Advice from Grown Unschoolers, Episode 207

It's compilation time again! In many of my conversations with grown unschoolers, I ask what advice they’d like to share with newer unschooling parents who are starting out on this journey. In this episode, I’ve woven together answers from eleven episodes and twelve grown unschoolers.
It’s so interesting to hear the things that they feel were valuable for them as they grew up unschooling. I think you’ll find their answers fascinating! And great fodder for you as you contemplate your family’s unschooling journey.
AUDIO SNIPPETS FROM THESE EPISODES
EU012: Growing up Unschooling with Idzie Desmarais
EU024: Growing Up Unschooling with Roya Dedeaux
EU046: Growing Up Unschooling with Brenna McBroom
EU181: Growing Up Unschooling with Jack & Sean O’Brien
EU196: Growing up Unschooling with Katie Patterson
EU080: Growing Up Unschooling with Kelly Nicole
EU141: Growing Up Unschooling with Alec Traaseth
EU159: Growing Up Unschooling with Max VerNooy
EU177: Growing Up Unschooling with Alyssa Patterson
EU163: Growing Up Unschooling with Adrian Peace-Williams
EU119: Gaming and Growing Up Unschooling with Xander MacSwan
SHOW NOTES: livingjoyfully...
TRANSCRIPT: livingjoyfully...
FREE BOOK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT UNSCHOOLING: livingjoyfully...
SUPPORT THE SHOW ON PATREON: / exploringunschooling

[@lifesize1119]

Relaxing is definitely the hardest part about unschooling. I grew up public schooled and chose to homeschool my kids. It's been 10 years now, but I'm new to unschooling as a method. I go through phases of being in love with the life we're living to fearing that we're not doing enough. I found this podcast during one of those fearful moments and I'm grateful that I did. Improve relationships, have fun, live joyfully!!

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

So glad you found it helpful in moving through your fears! 😃

[@nancygrabill5598]

I love this sentence as it describes best how I felt homeschooling my girls: " I go through phases of being in love with the life we're living to fearing that we're not doing enough." My youngest and her husband are now home educating my granddaughters. I'm ready to share with homeschool parents and potentials...this is a great starting line!

[@Jaysie803]

Yessssss, I just found this, thanx I needed to hear this.

[@Goodfolds]

I’m only 9 and unschool. I do wonder how this turns out for other kids.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Hey! So nice to hear from you. You might like to check out a playlist called 'Grown Unschoolers' that has my conversations with adults who grew up unschooling! 😃

[@desertdweller9255]

The fact that you were asking those questions at 9 years old and engaging with videos like this shows that you will be just fine and are well ahead of the curve! Keep up the good work!

[@itsourchannelyo3263]

LOVE all of their great input! This is our first year unschooling and there have been times where I question what the outcome will be.... will they be successful in life, will they still connect with their peers, am I letting them down. So much trust goes into this process and I am so glad that there are resources out there that can still make me feel at peace with this life change for our family.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

So glad you enjoyed hearing from some grown unschoolers! Best wishes to you and your family on your unschooling journey.

[@kristiea3897]

This is so helpful! As someone who went thru the entire compulsory school system, it’s so hard to change that mindset and just let go. We just started and it’s exciting! Thank you for this ♥️

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

You're so welcome! And all the best to you and your family as you navigate the unschooling journey. Have fun! 😄

[@toriferguson5]

So good. I’ve just begun my homeschool journey this year and have been feeling like I’m failing : / this is giving me courage to keep going.

[@Rogue314]

I enjoyed the episode's content. The repeated theme of advice speaks volumes, but I think it would have been beneficial to the listener to hear where these people are now in life. Not that we have to define what "success" is for someone, but an idea of what is possible after unschooling.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Hi Brittany. This is a compilation episode, with clips from earlier podcast episodes. In the description, you'll find the episode numbers for each of their full podcast conversations. Just do a quick KZbin search to find their individual episodes, where you can learn more about their unschooling experience and what they're up to now.

[@janicebettis7902]

I agree. I’ve homeschooled for 8 yrs. I have one child remaining for homeschooling and he is age 15. I’m just learning what this unschooling is about. I am very interested in what types of jobs or careers these grown unschoolers are involved in to be able to stay out of debt and pay their rent/mortgage and living bills (electric, garbage, water, heat, phone, internet, etc, etc).

[@learnasl1644]

This is a fantastic resource regardless of where you are on your journey. There are many nuggets to be gleaned even if you have years of unschooling experience! I am so so so very grateful for this information. Although I didn't necessarily learn anything new, ongoing encouragement and reminders are vital!! This episode served as a shot in the arm! I feel refreshed and renewed after listening to these grown unschoolers! I will share it with others in our community and those that are curious😉👍🏽

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Yes! Encouragement and inspiration are vital on the journey!! ❤️

[@annejoliff2775]

Very important and useful your podcast. Thank you very much! ❤

[@SymphoniasStories]

Thank you for making this. I'd like a video about advice for the kids who are starting out in unschooling.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Thanks for the suggestion! 😃

[@tashball]

Thank you so much for making this content!! ❤️

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

You are so welcome! 💖

[@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911]

this is a great interview and I love it!!!!!

[@asyakrengauz]

That language learning process is actually normal but not common. It's called gestalt language learning and is most often seen in autistic kids, but not only ❤ and thank you do much!

[@tarah7050]

Great episode! ❤

[@jennyquezada9644]

What happens when they are evaluated by the State or Distric and they are not at a grade level does the parent gets in trouble?

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Hey, Jenny. The process various by state or province etc. Some don't have any evaluation requirements, some ask they be completed but don't require the results-it varies widely. Look up your local homeschooling regulations to see what's up for you. Also, it helps to remember that there are lots of school kids who aren't "at grade level." :-)

[@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911]

some states do not require test and most are above grade level with this process. They are not held back to a grade level they are free to explore well above their grade level which works so well if they are tested!

[@yourmom69179]

Any advice for a parent who has a child who has been unschooled their whole lives but are now 14 & hate it? They are not self motivated & I feel like I've failed.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

I would encourage you to connect and engage with them more. Do things with them. Let them see your eyes light up when you see them, feel your enthusiasm and love for them as a person. In another comment, you mentioned that you ask what they want to do and they don't have an answer. That's okay. When we're feeling at odds with ourselves, we often don't have an answer to that. Just joyfully join him in whatever he IS doing. Bring him his favorite snack. Invite him to play a game or go for a walk with you-something you know he's enjoyed before (not something you wish he would enjoy). Once he's feeling loved and supported, seen and heard around the things he's doing now, I suspect conversations will bubble up around things he'd like to do more of, or new things he'd like to try. Here's a post I wrote about things we can try when we're feeling disconnected from our child: livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2012/09/building-strong-relationships-with-your-kids/ You might find some helpful ideas in there.

[@sandycheeks1580]

Start talking about entrepreneurship and all the other careers out there. Go visit some people and places in these fields. See what they’re interested in after you do that. Then let them go wild with it!!!! 😊 it’s a teenager. 😅 maybe get them into counseling just because of the changes they’re going through 🤪

[@aprilynne3]

I'm in the research process of Unschooling to see if its right for our family. This is helpful. I just don't know how to start....and honestly really scared.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Hi April, I think you'd find it helpful to read my introductory ebook, What is Unschooling? You can find it free on the usual distributors (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo etc), or you can get it directly from me here: livingjoyfully.ca/what-is-unschooling/ Learning more about unschooling will help you move the fear. 😃

[@chanelgrace3078]

How do families manage financially while unschooling? I'm a single mother of 2 and I have no idea how to handle working to provide for us while also juggling everything else and unschooling

[@jssfrk161]

Can you work from home in any way?

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

I have a conversation about unschooling as a single parent with Melissa here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/o5XMXq2kf72HhMk There are other single parents who've been on the podcast as well, maybe it would be helpful to put together a playlist. Mostly, they figure out creative ways to make it work for their unique circumstances. Working from home with flexible hours, a job where you can bring your child (Melissa's choice), exploring ways to share child care with other families etc.

[@Amber-dw9op]

Many of the parents in our CoOp work from home or work odd hours (i.e., one mom works an early morning shift at a gym before her husband leaves for work). Some of the moms in our group are single moms and manage to make it work, I say all the time I could never do that but it's important enough to them that they make the sacrifices to make it work.

[@gina2641]

I know this comment is so old, but I’m a single mom hoping to unschool somehow too! Full custody and working full time…I want to figure out how!

[@SunnivavinnuS]

The main reason my child wants to go to school is because of the social part.. Being with friends and play and chit chat and be creative with them. If I took her out if school she would feel lonely, so I can't.. 😐 How come none of the people in the interview mention this part? I never hear anything about unschooling and loneliness... 🤔😐

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Have you checked out the playlist of grown unschoolers for their full interviews? I'm pretty sure the friend aspect came up in a few of them. 😃 There's also a blog post I wrote on the topic, Finding Friends: livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2014/01/finding-friends/

[@lenasills1083]

Most kiddos who are unschooled socialize more than most people think, my kiddos make friends easily at the park, when we go to the zoo, etc.. I have zoom parties etc. with friends and family. I taught for over 20 years and found that the biggest reason most kiddos like “formal” school is to socialize. There is not a whole lot of academic learning going on in “formal” school. Most kiddos are learning bad habits, how to compete, things of that sort. Think of your own school experience (if it was a formal education)you remember rote academics unless you work in a science field. You mostly remember your social interactions not academics.

[@Jaysie803]

I looked up co-op in town, meet up with other homeschoolers

[@breeannashaw51]

I think because homeschooling does not equal lonliness. Our daughter only liked the social aspect of public schools. She is an only child so no other children to play with at home. However she interacts with other kids at the library, gym, local indoor pool, and weekly homeschool group hikes and nature play. So on the weekly basis she is interacting with other children still. If anything she has more meaningful and close relationships because of homeschooling vs passing relationships in public school.

[@threereasons4775]

There is no shortage in opportunities to meet people and make friends, when I first started I had to cancel Plans because I was so burnt out from Being out and about so much lol. My homeschooled kids are much more social than my grown public schooled children

[@Mindywright27]

Thank you so much for all of these wonderful insights! I appreciate you all!

[@AceHardy]

Good deeds 🙌💯

[@BurgundyMacrocosm]

This is so encouraging!! I subscribed! This channel will definitely get me through the hard times, to keep going

[@HollarMoonMountain]

I’m having trouble finding social opportunities for my daughter. Creating them didn’t work in the form of clubs,we don’t go to church, classes,coops…etc. this is a huge hurdle that wasn’t there when she was younger but is at age 13. We live in a semi rural situation as well. Her siblings are older and grown now. Please help.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Is your daughter keen for more social opportunities? It's useful to check in with our kids before deciding they need something. We found connecting with other kids often came from pursuing things my kids found interesting-the social side of it came along for the ride. They were doing something they liked, and they were doing it alongside others who also enjoyed it, that gave them a shared interest / connection point to start conversations etc. without the pressure of "find friends" or "being social." And if you're creating a club around one your daughter's interests, things can take time to unfold. I have a blog post, Finding Friends, that may be related, if you're interested: livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2014/01/finding-friends/

[@unconditionallovehomeschoo1830]

Very helpful. It was good to hear from the kids perspective.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Glad it was helpful! 😃

[@Joypontious]

I love the idea of unschooling. I don't love the idea of my kids not knowing math or how to read by the time they're 18. Is there a balance? And to be fair, i'm talking about special needs kids who may not "accidentally" learn to read or who may always hate math.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Because words and numbers are all around us, even if they don't want to "sit down and learn" reading and math, they will be engaging with them many times over the years and learning what they need to move through their days. Basic math skills to play games or cook/bake food. Money skills to save for/buy/return things. Reading skills for playing games, reading and writing skills to engage with people online who have the same interests etc. Thinking of them as "accidentally" learning things may be misleading. We definitely help and support them learning those kids of skills-any skills that help them pursue the things they want to do. But instead of using curriculum to dictate when and workbooks to dictate how, we can help them when the need for the skill comes up (it has meaning then) and in the ways they personally like to learn things. It seems "accidental" because the need for the skill "just came up." But that's the point. The opportunity to engage with words and numbers will come up lots over the years. I think our challenge is not to put expectations on the timetable of their learning. Kids learn to read over a WIDE range of ages. And how does one define "knowing math"? Having math skills to navigate everyday encounters with numbers? Calculus? That too is a wide range. I think leaning in and knowing your unique child, helping your child accomplish the things they want to do, will help you feel more comfortable with their skills than any outside measures.

[@loveofinquiry3839]

What a great video, thank you!💕

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

Glad you enjoyed it! 😃

[@sharpfamily4938]

What a wonderful project. I have 4 boys, ages: 6, 4, 2 and 5months. And I don't want to force them with my anxious pride. These young people sound very stable and lovely 😊❤

[@yourmom69179]

I ask my child what they want to do & they don't have an answer. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@mikahong]

Let them explore naturally so they'll know. Not even grown ups can answer that question 😂

[@mollyedwards7494]

I think something I have noticed when observing my situation in relation to your concerns with your own, is that we need to give them freedom, but children still need a choice and need some direction. We can’t expect our children to want to become something specific if they don’t have an arrow pointing them in that direction. They can always tilt the axis to conform with their own strengths but they need a specific platform to begin with. What are YOUR own strengths and weaknesses? Start from there and improv on what you are teaching your children naturally…then move the needle in their direction as they start to show their own innate strengths and desires and weaknesses. Natural exposure to life, if left to flourish, will allow a child to cue in on this way of learning and cultivate a desire to continue to grow and develop. Expect bad days…we are human creatures with many strengths but many flaws as well. This is okay. But there will be many “ah hah!” moments as well…many “feast and fast” days. We all need this reminder and even as adults the learning.never.stops. Many blessings to you!