r/HFY TFOS

[@nivarion]

Aliens: we demand a huge pile of tribute. Humanity: laughs in ancient Greek.

[@JonathanToolonie]

"Alright ladz, let's take them from the back-door."

[@loganb7059]

Humanity’s motto in these stories always seems to be “I’m about to do what’s called a pro-gamer move.”

[@AgroSquerril]

lol basically

[@cpt.honklerof3rdkekistania400]

I can just see Michael from v sauce on the bridge of a ship looking into the camera. "Im about to do whats called a pro-gamer move"

[@thepcfd]

next level play.

[@johnnyrotten3175]

4 D author 👏👍👍👍👍 Really well done story 💯

[@damaskusseraph6046]

aliens: don’t worry they’ll never be able to breach our locked doors *muffled* well looks like an electronic bases lock, typically impossible to pick but as the lock picking lawyer i like a challange

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@ShadowGaming-ft4fh]

Click on 1

[@grenzer2054]

@@ShadowGaming-ft4fh binding on 2

[@Dmaster2k]

The problem with these electronic locks is that a sufficiently powerful magnet will bypass the locking mechanism, lets try it. *opens instantly* Now lets lock it again and see if it wasn't just a fluke. *clicks locked* *opens after another magnet swipe* Well there you have it folks.

[@CT-1035]

@@Dmaster2k *Alien screams intensifies*

[@purpledevilr7463]

And that’s human warfare.

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@alexandermathieson4774]

Aliens:" We destroyed a city , with 2.5 million inhabitants, as a warning" also Aliens, " what sort of beast fights like this?"

[@eliandervalderen5849]

Takes over the planet threatens to destroy cities if not paid off by bulk resources destroys the city and still considers himself and his crew innocent. Yeah that's some logic there if you can call it that

[@kylersmith5675]

For them its standard

[@eliandervalderen5849]

@@kylersmith5675 just because it's standard doesn't make it right. Consider some things that was standard for Humanity 600 years ago when you considered those right?

[@kylersmith5675]

@@eliandervalderen5849 they dont see it as anything except what they always do its like how slavery was ok for awhile until we stoped being stupid.

[@spacetechempire510]

Well they did eventually make it no longer standard procidger

[@hanneskarlbom6644]

Sounds a bit like the usa and oil

[@scarletrhine4510]

I wonder how many people reading this saw what was coming when the "tribute" was "given".

[@safayi]

Because we humans all think alike. I haven't even finish listening to the story but I already predict this to be a trojan horse.

[@nivarion]

When they didn't explode immediately, I was expecting a number of special forces to be on board.

[@redraven8963]

I'm from a military family and I listen to this with some of my active duty brothers they were like well this is a Trojan horse.

[@StarForgers]

The only thing that confused me at first was just how long they took to sill off all the marines with the false glitches going on so long!

[@vinnyganzano1930]

I'm former army. Sneaky business is always the best way to go👍

[@MyrdinAnnoth]

Alien crew: "We have evil spirits on the board. Scary!" Human whispering from the shadow: "Oh my sweet, naive summer child"

[@giancarlobacosa2546]

French space marines: *sharpens guillotine with purging intent* The crew: im in danger

[@vinnyganzano1930]

French space marines? What good is a baquette and a garlic press?

[@vrcommandoata5403]

@Vinny Ganzano No no, that's the French MILITARY. French RESISTANCE is a very different beast.

[@JamesSavik]

Come and take it.

[@lyrigageforge3259]

@@vinnyganzano1930 On that French space marines comment about 11 months ago... you asked what good is a baquette and a garlic press lol. Ok that's funny. While I am not French, I do live in the mountain city where the French revolution began. It appears that this is where the crown prince then was practicing rule in the region. Anyhow. It didn't quite involve baguettes or garlic, or even a garlic press. Instead... among other things, like general unrest long before the guillotine part - they started with using the roof tiles of city buildings as projectile weapons. When my French husband showed me a video about local history - I had to admit that they do seem to put their hearts to certain efforts in these parts. lol Weather it be that guy who supposedly took a leap of an age old medieval arch bridge into the local river just to avoid the tax-man or hiding up in mountains to avoid the Germans during WWII before causing them all sorts of issues... or running across roofs to rip off parts of set roofs to throw them at people they got an issue with, never mind who that is. I was pretty disappointed that the log buoy didn't go nuclear on the main planet of the aliens sufficiently right after they had managed to read the captains message out aloud at their governing place. Would have been rather fitting. What is a tiny preemptive strike, it's war after all - and a city for a city with a few leaders of an oppressive regime sounds about just. If you can overtake a space ship with 17 against little over 3K - those guy's are plenty enough to rig the buoy to explode too once certain conditions have been met, in addition with a suitable time period. I mean there are devices that would surely read when something has arrived on a planet and then simply giving it reasonably time. Such a buoy could not be horribly tiny after all, to even be located signal or no - meaning that it ought to have quite bit of 'empty space' along with what ever lil chip was there to hold the record itself. Hell it should even have had a power source. And who ever said that a bit of a bomb could not be built to turn on again, if dis-activated by some other means - even if it was found. Destroying one city any where on this planet would likely have the world itself fuming to return the favor, never mind where it was - they are aliens after all. And I don't even like Paris - sure there is a lot of cool history there, but the city is not that pleasant. Not enough spots for an invalid to sit down to rest and far too many pigeons who will shit their kaka all over those few surfaces one might otherwise be able to sit on. But alas, there are principles after all to uphold, and the pigeons are none the less from Earth. Just saying that it seems someone would have needed shit covered roof tiles, per say, being cast at them even for having devices their little system of extortion.

[@MerlinCross13]

Aliens: Hello, you belong to us. Now pay your taxes. Humans: .... HAVE you seen ANYTHING about our history?

[@voodoovince8001]

One of the most powerful countries on Earth came to be due to tax evasion and enormous distance from owner.

[@lawrencespruyt5053]

"Hey, you Xenos have any tea?"

[@ryanpiercy3390]

@@voodoovince8001 technically it was treason and rebellion out of anger over those taxes and lack of representation in government.

[@paulhuston9991]

Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war heheh

[@alganhar1]

@Cannabis Dreams Which all changed after the Marius reforms, which brought about the professional Legions that we THINK of when someone mentions the Legions of Rome. While many of them were recruited from Farming communities, it was an Agrarian Society after all, the stipulation for a man to own his own weapons and armour was no longer the case. Hell, much of the Army by that point was not even Roman by birth, something that only increased as the Roman Empire grew and approached its end.

[@ADerpyReality]

Perhaps you could be both.

[@Jason-sm4oc]

Civilised? ... War is not civilised. We are Human War is what we do.. Do not doubt when you hear that we are Masters of War. If you wish for us to be civilised do not bring war to us.

[@Nyghtking]

What I find funny is if they had asked for a smaller tribute, like 1%, if they hadn't threatened to destroy a city, and had they simply occupied earth instead of attacking, then it probably would have went differently since as long as we believed them to be reasonable we would be willing to compromise and negotiate

[@jonnypena7651]

That is the thing with tyrants.

[@nicholausmills548]

You must not be American because (excusing the last couple years) its always been an American practice not to negotiate with terrorists

[@ChaosOperator]

awesome story. like a xenomorph story in reverse.

[@lotematu2812]

So humans come out of the body's of the alien

[@jackdare]

@@lotematu2812 Yesss I love crawling around inside their bodiesss

[@unkhown7071]

@@jackdare yes. Crawling through the body of the ship like a toilet snake 🐍 ready to bite your weenie

[@Arvyn992]

You can also look at this story like as if humans are like gremlins by causing glitches and system failures and for some reason I'm think of stitch from lilo and stitch movie

[@vergesavner9651]

Alien: "No one in our tyrannical goverment would do this." Same Alien: (Is returning home from basically enslaving an entire planet.) Me: "This is why you don't rewrite history. Your goons are easy arrogant targets who think, why someone appose our rightousness."

[@Stein871]

i'm honestly amazed they didn't consider putting nukes in the supply cases

[@Jason-sm4oc]

The plan always was to take over the ship and return to earth to reverse engineer as much tech as possible.

[@Stein871]

@@Jason-sm4oc before they glassed Paris

[@The100thonly]

Or nuclear metals

[@Drago_Whooves]

they might have detected the nukes

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

@@Drago_Whooves Nukes are heavy metal too. I imagine the tribute includes radioactives too, albeit in radiation shielded containers. The real problem is the battery that powers the detonator, but that might be too primitive and low power for the aliens to detect. I figured there was a nuke in the tribute, and using it was a fall back plan in case the hijacking plan failed.

[@aaroncabatingan5238]

Leader of the Galactic Conference after reading the logs: Fuck this, I'm out!

[@alexminer1929]

That is probably the greatest advantage of Humans. We are weak. The strong want to use there strength, The strong believe that might is the only way, The strong think that strength is enough. The weak are not bothered by such notions.

[@alkorkrus5152]

A fan of NG:NL?

[@WingManFang1]

If I heard this alien recording the log as he mentioned glassing the planet I’d have been like “over your dead ☠️ body,” then I’d have Purged the Xeno Filth for attacking us in the first place.

[@robertschumacher2707]

As it was I figure the captain is going to end up dragged into the Hague to be put on trial for war crimes, found guilty, and either executed or thrown so deep into the slam they'll have to pump in daylight. Where he'll rot for the rest of his miserable existence.

[@RovingTroll]

"The forfeiture of one major city." Oh you goddamned went and fucked up.

[@charliebonfield2611]

Alien janitor: taps wall Wall: frantic running noises Janitor: yep just like I thought, you’ve got a small SAS infestation, probably picked them up somewhere around the Sol system.

[@MyrdinAnnoth]

Alien: They`re in the walls man! I didnt sign up for this! Humans: Scuttling away into the darkness, only deep breathes can be heard. ....ah the irony.

[@vinnyganzano1930]

Well they destroyed Paris, that was our job🇬🇧

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

🇦🇺also has SAS

[@garysprandel1817]

​@@MyrdinAnnothxeno: game over man game over.

[@jgkitarel]

Since they're French, it would be DGSE, who are the SAS' French cousins and tend to be a bit of a nasty bunch as well. For all that we Americans have ragged on the French, it should be remembered that France has the most powerful military on Continental Europe, and it is also well and frequently used by the French government to protect French interests. And it has a long history of victory to it and their defeats tended to be costly to those who defeated them. The part of the 20th Century from WWII and after is an aberration, not the norm. Not even we Yanks want to fight France if we don't have to. We will if we do, and we will have a high chance to win. But we also know that it won't be like when the Germans invaded in WWII. It will be more like how things went in WWI, save for the fact that we have a higher chance at winning than the Germans did. But it will be costly. So costly that the victory may very well not be worth it.

[@Elyseon]

So this so-called galactic conference are basically an extortion racket.

[@scarletrhine4510]

One that backfired.

[@Elyseon]

Good.

[@ChaosLierLen]

Most governments are.

[@garysprandel1817]

Iotian noises intensifies

[@derpionderpson1424]

“What kind of coward would attack from the shadows?” Said the space captain who glassed a population center from orbit. Seriously “any civilized species would meet army to army in the light of day” said by the coward who basically stole candy from a child after punching it in the stomach… clearly there was a need to teach this alien society what happens when you fight dirty…

[@jacobwerner274]

to be fair he hit the french so perhaps a small win

[@scarletrhine4510]

They blew up the effe tower one of the modern wonders of the world. So getting pirating their ship was right.

[@nuru666]

"Fuck around and find out!"

[@Elyseon]

They deserved all the consequences for their hypocrisy, cowardice and abuse of power.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

@@jacobwerner274 exactly, nothing of value was lost.

[@fl00fydragon]

So not only were the aliens insane enough to try to opress humans They tried to opress the French ? The FCKING FRENCH??? They doomed themselves.

[@hazydoom69]

The FTL drive speaks Vietnamese.

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

More like the FTL speaks french

[@jacebralor71]

The FTL started speaking Israeli, or possibly American Special Forces

[@silva1sme994]

Trojan horse strategy.

[@TheDreadfulDrifter]

War is not about honour or even who is right or who is wrong. It is only about who is left.

[@335chr]

No war is about achieving your objective

[@thepcfd]

@@335chr just make sure enemy objective is not your genocide.

[@zzav2345]

short directional version, War does not determine who is Right, it determines who is Left .....

[@jackreisewitz6632]

War is about who is right and who is wrong, or it's an abomination to fight one. How a war is fought is about who will be left.

[@TheDreadfulDrifter]

@@jackreisewitz6632 "an abomination to fight one." ...So about 99.99% of any conflict ever. As per history, those left standing, literally or figuratively will be right. At least in the confines of their respective contexts, for as the saying goes "The victors write the history".

[@thehatter9400]

HK-48 would be very proud of this sabatoge

[@virtualatheist]

"The cargo transports are returning, loaded with resources. Due to limited understanding of local languages we are yet to translate what Seelz, Spets Nass. Lejon Etronjay and Sass means."

[@syrathdouglas1244]

When I heard about the annexation thing I was just like “We did not agree to this. Humanity is going to pummel you into a dust finer than sand.” After they collected the “tribute” I was just like “Eh, we probably laced it with explosives.”

[@nickolaswilcox425]

nukes or stowaways were my thought with both also being likely

[@Mgl1206]

@@nickolaswilcox425 I think all of us immediately thought of boarders the moment the captain mentioned his “data pad”

[@nickolaswilcox425]

@@Mgl1206 indeed, but that wasnt till a bit later in the story and being so 'willing' to give tribute leads to certain conclusions being obvious, nuking them would have been a bad idea anyway, ruin all that wonderful tech

[@jacobwerner274]

we did worse, marines' most likely

[@LordElpme]

@@jacobwerner274 nah, the best personel that the worlds combined special forces can offer

[@properfunny]

I would have loved to see their faces once they learn how long it took to get this message.

[@scarletrhine4510]

The captain didd't relise his ship was target of a Special Operations team.

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

Hmm, my personal Captains Command Computer and the Chief Engineers are both lost? Should we worry and search for them? Nah why bother they will be found when we land. Lots of Malfunctions, could this have anything to do with the Chief Engineers Command Computer being missing? Some of Security are going missing over night watch, could this all be connected? All of the Ships Assault troops have died due to Life Support Failure? What could be causing this? Sigh when you are so arrogant because of your strength that you have no useful internal security at all.

[@badjer4328]

This story was never linked with its sequel stories. Glad I managed to find it

[@erikmckoul2478]

What's the sequel?

[@seanrobert9661]

Huh

[@sethgilcrist8088]

Dude you don't get to say that and not include at least the name of the sequel

[@kaliban4758]

@@sethgilcrist8088 the humans are coming

[@alexanderkeene4367]

The sequel to this story is "The Humans are Coming". It and the third story have also been narrated on the channel.

[@normiesalvador1854]

Never was the saying, "Divide and conquer," more apt.

[@mys6886]

Humans Among Us

[@brianhochhausen2757]

Ungentlemanly warfare 👌

[@Echoes_at_Dawn]

*unmentlegently

[@scarletrhine4510]

"Honorable Warfare?" Humanity has not concidered warfare honoable since 18th century? Humans have moved past the stronger winning to the more intelligent winning. And you captain, Learned the hard wayI humanity does not play by any rules but their own.

[@mumflrfumperdink2592]

This is what we call a difficulty tweak!

[@stalwartteakettlepotato9879]

I remember that there's a part 2 for this story but I can't find it. Any help

[@AgroSquerril]

This what you looking for? kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2mnY6WcZrhme8U

[@stalwartteakettlepotato9879]

@@AgroSquerril thank you

[@Jason-sm4oc]

@@AgroSquerril Than-Q Mr Squerill

[@alfredsutton7233]

Heh, heh, heh ... humans ... do not feck with us. Hear that Grays?

[@kylersmith5675]

There is no honor in war so why should we have any

[@peekakuchu6878]

Should be a movie lol awesome FTA!!

[@lancethewisp1097]

Glad to hear these space pirates got what’s coming

[@aaronatherton7431]

Aztecs in the millions were overcome by only five hundred. Thousands were kept at bay in a narrow pass by three hundred Spartans...why not seventeen who new what they were doing. How many are coming in the refuges....

[@wrath2501]

The Imperium rises.

[@Inufan2005]

Those who don't fight dirty in war lose.

[@yamatoclassbattlecruiser6410]

All warfare is based on deception. -Sun Tzu

[@james35124]

This story is a classic

[@thunderbird4636]

I love it. Just show how animalistic humans can be

[@markciamarra475]

Humans go bump in the night

[@AgroSquerril]

normally with their toes

[@dodgerspetgirlbanana7280]

i will admit my mind first went to "every crate had all available extra space packed with spiders and other Australian wildlife" but this is just as funny.

[@gretor5114]

I enjoy coming back to these older videos. It was a different time.

[@nk_3332]

French Foreign Legion: If they destroy Geneva, does the Geneva Convention still apply? Other humans: Non.

[@ouberfox5898]

We need to put a sign on the moon: don't underestimate us and don't mess with us and don't ever back us into a corner or harm our young it will be the last thing you'll ever do you have been worried

[@garykelley9027]

Guy did the math and noped the hell outta that impending fight. lol

[@Sentientcap]

They who fight smart always win.

[@calvingreene90]

Not destroyed, captured. A-n-d now at least, FTL.

[@shipleypennison2781]

Everyone is froggy til the walls giggle in GIGN

[@noblesgamingbunker5166]

there in the waaaals! humans in the wallls man!

[@AgroSquerril]

ruuuuuuuuuuuun

[@elmo1639]

The combination of lethal weapons, greif & time to think. Dark and wicked thoughts form.😐

[@peekakuchu6878]

This is my fave audio hfy lol I listen multiple times 2 years later😅

[@hojdoj3567]

there's impostors among us lol

[@WhatIsThatThingDoing]

Black is sus.

[@KuroNvi]

@@WhatIsThatThingDoing Says you, green.

[@mrtodddelaroderie]

Another great story. Thanks Agro!

[@aaronsanborn4291]

We had a saying when I was a Scout in the Army. Fear not the dark. Fear what hunts in the dark. The dark was our ally

[@asandrewsilvaw]

Forkin good job on your reading

[@AgroSquerril]

Thank you

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

I love inter connected stories

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@elmo1639]

👍With a modest budget & skilled direction this could make decent movie.

[@TheIrishWanderer2166]

When I heard that the "tribute" was heavier than it should've been my mind immediately went "We perfected guerilla tactics and have been the underdogs throughout millenia of our history, u guys r so f***ed heheheh"

[@yourlocalfestivefurry354]

during the attack i would just scream WAGA BABA BOBO and nonsense like that

[@vinnyganzano1930]

Just scream "Fuck you, you fucking fuckers." The simplicity of Anglo-Saxon 👍🇬🇧

[@Atma_Weapon]

aliens: attack from orbit with overpowered weapons. humans: attack from stealth and drive the aliens bonkers before destroying them utterly.

[@yomogami4561]

pretty certain there's a follow up to this story following the deserting alien and his family hiding from humans. need to find it

[@andymason9116]

Sounds like they needed Miles O'Brian.

[@George-q1q9u]

I'd like to know the story about the girl that was lost, and when she was found out she asked for a juice box.if you could remember this thanks to you and the writer. I really enjoyed that story.

[@kakapokid1796]

Rambo meets Aliens 👌

[@GoODanDEVIL666333]

I think we have gremlins, stuff is malfunctioning and people and items are missing. It's much worse, you might want to have a seat captain. I'm afraid your ship has a human infestation Oh gods

[@fortkavanagh]

Is there an episode 2 to this interesting story?

[@AgroSquerril]

not as far as i know

[@fortkavanagh]

@@AgroSquerril well that sucks

[@whowhat4573]

TFOS#321 #325

[@fortkavanagh]

@@whowhat4573 "TFOS#321 #325"?

[@whowhat4573]

@@fortkavanagh Agro finishes the story in these 2 episodes of Tails from outer space.

[@alexpenrod4575]

I've been like binge listening to every video this guy's ever made but the whole time my dyslexic ass has been trying to read agro squirrel I couldn't and I feel stupid

[@oakenshadow6763]

The Trojan horse of Paris. Love it.

[@ChrissieBear]

Humanity: "Fuck around and find out!"

[@turbopokey]

It's a wonder they didn't have a method for scuttling their ship, like a self destruct or something but I guess these xenos are too chicken$h¡t for that type of thinking. Even after the ship had been completely taken and the ship commander had escaped into the superstructure, there was no mention of such an attempt. Useless.

[@notafrisbee5907]

Still best story to date.

[@additiveartificer9365]

"No one Argue with smoking crater" But if crater owner survive you will become crater

[@BigusDicus]

Humans playing among us with actual aliens

[@Rhino-Prime]

The dark speaks Terran language

[@dannymerfeld7711]

If you find yourself in a fair fight your tactics suck.

[@paulsim7589]

Less like Space orks..., more the the Alien's from the film by the same name.

[@seldonwright4345]

Letters of marque and reprisal. Asyemitrial warfare. They are screwed

[@westernbody]

Give this Captain a copy of Sun Tsu

[@januszpodniesinski2318]

Gremlins

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@davedave8986]

God dam I can’t wait for this premiere thing to end

[@spaceman466]

when the human is sus

[@secretobvious6033]

when the humans are sus😳

[@TheInstinctWithinV2]

For Paris

[@Salt_discriminater]

F for paris

[@nos2342]

To please the algorithm is all

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@JamesSavik]

Come and take it.

[@Monster_Ink]

For the algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@PerTrygveMyhrer]

Trojan horse...

[@lawrencespruyt5053]

"And with all that said, fk this sht im out"

[@sh0otingstar_]

There is a reason humans decided to wake Rules for war :)