5630]

Yeah, I feel you. Inspite the fact that they say some of the mental illness push the one who are effected by this symptomps to look for attention. But I don't think that is the case with all most of the people. Someones are just seeking attention to be healed, and the issue that make you ask yourself most of the time. Why they can't recognize or see what I've experinced back in the day, or what I'm going through currently?

[@IntuitiveYakOfAllTrades]

Thank you for this. I was diagnosed ADHD inattentive type as an adult, but I’ve been concerned that I may be a narcissist. This is really helpful.

[@JodyWestbyHanalei]

Such an awesome video. Very helpful to me. I've been diagnosed ADHD since I was 7 years old. I went with no medication until I was about 27 years old though. You are definitely right about the s nse of time and I still struggle with that now as an adult, but making lists, setting timers, and keeping a calendar really help. Seems a bit excessive to many people that I know.... But I really wanted to say that this information and your delivery was extremely helpful to me. My whole reason for wanting to leave this comment though, in addition to everything else I said, was the info about the narcissistic relationships. Looking back on all my romantic relationships, I'm convinced that most (if not all) of them were with some form of narcissist. My most recent breakup though really had me confused afterwards (her being the vulnerable narcissist) and honestly I was/have been doing so much research about narcissism...and kinda forgetting that I have ADHD, I really started questioning myself. I started doubting that all the pain, unfairness, and emotional flux I felt during the relationship and afterwards were appropriate. She told me everything was my fault. All the nice things I did for her or said to her was her ammunition to breakup with me... But then hoovered me for a couple of months afterwards... Then really escalated things too far by making up a bunch of false accusations against me and took things into the legal system. I wasn't given ANY formal opportunity to defend myself whatsoever....and with all that had happened... I came to really think that maybe I was the narcissist and I've been unknowingly sabotaging my relationships over and over and over. It really starts to make someone like me feel so uncertain if any of my emotions and feelings are real anymore. A lot of the symptoms of ADHD and NPD have a bit of overlap on the surface level. Your video was super helpful. Thank you. 🙏

[@inbira717]

not sure if you will ever read this, but maybe it helps a little to know that there are people out there who experienced similar situations. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD (yet) but I also felt completely brainwashed after a very toxic relationship with a highly narcissistic person who blamed me for everything. It took me month to finally get out of the rabbit whole of guilt and shame, as I was manipulated into thinking I was the villain. I couldn't keep up with their nasty tactics as I would often forget details of conversations since I felt completely overstimulated most of the time and this made me even more susceptible to gaslighting.. anyways, I hope you could find back to your inner truth! The mind is a tricky thing and often tells lies, especially when we've heard them over and over again by someone close to us. I feel like the truth can be found in the body, if you can feel your emotions in your body, they are real and truly yours. Your body never lies :) And about sabotaging: I wonder if it was life's plan to sabotage relationships that weren't good for us in the first place!?

[@donovanwilliams5424]

I literally thought I was a narcissist when my 10 year marriage imploded. I did all of the research, and I kept getting steered away from the narcissism diagnosis. Luckily, I was diagnosed with ADHD by a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I am grateful for information.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

Me too!! Well, except my marriage was 7y, but it definitely “imploded” lol. And I didn’t personally think I was a narcissist so much as I realized my ex-in-laws did, and had been whispering that into my ex husband’s ear. I actually grew up with a narc caregiver and have tried to so hard to identify and eradicate any narc behaviors in myself, so knowing that’s what his family thought of me was deeply hurtful and totally disorienting.

[@MykeWinters]

This is similar to my own experience except that I wasn’t aware I was on the spectrum at the time (on the adhd waiting list at the moment now though) and she was an abusive narc (physically and psychologically). She used to accuse me of being a narc because I had to restrain her on many occasions (from hitting me) by having to grab her wrists and she was strong too. I can take a punch but the psychological shit was waaay to much for me. I eventually escaped the relationship (12yrs but unmarried). She stalked me for a while, which was hard, but now I don’t see her, phew. Oh and the gaslighting, that messed my head up no end and probably contributed to me thinking I was. I asked my therapist if she thought I was a narcissist or had tendencies, she said no quite equivalently. I’m so glad, but I still overthink stuff (well I do anyway) and I have a really hard time discerning who is real and who isn’t. On my own now

[@BlackMass.]

EVERYTHING you said about both is 100% spot on. As a person diagnosed as both on the Autism spectrum and with severe ADHD and as someone wit a father and spouse who both also have ADHD but also exhibit narcissistic traits there is a distinction between both types that you said that for me is the smoking gun and that is that someone with ADHD is almost ways the one to apologize first and genuinely remorseful and will often even apologize even when they are not in the wrong just for the sake of ending a conflict and a narcissist will almost never apologize and even when they do apologize it is only as a last resort and not because they want you to feel better it's only so that they can feel better.

[@SophieBird07]

Well one thing I came to realize, having ADD myself, and my children’s father later being evaluated, and not reviving said diagnosis, was that his so called absent mindedness only applied to what mattered to the rest of us, never to him. He was always on top of what was important to him. I, on the other hand was more often in my own way.

[@Bobs-px3zi]

Im in such a struggle at the moment … ADHD diagnosed. I don’t understand my partner at all. Her behaviors, her double standards, always the excuses why, for actions that are so harmful. I am confident and know for what I stand for. But she makes me doubt so much. What is true and not, what happend, being said. I am 33 and she is 23. I feel such an idiot. This video opened my eyes. What do I need to do. I love her but I can’t deal with this … I always thought she would change

[@tptarh]

Run

[@Fabian6980]

But when a adhder develops a personality disorder which is very common now the empathy is gone still very emotional but very selfish

[@_Renee2]

Thank you for breaking this down. I suffer from ADHD and have a narc mother who disregarded my teacher's complaints about me daydreaming in class. I didn't get help until I was an adult. You explained a lot of what I’ve been struggling with.

[@SS-in1ts]

Time blindness. Two days can feel like two weeks or two minutes depending on the level of responsibilities going on. 😅

[@WillJayMoore]

Just wanted to drop some appreciation here 🙏.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

Narcissists use cognitive empathy when it serves them. Generally, they just don't care about others enough to have empathy for them. If they experience empathy, they very quickly shut it down because it makes them feel uncomfortable

[@Sarahalpotter]

Very true.

[@lilibelleshows6018]

Agee they have it but shut down -

[@lilibelleshows6018]

Adhd may not social cues but sense people - sense when something is off

[@rupertgreenlees9329]

To the part where you explain the adhd emotional dysregulation I'd add this: The root of the emotional outburst on the adhd side is sometimes caused by the narcisist exploiting extreme 'delay aversion' present in many adhders. So if the adhder is distressed (say the narcisist has made an unfounded accusation against them to a mutual friend); the reward becomes the resolution of that "misunderstanding". Perhaps the reliable agreement to retract the claim or not to do this in future etc. The narcisist then employs stonewalling tactics, walking out, ignoring the adhder, changing the subject etc. This is a form of indefinite reward delay which can induce extreme anxiety and amygdala activity (fight / flight). I think they kind of know this. At least they know stonewalling pushes a button, so they repeat it. The nice cherry on top in my experience is the claim to the adhder that "you can't resolve anything" (we're generally good at finding rational resolutions). It is the equivalent of the playground bully using your own hand to hit you while saying stop hitting yourself. Its horrible. Bottom line narcisists project their behaviour onto the adhder (your a bully, you're manipulative, you're gaslighting). No evidence, no reasoning, just reflecting back on you your concerns and blame shifting. The adhder does not do that. The adhder just loses his / her shit when it is done to them and / or tries to reason with the unreasonable.

[@leludallasmultipass]

Not true at all. The adhd person can absolutely use all of those tactics as defense mechanisms when they’ve been emotionally triggered.

[@rupertgreenlees9329]

@@leludallasmultipass In which case the 'adhd person' is controlling and narcisistic as well as adhd. My own view is that adhd is poorly understood and massively overdiagnosed. It is certainly true that adhd people can be controlling and narcisistic. It is more common I suspect that controlling narcisists pick up adhd diagnoses when they do not have the condition. Most people I have met with legitimate adhd are authentic open minded libertarian types. We might storm off in a huff but we would come back and face the music. Myself I would not bait someone and then intentionally stonewall them as a control tactic (standard practice for narcisists)

[@Amazology]

There's nothing to stop any ADHD'er, Autistic or AuDHD'er being a Narcissist or Narcissistic in style on top of the Neurodevelopmental condition. Lets be clear and honest about that.

[@jimrau8272]

This was extremely educational, Thank you

[@Markus-ov9wh]

Thank you for this teaching. Now it's clear to me what the difference is between these two personality types. I've had people in my life who are both ADHD and narcissistic. I have one question; ADHD is often treated with amphetamines or a drug similar to ,,speed". I've noticed with one of my ADHD friends some symptoms of amphetamines. These include some seemingly narcissistic tendencies. He takes Anderall. I'd be interested in your take on this. Thank you

[@stephanieherkenhoff8474]

Thank you for this information. I can't tell you how much this information has helped me so deeply!!

[@christylee5156]

I have ADHD. I had a year long romantic relationship with somebody with NPD. I think you did a very good job at contrasting the motives behind the behaviors of the two disorders. I have read and experienced how boredom affects my behavior as somebody with ADHD. I have also experienced NPD boredom with person I have dated. How would you contrast the differences on how boredom manifests differently in these two disorders? Thanks so much again. This is my first time on your channel and plan on returning again.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

@@tptarh ….? What’s so funny?

[@tptarh]

⁠@@DannyD-lr5yg oh oh, I thought I misplaced the comment and deleted it. But wait. I’ve recalled what was so funny. The video itself is ridiculous, right? the author has no knowledge or credentials whatsoever. She just bluntly apologized everything that ADHD people do and blames NPD for the very same thing. It’s just misleading and this approach comes from a popular narrative that NPDs are evil and from the desire to create hot content for views solely. Half of the traits these disorders NPD and ADHD have overlap because the traits develop as defensive strategies in early childhood as a reaction to having a ’dead mother’. The names of disorders aren’t that important really, traits is what matters. If you have ADHD you basically already have half of the traits of the NPD, and statistically every 5th person with ADHD has NPD. She portrayed NPD lovebombing as smth dark and ADHD’s as something genuine, ok. But NPDs are no evil ppl they are just severely underdeveloped mentally and many of their toxic behaviors are defensive strategies learned in early childhood. Same as ADHD. Love bombing is a toxic technique by itself. Its toxicity comes from using it, not from personal traits of a person applying it. ADHD and NPD both are susceptible to fear of abandonment and rejection and love bombing is a subconscious manipulative strategy to secure the relationship and avoid rejection. So if both Ds use a manipulative technique with the same motivation then why suddenly NPD is the bad guy here? Basically the whole video is a collection of this kinda bs. And the person with ADHD whose comment we discuss readily agrees to follow this bs for understandable self indulging reasons. This sort of videos targets exactly this kinda audience and to witness how it works is very amusing indeed. 😂

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

I had unhealed trauma from childhood (and I believe I have ADHD) that made me perfect for a narcissist. Our son is autistic with ADHD - whilst awaiting his diagnosis, and doing SO much research, I said I think I have ADHD, next day, he says he thinks he has ADHD! I then can't bring it up again and he uses it and his depression as excuse for his abusive behavior. Even though I knew about ADHD, I was still taken by the excuse for quite some time! And you're right. I came out of it with CPTSD.

[@nachopretzel3533]

You need to figure out if his abusive behavior is for manipulating or maybe he's just struggling so bad and everyone is hyper sensitive. I could see as being ADHD how I could look as a high spectrum narcissist. But I can feel so low 😕 when everyone else energy is high. This generally promotes anxiety and hyper sensitivity. A narcissist is a study of these traits and will do everything possible to heighten their victims psychological abuse. Horrible behavior.

[@Sarahalpotter]

The best way to solve this is for you both to go through ADHD diagnosis, that way everyone can be sure of everything and begin working on how to live with ADHD.

[@CLB30ROX]

This was very insightful and I appreciate you posting this 👍🏽👍🏽

[@velvetfaerie]

My ex narchole told me about his past. He was horrible to women. That was his manipulation because I knew if I didn't behave accordingly, I too will be emotionally abused and cheated on. Very covert tactic. He did those things, and he's gone. 😎 I'm happier and rediscovering myself.

[@Sarahalpotter]

I’m so glad they’re gone and you’re able to look inward and rediscover who you are! That’s amazing 💕

[@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz]

i don't give gifts and i don't want gifts. i don't love bomb, or love shower. i only show kindness when i am feeling happier or decent. if in a bad mood a lot of the time. but i tried ADHD medication and it made me feel calm and kept me out of my head.

[@Werebat]

Thanks. This helped process some things. You seem like a kind person. I hope you are having a happy life.

[@131doves]

I’ve heard that ADHD is often comorbid with other spectrum disorders such as narcissism and bipolar disorder. Can you talk about what that might look like in a personality?

[@emerGenZ_]

I was watching this and got to around 6 minutes before I had to rewind literally two minutes to rewatch. I’m going to speak to a psychiatrist. I’ve been questioning myself for the last couple of months and I just need to find out

[@emerGenZ_]

why am i actually like this man

[@IshtarNike]

Unfortunately for me I have ADHD and narcissism running in my family. It made me especially vulnerable to narcissistic abuse. I have ADHD amd a lot of people pleasing tendencies. But my dad is definitely a vulnerable narcissist. He has ADHD too, but but level of selfishness and abuse just isn't accounted for by ADHD. I honestly feel so bad for my mum for having to put up with him. Anyway, the result is that I got into a 6 year relationship with a covert narcissist who absolutely abused my desire to support and help her. It was destroying me by the end and I couldn't understand why. It was only when she figured out that her abusive mother was a narcissist that I looked it up and realised she was one too!

[@nachopretzel3533]

This resonates so much thanks. I have genuine feelings for people. A narcissists will brain wash their victims .

[@catherinenedrda2784]

Thank you Sarah 😊 Very informative.

[@MyRedCarrot]

You can also have both: ADHD and NPD. I wonder how that works out..

[@tptarh]

ADHD and NPD traits overlap a lot. These are just names the traits is what matters most. The traits develop as a result of a traumatic childhood experience. The more similar the traumas the more similar the coping strategies and traits can be as a result. Most of disorders come from interacting with ‘not good enough mother’. Disorders in general overlap a lot. Borderline for example is a failed NPD. It’s when a child tries to apply aggressive narcissistic strategies and gets beaten the shit out of him for using those strategies. And then the child has to fall back and develops emotional empathy in order to read the moods of the abuser better in order to protect himself and becomes a BPD instead. ADHD develops when mother as a primary object of focus and attention is never there for the baby and as a result the brain is undertrained in ability to focus and as a coping strategy baby becomes hyperactive as means to get attention. ADHD is basically halfway to the NPD.

[@BlackpilledSaihara]

​@@tptarhYou're mostly right, but NPD goes after BPD, and if the Child is punishhed for their narcissistic behavior they develop ASPD. So, basically it goes ADHD - BPD - NPD/Bipolar - ASPD

[@tptarh]

@@BlackpilledSaihara not really, if a child fails to develop NPD as an aggressive defensive strategy it has to develop empathy and fall back into bpd. According to Sam Vaknin. All the disorders mentioned above are of the same nature and have similar traits overlap a lot and transform into one another, like NPD acting as bpd at a mortification stage

[@BlackpilledSaihara]

@@tptarh if you lost emotional empathy you CAN'T develop it. NPD is a protective layer against BPD, so when NPD decompensate they become disregulated, suicidal and depressed just like BPD. So, basically NPD is in perpetual splitting to "good" side, to protect from shame, emptiness Borderlines feel so much of. When False self and Grandiosity is punished in a Child, Child becomes ASPD - No sense of self and of others, which explains sociopaths behaviors that endanger themselves and others around them. Sociopath completely dissociates all higher emotions - positive and negative(doesn't feel nor love nor shame) P.S. Btw, Narcissists are very Good at cognitive empathy, just like sociopaths, they just don't have emotional empathy.

[@elisabethspruill7338]

This clears up a lot for me, thanks.

[@Gemisnotmyname]

This reallyy cleared soo much for me as an ADHDer😢❤

[@mimid6354]

Surely you can have ADHD AND be a Narcissist. So people be mindful of excusing away love bombing just because someone has ADHD, it can still be manipulative and very harmful imo. I have ADHD and have been on the receiving end of manipulation and love bombing by someone else with ADHD so it’s not always so innocent and based on being ‘excited about new relationships’

[@enricomiceli8704]

I think the biggest difference to look at : does this person have a genuine personality, or do they just try super hard to be liked?

[@JasManie1995]

have ADHD myself. I was diagnosed a few years ago because of my ex. He Said I would create chaos in our appartement on pourpose to drive him crazy. He said even If I do not actively plan to drive him crazy I am such a bad person on the inside so it is like nature for me to do that. I felt so wrong and I hate myself for not being a tidy person. At the beginning of our relationship I told him that I am not tidy and he said that this is ok, because it is me. He is also not a tidy person but it was always me who was the problem of it. And I understand, I have problems with that, i know. He said I am evil. And I did so much not to be evil but often I forgot something or did it wrong so he claimed that I won't put effort in it but I did not know how to do better because I am so desorganisied and I have no structure or whatsoever. Everything i tried did not worked out and he never helped me to find a way to do it better. I downloadet cleaning apps but he refused to use it with me so I struggeled because he did not helped me with the structure. He also punished me when i did things like forgetting to do the wet clothes out of the washing maschine or when I put a Knife in the dishwasher that did not belong there. It was always a different thing, when I thougt I really did thing a good for which i got punished a week ago I did thing b wrong, so there was another reason to send me textmessages with slurs and very not so nice words towards me. often he claimed that he wanted to hurt or kill my cats because he tought those were the only things who made me do what he wanted. When I left him for another guy who helped me a lot in this time he said that he wanted to kill himself because I was leaving him. I tried to comfort him and help him but I guess I was the wrong person for that. He did not do it. And he does not live here anymore. I have no contact with him. My boyfriend now never told me anything like what my ex told me but it is hard not to believe this shit you were told over a couple of years. There is no day without me questioning "was I the bad person, did he just tried to get trough me or what?" Until now I do not know if I was the bad person or him or if we were both bad for eachother.

[@Eleniexp]

If it wasn’t intentional and someone is trying to convince you it was, that’s gaslighting. it’s not you. ❤

[@JasManie1995]

@@Eleniexp he said I would gaslight him so I am not sure. I never did anything to hurt him on purpose. Everybody tells me that I am in the right but often I do not believe it.

[@janetmagorian]

He's the one in the wrong..he sounds like a manipulative abusive narcissist to me..weaponising your empathy against you with threats of suicide when you're not doing what he wants.. criticizing your every move..No-one deserves that kind of treatment.. I'm glad you're out of all that..Well done 🤗

[@nicolekent-xj5um]

I’m ADHD who had a narcissistic abuse backround and I work for a woman who has ADHD, but they way she needs everything done such a specific way and any deviation is devastating. I watch her kids but then she tries to get me to sell her and her mom profesional (NOT MLM) Skincare at wholesale price, and makes statements rather than asks

[@giampierofrischi527]

Can you be both?

[@realkylebarker]

I suppose it comes down to intentions of Empathy

[@clairfannin9883]

A short while ago, I discovered that a lot of my personal struggles are more than likely undiagnosed ADHD. Along with some behaviors I have witnessed in my kids and husband for years that in the past I justified with some old school thinking or as I have recently started referring to as flat world thinking. Anyway, my eyes are wide open now. As I'm diligently pursuing professional assistance and diagnosis, I'm researching to better understand my family and myself. Before I ask for assistance with my current quest, thank you for creating a space for discussions like this. We need more conversations like this about mental wellness. Mental health and alternative brain functions such as ADHD are still fighting very strong deep callous stigmas that I feel are a direct result of lack acknowledge, understanding, and acceptance. Thank you for working to close the gap. Here's my current endeavor, the connection between gaslighting and ADHD. Considering the struggles with cognitive thinking as an ADHDer and common methods of gaslighting, I have some gnawing questions. 1: could an ADHD brain perceive gaslighting even when it's not there due cognitive thinking struggles? Yes, ADHDers are more subsceptible to gaslighting, but could they also perceive the shortfalls of another ADHDer as gaslighting? 2: Self gaslighting as a coping mechanism to deal with ADHD shortfalls become so intense that they begin to gaslight those closest them? Hopefully that all made sense. Thanks again for everything for you. Looking forward to your insight on this.

[@DimaNoizinfected]

I have ADHD diagnosed and NPD traits. Narcissism is being employed often to cover up ADHD traits. some level of it is healthy, especially as response tacticts for blame

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for a very interesting video.

[@turtledove2024]

this was helpful! thank you!🕊️✨💙

[@zeddeka]

I've often wondered how much of an overlap there is with narcissism and ADHD's nasty cousins, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder.

[@cn-wk1cx]

My 35 year old son cancelled his son 2 years old birthday party because he had a big argument with his wife. He cancelled the party one hour before guests were to arrive. The wife had the house decorated my son had bought pizza and was ready to party. He has ADHD but not on meds. He blew up and cancelled everything in the last hour. Birthday cake on the table balloons everywhere but no guests. My son took off saying he wants to kill himself. Doesn’t love his wife anymore. How do you think we should do? Heartbroken. He wants to destroy the little family he built. These past two years. He refuses to go on meds Is says he hates his wife to her face at bed time. In her ear Is this adhd or narcissm He ruined his son party. His heart is broken he says. Wants to find another wife. Is this delusional? Narcissistic What advice would you have for us?

[@ThePestilentDefiler]

Should i see if my partner wants to watch this with me to help express the concerns i have?

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

This was a great video thank you

[@SS-in1ts]

So helpful, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!❤

[@brightpage1020]

I feel like sometimes ADHD can come across as very narcissistic but without the lack of empathy and without intent to harm.

[@jrelevates1574]

Are you aware of how INSANELY loud that intro music is?

[@Sarahalpotter]

Thanks for letting me know. I am half deaf and it is often difficult to tell how loud some things are. I’ll be sure to adjust it!

[@ParoArtPixie]

Some of this scared me, because it was me

[@Algenie]

I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter what the Reason for being mistreated is, if it you're hurting someone you need to hold yourself accountable for that and change the way you behave. I don't frankly care whether the person has ADHD or NPD, if the result is that someone is being abused, the Intent behind the abuse goes out the window.

[@LovenailsByJadeHickson]

I can’t stand this…. So when I’m being bullied, ignored, shouted at, name called, not touched, stonewalled, house smashed up and all the rest of it… along with the self victim hood it’s ok because it’s ADHD disregulation and they can’t read me. Nonsense!!

[@salkashoura4928]

Oh my God, ADHD and NPD two completely different things. Everyone has natcisstic traits, but not a personalty disorder. ADHD is not a personality disorder. Nothing like n NPD. I think people get narcissism confused with narcissistic personality disorder and now the word narcissist gets thrown around like it's common.

[@eeoo2062]

What do you say about these traits tied with POLYAMORY? the need for various lovers. The ability to express your care and love on a physical level, without truly loving them

[@Sarahalpotter]

This sounds a little like narcissistic vampirism. One source isn’t enough so they go for additional sources. But, there is also a group of poly people who might be struggling to understand their romantic needs in relation to their ADHD shiny object syndrome. I would recommend speaking with the person in question and understand what they’re needs are-pay attention to how they react to your asking questions about their polyamorous intentions. If they react explosively and defensively, it could mean narcissism or another underlying emotional regulation issue.

[@eeoo2062]

@@Sarahalpotter thanks for the response. I was very curious about the “poly” lifestyle being tied to adhd. I think they correlate

[@La_Kitty]

I appreciate you disclosed you are not an educated therapist. Just because you have a KZbin account does not make you a subject expert.

[@valerietubman7618]

Actually, having a KZbin channel does make you a subject expert.

[@d.r.q.2032]

I don't understand how anyone could think that a person with ADHD is a narcissist. That is like saying that a seal is a giraffe. They are completely and totally different things. Someone with ADHD is a genuine person who is TOTALLY opposite a narcissist who lives in denial and refuses to face truth at all costs. Narcissism is toxic abuse. Most people with ADHD cannot stand abuse and are fierce about standing up for what is right. In fact, there is an excellent video on KZbin called "ADHD caused by Narcissistic Childhood Trauma" by The Royal We (would be good for anyone interested in this topic to watch) which I think hits the nail on the head - many people develop ADHD by childhood trauma and chaos, often caused by narcissists. So to even compare these two on a chart is highly insulting as they could not be any more opposite.

[@OaOnameO]

However, there is a well established link between ADHD and a lack of empathy, so in some situations that can definitely look very similar to narcissism in the short term, but not so much in the long term. RSD can also look similar to narcissism depending on how it manifests itself. I totally agree with everything you've said though- just sometimes it all co-exists

[@leahvillarreal]

I think you’re viewing this from an informed perspective tho. As someone who now knows I’m adhd, when I left a narcissistic relationship years ago I was able to identify a variety of similarities between my ex an i. This was simply the observation of an uninformed person at the time, aka me. Did I think I was a narcissist? No, but I saw similarities. I found this video to be very informative. I’m also very curious to check out this other video you mentioned.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

Lots of abusers (most are narcs) use ADHD (usually undiagnosed) as an excuse for their behavior. Along with depression, stress etc. And sadly the excuses are often accepted to justify their abuse, mostly by non medical professionals, but that is most police / court officers, social workers etc

[@jmwoods190]

@@louiseelizabeth9613 And OCD as well as autism too! Having mild austistic+ADHD+anxiety and a narcissitic abuse survivor myself this really irks me!

[@linaswardh]

Thank you so much for telling! I will definitely go and see that!🙏

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

Labels don’t count. Behavior counts.

[@Alisha_was_here]

Girl my husband and thinks all of my emotions are “manipulative”

[@Sarahalpotter]

Im sorry, that’s super wrong! Some of us are more sensitive and have bigger emotions than others. Your emotions are valid. I would recommend sitting done with your husband and ask some deep questions regarding why he feels your emotions are manipulative. Think of it as a discovery session and an opportunity to help him understand you better.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

Is that a hover / mower in the background towards the end? 😑 really struggled to focus through that 😬

[@Sarahalpotter]

I’m sorry, I will try to cut the background noise more next time.

[@dougpresley2220]

As someone with ADHD who's been in a relationship with a narcissist , thank you for dropping this knowledge. They will use those similarities to make their adhd partner look like the narcissist.

[@tim1984ism]

It's obvious that some people did not get what this video is about and the clear compassion table illustrated. It is incredibly hurtful and invalidating and sad. I can totally relate to this video. Adhd can be incredibly lonely and hurts.

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

ADHD love bombing is no different than narcissistic love bombing. They are the same behaviors and have the same result and do the same damage.

[@TheSylish]

The difference is intent behind it, and that does matter- big time.

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

@@TheSylish it only matters to the perpetrator.

[@bigdaddy195877]

I disagree my daughter is ADHD and she shows symptoms of narcissism also she's a very toxic evil person

[@rosariocannistraro3561]

The love of my life had ADHD which presented a lot like BPD , She would put on this facade of being so caring and loving but when they get bored or other guys pay them attention they will shove it in your face , Or become distant and cold and cutthroat and walk in and out of your life and back in whenever it pleases them and they need you for attention and sex again . Its mind boggling and deeply deeply hurtful to deal with .

[@aurorincorporated]

o_O

[@jasonstone8222]

Way to solve time blindness is set an alarm.

[@Nikki-nk8zp]

Or what happens when the adhd say husband refuses help, denys he has any issues, and tells the wife she's the problem for 15 years. Then the wife is so confused, rejected, angry and miserable but she is going to be the one who has the outburst of anger because she just can't get him to be there for the marriage. Can't leave because of the manipulation " i should just kill myself. Im just a POS. Ect" So you stay....but now I fear ive become the problem with everything. And he just gets to be excused from the damage because he has ADHD and he wasn't himself and needed meds. But he refuses to do it until I was so messed up i almost killed myself. Totally lost my mind because I got to the point where I really thought it was me. He has done some really great things but also some really dark and damaging things. Ive got 2 kids and he has been pretty much just a provider because everything else is just not interesting enough to care about

[@gordonbecker1456]

What are you